We are often not conscious about why we are drawn to certain people.

That attraction comes from a very deep place.

There is an energy about the person that draws us in.

Why is that?

What is it about this other person that we are just naturally pulled towards them?

Often times, if we look over many different relationship, we find we are always attracted to the same kind of person.

We end up being unhappy when over time we realize there are a lot of things about this person we do not like.

So why is it that we connected with them in the first place?

The remarkable thing about humans is that we seek what we do not have.

Perhaps we are not that confident, so we are attracted to someone confident.

Or maybe we feel undeserving, so we find someone who is quite entitled.

Ultimately, it comes down to wanting to find someone who loves us, usually because we don't love ourselves enough.

We seek someone else to give us the very thing we do not give ourselves.

If we don't validate our own emotions, we want to be with someone who will validate them for us.

When we have low self-esteem or low self-worth, we will naturally be drawn to someone whom we feel better about ourselves when we are with them.

Whatever it is that we feel we are lacking on a deep level, we will seek out in a partner or a lover.

The challenge is always what happens in the relationship when we don't feel we are getting what we wanted from our partner.

This will inevitably happen, because someone else cannot give us what we do not give ourselves.

For the most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves, and until we get that relationship right, our external relationships will alwyas suffer.

So how do we do that?

The first step is to look at our past relationships and be brutally honest with ourselves.

What were we really wanting from the other person?

Review several past relationships and see where is there a pattern.

Once we understand what it was we were looking for, then we have to learn to give it to ourselves.

Is it love? Recognition? Validation? Excitement? Or passion?

Whatever it is, now we have to find a way to give that very same quality to ourselves.

How can we love ourselves more? Validate ourselves more? Recognize ourselves more?

When we learn to give ourselves what we have been looking for from someone else our whole life changes.

The quality of our relationships change.

And the quality of our life changes as well.

Try it for yourself and see the results.

Do you know what you have been seeking from others that you have not been giving to yourself?

Can you find a way to give it to yourself now that you recognize it?

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Host of The Conscious Consultant Hour