We all know someone who just loves to talk.

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They speak so much that you can 't do anything but listen.

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Everyone around them sees how much they ramble.

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Yet for some reason the person seems so unaware how much they talk.

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It is easy for us to criticize them for talking so much.

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Many people will just get impatient with them and stop listening.

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How often do we take the time to ask why they talk so much?

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Is it that they have so much more to say than everyone else?

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Are they just addicted to sound of their own voice?

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Or do they just have no clue how inappropriate it is for them to just keep speaking all the time?

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Perhaps there is something deeper going on.

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Maybe the person has some deep need that just never gets fulfilled?

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Or could there be some trauma in their past that keeps them expressing without a pause.

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Many times, the person who is constantly talking has a strong desire to just be heard.

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For whatever reason, they feel that if they are not constantly expressing themselves that they will not be seen or heard.

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This may come from a deep fear or lack.

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A fear of being alone.

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For this person, being alone is a very scary thing.

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It may be that they were left alone as a baby when they needed food or to be changed.

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Or it just could be that their parents were so caught up in their own challenges that they had no time for them.

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It may also come down to a deep sense of lack of self worth.

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A deep seated fear that they actually have nothing to contribute to life so they must keep talking to prove to themselves that they do have something to contribute.

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Regardless of the actual reason, it all comes down to trauma in one respect or another.

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So knowing all of this, what do we do?

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How do we deal with the person who just can't shut up?

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The first thing to approach the situation with compassion.

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Almost certainly the person has no idea that they take up as much space as they do.

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To attack them or make fun of them will not help the situation.

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That may only make things worse.

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We can start with reflecting back to them what we hear them saying so they can know that they are heard.

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Yet without professional help that may only work a little.

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Ultimately, we have to decide what is appropriate for us.

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To have our own boundaries and decide for ourselves how much is too much for us to handle.

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We then hold those boundaries firmly, but compassionately.

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Do not make the other person wrong for being the way they are.

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That helps no one.

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Hear them when you are together, and decide how much you can listen.

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Then wish them well and move on with your day.

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For certain, they will try to find someone else to listen to them.

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And if the opportunity arises that you might suggest they seek professional counseling, take it.

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They may hear or they may not.

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That is not up to you.

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Perhaps one day they will find that they do feel heard.

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And then they just might stop talking so much.

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Do you know someone like that?

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Can you be compassionately firm with your boundaries with them?

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~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Host of The Conscious Consultant Hour