Sometimes people trigger us.

The things they do or say annoy us.

We may not even know why.

There is just something about them that just rubs us the wrong way.

It could be what they say.

Or how they say it.

Maybe it is the stories they tell.

They can sound dumb or foolish to us.

A habit they have might really bug us.

That habit might just grate against us.

Like fingernails on a chalk board.

We may not even know why what they do bothers us so much.

It just does.

Not that they did anything wrong.

They are just being themselves.

So we project all kinds of things onto the other person.

Making them wrong or bad for having that particular habit or mannerism.

The thing that is so bizarre about all of this, is that we only see in others what we have ourselves.

What we are truly annoyed at is not that they have that particular habit, but that we do.

We just don't want to see it.

So it makes us uncomfortable seeing someone doing that very thing.

Perhaps they like to be the center of attention.

If we're honest with ourselves, it only bothers us because we want to be the center of attention.

They might be struggling with their pain or grief, and make their process loud and visible.

We might think the noise and commotion is what bothers us.

Really, it's that we wish we could be that way ourselves.

Or it stirs up in us parts of ourselves that we have kept hidden.

That we could cry out loud the way they do over our loss.

And just weep at the pain we've been through.

Seeing someone else going through their healing process is actually an opportunity to practice deep compassion.

Not just for them.

Ultimately it is for ourselves.

For our own pain and trauma, and all that we have been through.

When we find ourselves trigger by someone else's process, perhaps it is just a sign that we could pay attention to our own process that much more.

Finding a way to be gentle with someone else who is triggering us is a way for us to find more compassion for ourselves.

It is never really about the other person.

Really, it is about what is going on inside of us, and developing our ability to hold all of it with more love, more kindness.

Not because they deserve it.

Because we deserve it.

And once we give it to ourselves, then giving it to someone else becomes that much easier.

We all deserve more compassion and kindness.

Let's start practicing on ourselves so we can give it to others.

So where can you be more compassionate with someone else who triggers you?

Can you find a way to be more compassionate with yourself?

~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Host of The Conscious Consultant Hour

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