Sometimes people trigger us.

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The things they do or say annoy us.

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We may not even know why.

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There is just something about them that just rubs us the wrong way.

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It could be what they say.

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Or how they say it.

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Maybe it is the stories they tell.

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They can sound dumb or foolish to us.

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A habit they have might really bug us.

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That habit might just grate against us.

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Like fingernails on a chalk board.

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We may not even know why what they do bothers us so much.

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It just does.

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Not that they did anything wrong.

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They are just being themselves.

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So we project all kinds of things onto the other person.

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Making them wrong or bad for having that particular habit or mannerism.

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The thing that is so bizarre about all of this, is that we only see in others what we have ourselves.

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What we are truly annoyed at is not that they have that particular habit, but that we do.

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We just don't want to see it.

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So it makes us uncomfortable seeing someone doing that very thing.

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Perhaps they like to be the center of attention.

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If we're honest with ourselves, it only bothers us because we want to be the center of attention.

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They might be struggling with their pain or grief, and make their process loud and visible.

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We might think the noise and commotion is what bothers us.

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Really, it's that we wish we could be that way ourselves.

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Or it stirs up in us parts of ourselves that we have kept hidden.

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That we could cry out loud the way they do over our loss.

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And just weep at the pain we've been through.

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Seeing someone else going through their healing process is actually an opportunity to practice deep compassion.

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Not just for them.

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Ultimately it is for ourselves.

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For our own pain and trauma, and all that we have been through.

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When we find ourselves trigger by someone else's process, perhaps it is just a sign that we could pay attention to our own process that much more.

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Finding a way to be gentle with someone else who is triggering us is a way for us to find more compassion for ourselves.

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It is never really about the other person.

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Really, it is about what is going on inside of us, and developing our ability to hold all of it with more love, more kindness.

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Not because they deserve it.

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Because we deserve it.

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And once we give it to ourselves, then giving it to someone else becomes that much easier.

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We all deserve more compassion and kindness.

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Let's start practicing on ourselves so we can give it to others.

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So where can you be more compassionate with someone else who triggers you?

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Can you find a way to be more compassionate with yourself?

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~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant

Host of The Conscious Consultant Hour