EPISODE SUMMARY:
This week on The Conscious Consultant Hour, Sam welcomes Nikolai Blinow, licensed mental health counselor, coach, and the creator of The Calm Hustle Method.
Nikolai works with neurodivergent women in leadership, helping them navigate burnout, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and the quieter, often unnamed traumas of growing up neurodivergent in a neurotypical world. Her clinical training in dialectical-behavioral therapy and EMDR, combined with years as a yoga teacher, gives her a rare vantage point at the meeting place of nervous system science and embodied practice.
Her TEDx talk, Yoga and Its Connection to Mental Health, has been viewed over 300,000 times, and stands as clear evidence of her long-held belief that holistic and scientific principles belong in the same conversation.
At the heart of Nikolai's work is a reframe that changes everything. Motivation, procrastination, burnout, and the relentless inner critic are not character flaws or discipline problems. They are nervous system responses, often shaped by childhood experience, financial insecurity, trauma, perfectionism, and the way neurodivergent brains process stress, motivation, and reward. Traditional productivity advice largely misses this, which is why so many capable, ambitious women find themselves working harder and feeling worse. Through The Calm Hustle Method, Nikolai helps women break out of survival mode without dismantling the careers and businesses they have worked hard to build, guiding them from the exhausted state of force into the sustainable rhythm of flow.
Together, Sam and Nikolai explore what it really takes to move from chronic urgency into regulated, intentional living. They discuss why productivity has become a modern identity, why rest is not the opposite of meaningful work but the very ground of it, and how understanding the inner critic as an outdated survival strategy creates more lasting change than trying to silence it. They also look at what it means to redefine success, not by how much we accomplish, but by whether we are creating a life we do not need to recover from. This episode is an invitation to slow down without falling behind, to work with the nervous system rather than against it, and to remember that the way we get where we are going matters as much as arriving.
Tune in and share your own questions and comments about the balance of working hard and having a life on our YouTube livestream or on our Facebook page.
Sam opened this week's show with a heartfelt blog post reminding listeners that fear and pain aren't meant to be pushed away, but breathed through with slow, deep breaths until they soften into peace and presence. He then welcomed licensed therapist and yoga teacher Nikolai Blinow, creator of the Calm Hustle Method, who shared how her work with burnt-out, high-achieving women led her to recognize the hidden signs of neurodivergence — often masked by perfectionism, over-planning, and quiet inner overstimulation rather than outward disruption. Nikolai offered a compassionate reframe of neurodiversity as a spectrum of nervous-system wiring rather than a flaw, noting that women's ADHD and autism traits tend to manifest inwardly, and traced her own path from corporate fundraising to therapy as a search for more soulful, autonomous work.
Nikolai shared that her TEDx talk grew from years of quietly bridging yoga and clinical mental health work, a connection her formal training once dismissed but that she now sees embodied in her Calm Hustle Method's four guiding themes — flow over force, rhythm over rigidity, internal safety over external validation, and reconnecting with the body's wisdom through mindfulness. She spoke movingly about honoring natural rhythms of rest and productivity rather than fighting them, suggesting that true balance means allowing space to recharge rather than treating force and hustle as a daily default. Closing out, Nikolai reflected on how the pandemic left a lingering collective nervous-system dysregulation still rippling through society today, and invited listeners seeking support to reach out through her practice, OMpowerment Psych.
00:00:45.020 --> 00:01:08.959 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Good afternoon, my Conscious co-creators! Welcome to another edition of the Conscious Consultant Hour, Awakening Humanity. I am very, very pleased that you are all here with me today. We've got another wonderful show in store for you today, with an excellent guest who I will bring on in just a moment.
00:01:08.980 --> 00:01:18.740 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: But first, of course, we have our blog post, this week. I think a rather apropos one for our topic today.
00:01:19.050 --> 00:01:22.140 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: So, today's blog post is entitled.
00:01:22.260 --> 00:01:28.869 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: When we breathe through our fear and pain, we can find our peace.
00:01:30.260 --> 00:01:33.460 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: We all face fear sometime in our life.
00:01:33.860 --> 00:01:37.340 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And we all face pain sometime in our life.
00:01:38.080 --> 00:01:41.790 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Even though we try to avoid them as much as possible.
00:01:42.160 --> 00:01:44.979 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Still, life happens.
00:01:45.320 --> 00:01:50.560 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Situations beyond our control bring pain and fear to us.
00:01:51.160 --> 00:01:53.780 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: The choice to feel them or not.
00:01:53.940 --> 00:01:57.320 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Or not to feel them is always present.
00:01:58.580 --> 00:02:04.670 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: When we have not learned how to face them with courage, we often run away from them.
00:02:05.200 --> 00:02:08.629 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: To not engage with our pain or fear.
00:02:09.050 --> 00:02:13.830 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Sometimes, the situation demands that we don't deal with them.
00:02:14.120 --> 00:02:19.610 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: For we have to be clear-headed and controlled to get through the current challenge.
00:02:20.090 --> 00:02:24.679 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: So we push the feelings aside until we have room to deal with them.
00:02:25.610 --> 00:02:31.969 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Too often, though, we never go back to actually allow these feelings to surface.
00:02:32.390 --> 00:02:39.250 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Instead, we just keep pushing forward until some fantasy time in the future when we can pause.
00:02:39.810 --> 00:02:43.359 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: That pause never comes for some of us.
00:02:43.830 --> 00:02:47.400 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Until we can no longer move on with our life.
00:02:48.010 --> 00:02:52.969 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: The pain that we have accumulated one day becomes too much.
00:02:53.520 --> 00:02:55.319 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And we have to stop.
00:02:56.120 --> 00:03:02.120 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: We have to listen to our body and our heart, and let the energy pass through.
00:03:02.860 --> 00:03:07.960 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Diving into our fear and our pain is now harder than ever before.
00:03:08.350 --> 00:03:11.510 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: But it seems that we have no choice.
00:03:12.590 --> 00:03:20.610 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: For we have been running away from our fear and our pain for so long that is no longer sustainable.
00:03:21.430 --> 00:03:23.169 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: We must feel.
00:03:23.270 --> 00:03:27.109 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: our fear. We must feel our pain.
00:03:28.090 --> 00:03:31.580 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And it became… feel overwhelming.
00:03:32.040 --> 00:03:40.479 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: There is so much to feel and experience that it can seem as if it is a tidal wave about to sweep us away.
00:03:41.030 --> 00:03:43.540 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Until we remember to breathe.
00:03:44.100 --> 00:03:46.389 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: To breathe deeply.
00:03:47.430 --> 00:03:52.630 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: When we experience our fear and our pain, we stop breathing deeply.
00:03:53.030 --> 00:03:57.240 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: The breath always becomes shallow and fast.
00:03:58.240 --> 00:04:01.950 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: If we can just slow down our breathing.
00:04:02.650 --> 00:04:09.810 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And take our time, the pain and fear… fear, Will not be so overwhelming.
00:04:10.590 --> 00:04:15.310 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: By breathing deeply, we give space to our pain and fear.
00:04:15.720 --> 00:04:18.570 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: We allow them to have room
00:04:19.310 --> 00:04:24.670 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Not just room inside of us, But room in our consciousness.
00:04:25.460 --> 00:04:32.570 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: As we provide more space and time to really feel the pain and fear, it lessens.
00:04:33.450 --> 00:04:35.000 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: They dissipate.
00:04:35.920 --> 00:04:39.909 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: What a minute ago felt overwhelming is now manageable.
00:04:40.970 --> 00:04:43.480 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Our heart rate begins to slow.
00:04:44.010 --> 00:04:47.529 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: The pulse starts to come back to a normal rate.
00:04:48.350 --> 00:04:51.930 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: This may not happen the first time we try to do this.
00:04:52.430 --> 00:04:57.070 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Especially after so many years of denying our feelings.
00:04:57.440 --> 00:05:02.270 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yet if we keep at it, Eventually, we find our peace.
00:05:02.850 --> 00:05:05.719 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: We will find our way back to calm.
00:05:06.740 --> 00:05:08.030 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: with our breath.
00:05:08.260 --> 00:05:09.700 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: As our guide.
00:05:10.610 --> 00:05:14.500 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: It will always guide us home through the fear and pain.
00:05:14.820 --> 00:05:16.290 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Home to our heart.
00:05:17.110 --> 00:05:19.990 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: No matter how broken it might feel.
00:05:20.140 --> 00:05:25.250 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: The breath will keep it… will help it to be whole again.
00:05:25.710 --> 00:05:30.110 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And allow us to go on living our life with greater presence.
00:05:31.160 --> 00:05:45.279 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: For when we allow ourselves to truly feel those deeply uncomfortable emotions, we will also be able to feel the expansive emotions of joy and love even more.
00:05:46.130 --> 00:05:51.419 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: That is the reward of breathing through our pain and our fear.
00:05:53.580 --> 00:05:58.690 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: So… I wrote this post a couple of years ago.
00:06:00.010 --> 00:06:06.789 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Not just out of my own experiences, but I believe I was working with a client
00:06:07.170 --> 00:06:16.019 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And they were having a really hard time. Something very emotionally painful was coming up for them.
00:06:16.240 --> 00:06:21.330 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And… And literally, there was no way through.
00:06:21.550 --> 00:06:25.460 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: There was no way to, at the moment, to…
00:06:26.320 --> 00:06:36.160 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: To help them to feel better, And so, all I can… all I could… Support them in…
00:06:36.560 --> 00:06:38.810 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Was just connecting to their bread.
00:06:40.460 --> 00:06:48.470 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And this is where I've found the greatest support.
00:06:48.830 --> 00:06:53.369 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And I've had those… those experiences where…
00:06:55.060 --> 00:07:00.910 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: just all this fear came up, or all this pain came up, and I could feel it in my body.
00:07:02.200 --> 00:07:17.269 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And I just… I couldn't escape it. Not that I necessarily at the time wanted to escape it, but there was nowhere to go, because it was so present, because I'd been stuffing it down for so long, for so many years in my life.
00:07:18.110 --> 00:07:22.389 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And that finally I was giving it the room and the space to come up.
00:07:23.110 --> 00:07:24.449 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And it was a lot.
00:07:24.930 --> 00:07:26.600 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And it was a lot.
00:07:26.840 --> 00:07:32.210 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And all I could do, all I could do, was just breathe through it.
00:07:32.960 --> 00:07:36.050 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Which just keep coming back to my breath.
00:07:37.640 --> 00:07:39.569 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And it was kind of like…
00:07:41.020 --> 00:07:44.649 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: I mean, it could literally felt like…
00:07:46.450 --> 00:07:55.330 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Like, how my body might have responded to, like, a tiger chasing me in the forest, or a lion chasing me in the savannah.
00:07:55.830 --> 00:08:06.800 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And our breath is fast and shallow, and it's like, And, and… The hardest thing
00:08:07.520 --> 00:08:09.640 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: the hardest thing I could do
00:08:09.990 --> 00:08:12.060 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Was to just slow it down.
00:08:12.170 --> 00:08:12.990 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Cheers.
00:08:14.370 --> 00:08:17.830 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Low, long, deep breaths.
00:08:19.790 --> 00:08:22.200 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And I just started to do it.
00:08:23.000 --> 00:08:27.580 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And I kept doing it, and I kept doing it, and I kept doing it.
00:08:28.210 --> 00:08:33.890 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And literally, the process I probably went through for
00:08:34.530 --> 00:08:37.190 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: 2 or 3 or 4 hours.
00:08:38.020 --> 00:08:41.840 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Until I was able to really… Release.
00:08:42.330 --> 00:08:46.679 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Or breathe through so much of that fear and pain.
00:08:49.270 --> 00:08:57.750 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And so, when I work with people, And… I see them… Stuck.
00:08:58.110 --> 00:09:01.330 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: In… in this pain, in this fear.
00:09:01.840 --> 00:09:07.170 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: I mean, look, it's uncomfortable for me to witness, let alone experience.
00:09:07.450 --> 00:09:14.209 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And sometimes I forget, and sometimes I try and take them out of the experience, which is the exact wrong thing to do.
00:09:15.310 --> 00:09:18.899 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: So I've learned over time to really…
00:09:19.170 --> 00:09:24.450 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Just be present to it. Just allow that fear and pain.
00:09:25.900 --> 00:09:30.060 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: To just be present, and just support them with their breath.
00:09:30.900 --> 00:09:36.390 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Now look, are there other techniques to help get through fear and pain? Absolutely.
00:09:38.140 --> 00:09:42.589 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: But sometimes, the simplest most trite.
00:09:42.870 --> 00:09:44.060 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: techniques.
00:09:44.270 --> 00:09:48.499 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Are the ones that work the best, and are so universal.
00:09:50.560 --> 00:09:55.579 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Because sometimes a technique works for one person, and it doesn't work for someone else.
00:09:59.210 --> 00:10:05.120 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: But the most important thing, I feel, That we often forget.
00:10:06.950 --> 00:10:08.859 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: It's to just be present to it.
00:10:09.270 --> 00:10:16.270 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Is to just allow these feelings, these emotions, this energy… To run through us.
00:10:17.760 --> 00:10:23.930 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Because if we don't give it space to… to get metabolized.
00:10:24.660 --> 00:10:28.220 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And we just hold on to it and stuff it down.
00:10:29.230 --> 00:10:43.460 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Eventually, that's going to lead to dis-ease. Eventually, it's going to lead to illness. Eventually, it's going to lead to the body responding to that energy in some fashion.
00:10:44.820 --> 00:10:52.689 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And so it's challenging, and as difficult as it is to be present to the fear and the pain.
00:10:53.610 --> 00:10:58.119 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: It is literally the healthiest thing we can do.
00:11:00.930 --> 00:11:06.909 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And look, we… you don't have to sit in it for hours, like I've done. You don't have to sit in it…
00:11:07.760 --> 00:11:10.679 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Longer than you feel you're able to.
00:11:14.560 --> 00:11:20.410 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yet the more we can be present to it, the more we can allow space to it.
00:11:20.720 --> 00:11:25.549 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: The more we can just… Breathe through it.
00:11:25.750 --> 00:11:27.670 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: The more it serves us.
00:11:28.260 --> 00:11:31.789 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And the interesting byproduct to all of this?
00:11:33.830 --> 00:11:36.170 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Is the more present we are to it.
00:11:36.610 --> 00:11:40.229 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Then the less we carry it, and the less we carry it.
00:11:40.650 --> 00:11:44.570 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: The easier it is to truly be present with the other person.
00:11:45.630 --> 00:11:49.829 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: To truly be present with the people in our lives.
00:11:51.070 --> 00:11:54.080 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And to be able to give them our full attention.
00:11:56.480 --> 00:12:02.880 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And to gift them with… A deeper experience of our presence.
00:12:05.860 --> 00:12:11.160 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And I'm sure there are a multitude of other benefits that come from doing this.
00:12:14.080 --> 00:12:21.889 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: But when you're going through it, you're not thinking about any of that. You're just thinking, how the hell am I going to get through this?
00:12:23.120 --> 00:12:27.129 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And in my experience, Our nervous system
00:12:27.310 --> 00:12:32.730 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Just won't allow us to experience anything that we can't get through.
00:12:34.120 --> 00:12:38.979 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: So just know… It's the fear, or the pain.
00:12:39.420 --> 00:12:49.339 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Or the agony, the sense of loss, of grief, or whatever that uncomfortable feeling is for you, whatever it is.
00:12:52.310 --> 00:12:53.570 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Give it room.
00:12:53.710 --> 00:12:55.230 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Give it space.
00:12:55.930 --> 00:12:59.320 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Allow it the opportunity to fully be felt.
00:13:00.600 --> 00:13:03.630 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: In the moment, it feels awful.
00:13:05.930 --> 00:13:07.890 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: But once you get past it.
00:13:09.140 --> 00:13:12.640 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: You feel so much lighter, and so much better.
00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:15.000 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: You'll be glad you did.
00:13:16.170 --> 00:13:20.540 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: So… That's our blog post for this week.
00:13:20.750 --> 00:13:35.860 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: The title again is, when we breathe through our fear and pain, we can find our peace. And of course, you can always find my blog post on my personally branded website, theconsciousconsultant.com.
00:13:36.100 --> 00:13:41.599 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And on the station's website at TalkRadio.nyc slash blog.
00:13:42.450 --> 00:13:57.389 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: All right, now, it is my extreme pleasure to welcome to the show Nikolai Blinow, licensed mental health counselor, coach, and creator of the Calm Hustle Method.
00:13:57.490 --> 00:14:13.730 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Nikolai works with neurodivergent women in leadership, helping them navigate burnout, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and the quieter, often unnamed traumas of growing up neurodivergent in a neurotypical world.
00:14:13.830 --> 00:14:26.360 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Her clinical training in dialectic behavior therapy and EMDR combined, and for those who don't know what it is, EMDR is eye movement desensitization reprocessing.
00:14:26.360 --> 00:14:37.900 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Which is a form of a somatic form of therapy. Combined with years as a yoga teacher, gives her a rare vantage point at the meeting place of nervous system science.
00:14:37.900 --> 00:14:55.659 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: and embodied practice. Her TEDx talk, Yoga and Its Connection to Mental Health, has been viewed over 300,000 times, and stands as clear evidence of her long-held belief that holistic and scientific principles belong in the same conversation.
00:14:55.940 --> 00:15:00.830 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: At the heart of Nikolai's work is a reframe that changes everything.
00:15:00.850 --> 00:15:15.060 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Motivation, procrastination, burnout, and the relentless inner critic are not character flaws or discipline problems. They are nervous system responses, often shaped by childhood experience.
00:15:15.060 --> 00:15:24.059 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Financial insecurity, trauma, perfectionism, and the way neurodivergent brains process stress, motivation, and reward.
00:15:24.160 --> 00:15:35.240 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Traditional productivity advice largely misses this, which is why so many capable, ambitious women find themselves working harder and feeling worse.
00:15:35.500 --> 00:15:55.329 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Through the Calm Hustle Method, Nikolai helps women break out of survival mode without dismantling their careers and businesses they've worked hard to build, guiding them from the exhausted state of force into the sustainable rhythm of flow. Welcome to the Conscious Consultant Hour, Nikolai.
00:15:56.020 --> 00:16:06.600 Nikolai Blinow: Thank you, I'm so excited to be here, and it sounds very serendipitous. The blog post that you read today feels like it lines up so nicely with what we're talking about.
00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:24.269 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Absolutely, absolutely, and it's… I just take them in order, but somehow they always seem so apropos for the conversation that day. So… so I'm… I'm curious, how did you decide to focus on neurodivergent women? That's a very…
00:16:24.290 --> 00:16:35.020 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Well, it's a broad but specific kind of niche, and you don't often see that niche getting much attention in the mass media.
00:16:35.630 --> 00:16:43.289 Nikolai Blinow: Yeah, I think we are starting to see more of it, which is good. But I came to this work
00:16:43.530 --> 00:16:49.889 Nikolai Blinow: Because, for years and years and years previously in my therapy practice.
00:16:50.160 --> 00:16:54.370 Nikolai Blinow: I was doing a lot of work around burnout, Which…
00:16:54.490 --> 00:17:04.969 Nikolai Blinow: I think lines up with my previous background in yoga and holistic principles. I really have always…
00:17:04.970 --> 00:17:16.589 Nikolai Blinow: taken a mind-body-spirit approach to my work. And so, I don't think it's shocking that early in my career, a lot of burnt-out people were seeking me out.
00:17:16.810 --> 00:17:22.210 Nikolai Blinow: And as I was doing that, I started to develop a real…
00:17:22.400 --> 00:17:36.060 Nikolai Blinow: talent or skill, if you will, for being able to identify previously undiagnosed neurodiverse people. I primarily work with ADHD, so it's usually ADHD.
00:17:37.780 --> 00:17:49.680 Nikolai Blinow: who were flying under the radar for many years, and yet ending up in my office extremely burnt out. And so I was diagnosing people if they wanted it, because
00:17:49.830 --> 00:17:52.260 Nikolai Blinow: I don't think you need a diagnosis, but I'm happy to.
00:17:52.260 --> 00:17:52.720 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Give it to us.
00:17:52.720 --> 00:18:00.490 Nikolai Blinow: person if they want it. Potentially referring them out for second opinions and getting that confirmed, and then I realized.
00:18:00.710 --> 00:18:01.790 Nikolai Blinow: Huh.
00:18:02.150 --> 00:18:12.450 Nikolai Blinow: There's a lot of really intelligent, really hard-working people who are susceptible to burnout and nervous system dysregulation.
00:18:12.980 --> 00:18:21.309 Nikolai Blinow: And a myriad of other problems that come with that in the mind and body, if we want to talk about it. Who are neurodiverse, and…
00:18:21.810 --> 00:18:23.480 Nikolai Blinow: A lot of them don't know it.
00:18:23.750 --> 00:18:34.900 Nikolai Blinow: And so, it really became, I think, more of a passion of mine to support this group of people, because, A,
00:18:35.150 --> 00:18:41.769 Nikolai Blinow: like I said, we are starting to see more in the world for neurodiverse women, which is great, because
00:18:42.050 --> 00:18:46.699 Nikolai Blinow: Neurodiversity tends to present differently in women than it does in men, which, you know.
00:18:46.700 --> 00:18:47.189 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: You can also do that.
00:18:47.190 --> 00:19:04.489 Nikolai Blinow: talk about if you are interested. But I also think this particular group of people, I think sometimes we have stereotypes of what we think an ADHD person might look like, or an ADHD person, which is a person who has high-functioning autism and ADHD.
00:19:04.560 --> 00:19:24.080 Nikolai Blinow: But a lot of the people I work with are executives, entrepreneurs, people in leadership, and on the outside, they don't present as disorganized, people who procrastinate, people who maybe march to the beat of their own drum, which is, I think, what some people out in the world
00:19:24.120 --> 00:19:28.089 Nikolai Blinow: Expect when they don't know much about the actual, sort of.
00:19:28.570 --> 00:19:29.060 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yeah.
00:19:29.060 --> 00:19:34.059 Nikolai Blinow: lived experience in the science of ADHD, but there's a lot of people who are
00:19:34.520 --> 00:19:42.980 Nikolai Blinow: perfectionists, highly organized, maybe even a little OCD, and they're just not getting the care and attention they need.
00:19:43.440 --> 00:19:46.690 Nikolai Blinow: And if you have those tendencies.
00:19:46.890 --> 00:19:54.760 Nikolai Blinow: and we can again talk about this, I think the perfectionism, the overachieverness, the… Over-planningness
00:19:55.010 --> 00:20:05.579 Nikolai Blinow: Actually becomes a double-edged sword, where it makes people feel like they're very on top of things, but it actually contributes in the long term to the nervous system.
00:20:05.700 --> 00:20:08.880 Nikolai Blinow: Dysregulation, and the burnout, and the stress.
00:20:09.770 --> 00:20:11.780 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Y-you know…
00:20:12.100 --> 00:20:27.590 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Neurodiversity is often mentioned and talked about, but I don't often hear it defined. And one of the things I like to do is to be clear about language and what we're talking about, because people might have a…
00:20:27.590 --> 00:20:37.649 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: an idea or an image of what neurodiversity is, but for the sake of this conversation, I would like to be clear of what your definition is.
00:20:37.650 --> 00:20:49.120 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: For neurodiversity, because I also, you know, I hear some people term it, neuro-spicy, because there's a wide variety to it, but neurodiversity.
00:20:49.490 --> 00:21:06.860 Nikolai Blinow: Yeah, I like the… my clients like the term neuro-spicy a lot, too, so sometimes I use that term, because I think, it depends what lens we're looking through. I mean, I have my good old-fashioned DSM-5 over here somewhere, because I'm a licensed therapist.
00:21:07.180 --> 00:21:21.049 Nikolai Blinow: And, if we look at things through a clinical, medical lens, there's a bunch of different diagnoses, if you will, that would fall under the umbrella of being neurodiverse. ADHD being one of them.
00:21:21.050 --> 00:21:28.650 Nikolai Blinow: Autism spectrum disorder being another. Those are not the only ones. I…
00:21:29.570 --> 00:21:35.209 Nikolai Blinow: And I think when we look at neurodiversity through that lens, sometimes that can feel…
00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:50.100 Nikolai Blinow: like, there's something wrong with a person's brain and their nervous system. I personally think of neurodiversity as just a difference in, sort of, brain wiring and nervous system regulation.
00:21:50.980 --> 00:22:02.829 Nikolai Blinow: And depending who you ask, they'll say about 10-20% of people are neurodiverse, and again, that can include ADHD, autism.
00:22:02.830 --> 00:22:13.519 Nikolai Blinow: Some people would say highly sensitive people are neurodiverse, although there's no acknowledgement in the diagnostic criteria for high sensitivity.
00:22:13.520 --> 00:22:23.610 Nikolai Blinow: I think it's just people whose brains and bodies are wired slightly differently, and so they experience the world differently. And…
00:22:23.760 --> 00:22:39.330 Nikolai Blinow: because you're experiencing the world differently, you're literally processing information differently, as you're just going about living your life. You're gonna have a different experience, and sometimes that can be very dysregulating for our nervous system, because…
00:22:39.940 --> 00:22:46.099 Nikolai Blinow: 80%, maybe more, of the worlds and the people you're spending
00:22:46.210 --> 00:22:49.109 Nikolai Blinow: Your time around, or having a different experience.
00:22:49.310 --> 00:22:49.950 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Right.
00:22:50.110 --> 00:23:08.989 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: One of the key words I heard you say was spectrum, because this concept of neurodiversity, it's a spectrum of things, it's a broad range, and can look very differently for different people. So.
00:23:09.510 --> 00:23:26.079 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: how would someone know if they kind of fall into that spectrum or not? Like, what makes somebody neurodiverse? Like, a client comes to you, and you observe them for a while, and you kind of get a feeling, hmm, they might be on the spectrum.
00:23:26.210 --> 00:23:31.610 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: What would be the presentation of that to give you that impression?
00:23:33.200 --> 00:23:41.510 Nikolai Blinow: I think there's… there's a lot of different things. If we look at…
00:23:41.710 --> 00:23:51.230 Nikolai Blinow: diagnostic criteria, right? If we're gonna get super clinical about it. If we think about something like ADHD, it tends to be patterns of
00:23:51.690 --> 00:24:00.479 Nikolai Blinow: Looking at your life and finding periods where, you maybe have intense periods of being able to be hyper-focused.
00:24:01.500 --> 00:24:03.970 Nikolai Blinow: But then other times, not so much.
00:24:04.510 --> 00:24:10.730 Nikolai Blinow: If we think about things like autism spectrum disorder, looking at,
00:24:11.120 --> 00:24:22.220 Nikolai Blinow: do you have a tendency for, like, repetitive behaviors? Is there sort of an intense inner world that you experience that feels different?
00:24:22.430 --> 00:24:28.989 Nikolai Blinow: I, being a nervous system person who also is a holistic provider,
00:24:29.540 --> 00:24:39.929 Nikolai Blinow: I like to, in some ways, keep it simple for people, and I think signs that I see that a person is neurodiverse and may not know it are
00:24:40.250 --> 00:24:53.080 Nikolai Blinow: If you have a tendency to burn out, there is a lot of good data that neurodiverse people genuinely are more sensitive to environmental stimuli than neurotypical people.
00:24:53.700 --> 00:25:12.139 Nikolai Blinow: And that, because of that, they are more susceptible to burning up depending on the quality of the environments that they're in. If they're in very negative environments, if we're talking workplaces, or very loud, overstimulating environments. If you feel like you're very sensitive to the world around you.
00:25:12.190 --> 00:25:15.579 Nikolai Blinow: Could be because there's some sort of neurodiversity.
00:25:16.150 --> 00:25:19.400 Nikolai Blinow: I also see a lot of,
00:25:19.820 --> 00:25:29.180 Nikolai Blinow: executive functioning, but not in traditional ways. Working memory. I am an ADHD woman, and I'll be the first one to tell you.
00:25:29.330 --> 00:25:35.890 Nikolai Blinow: I could tell you something a client told me 5 years ago, verbatim, at an intake.
00:25:36.330 --> 00:25:37.530 Nikolai Blinow: But…
00:25:37.720 --> 00:25:49.460 Nikolai Blinow: if I told myself I wanted to make a personal phone call to, like, a credit card company or something over my lunch break today, I don't write it down, I can't promise that I'm gonna remember that I wanted to do that.
00:25:50.960 --> 00:26:02.540 Nikolai Blinow: And I think the working memory is, like, a really good indicator of potential neurodiversity, where, you can function super well, but sometimes little things just seem.
00:26:02.540 --> 00:26:02.960 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: to, like.
00:26:02.960 --> 00:26:04.100 Nikolai Blinow: not stick.
00:26:04.210 --> 00:26:16.589 Nikolai Blinow: And that's definitely one for me. I joke every time I go to a dentist appointment or a haircut, I say, you need to give me an appointment before I leave, because if I don't leave with an appointment, you might not see me for 5 years.
00:26:16.590 --> 00:26:17.590 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yeah.
00:26:17.590 --> 00:26:21.409 Nikolai Blinow: Because I'll just keep thinking, I have to call and make the appointment, and then I'll.
00:26:21.410 --> 00:26:22.969 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Not actually doing it, yeah.
00:26:22.970 --> 00:26:23.950 Nikolai Blinow: Yeah.
00:26:23.950 --> 00:26:30.769 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Interesting, interesting. So you said before that neurodiversity presents different in men and women?
00:26:30.770 --> 00:26:31.299 Nikolai Blinow: But just…
00:26:31.300 --> 00:26:33.959 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: I'm curious, like, what are the main differences?
00:26:34.500 --> 00:26:41.250 Nikolai Blinow: Yeah, so a lot of the original criteria, if we're talking medical model, which I have…
00:26:42.420 --> 00:26:52.740 Nikolai Blinow: dialectic relationship with, which means I see the benefits of the medical model, and I also see the detriments or the downsides to it.
00:26:52.940 --> 00:27:06.469 Nikolai Blinow: But it influences a lot of our culture and our attitudes towards neurodivergence. Basically, a lot of the criticisms are, historically, so much of the research was done on men, and specifically young boys.
00:27:06.470 --> 00:27:15.870 Nikolai Blinow: And what we are tending to see in women, and I think this is maybe also part just, like, gender socialization.
00:27:16.420 --> 00:27:31.920 Nikolai Blinow: Boys seem much more likely to have externally manifesting forms of neurodivergence, and so they're much more likely to get diagnosed. What I mean by that is, like, when they're in school, they're the… more likely to be disruptive ones.
00:27:32.020 --> 00:27:46.500 Nikolai Blinow: They're being hyperactive, they're having trouble waiting their turn. Women… there's always exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, what we see is their neurodivergence tends to manifest more inwardly.
00:27:46.730 --> 00:27:54.569 Nikolai Blinow: So, ADHD, for example, stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity.
00:27:54.750 --> 00:27:55.960 Nikolai Blinow: disorder.
00:27:57.190 --> 00:28:08.719 Nikolai Blinow: men, they find, are more likely to have the hyperactivity that comes out on the outside. Women, the hyperactivity turns inwards, so they tend to have more of a hyperactive brain.
00:28:08.970 --> 00:28:10.010 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Hmm…
00:28:10.340 --> 00:28:23.240 Nikolai Blinow: a lot of thinking, maybe even potential obsessive or OCD-like thoughts, but the outside world may not be seeing the manifestation of that, which is why
00:28:23.720 --> 00:28:28.410 Nikolai Blinow: A lot of them don't get diagnosed or get the support that they want, because…
00:28:28.650 --> 00:28:31.810 Nikolai Blinow: They're dealing with it all inside of themselves.
00:28:32.790 --> 00:28:36.949 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: I see, I see. So, so more external versus internal.
00:28:37.690 --> 00:28:40.230 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Good thing. Interesting, interesting.
00:28:40.670 --> 00:28:45.990 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And just before we take our break, I'm just curious.
00:28:46.110 --> 00:28:48.569 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Why did you decide to become a therapist?
00:28:49.440 --> 00:28:53.609 Nikolai Blinow: Why did I decide to become a therapist? Well…
00:28:54.000 --> 00:29:01.020 Nikolai Blinow: I'm a neurodiverse person myself, I have ADHD, but I did not know it until later in life.
00:29:01.020 --> 00:29:02.100 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Hmm…
00:29:02.100 --> 00:29:03.830 Nikolai Blinow: And,
00:29:04.410 --> 00:29:11.959 Nikolai Blinow: Personally, I come from a background where one of my parents is an immigrant from Eastern Europe, and my other parent is American.
00:29:12.250 --> 00:29:24.610 Nikolai Blinow: And why that becomes relevant is I got a lot of messaging growing up about, like, creating the American dream, but also making sure I had stability, and so I worked really hard, I think, probably my whole life.
00:29:24.990 --> 00:29:39.430 Nikolai Blinow: got what I thought was gonna be my dream job, and then realized, hmm, it's not really that fulfilling to me. It was fine. I worked in corporate, institutional fundraising.
00:29:39.990 --> 00:29:46.499 Nikolai Blinow: And so I raised money for… I actually focused on higher education, because I felt like
00:29:47.030 --> 00:29:55.499 Nikolai Blinow: I was raising money, but I was raising money for higher education. It was a nice blend of having a job that felt stable, but also values-based.
00:29:57.270 --> 00:30:08.800 Nikolai Blinow: I didn't love it! It wasn't fulfilling, and so I just did some soul-searching. I actually went for my birthday one year to Costa Rica, and it was a very eye-opening trip for me, and I thought.
00:30:09.000 --> 00:30:09.820 Nikolai Blinow: Huh.
00:30:10.060 --> 00:30:11.379 Nikolai Blinow: Trying to be happy?
00:30:12.170 --> 00:30:23.230 Nikolai Blinow: what can I do that's just gonna make me happy? But I'm not independently wealthy, so I still have to earn a living, and I want to do work that I enjoy. And what I came to is…
00:30:23.390 --> 00:30:31.699 Nikolai Blinow: In my fundraising work, I got to work with people. That's what you do when you fundraise. You basically get to know them, so you can ask them to give you money.
00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:33.159 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yep.
00:30:33.600 --> 00:30:39.760 Nikolai Blinow: I liked that part. I liked the people of it. I didn't like that…
00:30:40.280 --> 00:30:52.750 Nikolai Blinow: the end game felt like it was tied towards something that I personally wasn't connected to. And also, as a neurodiverse person, I have had a long-standing habit of being able to
00:30:52.890 --> 00:31:00.150 Nikolai Blinow: basically perform very well at every job I've ever done, which, when you're in a corporate setting, means they will just give you more work.
00:31:02.580 --> 00:31:06.299 Nikolai Blinow: And so I thought, okay, if I become a therapist, I can…
00:31:06.470 --> 00:31:16.620 Nikolai Blinow: literally just work with people for a living, which is something I really like about my job. Instead of having to sell them on donating to whatever cause I work for.
00:31:16.620 --> 00:31:17.060 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Mmm.
00:31:17.060 --> 00:31:20.829 Nikolai Blinow: I get to figure out their goals and sell them on their own goals.
00:31:21.090 --> 00:31:36.340 Nikolai Blinow: And I can be autonomous, right? I can open my own practice, and, I can sort of work on my terms in a way that still allows me to do great work with my clients, but also gives me, sort of, time and energy freedom. So…
00:31:36.700 --> 00:31:42.500 Nikolai Blinow: It's a bit of a long journey to get there and come to those insights, but feel very grateful.
00:31:43.060 --> 00:31:53.649 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yeah. So, I don't remember if I mentioned it in our pre-interview, my wife is a therapist also, and she's also a highly sensitive person, so neurodiverse as well.
00:31:53.650 --> 00:31:57.560 Nikolai Blinow: So she understands me, we probably would get along great.
00:31:57.560 --> 00:32:00.349 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: I bet you would, I bet you would.
00:32:00.350 --> 00:32:21.389 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Okay, we're going to take a quick break, and when we come back, I want to ask you about your TEDx talk about yoga and the connection to mental health, and really get into the more somatic side of mental wellness and what we can do somatically to really support having a better life, okay?
00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:22.930 Nikolai Blinow: Absolutely.
00:32:22.930 --> 00:32:42.300 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Wonderful, wonderful. So everyone, please stay tuned. You're listening to The Conscious Consultant Hour Awakening Humanity. We do this every Wednesday, 12 noon to 1 p.m. Eastern Time, right here on TalkRadio.nyc and all over social media, and we'll be right back with our guest, Nikolai Blinow, in just a moment.
00:33:56.140 --> 00:34:07.329 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And welcome back to the Conscious Consultant Hour Awakening Humanity. So, Nikolai, you did a TEDx talk, Yoga and Its Connection to Mental Health.
00:34:07.720 --> 00:34:11.209 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Tell us about that. What is the connection to mental health?
00:34:12.100 --> 00:34:13.750 Nikolai Blinow: Yeah,
00:34:14.050 --> 00:34:24.580 Nikolai Blinow: It's been a journey. I… when I started my graduate program, full disclosure, I was looking at a lot of holistically oriented programs.
00:34:24.840 --> 00:34:35.789 Nikolai Blinow: And I ended up not at a holistically oriented program, because I was given a grad assistantship, which was a great opportunity for me to go to school.
00:34:35.909 --> 00:34:38.600 Nikolai Blinow: And get my education at no cost.
00:34:38.900 --> 00:34:47.309 Nikolai Blinow: But the reason I share that is because my entire graduate school training, I was told
00:34:47.560 --> 00:34:49.640 Nikolai Blinow: Yoga is not mental health.
00:34:50.020 --> 00:35:08.730 Nikolai Blinow: For the whole time. It should be separate things, and… and I always felt a little bit disconnected from that, and I'm happy to see that now things have come a little bit more full circle, and you see a lot of people in the trauma world, like Bessel van der Koch, using…
00:35:09.200 --> 00:35:11.589 Nikolai Blinow: Yoga and somatic therapies.
00:35:11.820 --> 00:35:23.699 Nikolai Blinow: So I feel like maybe my TED Talk, in some ways, was a bit of, like, a healing moment for me to take my life with my personal yoga practice and my life teaching it.
00:35:23.950 --> 00:35:29.340 Nikolai Blinow: My training, sort of, as a clinical therapist. And really, almost…
00:35:29.760 --> 00:35:35.120 Nikolai Blinow: Advocate for the overlap between the two, because
00:35:36.260 --> 00:35:54.569 Nikolai Blinow: You know, I was… I found my personal yoga practice when I went to college, when I was, like, 18 or 19 years old. I have more of a meditation practice now versus, like, a formal yoga or asana practice, which, for people who don't know yoga, asana is a lot of times what we think about
00:35:54.920 --> 00:35:59.059 Nikolai Blinow: As yoga, it's like when you go to the class, and you do the poses.
00:35:59.740 --> 00:36:07.270 Nikolai Blinow: Hmm. But… I had many moments when I was doing my graduate school training
00:36:08.060 --> 00:36:16.519 Nikolai Blinow: having thoughts very similar to what you shared in your blog post, right? Like, when we are sitting in a therapy experience with someone.
00:36:16.770 --> 00:36:21.209 Nikolai Blinow: Often, we're helping them work through uncomfortable emotions.
00:36:22.080 --> 00:36:38.279 Nikolai Blinow: And so much, historically, therapy has been about getting people into their heads, and sort of analyzing why they act that way, or finding meaning from it. But I've always felt like, isn't your body also having an experience
00:36:38.530 --> 00:36:50.949 Nikolai Blinow: And when I think about my experience being in yoga classes, I think about, ugh, how many times did they put me into poses that were, like, really hard and really uncomfortable?
00:36:52.440 --> 00:37:00.139 Nikolai Blinow: And I had to breathe through it. Or I had to learn to just check in with my body and find, like, when should I just breathe through it?
00:37:00.380 --> 00:37:05.840 Nikolai Blinow: Or when should I maybe just tap out a little bit, take a child's pose, or down.
00:37:05.840 --> 00:37:06.290 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: we're dot.
00:37:06.290 --> 00:37:07.689 Nikolai Blinow: And take a rest.
00:37:07.960 --> 00:37:18.829 Nikolai Blinow: And for me, I think That is mental health, maybe, like, the most microcosmic
00:37:19.070 --> 00:37:37.909 Nikolai Blinow: level, right? Like, that is your body learning to engage with discomfort, and comfort, and being present, and recognizing the tendency to not want to be present, and watching the monkey mind float around and distract itself. Like, when you're in a yoga class.
00:37:38.980 --> 00:37:43.220 Nikolai Blinow: I think you are also working on your mental health, and maybe…
00:37:43.760 --> 00:37:49.860 Nikolai Blinow: It's just not always as overt and obvious as when you're sitting in an office with a therapist.
00:37:49.990 --> 00:37:54.110 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
00:37:54.760 --> 00:38:00.170 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: So you developed this method, you call it the Calm Hustle Method.
00:38:00.410 --> 00:38:09.030 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Where does this method come from, and how does it help neurodiverse women leaders?
00:38:10.280 --> 00:38:18.069 Nikolai Blinow: Yeah, it comes from years of… of me, sort of, sitting in front of people, bringing in…
00:38:19.310 --> 00:38:31.230 Nikolai Blinow: holistic yoga principles, somatic principles, EMDR, which is technically a trauma treatment, or DBT, which is the other clinical practice I do.
00:38:31.420 --> 00:38:36.999 Nikolai Blinow: And really just… Watching for themes in my clients.
00:38:38.090 --> 00:38:48.540 Nikolai Blinow: But also, in myself, I'm a big believer in practice what you preach. I think that to be a good clinician, we should walk the walk, and not just
00:38:48.700 --> 00:38:50.170 Nikolai Blinow: Talk the talk.
00:38:51.150 --> 00:39:03.569 Nikolai Blinow: And so as I have just been reflecting on, like, what are the themes I see in people, what are the things I tend to help people with, I saw four main themes.
00:39:04.060 --> 00:39:05.500 Nikolai Blinow: And they are this.
00:39:06.030 --> 00:39:11.740 Nikolai Blinow: If we want to lead lives that are regulated.
00:39:11.900 --> 00:39:19.690 Nikolai Blinow: And to feel successful, however we define that, without feeling Completely stressed out and overwhelmed.
00:39:19.970 --> 00:39:24.220 Nikolai Blinow: We need to, prioritize flow.
00:39:24.390 --> 00:39:25.830 Nikolai Blinow: over force.
00:39:26.080 --> 00:39:38.189 Nikolai Blinow: Because I see so many of my high achievers, especially who are neurodiverse, they think the answer to get wherever they want to be in life is to push harder.
00:39:39.170 --> 00:39:40.830 Nikolai Blinow: Be more disciplined.
00:39:41.650 --> 00:39:46.400 Nikolai Blinow: find the right strategy with their button to gear. And I can just tell you, like.
00:39:46.860 --> 00:39:58.480 Nikolai Blinow: that's not it. I equate it to the old Greek myth of, like, Sisyphus was a character who was sent to hell, and he had to push a boulder up a hill for all of eternity.
00:39:59.160 --> 00:40:12.940 Nikolai Blinow: Like, when we are living our lives every day, trying to motivate ourselves based on force, or some variation of, like, work harder, do better, we become like Sisyphus, who is just pushing the boulder up the hill.
00:40:13.060 --> 00:40:15.180 Nikolai Blinow: Which is literally a metaphor for help.
00:40:17.050 --> 00:40:18.499 Nikolai Blinow: It's just,
00:40:19.060 --> 00:40:37.629 Nikolai Blinow: not a… it doesn't feel good. And if we want to talk practicality, right? If we're pushing the metaphorical boulder up the hill every day, we are just living every day from a place of effort, which is going to result in eventual exhaustion, and the metaphorical boulder is just going to keep rolling back down.
00:40:37.870 --> 00:40:38.590 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Right.
00:40:39.020 --> 00:40:48.219 Nikolai Blinow: That actually, in the long run, I think, makes us less productive and sets us back farther from whatever goals we're trying to achieve.
00:40:49.390 --> 00:40:54.000 Nikolai Blinow: So I think finding flow in life over force is very important.
00:40:54.210 --> 00:41:00.789 Nikolai Blinow: The other theme that I have seen is, rhythm over rigidity.
00:41:02.140 --> 00:41:06.610 Nikolai Blinow: So many, especially, again, my high achiever.
00:41:06.840 --> 00:41:08.410 Nikolai Blinow: neurodiverse…
00:41:08.540 --> 00:41:22.639 Nikolai Blinow: ADHD women, they think the answer is more discipline, and so sometimes that's sort of your inner critic pushing you, but sometimes it's also creating these rules for yourself that are inflexible and unrealistic.
00:41:23.550 --> 00:41:24.290 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Right.
00:41:24.580 --> 00:41:26.319 Nikolai Blinow: And as you know, right.
00:41:26.750 --> 00:41:32.040 Nikolai Blinow: The one thing we can guarantee in life is that, like, the universe is always changing.
00:41:32.330 --> 00:41:34.020 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yes.
00:41:34.220 --> 00:41:35.859 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Change is constant.
00:41:36.050 --> 00:41:41.169 Nikolai Blinow: Yes, and yet I think sometimes when people are in their day-to-day lives.
00:41:41.290 --> 00:41:51.730 Nikolai Blinow: You know, they can get rigid, and they don't know how to flow with the rhythms of life. And that just creates more dysregulation and more suffering.
00:41:52.050 --> 00:41:52.780 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yeah.
00:41:53.980 --> 00:42:05.759 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And more disconnection, because, you know, when we're not paying attention to the nature that's all around us, and the flow of nature, like, we've gotten very good at human beings of…
00:42:06.400 --> 00:42:24.090 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: living in cities where it doesn't matter whether it's summer or winter or spring, or fall, we act like it's the same time all year long, and that just disconnects us from nature and gives us more stress instead of flowing with the natural rhythm of
00:42:24.100 --> 00:42:31.499 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: You know, winter is when we rest, fall is when we harvest, spring and summer is when we plant and sow.
00:42:32.370 --> 00:42:44.270 Nikolai Blinow: Absolutely, and I've had that exact conversation with my clients, especially who might come in saying they have seasonal affective disorder, right?
00:42:44.470 --> 00:42:50.279 Nikolai Blinow: It's, sometimes… Part of the problem is…
00:42:50.310 --> 00:43:08.450 Nikolai Blinow: we're fighting against the natural rhythms. The world around us, modern society, is making us think we should be one way, but our nervous systems, our bodies, our primitive selves, are still trying to flow with the natural rhythms of life, and then there's that conflict.
00:43:09.360 --> 00:43:19.670 Nikolai Blinow: And if you think of living your life in that conflict for many months out of the year, like, of course you're gonna get exhausted, and potentially even depressed.
00:43:20.190 --> 00:43:22.719 Nikolai Blinow: Right? You're, like, fighting your own nature.
00:43:23.260 --> 00:43:23.970 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Hmm.
00:43:25.310 --> 00:43:28.320 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yeah, 100%, 100%.
00:43:28.510 --> 00:43:31.629 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: But, you know, society is so focused
00:43:31.800 --> 00:43:42.740 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: on making every member of society as productive as possible. And if you're a woman in a leadership position, there's a lot of pressure on you to be productive.
00:43:43.470 --> 00:43:46.730 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: How do you balance the productivity with flow?
00:43:48.780 --> 00:43:52.090 Nikolai Blinow: I said your blog post was so serendipitous.
00:43:52.370 --> 00:43:59.780 Nikolai Blinow: I think it comes back to what you were talking about at the beginning of the episode, which is part of the process, and…
00:44:00.670 --> 00:44:10.289 Nikolai Blinow: Component 3 of my Calm Hustle Method is learning to focus on internal safety versus external validation.
00:44:12.060 --> 00:44:18.080 Nikolai Blinow: If you are going to rewrite the narrative around
00:44:18.200 --> 00:44:30.340 Nikolai Blinow: work and productivity so that your nervous system can feel safe and you can be successful. I genuinely believe that part of that is going to be a bit of facing some fears.
00:44:30.650 --> 00:44:31.500 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Hmm…
00:44:31.500 --> 00:44:41.929 Nikolai Blinow: Right? And part of having a good therapist or coach, I think this is where a therapist or coach is very helpful, is we can help people
00:44:42.190 --> 00:44:53.260 Nikolai Blinow: start to tease out, like, when is this a moment where maybe I just need to face my fear, and I almost need to, like, radically rest and resist the urge to be productive?
00:44:53.550 --> 00:45:05.150 Nikolai Blinow: Or when is this a moment where, based on the circumstances happening at this moment in time, you know what, maybe I do need to push through a little bit, because I tell my clients, if we think about flow over force.
00:45:06.110 --> 00:45:11.559 Nikolai Blinow: I'm a holistic person. I'm not gonna tell you you should never have to use force and
00:45:11.900 --> 00:45:13.749 Nikolai Blinow: Through something in your life.
00:45:14.740 --> 00:45:28.070 Nikolai Blinow: But if we're gonna put a statistical number on it, I think maybe we should be forcing through things, like, 10, 20, 25% of the time, maybe? I don't think that should be, sort of, our primary mode of operating in life.
00:45:28.490 --> 00:45:36.400 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Gotcha, gotcha. So it's something that we do on occasion, but it's not a daily practice of pushing through things.
00:45:36.770 --> 00:45:41.820 Nikolai Blinow: And the problem is, for, I think, a lot of people, It's a daily practice.
00:45:41.820 --> 00:45:42.670 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yes, exactly.
00:45:42.670 --> 00:45:44.700 Nikolai Blinow: Instead of something they do…
00:45:44.740 --> 00:45:59.580 Nikolai Blinow: oh, you know what, this situation really merits it, so… because if you think about it, when you're forcing, you're tapping into a lot of energy reserves, you're metaphorically pushing the big boulder up the hill, you get it to the top of the hill.
00:45:59.580 --> 00:46:05.219 Nikolai Blinow: But now you are tired, so you need to also allow the space
00:46:05.220 --> 00:46:14.359 Nikolai Blinow: and that, like, flow and the rhythm to just, like, recharge your batteries. Trust that the energy is going to, like, naturally come back.
00:46:14.480 --> 00:46:31.709 Nikolai Blinow: And that instead of being productive, maybe, in what society has told us we should be doing, we need to productively recharge ourselves by, like, taking a break, getting out into nature, meditating, doing a yoga practice, reading a book that feels restorative.
00:46:32.100 --> 00:46:33.500 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Hmm.
00:46:34.480 --> 00:46:46.720 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: So I imagine sometimes when women come to you and they're burnt out or facing challenges, your prescription for them is take a yoga class, take a hike in nature, do something like that?
00:46:47.240 --> 00:46:54.129 Nikolai Blinow: It's… so, DBT, which is my primary clinical orientation that I've been doing for many years.
00:46:54.130 --> 00:46:54.590 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Trivals.
00:46:54.590 --> 00:46:58.520 Nikolai Blinow: stands for dialectical Behavioral Therapy, and it means.
00:46:59.750 --> 00:47:02.899 Nikolai Blinow: Two things that seem opposite can both be true.
00:47:03.270 --> 00:47:05.139 Nikolai Blinow: So you can be productive.
00:47:05.630 --> 00:47:09.280 Nikolai Blinow: And you can be restful, or need to rest.
00:47:09.550 --> 00:47:22.500 Nikolai Blinow: And the reason I share that for anyone who's listening is, mindfulness, I think, is one of the most important things in DBT that we teach people with, and I think that's why
00:47:22.500 --> 00:47:31.529 Nikolai Blinow: I was drawn to it as a yoga teacher who became a therapist, is mindfulness is, like, the first thing I teach people.
00:47:32.210 --> 00:47:37.200 Nikolai Blinow: And… Often, just like you were saying today,
00:47:37.810 --> 00:47:45.389 Nikolai Blinow: it's the simplest things, and the things that seem most basic that we come back to. And I find that the same with my clients.
00:47:45.390 --> 00:47:45.930 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Hmm.
00:47:45.930 --> 00:47:51.270 Nikolai Blinow: Reconnecting with mindfulness practices over and over and over again, because.
00:47:51.270 --> 00:47:51.710 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Hmm…
00:47:51.710 --> 00:47:58.570 Nikolai Blinow: It is very easy to become disconnected from a mindful way of life in modern society.
00:48:01.340 --> 00:48:09.640 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: I'm curious, since you are a yoga teacher, were a yoga teacher before therapists, I've heard that…
00:48:09.960 --> 00:48:19.329 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: the idea of yoga in India is very different than it is here. That it was really, initially, it's a spiritual practice.
00:48:19.560 --> 00:48:36.159 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: not an exercise routine, but when it came to the United States over the years, it sort of morphed into this, oh, it's a great way to stay in shape or stay flexible. And I'm curious, for you, is it a spiritual practice, or is it an exercise?
00:48:37.790 --> 00:48:57.409 Nikolai Blinow: It is not an exercise anymore. I exercise by going outside and moving my body, taking walks, I do weight training exercise. For me, I feel like when I think of yoga, it means now more a spiritual practice in terms of, sort of.
00:48:57.810 --> 00:49:12.039 Nikolai Blinow: how I'm sort of conceptualizing and living my life. And that is true. I'm very grateful the yoga training program I went through was a year-long training program, which is actually quite long.
00:49:12.230 --> 00:49:27.569 Nikolai Blinow: and it was an integrative yoga therapy, so, they actually gave us a lot of training about the spiritual history of yoga as part of the process. And you're absolutely right that, yoga from sort of an Eastern
00:49:27.720 --> 00:49:28.970 Nikolai Blinow: philosophy.
00:49:29.250 --> 00:49:39.339 Nikolai Blinow: basically, what we think of as yoga here in the United States, it was all done to just prepare people for meditation and spiritual practice, and basically get the body
00:49:39.850 --> 00:49:45.769 Nikolai Blinow: Ready to be able to sit for long periods of time, and get the mind ready to be able to sit.
00:49:47.470 --> 00:50:01.010 Nikolai Blinow: So, I still think going to a westernized yoga practice is great, and I'll never tell people not to go. There's a lot that it offers. But I also think when I talk about mindfulness and helping my clients be mindful.
00:50:01.010 --> 00:50:09.480 Nikolai Blinow: I'm also perfectly happy guiding them to practices that may not be going to a yoga class, or be thought of as
00:50:09.480 --> 00:50:11.610 Nikolai Blinow: traditional yoga. Could be…
00:50:11.770 --> 00:50:17.459 Nikolai Blinow: You know, sitting outside in the morning and just, like, listening to the birds and being present.
00:50:18.520 --> 00:50:21.829 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yeah, yeah, wonderful, wonderful.
00:50:23.000 --> 00:50:31.599 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: I'm curious if… In the last 5-6 years since the pandemic, if you notice a trend of
00:50:32.220 --> 00:50:46.869 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: you know, what women are coming to see you for? Like, what… is it the same as before? Have things shifted at all? Do you see, like, today, are people struggling with different issues than in the past?
00:50:48.200 --> 00:50:55.829 Nikolai Blinow: I, I honestly think, and in the clinical mental health community, there has definitely been talk of this, that,
00:50:57.060 --> 00:51:02.200 Nikolai Blinow: COVID was a, basically, mass-level traumatic event.
00:51:03.350 --> 00:51:15.339 Nikolai Blinow: And so, a lot of people experience some sort of trauma in maybe different spectrums of intensity. Some people…
00:51:15.480 --> 00:51:18.980 Nikolai Blinow: Got sick, some people lost people to illness.
00:51:18.980 --> 00:51:19.390 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: a mess.
00:51:19.830 --> 00:51:25.120 Nikolai Blinow: Some people just lost… ways of life.
00:51:25.480 --> 00:51:28.209 Nikolai Blinow: social connection. I saw that
00:51:28.370 --> 00:51:47.040 Nikolai Blinow: working with a lot of women in leadership and, achievement-oriented roles, entrepreneurs, I think one of the things I saw is the social component of when we were all isolated. A lot of women really
00:51:47.200 --> 00:52:00.060 Nikolai Blinow: Need that to sort of offset the daily stressors of the work that they were doing, and it was taken away from them for a pretty decent period of time.
00:52:00.970 --> 00:52:03.280 Nikolai Blinow: So I think…
00:52:04.090 --> 00:52:09.410 Nikolai Blinow: not just in women, I think in society, we're still seeing the ripple effects. I have…
00:52:09.630 --> 00:52:15.729 Nikolai Blinow: colleagues who are educators, who are talking about the after-effects of COVID, even in young children.
00:52:15.730 --> 00:52:16.270 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: emotional development.
00:52:16.270 --> 00:52:20.010 Nikolai Blinow: development, I think…
00:52:20.990 --> 00:52:37.210 Nikolai Blinow: to simplify it as simply as I can in just a couple of minutes, what I notice is people seem to be getting more just extreme in their experience. And what I mean is just there's less sort of gray area.
00:52:37.290 --> 00:52:49.030 Nikolai Blinow: happening in the world, and even at the level of people's nervous systems, I think it's much easier for people to go from, I'm okay, to, oh my gosh, I'm completely overwhelmed, or
00:52:49.940 --> 00:52:57.270 Nikolai Blinow: I'm at the grocery store, and this person accidentally bumped me with their cart, and I want to snip at them.
00:52:57.500 --> 00:53:00.869 Nikolai Blinow: Like, I think people are just more reactive.
00:53:00.870 --> 00:53:01.600 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Mmm.
00:53:02.180 --> 00:53:06.539 Nikolai Blinow: And I think that's, if I put it in trauma terms, stems from…
00:53:07.590 --> 00:53:18.230 Nikolai Blinow: not feeling safe at the level of our body, and I think that's what a lot of us experienced during COVID, and I think most people haven't gone for therapy or some sort of
00:53:18.340 --> 00:53:24.220 Nikolai Blinow: Holistic healing, somatic healing, to help their bodies work through that, and so it's… it's still there.
00:53:24.710 --> 00:53:25.460 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yeah.
00:53:25.610 --> 00:53:26.520 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yeah.
00:53:26.890 --> 00:53:31.250 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yeah, absolutely. I truly feel like there's this…
00:53:31.590 --> 00:53:49.920 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: low-level societal anxiety that's been around since COVID that we really haven't processed or worked our way through, that's still sitting there. And so, I see people on the street sometimes
00:53:49.940 --> 00:53:59.629 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: like, yelling at other people for the most minor things that in the past would have been like, oh, watch out, you know? And now it's like, how dare you?
00:54:00.040 --> 00:54:06.100 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And it really feels like everybody in the world is on edge. And then you.
00:54:06.100 --> 00:54:06.650 Nikolai Blinow: Yeah!
00:54:06.650 --> 00:54:16.030 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: On top of that, all the massive changes with technology is putting upon us, and how quickly the world is shifting, and that makes us even more stressed.
00:54:16.190 --> 00:54:17.980 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Dealing with more change.
00:54:18.600 --> 00:54:31.720 Nikolai Blinow: Yeah, and our brains don't have the time to genuinely rest and recharge. There was a book called Burnout that was written probably 5 or 6 years ago now, probably around the time of COVID.
00:54:32.140 --> 00:54:37.939 Nikolai Blinow: And, there's a chapter in there about rest, and how much rest we really need.
00:54:38.100 --> 00:54:42.669 Nikolai Blinow: And they say, actually, 40% of our time should be spent resting.
00:54:43.080 --> 00:54:44.070 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Hmm…
00:54:44.070 --> 00:54:45.480 Nikolai Blinow: Sleep counts.
00:54:45.590 --> 00:54:54.699 Nikolai Blinow: But, if there's 24 hours in a day, I've done the math, 40% of that comes out to about, like, 10, 10 and a half hours.
00:54:55.820 --> 00:54:59.929 Nikolai Blinow: If most people are sleeping 6 to 9 hours a day.
00:55:00.020 --> 00:55:17.099 Nikolai Blinow: That means, like, every single one of us, even if we're sleeping a lot, there should be active rest woven into our day, at least probably an hour a day, maybe even more. And I know very few people who are actually doing that.
00:55:17.270 --> 00:55:18.090 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yeah.
00:55:18.290 --> 00:55:31.849 Nikolai Blinow: And technology is part of the challenge, because it provides the opportunity to be constantly on, and we're never getting the rest that actually is an important part of our nervous system regulation and our productivity process.
00:55:32.140 --> 00:55:33.410 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Yeah, right.
00:55:33.700 --> 00:55:44.329 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Well, Nikolai, it's been a pleasure having you on my show. If people want to learn more about you, find out about your work, where can they go? How can they get in touch with you?
00:55:44.770 --> 00:55:54.280 Nikolai Blinow: Absolutely! So, my website is honestly the best way, and it is ohmpowermentPsych.com.
00:55:54.430 --> 00:56:06.289 Nikolai Blinow: So, it's like the word empowerment, but with an O, because we're holistic. OMPowerment. And then psych, like psychology. OMPowermentPsych.com.
00:56:06.290 --> 00:56:23.680 Nikolai Blinow: I try to make things as simple for people as possible, especially because I work with a lot of neurodiverse folks, so if you're out there and you need support, I literally have a button up there that says, schedule a consult, and it takes you directly to my booking calendar, so we can get you in
00:56:23.740 --> 00:56:29.189 Nikolai Blinow: To chat about what's not working, and where you'd like to be as quickly as possible, and…
00:56:29.600 --> 00:56:33.849 Nikolai Blinow: please reach out, you know? If you need the support, I'd love to support you.
00:56:34.260 --> 00:56:50.440 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Wonderful, wonderful. Well, Nikolai, thank you so much for taking the time to come on the show. I truly appreciate you. I deeply believe in the kind of work that you do. And, you know, my wife being a somatic therapist, and myself working with people, I find that
00:56:50.510 --> 00:57:02.780 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: the more we focus on the body, the more effective the healing, no matter what kind of healing it is, it absolutely is. So, thank you for your time.
00:57:03.380 --> 00:57:04.300 Nikolai Blinow: Thank you.
00:57:04.830 --> 00:57:28.079 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: And of course, thank you, my loyal listeners, for tuning in each week. Without you, there is no show. And don't forget, if you did miss any part of today's show, you can always catch the replay on TalkRadio.nyc, and on your favorite social media channel, and on your favorite podcasting app, Apple, Spotify, Pandora, iHeartRadio. Wherever you listen to podcasts, you can find The Conscious Consultant Hour.
00:57:28.080 --> 00:57:33.340 Sam Liebowitz | The Conscious Consultant: Thank you all for tuning in. Take care, we will talk to you all next week.
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