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The Expansion Room

Wednesday, October 29, 2025
29
Oct
Facebook Live Video from 2025/10/29-Effective Boundary Setting for Self-Care This Holiday Season

 
Facebook Live Video from 2025/10/29-Effective Boundary Setting for Self-Care This Holiday Season

 

2025/10/29-Effective Boundary Setting for Self-Care This Holiday Season

[NEW EPISODE] Effective Boundary Setting for Self-Care This Holiday Season

In this episode of The Expansion Room, Mental Wellness & Mindset Coach Shervon Laurice explores how setting healthy boundaries is one of the highest forms of self-care—especially during the holiday season.

The end of the year Holiday season can be a beautiful time to re-connect with family and friends and make new memories. And for some of us it can be a very stressful time of unwanted expectations, which is why effective boundary setting is essential to protecting your peace and making self-care a non-negotiable part of your celebrations.

Discover how to:

~ Define your emotional and energetic limits

~ Say “no” without guilt (and “yes” to your wellbeing)

~ Communicate with clarity and consistency

~ Recognize your triggers and protect your peace

~ Strengthen relationships through healthy boundaries

These insights will help you navigate family dynamics, stress, and social expectations with grace this Holiday season—so you can feel grounded, connected, and whole.

Website: restoretranquility.com

IG: instgram.com/restoretranquility

YT: youtube.com/@restoretranquility

LI: linkedin.com/in/shervonlaurice

Circle: the-expansion-room.circle.so


Show Notes

Segment 1

In this episode of The Expansion Room, Shervon starts by discussing how to set healthy boundaries, particularly during the holiday season. She emphasizes the importance of emotional, physical, and time boundaries. Shervon then goes on to share personal experiences to illustrate how introverts can manage social engagements. The conversation highlights the need to protect one's energy and emotional well-being, and to establish clear limits in relationships. Shervon also touches upon the topic of introversion in a extroverted world, which she plans to explore further in an upcoming episode.

Segment 2

Shervon begins the second segment by explaining how to set and maintain healthy boundaries during the holiday season, focusing on physical, emotional, time, energetic, and financial boundaries. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing and respecting one's time and energy limits, as well as setting a budget for holiday spending to avoid buyer's remorse. Shervon encourages us as listeners to create a non-negotiable list of activities to do and not do, as well as to practice saying "no" to commitments that do not serve their peace or priorities. She reframes boundaries as an act of integrity and self-preservation, rather than rejection or restriction.

Segment 3

The third segment focuses on the importance of setting boundaries during the holiday season to protect personal peace and maintain healthy relationships. Shervon emphasizes the need to identify triggers and communicate boundaries clearly, suggesting that working with a therapist can help individuals prepare for potential family dynamics. Shervon also advises us to start being proactive rather than reactive, setting time limits, and being direct about one's capacity and expectations, especially in social settings. She concludes the segment by encouraging us to practice clear communication and take action if boundaries are crossed.

Segment 4

In the final segment Shervon touches on the importance of setting boundaries during the holiday season to maintain personal well-being and healthy relationships. She emphasizes that boundaries are not about rejection but about creating safety and authenticity. Shervon encourages listeners to create a "holiday peace promise" by identifying and committing to no more than five boundaries, such as financial or time limits. She also advises setting intentions for emotional self-care before events and using clear communication to express boundaries. Shervon concludes the episode by reinforcing that saying no is an act of self-love and that honoring limits allows for more authentic engagement with loved ones.


Transcript

00:01:00.400 --> 00:01:11.869

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Hello, and welcome back to the Expansion Room. I am your host, Siobhan Larisse, and this is the space where inner work and…

00:01:12.010 --> 00:01:24.339

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Observation, self-observation meets impact. And today, we are going to be talking about one of my favorite topics.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Boundaries. Setting effective and healthy boundaries.

00:01:31.530 --> 00:01:35.280

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So this week… is Halloween.

00:01:35.830 --> 00:01:45.869

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And at… on Friday, many people across the country will be celebrating Halloween, and I have long accepted

00:01:46.000 --> 00:01:56.140

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: the fact that Halloween Is the unofficial start to the winter or end of the year holiday season.

00:01:56.780 --> 00:01:58.100

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And…

00:01:58.160 --> 00:02:16.049

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And I say that because I also have also nicknamed this time of year the Season of Eating, because it seems to begin, for me at least, and the folks that I know, with Halloween. And so, during this time.

00:02:16.050 --> 00:02:33.910

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: People start to gather and reconnect with family, with friends. There are a lot of events and activities that happen in our personal lives, in our family lives, in our work lives as well.

00:02:33.910 --> 00:02:41.819

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And if you're a business owner, that can definitely spill over into, your business life.

00:02:41.830 --> 00:02:48.239

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: It becomes almost part of the, networking that goes on.

00:02:48.420 --> 00:02:50.010

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Throughout the year.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And so, today, I think it's a perfect time to revisit

00:02:57.450 --> 00:03:02.060

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: How to set and maintain healthy boundaries.

00:03:02.460 --> 00:03:07.079

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: We will explore how to do that clearly.

00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:23.549

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Compassionately, and in ways that help us to protect our energy, stay emotionally grounded, as well as feel our most authentic in our relationships with other people.

00:03:23.740 --> 00:03:31.600

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And to know that setting boundaries does not equate to shutting people out.

00:03:32.870 --> 00:03:41.540

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, this is a topic that I've talked about almost every year around this time with…

00:03:41.810 --> 00:03:59.829

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: either a few clients or a lot of clients, depending on who's in my practice at any given moment. And people find themselves, usually starting around November into December.

00:03:59.860 --> 00:04:03.309

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Grappling with a couple of things.

00:04:03.780 --> 00:04:11.959

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Going back home to family of origin and spending time with family members that maybe they've had.

00:04:12.860 --> 00:04:16.839

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Discord, or maybe some level of…

00:04:17.029 --> 00:04:25.149

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Trauma or drama with in their lives. And they still value

00:04:25.480 --> 00:04:32.529

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Being in space with them, but haven't always known how to best navigate that space.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I also find folks who…

00:04:36.650 --> 00:04:45.809

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Dread the holidays for one or another reason. And folks that find themselves in burnout.

00:04:45.880 --> 00:04:58.730

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: At some point, because of the holiday season, either because they've done too much, or they've spent too much, and have neglected themselves in the process.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So over the years, I have…

00:05:02.450 --> 00:05:20.179

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: had multiple conversations around setting boundaries, and I talk about boundaries all throughout the year, but this is the time of year in particular it happens. And some of my longer-term running clients have said I am the boundary queen.

00:05:20.180 --> 00:05:27.469

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: that is what they have dubbed me or named me. I'm the boundary queen, because I… I value

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Setting boundaries around my time.

00:05:32.390 --> 00:05:34.550

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: and my energy.

00:05:35.070 --> 00:05:42.299

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And around, I guess, my finances as well, and my physical space, my physical body.

00:05:42.570 --> 00:05:45.609

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: One of the things that…

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I was doing, at least when I was younger and before I became a therapist, was I was always running around doing,

00:05:57.050 --> 00:06:08.279

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: social things without taking into account that I'm an introvert, for one, and need time to

00:06:08.430 --> 00:06:15.199

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Recharge my own emotional, mental, and spiritual, as well as physical bound, battery.

00:06:15.490 --> 00:06:23.479

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: after socializing. And there is going to be an episode in a couple of weeks where we talk about

00:06:23.480 --> 00:06:38.390

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: What it means to be an introvert in a very extroverted world, but we'll get there. But I used to run around and feel exhausted or dread social engagements

00:06:38.390 --> 00:06:55.250

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And with… even with the advent of social media, Facebook in particular, where people would put an event on… to Facebook, and then invite you, and in the beginning, I would say yes to things, right?

00:06:55.250 --> 00:07:03.100

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: But as the time came near, I would dread the fact that I had said yes to something.

00:07:04.050 --> 00:07:10.990

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And so, I learned… That because I'm an introvert.

00:07:11.340 --> 00:07:28.180

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I needed to be much more aware of how much time extroverted, quote-unquote time, I am allotting for myself, and that I also then need to allot some downtime, some recharge time.

00:07:28.980 --> 00:07:34.349

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I think, too, for me, travel can be draining, and so,

00:07:34.350 --> 00:07:41.160

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I've always created what I call buffer days around my travel when I drive somewhere.

00:07:41.160 --> 00:07:57.270

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: That is more than a, you know, a couple of hours, and I'm going to spend time there. I usually will create a buffer day once I've returned, and I encourage my clients to do that all the time. Like, why are you coming back

00:07:57.450 --> 00:08:08.419

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Sunday night from a beautiful, long vacation, or a conference, or training, or something else, and then going right into work at 9am on a Monday.

00:08:08.820 --> 00:08:17.889

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Right? So giving ourselves… Some time and space is part of setting boundaries.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And so, around the holidays, that's something to think about. Boundaries define our limits.

00:08:27.250 --> 00:08:29.569

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And our priorities.

00:08:29.850 --> 00:08:41.089

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: They are essentially the limits and guideposts that you create or you establish for yourself and for your relationships with other people.

00:08:41.370 --> 00:08:48.649

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, setting boundaries is crucial for your own mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

00:08:49.070 --> 00:08:57.509

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And I would venture to say it is also crucial for your relationship well-being. Whatever those relationships are.

00:08:59.260 --> 00:09:11.249

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: A lot of people resist setting boundaries. They see them as walls or hard stops for the people in their lives.

00:09:11.390 --> 00:09:24.880

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: But they aren't walls. They are energetic and emotional fences, as it were, right? And they bring clarity around what is ours.

00:09:25.440 --> 00:09:26.900

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And what is not.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Alright, and so that clarity can be great for you and the other person that you are setting the boundary around.

00:09:36.530 --> 00:09:42.639

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So there are different types of boundaries. There are physical boundaries.

00:09:42.890 --> 00:09:49.670

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Emotional boundaries. There are boundaries around time, your energy.

00:09:49.790 --> 00:09:57.239

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: as well as financial boundaries. And so, we're going to cover all of those, hopefully get everything in today.

00:09:57.790 --> 00:10:05.400

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, let's start with emotional boundaries, because I think that is huge, especially around the holidays.

00:10:05.630 --> 00:10:11.919

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Emotional boundaries define the what, where, and how much

00:10:12.160 --> 00:10:27.940

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: you share or want to share your emotional life with someone else. How much of that do you want to give? How much of that do you want to be open with and vulnerable with other people?

00:10:29.190 --> 00:10:37.980

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: It's the choice that you make in how you want to handle your own Emotional life?

00:10:38.180 --> 00:10:47.120

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: As well as… How you… how much of someone else's emotional life you want to take on.

00:10:47.620 --> 00:10:53.960

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: We all know people in our personal lives that emotionally…

00:10:55.250 --> 00:11:01.029

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Mmm… it's not a nice way of saying it, but emotionally dump on us.

00:11:01.260 --> 00:11:09.730

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Without ever asking if we have the capacity in that moment for that conversation.

00:11:10.020 --> 00:11:18.920

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Right? There are people that will call you and start a conversation, and they just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

00:11:19.530 --> 00:11:22.049

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: They barely ask how you are.

00:11:22.270 --> 00:11:26.420

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Or what's going on in your life, They just…

00:11:27.460 --> 00:11:32.829

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: word vomit. You may or may not get in a word edgewise.

00:11:33.110 --> 00:11:41.530

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And then they hang up, because they've gotten what they needed, but then you're left with their emotional vomit.

00:11:41.790 --> 00:11:50.359

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Right? And so… Taking time to know how much capacity you have

00:11:50.500 --> 00:11:55.300

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: For, emotional exchange with other people.

00:11:55.590 --> 00:12:04.340

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Especially folks you don't see that often, but you see them around the holidays, is going to be key. So, protecting your feelings.

00:12:05.490 --> 00:12:08.309

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Preventing emotional dumping.

00:12:09.070 --> 00:12:23.789

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And deciding when it's appropriate to share deep personal information about yourself or someone else deciding they're going to share that information is really key.

00:12:24.300 --> 00:12:34.499

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Limiting conversations with people who are consistently invalidating Or maybe even overcritical.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Of you.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Is gonna also be key.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Understanding that you cannot fix nor control other people's emotions, and they cannot fix or control yours.

00:12:49.560 --> 00:12:58.510

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Then there are physical boundaries, right? Physical boundaries have to do with your own personal space.

00:12:58.840 --> 00:13:03.800

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Right? Around your body, and your comfort with touch.

00:13:04.580 --> 00:13:09.439

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I have heard so many comments over the years about.

00:13:09.520 --> 00:13:25.010

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: People going home to see family members, and there's always this random family member that wants a hug, or wants to come up and put their arms around you, and then you feel uncomfortable.

00:13:25.590 --> 00:13:31.399

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Alright? So you have a right to your own physical space.

00:13:31.620 --> 00:13:35.460

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Your own physical boundary around your body.

00:13:35.680 --> 00:13:44.190

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, establishing respect, privacy, and safety in a physical sense is going to really be key.

00:13:44.600 --> 00:14:02.909

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, defining your space, and setting limits of physical contact. Sometimes, handshake versus hug with certain people, or hey, right, how you doing? But never leaning in for the hug.

00:14:03.730 --> 00:14:06.530

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: One of my pet peeves has always been

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: little children who don't want to hug Uncle So-and-so, aunt so-and-so, whoever it is, but… and they're 2 or 3.

00:14:18.060 --> 00:14:22.470

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: But… The adults push them to hug people.

00:14:23.330 --> 00:14:25.350

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: That they don't really want to hug.

00:14:25.730 --> 00:14:31.830

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I think that's… One of the things that starts to…

00:14:33.410 --> 00:14:40.899

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Indicate to young kids, who then become adults, that their own boundaries do not matter.

00:14:41.060 --> 00:14:48.510

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Right? That they have to do what someone else wants them to do, especially with their bodies.

00:14:48.770 --> 00:14:59.000

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So we have to really pay attention to what we're modeling and showing our children, and it starts with us. So if there is someone or some…

00:14:59.050 --> 00:15:12.380

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: a group of folks that you just don't want to be physically in contact with, you have a right to not do that. And so that's a physical boundary that you can set for yourself.

00:15:13.200 --> 00:15:30.960

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: really… and if someone tries to call you out on it, you can actually respond and let them know. Or, you know, sometimes people will say, I'm sick, I don't want to spread germs, it's fine, that kind of thing. But really paying attention to your inner

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Energy around sharing your physical space.

00:15:36.050 --> 00:15:52.150

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Stating that you do not want to hug, or moving away from someone that's standing too close, or asking not to be disturbed, even when you're doing something else, or maybe because you're resting, are all within your rights.

00:15:53.110 --> 00:15:57.389

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, with that, we will move towards a break.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And when we come back, we will talk about the other types of boundaries that exist.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Come on back.

00:17:48.590 --> 00:18:01.219

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Welcome back to the expansion Room, and today we are talking about setting and maintaining healthy boundaries for the holiday season. And so we talked about

00:18:01.250 --> 00:18:17.830

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: physical boundaries and emotional boundaries in the last segment. And moving into boundaries around time is key, because there's going to be a lot of events that will be scheduled, and you have to figure out whether or not

00:18:18.090 --> 00:18:31.890

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: you have the time capacity to make it to all the activities that you want, or at least all the activities that you're invited to. And so, basically, knowing what your time limit is.

00:18:31.890 --> 00:18:41.020

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: connects with, also, the next boundary, which is the energetic boundary. What is your energy capacity?

00:18:41.650 --> 00:18:52.259

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: For socializing, for gathering with other people, or even your capacity to be around certain other people.

00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:56.680

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, in reference to time, I…

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: when I put something on my calendar that is a social thing, I know what time I want to get there, and what time I want to leave by, generally speaking.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: before I, even embark to go. And I say that because

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Particularly for parties. Parties are usually open-ended or hours and hours long, and being an introvert, I don't relish being in a room full of people and engaging for more than, say, 3 hours.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: at a time.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I hit a wall, and I suddenly get tired, and I start to shut down, right? And so, you have to know what your time boundary capacity is for events.

00:19:52.920 --> 00:19:57.779

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: based on your energetic needs. Now, if you're an extrovert.

00:19:57.840 --> 00:20:13.160

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: then you probably are one who might be, well, I'll just go, and there's no exit time for me. And that's okay. Know that that's good for you, but maybe somebody you're traveling with…

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: that might not be so great for, right? And so, valuing your… knowing and valuing your time, it involves you recognizing your priorities.

00:20:26.080 --> 00:20:37.990

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And you'll want to create some open communication around your time boundaries, so that other people are not expecting more time from you.

00:20:38.090 --> 00:20:51.509

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: The other piece is, and I've worked with many a client around this, is your family of origin may have an expectation that you're coming home, say, for Christmas week.

00:20:52.090 --> 00:21:00.849

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: 7, 8 days of hanging out in your family home with your family. But you, now being an adult.

00:21:00.960 --> 00:21:07.430

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: May not see that as the best use or desired use of your time.

00:21:08.690 --> 00:21:10.829

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: But if you don't say that.

00:21:11.150 --> 00:21:18.950

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: then you are moving with false expectation, right? And so you can start to…

00:21:19.750 --> 00:21:27.189

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Talk to your family about how much time you will have to come home.

00:21:27.340 --> 00:21:38.669

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, instead of 7 or 8 days, maybe you're going home for 3 or 4 days during that holiday, right? Or every holiday. Or…

00:21:38.940 --> 00:21:52.469

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: the time capacity piece could be about which holidays you go home for. Maybe you don't really want to celebrate Christmas in a way that you used to.

00:21:52.970 --> 00:21:58.449

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And so that's a holiday you'd rather not go home, but you go home for Thanksgiving.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Right? And so that's the piece around time.

00:22:03.910 --> 00:22:08.360

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: The energetics is just maintaining your own…

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: level of energy and how you take care of yourself is going to be key. Energetic boundaries help you to protect and maintain your own emotions and thoughts and energetic capacity,

00:22:25.570 --> 00:22:37.049

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And so it allows you to prevent yourself from being absorbed into someone else's, pace and energy, and…

00:22:37.280 --> 00:22:44.159

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: let's face it, there could be, you know, drama or a discord, right? And so you want to protect your peace.

00:22:46.540 --> 00:22:50.680

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: when you… Are in a room…

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Either with people that you don't know or know well, or people you haven't spent time with, or it's a party.

00:22:58.730 --> 00:23:03.709

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And you suddenly feel like your mood shifts.

00:23:04.490 --> 00:23:19.530

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: or you get suddenly tired. That is about energy. So always pay attention, and always know what your energetic capacity is. And then finally, financial boundaries.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: This is the big one. Many people find that they go over and above, or over and beyond, how much they wanted to spend during the holiday season, either traveling to get back and forth, to see family, or on gifts.

00:23:39.600 --> 00:23:45.989

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And so, this is the time right now, end of October, to set a budget.

00:23:46.900 --> 00:23:56.369

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Know how much you want to spend, or are able to spend, and really honor that for yourself.

00:23:56.570 --> 00:24:00.089

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Boundaries are as much about you

00:24:00.420 --> 00:24:06.249

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: As they are about the other person or persons that you're setting it for.

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Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, honor your own boundary, When you set a financial budget for your holiday spending.

00:24:16.510 --> 00:24:20.019

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Right? So that is really key, because

00:24:20.300 --> 00:24:26.759

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Every year in January, people have buyer's remorse or regret.

00:24:27.200 --> 00:24:29.390

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Based on how much they spent.

00:24:29.630 --> 00:24:38.440

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And… You want to give in a way that feels joyful, not regretful.

00:24:38.970 --> 00:24:40.719

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Right? So key.

00:24:40.850 --> 00:24:46.760

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So… When you think about the holiday pressures.

00:24:47.000 --> 00:24:57.779

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Many people think about the over-committing, family gatherings, gift-giving, events, people-pleasing, that can be draining on many levels.

00:24:58.340 --> 00:25:02.769

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: But you want to start asking yourself questions like.

00:25:03.320 --> 00:25:08.939

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Where am I saying yes to things that should be a no?

00:25:10.620 --> 00:25:13.959

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Where am I saying yes to things?

00:25:14.470 --> 00:25:18.129

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: That don't serve my peace.

00:25:18.250 --> 00:25:20.250

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: and my priorities.

00:25:21.030 --> 00:25:25.059

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Where am I saying yes to things

00:25:25.180 --> 00:25:28.700

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: That I just don't want to do.

00:25:30.010 --> 00:25:32.119

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And really examine that.

00:25:34.380 --> 00:25:50.270

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Create for yourself a non-negotiable seasons, list of things that you will do and you won't do. Your non-negotiables should be really clear.

00:25:50.850 --> 00:25:52.960

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: For you, where you're…

00:25:53.790 --> 00:26:03.469

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: You're invited to something that you have either no interest in, no desire to do, but…

00:26:04.130 --> 00:26:08.610

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: The person that invited you makes you go, hmm…

00:26:08.720 --> 00:26:16.340

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Maybe, right? Or certain activities, that really don't speak to you.

00:26:17.110 --> 00:26:20.860

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Know that it is in your right to say no.

00:26:21.690 --> 00:26:25.779

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And that no is a complete sentence.

00:26:26.150 --> 00:26:30.039

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Alright? If you want to put a period at the end of the no.

00:26:31.570 --> 00:26:39.480

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: For punctuation, then do so. But no, by itself, is a complete sentence.

00:26:40.150 --> 00:26:45.620

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: It is about self-respect, Not selfishness.

00:26:46.720 --> 00:26:47.570

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Right?

00:26:48.050 --> 00:26:50.529

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So really sit with that for a moment.

00:26:51.600 --> 00:26:54.550

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: For those of us who are,

00:26:56.950 --> 00:26:59.950

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: People pleasers. That's a hard one.

00:27:00.350 --> 00:27:01.670

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: to say no.

00:27:03.800 --> 00:27:12.029

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: But it is… A way for you to start saying yes, To your own needs.

00:27:12.190 --> 00:27:17.640

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: It is a way for you to respect your own needs.

00:27:17.770 --> 00:27:25.249

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And, I would venture to say it is a way for you to respect Your relationships in your life.

00:27:25.540 --> 00:27:34.360

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Because then, you are sharing with other people what it is that you need, or you want, or you desire.

00:27:35.360 --> 00:27:39.690

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So many… high achievers.

00:27:39.890 --> 00:27:42.500

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: and caretakers.

00:27:43.020 --> 00:27:48.380

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Entrepreneurs fall in this category, as well as women in particular.

00:27:48.680 --> 00:27:52.539

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Equate boundaries with guilt.

00:27:52.880 --> 00:27:59.890

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: That they're putting up walls and, or avoiding obligation, right?

00:28:00.330 --> 00:28:15.859

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, let's reframe that, right? Shifting your thoughts and language away from this idea that boundaries are rejection and restriction to boundaries being about

00:28:16.340 --> 00:28:20.200

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Preservation… preservation and purpose.

00:28:20.420 --> 00:28:36.879

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Right? Boundaries aren't stopping other people. They are about protecting your ability to sustain your energy, your gifts, your resources, as well as your connections with other people.

00:28:37.360 --> 00:28:43.990

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So instead of guilt, think about boundaries as an act of integrity.

00:28:44.540 --> 00:28:55.160

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Instead of walls, thinking of boundaries as a container that holds and protects the good things inside.

00:28:55.740 --> 00:29:07.669

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Instead of obligation, Think about boundaries, allowing you to make conscious choices about how you invest your resources.

00:29:08.340 --> 00:29:12.389

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: It is absolutely okay to say no.

00:29:12.720 --> 00:29:19.789

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: To decline invitations. To limit the time that you spend with people.

00:29:20.010 --> 00:29:25.649

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: To limit your time that you spend with emotionally draining people.

00:29:26.650 --> 00:29:30.240

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And to set spending limits in your life.

00:29:30.830 --> 00:29:33.750

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, practice this statement.

00:29:34.810 --> 00:29:38.220

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I'm not available for that.

00:29:38.590 --> 00:29:41.009

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And thank you for understanding.

00:29:43.810 --> 00:29:48.010

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I'm not available for that, and thank you for understanding.

00:29:48.760 --> 00:29:52.729

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Or it could be, I'm not available for that.

00:29:53.140 --> 00:29:55.700

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: But I am available for this.

00:29:56.070 --> 00:29:57.210

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Could this work?

00:29:58.560 --> 00:29:59.410

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Right?

00:30:02.120 --> 00:30:04.950

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I'm not available for that.

00:30:06.450 --> 00:30:08.820

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: It doesn't fit in my budget.

00:30:14.540 --> 00:30:16.990

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I'm not available for that.

00:30:17.110 --> 00:30:20.610

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: But let's schedule something later.

00:30:20.710 --> 00:30:22.100

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Just one-on-one.

00:30:22.870 --> 00:30:29.410

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Right? These are all ways that you can set a boundary, gently.

00:30:29.800 --> 00:30:34.120

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And still respect the relationship with the other person.

00:30:35.210 --> 00:30:46.330

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So every time you say no to something that feels misaligned for you, know that you are saying yes to your own well-being.

00:30:47.770 --> 00:31:02.890

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, we're going to take our next break, and when we come back, we're going to talk more about clarity and consistency in our communication with other people around boundaries. So, come on back.

00:32:37.070 --> 00:32:44.300

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Welcome back to the Expansion Room, where today we are talking about setting boundaries

00:32:44.420 --> 00:32:50.770

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: For the holiday season. And so, boundaries help you protect your peace.

00:32:51.480 --> 00:32:55.199

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: They also help to protect your relationships.

00:32:55.670 --> 00:33:05.879

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: We all have… Something in our family of origin that we can point to.

00:33:06.380 --> 00:33:09.620

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: That might be considered a trigger.

00:33:10.390 --> 00:33:19.570

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Or some line of thinking or behavior that runs through our families that make us take

00:33:19.720 --> 00:33:22.420

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: A little bit of a pause, right?

00:33:23.150 --> 00:33:24.430

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And…

00:33:25.400 --> 00:33:35.020

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: We don't always take into account the effect that those things have on us, especially when we only see our family members

00:33:35.300 --> 00:33:40.370

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: A certain amount of time per year, usually around the holidays.

00:33:40.650 --> 00:33:48.580

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: But old family dynamics… Unhealed wounds, unhealed trauma.

00:33:49.070 --> 00:34:05.420

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: People that test our boundaries, because we… we don't have strong boundaries, we have maybe set weak boundaries, or no boundaries at all, all of those things can make going home

00:34:05.930 --> 00:34:06.760

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: tricky.

00:34:07.290 --> 00:34:10.719

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Right? And let's face it, for some…

00:34:12.250 --> 00:34:18.129

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Unfortunately, have experienced abuse in their family of origin.

00:34:18.639 --> 00:34:26.350

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And so, here's where boundaries are going to be so important to set and maintain.

00:34:27.000 --> 00:34:30.980

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And… If those… any of those…

00:34:31.110 --> 00:34:50.180

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: are a struggle for you, I encourage you to talk to your therapist, or find a therapist that you can talk to, about those issues in your family, and how to set healthy boundaries in that

00:34:51.290 --> 00:34:53.200

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: that family dynamic.

00:34:54.199 --> 00:35:01.150

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Going to a therapist is a great way to work through those issues yourself.

00:35:01.330 --> 00:35:04.890

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And it allows you to have much…

00:35:05.030 --> 00:35:16.839

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Better mental, emotional, and spiritual, space and puberty around those issues when they come up, when you are triggered.

00:35:17.380 --> 00:35:25.780

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And so, it's… I always say it's best to be, proactive than reactive, and so…

00:35:26.210 --> 00:35:37.340

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Doing that work before you have to take a trip to see family is probably a really good way to go, and a wonderful way to take care of yourself.

00:35:38.290 --> 00:35:53.170

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Knowing what your triggers are is really key to having clarity and consistency in your communication with family members, and it could be some old friends, you never know.

00:35:53.200 --> 00:36:00.300

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So knowing your triggers and where to draw the line is key. Recognizing that

00:36:01.750 --> 00:36:13.830

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: For instance, if you're going to see family, you set the time limit on how long you're going to be there, whether it's… they're local, and you're going to be there

00:36:14.420 --> 00:36:28.020

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: 2 or 3 or 4 hours, or it's a trip that you have to take back home, so to speak. How many days you're going to stay is something that you want to communicate.

00:36:28.140 --> 00:36:33.590

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: It is important to state your expectations clearly.

00:36:33.590 --> 00:36:49.009

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: calmly, before any discord or conflict even arises. If you have family members that seem to always bring up discord when they're together, then you'll want to make sure that you

00:36:49.010 --> 00:36:54.660

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: make it clear, how long you're going to be around there.

00:36:54.660 --> 00:37:06.940

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: What you're willing to put up with and what you're not, and when things go left or go sideways, that you're going to step out and take care of yourself until…

00:37:06.990 --> 00:37:10.089

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: The situation resolves itself in the moment.

00:37:10.290 --> 00:37:16.169

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Sometimes saying things like,

00:37:16.730 --> 00:37:22.179

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: When you're… when you feel triggered, that you want to take a pause.

00:37:23.180 --> 00:37:26.629

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Alright, so that you can go outside and take a breath.

00:37:27.000 --> 00:37:35.140

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Or saying something like, I am not comfortable continuing this line of communication right now.

00:37:35.580 --> 00:37:37.370

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Let's change the subject.

00:37:37.960 --> 00:37:43.300

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Or if they're not willing to change the subject, then you leaving the conversation, right?

00:37:45.070 --> 00:37:56.160

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: these are all things that working with a therapist, psychotherapist, beforehand, they can help you do, right? We can…

00:37:57.680 --> 00:38:03.589

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Work with someone around, scenarios that might possibly happen.

00:38:03.760 --> 00:38:10.570

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And right now, we're in such a interesting time in our country.

00:38:10.850 --> 00:38:19.360

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: A lot of people have expressed, last year as well as this year, their hesitance

00:38:19.690 --> 00:38:26.009

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: To going home for the holidays because they know

00:38:26.040 --> 00:38:34.109

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So-and-so in their family is going to bring up the politics, or so-and-so is going to…

00:38:34.110 --> 00:38:47.570

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Discuss their religious views, or they're going to talk about some social issue that is starkly, different than their own.

00:38:47.730 --> 00:38:49.110

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And so…

00:38:49.660 --> 00:39:04.140

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: If in advance you're able to say that you're not going to participate in those kinds of conversations, that can give you more agency.

00:39:05.460 --> 00:39:11.169

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Give you more of the ability to feel empowered.

00:39:11.790 --> 00:39:13.749

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: To leave the room.

00:39:14.290 --> 00:39:20.960

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: If it starts, or if they don't choose to change the subject, right? And so…

00:39:21.620 --> 00:39:29.729

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: We sometimes feel like when we go back to family of origin, that we have no power.

00:39:30.060 --> 00:39:33.750

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: But you have to remember, you are now an adult.

00:39:34.450 --> 00:39:38.210

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And you have agency over your physical body.

00:39:38.660 --> 00:39:43.029

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And your own emotional and mental capacity.

00:39:43.200 --> 00:39:49.790

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And you can remove yourself from a situation, If you need to.

00:39:50.370 --> 00:39:52.080

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And you should.

00:39:52.440 --> 00:39:54.080

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: You have a right to.

00:39:54.830 --> 00:40:04.000

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And so… That is… part of communication, right? The consistency of

00:40:04.640 --> 00:40:13.730

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Saying what your boundary is, and then also communicating what you're not going to put up with.

00:40:13.880 --> 00:40:17.700

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: In that moment, by leaving the space.

00:40:18.620 --> 00:40:21.690

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: The other piece about communication is…

00:40:22.160 --> 00:40:35.080

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: If someone, family member, friend, co-workers, workspace, events happen around the holidays, if people are expecting you.

00:40:36.040 --> 00:40:48.200

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: To be somewhere, or at a certain time, how much time, you know, that you're going to spend with them, and you have not been clear yourself

00:40:48.670 --> 00:40:50.000

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: about…

00:40:50.650 --> 00:40:58.970

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Your time capacity, when you're going to get there, how much time you're able to spend doing the thing that…

00:40:59.070 --> 00:41:01.609

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: That they've invited you to doing.

00:41:02.150 --> 00:41:07.149

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: then your… seeding confusion.

00:41:07.940 --> 00:41:11.159

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And maybe even eroding trust.

00:41:11.680 --> 00:41:16.270

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: By not being clear or upfront, yourself.

00:41:16.460 --> 00:41:22.510

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And so, just a reminder that boundaries are a benefit

00:41:22.750 --> 00:41:34.550

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: for all involved. And so, if someone is expecting you at an event, or even to do something in particular at one of these holiday events.

00:41:34.550 --> 00:41:44.819

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Be clear about your ability, your capacity, how much time that you're able to spend in these spaces.

00:41:44.920 --> 00:41:51.049

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So that… disappointment is not being sowed, right? And then.

00:41:51.260 --> 00:42:00.529

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: trust is being eroded, right? So, being clear is really the key. Now, I come from New York City.

00:42:00.830 --> 00:42:02.090

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And…

00:42:02.970 --> 00:42:12.789

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: leaving New York and living in a couple of other places, I've learned that people are not as direct

00:42:13.100 --> 00:42:15.049

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: as us New Yorkers are.

00:42:15.750 --> 00:42:17.010

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And…

00:42:17.210 --> 00:42:34.520

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: if you're from the Midwest, or from the South, or even from parts of the West Coast, being direct and clear in your speech may not be, something that is so intuitive.

00:42:35.270 --> 00:42:42.330

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: But I truly believe it is a practice worth picking up.

00:42:43.200 --> 00:42:45.470

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: For your own mental health?

00:42:46.230 --> 00:42:49.960

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And for the health of the relationships in your life.

00:42:50.090 --> 00:42:55.150

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: That you become clear about your capacity around

00:42:55.600 --> 00:43:01.070

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: These kinds of events, especially around the holiday and expectations.

00:43:02.120 --> 00:43:06.860

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So… in advance.

00:43:06.990 --> 00:43:28.869

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: making sure you're clear about what you are and, not… what you are going to do and what you're not capable of doing. And in the moment, being able to reset your boundaries if somebody has tried to cross a boundary, even if it's mid-conversation, by being able to say.

00:43:29.010 --> 00:43:34.910

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Let's pause this conversation. I'm really not comfortable continuing it right now.

00:43:35.210 --> 00:43:42.729

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And letting that be. And hopefully the person that you're talking to honors that. If not, then you

00:43:42.910 --> 00:43:44.300

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: can walk away.

00:43:44.690 --> 00:43:54.999

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Right? So that's part of that ability to communicate your boundaries, that… with voice as well as with behavior.

00:43:55.440 --> 00:43:56.550

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So…

00:43:56.880 --> 00:44:15.799

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: We're about to take our last break, and when we come back, we will bring this all together, tie this all together into some, actionable ways of thinking about boundaries moving forward that hopefully help you to,

00:44:15.810 --> 00:44:20.659

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Set better boundaries and maintain them, as well as some, maybe.

00:44:20.850 --> 00:44:26.670

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: words that you can use in reference to setting boundaries. So, come on back.

00:46:00.930 --> 00:46:07.040

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Welcome back to the Expansion Room. I'm Siobhan, and today we have been talking about

00:46:07.300 --> 00:46:11.750

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Boundary setting for the holiday season.

00:46:11.950 --> 00:46:16.549

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And so, let's wrap it up a bit, right?

00:46:16.930 --> 00:46:21.600

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Knowing what your own limits

00:46:21.990 --> 00:46:30.530

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And priorities are, especially going into the holiday season, is going to be so key.

00:46:31.340 --> 00:46:41.260

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: This is the time that you start thinking about it. Before all the invitations and expectations Come at you.

00:46:41.380 --> 00:46:48.630

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: That you start to set some boundaries for yourself, and honor them.

00:46:48.760 --> 00:46:55.520

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Hold those boundaries, because it's about your own respect for your own time.

00:46:55.970 --> 00:47:01.069

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Finances, emotional well-being, all of those things, right?

00:47:01.500 --> 00:47:09.480

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, know that the boundaries that you set improve the health of your relationships.

00:47:09.670 --> 00:47:11.059

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: not harm them.

00:47:12.470 --> 00:47:17.559

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Know that the boundaries you set are as much for you

00:47:17.820 --> 00:47:20.709

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: As they are for the people in your lives.

00:47:21.970 --> 00:47:27.990

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Boundaries create safety, honesty, and authenticity in your relationships.

00:47:28.770 --> 00:47:37.170

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And please reframe… boundaries, right? They are not about rejection.

00:47:37.490 --> 00:47:43.950

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: But they are about healthy connection. They are part of your roadmaps.

00:47:44.760 --> 00:47:49.140

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: To more balanced and healthy relationships.

00:47:50.270 --> 00:47:58.780

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And… When you start thinking about these holiday season events, and…

00:47:58.910 --> 00:48:02.650

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Start thinking about your capacity.

00:48:02.890 --> 00:48:17.430

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I invite you to think about maybe doing a little bit of a mini ritual this year, where you sit down and write out your holiday peace promise to yourself.

00:48:18.770 --> 00:48:27.480

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Where you promise one to say 3 things, maybe 5, no more than 5, that you will

00:48:28.000 --> 00:48:32.560

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Maintain an honor for yourself through the rest of this year.

00:48:33.200 --> 00:48:39.039

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: whether that's… Financial, like you said, a boundary.

00:48:39.310 --> 00:48:46.900

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Or, in reference to time. Like, for me, I go home to see my family in New York for Thanksgiving.

00:48:47.370 --> 00:48:49.140

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Nearly every year.

00:48:49.380 --> 00:48:58.429

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: But I do not do that Tuesday and Wednesday travel, sit in traffic for 9 hours to go down to North Carolina? Absolutely not.

00:48:58.860 --> 00:49:08.499

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: My family knows that I have a boundary around that. I literally don't arrive until Thanksgiving morning. I get up.

00:49:08.610 --> 00:49:18.500

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Super early, I'm on the road by 5, and I'm at whichever person's house I'm supposed to be at, usually by 10 or 11 that morning.

00:49:18.880 --> 00:49:23.319

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: That's my boundary, and I don't do that Sunday drive back home

00:49:23.820 --> 00:49:34.020

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Because I… I just can't. I just cannot sit in traffic for, like, 9 hours when the trip is supposed to be 5. And so I usually leave on Saturday.

00:49:34.520 --> 00:49:39.810

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So that I can get back home at a decent hour, and have my buffer day.

00:49:40.800 --> 00:49:47.119

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, that's my boundary around time, as well as my energy.

00:49:47.500 --> 00:49:53.379

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And so, thinking about that when you put together this holiday peace promise to yourself.

00:49:53.730 --> 00:49:59.029

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: What are the boundaries that you need to put in place for yourself?

00:49:59.630 --> 00:50:02.280

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And what are they honoring?

00:50:03.320 --> 00:50:07.270

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Alright? And how do you want to then maintain them?

00:50:08.230 --> 00:50:11.150

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I also encourage you to set

00:50:11.440 --> 00:50:23.109

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: An intention for emotional self-care before every event, every activity, every gathering that you do.

00:50:23.530 --> 00:50:25.469

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: For this holiday season.

00:50:25.870 --> 00:50:33.469

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: There is a term that I love, so if you've ever followed Abraham or Abraham Hicks.

00:50:33.680 --> 00:50:47.360

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: There is this term called segment of intending that I love, because it's at every shift in whatever that you're about to engage in, or whatever you're about to do.

00:50:47.370 --> 00:50:54.040

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: You take a pause, you turn inward, and you set an intention for that moment.

00:50:54.800 --> 00:50:58.450

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Like, when you get up in the morning, this is gonna be a great day.

00:50:58.670 --> 00:51:12.030

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Before you answer the phone, you pause and you allow yourself to be in the present moment so that you can have a great conversation. Or, when you're engaging with coworkers, you pause

00:51:12.330 --> 00:51:29.399

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: for going into a meeting, so that you set your intention for the meeting. All these moments of segment intending. So you can do the same thing for all these gatherings that you're going to say yes to.

00:51:29.890 --> 00:51:40.210

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So that you're in the right space, you're in the present moment to enjoy and engage. So I encourage you to set intention around that.

00:51:40.880 --> 00:51:45.119

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Also, Using communication and languaging.

00:51:45.560 --> 00:51:54.840

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: If there is something that you get invited to that you don't want to do, or you don't have the capacity to do, you can say something like.

00:51:55.100 --> 00:52:00.109

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I want… To spend time with you.

00:52:00.410 --> 00:52:07.519

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: but I don't have the time to do this. How about we meet up and do this?

00:52:08.780 --> 00:52:09.650

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Right?

00:52:10.570 --> 00:52:18.800

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I don't want to do… This event, but could we do this thing?

00:52:19.330 --> 00:52:20.110

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Alright.

00:52:21.390 --> 00:52:25.019

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I want to enjoy our time together.

00:52:25.480 --> 00:52:31.000

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Can we agree not to talk about politics this year?

00:52:31.710 --> 00:52:34.680

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Or whatever the topic is that seems to

00:52:35.010 --> 00:52:38.000

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Sow discord in the space.

00:52:39.360 --> 00:52:40.910

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Communication.

00:52:42.260 --> 00:52:46.740

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Also, communicating Your other boundaries that you've set.

00:52:47.280 --> 00:52:50.249

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: If they need to be communicated in the space.

00:52:50.900 --> 00:52:58.689

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Setting good, healthy boundaries is about mutual respect and emotional maturity, so always remember that.

00:53:01.120 --> 00:53:07.329

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: some key takeaways that I would love you to kind of have echoing in your mind.

00:53:08.340 --> 00:53:11.680

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Boundaries equal self-care.

00:53:11.840 --> 00:53:13.760

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Not selfishness.

00:53:14.340 --> 00:53:19.810

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Protecting your energy is an act of love, not guilt.

00:53:20.790 --> 00:53:26.010

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Learn how to say no, And honor your yes.

00:53:26.370 --> 00:53:28.140

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: this holiday season.

00:53:30.560 --> 00:53:44.240

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Clarity creates peace, so communicate your limits with compassion and consistency so that you can enjoy the holidays without burnout, resentment, or guilt.

00:53:45.020 --> 00:54:02.199

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And healthy boundaries strengthen connection with other people. So discover how honoring your needs actually deepens trust with other people, authenticity, and emotional well-being.

00:54:05.240 --> 00:54:07.410

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Boundaries are not barriers.

00:54:07.780 --> 00:54:16.010

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: That's the big message. They are bridges to more of a peaceful, empowering version of yourself.

00:54:16.680 --> 00:54:21.629

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So as we enter this holiday season, starting this week, in my mind at least.

00:54:21.750 --> 00:54:26.220

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: May you remember that saying no

00:54:26.510 --> 00:54:29.890

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Is a sacred act of self-love.

00:54:30.020 --> 00:54:38.279

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: and honoring your limits. It allows you to show up more authentically with the people in your life.

00:54:39.020 --> 00:54:42.849

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And experiences that truly matter to you.

00:54:43.490 --> 00:54:45.290

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, I am Siobhan Larisse.

00:54:45.510 --> 00:54:47.880

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: This is the expansion room.

00:54:48.260 --> 00:54:58.079

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And I hope that something resonated for you in this episode, and if it did, please share it with someone else you love in your life.

00:54:59.090 --> 00:55:06.679

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: I also encourage you to like and subscribe on whatever platform that you listen or watch.

00:55:07.020 --> 00:55:08.190

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: And…

00:55:08.330 --> 00:55:18.569

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: Check out the show notes. There's a link there for our online community, also called the Expansion Room, that we just opened up last month.

00:55:18.850 --> 00:55:32.339

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: We're building it out, and so we'd love you to join. It is where deeper conversations can happen, and tools to help you rise from the inside out.

00:55:32.510 --> 00:55:35.780

Shervon Laurice | The Expansion Room: So, until next time… Be well.

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