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EPISODE SUMMARY:
Imagine doing everything “right” — and still feeling like it’s not enough. This episode of The Hard Skills isn’t just about burnout or ambition — we’re exposing the invisible blocks that sabotage even the most successful women — and the real shifts that unlock creative power, self-trust, and meaningful momentum. If you’ve ever felt overqualified but undervalued, this one will hit home.
You’ve got the title, the accolades, the resume. So why does it still feel like something’s missing? This isn’t imposter syndrome. It’s the result of trying to lead from a leadership and achievement model that was never built with you in mind. In this episode of The Hard Skills, we go beneath the surface of traditional success with former military officer and federal executive turned woman-centered leadership coach, Tina Parker — someone who led 70 all-male drill sergeants through the biggest training overhaul in Air Force history while navigating cancer, loss, motherhood, and reinvention. If you’ve ever been told to “just go for it” and wondered why that doesn’t work for you, Tina’s story — and her insights — will connect the dots.
You’ll learn:
- Why traditional success strategies leave women stuck or burned out
- The deeper reasons women undervalue their lived experience — and how to change it
- A practical path to move from reactive, hustle-based leadership to creative, aligned action
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ABOUT OUR GUEST:
Tina Parker is a Visionary Leadership Coach and TEDx Speaker bringing a heart-centered, science-backed approach to leadership and personal transformation. With nearly 25 years of experience as a military officer, C-level executive, and business owner, Tina understands the high stakes of leadership—and the toll it can take on our wellbeing. Her own transformative journey followed profound life challenges—including the loss of a child, a cancer diagnosis, and a divorce—prompting her to find a new way to lead holistically. More than two decades as a trusted advisor to hundreds of leaders and years of study earning certifications in Brain Health, Transformational Mindset, Conscious Leadership Facilitation, and Woman-Centered Coaching, led her to develop her coaching company Lead Outside the Lines: guiding visionary women to step into their Authentic Power, so they can live, lead, and love with clarity, courage, and confidence.
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***
LINKS:
www.gotowerscope.com
https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/the-hard-skills-dr-mira-brancu-m0QzwsFiBGE/
https://leadoutsidethelines.com/
https://leadoutsidethelines.com/vwa
https://www.linkedin.com/in/tpsunshine/
FREE EBOOK: The 10 Key Shifts Visionary Women Must Make To Step Into Their Authentic Power—Without Apology: https://leadoutsidethelines.com/10keysebook
#LeadOutsidetheLines #VisionaryWomen #UnlearnSuccess #HighAchievingWomen #RewriteTheRules
Tune in for this empowering conversation at TalkRadio.nyc
On this episode of The Hard Skills, Dr. Mira Brancu speaks with visionary leadership coach and TEDx speaker Tina Parker, whose journey spans from college cheerleader to leading 70 all-male military instructors through the largest Air Force training overhaul in decades. Together, they explore why traditional success strategies often fail high-achieving women and how breaking out of rigid expectations enables more authentic, sustainable leadership. Tina shares powerful lessons about cultivating self-leadership, earning trust in skeptical environments, and resourcing oneself to lead with clarity and courage through volatility and change
Tina Parker shared how a series of profound personal crises—including losing a child, a cancer diagnosis, and divorce—all while maintaining demanding leadership roles, forced her to question the definition of success and finally prioritize her own well-being. She described how high-achieving women often internalize cultural messages to over-function, sacrifice their needs, and believe they must carry everything alone, until burnout or crisis forces a reckoning. Through years of research and deep reflection, Tina discovered that pausing to reconnect with your core values, challenging conditioned beliefs, and seeking authentic support are essential to building a sustainable, fulfilling life and leadership approach.
Tina Parker explained how high-achieving women often get stuck in a downward spiral of reactivity—overextending themselves, ignoring their own needs, and feeling perpetually inadequate—because of social conditioning around achievement, leadership, and gender. She emphasized the importance of pausing to reconnect with your own values, discerning what’s truly yours versus learned expectations, and choosing micro-moments to reclaim agency, even in challenging environments. Tina underscored that we grow in the direction of the questions we ask ourselves, so reframing self-defeating thoughts into curiosity and possibility is a powerful way to shift into an upward spiral of more authentic, sustainable leadership.
Tina Parker explained that her ten principles, inspired by women-centered coaching and the concept of “feminine power,” help high-achieving women move beyond linear, achievement-only models of success to tap into creativity, connection, and a deeper sense of purpose. She emphasized that true transformation begins when women trust themselves, honor their intuition, and recognize that thriving leadership is never a solo endeavor but is built in community and through mutual reflection. Tina closed by encouraging leaders to pause, question inherited expectations, and take micro-actions that shift them from reactivity to creativity—because sustainable success comes from aligning with who you really are, not just what you produce.
00:00:43.700 --> 00:01:01.499 Mira Brancu: Welcome. Welcome back to the hard skills show where we take a deep dive into the most challenging soft skills required to navigate leadership, uncertainty, complexities and change today and into the future. I'm your host, Dr. Mira Branku, psychologist, leadership, consultant and founder of Towerscope.
00:01:01.900 --> 00:01:06.720 Mira Brancu: Now, why do so many high achieving. Women feel like they have
00:01:07.090 --> 00:01:10.149 Mira Brancu: checked all the right boxes of conventional success.
00:01:10.550 --> 00:01:15.500 Mira Brancu: felt like they've done all the things and still feel like something's missing or never enough.
00:01:16.090 --> 00:01:21.019 Mira Brancu: Today we are going to talk about why traditional success strategies often fail women.
00:01:21.340 --> 00:01:25.900 Mira Brancu: What most leadership and coaching approaches miss for high achieving women
00:01:26.120 --> 00:01:30.099 Mira Brancu: and how to break free of the cycle of constant reactivity.
00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:39.730 Mira Brancu: And I think it's a great fit for this season's focus on endurance in leadership because it is about the big picture and the long run.
00:01:39.930 --> 00:01:52.879 Mira Brancu: And regardless of whether you're a leading leader managing a team, simply trying to support your colleagues at the top of the organization or mid level. This conversation is for you.
00:01:53.190 --> 00:02:02.139 Mira Brancu: So let me introduce our guest today. Tina Parker. Tina Parker is a visionary leadership coach and Tedx speaker.
00:02:02.340 --> 00:02:06.380 Mira Brancu: She went from cheerleading to the military.
00:02:06.790 --> 00:02:18.809 Mira Brancu: leading a team of 70, all male drill sergeants through the largest training overhaul in Air Force history, affecting more than a half 1 million airmen over the course of 15 years.
00:02:19.090 --> 00:02:23.270 Mira Brancu: which, of course, became the subject of her Tedx talk. You should listen to it.
00:02:23.550 --> 00:02:27.719 Mira Brancu: She has 25 years of experience as a military officer.
00:02:27.910 --> 00:02:31.839 Mira Brancu: a C-level executive, and a business owner.
00:02:32.060 --> 00:02:50.850 Mira Brancu: and her transformative journey also included the loss of a child, a cancer diagnosis and a divorce that led her develop her coaching company, lead outside the lines which is guiding visionary women to step into their authentic power, so they can live, lead, and love with clarity, courage, and confidence.
00:02:51.060 --> 00:03:02.530 Mira Brancu: She holds a master's in leadership and management and multiple certifications on top of her military experience and her leadership career, including conscious leadership and women-centered coaching.
00:03:02.870 --> 00:03:05.560 Mira Brancu: so welcome and great to have you on the show. Tina.
00:03:05.960 --> 00:03:13.140 Tina Parker: Thank you, Dr. Mayor. It's so good to be here with you, and I so appreciate the invite and the work that you're bringing into the world.
00:03:13.640 --> 00:03:16.390 Mira Brancu: Absolutely. And, Tina, you are a
00:03:16.580 --> 00:03:24.189 Mira Brancu: badass superstar. I'm so excited to have you here. You and I met. Do you remember how you how we met.
00:03:24.590 --> 00:03:44.739 Tina Parker: Oh, yes, during Marshall Goldsmith's inaugural forefront group for rising coaches. And just the people like you that were connected in that community. It's incredible the impact that all of us are making so so excited to be connected with you in that way and beyond. Because that was 3 years ago.
00:03:44.740 --> 00:04:14.740 Mira Brancu: That's right. That was the. As you said, the inaugural program is the first, st you know, attempt at it. They did an amazing job curating people from all backgrounds and experiences, and I feel like every single person was amazing. And I grew from each person in the cohort. And it's still going strong. You know that 3 years later it's still going strong. So that's how we connected.
00:04:14.980 --> 00:04:15.700 Mira Brancu: Now.
00:04:16.469 --> 00:04:25.199 Mira Brancu: Let's start with like going backwards now in your in your sort of career. You are a former
00:04:25.310 --> 00:04:27.090 Mira Brancu: college cheerleader.
00:04:27.250 --> 00:04:45.279 Mira Brancu: and you are a self, proclaimed feminine woman who traded pom-poms for combat boots which I just love that that comment, and you also served as a military officer and Federal Government executive. Now I find all of this very interesting.
00:04:45.760 --> 00:05:04.150 Mira Brancu: How did this happen, and I will say you're still a cheerleader in my eyes. But you are also really tough, and I just find that so interesting. How you've sort of merged and combined those different parts of you. But I'm curious like, let let us into the journey. How did this happen?
00:05:04.390 --> 00:05:24.339 Tina Parker: Oh, goodness! Sure! Well, I will say military was not on my radar as an option for my career. I grew up in the military. My dad served both my grandfathers, all my uncles and halfway through college yes, I was a college cheerleader, and we were national champions like it was a big deal like it was. All systems go
00:05:24.340 --> 00:05:39.309 Tina Parker: in cheerleading, and I just got this notion that what am I going to do with the rest of my life I don't know, and I happened to walk by the Reserve Officer Training Corps Building, which is where the military gets their training for officership
00:05:39.360 --> 00:05:44.919 Tina Parker: and commissioning, and I walked in just on a whim, and there happened to be a female.
00:05:45.330 --> 00:05:45.680 Mira Brancu: There's.
00:05:45.680 --> 00:05:46.210 Tina Parker: Sitting there.
00:05:46.210 --> 00:05:46.760 Mira Brancu: Oh!
00:05:46.760 --> 00:06:12.170 Tina Parker: And she was in her. She had makeup on. Her hair was up, she looked super professional in her uniform, and I went. Oh, that's a little different. So we talked and she said, You know what? Come in and see what you think. It's management and leadership. Because I was. I got to skip the 1st 2 years. So go straight into the 3rd year she goes. Just see what you think. And I loved it because it challenged me in ways that I wouldn't have challenged myself, probably left to my own devices.
00:06:12.821 --> 00:06:23.249 Tina Parker: And it gave me opportunities to expand in leadership roles that I probably would not have had the opportunity to step into in any other capacity.
00:06:23.550 --> 00:06:32.490 Tina Parker: And so it was really fascinating for me to be on Tuesdays and Thursdays in college. I'm in military uniform, and on Saturdays I'm in cheerleading uniform.
00:06:32.840 --> 00:06:45.319 Tina Parker: People are like, I don't understand what's happening here. What is this? And I loved it because I was like, I don't need to be put in a box. I can be both right. There's no reason that one can't be the other.
00:06:45.630 --> 00:06:46.760 Tina Parker: So that's right.
00:06:46.760 --> 00:06:56.069 Mira Brancu: Yeah. And I will say there is a connection that I see that most people don't know about cheerleaders, which is, they are intense performers.
00:06:56.350 --> 00:06:56.760 Tina Parker: Yes.
00:06:56.760 --> 00:06:57.740 Mira Brancu: Right.
00:06:57.790 --> 00:07:01.090 Tina Parker: High achieving high performance, very intense.
00:07:01.320 --> 00:07:12.620 Mira Brancu: Yeah, I mean to be able to do. Those kind of acrobatics requires an incredible discipline and strength.
00:07:13.050 --> 00:07:21.077 Mira Brancu: That to me is obvious that you can translate into lots of other intense performance and
00:07:21.790 --> 00:07:29.100 Mira Brancu: like physical, intense, intensive jobs.
00:07:29.270 --> 00:07:37.599 Mira Brancu: And that includes the military. So that that part makes sense to me, you know, even though, like the feminine piece, probably doesn't like connect for most people in their minds.
00:07:38.160 --> 00:07:47.379 Tina Parker: Yeah, I will agree with you is that there was so much like being a cheerleader being in time and in step with the team. What do you do when you're drilling.
00:07:47.380 --> 00:07:47.710 Mira Brancu: No.
00:07:47.710 --> 00:08:10.480 Tina Parker: As a military person. You're in step. You're in lockstep. You're in time, right? So there's so many similarities that you're right. Most people, miss, because we're just looking at the surface. We're just looking at. The conditioned expectation of a military woman is very rigid and strict, and then a military or a cheerleader is very bubbly and happy, and whatever right you can be both
00:08:10.650 --> 00:08:25.920 Tina Parker: right breaking out of these paradigms, and that's sort of where lead outside the lines came from was, We get to lead? However, it feels most authentic and appropriate for us not having to fit ourselves in these boxes that were never really built for us. In the 1st place.
00:08:26.400 --> 00:08:30.109 Mira Brancu: Yeah. Yeah. So tell me, what did you learn about leadership?
00:08:30.739 --> 00:08:38.549 Mira Brancu: In your cheerleading life, and then in your military life and in Federal Government as an Executive.
00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:46.929 Tina Parker: Oh, man, so much. And I mean being in the military itself. You are in leadership programs all the time.
00:08:47.119 --> 00:08:53.679 Tina Parker: right? But 2 things that I think specifically that I took away from all of that is one.
00:08:53.729 --> 00:09:21.159 Tina Parker: Just authenticity is the key, because how we show up with bringing our genius gifts to the table even. And especially if you feel like you're an environment that you're kind of like a fish out of water. You're like, I don't really fit in here. So how do I bring myself my full gifts to the table, and not conform, not feel like I have to conform to these external expectations or these conditioned ways of being
00:09:21.219 --> 00:09:46.939 Tina Parker: right. And so that was, that was hard for me at 1st I would think to myself, I don't have what it takes to do this job, or why would they be looking at me to like you said, Come in and lead a team of 70, all male drill sergeants. We call them military training instructors, so I don't want my Air Force listeners to be like Wait a minute. But so there are military training instructors at Boot Camp of all places.
00:09:47.379 --> 00:10:05.299 Tina Parker: And I just thought, Wait, I don't have the expertise to do this job. I don't look like them. I don't act like them. How in the world am I going to come in there and gain credibility and respect with these men? And they're going to look at me like I'm a college cheerleader.
00:10:05.489 --> 00:10:12.749 Tina Parker: right? And so I will share that. When I asked my commander, I said, Thank you for choosing me, and
00:10:12.869 --> 00:10:35.539 Tina Parker: can you share with me? Why you're doing that because I don't get it right. And she said she was like, specifically because I thought differently. I saw things differently. I came at things from a different perspective, and this was shortly after 9 11. So we were in a point where the world was changing very quickly. We weren't sure what to expect.
00:10:35.539 --> 00:10:53.549 Tina Parker: and we had to now train our airmen to operate in those kinds of very uncertain and volatile environments right? So there was no longer this cookie cutter linear strategy. It was like, How do you show up and think? Different? So from that perspective, it made sense.
00:10:53.769 --> 00:11:01.729 Tina Parker: And one of the other things keys that I'll bring up, too, about what I learned from that experience was the self leadership.
00:11:02.219 --> 00:11:21.319 Tina Parker: because we're taught how to lead others right how to show up for other people, and even with my Master's degree being in leadership, that was all that was really focused on was leading other people. But one thing that I found in my career that I felt was missing was, how do I resource myself
00:11:21.369 --> 00:11:37.199 Tina Parker: so that I can lead from a place of being grounded, being present, not feeling like I'm spinning around all the time, right? So that I can lead others better, because I mean, even as women like. We're already wired and conditioned to focus on others, anyway.
00:11:37.299 --> 00:11:41.109 Tina Parker: So how could I resource myself to be
00:11:41.339 --> 00:11:51.379 Tina Parker: a better resource for others? So that was a piece that I really I really am pulled into and and started to do the research on and figure out, what does that look like?
00:11:51.720 --> 00:11:58.429 Mira Brancu: Amazing, and given the fact that you were the only woman.
00:11:59.010 --> 00:12:06.640 Mira Brancu: And on top of that, put in a leadership role, I suspect that you were
00:12:06.760 --> 00:12:14.829 Mira Brancu: questioned a lot and people wondered whether you were in the right role. And
00:12:14.980 --> 00:12:19.049 Mira Brancu: I connect connecting that to like self leadership.
00:12:19.470 --> 00:12:27.410 Mira Brancu: What did it take for you to stay grounded and manage
00:12:28.343 --> 00:12:34.279 Mira Brancu: people questioning you, but you, continuing to stay focused on your role and mission
00:12:34.380 --> 00:12:37.210 Mira Brancu: without it throwing you off so much that it
00:12:37.530 --> 00:12:46.309 Mira Brancu: sort of threw you off of your leadership game, or did it throw you off your leadership game? But then you sort of like learned some ways to get back on.
00:12:47.180 --> 00:13:06.840 Tina Parker: That's a very good distinction. And I'm glad you said that because it did throw me off. I came in thinking at first, st like, okay, I'm going to borrow the confidence that my commander clearly sees in me which I do not feel in this moment. Right? I was 28 years old I didn't know what from what at that time, right?
00:13:06.840 --> 00:13:20.859 Tina Parker: So, coming in, I initially did sort of defer to them like, Hey? And I was humble about it like I don't know what you know. Teach me. I'm here. We can do this together right. And at 1st they weren't sure if they could trust me?
00:13:21.200 --> 00:13:49.419 Tina Parker: One because I wasn't like them 2. I was sent in from upper leadership, and they're like, Are you really here for us? Are you kind of here to like police. What's going on like, what? What is this? Right? And so there was that time of transition that happens in any stepping into a new role, but especially in this environment, there was some of that that I had to overcome, and what I will share is that it went South before it went north.
00:13:49.420 --> 00:13:50.070 Mira Brancu: Hmm.
00:13:50.330 --> 00:14:06.140 Tina Parker: Because I just kind of took for granted that they were telling me what I needed to know. Instead of digging deeper and not realizing that they didn't fully trust me. And so there came a time when we were about to launch this new prototype of the training.
00:14:06.350 --> 00:14:24.030 Tina Parker: and thankfully one of my my number 2 person. He was new. He came into the group a little bit later, and he was like, ma'am, I think there's something you need to see, and he trusted me to walk me through the entire thing. And I was like, this is not going to work. He goes. Yeah, it's not.
00:14:24.380 --> 00:14:32.370 Tina Parker: He goes. If we launch this, it's not going to work. So I got to go to my commanding officer and say, we can't launch this.
00:14:32.620 --> 00:14:34.140 Tina Parker: I need more time.
00:14:34.270 --> 00:14:45.399 Tina Parker: and I got the riot act for it. It's like, what are you doing down there at first, st right? But then it was like, Well, here's what's happening. And it was another woman. And she understood. She was like, Okay, I'm gonna give you more time.
00:14:45.410 --> 00:15:07.009 Tina Parker: When we came back to the group, my superintendent and I together met with the team, and we said, Look, if you do not trust us and each other enough to be a part of what needs to happen here, so that our airmen have what they need to succeed. No harm, no foul. You can find another team to be on no problem. But we need people who are all in.
00:15:07.140 --> 00:15:19.519 Tina Parker: and we need people who are willing to think outside the box, who are willing to put themselves in a place of vulnerability and being uncomfortable to ask, What do we need that we don't currently have? And how do we make it happen?
00:15:19.740 --> 00:15:31.499 Tina Parker: And they were like, wait. You went to bat for us to get us more time. I said, Yeah, because I believe in what we're doing here. And I trust you. But if you don't trust me, that's okay. And they were like, No.
00:15:31.620 --> 00:15:32.600 Tina Parker: we're all in.
00:15:33.280 --> 00:15:34.419 Tina Parker: And so
00:15:34.520 --> 00:15:52.310 Tina Parker: yeah. So sometimes you go through the trench right before you get to a place where there is some commonality, and, like you said, we were able to create this new way of training the airmen that they that lasted for about 15 years in the Air Force. Now the world changes, so of course they have to change along with it. But
00:15:52.430 --> 00:15:56.150 Tina Parker: you know it, it really was coming to the table, and being honest
00:15:56.390 --> 00:16:03.419 Tina Parker: and trusting myself and having someone else trust me. Enough that together we could go in together.
00:16:03.690 --> 00:16:28.239 Mira Brancu: Yeah, yeah, what an inspirational story. So we are nearing an ad break. You're listening to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mirabranku and our guest today, Tina Parker. We air on Tuesdays at 5 pm. Eastern at that time. If you're actually watching right now, you can live, stream us through Linkedin Youtube twitch several other locations@talkradio.nyc. And we will be right back with our guest in just a moment.
00:18:10.320 --> 00:18:31.529 Mira Brancu: Welcome back to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Branku and our guest today, Tina Parker. So, Tina, before we get into some of the frameworks that you have when you work with women. I would love to also pull in a little bit of something else that we talked about when I was introducing yourself.
00:18:31.950 --> 00:18:48.610 Mira Brancu: because I think it had probably a pretty critical impact on how you came to do the the work that you do now, in addition to what we just talked about with all of your leadership experiences, you also experienced the loss of a child.
00:18:48.860 --> 00:18:52.940 Mira Brancu: a cancer diagnosis and a divorce all
00:18:53.530 --> 00:19:05.000 Mira Brancu: within 4 years, if I understand, while also managing a civilian and military role, and earning your master's degree and growing a business. This I mean, just like one to 2 of those is enough.
00:19:05.140 --> 00:19:08.709 Mira Brancu: I have no idea how you got through that. But
00:19:09.311 --> 00:19:11.769 Mira Brancu: I would love to hear kind of
00:19:11.930 --> 00:19:15.609 Mira Brancu: you know when you finally.
00:19:15.830 --> 00:19:19.499 Mira Brancu: you know, started coming out of that time period.
00:19:20.190 --> 00:19:26.389 Mira Brancu: What what perspective changed for you?
00:19:26.670 --> 00:19:30.869 Mira Brancu: And what did that mean for where you were going next?
00:19:32.250 --> 00:19:39.040 Tina Parker: Yeah. Those 4 years were very difficult, obviously.
00:19:39.540 --> 00:19:40.710 Tina Parker: And
00:19:40.960 --> 00:19:56.200 Tina Parker: I think one of the things that really shifted for me is so it happened in secession. I lost my 1st pregnancy after fighting through the flu and going to work and pushing through. Now things happen right. I don't blame myself for that. But
00:19:56.420 --> 00:20:19.700 Tina Parker: that's what happens sometimes when we feel like I have to show up. Nobody else can do what I can do. I have to be there, and we put this pressure on ourselves right then I had my daughter, and 6 months after giving birth to her cancer diagnosis, and they literally said, they're like, this is one type of cancer we don't normally find until it is too late, and it has metastasized.
00:20:20.390 --> 00:20:40.230 Tina Parker: And I almost did not go for the screening that found it because I had work to do, and I'd already missed so much work from being out with being sick. And all this stuff. And so the stories that we tell ourselves about what we're expected to do and what's going to happen if I don't show up for other people right, almost kept me from going to have this diagnosis done.
00:20:40.490 --> 00:20:41.080 Mira Brancu: Wow!
00:20:41.080 --> 00:20:58.530 Tina Parker: And I can't even imagine, because they said you'd be dead in 10 years if you didn't come in and find this. And that's a huge wake up. Call right to go. What am I doing like at work? I'm smiling, and I'm the go to, and everybody's like, go to Tina. She'll figure out blah blah, and I always show up.
00:20:59.130 --> 00:21:01.630 Tina Parker: But I was not showing up for myself.
00:21:02.000 --> 00:21:25.380 Tina Parker: I wasn't even fully showing up in my marriage, because I just had this notion that I have to keep it all together. It's all on me, right. We are building a business together. Just had a kid lost a kid like there's a lot happening in this marriage. And it got to the point where I literally, when we filed for divorce, I drove to work.
00:21:25.540 --> 00:21:35.630 Tina Parker: and I sat in the parking lot, and I just stared at the building like I just felt so heavy in my seat and weighted down by all of it.
00:21:36.180 --> 00:21:41.480 Tina Parker: And I just thought to myself, I was like, What is success
00:21:41.880 --> 00:21:51.069 Tina Parker: without myself like this just doesn't feel like success at all. I did all the things I thought I was supposed to do. I checked all the boxes. I did all this stuff.
00:21:51.380 --> 00:21:55.090 Tina Parker: But this is not the life that I want to be living.
00:21:55.340 --> 00:22:13.159 Tina Parker: And I really just thought, how did I get here? And I just started peeling it back and going? Well, I didn't connect to what I truly needed, what I wanted, what I, what my actual core values were because I was so focused on just doing for everybody else.
00:22:13.870 --> 00:22:23.909 Tina Parker: And that was a hard lesson because I sat there, and I said, I am not willing to say to myself that I can either be successful in professionally
00:22:24.000 --> 00:22:44.340 Tina Parker: or personally like this whole, either or concept was not working for me. I was like, No, I want to find there's got to be a way. I see other people who look like they have it all together. Okay, spoiler alert. Nobody really does. So let's just lay that out there. Right? Things look a certain way on the outside. But we all have these
00:22:44.390 --> 00:22:57.970 Tina Parker: patterns of how we were conditioned growing up, what we think we're supposed to be doing what we think we're supposed to show up as even if deep inside we're like that does not feel aligned and congruent with me
00:22:58.130 --> 00:23:13.400 Tina Parker: right consistently showing up in ways that are not aligned and congruent with us, not tuning into ourselves first, st before we tune into what other people need. These are things that really can send us down the wrong path. And
00:23:13.550 --> 00:23:29.559 Tina Parker: I just made the decision. I'm going to figure out how to change that path. And so I spent about a decade honestly researching and learning from gurus and brain health and women centered coaching and conscious leadership and neuroencoding. And you name it? I probably did it just to go.
00:23:29.700 --> 00:23:32.770 Tina Parker: What's this? What's the story here? What's the secret sauce.
00:23:33.360 --> 00:23:35.219 Mira Brancu: Yeah, and what have you concluded.
00:23:36.100 --> 00:23:42.549 Tina Parker: Yeah. So the secret sauce really is that pausing long enough
00:23:42.900 --> 00:23:46.560 Tina Parker: to tune in to ourselves and question.
00:23:46.810 --> 00:23:49.930 Tina Parker: go, is that really who I am
00:23:50.190 --> 00:23:56.249 Tina Parker: am I showing up in my full capacity, aligned with who I am, and how I am in the world?
00:23:56.520 --> 00:24:11.290 Tina Parker: Or am I trying to fit into the expectations of other people. Am I so afraid of what might happen if I take my foot off the gas like? Who I'll let down all of these stories that we tell ourselves, especially as women
00:24:11.420 --> 00:24:28.589 Tina Parker: like. There's a there are 21 patterns. So you know, I'm certified in woman-centered coaching right? And Dr. Claire Zammet. She has done 25 years of study across the world with women at the doctoral level, and has. She's coached over a hundred 1,000 women.
00:24:28.740 --> 00:24:34.659 Tina Parker: and there are 21 patterns that limit us that consistently come up across all of them.
00:24:34.910 --> 00:24:46.319 Tina Parker: and I will be honest. I couldn't really even see it myself until she was able to show me like, because we're so it's like we are the fish in the water going? Where's the water? You're sitting at it
00:24:46.490 --> 00:24:55.360 Tina Parker: right? And so one of the patterns I will share, because I think a lot of. And I know a lot of women. It's 1 of the top. 3 deal with that I couldn't see is the I'm alone
00:24:55.640 --> 00:24:56.460 Tina Parker: pattern.
00:24:57.050 --> 00:25:02.890 Tina Parker: And I was like, I'm not alone. I'm surrounded by people. But the reality was, I felt like I had to take it all on myself.
00:25:03.100 --> 00:25:14.799 Tina Parker: I was over giving over, committing over functioning, not wanting to let people down, not wanting to say, well, I don't. I can't do that right, and not tuning in to what I needed. I just said, Yep, yep, and I took it all on
00:25:15.040 --> 00:25:22.010 Tina Parker: right feeling like I had to do it alone, and that I was somehow seen as weak if I asked for support.
00:25:22.410 --> 00:25:26.260 Tina Parker: And what I have realized is that is a hundred 80 degrees
00:25:27.120 --> 00:25:47.239 Tina Parker: opposite of what actually happens is especially for high achieving women women in general. But we thrive in community and we thrive when we're able to say, Oh, I've been through something similar as well, or I see myself in your story right? And we don't feel like we're isolated
00:25:47.600 --> 00:25:54.540 Tina Parker: because the 3 things that shut us down the most are the shame-based meanings we make about ourselves
00:25:54.740 --> 00:26:02.729 Tina Parker: when things go wrong. I'm wrong. Something's wrong with me. I'm not enough. Rather than this thing happened. I can figure out a way to to get beyond that
00:26:02.890 --> 00:26:09.640 Tina Parker: right or lack of. There's not enough. I don't want to take from other people, because there's not enough. So I'll just not take
00:26:09.830 --> 00:26:19.809 Tina Parker: right. No, we get to create a bigger pie. We get to all throw our ingredients in the bowl and mix it up and create something bigger. We don't just get have to take this little sliver of what's left.
00:26:20.470 --> 00:26:33.080 Tina Parker: And then the isolation just exacerbates all of that. So when we can be in community and rely on each other, our resources expand externally, and we're able to better resource ourselves internally.
00:26:33.500 --> 00:26:43.239 Mira Brancu: Yeah, yeah, all of those resonate. And you know, for for those listeners out there, who are probably thinking.
00:26:45.020 --> 00:26:49.610 Mira Brancu: you know, about like, yeah. But you know that I
00:26:51.120 --> 00:27:01.171 Mira Brancu: If I don't do those things I'll receive backlash right. If I don't do those things I will be judged negatively. You're not wrong about that in that.
00:27:02.040 --> 00:27:10.450 Mira Brancu: the the these you mentioned it earlier on Tina, that these are conditioned.
00:27:10.830 --> 00:27:17.410 Mira Brancu: learned, and what you're sort of sharing is. This is how you unlearn unhealthy
00:27:17.610 --> 00:27:26.459 Mira Brancu: messages that we learn over time and then internalize as if they're our own messages, right? Like the things we tell ourselves
00:27:26.780 --> 00:27:39.739 Mira Brancu: are technically not our messages. We just took it from society and incorporated and assumed that, like, it's actually who I am. And it's not at all right.
00:27:39.960 --> 00:27:45.212 Tina Parker: Right, absolutely, absolutely. In fact, as so, my daughter was having some
00:27:46.160 --> 00:27:55.189 Tina Parker: I will say impulse issues when she was 6, and we took her to have her brain scanned instead of throwing medicine and stuff on it so we could see what was happening.
00:27:55.190 --> 00:28:19.390 Tina Parker: And I will say that was the start of my journey, of seeing what's happening in the brain. And so through this study, something I learned that goes exactly to what you are saying is that from the time we're born until we're about 7 years old, we're just a sponge like we don't have the capacity to make meaning about things that we hear. And as kids, I mean, we literally think the world revolves around us.
00:28:19.800 --> 00:28:29.070 Tina Parker: And that's an okay thing. It's just the way that we are right. And so we kind of internalize. If something bad happened. If we were told something. All of that gets imprinted on us.
00:28:29.090 --> 00:28:53.759 Tina Parker: and it becomes the foundation of this loop that just plays out in the back of our minds all the time, and I was, and it doesn't even have to be traumatic like. I know that. Yes, trauma happens, and that is a thing. But all of us have these conditioned imprints that just play out, and I will share for me. One of them was, I always saw my mom taking care of everything.
00:28:54.660 --> 00:29:13.049 Tina Parker: everyone right. And she was always happy, and she always made everything happy. And I literally internalized and not with, and just didn't realize it, that that was my role was to be everything for everyone to show up and be happy, to make everything okay, even if it was at the expense of myself.
00:29:14.310 --> 00:29:41.100 Mira Brancu: Absolutely. That's a great example that I think a lot of people can relate to. So we are reaching another ad break. You're listening to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Branco and our guest today, Tina Parker. And when we come back we're going to talk a little bit about her own 10 principles that she identified in her ebook, and learn a little bit more about which ones might be her favorite. So stick around and find out.
00:31:14.420 --> 00:31:25.840 Mira Brancu: Welcome back to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Branku and our guest today, Tina Parker. So, Tina, we had started touching on
00:31:26.000 --> 00:31:29.139 Mira Brancu: the impact of social conditioning
00:31:29.250 --> 00:31:48.737 Mira Brancu: and learning, and early imprinting on the messages that we get all around us from society that cause us to sort of behave in ways that may or may not sabotage our happiness or success. Right and
00:31:49.530 --> 00:31:59.580 Mira Brancu: that this is not really like our fault. It is just how we learn how our particular society
00:31:59.710 --> 00:32:02.640 Mira Brancu: define success or not success
00:32:03.030 --> 00:32:09.470 Mira Brancu: and to tease it apart more. I mean, everybody learns that right? So it's not specific to women. But
00:32:09.800 --> 00:32:14.625 Mira Brancu: what is specific to women are the things that you described, and
00:32:15.610 --> 00:32:29.239 Mira Brancu: I'll make it even more specific. I'm writing a book on this and sort of the the book specifically is for women high achieving women in leadership so teasing apart. What is achievement?
00:32:29.819 --> 00:32:50.350 Mira Brancu: Identity and social conditioning around achievement, identity. What is gender identity and social conditioning around what it means to be a woman and leadership identity. What that means when we're conditioned to what like leadership means and what it doesn't mean right. And when you have these intersecting situations
00:32:51.410 --> 00:33:01.340 Mira Brancu: where you have messages, for example, like you were mentioning to over function, overdue.
00:33:01.480 --> 00:33:07.299 Mira Brancu: Take care of everybody and everything. Overlook your own needs for other people's needs.
00:33:08.660 --> 00:33:14.940 Mira Brancu: which, you know, crosses over across these different ways of you know, learning how to be in the world.
00:33:15.618 --> 00:33:17.530 Mira Brancu: Sometimes you end up
00:33:17.730 --> 00:33:24.399 Mira Brancu: having lots of tensions and misalignments, and you talk a lot about that. So I would love to hear more about
00:33:24.800 --> 00:33:33.350 Mira Brancu: what are the sort of most common tensions and misalignments that you see when you're working with high achieving women around these kinds of things.
00:33:33.620 --> 00:33:34.386 Tina Parker: Oh, yeah.
00:33:35.010 --> 00:33:49.620 Tina Parker: it's pretty standard for a lot of us, you know. We start to recognize that we're more short tempered. We're more irritable. We feel like we're reacting to things all the time. And that really, that's just because we just feel so stretched thin
00:33:49.620 --> 00:34:10.019 Tina Parker: like there isn't enough resourcefulness within us to give to everything. But when we start to recognize that and we start to recognize, you know, we're worrying about work when we're at home, and we're worrying about home when we're at work right? We feel like I'm not giving enough here. I'm not giving enough there, and the story plays out over and over and over that I'm not enough
00:34:10.770 --> 00:34:20.320 Tina Parker: right? And it just compounds this limiting identity because you hit it right on the head. It is this, these self concepts about who we are
00:34:20.440 --> 00:34:39.480 Tina Parker: right that keep us stuck in these. I call it the downward spiral of reactivity, and there are ways to shift ourselves into the upward spiral. But you know, it's really recognizing that we're getting into that downward spiral first.st And a lot of us, you know, we feel like, well, I just can't take my foot off the gas.
00:34:39.670 --> 00:35:06.729 Tina Parker: because I don't know what's going to happen. I don't want to drop the ball. I don't want to let people down. And you mentioned it earlier, too, and I don't want the backlash that could happen. It's going to happen. And it's not because for most part, it's just because people have become accustomed to the way that you show up. And anytime a pattern shifts like that. It's kind of like, wait, what's happening. Right? So there is a period of adjustment. And it does take us really
00:35:06.910 --> 00:35:19.279 Tina Parker: getting connected with who we are and our values. And what's really important for us rather than we keep running on the hamster wheel of just what we've been taught is the definition of success to.
00:35:19.280 --> 00:35:25.220 Mira Brancu: Yeah. And you know frankly, Nope.
00:35:25.810 --> 00:35:33.150 Mira Brancu: the people who are angry with you trying to break an unhealthy situation and pattern
00:35:33.711 --> 00:35:42.999 Mira Brancu: are not the people you're trying to appease here like they're not worth it. The people who really admire when you do that, those are the people
00:35:43.290 --> 00:35:51.929 Mira Brancu: that are worth your time and energy, and we often overlook that like not everybody's worth my time and energy.
00:35:52.110 --> 00:35:53.719 Mira Brancu: But we're trained
00:35:53.880 --> 00:36:09.489 Mira Brancu: to just give our time and energy to everybody and everything, without making any assessment about whether they are going to fill our needs equally or reciprocally. So. That's a little soapbox you just like triggered in me.
00:36:09.900 --> 00:36:16.310 Tina Parker: I love it, though I love it, though, because it is so true, right is that we we don't.
00:36:16.640 --> 00:36:38.979 Tina Parker: We lack the discernment for ourselves right to discern. Is this right? Good, healthy, whatever for me versus the and this goes back again to the woman centered. Coaching is there's 3 attentions that we talk about, and women have been conditioned to get it backwards.
00:36:39.220 --> 00:36:39.620 Mira Brancu: Right.
00:36:39.620 --> 00:36:41.919 Tina Parker: We focus on other people. First, st
00:36:42.200 --> 00:36:52.379 Tina Parker: then, the energy of what's happening around us, or or higher purpose, higher power. Then if there's anything left over, and we get some for ourselves right? There's nothing left over. We all know this.
00:36:52.640 --> 00:37:19.509 Tina Parker: And so the really the key is, we have to shift that, and it can be just in a moment. This is not like you have to go on a Sabbatical for a year. Right? You can. That's wonderful. But there can be micro moments of just noticing. Wait! I'm feeling out of alignment. I'm feeling frazzled. I'm feeling like I'm maxed out here. It's probably because I have not yet tapped into. What do I need? Where's my superpower? Right? We can connect into this part of ourselves that is resourced.
00:37:19.510 --> 00:37:22.950 Tina Parker: that knows what we need that knows we're badass women
00:37:23.170 --> 00:37:25.570 Tina Parker: right? And tap into that first, st
00:37:25.720 --> 00:37:33.600 Tina Parker: then assess, okay, what's happening around me? What's the energy that I'm putting out? What's the energy that I'm allowing myself to absorb or not.
00:37:34.090 --> 00:37:43.930 Tina Parker: and only then do we turn our attention to what others need from us, because if we do it the other way around, like many of us do, and I did for a very long time.
00:37:44.140 --> 00:37:50.150 Tina Parker: We are not resourced to provide for other people, because we haven't provided for ourselves.
00:37:50.550 --> 00:37:59.110 Tina Parker: Yeah, so it is not selfish. It is helping us to be stronger, better, more aligned, more grounded, more present. All the things that we want anyway.
00:37:59.250 --> 00:38:04.749 Tina Parker: so that we can bring our genius gifts into the world in a way that feels aligned and authentic.
00:38:05.500 --> 00:38:07.309 Mira Brancu: Now. Tell me
00:38:07.420 --> 00:38:22.369 Mira Brancu: you mentioned a downward spiral of reactivity, and that there is a way to shift into an upward spiral, so I would love to know. What does it look like when you're on the downward spiral?
00:38:22.550 --> 00:38:27.729 Mira Brancu: And how do you shift? What does it actually take to make that shift.
00:38:29.090 --> 00:38:43.759 Tina Parker: Yes, so we talked a little bit about what the downward spiral looks like, right. It's that feeling of overwhelm which overwhelm is not a state. It's an emotion. It is a feeling that we have because of the meaning that we make about what's going on.
00:38:44.590 --> 00:38:55.467 Tina Parker: Right? And so the downward spiral of reactivity happens when we feel like we are not in control of ourselves, that we are constantly. You know, we are constantly
00:38:56.190 --> 00:39:00.999 Tina Parker: responding, reacting to what other people are doing right around us
00:39:01.210 --> 00:39:15.959 Tina Parker: and that we can, we can feel it. We can feel that we're frustrated. We can feel that overwhelmed, we can feel the stress right. And there is a way for us to turn the stress into fuel for ourselves, and that is by that pause.
00:39:17.120 --> 00:39:26.330 Tina Parker: notice what's going on, and reconnect into ourselves. Right those 3 attentions that we talked about, and then choose, how do I want to move forward?
00:39:26.570 --> 00:39:31.640 Tina Parker: Do I want to continue to move forward in a way that feels reactive and stressful?
00:39:31.890 --> 00:39:37.069 Tina Parker: Or would I like to move forward in a way that feels generative and life giving for me.
00:39:37.510 --> 00:39:55.309 Tina Parker: And understand, that's going to be different for each person. And that's why we have to connect to ourselves 1st to know. What is it that I want? Why is this triggering me right? Is that really my story, or is that someone else's story right, instead of just keeping running on the hamster wheel and running ourselves into the ground.
00:39:55.560 --> 00:40:03.969 Mira Brancu: Yeah, yeah. And I know that when you're describing this, it sounds simple.
00:40:04.100 --> 00:40:04.550 Tina Parker: Oh, yeah.
00:40:04.550 --> 00:40:08.750 Mira Brancu: On this show because these are hard skills. Okay.
00:40:08.750 --> 00:40:09.770 Tina Parker: Exactly.
00:40:09.770 --> 00:40:18.860 Mira Brancu: Are really, really hard skills. And what it takes is learning how to separate.
00:40:19.080 --> 00:40:33.821 Mira Brancu: What part of this is me and the things that I personally need to work on because I'm escalating a situation, or I'm contributing to a situation, or this is just my personality, and I'm a you know not. Not
00:40:34.450 --> 00:40:37.740 Mira Brancu: connecting with this environment. So what part is me?
00:40:37.860 --> 00:40:44.399 Mira Brancu: What part of this is learned conditioning that has affected my ability to succeed.
00:40:44.900 --> 00:41:04.839 Mira Brancu: and I need to unlearn it in order to find a better, healthier way to engage in the world in a way that's like you, said life sustaining, you know, energy providing and then what part is the culture that I'm working in that I have to sort of like decide?
00:41:04.890 --> 00:41:15.460 Mira Brancu: Is this the right culture for me or not? Am I willing to challenge myself to adjust or to meet the, you know, need of the day or not? And I think the most important
00:41:15.680 --> 00:41:24.329 Mira Brancu: piece here. Once you learn that you know ability to like you, said pause. Attend, and then separate out those things for yourself.
00:41:24.500 --> 00:41:31.290 Mira Brancu: Is that, knowing that you do have a choice in most situations. Not all I recognize, but
00:41:31.880 --> 00:41:35.720 Mira Brancu: you know you did mention like the micro moments you have some
00:41:35.910 --> 00:41:49.410 Mira Brancu: tiny actions you can take, even if you can't take big actions. And that is a choice, too. And I'm not sure everybody realizes when they do have a choice like they actually have a choice. I'm curious about like your
00:41:49.600 --> 00:41:53.580 Mira Brancu: experiences working with people who for
00:41:53.800 --> 00:41:57.859 Mira Brancu: such a long time have felt stuck to the point of learned helplessness.
00:41:58.030 --> 00:42:08.909 Mira Brancu: How do they start finding out that they have a choice, or realizing that they can take small actions, even if it doesn't seem like
00:42:09.340 --> 00:42:12.549 Mira Brancu: the biggest action that they might need or want.
00:42:13.480 --> 00:42:20.900 Tina Parker: Yeah, we do learn these things over time, and and recognizing that in
00:42:21.220 --> 00:42:39.370 Tina Parker: certain situations yes, it can feel extremely difficult to break out of these right. There are systemic things in place that can do that there are family conditioning, cultural conditioning that just gets imprinted on us that can make it more difficult. But really, what we can do is
00:42:39.490 --> 00:42:42.830 Tina Parker: challenge the questions that we're asking.
00:42:42.980 --> 00:42:48.030 Tina Parker: right? Because even to the point where you go, why is this happening to me again, this always happens to me.
00:42:48.030 --> 00:42:49.490 Tina Parker: Hmm, okay.
00:42:49.490 --> 00:43:09.329 Tina Parker: that is a down like you can feel the downward pull like the spiral just feels like, oh, it feels heavy, right? But then switch that question and go. What might I learn from this? Is there something I can take away that can help me to move forward in a different way. Like, literally, we grow in the direction of the questions we ask.
00:43:09.740 --> 00:43:13.040 Mira Brancu: Interesting, super interesting.
00:43:13.040 --> 00:43:30.649 Tina Parker: Yeah, if you so just try it, you know, even if it feels weird and it will at 1st like, just understand, if it's not familiar. Your brain's going to go. Ew, that's funky. I don't want to do that. Well, just because it's not familiar doesn't mean it's not helpful, right? A lot of times we get stuck in the familiar, and that's what keeps us stuck.
00:43:31.010 --> 00:43:36.599 Tina Parker: So shift the way that you're asking the question and give it some more life and see what happens.
00:43:37.090 --> 00:43:39.661 Mira Brancu: Beautiful, spoken like a true coach.
00:43:40.770 --> 00:44:02.110 Mira Brancu: So we are reaching an ad break. We're going to take a pause. I want you to take some time to reflect on all of this stuff, and when we come back we will get some real practical next step tips of how to apply all of this. You're listening to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Branco and our guest today, Tina Parker, and we'll be right back in just a moment.
00:46:04.150 --> 00:46:10.010 Mira Brancu: Welcome. Welcome back to the hard skills with me. Dr. Mira Branku and our guest today, Tina Parker.
00:46:10.190 --> 00:46:13.510 Mira Brancu: So you have an ebook
00:46:13.730 --> 00:46:16.320 Mira Brancu: with 10 principles that people can work through
00:46:16.620 --> 00:46:21.390 Mira Brancu: and we might not necessarily cover all of them. But I'm curious.
00:46:21.550 --> 00:46:27.549 Mira Brancu: Number one, how did you develop these? What are they for? And share with us a little bit about like
00:46:27.670 --> 00:46:29.930 Mira Brancu: but your favorite ones?
00:46:31.490 --> 00:46:32.930 Mira Brancu: As you were developing it.
00:46:38.080 --> 00:46:43.429 Tina Parker: There's so many that are my favorites, but I will try to narrow it down.
00:46:44.364 --> 00:46:46.670 Tina Parker: What I will share is that
00:46:46.990 --> 00:47:10.209 Tina Parker: these are born out of 8 principles that come out of women-centered coaching. And it's based around feminine power. And part of what I loved about these is that they really just share and shine a light on how women have been functioning within this strategic achievement based?
00:47:11.990 --> 00:47:21.219 Tina Parker: paradigm, basically. For what does it mean to be successful? What does it mean to be a leader? How do I move up the ladder? How do I become successful in life?
00:47:21.310 --> 00:47:43.359 Tina Parker: And when we try to fit ourselves into this linear goal achievement pathway, which, by the way, is not bad like, I'm not saying that that is bad. It has brought about so many great things, and it is helpful. When you're you have a goal, you're trying to achieve it. You're trying to move forward. You have your steps. It works right accountability, all that good stuff.
00:47:43.800 --> 00:47:47.399 Tina Parker: And there's another level for women
00:47:47.580 --> 00:47:58.489 Tina Parker: that we just, you know, in in the course of history, have not been encouraged to tap into. And that is our feminine genius.
00:47:58.570 --> 00:48:13.519 Tina Parker: We don't function as well in a straight, linear achievement based process when we get to a certain level. And we're talking to high achieving women. Right? When we get to a certain level, we realize there's more here.
00:48:13.540 --> 00:48:35.819 Tina Parker: There's more for me to tap into. We want relationships. We want expansion. We want the ability to like when we. This is the thing about women, when we find the medicine that fills whatever it is that we've been experiencing. We don't want to keep that to ourselves. We actually bring that back to the village right? That's been the history of women.
00:48:35.850 --> 00:48:52.910 Tina Parker: We bring it back to the village, and we want to share it with everyone. Right? So it really is this perspective of being able to see a greater possibility for humanity, a greater possibility for how each individual can bring their gifts in to create something that may not exist
00:48:53.250 --> 00:49:02.850 Tina Parker: right? And so this ability for us to tap in to. Really, there's a lot of things. But these 10 key areas in our life
00:49:03.040 --> 00:49:11.409 Tina Parker: help us to be able to break free of that pattern of feeling like, I'm stuck inside of a box that just really wasn't created for me.
00:49:11.920 --> 00:49:38.210 Tina Parker: Right? And so, yeah. And so for me, we talked a little bit about creativity. Creativity is one of the 10, and the reason I love it is because it's not. You know we have a notion that creativity is about painting and dancing, which is wonderful. And it's lovely. But in this context creativity is really our ability to create the experiences, the outcomes the opportunities that we most desire while bringing forth
00:49:38.360 --> 00:49:40.490 Tina Parker: our own genius, gifts, and talents.
00:49:40.590 --> 00:49:53.170 Tina Parker: and so tapping into the creative parts of us, which quite honestly get shut down a lot of times when we are more in that structured achievement based, you know, paradigm.
00:49:53.330 --> 00:49:56.930 Tina Parker: And so it's about reaching the goal, not creating something bigger.
00:49:57.380 --> 00:50:09.010 Tina Parker: And so, really being able to tap into. What does that feel like when that creative juice sparks when I go? Oh, I feel like there's a bigger possibility here that maybe I can't fully see or explain. But I feel it
00:50:09.350 --> 00:50:15.339 Tina Parker: right. And that's a time when one of the other keys is tapping into connection
00:50:15.790 --> 00:50:30.819 Tina Parker: connection connection with ourselves connection with others. Because Dr. Zammet, in Women center coaching, she says something that literally blew my mind when I heard it, she said. We cannot become ourselves by ourselves.
00:50:31.860 --> 00:50:32.570 Mira Brancu: Hmm!
00:50:33.170 --> 00:50:36.000 Mira Brancu: That's really really good.
00:50:36.370 --> 00:50:39.719 Tina Parker: Is. I mean, it's again seems simple.
00:50:39.970 --> 00:50:42.770 Tina Parker: but underneath it it's very deep.
00:50:43.110 --> 00:50:48.315 Mira Brancu: And I'd like to like add a little bit more to that. I'm sure she spoke about it. But
00:50:49.680 --> 00:50:53.310 Mira Brancu: we, when you think about achievement based culture.
00:50:53.450 --> 00:50:54.670 Mira Brancu: And
00:50:55.486 --> 00:51:10.739 Mira Brancu: you hear a lot about meritocracy? Right? Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, Lone Ranger. This, like single hero model of leadership. Right. The message constantly over and over.
00:51:11.080 --> 00:51:17.530 Mira Brancu: is I got there by myself. I did it by myself. Right? That's not true at all.
00:51:18.580 --> 00:51:19.490 Mira Brancu: That's over.
00:51:19.490 --> 00:51:20.020 Tina Parker: Effort.
00:51:23.790 --> 00:51:32.039 Mira Brancu: Yeah, and not acknowledging really what it takes, sends a message that if I'm
00:51:32.600 --> 00:51:41.815 Mira Brancu: realizing that the reality is, I need people that makes me feel weak when in fact, that's the reality.
00:51:42.750 --> 00:51:47.630 Tina Parker: Exactly. And you're right. That is what perpetrates this feeling of.
00:51:47.760 --> 00:51:52.609 Tina Parker: I'm incompetent. I'm not capable. I'm weak if I can't figure this out on my own.
00:51:52.890 --> 00:52:03.499 Tina Parker: And I mean, let's be honest, as smart, conscious, aware, and capable women. And we're the go tos for a lot of things we can get in our own head to go. Why can't I figure this out.
00:52:03.970 --> 00:52:10.560 Tina Parker: Something is missing, something feels off. Why can't I figure it out? I am smart. I'm capable. What's wrong with me?
00:52:11.490 --> 00:52:34.929 Tina Parker: And the reality is nothing, absolutely nothing is wrong with you. It is through this reflection and amplification from other people, and brainstorming and tapping into different perspectives, that we are able to one connect with our own deeper knowing about ourselves, and to create and see possibilities that by ourselves we just can't see.
00:52:35.410 --> 00:52:37.410 Mira Brancu: Yeah, absolutely.
00:52:37.410 --> 00:52:41.350 Tina Parker: It's powerful, it's not, it's not weak, and it is.
00:52:41.750 --> 00:52:42.510 Tina Parker: Stretch.
00:52:42.510 --> 00:52:54.120 Mira Brancu: No, it's it's acknowledging reality, and it's a high, it's a much more mature way of viewing things as opposed to when we were 7, and we were egocentric, and thought the world revolved around us.
00:52:54.120 --> 00:52:54.850 Tina Parker: Yes.
00:52:54.850 --> 00:53:04.829 Mira Brancu: So looking at like the the last couple of minutes here, what is the one thing out of everything that we talked about today. What is the one thing that you would like people to take away from today?
00:53:07.690 --> 00:53:12.220 Tina Parker: I think the one thing is trusting yourself.
00:53:13.070 --> 00:53:22.619 Tina Parker: It is leading ourselves to the place where we're coming home to who we truly are, and trusting ourselves because
00:53:22.850 --> 00:53:32.859 Tina Parker: we all have intuition. We're born with it right? The way our bodies are wired. We bring in receptors, and we can sense things that are happening. But we stop trusting
00:53:33.230 --> 00:53:44.360 Tina Parker: that if I can't validate something outside of myself, then it's not true, like I must be crazy because there is an external validation for whatever I'm feeling or thinking.
00:53:44.650 --> 00:53:51.699 Tina Parker: and that's not true. The self leadership is the ability to pause, tune into ourselves
00:53:51.960 --> 00:53:59.620 Tina Parker: and really notice what's going on for us, and trust it, because our bodies are a lot smarter than our brains.
00:53:59.830 --> 00:54:02.879 Mira Brancu: Yeah, that's totally true. I mean, think about like.
00:54:02.960 --> 00:54:27.779 Mira Brancu: when you get that spidey sense. And you know something's off about a situation. But like you can't put your finger on it right? Like your your brain has processed more information than you're able to articulate. But there's something there. And that's yeah, that's exactly right. So if people want to learn more about you, I know I already shared a little bit earlier, as you were talking about the 10 principles and
00:54:28.150 --> 00:54:35.839 Mira Brancu: your ebook. I was sharing for those of you those folks who were watching leadoutsidethelines.com backslash
00:54:35.890 --> 00:54:37.629 Mira Brancu: 10 as the number 10
00:54:38.155 --> 00:54:55.100 Mira Brancu: keys ebook, KEYS EBOO, K. Okay. So go there if you want that ebook. But there's other places to find you, too. So tell us a little bit about your company, and then your visionary women's alliance.
00:54:55.890 --> 00:55:12.040 Tina Parker: Oh, absolutely so. Yes, leadoutsidethelines.com is where folks can go and find out more about what we're up to, how they can get involved. And really, the way this came about for lead outside the lines was to help visionary women
00:55:12.400 --> 00:55:20.279 Tina Parker: trust themselves to step into their authentic power and own the space that is rightfully ours.
00:55:20.310 --> 00:55:41.360 Tina Parker: Because we have done the work. We're bringing our gifts to the world. And with the Visionary Women's Alliance there is a conscious leadership accelerator that runs into that goes into that. So for those of you who may just be like, Hey, I just want to know, how do I shift from reactivity to creativity? Yes, I'm interested in everything else but one step at a time. Great.
00:55:41.360 --> 00:55:54.600 Tina Parker: That's the conscious leadership accelerator helping you to really have those micro moments where you can shift in the moment from reactivity to creativity, and I know it can be done because I have lived it in my own life.
00:55:54.720 --> 00:56:09.020 Tina Parker: I now have a great relationship with my daughter. I'm remarried to an amazing man. I have my own business that I love, that I never thought I'd be able to start and have a really strong co-parenting relationship with my ex, which is not always easy.
00:56:09.020 --> 00:56:09.660 Mira Brancu: Oh, amazing!
00:56:09.660 --> 00:56:12.710 Tina Parker: I promise you. It works, it works.
00:56:12.710 --> 00:56:42.609 Mira Brancu: Amazing. Thank you. So everybody, what did you take away from today? And more importantly, what is one small change that you can implement this week, based on what you learned from Tina. Share it with us on Linkedin, so we could cheer you on. You know she used to be a cheerleader, she will cheer you on. We are also on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, twitch, apple, spotify and Amazon podcasts. If today's episode resonated for you, share it with a colleague or leave a review.
00:56:42.780 --> 00:57:03.886 Mira Brancu: And of course, if you are looking for more personalized support around leadership or team coaching, you could also head to towerscope.com. That's my company. The stuff that I like to talk about is part of my strategic leadership pathway, roadmap. I use it to help socially conscious organizational misfits on their leadership journeys and
00:57:04.450 --> 00:57:26.559 Mira Brancu: otherwise. Thank you to talkradio dot Nyc. For hosting together. We will navigate the complexities of leadership and emerge stronger on the other side. Thank you for joining me and Tina Parker today on this journey. This is Dr. Mira Branco, signing off until next time. Stay, steady, stay present and keep building those hard skills muscles.
00:57:27.600 --> 00:57:28.759 Mira Brancu: Bye, everybody.
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