Tuesdays 5:00pm - 6:00pm (EDT)
EPISODE SUMMARY:
What happens when diplomacy becomes avoidance and truth-telling becomes backlash? In this raw solo episode, Dr. Mira Brancu shares two very real, very different stories that led her to rethink how—and when—we speak up. If you've ever struggled to find the right words at the right time (or said nothing at all), this one’s for you.
In this candid and timely episode, Dr. Mira Brancu explores the complex dance between truth-telling and diplomacy in leadership and team dynamics. Prompted by a last-minute guest cancellation—and an emergency surgery of her own—Mira contrasts two real-life situations that raise important questions about responsibility, trust, and communication. She reflects on her personal journey from being celebrated for diplomacy to realizing its limits when it comes to confronting dysfunction. Drawing on research, client stories, and her own leadership path, Mira offers a framework for knowing when and how to speak up, including practical tools, reflection prompts, and sentence starters for navigating hard conversations without causing harm—or staying silent. Whether you lead teams or work within one, this episode helps you build the courage and skill to surface truth with clarity, care, and impact.
Dr. Mira Brancu, host of The Hard Skills, is a consulting and coaching psychologist who specializes in leadership identity development and building adaptive, high-performing teams. She is also an Associate Professor at Duke University, author of the Millennials Guide to Workplace Politics and companion workbook, and a Psychology Today columnist. Some of her specialties include working with leadership “misfits,” politics, upheaval, and transitions. Her award-winning social impact firm, Towerscope, empowers and elevates leaders and teams within disrupted and complex learning and innovation industries.
www.gotowerscope.com
#TruthTellingWithCare #DiplomaticLeadership #SpeakUpSkillfully #LeadershipDevelopment #TheHardSkills
Tune in for this empowering conversation at TalkRadio.nyc
In this episode of The Hard Skills, Dr. Mira Brancu shares two contrasting professional experiences to underscore the critical importance of timely communication and accountability in leadership, especially when trust and scheduling are at stake. She reflects on how she's grown into a “truth-teller” over the past five years—not by being confrontational, but by learning to balance candor with diplomacy in ways that align with her values and leadership style. For high-achievers, her message is clear: when navigating power dynamics and expectations, especially in uncertain or complex environments, over-communication and integrity build credibility faster than credentials ever will.
In this segment of The Hard Skills, Dr. Mira Brancu reflects on her evolution from being praised for her diplomacy to recognizing its limitations when overused, especially in avoiding difficult but necessary conversations. She emphasizes that while diplomacy can foster trust and collaboration, it may also be weaponized to suppress transparency and delay addressing dysfunction—something leaders must be vigilant about. For high-achieving leaders, the key takeaway is this: sustainable leadership requires knowing when to calmly maintain harmony and when to courageously disrupt it by naming issues others are too afraid to confront.
In this segment of The Hard Skills, Dr. Mira Brancu outlines six essential leadership skills for balancing truth-telling with diplomacy: self-awareness, clarity of intent, courage to speak up, tolerance for discomfort, timing, and emotional regulation. She explains how unspoken tension, passive resistance, and excessive control often stem from fear, and leaders must learn to name and address these behaviors directly yet constructively. Using the THINK framework (True, Helpful, Important, Needed, Kind), she emphasizes that sustainable influence comes not from calling people out, but from calling them in with clarity, care, and purpose.
In this final segment of The Hard Skills, Dr. Mira Brancu offers tactical strategies for leaders to balance truth-telling with diplomacy, such as leading with purpose instead of emotion, separating facts from judgment, and using empathy to lower defensiveness. She emphasizes the importance of timing, emotional regulation, and framing conversations in a way that encourages openness while still addressing real issues. Leaders looking to strengthen these skills are invited to connect with her directly or explore deeper development through the Tower Scope Leadership Academy for structured growth in complex environments.
00:00:45.200 --> 00:01:03.130 Mira Brancu: Welcome. Welcome back to the hard skills show where we take a deep dive into the most challenging soft skills required to navigate leadership, uncertainty, complexities and change today and into the future. I'm your host, Dr. Mira Branku, psychologist, leadership consultant and founder of Towerscope.
00:01:03.580 --> 00:01:04.235 Mira Brancu: So
00:01:05.600 --> 00:01:08.120 Mira Brancu: Today we had a little bit of a hiccup.
00:01:08.280 --> 00:01:13.029 Mira Brancu: and that relates a bit to the topic for today.
00:01:13.480 --> 00:01:22.959 Mira Brancu: The guest that we originally planned to have on the show contacted me yesterday to let me know there was an unexpected scheduling conflict.
00:01:23.110 --> 00:01:25.320 Mira Brancu: and that they would not be able to make the show.
00:01:25.750 --> 00:01:38.880 Mira Brancu: and they asked if they could reschedule, and before I agreed I let them know that it did put me in a bind. I mean, honestly, I don't understand how you can have a scheduling conflict when you are scheduled for this
00:01:39.000 --> 00:01:53.850 Mira Brancu: many, many months ago. Right? So I was already sort of like wondering why? Why is it that they have a scheduling conflict. How could that even happen? But instead, I just asked whether the person that they identified as backup could actually still serve as backup.
00:01:54.360 --> 00:02:08.969 Mira Brancu: Now, that happened yesterday, and by this morning there was still no response, so ultimately I chose to let them know that I would just go in a different direction with the episode. And, needless to say.
00:02:09.150 --> 00:02:26.700 Mira Brancu: I personally, not only have I not received any other follow up right, but I lost trust because they weren't responsive. They didn't apologize. There didn't seem to be an emergency, and they expected me to still offer them another spot.
00:02:26.960 --> 00:02:27.870 Mira Brancu: Now
00:02:28.250 --> 00:02:35.049 Mira Brancu: you might ask, well, what what if there was an emergency? And they just didn't want to tell you about it right? Because it's none of your business.
00:02:35.300 --> 00:02:54.459 Mira Brancu: and that might be the case. But frankly, like, you don't have to share any nitty, gritty details. Right? You can say I had an emergency, and is there any way to reschedule, and I probably would have been more understanding right? So hold on to this story for a moment while I share my next story
00:02:54.730 --> 00:02:56.290 Mira Brancu: in contrast. Okay.
00:02:56.720 --> 00:03:23.919 Mira Brancu: last week my husband and I took a trip with our daughter to South Carolina for the long Memorial Day weekend, and you know it was partly to get away, and partly just to use it an excuse to visit a couple of colleges with her, because she's starting to look, and I was slated to then fly out to Michigan on Tuesday, right? So we went away Saturday to Monday. I was slated to go on Tuesday to do this grand rounds. Talk at
00:03:24.400 --> 00:03:31.449 Mira Brancu: a mental health services organization on one of my favorite topics, developing high, performing clinical and research teams.
00:03:31.860 --> 00:03:38.990 Mira Brancu: and unfortunately, just an hour after arriving in Charleston, South Carolina.
00:03:39.640 --> 00:03:42.929 Mira Brancu: I had to undergo an emergency appendectomy.
00:03:43.050 --> 00:03:49.349 Mira Brancu: Yeah. Last weekend I had to undergo an emergency appendectomy.
00:03:49.760 --> 00:03:52.509 Mira Brancu: So here's what I did.
00:03:53.070 --> 00:04:14.680 Mira Brancu: I reached out to this Mental Health Services Center, and I sent them a message to let them know as soon as I could. So that was like Sunday, you know. I was feeling a little bit, you know better, because, you know, an appendectomy is not like big surgery. It's small as surgery, and so I,
00:04:14.850 --> 00:04:27.750 Mira Brancu: you know, was already able to sort of reach out on Sunday, right, and I sent them a message as soon as I could that I had this emergency surgery. I told them. The doctor told me that I might be able to travel on Tuesday
00:04:28.090 --> 00:04:37.100 Mira Brancu: and be ready to do the talk, but I wasn't fully sure that I could, and I told them I could send the check in update on Monday night, and then again on Tuesday morning.
00:04:37.280 --> 00:04:50.280 Mira Brancu: and to my relief they immediately said, Don't worry, we understand. No one can foresee these emergencies. You should recover. Don't even come right, and I felt badly, but, like
00:04:50.470 --> 00:04:59.500 Mira Brancu: regardless, I still contacted them. On Monday evening, even when it was clear I was not ready to travel, and I still confirmed it for them.
00:05:00.410 --> 00:05:08.329 Mira Brancu: and I didn't apologize for the emergency. Obviously, that's not my fault. But I did say I'm really sorry. I know it takes a lot of work to plan these things.
00:05:08.540 --> 00:05:23.340 Mira Brancu: and I know this foiled the plans, and I really appreciate your support and understanding in this way, and it like it, made me feel even more appreciative and closer to them. Now, I did have a relationship with them, so I literally did not need to say much.
00:05:23.470 --> 00:05:27.189 Mira Brancu: because they would have been understanding. Anyway. However,
00:05:29.140 --> 00:05:36.630 Mira Brancu: you know that is not the point. The point is that I feel a certain level of responsibility.
00:05:36.780 --> 00:05:47.809 Mira Brancu: for you know, colleagues who put their political, you know capital or their belief in me or you know their time and effort into me.
00:05:48.120 --> 00:05:51.670 Mira Brancu: and I feel a responsibility to live up to that
00:05:51.780 --> 00:06:02.409 Mira Brancu: right, and you would think the less of a relationship you have with someone like with this guest that I had no relationship with, like I didn't know them before they were going to go on the show.
00:06:03.250 --> 00:06:07.969 Mira Brancu: The less of a relationship you have with with people, the less you owe them, and the less they owe you right.
00:06:08.880 --> 00:06:12.430 Mira Brancu: The reality is that the less you have a relationship.
00:06:12.640 --> 00:06:16.589 Mira Brancu: the more you should be over communicating with them.
00:06:16.880 --> 00:06:19.040 Mira Brancu: so that you don't burn bridges.
00:06:19.290 --> 00:06:37.529 Mira Brancu: or cause them to make assumptions or misunderstand, because the reality is the less of a relationship you have with somebody, the more likely it is that we make assumptions or misunderstand their intention. This guest could be like the most nice, amazing person, and they kind of
00:06:37.670 --> 00:06:40.349 Mira Brancu: frankly appeared to be nice. You know
00:06:40.530 --> 00:07:01.269 Mira Brancu: I was looking forward to getting to know them, but in the absence of information, in the absence of responsiveness, in the absence of over communicating when there is a problem. You fill it in with assumptions. And that's what I was missing. I was missing enough information to not make assumptions about their intentions.
00:07:02.000 --> 00:07:04.840 Mira Brancu: So the focus of today's session
00:07:04.990 --> 00:07:15.230 Mira Brancu: is slightly different from that, like, it's not related to trust building. But it is somewhat related. And it's how much you choose to say.
00:07:15.670 --> 00:07:20.490 Mira Brancu: and when and how you choose to say it to be effective or ineffective.
00:07:20.840 --> 00:07:21.660 Mira Brancu: Okay?
00:07:22.080 --> 00:07:30.339 Mira Brancu: And it's the sort of what I've been thinking about is is the the kind of
00:07:30.570 --> 00:07:35.589 Mira Brancu: continuum from truth telling to diplomacy.
00:07:36.120 --> 00:07:40.659 Mira Brancu: Okay? And so this past week I've been called a truth teller
00:07:40.850 --> 00:07:43.770 Mira Brancu: or someone who doesn't take Bs by colleagues.
00:07:43.930 --> 00:07:48.280 Mira Brancu: and I find this absolutely fascinating.
00:07:48.820 --> 00:07:54.449 Mira Brancu: because I don't think that I would have perceived myself this way
00:07:54.660 --> 00:08:16.339 Mira Brancu: until about 5 years ago, and personally, I don't see myself that way at all, like I look up to folks who I see as a lot braver than me in speaking truth to power, or holding people accountable for their Bs right or just like poor performance, or whatever that is. And I feel like I have so much more to go to feel like I'm that person.
00:08:17.360 --> 00:08:18.929 Mira Brancu: But other people
00:08:19.130 --> 00:08:43.889 Mira Brancu: and I hear this feedback often, I mean yes, I've heard it a lot strangely, often, very recently, but I hear this feedback often from others. They see me as a truth teller, or they they say I'm brave, or that I don't take Bs, and I'm always kind of like fascinated by this because of the fact that I look up to people who are much better at that. But I think some of that is
00:08:44.310 --> 00:09:05.369 Mira Brancu: because I admire that in other people I challenge myself to lean into that as well, and try to do better and better with being open and candid, and you know, speaking that sort of like honesty. When I see it happening. And I've definitely seen a bigger shift in myself in the last 5 years.
00:09:05.960 --> 00:09:06.715 Mira Brancu: So
00:09:07.790 --> 00:09:13.609 Mira Brancu: What's changed for me? Why is this important? How can this help you? That's kind of the focus of this episode.
00:09:14.010 --> 00:09:26.810 Mira Brancu: So in the past 5 years I've gained greater clarity about not only the importance of speaking up when I have the power and the privilege to do so, and like knowing. Oh, in this space
00:09:26.930 --> 00:09:47.105 Mira Brancu: I don't feel like I have much clout or power or privilege to say anything, and I feel intimidated, or I feel scared, or I feel uncomfortable or judged. But in that space I feel like other people, have even less power and privilege, and I have the person who holds a little bit more, and I can speak up right. So I've been like paying very close attention to that
00:09:47.500 --> 00:09:58.750 Mira Brancu: especially since the you know. All of the sort of racial reckoning George Floyd. 2020, all of that stuff. But I've also been thinking like how I want to do this
00:09:58.990 --> 00:10:10.760 Mira Brancu: in a way that feels aligned and maintains clear boundaries when I don't necessarily believe others.
00:10:11.373 --> 00:10:30.490 Mira Brancu: You know, respecting my time or contribution. So there are situations where I'm concerned. People are not respecting my boundaries, and you know, or my my time and contributions, and I feel like I need to put more boundaries in there. But there's there's a way that I want to do it that aligns with kind of my personality which is
00:10:30.780 --> 00:10:44.450 Mira Brancu: not someone who has a tendency to fight or debate right? I wish I had that in me. I'm not a debater or a fighter. Right? Instead.
00:10:44.660 --> 00:10:53.582 Mira Brancu: I am a. So I'm constantly thinking, what's happening for that other person? Can I understand them better? Can I sort of
00:10:54.711 --> 00:10:58.220 Mira Brancu: Take a different perspective? Right? And so
00:10:59.015 --> 00:11:05.230 Mira Brancu: A lot has gotten me to this point to find this balance between truth telling and diplomacy.
00:11:05.470 --> 00:11:08.310 Mira Brancu: And you know, looking back.
00:11:08.770 --> 00:11:11.239 Mira Brancu: I've always been an independent thinker
00:11:11.410 --> 00:11:15.970 Mira Brancu: who avoided groupthink or succumbed to peer pressure like internally.
00:11:16.500 --> 00:11:21.069 Mira Brancu: I am not that person who goes along just to get along with the group.
00:11:21.390 --> 00:11:29.700 Mira Brancu: often to the point of just going against the grain, just to be clear. I had no interest in going along just to go along right.
00:11:29.880 --> 00:11:30.870 Mira Brancu: and
00:11:31.240 --> 00:11:39.950 Mira Brancu: that doesn't mean getting along. I get along with people very well, and I'll talk about that in a moment. But in my college years I felt like maybe I had the most freedom to do this.
00:11:40.570 --> 00:11:46.399 Mira Brancu: No real authority figures to question my behavior didn't make make me
00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:54.050 Mira Brancu: make bad choices. It didn't lead me to make bad decisions. It actually led me to just be like more of my authentic self.
00:11:54.490 --> 00:12:05.590 Mira Brancu: And, by the way, if you want to hear about my authenticity journey. Listen to the 1st kickoff episode of my very good colleague and friend, Alexis Francies,
00:12:06.150 --> 00:12:08.930 Mira Brancu: She has a new podcast authentic Af.
00:12:09.550 --> 00:12:12.599 Mira Brancu: Which technically stands for Alexis Francies.
00:12:13.015 --> 00:12:14.730 Mira Brancu: She's a good colleague of mine
00:12:14.930 --> 00:12:25.897 Mira Brancu: who's a happiness and authenticity researcher, and I was thrilled to be her 1st guest and definitely look her up. Look, look at that episode that we did on that. So
00:12:26.460 --> 00:12:33.359 Mira Brancu: what I, what I learned in my 1st job is that not everyone appreciates
00:12:33.710 --> 00:12:36.090 Mira Brancu: you having your own mind about things.
00:12:37.080 --> 00:12:41.810 Mira Brancu: I learned really fast with several political missteps.
00:12:42.240 --> 00:12:46.290 Mira Brancu: that there are many leaders who want you to just fall in line.
00:12:46.660 --> 00:12:50.190 Mira Brancu: and if you don't, there are consequences.
00:12:50.660 --> 00:12:51.920 Mira Brancu: And
00:12:52.390 --> 00:12:59.659 Mira Brancu: in my second career I had a mentor that took me under his wing. You've probably heard about him before. If you've listened to this, podcast
00:13:00.380 --> 00:13:09.760 Mira Brancu: who had a way of both extracting the strengths, I didn't know I had so appreciating me for who I was, while also helping me refine my political savvy.
00:13:10.430 --> 00:13:16.889 Mira Brancu: which at 1st I was very against, and that helped me learn how to be more diplomatic.
00:13:18.140 --> 00:13:34.010 Mira Brancu: So I'm going to share about that diplomacy journey in a second, and where it got me, and then I'm going to share how I backtracked out of that diplomacy back into true telling and how I've been able to sort of combine this in myself.
00:13:34.730 --> 00:13:42.370 Mira Brancu: Okay, so I'm gonna share that in a moment you are listening to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Branco.
00:13:42.540 --> 00:14:01.589 Mira Brancu: and you can listen to us on live right now on Talkradio, Dot, Nyc. And Linkedin and Youtube and other places. If you're joining us during the live stream on Linkedin or Youtube, you can submit questions that I can answer in real time. And I or simply say, Hi.
00:14:01.870 --> 00:14:12.090 Mira Brancu: I'm Dr. Mira Branku, founder of Towerscope, a social impact company focused on helping leaders and teams navigate the complexities of today and lead better tomorrow, and we'll be right back in just a moment.
00:15:55.440 --> 00:16:09.529 Mira Brancu: Welcome back to the hard skills with me, Dr. Miro Branco. We're talking about the continuum between truth telling and diplomacy, and I got a twitch comment from Jorge, Alfredo
00:16:09.640 --> 00:16:20.450 Mira Brancu: G. Les Glez. Maybe that says, Hi, Hi, I told you to say Hi, and you said, Hi, so thank you very much so. Yeah, you can find me on twitch, too, as well right now. Okay, so
00:16:20.760 --> 00:16:23.799 Mira Brancu: my diplomacy journey first, st right?
00:16:25.400 --> 00:16:31.209 Mira Brancu: I became under the mentorship of that leader.
00:16:31.330 --> 00:16:38.160 Mira Brancu: the most amazingly diplomatic leader, I mean, people constantly commented on my diplomacy skills.
00:16:38.560 --> 00:16:47.759 Mira Brancu: And eventually I was invited to serve on committees because of that diplomacy and more leadership opportunities because of that diplomacy and
00:16:48.050 --> 00:16:52.649 Mira Brancu: increased trust in my ability to handle complex discussions with nuance.
00:16:53.180 --> 00:17:02.659 Mira Brancu: So it served me very well, and it was like a self fulfilling prophecy, like the more diplomatic I was, the more people felt like I could handle
00:17:03.737 --> 00:17:07.940 Mira Brancu: very complex discussions with finesse.
00:17:08.810 --> 00:17:17.800 Mira Brancu: and that is a skill. Don't get me wrong. That is a very, very strong skill, and people really admire that, you know in me.
00:17:18.349 --> 00:17:27.019 Mira Brancu: And you know, what does that? What does diplomacy even mean? It means being really like thoughtful and careful to not offend.
00:17:27.099 --> 00:17:49.528 Mira Brancu: It means choosing your words wisely. It means being you know, not being offensive, and that, you know, is good and bad, right? But but mostly it's it's not pushing people away, but pulling people in by helping them feel more comfortable with you like, those are some
00:17:50.390 --> 00:17:55.607 Mira Brancu: you know, diplomacy skills. It's also like engaging in a conversation with respect with
00:17:56.180 --> 00:18:16.449 Mira Brancu: sometimes empathy or or kindness, or just like inviting dialogue, instead of judging or questioning right? It's just focused on what is the information and not blaming people, but just focusing on the ideas. All of that is diplomacy.
00:18:17.905 --> 00:18:20.920 Mira Brancu: Well, that sounds amazing, right?
00:18:21.210 --> 00:18:23.440 Mira Brancu: It served me well until it didn't.
00:18:23.890 --> 00:18:31.830 Mira Brancu: You see for every strength there is a liability. There is a shadow side, right when you overdo things.
00:18:31.990 --> 00:18:35.840 Mira Brancu: and there is a cost to being super super diplomatic.
00:18:35.970 --> 00:18:38.339 Mira Brancu: And what I learned is that some people
00:18:38.540 --> 00:18:44.850 Mira Brancu: want you to be diplomatic in order to avoid being transparent about problems.
00:18:45.590 --> 00:18:57.299 Mira Brancu: Right? I was put in in some positions of leadership within committees or work groups, or you know, presentations or stuff like that.
00:18:58.957 --> 00:19:00.840 Mira Brancu: Because they wanted
00:19:01.070 --> 00:19:15.380 Mira Brancu: to avoid hard conversations, or they wanted me to smooth over things that probably shouldn't be smooth over, you know, and sometimes diplomacy turns into a great way to avoid
00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:19.050 Mira Brancu: being a stronger leader.
00:19:20.110 --> 00:19:27.010 Mira Brancu: I over indexed on appeasing, calming, and helping people get along.
00:19:27.980 --> 00:19:33.500 Mira Brancu: And I thought to myself, Aren't I so amazing at threading this needle to appease everybody?
00:19:33.770 --> 00:19:41.639 Mira Brancu: Well, that also means losing sight of when it's time to challenge unhealthy dynamics
00:19:41.940 --> 00:19:44.629 Mira Brancu: for the sake of appeasing others.
00:19:44.820 --> 00:19:49.439 Mira Brancu: Right? So over time, I realized that sometimes diplomacy
00:19:50.340 --> 00:19:55.780 Mira Brancu: can smooth over issues that perhaps should not be glossed over. Sometimes
00:19:56.010 --> 00:19:59.090 Mira Brancu: it's good to disrupt an unhealthy pattern.
00:19:59.420 --> 00:20:04.119 Mira Brancu: sometimes it's important to put up a boundary when people are taking advantage.
00:20:04.850 --> 00:20:08.360 Mira Brancu: And this is where truth telling comes in.
00:20:09.620 --> 00:20:16.640 Mira Brancu: So as I started moving out of leadership roles and back into individual contributor roles
00:20:16.920 --> 00:20:21.190 Mira Brancu: as an independent business owner as a consultant right?
00:20:21.968 --> 00:20:24.159 Mira Brancu: As I've tracked more closely
00:20:25.240 --> 00:20:29.090 Mira Brancu: the kind of damage that can be done when we don't speak up
00:20:30.110 --> 00:20:41.069 Mira Brancu: as I've started, you know, being in a role where people are looking to me specifically to speak up about what I see happening and make recommendations.
00:20:42.070 --> 00:20:49.460 Mira Brancu: right? As I've noticed just in general in society, the damage done when we we don't speak up.
00:20:50.800 --> 00:20:54.289 Mira Brancu: I realized that, regardless of role.
00:20:55.060 --> 00:21:02.550 Mira Brancu: regardless of whether I'm in like an official position of leadership, authority, or power. My personal leadership
00:21:03.470 --> 00:21:05.860 Mira Brancu: isn't just about how well
00:21:06.120 --> 00:21:10.680 Mira Brancu: I can keep people calm. I'm very good at that, but it isn't just about that.
00:21:12.080 --> 00:21:19.359 Mira Brancu: It's also about how to tell when it's time to move from helping people stay calm.
00:21:20.950 --> 00:21:25.489 Mira Brancu: to spotting a problem before it turns into chaos.
00:21:25.760 --> 00:21:33.800 Mira Brancu: or when it's already stealthily unhealthy, right underground, unhealthy. But it's creeping up and
00:21:34.040 --> 00:21:39.040 Mira Brancu: speaking up when no one else can name the issue that I'm seeing.
00:21:39.760 --> 00:22:00.860 Mira Brancu: And you know, with the many experiences that I've had in leadership and consulting, and all the teams that I've worked with, and all the things that I've been able to see, and like the books that I've written on egregious and less egregious workplace politics, behavior. I'm better able to capture these things to see it
00:22:01.070 --> 00:22:06.679 Mira Brancu: well before anybody else. Right? So then, what do I do with that? If I see it, what do I do with that?
00:22:07.360 --> 00:22:15.190 Mira Brancu: Well, I will tell you that the new, this kind of like newfound perspective, that diplomacy isn't always
00:22:15.590 --> 00:22:25.470 Mira Brancu: healthy or working, that sometimes truth telling is helpful has led me to leave several unhealthy professional situations
00:22:25.600 --> 00:22:36.239 Mira Brancu: right? That I didn't think I could help that I didn't think was healthy for me, that I didn't think I could contribute in a way that was aligned with my values.
00:22:36.997 --> 00:22:40.569 Mira Brancu: It. It has led me to clearly express problems that
00:22:42.230 --> 00:22:44.259 Mira Brancu: you know, I was able to identify
00:22:44.400 --> 00:22:48.579 Mira Brancu: before leaving those situations rather than keeping my concerns to myself.
00:22:49.060 --> 00:22:51.640 Mira Brancu: I'm feeling like I have a responsibility to do so.
00:22:51.990 --> 00:22:57.149 Mira Brancu: It's helped me speak up in groups when I noticed unhealthy or unhealthful behaviors
00:22:57.960 --> 00:23:01.229 Mira Brancu: when nobody else was willing to speak about it.
00:23:02.330 --> 00:23:09.630 Mira Brancu: and it's also helped me support friends and colleagues in ways that balance care with honesty, and
00:23:09.860 --> 00:23:15.439 Mira Brancu: right now it feels critical to put up my hand every once in a while and say, Stop.
00:23:16.300 --> 00:23:17.510 Mira Brancu: what is this?
00:23:18.890 --> 00:23:25.219 Mira Brancu: What am I seeing. Here's what I'm seeing. This is not healthy. This is not helpful, it's harmful. And here's why.
00:23:25.440 --> 00:23:31.550 Mira Brancu: right? And I can do it in a calm, caring, supportive way. Just focus on facts.
00:23:31.860 --> 00:23:36.700 Mira Brancu: Because I also have the diplomacy side of me. Right? So
00:23:37.400 --> 00:23:43.799 Mira Brancu: in my experience, this is particularly important in 2 contrasting situations on teams. Okay?
00:23:45.360 --> 00:23:46.610 Mira Brancu: Situation one.
00:23:46.840 --> 00:23:52.129 Mira Brancu: Some teams exhibit overtly unhealthy behaviors
00:23:53.200 --> 00:24:01.070 Mira Brancu: and those overtly unhealthy behaviors include things like constant gossiping after meetings.
00:24:02.160 --> 00:24:09.230 Mira Brancu: blaming others without taking personal responsibility, steamrolling discussions.
00:24:10.000 --> 00:24:14.280 Mira Brancu: monopolizing conversations, to push personal agendas.
00:24:15.630 --> 00:24:18.479 Mira Brancu: Just today I was on.
00:24:18.730 --> 00:24:22.629 Mira Brancu: I was speaking to a group of leaders who were describing
00:24:22.890 --> 00:24:30.889 Mira Brancu: all of these sort of like experiences with Staff complaining publicly and piling on publicly when they didn't bring it up
00:24:31.230 --> 00:24:38.049 Mira Brancu: in individual meetings, and they had many chances to do so right shutting others down.
00:24:39.060 --> 00:24:40.819 Mira Brancu: Snarky group chats.
00:24:42.460 --> 00:24:48.349 Mira Brancu: All of that is overt, unhealthy behavior. Right? It's in your face.
00:24:49.860 --> 00:24:50.915 Mira Brancu: You
00:24:52.150 --> 00:25:00.830 Mira Brancu: know it. You smell it. You see it right like it, you know that is unhealthy, because it's right there in front of you, but that
00:25:01.530 --> 00:25:06.889 Mira Brancu: can still cause us to not know what to do about it.
00:25:07.500 --> 00:25:11.340 Mira Brancu: right? Because we're just like watching a train wreck happen in front of us.
00:25:11.730 --> 00:25:13.549 Mira Brancu: Now, situation number 2.
00:25:13.950 --> 00:25:27.570 Mira Brancu: Other teams display more subtle, insidious issues that make it hard to identify the underlying dissatisfaction it feels kind of underground. It feels like you're in this meeting
00:25:28.160 --> 00:25:40.190 Mira Brancu: and nobody's engaging. Why are they not engaging right? But they're like pleasant, and they're professional, right?
00:25:40.370 --> 00:25:43.799 Mira Brancu: But you you feel something a kind of attention.
00:25:44.460 --> 00:25:53.089 Mira Brancu: Patrick Lencioni, the author of the 5 dysfunctions of a team refers some of this to artificial harmony.
00:25:53.370 --> 00:25:59.379 Mira Brancu: Artificial harmony is a situation where healthy debate and disagreement are stifled
00:25:59.990 --> 00:26:03.229 Mira Brancu: by passive aggressive behaviors and diplomacy.
00:26:03.850 --> 00:26:09.869 Mira Brancu: all for the sake of avoiding difficult conversations. Right? And we also see stuff like
00:26:10.680 --> 00:26:14.459 Mira Brancu: passive, aggressive behavior where, like people undermine
00:26:15.000 --> 00:26:19.390 Mira Brancu: somebody, they go around somebody. They talk about them
00:26:21.210 --> 00:26:28.280 Mira Brancu: when they're not happy with them, sabotaging a project by dragging your feet, but never stating your concern.
00:26:29.880 --> 00:26:34.600 Mira Brancu: And I'm seeing this, these kind of behaviors, both of those situations
00:26:35.230 --> 00:26:38.109 Mira Brancu: more. Now, when people are under high stress.
00:26:38.740 --> 00:26:41.189 Mira Brancu: right when people are under high stress.
00:26:41.520 --> 00:26:48.900 Mira Brancu: fear of uncertainty, worry about your job or your livelihood. Feeling under threat.
00:26:49.070 --> 00:27:02.020 Mira Brancu: managing under chaos, can all lead to a desire to take control in any way possible, even in the most small, minute ways, but usually in ways that are not effective.
00:27:02.570 --> 00:27:05.569 Mira Brancu: and some of those ways are by pushing people away.
00:27:06.170 --> 00:27:14.850 Mira Brancu: Some are by arguing with them, some are by doing something perceived as undermining or passive, aggressive right?
00:27:15.060 --> 00:27:40.539 Mira Brancu: Because you don't feel safe speaking up directly. So of course it goes underground right? That makes perfect sense that if you're bothered by something you can't speak up, it's not safe to speak up. You're going to take it underground, and it's going to come out in different ways. So every behavior like this has a function, and right now is to try to take some tiny control over the fear and stress that we experience.
00:27:41.230 --> 00:27:43.990 Mira Brancu: So in both roles
00:27:44.710 --> 00:27:52.759 Mira Brancu: as a team member in various professional capacities and as a team development consultant, I've learned that most people don't realize they're doing this.
00:27:53.080 --> 00:28:01.659 Mira Brancu: and they don't understand why others choose to do this, and that makes it hard to address when you don't know what or why you're seeing something happening
00:28:01.990 --> 00:28:06.290 Mira Brancu: right? So I'm gonna get back to this in just a moment.
00:28:07.030 --> 00:28:14.080 Mira Brancu: You are listening to the hard skills with me. Dr. Mira Branku through Talkradio, dot Nyc.
00:28:14.290 --> 00:28:22.380 Mira Brancu: And you can say Hi, or ask any questions. If you're listening, live on Twitch or Twitter or Youtube or Linkedin.
00:28:22.540 --> 00:28:24.929 Mira Brancu: and we'll be right back in just a moment.
00:29:57.740 --> 00:30:20.240 Mira Brancu: Welcome. Welcome back to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Branco. Okay. So I've shared a little bit about my story with the diplomacy side. And then, you know some of my stories with the truth telling side and especially like with the kinds of teams that, and the kind of behaviors where people struggle a lot
00:30:20.360 --> 00:30:24.570 Mira Brancu: with unhealthy behaviors, and you have to sort of like, think about
00:30:25.400 --> 00:30:46.250 Mira Brancu: where on this continuum. And am I going to fall, you know. And am I gonna cause even more problems by speaking up? Can I be diplomatic and be honest with what I'm seeing? And I am seeing this, these behaviors more and more. Now, right where people are under high stress, and you kind of have to sort of decide like.
00:30:46.670 --> 00:30:49.559 Mira Brancu: how am I going to navigate this in a way that's helpful.
00:30:50.520 --> 00:31:06.070 Mira Brancu: Right? So I've learned how important it is to identify unspoken tensions, unhealthy interactions and avoidance behaviors like resistance
00:31:07.420 --> 00:31:11.370 Mira Brancu: control excessive risk mitigation.
00:31:12.280 --> 00:31:16.110 Mira Brancu: Right? What does that look like? Resistance can look like?
00:31:17.590 --> 00:31:22.570 Mira Brancu: Not being willing to do something that was asked of you.
00:31:22.830 --> 00:31:32.080 Mira Brancu: This could be your only mechanism, for feeling like you have some control over the situation.
00:31:34.090 --> 00:31:38.670 Mira Brancu: and yet it might be completely ineffective when you do it
00:31:39.160 --> 00:31:48.069 Mira Brancu: right with certain kinds of bosses control can look as small
00:31:48.280 --> 00:31:51.159 Mira Brancu: as I'm not going to show up on camera
00:31:51.510 --> 00:31:54.779 Mira Brancu: for this meeting, or I'm not even going to show up for this meeting
00:31:55.370 --> 00:32:03.940 Mira Brancu: because I can't handle this situation. So I'm gonna take control back over my time and not show up
00:32:04.470 --> 00:32:11.070 Mira Brancu: right? That was another thing that was talked about on this group call with with these leaders that I was talking with.
00:32:11.600 --> 00:32:15.920 Mira Brancu: You know, they're trying to understand. Like, why are people doing this? Well, it's control.
00:32:16.050 --> 00:32:17.739 Mira Brancu: or it could be resistance.
00:32:18.835 --> 00:32:20.919 Mira Brancu: Excessive risk mitigation.
00:32:22.540 --> 00:32:26.430 Mira Brancu: What that looks like is micromanagement
00:32:26.610 --> 00:32:46.670 Mira Brancu: right when you worry about being judged making the wrong move. Maybe you already have some perfectionistic tendencies. Maybe you worry that if you don't have full control over a situation that you're going to be blamed for something, and especially right now, where people are being fired for no reason
00:32:46.790 --> 00:32:53.620 Mira Brancu: or what they're calling it rift. But you know what I mean. Right. You're going to end up
00:32:53.820 --> 00:33:02.950 Mira Brancu: if you have those tendencies to micromanage, and it's going to push your people away even more or another sort of like excessive risk. Mitigation is
00:33:03.610 --> 00:33:05.720 Mira Brancu: delaying decision making.
00:33:06.220 --> 00:33:18.609 Mira Brancu: It's putting it off, putting it off, putting it off. Because if you don't make it, then there's less risk, although, of course, as we know that it actually increases risk in some situations when you delay those decision making situations
00:33:19.630 --> 00:33:26.789 Mira Brancu: so like, I mentioned, these behaviors usually stem from real fears concerning safety security
00:33:27.320 --> 00:33:32.009 Mira Brancu: change that you don't want that you don't like. That's unwanted or uncertainty.
00:33:32.610 --> 00:33:41.370 Mira Brancu: and unless we name these issues, we cannot assist people in resetting their reactive patterns.
00:33:41.540 --> 00:33:48.339 Mira Brancu: This is where truth telling comes in in a way that's useful and helpful. Right? If we can name it.
00:33:49.090 --> 00:33:53.100 Mira Brancu: we can help reset reactive patterns.
00:33:55.454 --> 00:33:59.750 Mira Brancu: I remember a colleague once using the acronym, think.
00:33:59.940 --> 00:34:02.330 Mira Brancu: and I don't. I honestly don't remember
00:34:02.530 --> 00:34:07.169 Mira Brancu: if I got all of this right. But when you choose
00:34:07.360 --> 00:34:10.089 Mira Brancu: to share something as a truth teller
00:34:10.929 --> 00:34:15.719 Mira Brancu: asking your yourself, think THIN K. Is it true?
00:34:16.840 --> 00:34:18.500 Mira Brancu: Is it helpful?
00:34:19.070 --> 00:34:21.229 Mira Brancu: Is it important right now?
00:34:21.670 --> 00:34:25.710 Mira Brancu: Is it needed right now? And is it kind?
00:34:26.940 --> 00:34:34.580 Mira Brancu: That's a beautiful way to think about finding that balance between truth telling and diplomacy?
00:34:34.840 --> 00:34:40.320 Mira Brancu: Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it important? Is it needed, or is it kind?
00:34:41.290 --> 00:34:42.130 Mira Brancu: Right?
00:34:42.719 --> 00:34:46.439 Mira Brancu: So you've got truth telling on one end
00:34:46.949 --> 00:34:53.490 Mira Brancu: where you really can get carried away calling everybody's bad behaviors out.
00:34:53.739 --> 00:35:03.319 Mira Brancu: and that isn't always helpful or well received. Sometimes it's important, but it's not always helpful or well received, especially if you do it all the time, and you're
00:35:03.470 --> 00:35:05.940 Mira Brancu: literally doing it to call people out.
00:35:06.480 --> 00:35:08.800 Mira Brancu: That isn't always helpful or needed.
00:35:10.300 --> 00:35:14.140 Mira Brancu: and you've got diplomacy on the other end, where you might
00:35:14.420 --> 00:35:17.899 Mira Brancu: envelop the truth in such a gentle way
00:35:18.500 --> 00:35:29.579 Mira Brancu: that it's hard to even find, and problems may or may not get addressed, because you've hidden that little Easter egg so well in your beautifully worded diplomatic way.
00:35:30.140 --> 00:35:30.990 Mira Brancu: right?
00:35:31.690 --> 00:35:39.729 Mira Brancu: And so, finding your right balance in different situations.
00:35:40.170 --> 00:35:42.800 Mira Brancu: will help you become a stronger leader.
00:35:42.970 --> 00:35:46.599 Mira Brancu: pointing out concerns when they need to be pointed out
00:35:46.730 --> 00:35:55.729 Mira Brancu: and doing it in a way that is well received. That points out the specifics of the facts.
00:35:56.745 --> 00:36:06.060 Mira Brancu: Without the kind of emotional disruption that
00:36:06.580 --> 00:36:10.329 Mira Brancu: calling out all the time may create.
00:36:10.980 --> 00:36:18.389 Mira Brancu: So obviously the ideal is to combine truth telling with diplomacy right? So that concerns are truly heard.
00:36:18.730 --> 00:36:26.020 Mira Brancu: It is not easy. It takes a lot of practice, and I've thought about like, what does it take to get there.
00:36:26.430 --> 00:36:31.770 Mira Brancu: And I've come up with a few ways to get there.
00:36:32.960 --> 00:36:34.070 Mira Brancu: Number one.
00:36:34.960 --> 00:36:38.619 Mira Brancu: I know you're gonna not be surprised when I say this self awareness.
00:36:39.720 --> 00:36:43.269 Mira Brancu: being self aware enough to know when you're
00:36:43.810 --> 00:36:51.140 Mira Brancu: emotionally dysregulated and not ready to share and
00:36:51.260 --> 00:37:00.319 Mira Brancu: not able to share in a way that's useful to other people right? Being self aware to know what's important to you.
00:37:01.880 --> 00:37:08.429 Mira Brancu: What drives you crazy, what your pet peeves are, where your powerful strengths are
00:37:08.610 --> 00:37:13.690 Mira Brancu: all of that can help you show up in a way that is intended right
00:37:13.850 --> 00:37:17.299 Mira Brancu: where the impact matches the intent.
00:37:19.140 --> 00:37:20.210 Mira Brancu: Number 2.
00:37:21.050 --> 00:37:24.619 Mira Brancu: Clarity on your values and goals for the discussion.
00:37:24.840 --> 00:37:30.629 Mira Brancu: I've mentioned this in another show episode. But how do you want to show up? And
00:37:30.820 --> 00:37:36.249 Mira Brancu: in most cases my go-tos are being clear, kind, candid, and powerful.
00:37:36.840 --> 00:37:41.719 Mira Brancu: and I actually have an image in my head of what that looks like for me
00:37:42.020 --> 00:37:45.170 Mira Brancu: when I'm being clear, kind, candid, and powerful.
00:37:45.930 --> 00:37:47.709 Mira Brancu: And so, before I chime in
00:37:48.280 --> 00:37:51.160 Mira Brancu: with any of my opinions, I think to myself.
00:37:52.400 --> 00:37:54.219 Mira Brancu: how do I show up like that
00:37:54.370 --> 00:38:00.330 Mira Brancu: and help others? What is the big picture here that isn't about me
00:38:01.200 --> 00:38:05.510 Mira Brancu: and could help everyone here. That's also diplomacy.
00:38:06.160 --> 00:38:10.629 Mira Brancu: It's being able to take back. Step back, take the big picture
00:38:11.720 --> 00:38:14.300 Mira Brancu: and think, what can I say here
00:38:15.190 --> 00:38:20.110 Mira Brancu: that supports a shared view or concern.
00:38:20.450 --> 00:38:28.750 Mira Brancu: or something that's helpful to all, instead of just to me or to one individual, so
00:38:28.980 --> 00:38:31.350 Mira Brancu: clarity on your values and your goals for the discussion.
00:38:31.800 --> 00:38:32.910 Mira Brancu: Number 3.
00:38:33.730 --> 00:38:36.700 Mira Brancu: Obviously the courage to speak truth to power
00:38:36.970 --> 00:38:39.829 Mira Brancu: is another skill set in this.
00:38:40.260 --> 00:38:43.510 Mira Brancu: This is really really hard. At least it has been for me.
00:38:45.390 --> 00:38:53.430 Mira Brancu: It's not hard for me to be honest and truthful
00:38:53.800 --> 00:38:59.700 Mira Brancu: with people in positions of power. If I feel safe.
00:38:59.990 --> 00:39:02.080 Mira Brancu: or that they value my opinion.
00:39:02.450 --> 00:39:12.320 Mira Brancu: it's obviously very hard. If I've felt questioned, undermined, invalidated, dismissed, then it's really hard right.
00:39:14.530 --> 00:39:20.590 Mira Brancu: A 4th skill is the ability to manage or sit with discomfort. If you're gonna bring something up.
00:39:20.800 --> 00:39:23.649 Mira Brancu: people will not be happy with you necessarily.
00:39:23.830 --> 00:39:26.620 Mira Brancu: and they're going to want you to take it back.
00:39:27.460 --> 00:39:29.880 Mira Brancu: They're gonna want it. They're gonna want you to take it back.
00:39:30.060 --> 00:39:35.959 Mira Brancu: And they're going to do things to make you take it back
00:39:36.900 --> 00:39:47.149 Mira Brancu: right? They might dismiss it. They might invalidate. They might gaslight you to to make sure that, like you, you know, can take it back.
00:39:47.430 --> 00:39:51.284 Mira Brancu: They might question you. They might challenge you. They might
00:39:51.840 --> 00:39:59.040 Mira Brancu: you know. Argue with you about your, you know. Comment right? And so
00:39:59.910 --> 00:40:10.689 Mira Brancu: practicing, managing, and sitting with discomfort so that you're ready for that to happen will help you be better able to just not worry about that when you're ready to say something
00:40:12.390 --> 00:40:14.030 Mira Brancu: or just manage it better. Right?
00:40:17.480 --> 00:40:27.690 Mira Brancu: Number. What number am I? 5? Number 5, knowing when might be better timing to?
00:40:28.890 --> 00:40:33.030 Mira Brancu: Speak up, being able to track.
00:40:33.450 --> 00:40:39.799 Mira Brancu: Will this be received? Well, at this moment, in time given where the discussion is going.
00:40:40.010 --> 00:40:45.570 Mira Brancu: takes an incredible amount of keen
00:40:45.860 --> 00:40:52.830 Mira Brancu: I for unspoken behaviors, non verbals, things like that.
00:40:53.330 --> 00:41:04.750 Mira Brancu: And if you could sense too much tension, and people are exhausted and people have started to shut down. It's probably not the right time to bring something up.
00:41:04.890 --> 00:41:07.390 Mira Brancu: They're they don't have the energy to take it in
00:41:07.510 --> 00:41:13.459 Mira Brancu: right. If people are sort of like leaning in engaged having a more productive conversation. It could be the right time.
00:41:16.130 --> 00:41:21.289 Mira Brancu: and I know that some people might argue with me about that one. Some people have argued with me about that. One
00:41:21.470 --> 00:41:22.690 Mira Brancu: is the timing.
00:41:22.930 --> 00:41:32.420 Mira Brancu: I'm a big proponent of finding the right timing will be better received than the wrong timing. Some people feel like it's there's never a good time. You might as well just bring it up.
00:41:34.370 --> 00:41:40.870 Mira Brancu: The final 6th idea, or like skill set is strong emotion, regulation.
00:41:42.410 --> 00:41:46.219 Mira Brancu: strong emotion, regulation and self-awareness do go hand in hand.
00:41:48.120 --> 00:41:52.300 Mira Brancu: But it's basically like, Am I entering this space, all fired up.
00:41:53.540 --> 00:42:08.550 Mira Brancu: and in that case, can I wait a day to think about what I want to say? Because I'm dysregulated right now. I'm not at my best. I'm gonna fly off the handle. I'm gonna lose my shit right. I'm not in a good headspace for this. So knowing when you're not in a good headspace.
00:42:08.750 --> 00:42:13.030 Mira Brancu: and how to get there right and how to rebalance yourself
00:42:13.380 --> 00:42:17.489 Mira Brancu: is a critical skill. So I'm going to repeat these 6 back to you.
00:42:18.810 --> 00:42:23.019 Mira Brancu: Self-awareness clarity on your values and goals for the discussion.
00:42:23.280 --> 00:42:25.820 Mira Brancu: the courage to speak truth to power.
00:42:26.150 --> 00:42:29.060 Mira Brancu: the ability to manage or sit with discomfort.
00:42:29.700 --> 00:42:35.200 Mira Brancu: knowing when might be better timing and strong emotion regulation.
00:42:35.890 --> 00:42:49.190 Mira Brancu: There's probably more, and if you have more ideas, I'd be very interested to know what else you would add to this list to make you a very powerful truth teller with diplomacy, kind of person.
00:42:50.230 --> 00:42:55.339 Mira Brancu: and of course, going back to the think.
00:42:55.851 --> 00:43:00.719 Mira Brancu: Acronym right? Is it true? Is it helpful. Is it important? Is it needed as a kind always going back to that?
00:43:01.930 --> 00:43:05.300 Mira Brancu: So we're reaching an ad break.
00:43:05.450 --> 00:43:17.019 Mira Brancu: and when we come back I'm going to pull all of this together and offer some ideas for how to lean in tactically with like, what does it sound like
00:43:17.180 --> 00:43:26.380 Mira Brancu: when you're combining truth telling with diplomacy in the moment you're listening to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Branku, and we'll be right back in just a moment.
00:45:11.540 --> 00:45:15.469 Mira Brancu: Welcome. Welcome back to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Branco.
00:45:16.090 --> 00:45:29.730 Mira Brancu: So we've talked about what it looks like on one end of the spectrum with truth telling on the other end of the spectrum, with diplomacy, and what kind of skills it takes to be able to kind of balance them.
00:45:30.320 --> 00:45:45.609 Mira Brancu: And in what kind of situations you would need something like this? Right? So now, I just wanna sort of share some ideas for tactical ways to start practicing this in your everyday life. Okay.
00:45:46.910 --> 00:45:56.419 Mira Brancu: the 1st is focus on the purpose and not the emotion.
00:45:57.220 --> 00:46:03.450 Mira Brancu: So asking yourself, Okay, if I'm frustrated and I'm angry in the situation.
00:46:03.940 --> 00:46:08.549 Mira Brancu: That's fine. But what outcome do I want from sharing this?
00:46:09.190 --> 00:46:16.110 Mira Brancu: Right? It it can't just be venting, venting.
00:46:16.500 --> 00:46:20.540 Mira Brancu: I'm so frustrated. And this all happened, and etc, etc.
00:46:20.700 --> 00:46:29.930 Mira Brancu: That is just communicating how you feel from a raw place, and it means you might need a little bit more time to clarify
00:46:30.290 --> 00:46:40.070 Mira Brancu: what it is you want to improve or gain more perspective or clarity around, or fix
00:46:40.240 --> 00:46:43.149 Mira Brancu: that is bothering you. That is causing you to feel that way
00:46:43.860 --> 00:46:46.130 Mira Brancu: right? What is the purpose of the discussion
00:46:46.370 --> 00:46:49.659 Mira Brancu: so leading with purpose, not emotion.
00:46:51.960 --> 00:46:57.890 Mira Brancu: The second is separating out what is truth from judgment.
00:46:58.360 --> 00:47:03.890 Mira Brancu: Now, I know this is kind of a sensitive subject right now, what is truth?
00:47:04.270 --> 00:47:12.600 Mira Brancu: Is a big question on a lot of people's mind right now, because the truth is starting to be distort, distorted to such a degree
00:47:12.900 --> 00:47:16.723 Mira Brancu: that it's hard to tell. Sometimes. Right?
00:47:17.510 --> 00:47:24.160 Mira Brancu: we see that in the media right now, are they telling the truth, or are they rendering a judgment? Or is that an opinion?
00:47:24.630 --> 00:47:32.340 Mira Brancu: And that's actually why it's critical to learn how to separate these out for yourself
00:47:32.920 --> 00:47:35.000 Mira Brancu: and not be sort of like
00:47:35.360 --> 00:47:43.749 Mira Brancu: drawn into the allure of judgment. Humans are constantly drawn into the allure of judgment. That's not helpful.
00:47:44.070 --> 00:47:47.430 Mira Brancu: So sticking to the facts, the observation.
00:47:47.740 --> 00:47:51.109 Mira Brancu: what you're seeing, what the impact is. Right?
00:47:51.650 --> 00:47:55.940 Mira Brancu: So saying, Hey, I noticed
00:47:56.210 --> 00:48:01.119 Mira Brancu: that we were missing 2 critical deadlines last month
00:48:01.540 --> 00:48:07.150 Mira Brancu: which impacted the client relationship. And I'm wondering what's happening
00:48:08.130 --> 00:48:19.239 Mira Brancu: right? A judgment would be you're completely inconsistent. You're completely unreliable. You're not following through. And you know you're just not trustworthy.
00:48:19.610 --> 00:48:21.019 Mira Brancu: That's a judgment.
00:48:22.080 --> 00:48:25.550 Mira Brancu: So, stepping back into, what am I seeing?
00:48:25.800 --> 00:48:29.389 Mira Brancu: Can I share that with this person and just get information.
00:48:31.260 --> 00:48:32.870 Mira Brancu: Number 3.
00:48:33.380 --> 00:48:37.629 Mira Brancu: Name, what is important?
00:48:38.800 --> 00:48:41.020 Mira Brancu: That makes you bring this up right now?
00:48:42.570 --> 00:48:45.080 Mira Brancu: Right? Name, what's important
00:48:45.660 --> 00:48:54.329 Mira Brancu: that makes you bring this up right now, but do it in a respectful way. So diplomacy doesn't mean softening reality. It means just framing it in a way that the other person can hear it.
00:48:54.910 --> 00:48:56.959 Mira Brancu: which is the entire point of it. Right?
00:48:57.180 --> 00:48:58.320 Mira Brancu: So saying, like.
00:48:58.700 --> 00:49:07.899 Mira Brancu: I want to share something that might be hard to hear. But it's so important right now, because it's having such an impact on
00:49:08.480 --> 00:49:09.730 Mira Brancu: how we were working.
00:49:11.430 --> 00:49:16.430 Mira Brancu: That's why it's important, right? So if you think back to the think?
00:49:16.760 --> 00:49:22.990 Mira Brancu: Thii is. Is it important? Right? Why is it important?
00:49:23.920 --> 00:49:25.410 Mira Brancu: What are the stakes?
00:49:27.120 --> 00:49:30.090 Mira Brancu: Number 4. Use empathy as a bridge?
00:49:31.400 --> 00:49:32.340 Mira Brancu: I.
00:49:32.800 --> 00:49:37.679 Mira Brancu: This is probably my favorite one. Honestly, I should have started with this one is
00:49:39.280 --> 00:49:42.570 Mira Brancu: trying to put yourself in the shoes of that leader
00:49:42.760 --> 00:49:50.549 Mira Brancu: or that person, and understand why they might do the things that they do or what they might, they might be experiencing.
00:49:51.060 --> 00:49:54.010 Mira Brancu: So I'm always looking for that
00:49:54.210 --> 00:49:56.580 Mira Brancu: little nugget where I can say.
00:49:57.360 --> 00:50:03.260 Mira Brancu: I can see how much effort that you've put into this. I can see how hard
00:50:03.410 --> 00:50:08.250 Mira Brancu: this work is, and I really appreciate
00:50:08.360 --> 00:50:13.510 Mira Brancu: the amount of effort that you put into this, or I imagine
00:50:13.840 --> 00:50:18.490 Mira Brancu: how frustrating this might be for you to hear all of these people in this room
00:50:18.830 --> 00:50:24.160 Mira Brancu: sort of just like feels. It feels like they're just complaining. They're just complaining, complaining. And
00:50:24.380 --> 00:50:32.730 Mira Brancu: you've heard so much feedback. And you've tried to implement all of these things based on the feedback. And this must be really frustrating. I can completely understand that
00:50:33.250 --> 00:50:35.760 Mira Brancu: that helps people
00:50:36.180 --> 00:50:43.129 Mira Brancu: lose some of their defensiveness and be willing to hear because they're they're seeing that you're trying to make an effort to understand their perspective.
00:50:44.730 --> 00:50:51.600 Mira Brancu: And number 5 practice clarifying right? Reflect back what you see.
00:50:52.830 --> 00:50:57.020 Mira Brancu: Not in a way that adds judgment. Again, do not add judgment.
00:50:57.610 --> 00:51:04.500 Mira Brancu: Do not make people feel guilty or ashamed, you know, but in a way that, just like reveals what you see.
00:51:04.890 --> 00:51:08.770 Mira Brancu: Now again, this takes some time to take a step back
00:51:10.730 --> 00:51:16.770 Mira Brancu: in order to identify the pattern. In the 1st place. So being able to say, like, here's a pattern, I've noticed.
00:51:17.690 --> 00:51:20.170 Mira Brancu: and I'm wondering what's behind it.
00:51:20.780 --> 00:51:23.830 Mira Brancu: So, for example, at this one team retreat I was at.
00:51:25.240 --> 00:51:30.339 Mira Brancu: we were doing several exercises in trust, building one after the other, one after the other.
00:51:30.570 --> 00:51:36.770 Mira Brancu: and every time it hit this one person, she would say, pass at the 3rd pass.
00:51:37.570 --> 00:51:45.240 Mira Brancu: I just said, I've noticed you passed 3 times what's happening.
00:51:45.600 --> 00:51:50.880 Mira Brancu: All your other colleagues are contributing. But you've passed what's happening
00:51:51.380 --> 00:51:55.790 Mira Brancu: right? I'm just trying to clarify, because I'm not sure what's happening for that person.
00:51:57.930 --> 00:52:08.950 Mira Brancu: So you can think about those 5 right lead with purpose, not emotion, separate truth from judgment, name
00:52:09.060 --> 00:52:16.120 Mira Brancu: the importance of the situation, use empathy as a bridge, and practice clarifying.
00:52:18.780 --> 00:52:28.290 Mira Brancu: and if I could sort of like recap the whole thing, it would be starting a sentence with either
00:52:29.510 --> 00:52:38.399 Mira Brancu: an empathy statement. I can. I can definitely see how frustrating this is, and I really appreciate your willingness to engage in this conversation and then going into it right?
00:52:43.010 --> 00:52:47.950 Mira Brancu: Commenting on what you are seeing happening in front of you by 1st stating something like
00:52:48.540 --> 00:52:54.720 Mira Brancu: I've been sitting with something that I've been noticing that I think is important to surface.
00:52:55.490 --> 00:53:02.440 Mira Brancu: And I'm not sure how to approach this. But I'm gonna just share what I'm seeing right? So you're using the importance element.
00:53:02.600 --> 00:53:08.640 Mira Brancu: and you're helping people enter into slowly. Enter into an important conversation, right?
00:53:09.210 --> 00:53:17.150 Mira Brancu: Or offering the pattern, but asking if you could offer the pattern asking permission.
00:53:17.310 --> 00:53:19.300 Mira Brancu: Can I offer a perspective that
00:53:19.840 --> 00:53:25.399 Mira Brancu: might not necessarily be comfortable to talk about? But I think it's important for us to talk about, because
00:53:26.920 --> 00:53:27.950 Mira Brancu: we keep
00:53:28.850 --> 00:53:34.790 Mira Brancu: going through the same pattern. And it's getting us to the point where we're not functioning as an effective team.
00:53:36.570 --> 00:53:43.740 Mira Brancu: Or I'd like to share. I want to point out something that like I keep seeing right.
00:53:44.050 --> 00:53:55.599 Mira Brancu: So that's a way to start entering into that kind of conversation. Now I realize these are all hard skills. That's why I have this show. These are really some of the hardest skills to develop
00:53:56.250 --> 00:54:04.670 Mira Brancu: the truth. Telling and diplomacy spectrum are very hard skills to develop, and especially
00:54:04.950 --> 00:54:09.450 Mira Brancu: without having solid support system. A coach, a therapist.
00:54:09.550 --> 00:54:14.989 Mira Brancu: somebody like that, who could help you work through the barriers that you're bringing to a situation and the goals that you're facing.
00:54:15.330 --> 00:54:17.120 Mira Brancu: And, you know, aiming for.
00:54:17.520 --> 00:54:22.210 Mira Brancu: So if you happen to be looking for that kind of additional
00:54:22.440 --> 00:54:28.000 Mira Brancu: leadership support through coaching through team development, through consultation, reach out and let's chat
00:54:29.170 --> 00:54:39.639 Mira Brancu: all your leaders out there are facing the same things. I keep hearing it over and over, so I know that you might need some help right? And if you're looking for that reach out to me.
00:54:39.880 --> 00:54:53.539 Mira Brancu: if you're looking for more of like a community experience. Right? You, you're looking for a network. Other peers, a kind of leadership learning program and community to help you with these skills. I want you to also consider applying to the Towers Scope Leadership Academy.
00:54:54.480 --> 00:54:57.810 Mira Brancu: We're going to be opening up a new cohort in the fall.
00:54:58.000 --> 00:55:06.789 Mira Brancu: and the program includes small peer groups, accountability partnerships, a research-based curriculum, live coaching sessions, workshops.
00:55:07.270 --> 00:55:19.319 Mira Brancu: and a platform for a private community where people can continuously learn and experiment in a noncompetitive and non-judgmental setting. So I strongly recommend that
00:55:19.520 --> 00:55:23.480 Mira Brancu: if you're interested and the way to reach us
00:55:24.062 --> 00:55:33.649 Mira Brancu: whether you want to work with me directly in team development and leadership coaching or the Leadership Academy is by going to Www. Dot, go towerscope.com.
00:55:34.300 --> 00:55:36.930 Mira Brancu: and there you can click on
00:55:37.542 --> 00:55:44.310 Mira Brancu: you know, setting up a free consultation, or you can start reading up on any of the services that I offer.
00:55:45.130 --> 00:55:46.820 Mira Brancu: Okay, so
00:55:47.300 --> 00:56:16.258 Mira Brancu: if you want to keep learning and growing with me. You can continue listening to the hard skills. You can look me up right. I'm a leadership coaching and consulting psychologist, associate, professor, a psychology today, columnist and author of the Millennials Guide to Workplace politics and the workbook. So you could also look up the workbook. And I had my own leadership career before transitioning to helping teams and high achieving folks navigate their leadership complexities. So
00:56:16.890 --> 00:56:18.439 Mira Brancu: I've been in your shoes.
00:56:18.830 --> 00:56:24.579 Mira Brancu: and I've worked with hundreds, if not thousands, of leaders and teams that have been in your shoes.
00:56:25.000 --> 00:56:29.990 Mira Brancu: I especially love to work with organizational misfits and with
00:56:30.440 --> 00:56:35.249 Mira Brancu: socially conscious growth, oriented high achieving folks in disrupted industries.
00:56:36.170 --> 00:56:41.920 Mira Brancu: Like academia stem tech research healthcare
00:56:43.770 --> 00:56:47.630 Mira Brancu: to learn more about us again. Go to gotowerscope.com.
00:56:47.910 --> 00:57:12.910 Mira Brancu: and you could also subscribe to the newsletter to keep track of everything right. So in addition to being a live show, we're on the hard skills, is on itunes, sorry apple podcasts and spotify and Amazon, go subscribe to the podcast leave a review and share it with others, to help our visibility, reach and impact. Thank you to talkradio dot Nyc. For hosting together we will navigate the complexities of leadership, and emerge stronger on the other side
00:57:13.310 --> 00:57:19.260 Mira Brancu: until next time. Stay, steady, stay, present, and keep building those hard skills.
Talking Alternative Broadcasting
392 Central Park West Suite 17R - New York, NY 10025
Privacy Policy · Terms & Conditions
Thank You for Visiting TALKRADIO.NYC © 2022.
