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EPISODE SUMMARY:
What are the common elements required to lead when you work with global or international teams?
Because leadership is a social construct, it is influenced by social norms that drive how we define what a leader is, what characteristics we expect of them, and how we expect them to appear. However, there is one common element: all leaders must create a thriving environment for employees and by nature, there are some common elements across cultures that humans have. If you understand those, you can serve as a leader across many cultures. What are some essential human skills of leading across cultures? Why are human aspects important in the workplace and particularly in leadership? We'll explore these and more with our guest on this episode.
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ABOUT OUR GUEST:
Thomas Gelmi has been a trusted advisor to leaders and their teams for more than two decades. His programs, which have attracted roughly 10,000 participants from nearly 90 countries, reflect his adaptability and appeal across cultures and industries. Thomas works in four languages and his clients range from global corporations to SMEs and private individuals worldwide. Thomas draws on an extraordinary biography with exciting milestones, such as his many years as a Maître de Cabine, leading cabin crew at Swissair, and eight years as operations manager of an international leadership development company. In addition to his extensive professional experience, he also gathered years of experience as a trained caregiver, providing psychological assistance to victims in crises, accidents, and other extreme situations. Since 2020, Thomas Gelmi has been a member of the prestigious Forbes Coach Council, an invitation-only
community of leading business coaches whose members are selected based on their extensive and diverse experience. He is a long-term member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF), whose values and quality standards guide his work. Thomas Gelmi lives near Zurich, Switzerland.
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LINKS MENTIONED IN EPISODE:
www.gotowerscope.com
https://gelmi.coach/en/who-is-thomas-gelmi
#GlobalLeadership #InternationalLeadership #TheHardSkills
Tune in for this empowering conversation at TalkRadio.nyc
On this episode of The Hard Skills, Dr. Mira Brancu speaks with executive coach Thomas Gelmi about the deep importance of interpersonal and emotional intelligence in high-stakes leadership environments. Drawing from his time as a purser at Swissair, Thomas illustrates how conflict management, empathy, and self-regulation are vital when working with diverse teams under pressure—skills often dismissed as “soft,” but essential in both aviation and business leadership. He explains that while these competencies may seem like common sense, they must be practiced intentionally, especially across cultures and in high-stress workplaces.
Dr. Mira Brancu and guest Thomas Gelmi explore how emotional intelligence and psychological safety form the foundation for effective leadership across all cultures. While the emotional needs of employees are universal—such as trust, respect, and belonging—Gelmi emphasizes that the leadership behaviors that create these climates can differ significantly across cultural contexts. Together, they underline that creating high-performing, resilient teams requires intentional inner work from leaders, including self-awareness, self-regulation, and the courage to lead with empathy rather than fear.
Thomas Gelmi explains how key leadership behaviors must adapt to cultural contexts, highlighting differences in communication style, individualism vs. collectivism, and power distance across global regions. He emphasizes that effective leaders must be self-aware and willing to stretch beyond their defaults—whether that means becoming more directive or more empathetic—to meet the needs of their teams. Gelmi and Dr. Mira Brancu also stress that meaningful leadership transformation begins with awareness, humility, and the curiosity to grow, even for those already seen as successful.
In this closing segment, Thomas Gelmi identifies the biggest cross-cultural leadership challenge as the assumption that “different means wrong,” urging leaders to embrace diversity as a source of enrichment, not conflict. He emphasizes that creating inclusive, high-performing teams begins with awareness—of cultural nuances, behavioral triggers, and communication styles—and suggests practical steps like co-creating team norms. Mira Brancu reinforces the call to action, encouraging listeners to reflect, grow through self-awareness, and implement one change this week that fosters understanding and inclusion.
00:00:33.490 --> 00:00:52.670 Mira Brancu: Welcome. Welcome back to the hard skills show where we take a deep dive into the most challenging soft skills required to navigate leadership, uncertainty, complexities and change today and into the future. I'm your host, Dr. Mira Branku, psychologist, leadership consultant and founder of towerscope.
00:00:52.860 --> 00:01:21.909 Mira Brancu: Now, when you're leading global or international teams. Some of the things that I personally wonder about is what are some essential human skills of leading across cultures, you know? Are there some human aspects that are important in any workplace are there differences. And especially if you're going to lead different people across different cultures, we're going to explore these and more with our guest on this episode. So let me introduce him.
00:01:22.330 --> 00:01:34.019 Mira Brancu: Thomas Gelmy is an executive coach, who has advised leaders and teams for over 20 years, reaching 10,000 participants, participants across 90 countries
00:01:34.210 --> 00:01:57.689 Mira Brancu: working in 4 languages. His clients include global corporations, subject matter, experts and individuals worldwide. His varied background includes serving as a maitre de cabin at Swiss air as a operations director, at an International Leadership Development Company and as a trained caregiver for crisis victims.
00:01:57.790 --> 00:02:05.159 Mira Brancu: He's a member of the Forbes Coach Council, and resides near Zurich, Switzerland. So welcome to the show. Thomas.
00:02:06.170 --> 00:02:09.219 Thomas Gelmi: Thank you very much for having me as a guest. My pleasure.
00:02:09.220 --> 00:02:15.760 Mira Brancu: Absolutely great to have you. And are you in Switzerland right now? As yes, yeah, yes.
00:02:15.760 --> 00:02:25.620 Thomas Gelmi: I am, and spring is coming, so everybody is happy, and the days are getting longer and warmer, and the sun is out. So all good. Yeah.
00:02:25.620 --> 00:02:41.100 Mira Brancu: Sounds amazing sounds amazing. Well, let's start with your career. I was very intrigued by the one of your experiences as a mentor de cabin at Swiss air for those of you who don't know for for our audience what is that?
00:02:41.460 --> 00:02:42.910 Mira Brancu: Roll entail.
00:02:43.030 --> 00:02:56.699 Thomas Gelmi: Well in most airlines across the globe. The function is called purser or in flight manager, cabin crew manager right at Swissair. It's called metro de cabin.
00:02:57.620 --> 00:03:19.389 Thomas Gelmi: it's basically the person who leads cabin crew on board aircrafts so responsible for everything that happens behind the cockpit door, the flight deck responsible for everything that happens in front of the cockpit door and the entire flight, of course, passenger safety, but also service quality.
00:03:19.400 --> 00:03:35.799 Thomas Gelmi: What most passengers are more aware of right, but mainly passenger safety. It's yeah, it's a leadership role. And I learned a lot during that time that I still use that I still benefit from
00:03:35.850 --> 00:03:38.869 Thomas Gelmi: in my day in my daily work today. Yeah.
00:03:38.870 --> 00:03:54.399 Mira Brancu: I bet I bet it's such an interesting, interesting role. I didn't know about it. I personally had to look it up. I googled it before we chatted, so I knew where you were going to go with purser, but I would never have known had I not googled it. I would love to hear more about
00:03:54.780 --> 00:04:06.410 Mira Brancu: 1st of all, how did you get into that kind of role? That's such an interesting experience. And then also, what did you learn that can apply to some of the things that we're going to be talking about today?
00:04:07.110 --> 00:04:21.260 Thomas Gelmi: Okay, so how did I get into becoming a flight attendant for an airline? Because that was the starting point that was in my mid twenties when I was in a phase of not really knowing
00:04:21.350 --> 00:04:42.179 Thomas Gelmi: what to do with my life. Honestly. So I was job hopping, trying out things, always looking for the one thing that is a perfect match for me, for my profile, for my competencies, what I can bring to any job right. And it was the 1st time that I really felt like
00:04:42.190 --> 00:04:54.589 Thomas Gelmi: arriving. Oh, wow! I can use my language skills. I can use my people skills, my interest in traveling, in cultures and exploring the world, etc. And also my
00:04:55.820 --> 00:05:03.260 Thomas Gelmi: let's say, talent for serving right or the interest of serving others.
00:05:03.890 --> 00:05:10.040 Thomas Gelmi: And so I started as a flight attendant, and then worked my way up and became a metro to come in or a purser.
00:05:10.210 --> 00:05:18.069 Thomas Gelmi: And what did I learn that is still beneficial for me today and for my clients, of course. Well, you see.
00:05:18.220 --> 00:05:22.020 Thomas Gelmi: you're in a narrow tube in a confined space
00:05:22.280 --> 00:05:27.780 Thomas Gelmi: high up in the sky, with, let's say, 300 people depending on aircraft size.
00:05:28.750 --> 00:05:36.380 Thomas Gelmi: And you have 3 things happening in that confined space simultaneously. You have
00:05:36.610 --> 00:05:47.709 Thomas Gelmi: customer contact customer interaction. Right? You have teamwork teams working in various sections of the plane together. And you have leadership.
00:05:48.860 --> 00:06:15.529 Thomas Gelmi: So one person or multiple people leading or having a leading role in that system right? And all of that is happening in a very tight, narrow space in an unusual situation for most people. Still, many people, even though air travel has become a commodity, are still somewhat nervous when boarding plane or flying plane
00:06:16.020 --> 00:06:22.509 Thomas Gelmi: plus when so many people are together, problems will arise.
00:06:22.670 --> 00:06:39.899 Thomas Gelmi: you know. Sooner or later tension will happen, conflicts may happen, irritations may happen, friction may happen, and so a main task of cabin crew is also to recognize, anticipate these things
00:06:40.200 --> 00:06:45.119 Thomas Gelmi: and intervene in a de-escalating manner.
00:06:46.150 --> 00:06:50.979 Thomas Gelmi: Because you cannot call for outside help.
00:06:51.470 --> 00:06:52.809 Thomas Gelmi: The police won't come.
00:06:53.970 --> 00:07:06.260 Thomas Gelmi: You. You have to solve the issues on the spot as early as possible as quickly as possible, and by maintaining the relationship.
00:07:06.790 --> 00:07:07.580 Mira Brancu: Hmm.
00:07:07.580 --> 00:07:27.760 Thomas Gelmi: You shouldn't escalate right? Of course there are exceptions, and the number, unfortunately, of unruly passengers, has increased massively over the recent years and decades. So in some cases you just have to solve it, and, you know, disregard the relationship.
00:07:28.290 --> 00:07:40.209 Thomas Gelmi: But in most cases you want to keep that relationship and solve the issue at the same time. So it requires social skills. It requires a combination of
00:07:40.480 --> 00:07:43.730 Thomas Gelmi: personal and interpersonal competence.
00:07:44.270 --> 00:08:00.890 Thomas Gelmi: the ability to deal with people, the ability to connect quickly with other human beings, build rapport, build, trust, build relationship, and keep it under difficult conditions or circumstances. And the basis for that.
00:08:02.140 --> 00:08:05.539 Thomas Gelmi: Our personal competencies, as in, you know.
00:08:06.720 --> 00:08:24.769 Thomas Gelmi: being in a good relationship with yourself, emotional intelligence, emotional self-regulation, and all of what comes with that. So it is often underestimated what that profession requires and demands of people.
00:08:25.160 --> 00:08:33.000 Mira Brancu: Absolutely. I mean, you just beautifully describe how
00:08:33.350 --> 00:08:39.279 Mira Brancu: these soft skills are not soft at all. They're incredibly, incredibly hard.
00:08:39.903 --> 00:08:51.440 Mira Brancu: To develop. You know it's easy to lose your cool. Go off on someone, call the police, whatever that is. And in this kind of environment
00:08:51.770 --> 00:09:04.280 Mira Brancu: you have to have the strongest interpersonal and emotional intelligence skills in order to keep things
00:09:04.953 --> 00:09:14.029 Mira Brancu: at that, you know. Sort of like de-escalating or not at at least not escalating. Keep things calm.
00:09:14.670 --> 00:09:15.970 Mira Brancu: Keep the trust
00:09:16.160 --> 00:09:23.577 Mira Brancu: right. All all of those things require incredible number of capacities. So I'd love to hear more about
00:09:24.200 --> 00:09:31.519 Mira Brancu: kind of how you see all of these kind of capacities. Why, why would they?
00:09:32.079 --> 00:09:39.980 Mira Brancu: Be important to translate outside of the cockpit outside of the the tube, the plane, and into the business world.
00:09:40.760 --> 00:09:51.020 Thomas Gelmi: Why would it be important to to multiply or or clone these these skills in in a non-flying environment? All right. So
00:09:51.230 --> 00:09:55.060 Thomas Gelmi: 1st of all. I guess you and I do agree.
00:09:55.400 --> 00:09:56.269 Mira Brancu: We do agree.
00:09:56.270 --> 00:10:11.660 Thomas Gelmi: That that soft skills is not really helping as a term, because it has a somewhat less important flavor
00:10:12.370 --> 00:10:14.039 Thomas Gelmi: compared to the hard facts
00:10:14.690 --> 00:10:27.910 Thomas Gelmi: and the hard factors and the numbers and the facts and the figures in organizations. Right? And sometimes I hear things like, yeah. And maybe towards the end of the year. We'll also do a soft skill training if we still have budget for that.
00:10:28.349 --> 00:10:28.790 Mira Brancu: Yeah.
00:10:28.790 --> 00:10:31.700 Thomas Gelmi: So it's often seen as something that.
00:10:32.070 --> 00:10:46.399 Thomas Gelmi: Yeah, it's more nice to have than really, really important and really important would be intellectual intelligence and subject matter expertise. And all these things, when, in fact.
00:10:47.360 --> 00:11:04.610 Thomas Gelmi: experience shows and numerous studies and research show that it's emotional intelligence that is most of the time, or very often the game changer. That makes all the difference. So
00:11:04.760 --> 00:11:14.230 Thomas Gelmi: that's that's the business case. Why is it worth investing in the development of this kind of skills.
00:11:14.580 --> 00:11:21.350 Thomas Gelmi: Well, 1st of all, the question arises, why would we
00:11:21.560 --> 00:11:27.429 Thomas Gelmi: invest money and time and energy in developing things that
00:11:27.640 --> 00:11:32.769 Thomas Gelmi: if you think about them for 5 min, you would say our common sense.
00:11:33.480 --> 00:11:36.750 Thomas Gelmi: Most of the things I focus on in my work
00:11:37.150 --> 00:11:44.360 Thomas Gelmi: could be seen as just common sense. Of course, if somebody talks to you, you should be listening
00:11:44.870 --> 00:11:50.940 Thomas Gelmi: common sense, and you should be listening to understand what the person is trying to tell you.
00:11:51.240 --> 00:11:52.660 Thomas Gelmi: Common sense.
00:11:52.920 --> 00:11:56.109 Thomas Gelmi: You should treat people with respect.
00:11:56.390 --> 00:12:01.039 Thomas Gelmi: common sense, right? And the list goes on and on and on. Now, why
00:12:01.240 --> 00:12:03.129 Thomas Gelmi: do we have to talk about this.
00:12:03.740 --> 00:12:04.840 Mira Brancu: Well.
00:12:05.060 --> 00:12:13.190 Thomas Gelmi: Because if we look into organizations, and we observe how people work together and how people lead others.
00:12:14.180 --> 00:12:16.800 Thomas Gelmi: common sense is often not so common.
00:12:18.885 --> 00:12:24.660 Thomas Gelmi: And that's the the crucial point. You see, all these
00:12:24.890 --> 00:12:29.250 Thomas Gelmi: interpersonal skills and the personal competencies.
00:12:29.800 --> 00:12:46.029 Thomas Gelmi: They come more naturally when we are in a known environment that we're familiar with, that we feel comfortable in, and that we feel safe in empathy interestingly, is quite limited.
00:12:46.270 --> 00:12:52.329 Thomas Gelmi: limited to the inner circle. Most of the time our friends and family.
00:12:52.480 --> 00:13:04.920 Thomas Gelmi: and that's where it comes naturally right when you go out with your best friend for dinner, and you talk about life. Of course you're interested, and you you listen deeply because you want to know, and because you care.
00:13:05.020 --> 00:13:08.270 Thomas Gelmi: So empathy comes natural.
00:13:08.670 --> 00:13:18.649 Thomas Gelmi: Now in a business environment. If you have to have a different conversation about an unpleasant topic with someone you don't really like.
00:13:19.570 --> 00:13:21.620 Thomas Gelmi: Empathy might not come so natural.
00:13:22.380 --> 00:13:27.280 Thomas Gelmi: Empathy might have to be a decision you make.
00:13:28.430 --> 00:13:39.369 Thomas Gelmi: See, maybe the needs and the and the interests of that person, and try to understand where they're coming from with their standpoint. First, st
00:13:40.550 --> 00:13:41.700 Thomas Gelmi: instead of
00:13:41.920 --> 00:13:50.529 Thomas Gelmi: insisting to be understood, and that your point is the right point, right? Which end up in a debate. And there's a winner, and there's a loser.
00:13:50.690 --> 00:13:51.910 Thomas Gelmi: So
00:13:52.440 --> 00:14:21.069 Thomas Gelmi: it doesn't come so naturally in an environment where pressure is high, we have to perform, we have to deliver, and because the managers are under pressure, very often they pass on that pressure to their people, to their teams. No filter, just they fully pass it on. And that's why, in today's environment in which most people operate.
00:14:21.560 --> 00:14:25.539 Thomas Gelmi: Most people tend to be outside of their
00:14:25.790 --> 00:14:37.379 Thomas Gelmi: comfort zone most of the time, and in a elevated state of stress, hypervigilance, anxiousness, anxiety.
00:14:38.250 --> 00:14:39.450 Thomas Gelmi: So
00:14:39.870 --> 00:14:53.269 Thomas Gelmi: yeah, mental health issues are on the rise. Burnout is on the rise. These are all reasons or or symptoms of not having these topics and skills developed
00:14:53.530 --> 00:14:54.710 Thomas Gelmi: well enough.
00:14:54.710 --> 00:14:55.340 Mira Brancu: Yeah.
00:14:55.340 --> 00:15:01.540 Thomas Gelmi: And yeah, focusing on the people instead of the numbers will increase the numbers
00:15:01.740 --> 00:15:04.207 Thomas Gelmi: right? Right? And you know, I think
00:15:04.760 --> 00:15:12.329 Mira Brancu: Yes, it's common sense. But there, there's lots of common sense that we know, and we don't do
00:15:12.410 --> 00:15:35.980 Mira Brancu: right like we know we should be healthy, but then we don't do things to make us healthy. We know we should be active, but then we don't regularly practice being active right? The soft skills quote unquote, or these kind of like emotional intelligence skills. Take the same amount of intentionality, effort, practice, daily practice.
00:15:36.040 --> 00:16:00.960 Mira Brancu: and especially even more so when you're under pressure, like you said, and someone who has been through lots and lots of training, working under high pressure on an airplane knows this for sure that the worst things that could happen if you don't practice and attend to these skills. So we are nearing an ad break.
00:16:01.320 --> 00:16:27.540 Mira Brancu: And when we come back. Let's kind of learn more about. Do these differ across nations, across cultures? And you know, what? What have you seen? You're listening to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Branko and our guest, Thomas Jellmi. We air on Tuesdays at 5 Pm. Eastern Standard time. At that time you can find us live streaming on Linkedin Youtube, several other locations@talkradio.nyc. And we'll be right back with our guest in just a moment.
00:18:09.280 --> 00:18:15.670 Mira Brancu: Welcome. Welcome back to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Bronku and our guest today, Thomas Jelly.
00:18:15.810 --> 00:18:27.060 Mira Brancu: So, Thomas, you speak 4 languages. If I saw online correctly. That's French, German, English, Italian.
00:18:27.230 --> 00:18:32.719 Thomas Gelmi: Yes, exactly, and also Swiss German, which is a German dialect which makes it 5.
00:18:32.720 --> 00:18:42.689 Mira Brancu: Oh, Swiss German also. Okay. I did not know that was a dialect, but that makes sense. Yes, so 5, 4 and a half language
00:18:42.690 --> 00:18:48.850 Mira Brancu: exactly, for now you and your last name you told me is is actually Italian.
00:18:48.850 --> 00:18:54.449 Thomas Gelmi: Yeah, yeah, so and you've worked with leaders across 90 countries.
00:18:54.560 --> 00:19:02.893 Mira Brancu: That's a lot. You know, I'm looking at your website here. And it it's literally across, you know, global, globally.
00:19:03.870 --> 00:19:11.419 Mira Brancu: what have you learned about these kind of skills? You know, you started talking about how you know.
00:19:11.560 --> 00:19:29.069 Mira Brancu: under pressure, under a lot of stress. You know, under a heightened you know, sort of like hyper vigilance response, you know, which which is something that that I've sort of focused on with trauma and stress and that kind of thing. We are not our very best. It's very hard for us to
00:19:29.270 --> 00:19:40.899 Mira Brancu: slow down and stop ourselves and use all of these skills. But I also start wondering with all the experiences that you've had. Does it look differently working with different cultures? Are there
00:19:41.180 --> 00:19:48.240 Mira Brancu: nuances that leaders need to be thinking about when they're working with different cultures. And these skills.
00:19:49.240 --> 00:20:03.070 Thomas Gelmi: Yes, so there are differences, cultural differences, of course, as we all know, and there are similarities. So let me maybe start with the similarities, and then get to the differences so.
00:20:03.070 --> 00:20:03.530 Mira Brancu: Okay.
00:20:03.530 --> 00:20:05.860 Thomas Gelmi: If we take one step back and
00:20:06.260 --> 00:20:13.830 Thomas Gelmi: ask ourselves, what is leadership really about? Right leadership is influence. As John Maxwell said, nothing more, nothing less.
00:20:14.300 --> 00:20:16.279 Thomas Gelmi: And in today's world
00:20:16.540 --> 00:20:22.240 Thomas Gelmi: we don't need people like in the past who do what we tell them to do.
00:20:22.470 --> 00:20:40.760 Thomas Gelmi: We need people who do what we don't tell them to do because we can't. We can't oversee everything and know everything and then give directions. We need people who think for themselves, who self organize who are enthusiastic about what needs to be done, who go extra miles
00:20:41.380 --> 00:20:53.179 Thomas Gelmi: or or there's this beautiful quote by Dwight Eisenhower, who said, leadership is the art of getting people or getting someone to do what needs to be done, because they want to do it.
00:20:53.180 --> 00:20:53.910 Mira Brancu: Hmm.
00:20:54.160 --> 00:21:02.800 Mira Brancu: so how do we lead in such a way that people do what needs to be done? Because they want to do it?
00:21:02.800 --> 00:21:06.363 Mira Brancu: Yeah. Well, that's the question of the century. Thomas.
00:21:06.760 --> 00:21:12.849 Thomas Gelmi: Yes, that's the question of a century. And this is actually very easy to answer.
00:21:12.970 --> 00:21:15.479 Thomas Gelmi: There's a very simple answer to it.
00:21:16.220 --> 00:21:18.829 Thomas Gelmi: It's about how people feel.
00:21:20.070 --> 00:21:26.329 Thomas Gelmi: It's about the climate you create as a leader.
00:21:27.090 --> 00:21:51.869 Thomas Gelmi: Do you create a climate of psychological threat and danger where people are constantly outside of their of their window of tolerance outside in a stress mode. Is that how you lead leading by fear? Well, then, you generate a different emotional state, and people will very likely be doing
00:21:52.050 --> 00:21:57.790 Thomas Gelmi: the bare minimum that they have to do, so that they run. They don't run into trouble right.
00:21:58.520 --> 00:22:02.099 Thomas Gelmi: Will be mistrust. There will be pushback. There will be
00:22:02.490 --> 00:22:05.010 Thomas Gelmi: silo thinking, and all of that
00:22:05.470 --> 00:22:12.530 Thomas Gelmi: as a logical consequence. Now, if you create a climate of psychological safety.
00:22:12.700 --> 00:22:20.470 Thomas Gelmi: a climate that is characterized by mutual support, respect, appreciation.
00:22:20.610 --> 00:22:27.670 Thomas Gelmi: and safety and trust, where everybody feels safe enough to speak up
00:22:27.920 --> 00:22:35.530 Thomas Gelmi: to say, Hey, guys, I have a different opinion. If 9 other people in the meeting have the same opinion, and you differ
00:22:35.820 --> 00:22:41.110 Thomas Gelmi: to speak up, I see it differently to admit a mistake
00:22:41.280 --> 00:22:54.859 Thomas Gelmi: to say, Hey, guys, I made a wrong decision. I made a mistake. I need your help, and you know you will not be criticized in front of others. You will not be ridiculed. You will not be made fun of.
00:22:55.290 --> 00:22:58.349 Thomas Gelmi: You will be asked, how can we support you?
00:22:59.020 --> 00:23:18.789 Thomas Gelmi: That's a completely different story, and people will be in a completely different emotional state, a different baseline of of emotions. How they show up at work, you know, someone said, the culture of your organization. You can recognize by how people feel. On Sunday evening.
00:23:20.080 --> 00:23:22.563 Thomas Gelmi: With regards to Monday. So.
00:23:23.060 --> 00:23:23.540 Mira Brancu: Nice.
00:23:23.540 --> 00:23:26.450 Thomas Gelmi: I call this the emotional balance sheet.
00:23:26.930 --> 00:23:55.310 Thomas Gelmi: What's the emotional balance sheet in your organization in general, but also in your people, in your relationships with your team and individual members of your team? Is it predominantly positive? And then people will go extra miles because it's just logically necessary, and they will do what is needed. They will support each other, they will trust each other, and the magic can happen really
00:23:56.186 --> 00:24:03.890 Thomas Gelmi: or is it predominantly negative? And then all the things we see as a consequence that I just mentioned earlier. Now.
00:24:04.340 --> 00:24:12.549 Thomas Gelmi: this principle that is also that can also be, you know, explained neuroscientifically, neurobiologically.
00:24:12.720 --> 00:24:16.569 Thomas Gelmi: this principle is valid across the globe.
00:24:16.740 --> 00:24:25.159 Thomas Gelmi: It's the same for everyone, for all human beings around the globe. If I feel well, if I feel safe, if I feel
00:24:25.480 --> 00:24:35.880 Thomas Gelmi: respected and my contribution counts, I will behave differently and often in the way or in the interests of the company and their customers.
00:24:36.230 --> 00:24:37.780 Thomas Gelmi: and if I don't.
00:24:38.020 --> 00:24:46.920 Thomas Gelmi: I will focus on myself, on my needs, on my self protection, etc. Etc. Valid across the globe. Now.
00:24:47.190 --> 00:24:50.940 Thomas Gelmi: how we create this climate.
00:24:51.600 --> 00:25:01.870 Thomas Gelmi: what kind of leadership, behavior, or leadership style will create that positive emotional balance sheet differs
00:25:02.010 --> 00:25:05.140 Thomas Gelmi: from culture to culture.
00:25:05.140 --> 00:25:10.929 Mira Brancu: Interesting before we get to that. Let me just make a few comments here. Because.
00:25:11.730 --> 00:25:16.970 Mira Brancu: you know, I think what you bring up is so so important.
00:25:17.150 --> 00:25:25.239 Mira Brancu: We can think about this, even if for those of you who know about Maslow's hierarchy, right? What's at the very, very bottom?
00:25:25.360 --> 00:25:34.319 Mira Brancu: It is safety, security, shelter, food, all the basics, right? Humans need those basics
00:25:34.720 --> 00:25:51.700 Mira Brancu: in order for them to be ready for the next levels, which is love belonging self-esteem, and then, being our very best, we can't be our very best without all the other stuff at the bottom. There, right? And unfortunately, our brains are wired
00:25:52.010 --> 00:25:55.090 Mira Brancu: to always focus on
00:25:56.500 --> 00:26:05.410 Mira Brancu: Am I afraid? Am I under threat? Am I not feeling secure? And if so, I'm going to focus there, and I'm not going to work on anything else.
00:26:05.550 --> 00:26:30.239 Mira Brancu: And so if you have a leader who is setting the stage for fear, for threat, for intimidation, punishment. You know all of these like, if they work on your base instincts, what are you going to react to your base instincts? And you are not going to be your very best, and you're not going to produce your very best at the very top of that pyramid. Right?
00:26:30.370 --> 00:26:31.360 Mira Brancu: And
00:26:32.880 --> 00:26:48.870 Mira Brancu: sadly, we see a lot of leaders right now in politics and beyond, who are grabbing right at that base instinct stuff. And we are feeding right into it. And what you're saying.
00:26:49.427 --> 00:26:58.870 Mira Brancu: Which I think will speak to a lot of people is we all desperately need leaders who help us feel like we don't have to worry about that
00:26:59.040 --> 00:27:04.980 Mira Brancu: sort of lower level protective, you know, safety stuff
00:27:05.120 --> 00:27:15.849 Mira Brancu: that we want, the next level. We want to feel belonging respect supported. So we can function at our very best, and those are the leaders that are going to get us to the very top of that pyramid.
00:27:16.510 --> 00:27:22.870 Thomas Gelmi: Absolutely, absolutely. And the leaders that lead like that
00:27:23.060 --> 00:27:29.400 Thomas Gelmi: that have this calm composure and radiate confidence and optimism.
00:27:29.680 --> 00:27:57.930 Thomas Gelmi: as in you know, we're going to come out of this the other end. Okay? And we're going to make it, even if it looks terrible at the moment. These kind of leaders are leaders that did the work on themselves, that have high emotional intelligence with regards to their own emotions that are self-aware, that are conscious that are able to self, regulate
00:27:58.070 --> 00:28:04.269 Thomas Gelmi: and self care, so that they then be there for others, for.
00:28:04.270 --> 00:28:07.549 Mira Brancu: Right. And and for those of you who are listening.
00:28:08.160 --> 00:28:12.530 Mira Brancu: just think about the amount of effort that it takes
00:28:13.290 --> 00:28:32.500 Mira Brancu: to be at that level to be your very best for other people to be that sort of able to understand yourself in order to create that kind of environment. It just doesn't. It doesn't just happen like you said, you know, this is like, yes, it's common sense. But it doesn't just happen automatically. It takes.
00:28:32.500 --> 00:28:33.970 Thomas Gelmi: Exactly. Yeah, yeah.
00:28:33.970 --> 00:28:34.460 Mira Brancu: An effort.
00:28:34.460 --> 00:28:38.290 Thomas Gelmi: Yes, it takes some humility and discipline and courage. Yeah.
00:28:38.310 --> 00:28:41.394 Mira Brancu: That's right. That's right. So let's hear about
00:28:41.920 --> 00:29:07.259 Mira Brancu: Actually, you know what we're entering. We're getting close to an ad break. So I'm going to keep people on the edge of their seat after we get back from the ad break we will hear about like. Now, how do you apply that. What do you see across cultures that might be different, even though, you know what we talk about now are kind of like the sort of what we all share in common as humans.
00:29:07.320 --> 00:29:19.699 Mira Brancu: So you're listening to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Branku and our guest, Thomas Jone. We are on Tuesdays, at 5 pm@talkradio.nyc. And we'll be right back in just a moment.
00:30:50.180 --> 00:30:58.650 Mira Brancu: Welcome. Welcome back to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Boranku and our guest, Thomas Jami. So, Thomas.
00:30:58.880 --> 00:31:06.310 Mira Brancu: how do you apply all of this across different cultures. What do you see as differences.
00:31:06.790 --> 00:31:31.020 Thomas Gelmi: Yes. So how do we create a climate in which people feel comfortable and safe and perform in different cultures? That's the question. This differs because we see, of course, differences in various areas when we compare cultures, one of the main differences that often becomes obvious
00:31:31.570 --> 00:31:37.580 Thomas Gelmi: is the way we communicate communication style.
00:31:37.690 --> 00:31:54.859 Thomas Gelmi: which is the spectrum on the far end. On one far end we have direct communication style, telling it as it is speaking up, saying what you mean on the other far end of the spectrum we have indirect communication.
00:31:55.420 --> 00:31:59.820 Thomas Gelmi: And so if we put that on, if we put that
00:32:00.720 --> 00:32:02.930 Thomas Gelmi: spectrum on a on a globe.
00:32:03.320 --> 00:32:10.160 Thomas Gelmi: We could have one end, for example, in North America direct
00:32:10.300 --> 00:32:19.339 Thomas Gelmi: speaking up, saying also, I did this, and being proud, etc. And on the other far end. We might end up in Southeast Asia
00:32:19.630 --> 00:32:27.819 Thomas Gelmi: with the countries allocated there, where you would not directly say.
00:32:27.990 --> 00:32:40.580 Thomas Gelmi: if you disagree, you would not directly challenge someone not by far, not a leader, for example, right? So you would communicate more indirectly.
00:32:41.430 --> 00:32:56.250 Thomas Gelmi: and people who are used to that and who know it, and who learn to read between the lines in that specific context, can understand and pick up on the subtleties that are maybe hidden between the lines.
00:32:56.390 --> 00:33:07.940 Thomas Gelmi: That's 1 difference another one is individuality versus collectivism. Again, with the same countries as as comparing polls. Right?
00:33:08.870 --> 00:33:15.990 Thomas Gelmi: North America and many Western societies are strongly or have become strongly individualistic.
00:33:16.290 --> 00:33:20.859 Thomas Gelmi: whereas many countries still in the Middle East and Asia
00:33:21.390 --> 00:33:37.670 Thomas Gelmi: are strongly collectivistic, where the community and the collective has the higher priority than the individual, then a 3rd one, which very strongly applies to leadership is so-called power distance.
00:33:37.910 --> 00:33:40.030 Thomas Gelmi: Yeah, hierarchy.
00:33:40.620 --> 00:34:03.120 Thomas Gelmi: How? To what extent do I, as a team member, as an employee, expect my boss to tell me what to do, and have all the answers and solutions, and I really look up because there is a hierarchical asymmetric situation, which, again, is
00:34:03.250 --> 00:34:07.610 Thomas Gelmi: the case, for example, in China, and
00:34:08.650 --> 00:34:18.469 Thomas Gelmi: on the other end a low power distance, for example, in Switzerland, even in Switzerland, compared to Germany, we have lower power distance. We have very.
00:34:18.860 --> 00:34:22.819 Mira Brancu: Flat hierarchies in general, a very.
00:34:23.330 --> 00:34:33.509 Thomas Gelmi: Strong involvement participation of people in even in real decision making right? So these are some of the differences.
00:34:34.050 --> 00:34:34.889 Thomas Gelmi: And
00:34:35.330 --> 00:34:49.820 Thomas Gelmi: in order to lead effectively in these cultural, different cultural environments. Again, a leader has to do the work and learn the differences, learn to understand what people need
00:34:50.290 --> 00:34:52.330 Thomas Gelmi: so that they feel
00:34:52.560 --> 00:35:03.209 Thomas Gelmi: comfortable and at ease, and what might irritate? Because if they don't, if you don't learn the differences, if you don't show interest so that you can understand.
00:35:03.350 --> 00:35:24.229 Thomas Gelmi: you might just assume that what made you successful as a successful leader in this context will also make you a successful leader in the other context, speaking up, giving direct, feedback, challenging people made me a successful, effective leader in this, maybe home context. Now, I'm
00:35:24.550 --> 00:35:35.369 Thomas Gelmi: moving to another country as an expat for 4 years, and I don't do the work, and I show up the same way, and will create irritations in no time.
00:35:35.520 --> 00:35:40.060 Thomas Gelmi: And then, you know, be surprised what's what's happening right.
00:35:40.060 --> 00:35:40.820 Mira Brancu: Yeah, yeah.
00:35:40.820 --> 00:35:41.200 Thomas Gelmi: Yeah.
00:35:41.200 --> 00:35:47.079 Mira Brancu: I have a I have kind of a challenging or tough question for you. I'm curious to see what you think about this.
00:35:47.210 --> 00:35:53.080 Mira Brancu: So even within one country or one culture.
00:35:54.766 --> 00:36:10.330 Mira Brancu: We we have seen now lots of challenging the status quo. So, for example, normally in the Us. We sort of have defined leadership as direct.
00:36:11.183 --> 00:36:17.426 Mira Brancu: You know. Clear and prideful loud charismatic
00:36:18.560 --> 00:36:21.460 Mira Brancu: if the individuality, you know, is is clear.
00:36:21.460 --> 00:36:21.850 Mira Brancu: Yeah.
00:36:21.850 --> 00:36:28.290 Mira Brancu: as as a culture, right? And at the same time we have subcultures that don't do well with that.
00:36:28.290 --> 00:36:51.980 Mira Brancu: Or we have leaders who could bring a lot to an organization that are very different in their style. They might bring a more collectivist shared decision, making kind of style. They might bring a much more, you know, humble, introverted style, and that might be exactly what is needed for this time. But that is such a culture change and culture shift
00:36:51.980 --> 00:36:59.390 Mira Brancu: that we don't know necessarily what to do either with the culture or the leader. And I'm curious your thoughts about that.
00:36:59.760 --> 00:37:04.020 Thomas Gelmi: Yes. Oh, I'm so glad you asked the question, because yes.
00:37:04.130 --> 00:37:19.280 Thomas Gelmi: very often, or in general, in today's environment, with the challenges we're facing leadership, traits and leadership qualities would be more effective and would be important
00:37:19.840 --> 00:37:26.229 Thomas Gelmi: that are often more on the silent end and not on the loud end.
00:37:26.490 --> 00:37:30.500 Thomas Gelmi: Humility. You mentioned listening.
00:37:31.500 --> 00:37:44.900 Thomas Gelmi: asking, asking the right questions, and then and then being quiet and and hearing what's there, and listening to people being the last person in the meeting who adds their 2 cents, not the 1st one.
00:37:45.100 --> 00:37:55.680 Thomas Gelmi: and you know you see the magic happen when you give space to people and and and invite them to share. But anyways, yes, that would be important. Now.
00:37:56.240 --> 00:37:59.949 Thomas Gelmi: what does it take for change to occur?
00:38:00.490 --> 00:38:05.779 Thomas Gelmi: The 1st step is always awareness, awareness that
00:38:06.320 --> 00:38:19.719 Thomas Gelmi: the the way we're going is not the best way, and it might not lead to what we're looking for, and there would be other ways available if we activate them or give them more space, more room.
00:38:20.360 --> 00:38:27.040 Thomas Gelmi: it would be very helpful. This awareness has to be there. In the 1st place, no awareness, no change.
00:38:27.240 --> 00:38:35.599 Thomas Gelmi: no awareness, no problem awareness, awareness for the fact that what we're doing and the way we're doing it
00:38:36.210 --> 00:38:41.509 Thomas Gelmi: is not helping. It might have been a good or appropriate leadership style
00:38:41.830 --> 00:38:52.330 Thomas Gelmi: a century ago in the Industrial age, command and control. Yeah, that's where it originates from in today's environment. You're not. You're not effective like that.
00:38:52.580 --> 00:38:58.470 Thomas Gelmi: And you're actually you're you're you're turning people off. You're demotivating.
00:38:58.960 --> 00:39:17.650 Thomas Gelmi: I just posted on Tiktok. I made a post stating the main reasons why good people leave a company. It went through the roof, and people were commenting my company, my company, that's exactly what I'm experiencing. That's why I left, etc. Etc. Etc.
00:39:18.180 --> 00:39:19.939 Thomas Gelmi: Awareness is first, st
00:39:20.270 --> 00:39:27.590 Thomas Gelmi: and the challenge with that is that I often see in my coaching practice, working with leaders and doing executive coaching.
00:39:27.820 --> 00:39:30.610 Thomas Gelmi: that these people are successful.
00:39:31.520 --> 00:39:44.390 Thomas Gelmi: depending on the criteria you use to measure success. Mostly they can be seen as successful. They made it to a certain position in an organization very often high up.
00:39:44.600 --> 00:39:50.970 Thomas Gelmi: So look where I am today. Can't be that wrong? What I'm doing, can it.
00:39:50.970 --> 00:39:51.390 Mira Brancu: Right.
00:39:51.390 --> 00:39:57.630 Thomas Gelmi: That's often the attitude. So why change? Why should do I need a coach? Why should I change?
00:39:57.790 --> 00:40:02.190 Thomas Gelmi: So? That's the challenge. There's no awareness. There's no problem awareness.
00:40:02.910 --> 00:40:09.260 Thomas Gelmi: And I often use tools, specific tools to raise this awareness.
00:40:09.600 --> 00:40:16.540 Thomas Gelmi: It they have to. The leader has to say yes to that, and have the humility to say, Okay.
00:40:18.150 --> 00:40:24.619 Thomas Gelmi: it might be that I have some room for development. Let's see.
00:40:24.830 --> 00:40:52.169 Thomas Gelmi: And then what I often conduct is a 360 degree feedback process, which is an instrument for a structured collection of feedback of the most important stakeholders of that leader. That work with him or her, and that are directly affected by his or her leadership style, and it is done in an anonymized way.
00:40:52.250 --> 00:41:08.510 Thomas Gelmi: so that people who give feedback are protected, and they know it's safe. I can really say what I like about that leader, but also what I would wish to be different, what I would wish them to start doing, or
00:41:08.690 --> 00:41:10.790 Thomas Gelmi: very often stop doing.
00:41:11.150 --> 00:41:25.599 Thomas Gelmi: because it demotivates us right. And it doesn't allow us to bring out our full potential. And that's collected, generated in an anonymized report, and then I sit with the leader and we look at it together.
00:41:25.810 --> 00:41:29.560 Thomas Gelmi: and sometimes it's it's a wake up call.
00:41:29.670 --> 00:41:39.730 Thomas Gelmi: and if that person has the necessary humility, we can start working. And it's amazing what can happen if someone
00:41:39.880 --> 00:41:49.470 Thomas Gelmi: has the humility, the courage, and the discipline to say, Okay, hey, what? What got me here might not be what gets me there. And so
00:41:49.860 --> 00:41:51.210 Thomas Gelmi: let's start.
00:41:51.970 --> 00:42:00.785 Mira Brancu: Yeah. And I think your you know. Your comment about awareness of a problem
00:42:01.710 --> 00:42:09.439 Mira Brancu: is critical for all of this to happen. It's the or at the at the very least, curiosity.
00:42:09.860 --> 00:42:10.280 Thomas Gelmi: Yeah.
00:42:10.280 --> 00:42:17.589 Mira Brancu: Can we do even better than we're doing now? Because, yeah, I've been successful. And yeah, I've made a difference. And yeah, I've gotten to this point.
00:42:17.740 --> 00:42:26.669 Mira Brancu: and if you're curious about being even more successful, doing even better getting the most out of your people, maybe you might be curious enough just to.
00:42:27.270 --> 00:42:30.549 Mira Brancu: you know, receive additional information about.
00:42:30.550 --> 00:42:31.279 Thomas Gelmi: Yeah, yeah.
00:42:31.280 --> 00:42:32.549 Mira Brancu: Could be different? What could change?
00:42:32.550 --> 00:42:39.239 Thomas Gelmi: Yeah, if you, you cannot make someone change something that they don't consider a problem.
00:42:39.660 --> 00:42:41.130 Mira Brancu: Yes, yes, absolutely.
00:42:41.130 --> 00:42:48.900 Thomas Gelmi: And people don't change for others. People change for themselves. So when they see that there's really something in it for them.
00:42:49.230 --> 00:42:54.550 Thomas Gelmi: more effective leadership, more impact or less effort for the impact.
00:42:54.850 --> 00:42:58.529 Thomas Gelmi: That's usually yeah. An invitation.
00:42:58.530 --> 00:43:04.959 Mira Brancu: Yeah, yeah, we're reaching an odd break. But I'm curious. If you have any quick thoughts about what about the flip?
00:43:05.726 --> 00:43:09.549 Mira Brancu: Leaders, who have all of these amazing
00:43:09.760 --> 00:43:18.650 Mira Brancu: kind of listening emotion, regulation, emotional intelligence skills. But they're much more like quiet, introverted leaders.
00:43:18.900 --> 00:43:19.410 Thomas Gelmi: Yes.
00:43:19.410 --> 00:43:26.420 Mira Brancu: And it's hard for them to just be recognized and visible for those strengths.
00:43:26.820 --> 00:43:27.210 Thomas Gelmi: Yes.
00:43:27.210 --> 00:43:31.439 Mira Brancu: About sort of like what it takes for them to.
00:43:31.440 --> 00:43:31.850 Thomas Gelmi: Yes.
00:43:31.850 --> 00:43:34.080 Mira Brancu: Be just visible for those strengths.
00:43:34.370 --> 00:43:39.459 Thomas Gelmi: Yeah, yeah. Increase your visibility by showing up by speaking up.
00:43:39.650 --> 00:43:52.259 Thomas Gelmi: Learn how to also behave in certain ways. That may not be your comfort zone. Yeah, everybody has their stretching zone, their development zone for
00:43:52.760 --> 00:44:13.440 Thomas Gelmi: for the less empathetic hard facts result. Oriented leader, the stretching zone might be to show more empathy and show that you care for people the other way around. For the more reserved and empathetic leader the stretching zone might be to learn how to also
00:44:13.880 --> 00:44:23.549 Thomas Gelmi: show dominance. For example, when it's necessary, because in some situations it is necessary to be directive and clear. So
00:44:23.770 --> 00:44:29.560 Thomas Gelmi: I call it increasing your personal behavioral repertoire.
00:44:30.360 --> 00:44:40.100 Thomas Gelmi: Your toolbox? Are you able to also lean into other behaviors that don't come so naturally because you've learned how to do it in baby steps?
00:44:40.100 --> 00:44:57.539 Mira Brancu: Yeah, absolutely. Okay. We are reaching another ad break when we come back. I love to sort of explore. Just the greatest challenges, trends, lessons learned across cultures that you you know, are seeing as important for for leaders to focus on. So we're
00:44:57.700 --> 00:45:05.969 Mira Brancu: reaching an ad break. You're listening to the hard skills with me, Dr. Mira Branco and our guest, Thomas Jelmi. We will come back in just a moment.
00:46:45.460 --> 00:47:11.033 Mira Brancu: Welcome. Welcome back to the hard skills. All right. We have Thomas here for just a little while longer, and I would love to hear out of all of sort of the different groups of people that you've worked with across all of the different countries, different types of cultures, individualistic versus collectivistic humility versus pride, indirect versus direct.
00:47:11.590 --> 00:47:16.260 Mira Brancu: What are the most sort of common challenges or trends
00:47:17.002 --> 00:47:22.529 Mira Brancu: or skills that have been kind of hardest to
00:47:22.720 --> 00:47:28.019 Mira Brancu: teacher help leaders with when it comes to expanding their behavioral repertoire.
00:47:28.340 --> 00:47:39.669 Thomas Gelmi: Yeah. Okay, beautiful question. Thank you. Well, the biggest challenge is to start with is often to understand
00:47:39.990 --> 00:47:44.100 Thomas Gelmi: that different is not wrong.
00:47:44.680 --> 00:47:51.840 Thomas Gelmi: It's just different. And it's just as right. It's just as valid
00:47:52.450 --> 00:48:01.560 Thomas Gelmi: as how we do things around here. Right? Culture can be described as the way we do things around here
00:48:01.670 --> 00:48:09.440 Thomas Gelmi: and here might be different from how they do things over there. But it's their way of doing things right.
00:48:10.160 --> 00:48:14.279 Thomas Gelmi: And you see, for this diversity
00:48:14.440 --> 00:48:23.649 Thomas Gelmi: to be experienced. You don't have to travel the globe anymore, it it happens in front of your doorstep. We. Meanwhile we have such culturally
00:48:23.890 --> 00:48:39.870 Thomas Gelmi: diverse societies, right that, for example, many leaders in a globalized world have to lead culturally mixed virtual teams.
00:48:40.150 --> 00:48:44.600 Thomas Gelmi: leading virtual teams is already challenged enough. But then you also have
00:48:44.920 --> 00:48:52.240 Thomas Gelmi: people in that virtual team sitting in in various corners of the world and with different cultural background.
00:48:52.910 --> 00:48:55.699 Thomas Gelmi: So diversity can can be a challenge.
00:48:56.010 --> 00:48:58.290 Thomas Gelmi: Differences can be a challenge.
00:48:59.330 --> 00:49:10.460 Thomas Gelmi: and they can be both at the same time. They can be fertile ground for conflict, friction, tension, misunderstanding.
00:49:11.750 --> 00:49:17.180 Thomas Gelmi: pushback conflict, or they can be fertile ground.
00:49:17.470 --> 00:49:18.630 Thomas Gelmi: 4.
00:49:19.560 --> 00:49:27.449 Thomas Gelmi: Enrichment for a team becoming more than the sum of its elements.
00:49:28.010 --> 00:49:32.899 Thomas Gelmi: Because we're working together and we're integrating the differences. We're not only
00:49:33.870 --> 00:49:53.709 Thomas Gelmi: understanding them. We're not only accepting them or tolerating them, we are integrating the best of all worlds. So this basic understanding of diversity of differences as being an asset actually is sometimes already a 1st challenge to overcome.
00:49:54.930 --> 00:50:07.060 Thomas Gelmi: and then understanding that the difference or the differentiating factor, whether it leads to conflict or enrichment, is the willingness to understand these differences.
00:50:07.470 --> 00:50:12.879 Thomas Gelmi: and that's probably the biggest challenge that I see
00:50:13.330 --> 00:50:23.140 Thomas Gelmi: that people don't take the necessary time and space to understand the differences
00:50:23.330 --> 00:50:26.800 Thomas Gelmi: to make it even possible to understand the differences.
00:50:27.140 --> 00:50:35.009 Thomas Gelmi: Teams are put together interculturally, mixed teams are put together and then go.
00:50:35.550 --> 00:50:46.439 Thomas Gelmi: and they have to perform immediately right? And then in meeting in meetings. If if one person doesn't speak up that much doesn't participate that much.
00:50:47.230 --> 00:50:49.270 Thomas Gelmi: you ask yourself what's wrong with them?
00:50:49.810 --> 00:50:56.640 Thomas Gelmi: Well, they might just not be used to that based on their cultural background.
00:50:57.090 --> 00:51:02.580 Thomas Gelmi: They may feel uneasy, taking space
00:51:03.130 --> 00:51:08.390 Thomas Gelmi: to speak and share their ideas. If the space is not being given to them.
00:51:09.340 --> 00:51:17.300 Thomas Gelmi: Right? For example, right? So then, we can have a situation where we're in a meeting with 10 people and guess who speaks the most.
00:51:17.920 --> 00:51:21.450 Thomas Gelmi: It's those that are comfortable speaking up
00:51:21.590 --> 00:51:30.329 Thomas Gelmi: those that are used to taking the space to articulate their thoughts.
00:51:30.560 --> 00:51:32.410 Thomas Gelmi: That's what happens.
00:51:33.803 --> 00:51:47.890 Thomas Gelmi: So the the solution to that is again awareness that there are differences, and that different people might need different things and might be irritated by different things.
00:51:48.290 --> 00:51:59.000 Thomas Gelmi: But if we don't find out there's nothing we can do about it. We cannot work with it, you know. Sir John Whitmore, who was a pioneer in the coaching industry said.
00:52:00.040 --> 00:52:02.479 Thomas Gelmi: we can only control what we're aware of.
00:52:03.340 --> 00:52:08.790 Thomas Gelmi: What we're not aware of often controls us or the situation.
00:52:08.980 --> 00:52:25.689 Thomas Gelmi: But it's like the elephant in the room. If we don't see it, it's there, and it has a huge influence on the quality of the collaboration and the meeting and the outcome. But if we're not aware of it, we cannot do anything about it. So awareness empowers you
00:52:27.030 --> 00:52:29.400 Thomas Gelmi: on a very practical level.
00:52:29.760 --> 00:52:35.620 Thomas Gelmi: My suggestion would be to when a team is brought together
00:52:36.030 --> 00:52:39.410 Thomas Gelmi: in one of the 1st meetings. Address it.
00:52:39.880 --> 00:52:43.440 Thomas Gelmi: Have a short one or 2 h
00:52:43.560 --> 00:52:47.470 Thomas Gelmi: session, where you only talk about
00:52:47.760 --> 00:52:56.380 Thomas Gelmi: what do I need to feel safe, to feel comfortable, to trust. Enough that I can show up
00:52:56.500 --> 00:53:11.669 Thomas Gelmi: and speak up. What do I need for that? So that I take the space to talk, to participate. What are some of my triggers based on my cultural backgrounds? What would irritate me if
00:53:11.990 --> 00:53:16.019 Thomas Gelmi: somebody does it? If somebody criticizes me in front of others
00:53:16.160 --> 00:53:19.200 Thomas Gelmi: that that's a huge trigger for many, right?
00:53:20.170 --> 00:53:23.500 Thomas Gelmi: And then you have it on the surface. You have it on the table.
00:53:23.660 --> 00:53:26.239 Thomas Gelmi: and then you can decide together.
00:53:26.640 --> 00:53:28.110 Thomas Gelmi: How are you going to deal with that?
00:53:28.450 --> 00:53:30.949 Thomas Gelmi: And you can come up with a
00:53:31.220 --> 00:53:37.900 Thomas Gelmi: a little team manifesto, or some some rules and regulations that you develop together
00:53:38.230 --> 00:53:43.379 Thomas Gelmi: for for how do we want to work together here? How do we want to treat each other?
00:53:43.750 --> 00:53:51.270 Thomas Gelmi: What are some of the you know things we can do to help each other bring out the best in us.
00:53:51.620 --> 00:53:57.700 Mira Brancu: Yeah, I love that. And I would add to that also. That
00:53:58.850 --> 00:54:03.310 Mira Brancu: even talking about how humans have shortcuts
00:54:03.460 --> 00:54:10.760 Mira Brancu: in order to determine who's safe, who's not safe? Who's in? Who's out? Causes us
00:54:10.890 --> 00:54:19.290 Mira Brancu: to believe that if there is a difference, that person is not right or not safe right, and we could
00:54:19.820 --> 00:54:36.189 Mira Brancu: probably talk about that for a while. But I'm also realizing that we're reaching the closing of of our time together. I can't believe we've gotten this far, and I want to talk with you more. But we're not going to be able to, maybe next time. So
00:54:36.870 --> 00:54:43.389 Mira Brancu: I'm curious. What's 1 thing that you want people to take away from all the things that we've talked about today.
00:54:43.590 --> 00:54:52.620 Thomas Gelmi: Yeah, the main thing I would love people to take away is to understand that it all begins with ourselves.
00:54:53.470 --> 00:54:59.349 Thomas Gelmi: so that we have to do the work and not assume that.
00:55:00.032 --> 00:55:01.720 Thomas Gelmi: Everybody's the same.
00:55:02.120 --> 00:55:04.649 Thomas Gelmi: Everybody's as as we are.
00:55:06.230 --> 00:55:20.550 Thomas Gelmi: and you know, start from where you are, get some support, you know, one of my favorite quotes is by Ralph Waldo Emerson, who said, what we all need the most is someone who can bring out the best in us.
00:55:20.730 --> 00:55:24.299 Thomas Gelmi: and this can be a coach, or a friend, or
00:55:24.460 --> 00:55:27.177 Thomas Gelmi: or or a boss, you know.
00:55:27.630 --> 00:55:28.929 Mira Brancu: Or all of them. Yeah.
00:55:28.930 --> 00:55:44.729 Thomas Gelmi: For all of them, because we can grow and develop through self reflection only up to a certain point up to the point where we reach our blind spots and cannot think around the corner unless someone asks a good question. For example, right?
00:55:44.730 --> 00:55:47.269 Thomas Gelmi: So it's been invest in your self-development.
00:55:47.740 --> 00:56:00.194 Mira Brancu: Yeah, excellent. And if they want to work with you or find out more about you. We I'm I'm sharing it here for those of you who are going to be watching and also
00:56:01.320 --> 00:56:09.199 Mira Brancu: to find Thomas. You go to Gelmy, GELM. I dot coach
00:56:09.790 --> 00:56:19.579 Mira Brancu: backslash. You can find out more with, you know backslash Ian backslash who is Thomas Gelmy with hyphens. But gelmy dot coach
00:56:20.320 --> 00:56:29.290 Mira Brancu: all right. Everybody you've heard a lot from Thomas today. What is one takeaway that you
00:56:29.450 --> 00:56:33.989 Mira Brancu: will take away from today, and one small change
00:56:34.200 --> 00:56:50.255 Mira Brancu: that you want to implement this week, based on what you learn from Thomas. I suspect I hope one of those is going to be the Aha! That we are all different, and it's worth understanding. Taking the time to understand these differences right?
00:56:50.770 --> 00:56:58.240 Mira Brancu: whatever it is that you picked up on, and that you decide to adjust and implement this week, share it with us on Linkedin.
00:56:58.430 --> 00:57:04.439 Mira Brancu: Share it with us. At Thomas Gelmy, at Mirabronku, at talk radio at Nyc, so we could cheer you on
00:57:04.750 --> 00:57:25.289 Mira Brancu: talkradio dot Nyc and the hard skills podcast is also available on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Twitch, apple Spotify Amazon all over the place. If today's episode resonated with you, share it. Leave a review, and if also you're looking for more personalized support and working with me, you can head to go towerscope.com.
00:57:25.720 --> 00:57:33.680 Mira Brancu: Thank you to talkradio dot Nyc. For hosting together. We'll navigate the complexities of leadership and emerge stronger on the other side.
00:57:33.780 --> 00:57:45.720 Mira Brancu: Thank you for joining me and Thomas Jelly today on this journey. This is Dr. Mira Bronchi, signing off until next time. Stay, steady, stay present, and keep building those hard skills.
00:57:46.040 --> 00:57:47.009 Mira Brancu: Take care, everybody.
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