The Six:Thirty Call

Thursday, April 1, 2021
Facebook Live Video from 2021/04/01 - How Habits Help

Facebook Live Video from 2021/04/01 - How Habits Help


2021/04/01 - How Habits Help

[NEW EPISODE] How Habits Help

Good habits, good results. It's a cliche, because it's true. Join Ella, Lillie and Keeth as they dissect "Atomic Habits", written by James Clear. They break down what they think are the top 5 takeaways from the book, and how they've applied habit-forming skills to their professional and personal lives. Your habit doesn't have to be life-altering; in fact, the small daily habits make the biggest differences.

Tune in for this lively conversation at or watch the Facebook Video by Going Here.

Show Notes

Segment 1

Ella, Lillie and Keeth all start the episode by reintroducing themselves, and discuss Keeth’s Covid-19 vaccination she recently received, as well as recent vaccination related news. The three also discuss Keeth’s hometown of Toronto, as well as Canada and the Covid-19 restrictions related to traveling in Canada. The three discuss their weeks, focusing on their professional work weeks, and how the first quarter in the fiscal year has recently come to a close. Ella discusses her relationship with money, and how even though she is in control of her money, because of her past in her childhood where she was a bystander in income she becomes anxious about making more money. She continues to explain how she is working to better her relationship with money, and the three discuss how much money one has after they spend money is not as important as one’s ability to make more money after they spend it.

Segment 2

Ella discusses one of her wins of the week, which was a recent real estate transaction she worked through with a difficult seller, and by providing a different viewpoint to the seller she was able to make the deal. Lillie brings up the main topic of the episode, an analysis of the book Atomic Habits written by James Clear, as well as how they implemented the strategies in the book into their daily lives. The three discuss habits they have that they worked on changing for the better in 2020 and 2021. Ella explains a habit she has worked on changing was organizing for her day the day of, which takes up important time in her day, and instead worked towards organizing for her day the night before. She brings up a section of the book where Clear writes how habits are compounded, and forming good habits are easier to do by completing small goal gains before reaching the main goal of the habit. Keeth explains how breaking bad habits or gaining good habits is a war between one’s past self and future self, and how you have to continue to push against yourself to win against yourself. Lillie explains what Clear means by Atomic Habits in his book, and how it is a routine practice of similar habits, and that it is necessary to create a system around the habit you want to gain to be able to gain said habit.

Segment 3

Lillie discusses the bad habit she has where she is incredibly critical of herself, and how during quarantine she realized that being that critical of herself was not helpful in motivating her. She explains how to work towards breaking his habit, whenever she finds herself being critical of herself, she works on reminding herself the positives of both herself and the situation. Keeth discusses how her bad habit that she realized she had was inconsistent and not making use of all of her opportunities, such as waking up early every day, and how she created systems around who she wanted to be, a healthy person, to form consistency in her life. The three discuss how food is always a big topic for many people in the terms of habits, and what systems they’ve created to help them with eating healthy. Lillie discusses her previously professional lifestyle, and how her constant travel for work was not sustainable, that led to her reassessing who she wants to be, allowing her to open her own law firm. Lillie explains how focusing on who you want to be is sometimes more healthier for someone compared to focusing on what you want to achieve.

Segment 4

The three all discuss the principle found in Atomic Habits which is that behavior is the function of the person in their environment. Keeth explains how that point resonated with her, and explains how the three’s pod is a good example of this principle, and how it helps her in her day to day lives. Ella discusses watching the news, and how the continuous stream of news everyday is not healthy, and that the constant news is not enriching for her, and that catching up on the news is a more healthy habit for her compared to constant viewing. Ella brings up the three fold change that Clear discusses in Atomic Habits, and that these changes are necessary to form new habits. Lillie discusses that she wants to make pilates her new habit, allowing her to become more lean. Ella explains that her habit she wants to gain is to create a home work out routine, as she enjoys working out at home more than in the gym. And, Keeth explains how the habit she wants to gain is to go to one cultural exhibit each week in New York, to learn more about the city.


00:00:23.880 --> 00:00:32.790 Ella DeSosa-Butler: hi everyone, welcome to the 630 call I am so excited to be here for our second episode, I remember to unmute myself so that's one when.

00:00:33.960 --> 00:00:39.720 Ella DeSosa-Butler: We got to know each other, a little bit last week, but for those of you who didn't get to join, I am Elijah Sosa Butler.

00:00:40.050 --> 00:00:49.350 Ella DeSosa-Butler: I am a real estate agent with compass, I have been practicing for 15 years in New York City helping new Yorkers navigate buying selling and investing in real estate.

00:00:49.740 --> 00:01:08.250 Ella DeSosa-Butler: And i'm also a basketball mom who doesn't really understand the game of basketball, but I cheer whenever the ball goes in hopefully for the right team, today I am so excited to be hosting with my co host my pod members Lillian sank Eva and let's take it away guys hello, ladies.

00:01:08.430 --> 00:01:11.190 Lillie Nkenchor: Hello Hello Hello hi Keith.

00:01:11.430 --> 00:01:22.260 Lillie Nkenchor: hi i'm excited to be here with you all today yeah i'll do a quick introduction as well is stay in business planning attorney for 13 going on 14 years.

00:01:22.560 --> 00:01:38.700 Lillie Nkenchor: Here in New York City, but originally from Providence Rhode island and I love the fact that the three of us has this group, this pod the sister ship of entrepreneurship, it helps me get myself together and stay organized so today i'm actually at my parents house, I can see.

00:01:40.050 --> 00:01:41.910 Lillie Nkenchor: Trying to their kids.

00:01:43.110 --> 00:01:45.540 Lillie Nkenchor: But yeah i'm glad to be here, how are you feeling key.

00:01:46.680 --> 00:01:55.530 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: i'm just happy to be alive, I mean I got the shot yesterday, the first shot for the vaccine, oh no matter what you think about it, I actually have to take it so.

00:01:56.010 --> 00:02:05.100 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: it's been great I think i'm just going to count that as a win right there right starting right there um so i'm a corporate attorney practicing for almost 13 years.

00:02:06.540 --> 00:02:10.140 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Originally from Toronto Toronto New York that's a place.

00:02:10.290 --> 00:02:11.400 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Where is until Canada.

00:02:12.090 --> 00:02:13.200 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Toronto Canada.

00:02:13.620 --> 00:02:27.150 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And i've been in the states for quite some time and I practice in New York and Massachusetts and i'm also excited to be part of this group and just because we could talk about everything in anything we're just bringing that to you guys right now.

00:02:28.920 --> 00:02:32.310 Lillie Nkenchor: Very well, shot, did you take, by the way my which maker.

00:02:32.820 --> 00:02:42.780 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: So I got Pfizer yeah so right now Pfizer Madonna and Johnson Johnson are out there, so I got Pfizer because I guess that's the shot that was available.

00:02:43.140 --> 00:02:44.760 Ella DeSosa-Butler: that's the one shot or the two.

00:02:45.210 --> 00:02:48.840 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: That that's the two shot, the one shot is Johnson Johnson okay yeah.

00:02:48.930 --> 00:02:54.360 Lillie Nkenchor: Yesterday, because i'm at my parents house and they consume news like most people consume water.

00:02:55.950 --> 00:03:02.220 Lillie Nkenchor: There were talking about how something happened at the Johnson and Johnson factory, and now they had to like destroy millions of.

00:03:03.270 --> 00:03:09.540 Lillie Nkenchor: vaccine next patients due to spoiling or something like that i'm like Oh, this is exactly the news that I want to hear right.

00:03:11.700 --> 00:03:24.930 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: it's crazy, because I was seeing this meme today and I posted actually about Ryan Reynolds is hilarious, by the way, also Canadian Okay, and he posted this thing of him getting the shot and he goes finally got five g okay.

00:03:25.590 --> 00:03:29.520 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Apparently, that increases your chances of getting good reception, no matter what it.

00:03:29.520 --> 00:03:37.080 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: is turning it you turn you into an alien whatever it's a whole new life as a go for its 2020 possibility of new things.

00:03:37.320 --> 00:03:45.540 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Like Ryan sarcasm yeah yeah Canadians are funny a lot of comedians are Canadian Jim carrey Ryan Reynolds like.

00:03:45.720 --> 00:03:46.080 To make.

00:03:47.400 --> 00:03:48.960 Ella DeSosa-Butler: A lot of Canadians are.

00:03:49.020 --> 00:03:50.430 Ella DeSosa-Butler: comedians there's.

00:03:50.670 --> 00:03:52.800 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: A coping mechanism to deal with the cold.

00:03:54.300 --> 00:04:03.030 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: yeah it's cold out there, ladies I don't know I don't know if you've been but it's cold and also people think that we're Nice.

00:04:03.660 --> 00:04:04.590 Lillie Nkenchor: Not Nice.

00:04:06.660 --> 00:04:12.180 Ella DeSosa-Butler: They are nice I feel like Canada hasn't had a lot of wars and things and like they.

00:04:12.840 --> 00:04:13.890 Lillie Nkenchor: just making America.

00:04:17.280 --> 00:04:20.280 Ella DeSosa-Butler: that's the telltale sign of being Nice, have you been to many wars.

00:04:21.210 --> 00:04:30.240 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: First of all, I don't know if we have the manpower for the wars there's like only 30 million people versus 360 million people in America right that and also.

00:04:32.430 --> 00:04:37.260 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: it's called man trying to do and who's gonna come there to invade Canada.

00:04:39.390 --> 00:04:40.590 Lillie Nkenchor: A glutton for punishment.

00:04:42.300 --> 00:04:47.040 Lillie Nkenchor: asked about Toronto i'm really serious, I want to go to your neck of the woods and hang out there, this summer.

00:04:47.100 --> 00:04:47.400 you're.

00:04:48.660 --> 00:04:49.920 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: gonna love it i'm sorry i'm a.

00:04:49.920 --> 00:04:54.720 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: proud turn on Tony and I and unashamed just like drop it all the time.

00:04:54.990 --> 00:05:05.130 Lillie Nkenchor: I feel like because you girls know that i'm on this little nomad quest right so after I go to certain cities in the US i'm kind of tapped out like you know how you us is huge.

00:05:05.400 --> 00:05:10.530 Lillie Nkenchor: But when you boil it down to the places, you would actually want to be for an extended period of time there's like 12.

00:05:10.860 --> 00:05:24.810 Lillie Nkenchor: So i'm like crap i'm running out of cities so, then I thought of Toronto it's a city it's metropolitan its diverse it's still close to New York it's on the same Eastern time zone, why not yeah.

00:05:24.930 --> 00:05:33.510 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: You just I mean I think they're pretty particular if you think you've got to be vaccinated or just even go and i'm Canadian, we have to quarantine once we're there.

00:05:33.570 --> 00:05:37.950 Lillie Nkenchor: i'm getting vaccinated now I put my name on some list, hopefully somebody will call me someday.

00:05:38.100 --> 00:05:47.160 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: So let's just make sure that the legit list really show up and running, Bob in the corner be like without Okay, and just let's jab you a little off here.

00:05:47.550 --> 00:05:47.970 Ella DeSosa-Butler: By the way.

00:05:48.240 --> 00:05:50.430 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Do you guys hear the sound outside my window.

00:05:50.670 --> 00:05:52.350 Lillie Nkenchor: No, but we see like elevator lift.

00:05:53.370 --> 00:05:57.510 Ella DeSosa-Butler: This is what it's like living in New York, I have like men like hanging over my window like he's.

00:05:59.400 --> 00:06:00.000 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Like yeah.

00:06:00.930 --> 00:06:02.250 Ella DeSosa-Butler: He was gone, but whatever.

00:06:03.390 --> 00:06:04.170 Lillie Nkenchor: it's all good.

00:06:04.740 --> 00:06:10.410 Ella DeSosa-Butler: So, how was your week so far, what wins challenges, you know tell me about it.

00:06:10.710 --> 00:06:13.740 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: I mean I started off with the the shot, but also just.

00:06:14.520 --> 00:06:29.310 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: it's end of the month here we're closing out q1 so it's just like seeing how this first quarter of this new year went and it's been crazy and you know ladies we've got to come out for our quarter mix up right now me cracking the whip okay.

00:06:29.370 --> 00:06:30.630 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Oh, my God so.

00:06:30.690 --> 00:06:31.770 Lillie Nkenchor: get ready in.

00:06:32.220 --> 00:06:33.090 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Time again.

00:06:34.950 --> 00:06:35.610 Ella DeSosa-Butler: volume.

00:06:35.970 --> 00:06:39.120 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: i'm excited i'm excited I don't know about y'all.

00:06:39.930 --> 00:06:44.550 Ella DeSosa-Butler: I am, by the way, I need a sedative when dealing with saying Keith that because she scares me.

00:06:44.670 --> 00:06:52.290 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: I am does Gary we talked about the loving guidance before Okay, I never raised my voice, you know this and i'm always very calm.

00:06:53.490 --> 00:06:55.050 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Okay, I need it, though.

00:06:55.170 --> 00:07:00.210 Lillie Nkenchor: This is, and besides ella last podcast you share with everyone like you need pressure.

00:07:00.420 --> 00:07:04.590 Lillie Nkenchor: I do so Keith is your perfect person she's like your soulmate.

00:07:05.370 --> 00:07:14.850 Ella DeSosa-Butler: No totally I remember, I also said I functioned in crisis, so I need the pressure and the crisis is where i'm freaking out over like I have to report to send keep I have to report to say.

00:07:14.970 --> 00:07:18.570 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: This is not the image that I was hoping to hear.

00:07:19.530 --> 00:07:20.040 sort.

00:07:21.600 --> 00:07:33.420 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Like all systems Report No, I just want to make sure how I think the questions I ask is like ha, how can we didn't meet those numbers let's let's dig deeper right now what's going on with that okay.

00:07:34.410 --> 00:07:39.690 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: I think you just interpret they're like oh my God this chick over here is asking me some shit right now.

00:07:39.810 --> 00:07:41.700 Ella DeSosa-Butler: yeah she's asking me to be accountable.

00:07:44.310 --> 00:07:45.000 Lillie Nkenchor: Absolutely.

00:07:45.390 --> 00:07:45.900 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: I think her.

00:07:45.990 --> 00:07:52.380 Lillie Nkenchor: And it this way, but yesterday I had a call with someone I wouldn't call her a financial planner more like a financial consultant.

00:07:54.000 --> 00:08:01.620 Lillie Nkenchor: I guess is the best way to describe her, and we really you know how we add the end of last year, beginning of this year we really comb through.

00:08:02.040 --> 00:08:11.610 Lillie Nkenchor: The numbers like how much do you need to make what does that mean in terms of clients, what does that mean, and how much you need to charge people, so I did that, essentially, again with this woman.

00:08:12.000 --> 00:08:21.900 Lillie Nkenchor: And my telltale takeaway and already spoke to me about this was the number that I need to make every month is larger than anything i've ever earned today.

00:08:22.680 --> 00:08:30.540 Lillie Nkenchor: mm hmm and i'm really proud of myself, because it didn't make me feel like oh my God you can't do this, this is unreasonable.

00:08:30.960 --> 00:08:45.090 Lillie Nkenchor: Because of working with you, ladies and having our pod and just reading and all of these things My first reaction was Okay, that I can do that I can make that amount of money in New York, where everyone is making money doing bs.

00:08:46.350 --> 00:08:46.530 Lillie Nkenchor: I.

00:08:46.770 --> 00:09:01.080 Lillie Nkenchor: make money with the legitimate skill set I haven't made it to date, but that doesn't mean I can't make it so that was my like ooh I can do this i'm going to get these dollars and i'm going to be wealthy okay.

00:09:01.500 --> 00:09:02.070 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Yes.

00:09:02.160 --> 00:09:11.010 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: You know, can I can I just say this, I think a lot of people need to just get comfortable with talking about money as a.

00:09:12.000 --> 00:09:20.010 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Without any emotions attached to it in the sense or connotations or classifications attached to it and be unapologetic about making money.

00:09:20.580 --> 00:09:30.360 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And I think women in general fall into that because I don't know any guy that doesn't want to talk about it, or you know issues about I think people also talk about the negative sense that.

00:09:30.630 --> 00:09:37.020 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: I don't have it, I need to have it there's a stress value attached to it things of that nature right like coming from a scarcity mentality.

00:09:37.350 --> 00:09:42.660 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: But instead of saying like no I need X amount this month i'm going for y amount.

00:09:43.350 --> 00:09:50.880 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: This is what I need you know and there's it's a complete factual statement without the emotions attached to it right, and I think.

00:09:51.270 --> 00:09:55.290 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: I hate to say like this, I don't even want to add energy to it and saying it like this, but.

00:09:55.650 --> 00:10:02.640 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: women get really, really touchy about money and I don't even want to say just women actually when I think about it, people are funny about money.

00:10:03.360 --> 00:10:14.130 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Okay, and that is real, so I just kind of want to normalize just saying it out loud like it's okay that's that's your reality that's good she's like oh it's too classy to talk about it it's.

00:10:15.510 --> 00:10:28.980 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: you're saying it in a way of boasting you're saying in a way of like fight and being a victim you can't when you just can't Okay, so you might as well just say the factual like numbers don't lie yeah yeah yeah.

00:10:29.070 --> 00:10:31.920 Lillie Nkenchor: Oh, are you about to say something about money, I wasn't sure.

00:10:32.520 --> 00:10:45.000 Ella DeSosa-Butler: um no just that i've one I mean, I think, yes i'm very I have a weird relationship with money i'm i'm not i'm scared of not having it so you know I live in fear.

00:10:46.350 --> 00:10:56.610 Ella DeSosa-Butler: And I don't need I don't think that has a lot to do with my adult life, I think it has to do with like my my earlier life when I was a kid my dad had money and then you lost money and so just the ups and downs of that.

00:10:57.480 --> 00:11:01.710 Ella DeSosa-Butler: So it's like I never want to go back there again i'm always like hoarding money.

00:11:01.950 --> 00:11:05.730 Ella DeSosa-Butler: You know what I mean like if I I would put like the money I earned under a mattress if I could.

00:11:07.440 --> 00:11:07.800 Ella DeSosa-Butler: like it.

00:11:09.000 --> 00:11:12.960 Ella DeSosa-Butler: and honestly I think I would be that way, no matter how much money, I had.

00:11:13.290 --> 00:11:15.090 Ella DeSosa-Butler: You know that's what I have to work out.

00:11:15.150 --> 00:11:25.500 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Like you know i'm not a little girl anymore, you know the sky is not going to fall in because, because now i'm not a bystander in my in what's happening life I love it so.

00:11:26.190 --> 00:11:34.530 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: You know the best story I had with money and the perception of money was I was out with one of my girlfriends and i've said it now because of that experience with her.

00:11:35.070 --> 00:11:43.140 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And she was we all have to go pay the bill and randomly everybody was distracted so she just threw a credit card down and she's like let's go.

00:11:43.410 --> 00:11:52.260 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And we were all like what the hell like let's chip in like I don't want you to take, and she just looked at all of us calm as hell and she's like i'm not poor let's go.

00:11:52.830 --> 00:12:03.630 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: right here yeah Okay, that was the end of it, and she just walked out she's like I don't have time for not worth my mental real estate you guys will get me in some other fashion let's go.

00:12:04.320 --> 00:12:04.680 hey.

00:12:06.300 --> 00:12:11.760 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: It was great and now, when I think about it, because what she doesn't have she doesn't have a scarcity mentality.

00:12:12.300 --> 00:12:21.660 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: You know the what she is when she said she's not, for she means she's not for in faith she's not for in her ability to make more yes so she's just like.

00:12:22.500 --> 00:12:32.970 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: that's the thing and that's why, when I was sometimes when I tell you guys, it was like we're not poor why, why are we stressed about this it's not about the amount of money in your bank account it's your ability and capacity to make more.

00:12:34.740 --> 00:12:35.700 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: To that yeah.

00:12:35.910 --> 00:12:38.700 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Like she's always expanding she's not like this is it.

00:12:38.820 --> 00:12:39.210 Ella DeSosa-Butler: This is.

00:12:40.470 --> 00:12:46.950 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: my card let's go I the mental real estate for me to negotiate those like 15 people here is not worth my time.

00:12:48.330 --> 00:12:50.910 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: yeah it was so bad, as I had to like I was like.

00:12:51.360 --> 00:12:52.740 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Oh, that makes me sort of tingle.

00:12:52.740 --> 00:12:56.340 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: I i'm not gonna lie, I might impede a little when I heard it too I wasn't.

00:12:57.810 --> 00:13:03.540 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: I was like this is the boss move just because of the energy she put out and it was like love it adopting it.

00:13:03.870 --> 00:13:04.740 Lillie Nkenchor: We love it.

00:13:04.860 --> 00:13:09.030 Lillie Nkenchor: Oh, my God tells her that she's an inspiration to us and we haven't even met her.

00:13:09.270 --> 00:13:09.780 Absolutely.

00:13:11.280 --> 00:13:16.020 Ella DeSosa-Butler: By the way, I suggest you guys get coffee cups because on all talk shows, they have coffee cups.

00:13:16.110 --> 00:13:18.240 Lillie Nkenchor: Oh OK, I can use this again.

00:13:19.830 --> 00:13:26.910 Lillie Nkenchor: Please perfect right um but we'll be back after this commercial break, so we can continue our conversation thanks everybody.

00:16:23.490 --> 00:16:35.880 Lillie Nkenchor: Welcome back everyone during our commercial break, we were talking behind the scenes in Li thought it was good for you to share like the wind that you had this week about your real estate client and how we're all emotionally attached to the value of our property.

00:16:36.600 --> 00:16:49.050 Ella DeSosa-Butler: My gosh yes So yes, so last week, I told you about that client who's wonderful she's um you know moving out moving from New York City and buying a place out in long island and.

00:16:49.650 --> 00:16:57.540 Ella DeSosa-Butler: She got you got a great offer now, not only do I knew it and to know it's a great offer because you know i've done the comps and everything but.

00:16:58.110 --> 00:17:03.450 Ella DeSosa-Butler: The property's been on the market for about a month and a half and there hasn't been a lot of viewing activity.

00:17:03.810 --> 00:17:12.900 Ella DeSosa-Butler: which shows that it's sort of priced a little bit above where the market is so the price that we got is almost almost asked, and she was like no, I want to ask.

00:17:13.230 --> 00:17:23.430 Ella DeSosa-Butler: So you know we were sort of having a moment and I sat down with her and I took a different approach, I worked out the numbers like what you'd have to pay in capital gains taxes.

00:17:23.820 --> 00:17:33.570 Ella DeSosa-Butler: What it would cost her if she ended up holding the property for another two months and that you know, and that that would eat into what she thought she was losing.

00:17:34.110 --> 00:17:46.530 Ella DeSosa-Butler: In this you know $20,000 more that she wanted to make that she wasn't getting right and it ended up you know being like you know six $7,000 and not enough to lose this deal which.

00:17:46.980 --> 00:17:57.060 Ella DeSosa-Butler: The sellers had had shown good faith by coming up in their offer so not only is she sort of adjusting but the sellers have adjusted, I mean the buyers have adjusted a lot, so I just took.

00:17:57.420 --> 00:18:06.810 Ella DeSosa-Butler: A different approach by kind of you know, look making her look at the entire financial picture and so that was a win you know.

00:18:07.470 --> 00:18:17.100 Lillie Nkenchor: So really the strategy yeah she needed to see that losing 6000 or the $6,000 difference it wasn't worth it right right yeah Nice.

00:18:17.730 --> 00:18:30.600 Lillie Nkenchor: Well, as everyone knows, this is our accountability group, and one of the ways that we hold each other accountable is by working on our habits and I think it was was it wasn't you Keith who recommended our next book.

00:18:31.020 --> 00:18:34.650 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: That we're going to share with ella because I just started reading it.

00:18:35.880 --> 00:18:39.090 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: was because she was she read it way before.

00:18:39.630 --> 00:18:50.670 Lillie Nkenchor: yeah so so Allah has created her own official like oprah's book club and told us to read atomic habits by James clear so shout out to Jay year.

00:18:51.270 --> 00:18:58.860 Lillie Nkenchor: We all read his atomic habit book and what we thought today's episode could be about is just sharing the High Level takeaways.

00:18:59.190 --> 00:19:07.560 Lillie Nkenchor: giving you a synopsis of one with the book is about, and then to how we've taken james's principles and apply them to our.

00:19:07.920 --> 00:19:13.230 Lillie Nkenchor: personal and professional lives, one of the things that was really awesome about the book that reminded us was.

00:19:13.800 --> 00:19:24.150 Lillie Nkenchor: it's never too late to start a habit if you're looking at like how things have happened in your past up until now, you might be thinking on could have done that differently and the data and you're thinking of how you can do it.

00:19:24.870 --> 00:19:41.220 Lillie Nkenchor: Better so one thing i'd like to throw out to you ella is when you think about 2020 Is there something that happened in 2020 or a habit that you notice about yourself in 2020 that you do not like in your intent is to change it for 2021.

00:19:42.930 --> 00:19:44.460 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Yes, so.

00:19:44.670 --> 00:19:51.450 Ella DeSosa-Butler: My worst habit professionally speaking, is, I do not consistently organize my.

00:19:52.410 --> 00:20:02.220 Ella DeSosa-Butler: day the night before, so I you know I have every time I get home, I have every intention i'm like i'm going to organize my day and then next thing you know i'm like sitting with a.

00:20:02.640 --> 00:20:11.430 Ella DeSosa-Butler: thing of popcorn watching shark tank and it's done i'm like done for the night so and then I wake up the next morning, and you know that time it takes you to organize.

00:20:11.790 --> 00:20:16.500 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Your day the date of it, it just I don't know what it just orient me.

00:20:17.340 --> 00:20:30.480 Ella DeSosa-Butler: right because you're just not you're just I don't know it was just disorienting so that's something that I definitely want to change, and I have been practicing changing in 2021 and i've gotten better and this book definitely helped me with that.

00:20:31.290 --> 00:20:34.950 Lillie Nkenchor: Nice I love that So how have you changed that.

00:20:36.030 --> 00:20:40.500 Lillie Nkenchor: So far, like do you like force yourself, is there an alarm that goes off now for you.

00:20:40.980 --> 00:20:45.840 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Right so Okay, so one of the interesting things that he speaks about in the book is.

00:20:46.770 --> 00:20:59.640 Ella DeSosa-Butler: The idea of like habits are like compounded and he gives he gives a really good example, and I will tell you this because this was actually sort of juicy to me in the book he talks about this British cycling team.

00:21:00.180 --> 00:21:10.350 Ella DeSosa-Butler: That um you know I don't maybe in the 50s or 60s when they when he was you know studying them, they were not a very successful team they hadn't won any of the major tours and stuff like that.

00:21:10.650 --> 00:21:23.730 Ella DeSosa-Butler: So they brought in this trainer who you know impose this idea of like marginal gains and so what it is it's not just looking at it's basically small wins along the way.

00:21:24.300 --> 00:21:32.880 Ella DeSosa-Butler: To help you to achieve that goal, you want, so he you know looks at this team he studies them and he starts to make these small changes so he.

00:21:33.240 --> 00:21:43.110 Ella DeSosa-Butler: redesigned their bike seats so they're more comfortable so they can ride more comfortably for longer and therefore exhort more energy consistently for longer he.

00:21:44.490 --> 00:21:55.320 Ella DeSosa-Butler: designs or buys these has the more these like heated biking shorts which somehow like helps your muscle, you know work better for longer he.

00:21:56.250 --> 00:22:05.430 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Has them all shave which I know that we all know that bikers and swimmers do this, like a wax right because apparently that really like snips off like milliseconds off of your performance.

00:22:05.880 --> 00:22:16.380 Ella DeSosa-Butler: And I mean even things like looking at the mattresses that they were sleeping on so they you know he found a mattress that would get give them better sleep and better pillows so the next day, they would perform better.

00:22:17.070 --> 00:22:32.160 Ella DeSosa-Butler: So, at the end after all of these things that he done, and these were just a few of them like after a year and a half, they won their first tour, and they went on to continue winning from all of these small marginal gains that affected their performance.

00:22:33.000 --> 00:22:41.820 Ella DeSosa-Butler: You know, and this actually reminds me of you know that parable I think you'd call it a parable about the wood, the guy who's chopping down the tree.

00:22:42.330 --> 00:22:53.130 Ella DeSosa-Butler: And he keeps chopping and he's chopping this giant tree let's say a Redwood tree in San Francisco and the the you know thousand chop the tree finally falls over.

00:22:53.610 --> 00:23:00.060 Ella DeSosa-Butler: And the messages it's not the final chop that had the tree falls over it's the 999 before that.

00:23:00.870 --> 00:23:05.970 Ella DeSosa-Butler: it's the aggregated right the aggregation of all the work and all the little things so.

00:23:06.330 --> 00:23:13.320 Ella DeSosa-Butler: um you know that's probably one of the things that that I got most from it so i'll apply that not not to um.

00:23:13.650 --> 00:23:20.580 Ella DeSosa-Butler: My organization first i'm going to apply it to working out first because that's another thing that you know, like most people I can never do consistently.

00:23:21.360 --> 00:23:29.820 Ella DeSosa-Butler: So Okay, this is pretty funny so i'm like Okay, what are all the little things I can do to make that big thing happen, which is working out.

00:23:30.270 --> 00:23:37.830 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Okay, so I started having a complete shower like my full on shave wash your hair do everything shower The night before.

00:23:38.520 --> 00:23:53.070 Ella DeSosa-Butler: I went and I got really cute exercise things instead of my usually crappy things I were to the gym which don't really make me feel that great right, so I got these little stylish gym things so I have this whole entire shower and then I put on my cute gym clothes and I sleep in them.

00:23:56.160 --> 00:24:02.400 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Because I need that I need to go that far, some of people other people may not right and I sleep in them.

00:24:03.840 --> 00:24:12.120 Ella DeSosa-Butler: I also got a new pillow which actually helps me to sleep better because i've told you guys i'm not the best sleeper that has been helping me a little bit um.

00:24:12.750 --> 00:24:19.530 Ella DeSosa-Butler: I have, like my my alexa set to have an alarm my podcast go off at like six o'clock.

00:24:20.460 --> 00:24:29.940 Ella DeSosa-Butler: So I have that going because that wakes me up and then I went out and got a new alarm clock because I used to set my alarm on my phone, but I got a regular old alarm clock and I put it across the way.

00:24:30.450 --> 00:24:35.610 Ella DeSosa-Butler: You know, so I did that, and then I put my jump rope in the bathroom.

00:24:36.180 --> 00:24:50.250 Ella DeSosa-Butler: So when all that happens, the podcast goes off so i'm awake my alarm goes off, so I have to get up i'm in my exercise clothes already I have no excuse I walked down to the bathroom and my jump rope is nice and ready for me and that's, the first thing i'm staring at.

00:24:51.000 --> 00:24:53.010 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Her brush my teeth i'm ready to go.

00:24:53.370 --> 00:24:56.640 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: I love, all of this is a compounded and habit stacked everything.

00:24:58.830 --> 00:25:08.190 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: she's like do you like literally she's biohacking her life her bio hacks her own self to like to have to like it's a war with yourself.

00:25:08.550 --> 00:25:17.070 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Totally secure yourself in it's a war between your future self and your previous self and in between is your regular right here current so.

00:25:17.340 --> 00:25:26.040 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: That battling both of them it's crazy I did something very similar but I love, how you just stepped it up like step by step, like this and that's exactly how he talks about in the.

00:25:26.550 --> 00:25:33.960 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: In the book as well, too, because here too for before yesterday, or before last year, I could not do a full pushup.

00:25:34.530 --> 00:25:40.290 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: So I could do you know sit ups, I used to be a gymnast I used to do all of that, but for some reason.

00:25:40.710 --> 00:25:49.470 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: This fear of doing a push up and i'm land on my face has kept me from doing a bowl push up so i've done it on my knees and i'm now on my.

00:25:50.220 --> 00:26:04.770 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Full hands now so now, I have a exercise mat rolled up right next to the side of my bed I have and i'm supposed to do 20 push ups right when I get up take a glass of water taking my whatever gummy vitamins, I have to roll up.

00:26:06.030 --> 00:26:15.240 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And then, and I do 20 push ups and right after that I meditate because my meditation cushion is right by that too so it's the step step step to do it.

00:26:15.600 --> 00:26:31.050 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And it's like honestly because it's right there you have no excuse it's been my field of vision, when I wake up and it's there and i'm I failed in this only because it's been a busy time but, and I have different clients and different areas of zip codes and area codes.

00:26:33.180 --> 00:26:46.290 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: So I used to keep my phone in another room, so what would wake me up is, I have a light like an ascending light alarm that basically increases light when awake it's a wake up alarm that also has light.

00:26:46.920 --> 00:26:56.610 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And I have that set for 435 o'clock and then it goes from there, but recently i've been having the phone just because you know, like.

00:26:57.750 --> 00:27:06.690 Lillie Nkenchor: yeah that's awesome I think James clear would be proud of both of you, because he's he when he talks about a time tomic habits what he's saying is.

00:27:07.110 --> 00:27:14.670 Lillie Nkenchor: it's a routine practice that small small it's a series of small practices, but when you add up the small practices.

00:27:15.000 --> 00:27:23.820 Lillie Nkenchor: It results in an incredible source of power that's how James clear defines an atomic habit, because his whole thing is bad habits are repeated.

00:27:24.180 --> 00:27:35.520 Lillie Nkenchor: Not because you don't want to change people want to change, they have an idea, they have a vision of what they would like to be, but the reason they can't change is because they don't have the right system needed to change.

00:27:35.850 --> 00:27:42.810 Lillie Nkenchor: So someone like ella could have said Oh, I really want to start going to the gym but because they haven't put a system, together with the.

00:27:43.140 --> 00:27:52.470 Lillie Nkenchor: workout gear next to the jump rope next to the water or they might be like Keith who are like I need to wake up early but they don't have the alarm clock with the lights next to the mat.

00:27:52.800 --> 00:28:03.120 Lillie Nkenchor: They don't have a system, so this wish and this idea just stays as a wish and i'm an idea, so when we talk about all the High Level points that we're going to share today.

00:28:03.420 --> 00:28:17.250 Lillie Nkenchor: It all relates to an atomic habit is a routine practice of small and incredible well small habits that lead to incredible results and I love how ella kicked us off with the first main.

00:28:17.820 --> 00:28:25.170 Lillie Nkenchor: aspect of first main takeaway which is just compounding habits, is the same way as compounding interest interest like $1 today.

00:28:25.650 --> 00:28:33.960 Lillie Nkenchor: If interest keeps getting applied turns into X number of dollars five years from now, but if you just look at the $1 today you're thinking up.

00:28:34.320 --> 00:28:48.240 Lillie Nkenchor: it's not a lot of money, but the little things that you add to it, the little habits, the little interest turns it into something amazing so when we come back we'll finish the other four takeaways that we got from atomic habit so we'll see you guys shortly.

00:31:35.850 --> 00:31:40.320 Lillie Nkenchor: Welcome back welcome back one thing that we were talking about behind the.

00:31:40.980 --> 00:31:48.180 Lillie Nkenchor: scenes is how 2020 was just so tumultuous and it really put us face to face with a whole bunch of habits and bad habits that we had.

00:31:48.480 --> 00:32:00.270 Lillie Nkenchor: And I love that Ellis shared her habit that she's now changing for 2021 I didn't realize in 2020 and probably i'm sure a lot sooner than that that I have this habit of being very hard on myself.

00:32:00.900 --> 00:32:09.120 Lillie Nkenchor: And I told the girls i've heard that from many people in the past, oh little you're hard on yourself you're hard on yourself but to me, I was just like successful people are hard on yourself like.

00:32:09.480 --> 00:32:14.580 Lillie Nkenchor: On themselves, of course, i'm hard on myself you if you were hard on yourself honey, maybe you'd be more successful right.

00:32:16.920 --> 00:32:21.870 Lillie Nkenchor: I was like there's nothing wrong with being hard on yourself, when I was trapped in this.

00:32:22.920 --> 00:32:32.520 Lillie Nkenchor: apartment I realized how hard on myself, I really am and I realized that to a certain point it's motivational and then after that is completely useless.

00:32:33.510 --> 00:32:40.050 Lillie Nkenchor: So when I i'm in 2021 what i've started doing is when I start to feel hard on myself.

00:32:40.650 --> 00:32:50.490 Lillie Nkenchor: I will replace that thought, with two positive things that are happening in my life right now to help me recalibrate because a lot of times when i'm hard on myself is because i'm thinking i'm not doing enough.

00:32:51.000 --> 00:32:59.760 Lillie Nkenchor: or i'm doing something incorrectly, so, if I can remind myself of the good things that are happening, it decreases the chances of me going down that.

00:33:00.600 --> 00:33:08.850 Lillie Nkenchor: Whatever that dumpster fire and whatever you want to call it Keith what's the habit that you notice in 2020 that you're trying to change for 2021.

00:33:09.630 --> 00:33:22.590 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And I think what I the consistency really so I really do my best work in the morning, I really am early riser I you know the serotonin is up okay.

00:33:22.950 --> 00:33:27.360 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And i'm ready to like roll and I wasn't taking advantage of that.

00:33:27.780 --> 00:33:37.170 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And that's the reason why I was really trying to work on getting up early and having a consistent writing habit, which is what I am hoping to do because of the fact that.

00:33:37.500 --> 00:33:42.960 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: best ideas come then and I can really have no distractions at that time so.

00:33:43.380 --> 00:33:56.940 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: This whole thing the prep that I had said about doing the workout doing the meditation it's all prep for that, and that was the reason why I wanted to I knew that that was the foundation for a better kind of person that I wanted to be.

00:33:57.990 --> 00:34:06.690 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And so, those were the systems that were set up for the goal, so it was never like Oh, I have a goal of this it's more or less, I have a system for this, so if I wanted the better results.

00:34:06.960 --> 00:34:12.060 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: I wanted to stop thinking about the goal and using that as a you know.

00:34:12.420 --> 00:34:21.900 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: far away kind of light in at the end of the tunnel, but just focus on the everyday systems that Allah had brought up like you had brought up as well, the daily, because I can only focus today that's it.

00:34:22.260 --> 00:34:28.980 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: I can only focus on on my tasks that I need to do today so and James clear talks about this as well to were.

00:34:29.370 --> 00:34:38.940 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Basically biohacking your own self so that you can create systems that go towards the type of person that you want to be and how you want to.

00:34:39.810 --> 00:34:50.700 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: perceive yourself, so what struck out with me was like do you want to be a healthy person so every action that you do at that point is like you ask yourself what a healthy person do they eat this doughnut.

00:34:51.420 --> 00:34:59.580 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: After you went and worked out, or would they go grab protein and they would they grab veggies to refuel or maybe a protein drink or something.

00:35:00.630 --> 00:35:10.770 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And so that really just helped me align my systems as well, because it allowed me to focus on what would create the best type of systems for me.

00:35:11.040 --> 00:35:19.380 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: So it did, I want to be a healthy person, so I created systems that would allow for that the type of food, I ordered a food delivery service that allowed me to.

00:35:19.680 --> 00:35:32.760 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: input all of the macros in the Microsoft last whenever I did work out okay so it's very, very finely tuned so so very busy person, so I don't have the time I knew that I wouldn't have the time to cook as much so, I had to get those.

00:35:33.180 --> 00:35:40.200 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: So, knowing myself first was the first step in that system, knowing what I wasn't showing up and being honest with myself let's be honest like.

00:35:40.410 --> 00:35:45.960 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: I wasn't thinking about the best version of thinking that I was thinking about the worst version i'm thinking that that didn't.

00:35:46.350 --> 00:35:54.810 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: perform our wasn't wasn't reacting, the best way that healthy person should be as well, too, and then also really.

00:35:55.530 --> 00:36:01.140 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: booking everything into my calendar, the workouts we're putting the calendar, the wake up time.

00:36:01.530 --> 00:36:10.980 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: The go to sleep time I have a go to sleep alarm that goes off on every single device okay literally, which means, I have to go around and shut off all five devices okay.

00:36:11.310 --> 00:36:15.510 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: This is the way that i'm like oh my God I better go to sleep now okay i'm just tired myself out.

00:36:16.170 --> 00:36:27.480 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Alright, so there's a go to sleep alarm it's very, very embarrassing when you're on the phone with someone they're like what is that and what is happening is that a fire alarm, I was like technically no it's go to sleep alarm they're like.

00:36:30.420 --> 00:36:40.500 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Just like then there's, no, no, I just need to go to sleep and then there's like Okay, I actually picked up that from ramin seti he has a go to sleep alarm at 930.

00:36:42.810 --> 00:36:44.160 Okay that's your go to sleep.

00:36:45.180 --> 00:36:47.040 Ella DeSosa-Butler: that's my that's my wake up alarm.

00:36:47.190 --> 00:36:48.300 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: We go Hello yeah.

00:36:48.780 --> 00:36:49.890 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And then, I have a different.

00:36:49.890 --> 00:37:06.330 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: tone, the system also has a different tone for waking up so one is kind of like so it's like Pavlovian ways of how to make me go to sleep and then way to be to wake up as well to has helped as well to what other systems have you girls been doing.

00:37:08.280 --> 00:37:08.580 Lillie Nkenchor: yeah.

00:37:08.940 --> 00:37:19.560 Ella DeSosa-Butler: I can I just say something quickly that one of the things that I don't know if this is, I think this is this is in the book atomic habits, but I actually use this yesterday so.

00:37:20.370 --> 00:37:27.750 Ella DeSosa-Butler: A lot of times food is a big thing for people like either losing weight, or just being more healthy right just eat more healthy, so I always tell you i'm always trying to be.

00:37:28.050 --> 00:37:37.200 Ella DeSosa-Butler: A more mindful eater because i'm a stress eater so and I stress, he just like greasy bagels with butter, you know just not the healthiest thing so yesterday.

00:37:37.650 --> 00:37:44.400 Ella DeSosa-Butler: um something happened and it was something like mild but, like, I think I, like you know, like a lot of people, I have this low level anxiety.

00:37:44.820 --> 00:37:52.500 Ella DeSosa-Butler: You know, like you have a deadline and there's that low level anxiety nothing's wrong it's just that you have a deadline right so.

00:37:53.010 --> 00:38:04.260 Ella DeSosa-Butler: I go to starbucks and I buy a banana nope love bread and that wasn't enough, I had and I had just eaten lunch, by the way, a little while ago, and like a ham and cheese Croissant and i'm like.

00:38:04.800 --> 00:38:13.410 Ella DeSosa-Butler: I just shove, it in my face right and so i'm like Why did I do, that I wasn't hungry, you know I have this basically two other lunches.

00:38:13.980 --> 00:38:24.000 Ella DeSosa-Butler: And so I that night I was sitting around, and so I was like look what you've done Allah you can't have your dessert that you would enjoy tonight and I literally sat in my feelings.

00:38:24.330 --> 00:38:31.680 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Because usually that would happen, and you would just be like okay yeah you know, but I, as I was jumping rope I was like look at how you feel right now.

00:38:32.280 --> 00:38:37.440 Ella DeSosa-Butler: And how guilty you feel for doing that, when it wasn't it was totally unnecessary.

00:38:38.070 --> 00:38:51.150 Ella DeSosa-Butler: You know what I mean it was like you alone in two bagels basically so I was like remember this feeling, so the next time you have that anxiety you don't make that mistake but sometimes it takes just kind of sitting in it so.

00:38:51.660 --> 00:38:58.950 Lillie Nkenchor: Right now that's really good and a system that i've created is i'm like you keep them really good in the morning, like my brain is on all cylinders.

00:38:59.250 --> 00:39:07.140 Lillie Nkenchor: So i've created the system with my team, where I don't take any client appointments or any networking calls or anything until after 2pm.

00:39:07.830 --> 00:39:21.330 Lillie Nkenchor: So between basically i'm in front of my desk i'm up early doing my whole miracle morning routine for them by 8am I start the heavy lifting of the legal stuff that I need to take care of and I do that till about 12.

00:39:21.900 --> 00:39:31.260 Lillie Nkenchor: So I have four to five hours of me of uninterrupted legal time it's a good system for me because, by the time to 3pm rolls around.

00:39:31.500 --> 00:39:41.790 Lillie Nkenchor: I am mentally exhausted, but what's being asked of me, is not that challenging it's not hard for me to have a conversation with you it's not hard for me to give a general presentation, or to answer your questions.

00:39:42.150 --> 00:39:52.860 Lillie Nkenchor: But it would be hard, if I had expended all of that energy in the beginning, and then at night, now I need to draft a trust like what am I doing directing trust at night, my brain is done.

00:39:53.820 --> 00:40:02.640 Lillie Nkenchor: So I think I love the fact that you're focusing on systems, I love the fact that ella introduced us to the concept of habits being like compound interest.

00:40:02.940 --> 00:40:10.260 Lillie Nkenchor: I would say the third takeaway from the atomic habit was him telling us to focus on who you want to become.

00:40:10.800 --> 00:40:15.960 Lillie Nkenchor: and not on not on what you want to achieve, and that was a big Aha moment for me girls because.

00:40:16.710 --> 00:40:23.430 Lillie Nkenchor: Years prior before I even knew anything about the atomic habit, I used to travel, like a mad person I lived in Dallas.

00:40:23.760 --> 00:40:43.140 Lillie Nkenchor: But every week, I was either in New York and New Jersey or DC every single week, I was only home on the weekends, and I remember being in Manhattan during my Manhattan visit and I had this suite of a hotel room and i'm sitting on the couch and I just tell myself, this is not sustainable.

00:40:44.400 --> 00:40:59.220 Lillie Nkenchor: What is this So my first instinct was i'm going to find a new job i'm going to get a new title, so you start looking for jobs within your company, and if that doesn't work you started looking for jobs outside of your company and you're looking for.

00:41:00.450 --> 00:41:06.180 Lillie Nkenchor: job descriptions and you're looking for titles and you're looking for salary requirements and one day I said.

00:41:06.630 --> 00:41:11.550 Lillie Nkenchor: If i'm being honest with myself none of what i'm looking at is of any interest to me.

00:41:12.030 --> 00:41:21.660 Lillie Nkenchor: None of this feels good it looks good on my resume it would be good to like achieve, but it didn't feel good, so I pivoted to.

00:41:22.200 --> 00:41:29.370 Lillie Nkenchor: Well, just what kind of life, do you want to live in general, like do you want to work 50 hours a week, do you want to work 20 hours a week.

00:41:29.700 --> 00:41:41.340 Lillie Nkenchor: Do you want to service people do you want to be in front of people, or do you want to be behind people I started behind the scenes, excuse me, so I started to ask questions related more to who I want to become.

00:41:41.910 --> 00:41:53.280 Lillie Nkenchor: and not what I wanted to achieve and I didn't have the language to call it that, but reading atomic habits really made me realize Oh, I have been doing this for a while and that's actually why.

00:41:53.730 --> 00:42:05.520 Lillie Nkenchor: I have my law firm it's, not because I want to be like a top 100 attorney in the world right it's not because i've always had these big dreams of being.

00:42:06.060 --> 00:42:13.830 Lillie Nkenchor: An attorney and running a law practice it's because running this business will allow me to be who I want to be.

00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:30.780 Lillie Nkenchor: It will allow me to show up in my Community the way I want to show up it'll, allow me to live the lifestyle that I want to show up and live, so I love that and I that was like my biggest Aha moment of James clear was here i'd give him a hug and say thank you very much.

00:42:31.800 --> 00:42:39.300 Lillie Nkenchor: For that, because that was that was big for me like who I want to be, because you girls know this we're high achieving people who get your degree.

00:42:39.900 --> 00:42:47.820 Lillie Nkenchor: go to school, you get your title, and we think that that is the definition of success, and no one ever tells us.

00:42:48.330 --> 00:42:59.940 Lillie Nkenchor: Unless like your hair is falling out and you're in the hospital rocking in the corner right that's when all of a sudden, they want to tell you, oh you needed to take care of yourself to we didn't tell you that part know how you did it.

00:43:03.510 --> 00:43:15.480 Lillie Nkenchor: I had to learn that the hard way so um after this commercial break i'd love for us to come back and you ladies share your opinion on focusing on who you want to be, and not necessarily what you want to achieve.

00:43:17.040 --> 00:43:17.730 sounds good.

00:43:21.570 --> 00:43:22.020 left.

00:43:23.310 --> 00:43:23.520 and

00:45:01.980 --> 00:45:10.320 Listening to talk radio nyc at www talk radio dot nyc now broadcasting 24 hours a day.

00:45:35.640 --> 00:45:52.890 Lillie Nkenchor: Welcome back welcome back before we closed up, I was telling you ladies to share something really quickly that a more if you if you even have like a moment where you realize oh I should focus on who I want to be, and not on an accolade or particular achievement i'll kick it to you ella.

00:45:54.180 --> 00:45:57.060 Ella DeSosa-Butler: um I want to be.

00:45:59.820 --> 00:46:00.960 Ella DeSosa-Butler: A healthy.

00:46:02.490 --> 00:46:08.610 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Like more like holistic living person and.

00:46:09.780 --> 00:46:15.090 Ella DeSosa-Butler: incorporate more spiritual practices into my life.

00:46:17.220 --> 00:46:20.760 Ella DeSosa-Butler: yeah that's that's the person, I want to be I think you're on mute lily.

00:46:21.540 --> 00:46:21.900 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Are you.

00:46:22.290 --> 00:46:23.400 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Know okay now I can hear you.

00:46:25.290 --> 00:46:26.970 Ella DeSosa-Butler: that's who I want to be yeah.

00:46:27.300 --> 00:46:28.710 Lillie Nkenchor: Nice keep who do you want to be.

00:46:30.600 --> 00:46:33.870 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: I just want to keep believing in unicorns.

00:46:35.820 --> 00:46:36.510 Lillie Nkenchor: unicorns.

00:46:37.290 --> 00:46:49.920 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: I just you know I learned a lot by believing that it's just always believing in the future self rather than the current predicament, so I always want to keep that kind of vibe going right and.

00:46:51.390 --> 00:46:59.700 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: yeah practicing non judgment and detachment really Okay, more than anything, yeah Nice, thank you, thank you, I love that.

00:47:00.150 --> 00:47:05.910 Lillie Nkenchor: take us into the fourth principle that James told us about or that we took from his book he might think differently.

00:47:06.600 --> 00:47:15.780 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: So one of the things that really aligned with me when I was reading this book was the fact that environment is the invisible hand that shapes human behavior and one.

00:47:16.110 --> 00:47:22.950 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: equation, because I love me a good equation Okay, it was the fact that behaviors the function of the person and their environment.

00:47:23.280 --> 00:47:29.160 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And that really vibe with me just because i'm a huge proponent of pruning your mental real estate.

00:47:29.460 --> 00:47:38.610 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Having the right people in your life that either add to it and not polluted Okay, and having people that don't basically pee on your front lawn.

00:47:38.970 --> 00:47:46.560 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: You know that don't show up with their toxicity their negativity their fear and their scarcity mentality and just being able to.

00:47:46.980 --> 00:47:54.390 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: understand who is who and keeping them at bay and understanding how to deal with them or navigate that.

00:47:54.690 --> 00:48:03.540 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: That world So for me that was a big I felt like it was like something that I innately felt that I was already practicing but to have it written down was a validation that I needed.

00:48:03.780 --> 00:48:16.110 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: To be like it's an equation it's real we're going to go with this okay and i'm going to make a T shirt put it on mugs so you know that this is what it is it's a daily reminder and I think will smith's that are made to be.

00:48:16.110 --> 00:48:23.490 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: He made it popular, but your success is completely due to the top five people in your life every day right, and this is one of the great things about the pod is.

00:48:23.970 --> 00:48:38.970 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: right when you start off in the morning you're already have two people in your vicinity that are there for your your jumpstart of the day right there and who you choose to do with the other three is up to you right that's your choice, so I think this was a good validation from me.

00:48:39.720 --> 00:48:53.490 Lillie Nkenchor: As I love that I love that pruning your mental real estate don't feel person any old thoughts live in there, you know they have these memes on instagram like oh this song is living in my head rent free I never understood what the hell that man.

00:48:54.570 --> 00:49:10.140 Lillie Nkenchor: But I guess it's similar to what you're saying, make sure you're conscious of the things that are living in circulating in your brain the people that you're surrounded by because yeah you're right your behavior is what's going to shape your habits.

00:49:11.130 --> 00:49:18.180 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: it's Also, the fact of what your social media like timeline looks like yep are you continuously.

00:49:18.510 --> 00:49:27.420 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Reading about doom gloom and all everything that happens, or are you being selective about getting news that your time which you can absorb.

00:49:27.900 --> 00:49:40.680 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: in a positive manner right and it detached manner Okay, and I know it's hard, considering that we just went through a pennant we're still going through a pandemic, we went through a very divisive election and everybody's got an opinion.

00:49:41.940 --> 00:49:48.990 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: yeah the last one is everybody's still going to have an opinion, but it's whether those opinions are adding to your growth or giving you.

00:49:49.290 --> 00:50:03.180 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: thoughts to consider or to actually grow grow you as a human and to make you think about deeper issues rather than just having to regurgitate that you know, so I made it actually a mental note to always be engaged with really thought provoking.

00:50:04.050 --> 00:50:15.000 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Non judgmental but really factual people that look at all sides of the issue that's how i've actually started picking the people that I hang out with her allow into my mental real estate as well too i'm.

00:50:15.270 --> 00:50:25.950 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: highly selective about this and i'm unapologetic about it, too, so it's one of those things that i'm like I think that was the best habit that i've started, really, really pruning for this year.

00:50:27.120 --> 00:50:30.900 Ella DeSosa-Butler: awesome I mean to that point like I used to be like your parents lily like.

00:50:31.770 --> 00:50:37.020 Ella DeSosa-Butler: From the minute I get up to you know the minute I go to bed I have news on I used to have news on.

00:50:37.470 --> 00:50:48.630 Ella DeSosa-Butler: And then you know, I was just a way in Barbados, as the girls know and I couldn't you know that they didn't have the system there, so I couldn't have the news on all the time and it helped me break that habit.

00:50:48.990 --> 00:51:01.110 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Because it's such a like waste of time number one because the news is literally they're always like breaking news and you're like you just said that last hour like it's literally the same news every single minute so.

00:51:01.140 --> 00:51:04.440 Ella DeSosa-Butler: it's not really giving you the news it's just a regurgitation.

00:51:04.740 --> 00:51:09.420 Ella DeSosa-Butler: And so what I do now is when I wake up like I said, I have a podcast I have something that enriches me.

00:51:10.200 --> 00:51:23.820 Ella DeSosa-Butler: You know, and then there's a portion of my day 10 minutes, where I can catch up on the news or half an hour, you know but it's not just constant like that constant noise that's not actually enriching you're adding to.

00:51:25.110 --> 00:51:36.960 Lillie Nkenchor: I love that we've gotten through some great principles, here we started with ella talking about you know habits are like compound interest, and then we just spoke about just.

00:51:38.280 --> 00:51:48.360 Lillie Nkenchor: Focusing on systems and not necessarily just the outcome, so if you want these good goals you should focus on the systems to get to the goals and not only the goals.

00:51:48.660 --> 00:51:51.630 Lillie Nkenchor: So thank you so much for that Keith and then I focused on.

00:51:52.050 --> 00:52:01.530 Lillie Nkenchor: focus on who you want to become and not just who, what, who and what you want to achieve, who do you actually want to be as you're moving through this world, and then I love the fact that.

00:52:02.040 --> 00:52:04.350 Lillie Nkenchor: Keith spoke to us about just your environment.

00:52:05.010 --> 00:52:19.500 Lillie Nkenchor: Who your around what you're putting you're putting in your mind what's taking up rental space in your mind is going to be really important, and I know ll you wanted to close it out with the three layers of behavioral changes this really resonated with you in this book he.

00:52:20.160 --> 00:52:26.370 Ella DeSosa-Butler: That, so the three layers of behavior change according to James clear, and I agree with him are.

00:52:28.500 --> 00:52:36.990 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Well, he says, if there's a change in outcomes, a change in process and a change in identity, so I think we actually just went went through that.

00:52:38.760 --> 00:52:43.080 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Change, you know sorry, you know the way you're going about.

00:52:44.010 --> 00:52:54.510 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Whatever whatever event, you want to happen or that hasn't been happening that you know you keep running up against a wall you really need to stop and look at the process.

00:52:55.020 --> 00:53:07.290 Ella DeSosa-Butler: It takes to get there, I think this kind of ties back to the you know the aggregated gains or marginal gains right because it's not just about the end product it's all the things that support it so look at the process.

00:53:08.850 --> 00:53:17.190 Ella DeSosa-Butler: change an identity like you just said it's you know all about it's I think it's you are the person that you want to become already.

00:53:17.820 --> 00:53:35.100 Ella DeSosa-Butler: it's already in you right so it's like yeah it's not, I want to be healthy it's I am a healthy person, so what choice, am I going to make, am I going to have the donut or the nuts, or whatever you know be like what would a healthy person do I am a healthy person so i'm going to do it.

00:53:35.460 --> 00:53:39.150 Lillie Nkenchor: I wish, there was an air Horn for that part like to be with you.

00:53:39.210 --> 00:53:56.190 Lillie Nkenchor: Because just amazing you're absolutely right, because if we keep thinking about like we're not who we want to be that can even have a negative connotation to it, but if you just start feeling the feelings now you'd be surprised how you start acting and thinking differently.

00:53:56.550 --> 00:54:02.640 Ella DeSosa-Butler: yeah it's applies to everything I mean they even say like you know i've heard things about like you know when you smile more you feel better.

00:54:02.910 --> 00:54:11.130 Ella DeSosa-Butler: You know, if you want to feel better just start smiling, you may not want to, but just force it and then, and then the you know the endorphins will start going and it'll come so.

00:54:13.410 --> 00:54:23.490 Lillie Nkenchor: awesome i'm talking to you, ladies has actually as we wrap this up talking to you, ladies has made me realize there's a whole bunch of habits that I want to do, and maybe you ladies will join me.

00:54:23.790 --> 00:54:29.670 Lillie Nkenchor: But I am going to develop the new habit of what's that class that I took last weekend that I loved was that.

00:54:30.210 --> 00:54:31.800 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: pole dancing one no.

00:54:32.340 --> 00:54:32.790 Lillie Nkenchor: I wish.

00:54:36.060 --> 00:54:38.610 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: The polarities with the reform oh yeah yeah.

00:54:39.270 --> 00:54:53.850 Lillie Nkenchor: My new habit I just I love that class so much I don't know if you girls want to follow up with anything that you want to do, maybe, from a personal perspective, but I am going to try to be like lean and dancer like in the next six months.

00:54:54.360 --> 00:54:55.590 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Like that yeah.

00:54:56.790 --> 00:55:00.240 Ella DeSosa-Butler: um I am going to try to.

00:55:01.710 --> 00:55:08.970 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Establish like a home workout thing because I told you i've been doing the jump rope and i've been doing, like calisthenics by myself, which is great i'm actually going to go.

00:55:09.420 --> 00:55:19.530 Ella DeSosa-Butler: and cancel my membership at my gym because I haven't been going for a couple of months, and so i'm just going to cancel it and just continue to do what i'm doing at home, which i'm i'm loving it.

00:55:22.230 --> 00:55:35.970 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And i'm probably just going to go to one cultural exhibit a week in New York, actually, I am a new new yorker and, as things open up i'm checking out waiting for the galleries to completely open.

00:55:36.390 --> 00:55:41.940 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: And then check out every different aspect that's open and just go to it once a week, if I can.

00:55:42.510 --> 00:55:48.510 Lillie Nkenchor: If you need a friend, let me know i'd love to do that i've been here for four years, and I don't know a lot of stuff still so.

00:55:48.870 --> 00:55:57.330 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: I mean we can go together, but I gotta be honest with you, I I have add or I am in my own world when i'm going through my own stuff and i'm.

00:55:57.330 --> 00:56:00.810 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Like someone I can know I came with someone Okay, and I.

00:56:01.140 --> 00:56:01.440 Lillie Nkenchor: want you.

00:56:01.800 --> 00:56:05.460 Lillie Nkenchor: guys off into the corner don't I doesn't bother me one bit.

00:56:06.450 --> 00:56:11.220 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Okay people get touchy about that, but like we came together, I was like Oh, we did.

00:56:13.710 --> 00:56:15.900 Ella DeSosa-Butler: We will, I will invite myself to.

00:56:16.020 --> 00:56:18.120 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Okay i'm just like yeah.

00:56:18.690 --> 00:56:26.250 Ella DeSosa-Butler: I want to thank everyone for joining us, though this was great I really enjoyed this conversation, this was a great show a lot of good takeaways.

00:56:27.270 --> 00:56:34.170 Ella DeSosa-Butler: And I know next week on next week's show we have something really great on deck one of saying keep his friends partners.

00:56:34.560 --> 00:56:38.580 Ella DeSosa-Butler: yeah dating coach and we're going to speaking about what Thank you though.

00:56:39.270 --> 00:56:49.740 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: he's gonna talk to us he's actually a dating coach with an MBA and he talks to he's going to talk to us how applying dating principles to your business life will actually make your business more productive.

00:56:50.220 --> 00:56:50.790 Ella DeSosa-Butler: Okay.

00:56:50.880 --> 00:56:54.270 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: it's very interesting to relate ability of this is awesome and he's.

00:56:54.690 --> 00:56:59.970 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: it's great because he's got a business degree and he's actual live dating coach as well, too, so this is awesome but.

00:57:00.420 --> 00:57:17.940 Sankeetha Selvarajah Esq.: Thank you everyone ella lily for joining me on the second episode of the call Okay, I hope you found what we spoke about as effective for you and again the book is by atomic habits by James clear and it's going to be in the show notes as well and he's available on Amazon as well too.

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