Employment Law Today

Tuesday, January 4, 2022
Facebook Live Video from 2022/01/04 - Emotionally Intelligent Employers - Leading With Awareness

Facebook Live Video from 2022/01/04 - Emotionally Intelligent Employers - Leading With Awareness


2022/01/04 - Emotionally Intelligent Employers - Leading With Awareness

[NEW EPISODE] Emotionally Intelligent Employers - Leading With Awareness

Our audience will gain some more effective, healthier, and sound ways that leaders in business can use their emotional intelligence to better motivate and manage their employees.  Listeners can also learn new tools for more effectively retaining employees and increasing employee morale. 

Many leaders and managers were taught early on in their careers that the workplace was no place for emotions or empathy. Others were trained decades ago in theories of management that involved strict accountability, a focus solely on productivity and using fear as a tool to govern and manage their employees and workers.

In recent years, most management consultants, HR professionals, and employee relations experts have come to see the value in having a so-called “softer approach” – one that requires leaders to cultivate and use their own emotional intelligence, and to address employee conflict and workplace challenges through an emotionally sound, psychologically aware lens.

The pandemic – with its stressful impact on the mental health of employers and employees alike – perhaps makes an emotionally intelligent approach to managing that much more crucial to a company’s success. 

In our discussion tonight, my guest, Dr. Marc Miller, psychologist, coach, and consultant, and founder of MLM Coaching & Consulting, LLC, will discuss some more effective, healthier, and sound ways that leaders in business can use their emotional intelligence to better motivate and manage their employees.

Tune in for this informative conversation at or watch the Facebook Livestream by clicking here.

Show Notes

Segment 1

Starting tonight’s episode, Eric wishes everyone a Happy New Year and welcomes his guest, Dr. Marc Miller. He is the founder of MLM Coaching & Consulting, LLC. With a Ph.D in psychology, Miller helps business owners and other professionals improve their leadership abilities. Miller talks about being about 27 years old and getting his doctoral dissertation done while also having a newborn on the way. Over the years as a psychotherapist, he realized how much he has helped clients reach their goals in life and clarify what they want to improve in their lives; to tap into their strengths. He discovered the idea of coaching later on in his life and liked the approach of looking at people’s strengths rather than people’s weaknesses. Another reason why Miller likes coaching is that he isn’t really diagnosing anyone which is something that he didn’t like as well as dealing with things like insurance companies.

Segment 2

Eric asks Miller about how he defines emotional intelligence. He says that the most important aspect is self awareness. It’s about understanding our own emotions, feelings, and desires. Social awareness; how we are aware of other people and other people’s emotions. He also mentions empathy. He says that it’s important because we can’t read other people’s minds but there are ways we can clarify how others are feeling by asking questions for example, so that we can adjust our responses to them. Miller makes a point that having emotional intelligence is important in a workplace setting where leadership, teams, and communication is involved. He challenges our thoughts by asking if one should hire someone who’s very smart or something who is emotionally intelligent. Both, of course, may be important. But the point made is that the parts like self awareness and social awareness are important when working with others in various settings. Getting more into how the human brain works, Miller explains that when we are aware about what triggers our emotions, we can learn how to control or deal with them. Without understanding what triggers our anger for example, we may not be able to control our anger and that anger can create a pattern the other person you are communicating with will react to

Segment 3

Coming back from the break, Eric brings up the topic about Covid19. He asks Miller about how the stress that many have gone through may affect emotional intelligence. Miller says that with prolonged stress, we are more likely to be reactive when there is an interpersonal problem that comes up. Miller also mentions that everyone, including introverted people, are people-oriented. Isolation, anxiety, worry and more has affected the workplace and our personal lives in which people and organizations are challenged to transform and continue to find meaning in what they do. As a coach, Miller doesn’t necessarily answer people’s questions but rather helps his clients find options to deal with their situations and what they are feeling.

Segment 4

On the final segment of tonight’s show, Miller gives us tips for employers and employees who are dealing with intense amounts of stress and are emotionally triggered. Self awareness is one. Being aware of what we are feeling before we express them is important. Miller says that asking questions and clarifying issues with employees is a better approach. But also be aware of whether employees are uncomfortable for example; reflect and identify. Staying grounded in escalating situations. Meditation, as Miller says, doesn’t have to be a long 30 minute session. Take 30 seconds to focus on the breath to bring yourself back to the present moment. It’s about focusing on the moment, not entirely on the emotions. He also recommends looking into which helps build our mental fitness. There’s a saboteurs assessment on the website, free of charge, which helps identify parts of our self- talk which can have negative influences. Miller reminds us that struggling with emotional intelligence doesn't mean that there’s something wrong with you, rather it’s improving your relationship with yourself and others. We are all human and we all have emotions and reactions to different things. What makes Dr. Marc Miller different from other coaches is that he brings his psychotherapy background and integrates it into his coaching.


00:00:37.980 --> 00:00:46.650 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Good evening, welcome to employment law today i'm your host Eric summer i'm an employment law and business law attorney and I have this show.

00:00:46.950 --> 00:00:58.770 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Every Tuesday night from 5pm to 6pm Eastern standard time right here on talk to me to nyc where I have a guest that talk about and discuss the most engaging and novel.

00:00:59.160 --> 00:01:07.650 Eric Sarver, Esq.: issues of the day, issues that employers and business owners face with regards to employment with regard to Labor with regard to business.

00:01:08.010 --> 00:01:18.600 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And so, in that spirit tonight i'm very pleased to welcome our guest Dr mark Miller President of mark Miller coaching and consulting mark, welcome to the show.

00:01:19.860 --> 00:01:21.960 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Thank you for having me Eric it's an honor to be here.

00:01:22.530 --> 00:01:25.140 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Thank you well i'm gonna have you as well i'm sorry.

00:01:25.470 --> 00:01:26.220 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: and Happy New Year.

00:01:26.520 --> 00:01:34.920 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Oh, thank you happy New Year to you too and Happy New Year to all our listeners night out there, watching or listening started nyc hope you haven't agreed start to 2022.

00:01:35.520 --> 00:01:41.490 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And so mark i'll just want to give our listeners a little bit of an introduction, so they have a little more of your background.

00:01:42.060 --> 00:01:53.790 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And so i'll just note that Dr mark Miller PhD common PCC is the President of mark Miller coaching and consulting he provides executive coaching to.

00:01:54.150 --> 00:02:02.640 Eric Sarver, Esq.: executives professionals and business owners and leaders and he also consults with and provides coaching to organizational teams to help them to create.

00:02:03.030 --> 00:02:11.820 Eric Sarver, Esq.: organizational cultures characterized by improved employee engagement and team collaboration, as well as increasing talent retention and attraction.

00:02:12.240 --> 00:02:19.680 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Productivity job satisfaction and resulting an overall increase innovation and profitability for the organization.

00:02:20.310 --> 00:02:31.440 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Mark engaged with individuals and teams as a professional coach to promote the team's communication and collaboration by developing greater self awareness and other emotional intelligence skills.

00:02:31.800 --> 00:02:36.810 Eric Sarver, Esq.: To promote ever increasing levels of personal, professional and organizational success.

00:02:37.410 --> 00:02:46.380 Eric Sarver, Esq.: informed by a professional training and experience as a psychologist he differentiate differentiates us me himself from most other business coaches.

00:02:46.650 --> 00:02:53.550 Eric Sarver, Esq.: In bringing this wealth of knowledge and understanding to the work he does with his individual and organizational clients.

00:02:54.000 --> 00:02:59.220 Eric Sarver, Esq.: mark has a PhD in psychology from adelphi university he has earned a professional coaching certificate.

00:02:59.580 --> 00:03:05.730 Eric Sarver, Esq.: From the professional coaching program at the second school of business through college community and I coach the work.

00:03:06.090 --> 00:03:15.960 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And as a professional coach he holds the credential of professional certified coach that's the PCC that I mentioned awarded by the international coach federation of I see if.

00:03:16.500 --> 00:03:24.810 Eric Sarver, Esq.: mark has completed the foundations and team coaching certificate from the excuse me, Sir vacation from the global team coaching Institute.

00:03:25.170 --> 00:03:39.330 Eric Sarver, Esq.: and has recently completed their practitioners or certification and team coaching program and, lastly, mark lives in plain view long island New York, and that is like quite a mouthful but mark once again great to have you with us tonight.

00:03:39.720 --> 00:03:42.540 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Thank you Eric and, yes, that was a lot to read and.

00:03:43.740 --> 00:03:49.170 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Probably could have condensed it a little bit, but thank you for reviewing my history that way.

00:03:49.710 --> 00:03:55.230 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Sure thing, well, I thought it was a great you know for our listeners to really hear some of your background, which we'll get into as well on the show.

00:03:56.400 --> 00:04:05.400 Eric Sarver, Esq.: So our topic for tonight for those listening tonight to the show we're going to be discussing emotionally intelligent employers right leading with awareness.

00:04:05.820 --> 00:04:16.530 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And what mark and I were just talking about for the Shell is the fact that many leaders and managers may have been taught early on in their careers at the workplace was no place for emotions or empathy.

00:04:17.190 --> 00:04:30.900 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Others were trained decades ago and theories of management that involve strict accountability a focused solely on productivity and using fear as a tool to govern and manage their employees and workers.

00:04:31.620 --> 00:04:40.230 Eric Sarver, Esq.: In recent years, what i've seen as an employment lawyer is that most management consultants and most HR professionals and employee relations experts alike.

00:04:40.590 --> 00:04:44.340 Eric Sarver, Esq.: have come to see the value in having a so called softer approach.

00:04:44.760 --> 00:04:56.250 Eric Sarver, Esq.: one that requires leaders to cultivate and use their own emotional intelligence and to address employee conflict and workplace challenges, through an emotionally sound and psychologically aware lens.

00:04:56.790 --> 00:05:03.900 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And the pandemic would address one path that I think we've all felt on the mental health of employers and employees alike.

00:05:04.380 --> 00:05:12.030 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Perhaps makes an emotionally intelligent approach to managing your workers that much more crucial to company's success.

00:05:12.360 --> 00:05:18.870 Eric Sarver, Esq.: So that really is our topic this evening and our discussion mark and I will talk about some more effective.

00:05:19.380 --> 00:05:26.610 Eric Sarver, Esq.: healthier and sound ways that leaders and business can use their emotional intellect to better motivate and manager employees.

00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:33.270 Eric Sarver, Esq.: So that's the topic that we agreed on, and I wanted to ask you mark before delving right into the topic.

00:05:33.930 --> 00:05:46.890 Eric Sarver, Esq.: I wanted to if you can tell us a bit more about yourself, we got through your credentials and what you do now, but like how did your career initially start out and then what prompted you to become a coach or consultant from professionals and businesses.

00:05:49.320 --> 00:06:01.140 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: So, knowing way back from quite a few decades, when my hair was dark and it isn't anymore, but I still have a head of hair which, thank God i'm happy about dari.

00:06:02.730 --> 00:06:08.400 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Wait not everybody is blessed but you know my dad is 96 years old and has better hair than I do.

00:06:08.700 --> 00:06:09.660 Eric Sarver, Esq.: wow really.

00:06:10.320 --> 00:06:10.770 anyway.

00:06:12.240 --> 00:06:20.940 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: When I was when I was 27 years old, I completed my doctoral dissertation in clinical psychology at a Delphi.

00:06:22.890 --> 00:06:34.980 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And that was pretty young I at that point, I actually had been procrastinating getting the dissertation done for a few years now, I had just my my first child had just been born.

00:06:35.490 --> 00:06:39.270 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And, and my wife at that time, not the same wife anymore.

00:06:40.500 --> 00:06:41.040 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: story.

00:06:42.930 --> 00:06:58.350 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: You better get your act together, you have to support a family now get your doctoral dissertation done so you can get a job so that kind of motivated me to do that, to finish it up, but I was, I was trained as a kind of psycho analytically oriented therapist.

00:06:58.680 --> 00:06:59.670 Eric Sarver, Esq.: In that Program.

00:07:00.360 --> 00:07:00.840 and

00:07:02.610 --> 00:07:18.330 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And I practiced as a as a therapist primarily for quite a few years, a few decades back and the difference between therapy and coaching is one that can be a discussion that may may be better off.

00:07:19.380 --> 00:07:27.510 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: You know, waiting for another time because it's kind of a lot of subtle differences, but I think the main approaches to psychotherapy is.

00:07:29.520 --> 00:07:39.420 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: People are we went through the program at a Delphi we were taught to to call the people we work with patients and the model was a medical model I think it's evolved since then.

00:07:39.690 --> 00:07:44.640 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And a lot of therapists call they're the people they work with clients, rather than patient, but it was.

00:07:45.030 --> 00:07:54.870 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: very much an idea that the people we were helping and train to help where people who was suffering from psychiatric disorders of one kind or another, and one severity or another.

00:07:55.860 --> 00:08:10.620 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And the goal was to not sure them because cure is kind of an elusive concept in psychotherapy but to help them function better and even then, many of the clients call them clients now, who I worked with.

00:08:11.730 --> 00:08:29.490 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Were regular people you know, and so I had more severe problems like you know some serious depression, anxiety disorders personality disorders generally people who were in the psychotic realm or not really treated by psychotherapist as much as my medication management.

00:08:30.060 --> 00:08:30.330 Eric Sarver, Esq.: sure.

00:08:30.720 --> 00:08:40.470 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: But over the years I worked with a lot of people as a psychotherapist but really a lot of times, I felt wasn't curing them or helping them with dysfunction as much as helping them.

00:08:41.280 --> 00:08:52.890 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: tap into their strengths and and learn how to set goals for themselves and overcome whatever obstacles their childhood experiences or other experiences may have presented them with.

00:08:53.460 --> 00:09:04.410 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: and help him reach a point in their adult lives, where they would live, you know with more personal satisfaction success and and happiness.

00:09:05.790 --> 00:09:09.150 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: At a certain point, I discovered something called coaching.

00:09:10.560 --> 00:09:24.450 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Which wasn't around very much when I began, I don't know if it was around very much at all when I began my my work as a psychotherapist psychologist but I, like the approach of coaching when I discovered, it probably sometime in the.

00:09:25.770 --> 00:09:27.810 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: 80s or night, maybe in the 90s.

00:09:29.520 --> 00:09:41.580 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Because the approach was was focused on helping clients clarify what they want to work on what's getting in the way of being happier or more successful however they define that.

00:09:42.120 --> 00:09:49.470 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And that I was attracted to that it kind of fit in more with the philosophy that I was using when I still call myself a psychotherapist.

00:09:50.400 --> 00:09:57.690 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: I didn't like the medical model I didn't like diagnosing people who really weren't suffering from mental disorders or psychiatric disorders.

00:09:58.290 --> 00:10:08.430 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Am I dealing with insurance companies and at some point I kind of I made a commitment i'm going to become a coach i'm going to take some coach training, which I did.

00:10:10.350 --> 00:10:15.720 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And I saw that there was a lot of overlap between the way I did psychotherapy and the way I do coaching.

00:10:17.280 --> 00:10:23.820 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: But I like the positive approach I liked seeing people in terms of their strengths, rather than their disabilities or weaknesses.

00:10:24.180 --> 00:10:35.820 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And we all, we all have obstacles and learning how to face them and deal with them and overcome them to the best variability is kind of the philosophy that I use in the work I do so i'm more comfortable.

00:10:36.930 --> 00:10:49.290 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Thinking of myself as a coach I don't deal with insurance companies anymore, which was liberating and and I and coaching is applicable both on a personal level, a lot of people call.

00:10:49.290 --> 00:10:57.630 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: themselves trained as life coaches will focus on the business aspect of coaching working in organizations.

00:10:59.070 --> 00:11:03.780 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: With executives and other people in managerial positions.

00:11:04.590 --> 00:11:07.530 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Are you attracted to that area of work.

00:11:08.850 --> 00:11:14.640 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And as you mentioned, when you were going through that list of things that i've been studying and doing.

00:11:15.180 --> 00:11:27.930 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: i've recently gotten more and more involved in in a team coaching approach, because the way I see what we do as human beings, and certainly in the workplaces individuals are working.

00:11:28.410 --> 00:11:40.590 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: collaboratively or should be working collaboratively with other people individuals working in the workplace in a siloed kind of way are not as effective as those who work with members of the team.

00:11:41.040 --> 00:11:41.400 Eric Sarver, Esq.: and

00:11:41.430 --> 00:11:49.320 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: A lot of a lot of organizations have what they call teams, but they don't yet work in that cooperative collaborative.

00:11:50.460 --> 00:11:55.530 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: and psychologically safe way that can really bring out the best in everybody.

00:11:55.710 --> 00:12:12.030 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Because the the this this this the total is greater than the sum of the parts when people were all rowing in the same direction, but each in their own individual unique way yeah organizations can be so much more successful and people can be so much more gratifying and what they do.

00:12:12.540 --> 00:12:12.990 hmm.

00:12:14.130 --> 00:12:19.620 Eric Sarver, Esq.: yeah I mean that's really interesting markets like a hero like a lot better it's worth noting, taking note of.

00:12:20.400 --> 00:12:22.470 Eric Sarver, Esq.: For those listening tonight, the first to hear about.

00:12:22.860 --> 00:12:32.580 Eric Sarver, Esq.: just having a certain mindset back before you to coaching about how you saw the relationship with your clients are those days, patients like about wanting to help them.

00:12:32.910 --> 00:12:42.450 Eric Sarver, Esq.: tap into their strengths to recall obstacles and how the medical model, maybe you maybe had that same goal, but perhaps it was more about identifying.

00:12:42.810 --> 00:12:48.420 Eric Sarver, Esq.: pathologies, maybe, perhaps, and then it's like you want to you know be focused on the solution and.

00:12:49.020 --> 00:12:58.830 Eric Sarver, Esq.: what's also interesting to me is that when I have guests on the show, and maybe people out there tonight listening can relate to this, I mean people who are fellow attorneys who became teachers professors.

00:12:59.940 --> 00:13:06.060 Eric Sarver, Esq.: psychologists, it became a coach as such as yourself what I find is that, like people are attracted to a certain say.

00:13:06.510 --> 00:13:21.750 Eric Sarver, Esq.: outcome or goal and they've just discovered that their their skill sets can transfer over nicely, and so I can, I have a couple of friends of mine who are by trade psychologists were going into coaching so it's interesting to hear that they have very similar you know.

00:13:22.830 --> 00:13:31.080 Eric Sarver, Esq.: mindsets when I seen so it's really interesting to hear that and talking about the idea of collaboration and coaching and be used for business or life.

00:13:31.410 --> 00:13:38.910 Eric Sarver, Esq.: I unless you mentioned that your experience to silo person doesn't often do as well as when you're overloading the same direction of the team.

00:13:39.360 --> 00:13:48.810 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And I think it's interesting topic we might even circle back to you on the show tonight because with the pandemic and different ways, with delta now i'm a calm and all these different.

00:13:49.650 --> 00:13:58.530 Eric Sarver, Esq.: A lot of companies that are sort of becoming the de facto style of workers and their own homes and there's a lot of debate i've seen around, not just the.

00:13:59.340 --> 00:14:05.160 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Safety the logistics or the monetary aspect, but how motivated people really get.

00:14:05.580 --> 00:14:16.380 Eric Sarver, Esq.: How do they do as a team when someone's working from their apartment in New York City somewhere else, like upstate New York, you know so it's really interesting, I think I just kind of that came to mind when you said.

00:14:17.070 --> 00:14:26.010 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Just about know about coaching people enroll in the same direction and don't in collaboration so really good to you know have that, as part of our show tonight, yes.

00:14:26.370 --> 00:14:27.600 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: i'd love to get back to that.

00:14:28.500 --> 00:14:34.710 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And you know it's funny how time flies when we're having fun, but, believe it or not, we're about a 32nd child our first commercial break.

00:14:35.040 --> 00:14:40.410 Eric Sarver, Esq.: To rather than ask you a question, I thought about the topic if we just take a break a tad early.

00:14:41.220 --> 00:14:51.540 Eric Sarver, Esq.: So that's works for you mark and I just know that for those listening to your home tonight you're listening to all your pressure watching on video on Facebook you're watching employment law today.

00:14:52.080 --> 00:15:04.740 Eric Sarver, Esq.: i'm your host erick savoured employment law business law attorney my guest tonight executive business coach and Dr mark Miller coach and consultant from mark with a coaching and sell things so stick around we'll be right back.

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00:17:19.530 --> 00:17:33.180 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Welcome back to employment law today once again i'm your host Eric solver employment law business law attorney here every Tuesday night 5pm 6pm Eastern standard time on talk radio nyc my guest tonight, Dr mark Miller.

00:17:34.230 --> 00:17:39.960 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Business executive coach consultant and we're our topic for this evening in case you joining us late.

00:17:40.590 --> 00:17:46.050 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Is emotionally intelligent employers leading with awareness now you know more that.

00:17:46.530 --> 00:17:55.320 Eric Sarver, Esq.: I thought about this, and the first thing that jumps out at me is that phrase emotionally intelligent emotional and intellect intellect right eq, if you will, so wondering.

00:17:56.280 --> 00:18:04.740 Eric Sarver, Esq.: How would you define emotional intelligence and once you define it How important is it for managing and leading employees in the workplace.

00:18:06.360 --> 00:18:13.440 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Okay, so emotional intelligence, I actually put some notes down because there's several components to it.

00:18:13.830 --> 00:18:14.130 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And I.

00:18:14.220 --> 00:18:18.930 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: want to leave any of the math or actually primarily five aspects to it.

00:18:20.370 --> 00:18:23.460 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: The most important of which I believe is self awareness.

00:18:23.910 --> 00:18:34.830 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: They will reflect on our ability to understand our set our own emotions and emotions of other people and how that affects relationships and and what we do together.

00:18:35.910 --> 00:18:43.080 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Self awareness is one component self regulation or self management, how do we, how do we deal with the emotions that we do have.

00:18:43.830 --> 00:19:01.020 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: We have control over them so they don't disrupt our functioning in an optimal kind of way motivation is usually seen as an aspect of emotional intelligence what motivates us what motivates other people understanding that aspect of of how we function as human beings.

00:19:01.380 --> 00:19:12.810 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Right Okay, and then the other side of the equation is social awareness, the other person how aware, are we are other people and that encompasses the word empathy.

00:19:12.900 --> 00:19:29.910 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: which we hear all the time, and you know it's it's not always clear to people what empathy means I think most people do understand that it's kind of sensing a feeling what other people may be feeling right it's different from compassion and sympathy in some subtle kinds of ways.

00:19:31.470 --> 00:19:50.400 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: But empathy is really important, because we we can't read other people's minds, but we can can kind of pick up on what other people are feeling and we do actually have a part of our brain called mirror neurons that actually respond to another person's emotions.

00:19:51.600 --> 00:19:51.810 Eric Sarver, Esq.: But.

00:19:51.960 --> 00:20:00.540 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: There are ways that we can clarify what another person is feeling by asking questions, so the goal isn't to be a mind reader but part of of.

00:20:01.260 --> 00:20:13.650 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Being emotionally intelligent is being aware of yourself but also being aware of what other people are experiencing and finding out as much as we can, about what they're experiencing, so we can adjust our responses to them.

00:20:14.070 --> 00:20:20.970 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Right and the final area is social skills relationship management which kind of is.

00:20:22.140 --> 00:20:27.000 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: social awareness and empathy multiplied by how many people were dealing with on an ongoing basis.

00:20:27.600 --> 00:20:28.140 Eric Sarver, Esq.: You know.

00:20:28.680 --> 00:20:33.030 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: The importance of emotional intelligence is profound.

00:20:36.240 --> 00:20:42.870 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Daniel Goldman, who is the person who's most connected with popularizing the idea of emotional intelligence.

00:20:43.980 --> 00:20:45.480 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: I think you wrote in the.

00:20:46.560 --> 00:20:54.330 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: 1990 maybe a little bit before that and and prior to that it wasn't a topic that a lot of people knew about but it.

00:20:55.800 --> 00:20:57.060 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Has mushrooms, since then.

00:20:57.510 --> 00:20:57.900 Eric Sarver, Esq.: You know.

00:20:59.280 --> 00:21:05.010 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: So the question always was you know, do you hire a person because of how smart, they are intellectually IQ.

00:21:06.030 --> 00:21:13.710 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: or and it's not necessarily an either or but or do you hire people because of their emotional intelligence.

00:21:13.920 --> 00:21:21.810 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Their sensitivity to other people their ability to communicate all the things that I mentioned before, have a lot of interpersonal components to it.

00:21:23.400 --> 00:21:37.260 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And the bottom line is that you can have 180 IQ if it goes like this it depends on the scale and and be really not attuned to other people and and also not very attuned to your own emotions.

00:21:37.620 --> 00:21:38.160 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Right.

00:21:38.250 --> 00:21:45.120 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And in a workplace setting you're going to not be very successful in leadership or management.

00:21:45.210 --> 00:21:45.780 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: position.

00:21:45.810 --> 00:21:57.420 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: For sure, and even in staff team employee positions understanding the social context that you're in is very, very important dealing with coworkers.

00:21:57.810 --> 00:21:58.080 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Dealing.

00:21:58.290 --> 00:22:03.000 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: With clients and customers it's all about how we understand other people.

00:22:03.780 --> 00:22:07.890 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And how we react to other people so that's The self awareness port.

00:22:09.120 --> 00:22:14.580 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Right, I think that's a really excellent definition and it has all the different components to it.

00:22:15.060 --> 00:22:21.360 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Because like in order to say importance and begins, we have to know what that thing is that we're talking about right have the same common language so.

00:22:21.750 --> 00:22:30.990 Eric Sarver, Esq.: You know what jumped out at me mark what you said, definitely the software and just being kind of key, because without that I feel like, like the other pieces other.

00:22:31.500 --> 00:22:35.460 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Aspects might not fall into place very well if you don't know your own emotions understand yourself.

00:22:35.850 --> 00:22:42.990 Eric Sarver, Esq.: But like as an employment law attorney, it is with clients that with business owners, where employers, where the emotional regulation.

00:22:43.470 --> 00:22:53.280 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And the social awareness social skills is so vital and especially with comes to regulation, like so many times, I see you know we're in an age of.

00:22:53.940 --> 00:23:02.310 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Technology wise where it's very easy people to say to jump the gun overreact you know TV impulsive reacted reactionary.

00:23:02.730 --> 00:23:13.860 Eric Sarver, Esq.: To act on a whim, to act of temper and an email can send a blast that could include some very harassing you know language or somebody can be fired you know, without.

00:23:14.190 --> 00:23:24.240 Eric Sarver, Esq.: further thoughts so it's like the idea of regulating our emotional responses, I think, has never been more crucial than an age where people, just like here's a text, and this is out there.

00:23:24.660 --> 00:23:39.960 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And the social awareness how people are feeling and respond, you know you really can't lead a team of employees, if you can't sense what gets them fired up and happy, but also what gets them turned off and disillusioned and you know it's funny you mentioned, like the importance of.

00:23:41.490 --> 00:23:46.920 Eric Sarver, Esq.: emotional IQ over intellectual IQ and again your point it's not either or I think you're right, but like.

00:23:47.490 --> 00:23:53.940 Eric Sarver, Esq.: I It made me think of a funny situation and maybe this may have clients in this realm but, like, I once worked at a law firm, many years ago.

00:23:54.210 --> 00:24:03.960 Eric Sarver, Esq.: There was a guy there was absolutely brilliant he was just like he knew everything he was very analytical on and really super smart guy but very poor social.

00:24:04.500 --> 00:24:10.710 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Skills and emotional regulation so he get on the phones discuss the case in the settlement I overhear them in his office and.

00:24:11.040 --> 00:24:15.870 Eric Sarver, Esq.: He be totally other attorney why they're wrong and they don't understand the law, how they're clueless and then.

00:24:16.110 --> 00:24:25.920 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Invariably, often he would say hello Hello on the phone and he would turn to it down the hall partner say my phone is not working, I got disconnected mid conversation so.

00:24:26.280 --> 00:24:35.610 Eric Sarver, Esq.: don't you realize that hung up on him and happened more than once, at least three times I recall in some capacity, where so you know just like all that intellect.

00:24:36.510 --> 00:24:49.710 Eric Sarver, Esq.: But without the emotional component that self awareness how am I coming across very important i'm glad you brought up those aspects you know I think parts and I important those are you know really hmm.

00:24:50.070 --> 00:24:52.500 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Part of the complexity of all this stuff.

00:24:53.850 --> 00:24:59.460 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: is how our brains work right and, frankly, when I was in graduate school a long time ago.

00:25:00.420 --> 00:25:07.350 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: We really didn't know a lot about how the brain works and it's really only in the last decade or two at the most that.

00:25:09.300 --> 00:25:19.050 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: There are psychologists have been studying the brain in a much more sophisticated level using fmri and other computer based technologies and there's a lot that we've learned.

00:25:20.250 --> 00:25:23.340 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: The most important of which I think is that.

00:25:24.540 --> 00:25:28.230 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: The emotional reactivity part of our brain.

00:25:29.790 --> 00:25:42.300 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: operates so quickly, much more quickly than the rational part of our brain and when we're triggered when something gets to us on an emotional level usually because there's some sense of threat.

00:25:42.930 --> 00:25:51.540 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Which evolutionarily went back to the days when you know I guess early early human beings and actually primitive animals have.

00:25:52.290 --> 00:26:06.630 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: The part of the brain called the amygdala part of the limbic system it's very primitive but it alerts alerts the the organism, you know whether it's you know humans are other primates or other mammals, or even less evolved creatures.

00:26:06.930 --> 00:26:13.020 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: That there's a danger in the environment and it's and it senses danger very, very quickly.

00:26:15.120 --> 00:26:28.830 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: We don't even know how quickly, I mean it's been measured but it's it's much more quickly than we human beings realize so when you're triggered by an emotional situation, because now it isn't a saber tooth tiger that's threatening us it's a boss is angry at us.

00:26:29.130 --> 00:26:34.410 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Right now, or to another social situation where we can get triggered.

00:26:35.610 --> 00:26:56.700 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: so quickly that the part of our brain that usually exercises good judgment and rational thinking and stays calm under those situations actually shuts down that the prefrontal lobe, which is the most sophisticated part of our brain does not function when the amygdala gets fired.

00:26:56.970 --> 00:26:57.390 and

00:26:59.160 --> 00:27:02.280 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: You know they're there are neurochemicals that that get released.

00:27:04.410 --> 00:27:12.420 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: cortisol and other ones that get us into fight and flight mode or other more kind of human located.

00:27:13.530 --> 00:27:15.570 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: react reaction patterns.

00:27:15.810 --> 00:27:26.100 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: But they're not very adaptive there they can be very dysfunctional right it's like yelling at somebody when you get angry they're not going to hear you when you're yelling at them.

00:27:26.430 --> 00:27:30.750 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: right but that's the anger comes out and that's the way it gets manifested or you.

00:27:31.050 --> 00:27:31.560 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: react.

00:27:31.590 --> 00:27:34.590 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: By by running away by hiding by by avoiding.

00:27:34.980 --> 00:27:35.370 Right.

00:27:37.680 --> 00:27:42.210 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Under understanding that I think it's crucially important understanding how our brain works.

00:27:42.540 --> 00:27:43.050 Eric Sarver, Esq.: and

00:27:43.110 --> 00:27:47.130 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: It doesn't have to be at the level at a neuroscientist understands it, but just.

00:27:47.130 --> 00:27:49.290 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: knowing what triggers you.

00:27:49.710 --> 00:27:58.080 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Right factors in your environment in your family environment what wouldn't get you upset in your work environment what gets you upset.

00:27:59.250 --> 00:28:00.870 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And you're going to react and.

00:28:01.470 --> 00:28:08.640 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: You learn from experience to identify what is going on in you what's getting emotionally triggered in you.

00:28:08.940 --> 00:28:15.780 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Then gradually if you work at it, you can learn how to gain more control and regulate your emotions better and.

00:28:16.530 --> 00:28:21.480 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Better, but I think most people in the in the world, most people in real life.

00:28:21.720 --> 00:28:22.050 Eric Sarver, Esq.: are not.

00:28:22.500 --> 00:28:28.260 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: doing that because it operates unconsciously it operates that reactivity operates so quickly.

00:28:28.530 --> 00:28:28.860 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Right.

00:28:28.980 --> 00:28:37.740 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: You have patterns of reaction then recently i've been learning about a system that defines them as as saboteurs we have ports.

00:28:37.740 --> 00:28:42.360 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: In their psyche patterns that repeat themselves that.

00:28:44.190 --> 00:28:49.770 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: More problems and they solve and it's really a process of learning about that can really make a difference.

00:28:50.820 --> 00:28:59.400 Eric Sarver, Esq.: You know, essentially mark when you mentioned the amygdala for i've read and heard of the whole fight or flight situation that kind of responses how that can be.

00:29:00.210 --> 00:29:11.400 Eric Sarver, Esq.: was associated with and everything I heard obviously that's level you're aware of this but, like the fact that would be the mind is essentially shut down and the part around judgment restraint.

00:29:12.210 --> 00:29:22.170 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Looking at facts and asking of these facts, real or am I imagining this Am I mysterious it's just that whole fight or flight mode, what I find interesting is that very often and.

00:29:22.710 --> 00:29:33.540 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And the kindness of employment employers i'm like one person's triggered and then they are reactive angry response could then trigger someone else's fight or flight efforts address to shout.

00:29:34.590 --> 00:29:39.210 Eric Sarver, Esq.: shouting match right so it's like it's like a ping pong ball bouncing around.

00:29:39.240 --> 00:29:39.990 Eric Sarver, Esq.: But well that's.

00:29:40.590 --> 00:29:41.400 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: It escalates.

00:29:41.640 --> 00:29:42.060 Eric Sarver, Esq.: that's it.

00:29:42.120 --> 00:29:53.040 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Right yes ratchet is an escalating one where my anger triggers your anger or your, whatever your responses and that interplay between human beings.

00:29:53.220 --> 00:29:54.150 Eric Sarver, Esq.: mm hmm just.

00:29:54.720 --> 00:30:09.450 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: keeps going unless somebody has the ability to step back the Center be aware of what's going on and calm the situation down, but they first have to become aware of it, calm themselves down to stop that vicious cycle.

00:30:09.900 --> 00:30:19.290 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Right absolutely right Eric once that gets going things get totally out of control, or the other person just runs away feels intimidated in the workplace.

00:30:20.100 --> 00:30:25.020 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: You know owners or bosses or managers have more power than staff.

00:30:25.080 --> 00:30:33.750 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: In general, and if they're in an angry mood most most people who work in those situations for an angry.

00:30:34.020 --> 00:30:35.100 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: belligerent us.

00:30:35.520 --> 00:30:49.380 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: or hate boss hate work and when more now than ever, but for a while they're going to choose to leave that boss, most people leave their their job because their boss is intimidating and.

00:30:50.040 --> 00:30:56.970 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: unimpaired ethic and unresponsive and now, people are leaving new jobs in droves, because they just don't want to put up with that.

00:30:57.930 --> 00:31:03.330 Eric Sarver, Esq.: I think that's an excellent segue for after the commercial break we'll come back we'll talk about you know the.

00:31:03.750 --> 00:31:11.580 Eric Sarver, Esq.: How those emotional triggers and the workplace, it can be so damaging how people, what are the consequences people leaving people getting fired resigning.

00:31:11.880 --> 00:31:17.430 Eric Sarver, Esq.: But first we need to take a quick commercial break so i'll just say mark those excellent response they're very interesting.

00:31:17.850 --> 00:31:30.480 Eric Sarver, Esq.: interesting food for thought you're listening to employment law today here on talk radio nyc i'm your host erick solver and i'm here tonight with Dr mark Miller stick around we'll be talking about all this emotional intelligence.

00:31:30.810 --> 00:31:36.120 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And how to survive and really cultivated during coven so we right back.

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00:32:39.750 --> 00:32:50.610 Small Business trying to navigate the covert 90 rebated employment laws Hello i'm Eric sovereign climate log business law attorney and host of the new radio show employment law today.

00:32:51.240 --> 00:33:03.840 On my show who had guests, to discuss the common employment law challenges business owners are facing during these trying times tune in on Tuesday evenings and 5pm to 6pm Eastern time on talk radio dot nyc.

00:33:08.700 --> 00:33:17.460 you're listening to talk radio nyc at www talk radio dot nyc now broadcasting 24 hours a day.

00:33:39.570 --> 00:33:45.150 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Welcome back to employment law today i'm your host erick sovereign employment law business law attorney.

00:33:45.570 --> 00:33:55.800 Eric Sarver, Esq.: here tonight with Dr mark Miller, Dr Miller is President of mark Miller coaching and consulting providing executive coaching to professionals as owners leaders.

00:33:56.190 --> 00:34:02.190 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And we're talking about this topic of emotionally intelligent employers leading with awareness.

00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:10.770 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And if those perhaps to recapping are joining asleep or just want to recap what we discussed it so far think Dr Miller mark Davis great.

00:34:11.640 --> 00:34:18.540 Eric Sarver, Esq.: breakdown of what the fragrance of emotional intelligence really means talking about the empathy the social awareness.

00:34:18.990 --> 00:34:29.790 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Self awareness emotional regulation why it's so important in the workplace, when you have people you know who just kind of yell or scream or over react or react supposedly placed on the amygdala.

00:34:30.360 --> 00:34:37.590 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Fight or flight response like they can't actually engage in rational reasonable this this course, and without crashing or reasonable roll this course.

00:34:37.950 --> 00:34:47.340 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Nothing gets really accomplished right problems don't get solved issues don't get resolved so I wanted to talk about this little thing that's been happening last.

00:34:48.000 --> 00:35:06.540 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Almost two years old coven 19 many of us, unfortunately, are quite familiar with and i'm wondering like How does mark, how does prolonged stress, like, for example, like the stress, they have coven 19 how am I that impact our emotional intelligence, especially for leaders in the workplace.

00:35:09.720 --> 00:35:13.710 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: prolonged stress is a very negative factor.

00:35:14.070 --> 00:35:14.610 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: In a lot of.

00:35:16.050 --> 00:35:33.870 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Our physical and emotional health and, if you think of you know a little bit we talked about the amygdala and and how reactive, we can be when there's a sense of stress when it's ongoing when it's chronic persistent that part of our brain is being activated all the time.

00:35:35.430 --> 00:35:43.110 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: You know the the neuro chemicals that are coursing through our bodies are creating more and more tension and stress and reactivity.

00:35:45.930 --> 00:36:00.480 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: we're more likely even in periods of you know, I mean it's not constant at a high level but we're more likely to be reactive when there is an interpersonal problem that emerges usually, when when we're you know when people are at us.

00:36:02.040 --> 00:36:08.670 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: kind of a baseline of of of calm of you know, being comfortable and safe.

00:36:09.840 --> 00:36:19.470 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: It takes longer to be reacted to interpersonal stressors when you're in a chronically stressed condition which is what's been happening during the pandemic.

00:36:20.430 --> 00:36:39.120 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: You much more irritable you much more reactive your your your brain is going to react much more quickly in that in that fight or flight or variations on those themes kind of ways, so you know isolation has been difficult for a lot of people for many people from maybe perhaps most people.

00:36:40.770 --> 00:36:41.460 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Being.

00:36:43.590 --> 00:36:45.750 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Being worried about getting sick.

00:36:45.810 --> 00:36:48.090 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Is a tremendously stressful thing.

00:36:48.570 --> 00:36:56.820 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And organizations that have had to work remotely where people have had to work remotely has created a lot of difficulties.

00:36:58.050 --> 00:37:01.080 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Networking in the workplace really doesn't.

00:37:02.460 --> 00:37:02.940 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Create.

00:37:02.970 --> 00:37:15.930 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: The same kind of way people need other people, people generally even people who were more quieter or introverted but still people oriented, we are, we are wired that way we're social beings yes and.

00:37:17.430 --> 00:37:27.660 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: In the absence of connection and contact with other people there's a tremendous sense of loneliness and anxiety and stress that a lot of people are experiencing, and you know.

00:37:28.710 --> 00:37:39.750 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: We know that that's true there's an uptick of of Depression and anxiety and alcohol and drug abuse and violence and a lot of things that are happening in general in our society.

00:37:40.350 --> 00:37:50.490 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And, as it impacts on the workplace, there are there are a lot of factors that have made it difficult for organizations to function optimally.

00:37:52.320 --> 00:38:04.020 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Companies have gradually come back to the workplace, some have hybrid systems where that some people work remotely some people come in, you know you're a lot of variations on that.

00:38:05.610 --> 00:38:24.630 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: But one of the big challenges is how do organizations continue to maintain a sense of purpose and meaning and and connection to the organization to the goals of the organization to the sense of being part of a team, you know for motivation is impacted.

00:38:26.670 --> 00:38:30.180 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: A lot of people in in management and ownership positions.

00:38:32.730 --> 00:38:38.190 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: may or may not be some some are sensitive to that and are trying very hard to deal with it, but it's hard.

00:38:38.190 --> 00:38:41.340 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Time right answers are, and you know.

00:38:41.790 --> 00:38:51.660 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: I think this is a time that is is trying and challenging for a lot of organizational leaders and for people who are working in organizations.

00:38:52.860 --> 00:38:54.120 Eric Sarver, Esq.: yeah yeah.

00:38:54.600 --> 00:39:00.210 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: So how to solve that right answers and one of the things I wanted to say before about being a coach.

00:39:00.870 --> 00:39:06.060 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: I don't I don't see my role as a coach to provide answers, and some people can be frustrated by that.

00:39:06.510 --> 00:39:15.930 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Either and you as an attorney you know somebody comes to you, for you know for a consult on a legal matter right that you to give them an answer about what the law is or what the options are.

00:39:17.190 --> 00:39:36.120 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: coaches avoid that if they're if they're really well trained coaches, but the opportunities to explore options and and my job is to help whoever i'm working with whether it's an executive or executive team organizational leaders owners managers or staff.

00:39:37.620 --> 00:39:50.160 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: To help people explore what's going on for them what they're experiencing how they're reacting to situations, how they can get a handle on that, and they can gradually figure out what the best solutions are.

00:39:52.470 --> 00:39:54.690 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: But it's a collaborative process.

00:39:55.650 --> 00:39:57.330 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Working with my clients.

00:39:57.690 --> 00:40:05.520 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: range and whether it's individuals or teams and essentially my goal is to help them find the answers that work best for them.

00:40:06.360 --> 00:40:13.560 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Right, so if I do, if I may, observe what makes me sad because I don't lose it but it's like the fact that.

00:40:14.280 --> 00:40:22.620 Eric Sarver, Esq.: The I heard you in in the last part of your response there and talking about the solution right and I remember when we started the show you mentioned that you're.

00:40:23.160 --> 00:40:31.560 Eric Sarver, Esq.: pretty much solution oriented and how do we overcome obstacles, so I think it was good to hear, but also, I think, equally important to name and identify the problem right because.

00:40:32.700 --> 00:40:38.610 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Until we do that we can't find a solution so really good to hear is like to how to the question of how.

00:40:39.390 --> 00:40:48.660 Eric Sarver, Esq.: The dynamic is affecting emotional intelligence and I think everyone at home can relate, whether you're in your private life, or in your work life, whether you're an employee or maybe you're a manager.

00:40:48.990 --> 00:40:56.730 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Maybe you own your own business, you have employees and maybe you're more short with them or prone to irritability frustration you've got this kind of constant exhaustion stress.

00:40:57.000 --> 00:41:02.940 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Maybe fear anxiety and you know what also strikes me is like the one two punch of this pandemic in that.

00:41:03.420 --> 00:41:10.410 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Some places are still in person, so if you were going to grocery store or restaurant you're there in person, especially the bookkeeper perhaps but.

00:41:10.920 --> 00:41:15.390 Eric Sarver, Esq.: But for those that are going hybrid or flipping modes what i'm wondering is like you know if.

00:41:15.810 --> 00:41:27.870 Eric Sarver, Esq.: If the managers and bosses are prone to let's say more anger irritability from just a constant stress of code 19 and the coordinate all the different hormones and cortisone etc, the chemicals in your brain.

00:41:28.560 --> 00:41:35.160 Eric Sarver, Esq.: it's even harder to that makes it harder to emotionally regulate I imagined, but I think it's like also harder to maybe.

00:41:35.640 --> 00:41:43.860 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Practices much social awareness and empathy when someone is just on a conference call or voice or they're on zoom and they're just like us, you know.

00:41:44.220 --> 00:41:56.130 Eric Sarver, Esq.: live on the screen, you might not be able to see or sense, maybe how uncomfortable they might be the situation so i've seen more cases of virtual workplace harassment starting and like a lot of employers even.

00:41:56.580 --> 00:42:02.940 Eric Sarver, Esq.: When they started a couple maybe looking for the silver lining I usually joke that well these we can save money on.

00:42:03.630 --> 00:42:15.030 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Anti harassment, training, because no one's in the office when yet harassment, since have risen elasticsearch shown, because people take liberties on zoom they wouldn't normally and they can't see engage someone's.

00:42:15.480 --> 00:42:21.810 Eric Sarver, Esq.: On comfortability so or company, you know, so I think it's like a really good point that you make, and then the whole solution.

00:42:22.560 --> 00:42:32.910 Eric Sarver, Esq.: of you know how do we look at this it kind of we say you have employers and people step back and and really you know reading those reactive responses just interesting yeah.

00:42:33.420 --> 00:42:37.800 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Great great observations Eric and I know that your practice mostly.

00:42:38.490 --> 00:42:41.010 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Is on on on employers.

00:42:41.220 --> 00:42:41.610 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Fred.

00:42:41.820 --> 00:42:42.630 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Your clients.

00:42:42.960 --> 00:42:49.530 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: But the other side of the equation is also so important for people in those positions to try their best to keep in mind that.

00:42:49.860 --> 00:43:08.370 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: For all the stress they're feeling and this tremendous stress stress on business owners about you know getting through the pandemic financial concerns managing their staff dealing with people leaving the organization and having a shortage of staff and having to.

00:43:09.570 --> 00:43:16.950 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: You know hire people etc this tremendous stress, but there's a lot of stress on the other side of that interpersonal connection as well.

00:43:17.250 --> 00:43:21.270 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Right employees are feeling stressed as well and.

00:43:22.350 --> 00:43:31.590 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And so it's it is kind of that reactive situation that you mentioned before, that if one person is irritable and and hyper reactive.

00:43:31.620 --> 00:43:33.120 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: in a negative light of way.

00:43:33.300 --> 00:43:42.960 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: No saboteurs all kind of way way way that kind of expresses negative emotions, the other person is going to get triggered and it is going to respond to it, and then it tends to escalate.

00:43:43.260 --> 00:43:53.700 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: So you know, one of the things that I would recommend, because I know that employers and business owners and managers, at whatever level are feeling a tremendous amount of stress.

00:43:54.390 --> 00:44:09.360 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: They relieve that stress how do they find ways of releasing some of that pressure, and you know just techniques that each person has in terms of ways that they relax when they're not at work or even when they're at work.

00:44:10.500 --> 00:44:15.150 Eric Sarver, Esq.: You know mark sorry, let me just um so I mean disruptive ever be but I realized we're a little over the.

00:44:15.720 --> 00:44:16.920 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Commercial break, but I don't.

00:44:18.180 --> 00:44:24.930 Eric Sarver, Esq.: mean to interrupt you, but what I love like maybe we come back from the break i'd love to hear some of those techniques and maybe how you.

00:44:26.160 --> 00:44:29.520 Eric Sarver, Esq.: differentiate yourself from other coaches, when you work with business leaders so.

00:44:29.850 --> 00:44:43.200 Eric Sarver, Esq.: That gives our audience a little suspense stick around don't go anywhere it's a short commercial break and interesting topics so i'm Eric Sabra host of employment law today my guest Dr mark Miller mark Miller coaching consulting stick around be right back.

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00:46:43.080 --> 00:46:54.180 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Welcome back to employment law today i'm your host Eric sovereign employment law business law attorney representing management business owners and my guest tonight, Dr mark Miller, who works with.

00:46:54.660 --> 00:46:59.820 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Companies executives professionals in a different capacity through coaching and consulting.

00:47:00.150 --> 00:47:11.760 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And we're talking about this topic of emotionally intelligent employers leading with awareness so really great topic and just want to say before you especially Margaret I think you've really given us interesting.

00:47:13.080 --> 00:47:22.110 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Both theory and practical applications as well, so I think is helpful for those at home, who might themselves be middle management employees or even.

00:47:22.560 --> 00:47:30.240 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Entry level employees or employers like you said it applies to both sides of the of the equation so want to make that point there as well, now.

00:47:31.740 --> 00:47:40.230 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And I have actually have one question for you about I think before the break you're mentioning what kind of maybe an exercise or tool that.

00:47:41.040 --> 00:47:51.150 Eric Sarver, Esq.: business owners or employers are people can use when they're triggered or how do they keep that and then, how do you work with your clients and distinct way yeah.

00:47:52.830 --> 00:47:55.590 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: It starts with self awareness, though.

00:47:56.820 --> 00:48:16.590 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: The more of the individual, whatever the position that individualization is aware of their emotions and especially there they're upset emotions their negative emotions and you know getting upset getting irritable getting angry getting frustrated.

00:48:20.160 --> 00:48:29.010 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: You know, being aware of that, before you start screaming no Sir screaming is ever a good approach and neck, you know.

00:48:30.450 --> 00:48:32.100 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Fear is never a great motivator.

00:48:32.610 --> 00:48:45.780 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And unfortunately, there are still some leaders and organizations so called leaders or senior people in organizations that think well in the boss, I can do it, but it has a very negative impact on on staff right.

00:48:46.590 --> 00:48:51.810 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: So that it's never the best way to motivate a much better way to motivate, by the way, is is.

00:48:52.350 --> 00:48:59.130 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Asking questions being aware of trying to be aware of what's going on for for the people you were working for you.

00:48:59.670 --> 00:49:14.640 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Using a coach approach which people have to learn how to do, usually but asking trying to mentor and and clarify what might be going on to help the the employee find better solutions to whatever is troubling them.

00:49:15.960 --> 00:49:35.670 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: But it in terms of the the specific question that you're asking this issue has to store it with leading with awareness which is kind of the sub topic subtitle of our presentation our discussion today it's self awareness so as a as a person in an authority position starts.

00:49:36.690 --> 00:49:47.490 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: reflecting on how he or she is feeling if there's a particular person on on the team who rubs that person the wrong way you know, be aware of that, you know.

00:49:48.660 --> 00:49:57.630 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: It may be that you just incompatible and that person, maybe isn't that isn't the best person to be on your team, but assuming that the person really bring some value.

00:49:58.650 --> 00:50:06.690 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: it's incumbent on the person in authority in the leadership position to be aware of what is getting triggered in themselves.

00:50:06.960 --> 00:50:12.630 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Right and that's number one and be more it gets to the point of explosion.

00:50:14.190 --> 00:50:17.010 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: reflect on it, identify it and there's a.

00:50:17.010 --> 00:50:21.840 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Whole technique that is part of this approach that's called positive intelligence, which is a.

00:50:22.830 --> 00:50:27.030 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: approach to coaching that i've recently had some training in, and I think is.

00:50:27.030 --> 00:50:27.720 Wonderful.

00:50:29.370 --> 00:50:45.330 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: So, once you become aware that that something's getting activated in you that's called a saboteurs and negative reaction and it's and it comes with a negative emotion, there are little techniques that are many meditation devices.

00:50:46.020 --> 00:50:57.450 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: That are actually very, very helpful, it can be a very simple one, like you know you think of meditation terms of breathing focusing on your breath and that's a very typical one.

00:50:57.690 --> 00:51:01.260 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: But if you do that for 15 seconds or 30 seconds.

00:51:02.310 --> 00:51:10.560 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: focus on your breath, you may get distracted come back to your breath that can ground you that can actually activate a different part of your brain that isn't.

00:51:10.800 --> 00:51:19.800 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: The the angry reactive fight or flight part of your brain right to do a little exercise that I think is fascinating you rub two fingers together.

00:51:20.970 --> 00:51:26.190 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: With an awareness as much as you can have as if you're feeling the ridges on both fingers.

00:51:26.550 --> 00:51:27.090 Eric Sarver, Esq.: know.

00:51:27.270 --> 00:51:32.610 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Whether you really can feel them or not, if you're focused on that you're focused on a bodily sensation.

00:51:33.630 --> 00:51:44.100 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: That for 15 seconds, or you know it's really a very short thing, but the more you do it, the more you activate this part of the brain that allows you to shift.

00:51:45.000 --> 00:51:47.520 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Being in the moment, rather than being in the emotion.

00:51:47.940 --> 00:52:04.500 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And yeah it prepares you you're getting into what what's this the stage part of the brain the smart part of the brain it activates the prefrontal lobe and other parts of your brain when you can calm down, you can think about what options, you have you can address it in a calm way.

00:52:05.700 --> 00:52:14.880 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: easier said than done, it takes a lot of practice, you know the negative ways of responding have been reinforced over and over and over throughout our lifetimes.

00:52:15.000 --> 00:52:20.490 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Right, so those pathways in our brain are activated instantaneously.

00:52:20.850 --> 00:52:21.480 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Right that's.

00:52:21.510 --> 00:52:26.580 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Typical ones there's an assessment that I recommend it's called the saboteur assessment.

00:52:28.320 --> 00:52:35.790 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: it's available on the website for positive intelligence www dot positive intelligence COM.

00:52:36.030 --> 00:52:36.450 Eric Sarver, Esq.: uh huh.

00:52:36.570 --> 00:52:37.620 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Avatar assessment.

00:52:38.160 --> 00:52:39.330 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: it's available for.

00:52:39.330 --> 00:52:39.900 Free.

00:52:40.980 --> 00:52:58.860 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: The the coach who has created the system is named mushrooms odd sure charmaine brilliant guy who's integrated so many different aspects of psychology meditation neuroscience and it's a great system, you need you need to work at it, you need.

00:52:58.860 --> 00:53:13.170 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Help usually in developing those skills and practicing those skills, but the more you can practice recognizing what's going on emotionally for you that's that's a negative aspect to it use one of these techniques, and this is one of many.

00:53:14.340 --> 00:53:31.920 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: refocus away from the intensity of the emotion, you can then get into thinking clearly rationally calmly and instead of that escalating process where you're reacting to something and then they react to your reaction and it escalates right calms things down.

00:53:32.460 --> 00:53:35.310 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Right I wish it was as easy as i'm saying it.

00:53:36.570 --> 00:53:40.170 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: But but there's a real value in learning how to do that.

00:53:40.500 --> 00:53:42.450 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Yes, tremendously valuable.

00:53:42.930 --> 00:53:50.670 Eric Sarver, Esq.: That I think is important point as well it's like you know, like because yeah It strikes me as well first off the mindfulness meditation and we all hear so much about.

00:53:51.090 --> 00:53:59.430 Eric Sarver, Esq.: fascinating to hear how it works on a scientific level what also strikes me interesting is that the phrase comes to mind the expression i've heard somewhere that.

00:53:59.850 --> 00:54:06.930 Eric Sarver, Esq.: it's simple but not easy right so it's like you know breathing going like this it's not hard breathing is that hard, we will be doing every day.

00:54:07.350 --> 00:54:13.410 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Focusing on the breath when we're angry upset and, as you pointed out, we have a history graphs of reacting.

00:54:13.710 --> 00:54:23.490 Eric Sarver, Esq.: A lot of people in power, may have gotten there, and through you know fight and aggression and they're sort of a costume rewarded they tell themselves that's how I got where I am.

00:54:23.820 --> 00:54:30.870 Eric Sarver, Esq.: But you pointed out that there's every word, because if we're calm and focus we won't find ourselves, on the other end of it say.

00:54:31.200 --> 00:54:43.380 Eric Sarver, Esq.: An employee is complete the HR about an abusive manager and we won't find a Celtic maybe being written up or perhaps losing a good a good worker because we're just too hot headed, so I really appreciate your.

00:54:43.770 --> 00:54:51.210 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Absolutely yeah sharing that you know that technique we've got three minutes to sell to the end of the show michaels fast we're having fun I say but.

00:54:51.480 --> 00:55:04.500 Eric Sarver, Esq.: I think really good to give them valuable stuff they're like this is the user point the show mark, where I turned to mastermind guess you can talk about anything else going on your kind of info any any workshops, or how we can reach you floors yours.

00:55:06.060 --> 00:55:06.510 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Okay.

00:55:09.000 --> 00:55:16.530 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: I wish I could just put it up on the screen, but I can't so if anybody would like to follow up i'd be delighted to hear from you so.

00:55:17.640 --> 00:55:23.820 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: My email address is mark ma RC at mark Miller coaching COM.

00:55:24.960 --> 00:55:25.500 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Okay.

00:55:27.600 --> 00:55:40.530 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: i've been using my cell phone not my office phone recently and it's fine i'm going to give you my my number if you'd like to all 516-835-5977 516-835-5977.

00:55:42.000 --> 00:55:51.750 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: And if you're interested in doing that assessment that I mentioned the saboteurs assessment it's not mine it's a coaches odds a gift in a way to the world.

00:55:52.560 --> 00:55:57.540 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: which I think is very, very generous of him positive intelligence has a lot of programs.

00:55:58.710 --> 00:56:08.640 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: He has offered and and as given this gift of of this program of training to I don't know how many hundreds if not thousands of coaches.

00:56:09.180 --> 00:56:18.510 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: pro bono just because he believes in in helping the world and saving the world by Institute, you know i'm not proselytizing for him, but I believe that he's really.

00:56:18.750 --> 00:56:34.080 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: done a great job of integrating a lot of things, so if you're interested go to the website check out the saboteur assessment you'll find it on one on the homepage and then you'll get to another page where you click on it, it takes about 10 minutes it's free.

00:56:34.380 --> 00:56:35.280 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: there's no charge.

00:56:37.020 --> 00:56:46.590 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: But if you ever want to follow up with me in debriefing it and seeing what you can learn from it, I offer that to people great you know pro bono.

00:56:47.220 --> 00:57:02.130 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Just as an introduction to the process and, of course, if you want to work with me and develop those skills more and other things that I offer you know that would be great one thing that we didn't really clarify that I just wanted to spend a moment on, if I still have it.

00:57:02.370 --> 00:57:02.670 going.

00:57:03.900 --> 00:57:04.860 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Okay, real quick.

00:57:05.460 --> 00:57:07.740 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: what differentiates me from a lot of other coaches.

00:57:07.800 --> 00:57:16.230 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: A lot of other business coaches or organizational coaches and I think what really differentiates me i'm not uniqueness, but there is a relatively small number.

00:57:16.530 --> 00:57:29.550 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: of people who are coaching who come from the psychology background the psychotherapy background, who have the you know that background and knowledge that's integrated to the way I coach so you know and it doesn't mean something's wrong with you.

00:57:29.790 --> 00:57:30.750 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: We all have.

00:57:30.930 --> 00:57:41.250 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: We all react, we all have triggers, we will have saboteurs and that humanity is what we all have to acknowledge and not be embarrassed or ashamed about.

00:57:41.910 --> 00:57:48.480 Eric Sarver, Esq.: Excellent mark Thank you so much you've got to stop for the night but i'm Eric Sava your host my show and formula today our guest tonight mark Miller.

00:57:48.780 --> 00:58:00.780 Eric Sarver, Esq.: And the contact information i'll put it in the links to the show I wish everyone a great night everyone stay safe stay healthy Happy New Year join us next Tuesday on talk radio nyc mark Thank you so much.

00:58:01.140 --> 00:58:02.670 Marc Miller, Ph.D., PCC: Thank you Eric this was a pleasure.

00:58:03.000 --> 00:58:04.260 Eric Sarver, Esq.: pleasure as well, thank you.

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