Philanthropy in Phocus

Friday, October 28, 2022
Facebook Live Video from 2022/10/28 -  Self-care Is Not Selfish!

Facebook Live Video from 2022/10/28 -  Self-care Is Not Selfish!


2022/10/28 - Self-care Is Not Selfish!

[NEW EPISODE] Self-care Is Not Selfish!


Listeners will learn why it is important to take care of themselves while they are caring for others.They will learn some of the physical and emotional impacts of being a caregiver and what they can do to help themselves to be healthier and, hopefully, happier. And they will learn how Nancy's House is here to help and the many programs we offer.


About Elissa: Elissa Lewin is a licensed psychologist, marriage and family therapist, serial caregiver and founder of Nancy's House. The programs that Nancy's House provides are informed by the combination of Elissa's caregiving experience, research in the field of caregiving, and her training as a psychologist.

About Nancy's House: Nancy's House breaks the isolation and exhaustion that can come with taking care of someone who is chronically ill or disabled.  We offer 1- and 3-day retreats for caregivers, online and in person workshops, monthly book clubs, monthly support groups and an annual conference for family caregivers.

Name of your organization: Nancy's House


Facebook: @Nancys.House.Respite

LinkedIn: Nancy's House Caring for Caregivers


Tune in for this sensible conversation at or watch the Facebook Livestream by Clicking Here.

Show Notes

Segment 1

Segment 2

Segment 3

Segment 4


00:00:19.310 --> 00:00:37.970 Tommy D: I recognize that sound. That's my song. It's to me. D. The nonprofit sector connector coming out to you. You know a couple of flights up from the kitchen, where I get my coffee right below the roof, which is at the top of the uh the building which i'm in meeting my house. I'm. In the attic philanthropy and focus every single

00:00:37.980 --> 00:00:53.059 Tommy D: Friday morning. Actually, uh, I was looking at my notes. This is the ninety second episode of philanthropy and focus. And I tell you that because that's cool, and i'm happy about it, and i'm excited about it. But I think it could be inspiring because you have an idea, and you want to do something.

00:00:53.080 --> 00:00:57.829 Tommy D: Just do it like just lean in and go do that thing that you want to do because you

00:00:58.040 --> 00:01:14.760 Tommy D: like, I say, on this show philanthropy and focus a couple of things happen. I meet with nonprofit leaders each week. I help them tell their story, and I am will find a message for them. I help get their message out to the best I can through my networks, through my connections, through my relationships and through my social capital.

00:01:14.770 --> 00:01:20.769 Tommy D: That means the people I'm. Connected to the the organizations. I'm connected to, uh,

00:01:20.780 --> 00:01:50.769 Tommy D: i'm kind of in all. I looked at the number. I knew I was a big number already, but ninety-two is a lot, and as I look at it, the final episode of this year will be December sixteenth, which is episode number ninety-nine. So because we take a couple of weeks off here at the end of the year, I talk radio that in Yc. You'll have to wait till two thousand and twenty-three for episode one hundred and i'll probably have to wear a funny it costume or something that just seems like a big deal. I don't. I don't know what you're supposed to do after one hundred episodes, but I remember back in the day when they talk about sitcoms. If you had a hundred episodes

00:01:50.780 --> 00:02:08.570 Tommy D: that you had syndication like, maybe like Seinfeld, so maybe i'm like Seinfeld soon Alyssa lewin good morning. What's going on? How are you? Good morning, Tommy. I am doing well. Thank you so much for having me here. I appreciate it, and you know it. It's really such an honor to be with um

00:02:08.580 --> 00:02:11.529 Tommy D: a seinfeld surrogate so

00:02:12.000 --> 00:02:29.869 Tommy D: allowed it. I just get bold there right now. Now i'm Jerry Seinfeld. So that was funny. Um, you know it's funny right now. Seinfeld's on Netflix. So a whole new generation of people who were not around when we were watching that show you know whatever was twenty-five years ago, are now watching it, and it's It's funny to know like

00:02:30.270 --> 00:02:37.809 Tommy D: we'll stop talking about something else soon. Everybody but it's funny for me like to see those like how their fashion is so dated.

00:02:37.820 --> 00:02:50.639 Tommy D: But I live during that time. He's the funny part about it, too, like I was alive like during that. But, wow, they look, You know. I always see Jerry Seinfeld with jeans on no belt. I'm always like, yeah, put a belt on Bro. What What are we?

00:02:50.650 --> 00:03:19.519 Tommy D: So look, you know, on this show getting that stuff is still in my closet. You have that stuff Still, Still, you know what it's. I Probably if I don't want to give my dad and my father in law hard time, but I bet they still have those same clothes, too. Man, I will say this. I remember there was a time in history when, like we used to wear like like with shorts, you would wear like tube socks, but like all the way up to your knees, and I then I was old enough to buy my own socks, and I was like Dad. You got to stop with those socks like jacked up your knees right? And the funny part about it

00:03:19.530 --> 00:03:34.810 Tommy D: is now my eleven year old. That's the style where it's obviously where these stocks are. Back up in your knees again, and it would short, and i'll tell you what's all this new again. What's new is all again. It's just a big, you know. Lion King is the circle of life. You know

00:03:34.820 --> 00:03:48.180 Tommy D: the fashion Companies get a kick out of it, because, like oh, we could sell that stuff we were selling like twenty years ago, or they like it again, you know. I mean I it's It's just funny how the world keeps It keeps going in a big circle. Um, look, you know, Alice, we when we met,

00:03:48.190 --> 00:03:59.169 Tommy D: I'm very touched by the work you're doing. I'm touched by your organization. I'm going to read your background and read about the organization in a bit, but I I just feel like I did a video leading up to this, as I usually do.

00:03:59.580 --> 00:04:12.010 Tommy D: And I said, self care is not selfish, and I I took that from some of the materials I got from you, and and you know It's been resonating with me, because, as I talked about

00:04:12.410 --> 00:04:18.219 Tommy D: um I find that at forty-four years old. I am part of the Sandwich generation,

00:04:18.230 --> 00:04:40.939 Tommy D: and I have friends who are twenty and some thirty year my senior or part of the Sandwich generation, so it's like kind of this is one of those things is I don't know. Is it like the mafia? Once you're in, you're in like you're in the sandwich generation. You're in it like because and maybe we could speak to what that means for people. It's not just somebody who likes, you know Bologna and cheese, or

00:04:40.950 --> 00:05:00.609 Tommy D: or you know I have it pro alone. It's about a situation where you're raising young children under the age of eighteen um, or they could be older than eighteen, I guess. But if they're still depending on us, or if they're still on the payroll, as people like to say in a vernacular as well as caring for either your own parents. Um! A a spouse

00:05:00.620 --> 00:05:20.549 Tommy D: um your your in-laws, an aunt or an uncle really you know it doesn't even have to be a family member. It could just be someone who is older than you and is is connected to you, friend or what? Otherwise. So um I want it. We're gonna hear all about your story, and how and how you created Nancy's house and and really why you created Nancy's house.

00:05:20.560 --> 00:05:48.820 Elissa: But i'd love to just kind of say, what's about the sandwich generation? How familiar are you with that term? And maybe we could speak about that before we get get it to Tommy. That was my life that that that's really what started Nancy's house was being switched in the middle of that sandwich, and you know it. It does go on in some form or another until it ends, and it never ends in a way that we want it to

00:05:48.830 --> 00:05:52.149 Tommy D: right. Right. Yeah, Yeah, it's true. And

00:05:52.210 --> 00:05:53.690 Tommy D: I think um,

00:05:53.730 --> 00:06:10.339 Tommy D: you know, not to get scientific. But people didn't live historically as long as we do live now. So right? So The fact is, folks are which is great that people are around longer, but comes with that. You know the challenge of of taking care of these people supporting them. Um,

00:06:10.350 --> 00:06:18.519 Tommy D: you know, making this this whole other conversation. I don't know if we're getting to it today, but of when a parent gets to a certain point um

00:06:18.920 --> 00:06:38.220 Tommy D: having them in this discussion of Well, I don't want to leave my home right, and but so that becomes this whole dynamic, and not to mention the cost of long-term care and all these types of things. Again, I'll bring out a financial advisor if we want to get into those, but those end up becoming stressors

00:06:38.230 --> 00:06:46.519 Elissa: mit ctl and for the caregiver. And that's really absolutely right. Absolutely Caregivers spend a lot of their own money one hundred and fifty

00:06:46.530 --> 00:07:04.250 Elissa: um taking care of this other person that they love. And this is the non reimbursable stuff you know the this is the special food they might need, or the hundred dollars a week. You might pay them parking because of follow up visits to a doctor, or you know it's It's

00:07:04.260 --> 00:07:24.280 Tommy D: there's a lot that that happens. Yeah,

00:07:24.290 --> 00:07:40.460 Tommy D: I had some preparation for this morning showing some other meetings, but I heard kind of what was going on, and um, and I know she has other stressors pulling her in different directions, as those of us, as I said in our age range do um, and it's like, you know. Eventually

00:07:40.480 --> 00:07:48.249 Tommy D: it becomes a big challenge, and eventually, as we'll talk about this morning, it can affect our own personal health, which is, then

00:07:48.260 --> 00:08:18.059 Tommy D: how are we any good to anybody. So again, Self-care is not selfish. That's sort of the theme. We're going to talk about it's really around that we as caregivers who, if you're not one now. You're going to be one, and if you're not one, and maybe you're being cared for. So So let me read a quick thing about your background. Alyssa loan is a license psychologist. Marriage and family therapist, serial caregiver and founder of Nancy's house. The programs that Nancy's House provides are informed by the combination of a list of caregiving experience

00:08:18.110 --> 00:08:47.470 Tommy D: research in the field of caregiving and her training as a psychologist. So the organization which you're going to tell me about provides a retreat setting that breaks the isolation and exhaustion of family care, giving, allowing rest, education, and connection with other family caregivers. See, I think that's the biggest part, too. It's It's about connection to others, you know. When someone loses a family member of spouse, there's circles. There's communities that they can belong to, and become part of,

00:08:47.480 --> 00:09:06.739 Tommy D: which often serve them well. Both supportive, you know, emotionally and and spiritually, and in a lot of different ways, you know. Sometimes we need a hug a lot of times we need to hug, and sometimes it's important to have people around to do that, So can we start on your journey, What? Where? You know your own experience, and how

00:09:06.800 --> 00:09:16.630 Tommy D: who it? I know there is a Nancy, and we'll talk about that. But how does all this happen as much or as little as you want to go into right now? Let's let's start it off.

00:09:16.850 --> 00:09:31.820 Elissa: How did all of this happen for me what started my caregiving journey. Oh, i'm a serial caregiver, and um, I think a lot of us can make that claim, but my journey, as I identify mine started

00:09:31.850 --> 00:09:40.380 Elissa: um when I had a second grader that I figured out had some pretty significant learning challenges.

00:09:40.460 --> 00:09:56.550 Elissa: Um! And at the same time I had a toddler still in diapers, and my mother in law. Um became quite ill very quickly Now, in in my story there's my mother in law, and my father in law.

00:09:56.560 --> 00:10:10.920 Elissa: Um, they divorced when my husband was a year old. So there's my mother in law, and there's my father in law. They are not in any way a support to each other. Um! But he and I were the support for both of them.

00:10:11.170 --> 00:10:16.379 Elissa: So, um! She became quite all very quickly. We needed to get

00:10:16.470 --> 00:10:28.809 Elissa: diagnosed it. It was really pretty radical, and we needed to get diagnosis very quickly. We needed to um get her the proper care, and Um moved her out of her apartment

00:10:29.220 --> 00:10:32.080 Elissa: into an appropriate care facility the

00:10:32.660 --> 00:10:37.450 Elissa: while I was still very involved in my now second graders

00:10:37.580 --> 00:10:46.820 Elissa: education, and and getting that stuff on track, and had a toddler um. And in that process I noticed that I had this swollen land,

00:10:47.160 --> 00:10:55.520 Elissa: and i'm a very good caregiver, so I would have ignored it. Um,

00:10:55.530 --> 00:11:17.299 Tommy D: because we do. We ignore ourselves, I know. But we got on the score that because that's cute and funny and serious, all in one one commentary. There, you! You're such a good caregiver for everyone else that this lump in your neck you you said in your neck. Right, walk it off right. That's not it. It ain't about you, Alyssa. It's about everybody else,

00:11:17.310 --> 00:11:27.540 Elissa: so we'll deal with that some other time. But then it started to get in the way when I would turn my head to back up the car. Um, it's like, okay. I got to get this taken care of, and I went to the dock,

00:11:27.790 --> 00:11:31.520 Elissa: figuring she'd give me antibiotics, and you like zip, zap done,

00:11:31.540 --> 00:11:38.619 Elissa: she said. You know i'm not seeing any sign of infection, and i'd like to do some blood work. I'm like okay, fine.

00:11:39.070 --> 00:11:42.590 Elissa: So she called me the next morning, which is never a good sign.

00:11:43.140 --> 00:11:50.649 Elissa: And she said, Listen, uh! Either the lab really screwed up or we have a problem. I want to do your blood work again,

00:11:50.980 --> 00:11:52.510 Elissa: I said. Fine!

00:11:52.780 --> 00:11:54.919 Elissa: And she called me the next morning.

00:11:55.290 --> 00:12:01.719 Elissa: Well, it turned out that I had, at the age of about forty, developed chronic lymphoetic leukemia.

00:12:02.310 --> 00:12:09.820 Elissa: So what's really weird about that is, I had none of the predisposing factors. Um,

00:12:10.090 --> 00:12:14.379 Elissa: i'm not. Elderly people who get it tend to be elderly. They tend to be men,

00:12:14.530 --> 00:12:24.780 Elissa: and um depending on who studies You're reading. It seems like more African Americans than whites get it, and it's like, okay, three for three. Here, What's the problem?

00:12:25.220 --> 00:12:33.229 Elissa: Right? And what I figured out as I got more into my caregiving experience and and knowledge is

00:12:33.710 --> 00:12:38.040 Elissa: the problem is that the stress of caregiving suppresses our immune systems,

00:12:38.740 --> 00:12:44.010 Elissa: and it sets off other things in our bodies. And when those things happen

00:12:45.570 --> 00:13:05.399 Elissa: it leaves us vulnerable. It leaves us vulnerable to all kinds of cancers, like an immune system. Cancer um, heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, all kinds of metabolic things. Um, I have to say to me because people always get concerned when I say I have, cll it, and I will grow all together. We're doing fine,

00:13:05.410 --> 00:13:17.969 Tommy D: but that's also part of the self care, story.

00:13:18.420 --> 00:13:20.479 Tommy D: Want people to realize what

00:13:20.520 --> 00:13:22.350 Tommy D: what the facts are. Here

00:13:23.010 --> 00:13:25.839 Tommy D: stress depletes our immune system,

00:13:25.940 --> 00:13:32.430 Tommy D: and then bad things can happen because we're you know we're not able to our body, which is an incredible machine.

00:13:32.500 --> 00:13:33.460 Tommy D: Uh,

00:13:33.570 --> 00:13:42.749 Tommy D: he's not able to fight things off, and they and you know, whereas with with, if our immune system was not compromised and correct me from wrong from your own experience.

00:13:43.180 --> 00:14:01.510 Tommy D: More than likely, these challenging problems and cancers would not happen. They I mean it right. That's what we're talking about. Yeah. So so I want everybody to take pause and think of that. And you know this is when we get into Nancy's house and things like that. If you are a caregiver, you lost pause

00:14:01.520 --> 00:14:07.510 Tommy D: and take care of yourself, because you know it's become so complete today. Um!

00:14:07.730 --> 00:14:37.229 Tommy D: Put on your your oxygen mask before you put on the child's oxygen mask, because they tell us on a plane, and people think it's cute, and and I hear you know some parents go. I would never do that. Of course I'm going to do, but that's wrong. I'm sorry but that's wrong, because if you pass out you can't help anybody, and life versus on that plane. You're not helpful to anyone. And as I look directly into the camera, i'm looking to me as well, and i'm saying to myself,

00:14:37.240 --> 00:14:57.139 Tommy D: You actually have to, and I find myself in my week sometimes, you know, in my weeks taking a pause, and having, you know, in in working with coaches on my own and taking that falls, and having to say, Okay, step away, step away from the desk, step away from the situation. Step away from this meeting, whatever it is, and and go meditate,

00:14:57.150 --> 00:15:15.790 Tommy D: or go for a walk, or you know we have to go. Take an out they can, you, that you know. So that's what I'm encouraging everybody to learn from this conversation that Alyssa and I are going to have or are having, and they're going to continue to have when we come back from this quick break. But it's about that.

00:15:16.050 --> 00:15:22.260 Tommy D: These things we can control much of this. We can control it by making different decisions. Right? Wouldn't you agree?

00:15:22.320 --> 00:15:40.309 Elissa: Absolutely. Um, we can. We can help. We can't guarantee, but we can certainly help to make things better again. It's all about putting ourselves in the best position right for these. That's it. We're going to take quick break, as we always do on the show we'll be back in about eighty-four seconds. Listen to me, D. Let's be in focus right back.

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00:16:47.360 --> 00:17:16.320 Are you on edge, hey? We live in challenging edgy time. So let's lean in. I'm Sander Bargeman, the host of the edge of every day, which airs each Monday at seven P. M. Eastern time on talk radio dot Nyc. Tune in Live with me and my friends and colleagues, as we share stories of perspectives about pushing boundaries and exploring our rough edges. That's the edge of every day on Mondays at seven P. M. Eastern time on top. Radio, Dot. Nyc:

00:17:17.589 --> 00:17:28.890 You're listening to talk radio, Nyc: uplift, educate, and power,

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00:17:50.600 --> 00:18:10.560 Tommy D: The only song in the history of songs that talks about a guy doing a radio show from his attic. I think i'm not sure. But that's what I think. You know. I got to give a shout out to me, Collins, my buddy was checking in on Facebook, and he makes this. Whoa! Who these people in my attic? That's my best, Jerry Seinfeld thing. He thought he was doing his siphon. Mick, you could do it better than me if I had to dial it in. I'm right. Have you calling?

00:18:10.570 --> 00:18:11.620 Elissa: Um?

00:18:11.920 --> 00:18:13.630 Tommy D: We were gonna, you know,

00:18:14.320 --> 00:18:24.109 Tommy D: talk metaphors for me, you know you said this in in our little chat box Here, Alyssa Lewin is here, by the way, from Nancy's house. Philanthropy and focus um.

00:18:24.770 --> 00:18:28.379 Tommy D: Tell me the one you just chat jotted down in the chat. Let's talk about that

00:18:29.380 --> 00:18:33.750 Elissa: what I always tell our guests is you can't pour from an empty cup.

00:18:34.330 --> 00:18:38.629 Elissa: You have to fill yourself so that you have more to give,

00:18:39.020 --> 00:18:54.029 Elissa: and I actually got in trouble with one guy one time. Um, you know I was talking about You Take care of yourself, so you can be a a better caregiver, and it's like No, no, you take care of yourself because you deserve to take care of yourself. You deserve to be healthy.

00:18:54.040 --> 00:19:09.529 Tommy D: I could dig that, too. Yeah, I see It's funny, though, because he read you with your whole thing about the neck and old thing right like You're i'm such a caregiver. I'm not going to worry about me, and he's like no stop making it about every other people you know. That's the funny thing about life like,

00:19:09.540 --> 00:19:23.899 Tommy D: why shouldn't we be a bit sell fish like? Why, shouldn't we day? I I feel like we're we're. And again I listen. I'm always trying to help other people, and I I got my own that you know. Um, but it it. It's like

00:19:23.910 --> 00:19:38.669 Tommy D: okay to take care of It's appropriate, and he's right. Whoever said that he's right. That's actually what we're supposed to be doing. Right. Yes, you're better for everybody else, but also you're better for yourself. And then, in essence. It just the ripples keep going out right.

00:19:38.930 --> 00:19:52.940 Elissa: Self-care is not selfish. It's self preservation.

00:19:53.320 --> 00:19:54.520 Elissa: So

00:19:55.440 --> 00:20:01.219 Elissa: there there is a fast forward um, and then

00:20:01.400 --> 00:20:10.299 Elissa: two thousand my father in law, who was then ninety-five. No ninety. He was then ninety. Um

00:20:10.580 --> 00:20:27.129 Elissa: had to move in with us. We had been doing all the stuff that you do to try to maintain him, you know, in his own space We moved him closer. I was cooking extra meals. We were laying out a week's worth of meds at a time, all that stuff, and it reached a point where it was not safe for him to be by himself. Now this Guy had

00:20:27.160 --> 00:20:28.880 Elissa: Parkinson's disease,

00:20:29.360 --> 00:20:39.840 Elissa: um diabetes, congestive heart failure, a couple of cancers, and just enough to mention to keep it interesting.

00:20:40.060 --> 00:21:08.170 Tommy D: We have to have a lab sometimes sometimes, you know. Actually, It's an old uh, you know. I'll make a reference to something that some people will pick up on. You know a tribe call Quest is one of my favorite groups back in the day still Tuesday, and they said so much going on, people killing people dying. I got a laugh to keep from crying, you know, like, and that's what it is, because, like we, you know, this is life, man. It's part of the gig. You just gotta,

00:21:08.200 --> 00:21:36.149 Tommy D: you know the smile make a joke keeps us going. By the way, I know we'll talk about this later on, but there's actually going to be a workshop at the Conference on finding humor and journaling with humor, No doubt. Yeah, I it's a They say it's the best medicine. And there there was about a year and a half ago. Somewhere through my my networking I met a woman who coaches people on laughing and laughter as therapy like. That's a gate. I haven't spoken to her in a year and a half.

00:21:36.160 --> 00:22:04.530 Tommy D: Uh we had a chance meeting through networking, and then just you know how life is, but I would like to look her up because I think that's great. Um! So you know that is, that's critical, just enough dementia to keep it interesting is the comment. Is that so? He moves in. So now they should be right. It's easy. Now. You don't have to lay out a week's worth of Meds. You don't have to cook extra meals and deliver them. He's in the house with you now. It should be much easier. Right?

00:22:04.660 --> 00:22:13.149 Elissa: Um! It was there. There are stories we haven't the time for all the stories. They are pretty funny, though. Um,

00:22:13.750 --> 00:22:25.759 Elissa: but what what is interesting and and part of again The story of Nancy's house is the de with the dementia. His clock was flipped, which meant he was up at night.

00:22:25.820 --> 00:22:36.769 Elissa: Um, yeah, And you know, really interesting. I'm i'm a slow learner. Um! It took me two and a half years of his living with us for me to go. Wait a minute

00:22:37.300 --> 00:22:39.630 Elissa: this isn't my father

00:22:40.230 --> 00:22:50.409 Tommy D: all right, are you saying, are you not? Everybody was up, not everybody was. Some people slept through.

00:22:50.550 --> 00:22:57.219 Tommy D: Oh, my goodness, all make a funny comment. I used to think my kids, when they were babies slept through the night.

00:22:57.520 --> 00:23:13.550 Tommy D: They didn't. I found out later on they didn't sleep,

00:23:15.310 --> 00:23:24.709 Elissa: I, you know, when he moved in. I had already had this experience with cancer, and and knowing that I needed to take care of myself and um,

00:23:25.260 --> 00:23:28.339 Elissa: I started seeing a massage therapist,

00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:36.300 Elissa: and her name was Nancy Brown. We had this conversation one day about wouldn't it be great If there were a place we could go to

00:23:36.470 --> 00:23:40.210 Elissa: where we could get taken care of the way we take care of these other people.

00:23:41.120 --> 00:23:42.140 Elissa: And

00:23:42.530 --> 00:23:54.269 Elissa: I gotta say, Tommy, I really feel like she was there to plant that see? Because, like within weeks she was gone, poof disappeared, and nobody in the practice knew where she went.

00:23:54.280 --> 00:24:24.269 Tommy D: Yeah, so again never heard from her again. People come into our lives, and i'm sure we enter other people's lives to drop a tidbit to drop some knowledge to plant that seed. I I i'm sure that there's people I want to connect. I know there's people I would love to see again, and I've no I. And again in a world where you can find most people. But you know what a name like Nancy Brown, maybe less likely to. I personally know three Nancy Browns. That's what i'm saying. You know it's it's It's less easy to find people both.

00:24:24.280 --> 00:24:32.110 Tommy D: But there's a reason. Obviously Nancy's house does not come out of the ether. If you don't meet Nancy and

00:24:32.450 --> 00:24:41.150 Elissa: and she's smart connection, and this thing happens right.

00:24:41.920 --> 00:24:46.120 Elissa: And what the turning point was is, he died on the Tuesday,

00:24:46.520 --> 00:24:55.119 Elissa: and I woke up Wednesday morning and realized I had just had my first solid night sleep in five years, and I hadn't realized how exhausted I was,

00:24:55.720 --> 00:25:03.120 Elissa: and I thought you know, if this is happening to me and i'm ahead of the curve on the self-care thing, what's happening to other caregivers?

00:25:03.540 --> 00:25:16.940 Elissa: And you know I'm. A psychologist. So I did. What psychologists do. I went and reviewed the literature right? You know that's what can I say? Um, But what I found out was, So we're now at that two thousand and five, two thousand and six point.

00:25:17.440 --> 00:25:24.589 Elissa: And what I found out was that we had known since the early nineties what happens to us as caregivers,

00:25:24.740 --> 00:25:43.600 Elissa: and it's not good. So what is it? What What like tell with break? So one of the one of the early studies. Um looked at women my age and i'm not going to tell you exactly what that is, but you've had some hints along the way, but looked at women, my age, who are taking care of their ill husbands.

00:25:43.610 --> 00:25:48.239 Elissa: And there is this concept of burden like, how much stress do you feel in doing this,

00:25:49.040 --> 00:26:02.399 Elissa: and what they found was that those women who felt burden and taking care of these ill husbands, who felt the stress of taking care of these old husbands had a sixty-three percent increased risk of premature death.

00:26:04.490 --> 00:26:09.999 Elissa: Sixty-three percent compared to their non caregiving same age.

00:26:10.150 --> 00:26:13.859 Elissa: Um, you know, friends, partners colleagues whatever

00:26:13.880 --> 00:26:16.630 Elissa: um cohort. So

00:26:17.250 --> 00:26:31.220 Elissa: there was a study that was recently done. The numbers haven't changed a whole lot. There was a suddenly study that was recently done by aging care, dot on aging carecom that says, thirty percent of caregivers die before the person that they're taking care of

00:26:31.870 --> 00:26:43.970 Tommy D: thirty percent die before the person they're taking care of

00:26:43.980 --> 00:26:56.400 Tommy D: a jump to the fact that much of that is because of the burden you're experiencing. And because of back to what is it? Stress, lack of sleep, probably lack of nutrition, mental health issues as a result, and et cetera, et cetera, right?

00:26:56.410 --> 00:27:16.659 Tommy D: So depending whose numbers you read and I realize It's a lot of statistics. I'm sorry. No, no, don't be sorry. I think I just I i'm with you one hundred. I just want to say like the people. I like to push this stuff in people's faces like this is this is this: is this: This is real. This is happening. So depending whose numbers you read between forty and seventy-five of all caregivers. All caregivers

00:27:16.700 --> 00:27:19.359 Elissa: have symptoms of Major depression.

00:27:19.650 --> 00:27:20.510 Yeah.

00:27:20.570 --> 00:27:21.590 Tommy D: Sure.

00:27:21.770 --> 00:27:34.159 Elissa: Um. I have a graphic in front of me. Anybody can google it and find it. It's a really lovely one from research that was done by Aar P. And the National Association of Caregiving.

00:27:34.300 --> 00:27:53.100 Elissa: Um. This is from two thousand and twenty, and that actually is the most current numbers that I can can find,

00:27:53.340 --> 00:27:58.440 Elissa: and the national alliance for caregiving and ac

00:27:58.670 --> 00:28:09.099 Elissa: right. But if you google it, if you just Google Caregiving in the Us. Two thousand and twenty, you should get this really lovely graphic,

00:28:09.870 --> 00:28:14.700 Elissa: This compares two thousand and fifteen to two thousand and twenty. Okay, Um! We've got

00:28:14.870 --> 00:28:33.680 Elissa: in twenty, twenty, twenty-four, and I think this is a low number of people are taking care of more than one person right? Just because you're a caregiver. It doesn't mean you have one person right? Um, we've had guests come who have three kids who have a genetic disorder, and they're taking care of all three kids. Oh, and their spouse has Ms

00:28:34.380 --> 00:28:36.189 Elissa: right? So

00:28:36.600 --> 00:28:40.010 Tommy D: it it's. You know it. It's how much,

00:28:41.640 --> 00:28:58.679 Tommy D: how much is the the body and the Psyche supposed to be able to manage? You know I i'm not looking for anybody. I'm not saying that. But like just put this in like kind of black and white terms. How much is this? How much capacity does one human being have? That's what we're talking about.

00:28:58.820 --> 00:29:12.089 Tommy D: I'm pulling up some numbers, too, because I just want to see it was some caregiving in the Us. Two thousand and twenty. So I found this. This is actually I actually I found it right here. It's so. You go to Caregiving org Everybody

00:29:12.100 --> 00:29:22.929 Tommy D: Um! That's. This is the same one. I'm going to share it while we're on Facebook. This Is it right here? So you? Why don't you speak to it? Just

00:29:23.640 --> 00:29:26.580 Elissa: there it is. That's the one. So

00:29:26.660 --> 00:29:32.800 Elissa: what's really interesting if you look at that little gray bar above the circle like one third of the way up

00:29:33.130 --> 00:29:39.840 Elissa: that says twenty-three percent of Americans say caregiving has made their health worse

00:29:40.120 --> 00:29:52.489 Elissa: right. I went to the doctor the other day for my annual exam, and um. She brought a bunch of students into the room with her, and I thought, Well, I'm going to take advantage of this opportunity to do some teaching,

00:29:52.880 --> 00:29:58.079 Elissa: and talked about caregiving and needing to pay attention to caregivers, and not just the person with the diagnosis.

00:29:58.280 --> 00:30:08.169 Elissa: And the doc started talking about this patient. She had just seen a woman who had been taking care of both of her parents, and she had developed some bleeding

00:30:08.940 --> 00:30:19.339 Elissa: and ignored it, and her husband kept saying: You need to go to the doctor, you need to go to the doctor. She's like, Yeah, yeah, She would take her parents to their doctor's appointments. She never went to her. So by the time she came to the dock

00:30:20.670 --> 00:30:24.370 Elissa: she had stage three and Demetrial cancer

00:30:27.110 --> 00:30:29.150 right, and this is what we do

00:30:29.570 --> 00:30:39.790 Tommy D: right. So we're going to talk about, you know, respite and and um groups that you that Nancy's house has. But let's make a really blunt

00:30:39.810 --> 00:30:41.330 Tommy D: recommendation

00:30:41.360 --> 00:30:49.269 Tommy D: if we could, and i'm gonna I'll either do it or not, let you do it. What should these people actually be doing for themselves when it comes to their own health?

00:30:49.600 --> 00:30:56.469 Elissa: Oh, growing in question, and that really is the crux of what Nancy's house is all about, because, going back to my research story,

00:30:57.000 --> 00:31:05.920 Elissa: every single article says caregivers have to take care of themselves in like. Well, that's brilliant, Sherlock, thank you.

00:31:05.930 --> 00:31:22.020 Elissa: And nobody was saying, and i'm going to help you to do that right. We can get told things over and over and over. I was talking to somebody the other day, and I said, you know you really should come to a retreat. You said, I know what they're going to tell me. They're going to tell me I should eat healthy, and I should exercise in it, and I said, you know that's probably not what's going to happen there,

00:31:22.240 --> 00:31:23.170 Elissa: but

00:31:23.850 --> 00:31:35.029 Elissa: we all know what it is we're supposed to be doing, but having that opportunity to actually do it to have somebody walking through it to experience what this feels like.

00:31:45.940 --> 00:31:50.320 Elissa: Um. Macy came into our retreat, and she said, You know

00:31:50.800 --> 00:31:52.910 Elissa: I used to be a beautiful woman,

00:31:52.940 --> 00:31:58.490 Elissa: and the woman that I was looking at had straggly hair was very gaunt. Her teeth were in bad shape.

00:31:59.040 --> 00:32:02.120 Elissa: She had recently been diagnosed with malnutrition,

00:32:02.920 --> 00:32:07.930 Elissa: and her body was showing it because her mother had dementia,

00:32:08.630 --> 00:32:11.429 Elissa: and would scream whenever she left the room.

00:32:12.940 --> 00:32:24.520 Elissa: And so she stopped, taking time to eat. She would like grab something as she went through the kitchen, or or you know, as she was feeding her mom. But she stopped eating meals, and the thing she took away from our retreat was,

00:32:25.040 --> 00:32:27.689 Elissa: She deserves to eat meals,

00:32:28.370 --> 00:32:38.640 Elissa: you know, and and it's that so? Eating good food, eating healthy food, cutting out the junk. The junk feels good in the moment, sets up another whole set of problems. We don't have time to talk about those

00:32:38.660 --> 00:32:39.750 Elissa: um

00:32:39.900 --> 00:32:56.680 Elissa: eating good food twenty minutes of aerobic activity every other day. It doesn't even have to be every day but getting that nice good walk, getting your your heart rate up, or if you can't leave the house because of the person you're taking care of the the needs they have, you can't leave the house that's in your living room

00:32:56.760 --> 00:33:09.459 Elissa: right? It doesn't matter how you do it, just to get your heart rate up for that twenty minutes every other day. It's going to release endorphins. You're going to feel better. Um more competent, more confident, happier,

00:33:09.950 --> 00:33:26.989 Elissa: a little tile tolerate stress. Better. It does all kinds of good things. It's only twenty minutes every other day. I teach a workshop called. I don't do have time. Um, because the thing I hear most often is i'm busy taking care of this person. I don't have time for me, and so we start with

00:33:27.170 --> 00:33:35.669 Elissa: it. The most simple, most basic stress reduction technique that you immediately can do, and that's a deep breath, and teaching people how to do it.

00:33:35.680 --> 00:33:52.849 Elissa: A correct deep breath, if somebody tells me. Oh, I've tried that it doesn't work, I can guarantee absolutely. They're not doing it right, because our bodies are wired to respond to. We have the we have the equipment. We have the equipment, and that's like, you know, not to knock people, and I I do meditate, and I meditate, probably uh

00:33:53.010 --> 00:34:22.180 Tommy D: you know, most mornings I do, and and often, if I have to in the middle, if I need to. Rather, if I feel the need to and get away, i'll do it in mid day talking ten, fifteen minutes gang. We're not talking about hours of meditation. You know what I like to be a monk up in a in a Himalay is sure, but I I do other stuff, so I I don't meditate for twelve hours a day. But you gotta go inside. You gotta just tune it out, you know. Maybe maybe I You know I I haven't done it since the pandemic started, but I love going to float Therapy Central,

00:34:22.190 --> 00:34:36.730 Tommy D: your deprivation tag. Shut it all out, Get it all out, Find these opportunities, and, like you don't need to the sensory depth. You don't need the tank. You don't need to float. We actually do have all the equipment right? So I don't want to make it complicated.

00:34:36.790 --> 00:34:57.630 Elissa: There is actually a meditation um that I want to tell folks about. That has been documented like the studies have been done that says, This actually helps to protect our bodies from the stress of caregiving. Specifically. All right, good. Let's hold them. That's a cliffhanger. We're going to hold them with that. When we come back we're going to dive right into that philanthropy and focus

00:34:57.700 --> 00:35:01.229 Tommy D: alyssa loan from Nancy's house, Tommy D. From the attic. We'll be right back.

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00:36:04.480 --> 00:36:28.540 Everybody. It's Tommy Deed and nonprofit sector. Connecticut coming at you from my attic each week. Here on top radio, dot Nyc:

00:36:29.650 --> 00:36:39.110 You're listening to talk radio and Yc: at Ww: talk, radio, dot and live C. Now broadcasting twenty, four hours a day.

00:36:58.960 --> 00:37:07.310 Tommy D: We're about to talk about meditation that you don't need an addict to meditate, although an addict is a great place to meditate. But I like to meditate in the attic meeting.

00:37:07.580 --> 00:37:08.979 You know my head.

00:37:09.000 --> 00:37:27.700 Tommy D: Okay, it's about that. So I wanted to read this about Nancy's house. I want to talk about this special meditation specifically for caregivers, which I didn't even know we were going to talk meditation today, So that's even more exciting for me. But Nancy's house breaks the isolation and exhaustion that can come from taking care of someone who is chronically ill or disabled.

00:37:27.710 --> 00:37:48.669 Tommy D: We offer one to three day retreats for caregivers online in person, workshops, monthly book clubs, monthly support groups and an annual conference, and we're gonna talk about some events later in the show that are coming up. In fact, next week we'll talk about. So let's talk meditation. I want to talk about the name Nancy's house right, and then we'll just get to keep moving.

00:37:49.370 --> 00:37:58.210 Elissa: So the meditation there is a psychiatrist named Alyssa Appell, who is at University of California, San Francisco Medical School

00:37:58.610 --> 00:38:15.989 Elissa: way back in two thousand and four. She did a study, and actually it was one of the studies that pushed my development of of Nancy's house. She took Moms healthy moms in their thirties, with healthy kids and healthy moms in their thirties with sick kids, you know, chronically. Ill cancer

00:38:16.000 --> 00:38:30.410 Elissa: um, and she didn't do any emotional surveys she didn't ask about stress didn't ask about burden. None of that. What she did was she looked at the telomeres from the cells of the mop. The healthy moms with healthy kids and healthy moms with sick kids. Now tell them yours

00:38:30.450 --> 00:38:45.210 Elissa: are like the caps at the end of a shoelace. You know those plastic ends that keep it from unraveling. Telomeres are those kinds of ends at the ends of your chromosome bundles. Right? So all the chromosome bundles have these little caps, these telomeres,

00:38:45.430 --> 00:38:52.949 Elissa: and every time a cell reproduces that Telomere gets a little shorter little shorter little shorter, so it becomes a biomarker for age, right?

00:38:54.090 --> 00:39:07.539 Elissa: And what she did was she looked at them healthy moms, healthy kids and healthy moms, sick kids and compared their telomeres. And what she found was that at this biologic level at this cellular level,

00:39:07.640 --> 00:39:25.180 Tommy D: the moms with the sick kids were, on average, ten years older than their same age,

00:39:25.190 --> 00:39:34.870 Tommy D: way down to the most basic at the cellular level. These other women who had, or caregivers on average, ten years older.

00:39:34.880 --> 00:39:51.800 Elissa: Right? Exactly. What does that do for your system? That's starting to break down because it's ten years older, right? Right, because when telomeres get shorter is when things break down. That's why things break down in old age when their telomeres are now shorter in sales, die, or they don't reproduce properly again, another whole piece. But

00:39:51.840 --> 00:40:02.290 Elissa: um! Hers was the first study that connected the impact of stress of caregiving with what's happening to us physically that it's not just an emotional thing, but it's physical.

00:40:02.890 --> 00:40:07.629 Elissa: So then it was like, Well, okay, if this, if if stress is doing this

00:40:07.820 --> 00:40:19.010 Elissa: to the telomeres, and that affects us physically. Is there a way to to mitigate that? And what she did? She did another study, and what she found is there is this twelve minute meditation.

00:40:19.210 --> 00:40:37.160 Tommy D: If you do it every day, not only protects the telomeres from shrinking, but actually helps them to elongate again.

00:40:38.380 --> 00:40:46.559 Elissa: We'll we'll start with that.

00:40:46.640 --> 00:41:06.520 Tommy D: I did twelve minute meditation. Let's see if that comes what comes up there.

00:41:06.530 --> 00:41:08.370 Elissa: Appeal

00:41:08.410 --> 00:41:18.869 Tommy D: the Pdl folks. We do things in real time here on this program. We're solving a problem not like, you know. No, no popping circumstances. You know what I mean. We're just doing

00:41:18.940 --> 00:41:25.250 Elissa: um. So you might want to put telomeres after that name when you Google it and

00:41:25.360 --> 00:41:37.689 Tommy D: no, she's psychiatrist

00:41:37.700 --> 00:41:56.190 Tommy D: and the Seven Day Stress. It looks like there are a couple of her books. We'll share this stuff. I'm sure. Mccollum's is sharing it already. It's alyssa, E. L. I. S. S. A. P. L. I I said it um so i'll share some of I'll just share Scott like her profile from um

00:41:56.200 --> 00:41:58.949 Tommy D: from the college and stuff like that. I'll put this stuff out there.

00:41:59.020 --> 00:42:07.339 Tommy D: Alyssa, the pal. We'd love to talk to you at some point, too, because this is great information. So all right, so please continue with this, so we can get um.

00:42:07.780 --> 00:42:15.780 Elissa: So in. So that that study was published two thousand and four in two thousand and fourteen, she published another study that

00:42:16.030 --> 00:42:17.700 Elissa: that looked at

00:42:17.750 --> 00:42:30.660 Elissa: having having caregivers having people in stress do this meditation every day, and it's just twelve minutes. It's just twelve minutes. When you're talking about. I don't have time. It's just twelve minutes. It's a cute in Korea.

00:42:30.670 --> 00:42:39.859 Elissa: So what a lot of caregivers find is when they start to get down, you know, into that quiet space for for a mindfulness. Meditation. Um

00:42:40.930 --> 00:42:47.430 Elissa: it, monkey, mate, monkey brain right? It's like Oh, I have to do this, and I have to remember, and and they say I can't do it, and they walk away.

00:42:48.220 --> 00:43:05.459 Elissa: This is a chant with a melody, and there's a finger tap that goes with it. So there's a lot of stuff going on, so it's

00:43:05.470 --> 00:43:17.279 Elissa: out loud in a whisper, silently, and then silently in a whisper and out loud again. So two minutes at each. It brings you to twelve minutes. And what she found is this actually is a protective

00:43:17.380 --> 00:43:18.350 Elissa: um

00:43:18.390 --> 00:43:21.160 Elissa: stress protection,

00:43:21.250 --> 00:43:28.180 Elissa: you know it's protect from the the the negative impact of stress at our at our cellular level. And when

00:43:28.530 --> 00:43:37.949 Elissa: I have taught this to to our guests and they come back, and they tell me this is amazing. This is amazing. I feel so much calmer, I feel so much better

00:43:39.470 --> 00:43:53.759 Tommy D: the power of meditation. Look, you know I I found so if you go to twelve m in like minute. Dot com. It actually comes up with Alyssa Pell's information here, too, so we'll have to, you know. We should probably connect with her. Have you met her yet?

00:43:53.770 --> 00:44:03.269 Elissa: I have not. We've corresponded. We corresponded way back at the beginning of my creating Nancy, so

00:44:03.370 --> 00:44:04.520 is

00:44:05.230 --> 00:44:20.790 Tommy D: we can connect with anybody. I don't believe in the old days, you know, like I believe, if we can bring value to each other, we're supposed to be connected, and I think this is one of those situations I'll tell you I study transcendental meditation and um I i'm always searching for these types of things, and

00:44:21.050 --> 00:44:22.620 you know, I think

00:44:23.020 --> 00:44:38.069 Tommy D: whatever works for somebody, go do that thing. You know what it's not a look, I think, if if they hit when you said about breathing deep breathing. People say that doesn't work, people say, Oh, I can't meditate. But listen, i'm, Tommy, D. I'm a wild man.

00:44:38.080 --> 00:45:02.899 Tommy D: I can figure out how to do this, You know. I think I don't care how now I got the adhd. I got the whole thing, man. I got it. I got it all. But you can. You can sit with yourself, and you can go internally. It's so critically important, and guess what gang it ain't just like, for you know, for us Hippies. It's actually because it's going to make you more healthy, and that's what we're talking about before we go to a quick break.

00:45:02.910 --> 00:45:05.770 Tommy D: The name of the organization

00:45:06.000 --> 00:45:07.859 Tommy D: where tell us that.

00:45:08.330 --> 00:45:11.039 Elissa: So I told you the story about Nancy Brown

00:45:11.470 --> 00:45:19.020 Elissa: and my father-in-law lived another four and a half years after she left the practice. But when he died,

00:45:19.870 --> 00:45:30.360 Elissa: you know, as I said, I was ahead of the curve. I did this research and that conversation came back, and those two things came together, and when I thought about creating the time and space for caregivers,

00:45:30.940 --> 00:45:50.580 Tommy D: I had to thank her for planting that seed, and so the name is a Thank you to Nancy Brown

00:45:50.630 --> 00:45:57.760 Tommy D: and say, thank you. When you go to sleep, say thank you. That will change things for you just that do it, for

00:45:58.000 --> 00:46:07.110 Tommy D: I don't know every day and call about twelve minutes a day to do this meditation. We'll. We'll continue to bring things. You know what Aly, what's great is like

00:46:07.180 --> 00:46:10.819 Tommy D: as somebody who's found out in the last handful of years. I'm pretty creative.

00:46:10.830 --> 00:46:40.710 Tommy D: I just want to do more shows about these types of topics, Philanthropy and focus is this: It's about the nonprofit. But look, we're not necessarily just talking about what a five hundred and one C three is all about. We're amazing. Here we're talking about impacting and changing the world and changing other people. So i'm thankful and grateful that you're on the show to me this morning, so I appreciate you for giving me the space to do this. I really it is my mission to do that to give the space for these types of topics. So when we come back, I really want to focus in on the upcoming event

00:46:40.740 --> 00:46:56.609 Tommy D: how we can support the organization. And if there's connections, whether they be local to where you are, or national or international, for that matter, who who they are and what we're going to talk about, so we'll be right back. This is philanthropy and focus no big deal gang. Just change in the world,

00:46:59.100 --> 00:47:23.189 everybody. It's Tommy Deed and nonprofit sector can actually coming at you from my adding each week here on top radio in my Z I host program the land of being focused non-profits impact us each and every day in the minutes my focus to help them amplify their message and tell their story. Listen. Each week at ten Am. Eastern stand in time until eleven Am. Is you stand in time right here on talk radio, Dot. Nyc.

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00:47:58.140 --> 00:48:00.220 calling all pet lovers,

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00:48:51.420 --> 00:48:52.580 in

00:48:54.030 --> 00:49:10.579 Tommy D: philanthropy in focus by now, if You're paying attention, you know, expelled with the ph. Philanthropy is as well as focus is spell with a Ph: So uh alyssa while I have this shared on Facebook. Maybe we could just jump right into the conference. The website is Nancy's

00:49:10.710 --> 00:49:20.669 Tommy D: Dash House dot Org, and you'll see the upcoming annual national caregiving Conference

00:49:20.680 --> 00:49:44.779 Elissa: which is coming up next week. So do we. Can we speak to that for a little bit?

00:49:44.790 --> 00:49:45.800 Elissa: Um,

00:49:46.340 --> 00:49:48.059 Elissa: it is

00:49:48.610 --> 00:50:02.789 Elissa: well you can see we have uk Washington. He his pictures up on the on the screen here. If you're in the for greater Philadelphia region, you know Yuki, he is well beloved. He is a news anchor for um. Eyewitness. Three

00:50:02.800 --> 00:50:17.550 Elissa: channel three eyewitness news. Excuse me, um, and he is just wonderful, and he's a caregiver, Caregiving hits everybody,

00:50:17.600 --> 00:50:46.639 Elissa: and um then we have six really fabulous workshops. People will be able to attend to. Registration is only ten bucks. Right? So for ten dollars you get to pick two of these amazing, wonderful workshops We've got Kathy Sikorsky, who is an elder law attorney. She's also a Nancy's House Board member. She is also a humorous. She speaks nationally on on caregiving, and she has written several books. Um funny. We were talking at the beginning about humor right funny, funny,

00:50:46.720 --> 00:51:05.699 Elissa: but so important, so informative, and her her um focus this year is legal pickles. What every caregiver needs to know, because there are so many times we can unwittingly get caught in political, in in financial and and legal pitfalls.

00:51:05.710 --> 00:51:11.669 Elissa: We have Maurice Bernard, who is also a board member. Um, Maurice

00:51:12.480 --> 00:51:25.320 Elissa: Maurice does uh. It is not his day job, but it is his training. He does a lot of work and and study in sleep. And what happens? Why, we need sleep. What happens when we sleep, what happens when we don't sleep?

00:51:25.330 --> 00:51:55.300 Elissa: Um! And so his program this year he again very interesting, very informative. His rooms are always packed and his workshop this year is unlocking the secret of naps. I love that name. What a cute name! How fun is that? Oh, yeah, Oh, yeah, um. And the third one. I'm not going in order here. But if you look on the screen directly under Maurice, we've got Kay Kaufman and I put her in with the other two, because in my mind we break it out as three informational workshops and three experience

00:51:55.310 --> 00:52:14.100 Elissa: and case is also one of the ones that I would call informational her, says Boundaries and caregiving. K. Has a podcast that's caregiver to caregiver. She her website is um facilitator on fire. She does every couple of months. She does work one of our our monthly workshops, and

00:52:14.140 --> 00:52:32.340 Elissa: she is just really wonderful in talking about we as caregivers need to be us first, and it's okay to say no, and you don't have to give yourself up, piece by piece to other people. Um, that you are entitled to be in, and of yourself a whole and healthy person, and she is wonderful.

00:52:32.500 --> 00:52:48.330 Elissa: Um! And then, in the experiential workshops we have that healing movements of Chi Gong, by Michael Mccormick. Michael did this for, uh, did healing sounds last year, and this year he's doing, healing movements. And this you're It's wonderful. And it just

00:52:48.430 --> 00:53:08.189 Elissa: talk about. You know the the immediate impact of meditation it feels so good, and Chi Gong is very easy to follow along. It's very simple. You can do this. Um! The two new ones this year are writing and journaling and caregiving with humor. This is the one I mentioned earlier about being able to find

00:53:08.200 --> 00:53:28.509 Elissa: it can be dark humor. It can be gallows humor. It can be just playing up straight up. Funny humor! Um, I I can tell you some slapstick stories about when when my father in law was with us, but being able to spot those and hold on to that humor so that we don't get weighed down by the other stuff. So that's I'm really excited about that one, and

00:53:28.670 --> 00:53:38.610 Elissa: the processing through poetry being able to take these complex feelings and coalesce it, crystallize it into this beautiful

00:53:39.270 --> 00:53:49.939 Elissa: um form of poetry. I mean just to be able to express yourself in this way. Poetry is like magic in being able to take this huge, amorphous thing and just bring it down to this

00:53:50.580 --> 00:54:11.210 Tommy D: few words of beauty. You know

00:54:11.220 --> 00:54:26.670 Tommy D: him and his brother had put together A. It was sort of like the unconference a bunch of years ago it was called congruence, and it was there for con Co. N was concert. Gr was uh gratitude, um

00:54:26.810 --> 00:54:27.970 Tommy D: energy

00:54:28.250 --> 00:54:37.869 Tommy D: and self, I believe, was the essay at the end congruence, and it was really special, and, like most of the academic sort of put down on old. But you know one of the things we wrote

00:54:37.980 --> 00:55:07.949 Tommy D: like thankful like. Thank you. Cards to people in this session, and mail those cards, and the things that happen out of that are incredibly special. We're going to run out of time, and I don't want that to happen before you get anything else out there with what you need, as far as relationships and connections. So what else can we? Aside from getting the word out? I think you and I should shoot a video about the conference if you're up for it. Just do a video like another day next time. Push, you know, through the attendance and whatnot. That that's a really big piece is we really want more and more and more people to

00:55:07.960 --> 00:55:08.759 sign up

00:55:08.890 --> 00:55:26.720 Elissa: at Nancy's house. Dot org It's going to pop up when you go there. Um! It's only ten dollars. It's Saturday, November fifth, from nine to twelve, thirty Eastern time,

00:55:26.760 --> 00:55:34.430 Tommy D: and we do have scholarships available. If that's if that's a of hardship absolutely.

00:55:34.550 --> 00:55:49.459 Elissa: Um connections. We we really need donors because caregivers are financially stressed in addition to emotionally and physically. I mean, we come back to that graphic right? And it says that Um,

00:55:49.970 --> 00:56:02.019 Elissa: um! Where is it? Uh, twenty? Something percent are are using their own money have had it. Oh, forty, five have had at least one financial impact. Um, you know that

00:56:02.430 --> 00:56:07.139 Elissa: if if we really need donors and we need sponsors for for the

00:56:07.510 --> 00:56:25.230 Elissa: conference. We have a lot of sponsorship available, but just ongoing donors would be fabulous. And of course we're looking for board members. If this is a mission that speaks to you. We are looking for board members who are. It's a working board, but we're looking for board members who are willing to put in the time and effort to make this mission fly

00:56:25.240 --> 00:56:40.440 Tommy D: that I think you need to talk to my friend Nicole christensen she's written a book on caregiving. She, uh is is like a patient advocate. Very well, not caregiving space. Um gotta get you hooked up with Dave Lynn, And also um you've met my friend Vicki Elmer,

00:56:40.450 --> 00:56:49.260 Tommy D: and I would hope that you and Vicki are going to try to do some stuff together, too. Um! This has been another episode of philanthropy and focus.

00:56:49.270 --> 00:57:04.760 Tommy D: Alyssa. I appreciate you being here. Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for the work you're doing for our character. I've learned so much today, and i'm going to be honest. I'm taking this knowledge to people in my family who are caregivers and need to be a bit selfish

00:57:04.770 --> 00:57:17.630 Tommy D: as we've talked about self. Thank you so much. This is what I'm supposed to be doing. This is just the deal I get. This Is it like, I say, my friend Dara sent me this call because this is something I've been known to say, you know

00:57:17.750 --> 00:57:34.039 Tommy D: no big deal. Just a little plan to be focused, Guy. No big deal Just change in the world. All right. We're going to leave it there. I will just announce, really quick next week on the show, Alice, in one of the lead of my other buddy from the nonprofit resource. Hub will be here nonprofit or something we created.

00:57:34.050 --> 00:58:01.879 Tommy D: I created it with some partners, my my business partner, and uh, some of our other partners subject matter experts to all leaders in the nonprofit sector. Allison is our executive director will be here to talk about the upcoming Conference, November fifteenth, and New York City, and what the nonprofit hub really does. It's a trade organization where we bring together the best of breed for not for the nonprofit sector, Alyssa. Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate you. You're welcome. Everybody make it a great weekend. I'll see you later on. Five

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