The awareness that bullying is real and how we can be a part of the solution to stop it.
About Joe Salamone:
A Long Island native from North Babylon, is the founder and Executive Director of The Long Island Coalition Against Bullying, a position he has held since 2013. A victim of bullying himself, Mr. Salamone’s vision is simple: to reach as many children and families experiencing bullying as possible. His driving force is to create an environment that keeps the emphasis on the importance of the issue all while demonstrating financial diligence and respect for the public's generous contributions.
Its mission is to emphasize the importance of bully-free communities on Long Island through education, increased awareness, and therapeutic outlets.
Organization: The Long Island Coalition Against Bullying
Tommy introduces the topic for today’s episode. He welcomes his guest Joe Salamone, founder and Executive Director of The Long Island Coalition Against Bullying. Joe talks about his childhood and his experience with bullying in middle school. Tommy and Joe comment that outreach against bullying was not nearly as proactive as it is today. Joe says he’s suppressed most of his traumatic memories, which segues the conversation to mental health awareness. Tommy talks about the bad habits that develop when we start to feel bad about ourselves. Some of us tend to self-medicate. Joe is an advocate for therapy and has been attending since his late teens. Tommy and Joe talk about imposter syndrome and how it possibly developed from the lack of praise as a child. Before the break, Tommy and Joe discuss the importance of connectivity as a child when attending school.
Coming back from the break, Joe continues to discuss his time in middle school and the bullying he endured. Joe says the problem with today’s society is that we tend to think there is a difference between unkind behavior, mean behavior, and bullying. Tommy and Joe discuss their relationships with their friends and how the banter can lead to teasing, but it’s all about knowing your audience. Tommy and Joe discuss the behavior and middle school and why it tends to be the harshest. Joe says schools can only do so much when it comes to bullying. It really starts with the foundation at home and learning right from wrong. Joe talks about the school and parental relationship and how they must work together simultaneously.
Tommy mentions Juneteenth and how it falls on Father’s Day. He talks about its origins and how the day is meant to celebrate black culture and freedom. Joe talks about the invincible backpack and the pressure that a child carries. The Long Island Coalition Against Bullying is there to dissect the layers and unpack the trauma. They send smile packages to children they discover are being bullied. These care packages can be requested online at licab.org. Each package is designed specifically for the child it’s ordered for. You discover the child’s favorite things, from hobbies to television shows, and create a care package for them. These packages help establish trust and open the door for communication with a child who is being bullied.
Tommy tells the origins of The Long Island Coalition Against Bully and how it stems from an incident Joe disapproved of. Joe’s organization is having an event on August 4th at the Pavilion at the boardwalk. It will be a place to eat, drink, network, and do fun activities like giant Jenga. LICAB is launching a youth board where they are looking for children in eighth grade or higher. You can find more information on The Long Island Coalition Against Bullying at LICAB.org. You can also find them on Facebook and Linkedin.
00:00:50.100 --> 00:00:50.640 www.TalkRadio.nyc: Good morning.
00:00:52.740 --> 00:00:59.850 Tommy D: good night like that Truman show movie good afternoon good morning good night look I don't know when you're going to find this but i'll tell you what time it is right now.
00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:11.640 Tommy D: it's time for me to take the sunglasses off, but this is this show is called philanthropy and focus and i'm called Tommy your boy the nonprofit sector connected my buddy Steve fry brings a show on right after us that's called.
00:01:13.080 --> 00:01:20.010 Tommy D: it's called always Friday, with the SMB guy Steve fry and he wears sunglasses the whole time but I can't see anything i've got I sound like.
00:01:20.400 --> 00:01:29.640 Tommy D: You know from the jerky boys back in the day when we were kids I can't see so good, but I can't see anything I can't see the words i'm trying to read, but I thought it looked very good to the outfit little hawaiian shirt.
00:01:30.150 --> 00:01:37.980 Tommy D: I have the necklace on look it's summer there's a lot of stuff going on, I usually have a shirt and tie was telling my guest Joe ceremony that.
00:01:38.430 --> 00:01:44.790 Tommy D: I Joe usually put a shirt and tie on but it's so nice out I didn't have I didn't have the head for it wasn't a headspace i'm in right now talk about.
00:01:45.390 --> 00:01:53.340 Tommy D: The headspace i'm in I will tell you I was texting with a buddy of mine who i'm sure be checking into the show shortly, but I was texting with my buddy Mike Collins, because I was telling him.
00:01:53.700 --> 00:01:59.820 Tommy D: That I went to a concert in New York City, the other, the other night actually Wednesday night to see a group i'm really, really into.
00:02:00.300 --> 00:02:07.620 Tommy D: The cold revolution and I bring it up because it's it's relevant files probably relevant is wider the wine on because all my head's at but.
00:02:07.950 --> 00:02:17.130 Tommy D: it's also relevant because of the topic we're going to talk about today with my guest Joe salmoni from long island coalition against bullying and I say it's relevant because this is a group.
00:02:17.760 --> 00:02:27.840 Tommy D: The music is all about good vibes the music is all about compassion and love and looking out for each other, so I thought I would just pull one verse real quick I don't usually do it this way.
00:02:28.140 --> 00:02:35.520 Tommy D: But out of the one of their songs called feeling all right and it says well it's about this time for us to look around and meet somebody new.
00:02:35.850 --> 00:02:49.320 Tommy D: let's all welcome in familiar faces perhaps somebody who has a conflict in their life all right tell them you're sorry for this ways to change the wrong right now look today's show.
00:02:50.580 --> 00:02:54.810 Tommy D: I think it's going to be I think it's going to open me up i'm going to be emotional i'm sure.
00:02:55.920 --> 00:03:04.890 Tommy D: Because this is something that I sort of grew up being on both sides of this problem or dilemma, I remember, at times, I was a jerk to other kids.
00:03:05.370 --> 00:03:14.250 Tommy D: And I certainly was on the receiving end at times in my life i'm having four kids you know, this is a topic, I think we need to really address, I would say.
00:03:14.760 --> 00:03:27.510 Tommy D: What excites me about the situation is, when I was a kid growing up in the 80s and 90s there wasn't campaigns about anti bullying there wasn't conversations about this and I think what excites me and makes me.
00:03:28.770 --> 00:03:36.030 Tommy D: happy about what's going to happen in the future is, and I remember this when I talked about the intellectually and developmentally disabled individuals.
00:03:36.390 --> 00:03:42.990 Tommy D: With intellectual developmental disabilities is a better way to say Tommy but I know when I talked about that you know, having grown up with my cousin Linda.
00:03:43.980 --> 00:03:57.900 Tommy D: who had special needs and there used to be another word we used to use back in the day, which we no longer use but um I think it made us more compassionate having Linda in our family and and be more aware, but we were still jerks at times to people, and I remember that.
00:03:58.980 --> 00:04:07.980 Tommy D: And, and I grew up in it hung out with a bunch of guys, who are still my friends to this day, and we give each other, the business man, we give each other, a hard time so as I was thinking about this morning.
00:04:08.430 --> 00:04:12.720 Tommy D: I was wondering if I want to ask Joe when he when we get into this conversation is like.
00:04:13.440 --> 00:04:23.070 Tommy D: there's a fine line man, I remember telling this is crazy what i'm going to say here on the show, but I remember telling my wife about some of my friends, I go yeah you'll probably cry from hanging out with my friends at some point.
00:04:24.090 --> 00:04:29.760 Tommy D: And it's like where does the Joe just come off mute cuz I want to get you in this conversation right away, where does the part of.
00:04:30.180 --> 00:04:41.220 Tommy D: Of it's just good old shop breaking or other words we might use in our vernacular but it to a point when when it's bullying and we'll get into that but, first of all, I just want to say good morning.
00:04:41.880 --> 00:04:49.800 Tommy D: i'm two flights up from the kitchen I didn't tell anybody that's where I am today is they might have forgot but i'm in the attic baby and now you're in the attic Joe ceremony what's up baby, how are you.
00:04:50.250 --> 00:04:51.870 Joe Salamone: morning, thank you for having me.
00:04:52.020 --> 00:04:59.100 Tommy D: i'm glad you're here man i'm glad I hope you don't mind I didn't get super dressed up I just felt very island like you know long island, but other islands to.
00:04:59.430 --> 00:05:03.930 Joe Salamone: i'm all about it now I kind of feel a little overdressed but uh you know I i'm all about it.
00:05:04.440 --> 00:05:04.740 Tommy D: I don't.
00:05:05.160 --> 00:05:10.380 Tommy D: I don't, so why don't we do this man, I mean, I have a lot of other things I want to point out today, but I feel it's important right.
00:05:10.530 --> 00:05:17.790 Tommy D: i've set this up now i've said it's about compassion it's about love it's about looking out for each other back shout out again to revolution I tell them a pure 17.
00:05:18.120 --> 00:05:26.580 Tommy D: In New York City, which is incredible venue to see a show, and especially this particular show, but one of their songs is more love like this is what we need, we need more love and that's sort of what.
00:05:26.880 --> 00:05:31.920 Tommy D: philanthropy and focus the program is about it's about amplifying the message for nonprofits and help them tell their story.
00:05:32.190 --> 00:05:42.240 Tommy D: let's start with your story Joe your story about the organization your story about how the organization started talk about childhood in the green room we just check it out all the legos so we got to have a Lego conversation at some point.
00:05:42.570 --> 00:05:53.550 Tommy D: If you're watching on Facebook that next to Joe to his left is the Coliseum not now so on don't know what the other one the Roman one, and so you want to talk legos we got talk Lego stupid Joe take it away let's jump in.
00:05:54.030 --> 00:06:05.610 Joe Salamone: A, so I will definitely get to the legos for sure that's how I kind of decompress but as far as you know, kind of the story of how it all got started I I went to.
00:06:06.420 --> 00:06:17.370 Joe Salamone: I was in elementary school in North Babylon and then finished know elementary school at Marion G better elementary and then move to deer park I wasn't.
00:06:17.880 --> 00:06:28.890 Joe Salamone: You know, things weren't that great in fifth grade, but they weren't terrible um it really kind of started heating up when you went you know got to middle school, which is still the primary place where it happens now the most.
00:06:29.070 --> 00:06:31.710 Tommy D: heating up you're just talking just bullying being picked on.
00:06:31.800 --> 00:06:44.460 Joe Salamone: That sort of thing yeah and and you, you raise an interesting point and it's important to clarify, I know you said it, you know growing up in the 80s and 90s, you know, having been I only graduated high school in 2005 so I went in high school in 2001.
00:06:45.240 --> 00:06:59.910 Joe Salamone: You know, so the prior years you know there were we were it wasn't a focus it wasn't they were still not very many campaigns, as you said about it, it was getting picked on it was kids not being nice but it wasn't this concerted effort that it is today.
00:07:00.150 --> 00:07:02.430 Tommy D: And that we address that there was no concern.
00:07:04.440 --> 00:07:11.250 Joe Salamone: That they had to fix it they knew they had to get involved in it, but it wasn't they were very clear restrictions on where a school could get involved things like that.
00:07:11.370 --> 00:07:24.510 Joe Salamone: It wasn't this kind of wild Wild West, to an extent that it's kind of become now where it's such a pervasive issue that it does need its own you know separate campaigns its own buzz words things like that, so when you know when I would come home and.
00:07:24.840 --> 00:07:31.410 Joe Salamone: You know, tell my mother initially I didn't even tell my mother, when I moved it was in the summer, so I started the sixth grade.
00:07:31.650 --> 00:07:42.510 Joe Salamone: Which is you know, one of the trickiest times for most kids To begin with I started middle school without a single friend I didn't have any friends, when I walked into the building, I had one quick tour of the building during the summer.
00:07:43.020 --> 00:07:49.530 Joe Salamone: Just to kind of get a quick lay of the land, but ordinarily you know when I the first day school happened there was nobody that I.
00:07:50.730 --> 00:07:57.780 Joe Salamone: That I you know I really knew i'm so it, I was the quiet kid I was the new kid I was you know the weird kid.
00:07:58.080 --> 00:08:11.370 Joe Salamone: And you know it all started to add up, and you know the interesting thing is, is that, for as much of what I went through back then that I can actually tell you, and remember there's so much more of it that I have after all this time kind of blocked out.
00:08:11.700 --> 00:08:21.900 Tommy D: or shut down right like smoking, you know and we talked a lot about mental health, I talked about it, like constantly but we talked a lot about it on this program and I will just say I 44 years old me.
00:08:23.070 --> 00:08:31.650 Tommy D: i'm trying to unpack a lot of that stuff now and and I, and I would say, many of us have these issues and things to try to work through.
00:08:32.220 --> 00:08:39.090 Tommy D: But I will tell you, and another point that I talk on the show about, and I say I bring these stories up because I think it's relevant to other people I quit drinking about 12 years ago.
00:08:39.570 --> 00:08:45.570 Tommy D: And I was saying to somebody just recently that I bet a lot of the crap that I was trying to do not deal with was.
00:08:46.350 --> 00:08:53.160 Tommy D: Not, I guess, of course, it was of course that's why you know you we take these substances, because you feel better man you feel better when you do that.
00:08:53.490 --> 00:09:00.990 Tommy D: I am not everybody listening telling you to go do these things, that is not going to help right but i'm just saying that sometimes the reaction to.
00:09:01.320 --> 00:09:10.050 Tommy D: feeling bad about ourselves being said being depressed we sometimes, as they say self medicate and i'm not a proponent of that I want to make sure you understand that folks.
00:09:10.410 --> 00:09:16.230 Tommy D: we're going to talk to you over the next 55 minutes about other ways to find solutions to these problems, so it's our job to take it back.
00:09:17.190 --> 00:09:22.560 Joe Salamone: No, I think you're I think you're right on I you know it, while we don't condone you know.
00:09:23.190 --> 00:09:31.800 Joe Salamone: Self medicating we unfortunately know that it happens, why because, for the moment you think it's helping it's a distraction, more than anything else, and it gets you to.
00:09:31.980 --> 00:09:39.660 Joe Salamone: To leave everything behind, so I agree with what you just said about the unpacking piece, you know i'm a very vocal proponent of.
00:09:40.140 --> 00:09:53.400 Joe Salamone: Mental health therapy I don't hide the fact that I see a therapist I see it, I started seeing a therapist because of all the issues I had as a kid and they weren't all 100% motivated by bullying, you know my you know my home life wasn't that fantastic.
00:09:54.060 --> 00:10:03.300 Joe Salamone: For a multitude of reasons, so but I pushed it off, I delayed it my parents tried therapy it didn't really work for me um you know, we could have tried harder.
00:10:04.080 --> 00:10:20.220 Joe Salamone: But you know now i've been i've been in therapy for one probably close to 11 years i'm 35 years old, so since I was a late teen maybe early 20s you know I started down the road and so much of what we still talk about can be traced back to.
00:10:20.580 --> 00:10:31.980 Joe Salamone: You know how I deal with things today can be traced back back then, you know P, you know as entrepreneurs, whether you're a nonprofit entrepreneur or for profit i'm more the same thing we all suffer from what's called.
00:10:32.250 --> 00:10:42.120 Joe Salamone: imposter syndrome and so much of imposter syndrome can actually be traced back to the fact that you got through your entire life, where not a lot of people were really telling you that you are all that good.
00:10:42.540 --> 00:10:54.420 Joe Salamone: So of why would you think all of a sudden, that you are that grid just suddenly overnight so there's so much that's always interweaves about this, which is why we try to focus kids and families on the idea like listen.
00:10:54.840 --> 00:11:01.080 Joe Salamone: it's okay to ask for help you'd rather get the help now when you're going through it, so that you can have the opportunity.
00:11:01.260 --> 00:11:12.810 Joe Salamone: To cope with it now and fix it for the future rather than being in your late 30s your 40s or 50s and still dealing with your teen issues because of how far they've kind of tagged along for the rest of your life.
00:11:13.170 --> 00:11:20.940 Tommy D: yeah yeah you know, thank you for all that, but you know it's funny how the Internet can allow you to self diagnose and a lot of ways, so.
00:11:21.390 --> 00:11:25.980 Tommy D: So I think this week I have arrested development, and I know that was just a group that you know that.
00:11:26.760 --> 00:11:36.690 Tommy D: song Tennessee back in the day, or a show with Jason bateman but no actually I was like Oh, because I said something new, they recently and why we're really open it up to the world today Tommy hmm.
00:11:37.110 --> 00:11:44.490 Tommy D: But I said, you know I there's unfinished business, I think, is the way I said it like there's things that I never really evolved through.
00:11:45.060 --> 00:11:55.800 Tommy D: And I started, and this is like a thing like it's actually a thing like where you're, and this is me i'm not gotta gotta let you know these things i'm not a psychiatrist i'm not a psychologist I mean.
00:11:56.430 --> 00:11:58.050 Tommy D: You know I know a lot of stuff but not that stuff.
00:11:58.470 --> 00:12:07.080 Tommy D: But it's like it's stunted growth is what i'm going to call it, like you, just as through development certain things in Finnish thing didn't happen, for one reason or another.
00:12:07.440 --> 00:12:13.650 Tommy D: And I look back and I see Joe my own reactions to things like how it can be a hothead sometimes and it feels like we're doing therapy now Joe.
00:12:14.010 --> 00:12:22.170 Tommy D: But I feel like my own reactions to things and like holy cow Tommy that's interesting that's an interesting way to react to that when you could have just chilled out a little bit you know and.
00:12:22.410 --> 00:12:28.500 Tommy D: But I think work in progress is is a fair way to say, most of us are, and I want to.
00:12:29.490 --> 00:12:34.800 Tommy D: This bullying thing you know we've shared some stories with me and I don't know how much you want to go into but it got pretty.
00:12:35.580 --> 00:12:41.970 Tommy D: Pretty crappy in your lifetime in when you were growing up, I mean we can go back to that you know, being in the new school the sixth grade thing and stuff.
00:12:42.780 --> 00:12:53.340 Tommy D: But why don't we start the story real quick when we take a break in about a minute and a half let's start start where you're in sixth grade you going in and and you got no friends, you have no friends, which which it's just what a sucky thing.
00:12:53.790 --> 00:13:00.330 Tommy D: Like I try with my kids and they're not perfect and i'm not like trying to make them saints, but I say look if somebody new joins the school.
00:13:00.600 --> 00:13:07.500 Tommy D: Think about what that's like think about the feeling of that you know, like how top why don't you, and especially my oldest son he's he's incredible with this type of stuff.
00:13:08.100 --> 00:13:18.960 Tommy D: he'll he goes out he reaches out and tries to connect and that's not what we need, Joe like one kid to reach out to you in that sixth grade situation changes really the trajectory of a lot of your own story right.
00:13:19.530 --> 00:13:33.270 Joe Salamone: yeah and I think you know the connective piece is so much about what we saw as the thread that kind of unraveled during cove, it is the connectivity piece, and that is so crucial to kids as they're developing and going through life is the connectivity.
00:13:33.900 --> 00:13:42.060 Joe Salamone: So so much of what we're going through today because the pandemic Did it really exacerbate this issue a lot of it was as a result of the lack of connectivity that kids had.
00:13:42.330 --> 00:13:50.040 Joe Salamone: And you know, I think, going back to my own situation that's exactly what some of the root cause was I didn't have the connectivity I didn't have a support.
00:13:50.250 --> 00:13:58.350 Joe Salamone: You know, family, friends support system, I could say that could assist me in kind of weathering the stuff I was going through I kind of always felt like I was an island, on my own.
00:13:59.100 --> 00:14:08.220 Joe Salamone: You know, and the lack of connectivity is you know, really, what can start sending you down, you know the darker paths of feeling alone and depression and things like that so.
00:14:08.520 --> 00:14:17.070 Joe Salamone: All of that really, of course, started to you know materialized and, obviously, as I got older it didn't really get better um so you know it.
00:14:18.090 --> 00:14:18.840 Joe Salamone: It.
00:14:20.610 --> 00:14:25.590 Joe Salamone: By the time I reached the eighth grade they were more advanced things happening, but you know I know we're going to take a break so.
00:14:25.920 --> 00:14:29.520 Tommy D: We do it so somebody's got it wasn't wasn't getting better as.
00:14:30.210 --> 00:14:42.330 Tommy D: Well, even with that look we love cliffhangers on this show, I mean it's not like you know when Dallas would have a cliffhanger in like 1988 you had to wait two weeks or a week for the show to come back and see what happened, who shot jr if you don't know what i'm talking about I apologize.
00:14:43.680 --> 00:14:48.510 Tommy D: I know you know, but I so many people have no idea what i'm talking about to Eric sovereign checking in.
00:14:49.260 --> 00:15:00.720 Tommy D: Charlie and tanya dial rhymes with Bible i'd say it all the time me and my co host on pals We always say rhymes with Bible, but thank you for being here for crossing over from the professionals animal lover show to check out tell me do philanthropy and focus.
00:15:01.050 --> 00:15:08.130 Tommy D: Joe salmoni I appreciate me and my new friend thanks for being here, we have connectivity, we will be right back in 90 seconds with Joe and Tommy in the attic.
00:15:11.820 --> 00:15:19.980 www.TalkRadio.nyc: Are you a business owner, do you want to be a business owner, do you work with business owners hi i'm Stephen fry your small and medium sized business or SMB guy.
00:15:20.430 --> 00:15:37.050 www.TalkRadio.nyc: And i'm the host of the new show always Friday, while I love to have fun on my show we take those Friday feelings of freedom inspired to discuss popular topics in the minds of SMEs, today, please join me and my very special guests on Friday at 11am on talk radio dot nyc.
00:15:39.990 --> 00:15:45.960 www.TalkRadio.nyc: Are you a conscious co creator or you are on a quest to raise your vibration and your consciousness.
00:15:46.830 --> 00:15:56.280 www.TalkRadio.nyc: Sam leibowitz your conscious consultants and on my show the conscious consultant our awakening humanity, we will touch upon all these topics and more.
00:15:56.580 --> 00:16:09.870 www.TalkRadio.nyc: Listen live at our new time on Thursdays at 12 noon Eastern time that's the conscious consultant our awakening humanity Thursdays 12 noon on talk radio dot nyc.
00:16:15.660 --> 00:16:20.190 www.TalkRadio.nyc: Are you on edge today we live in challenging edgy time so let's lean in.
00:16:20.760 --> 00:16:28.890 www.TalkRadio.nyc: i'm standard parchment the host of the edge of every day which airs each Monday at 7pm Eastern time on talk radio dot nyc.
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00:16:47.430 --> 00:16:52.110 www.TalkRadio.nyc: you're listening to talk radio nyc uplift educate empower.
00:17:06.900 --> 00:17:07.230 www.TalkRadio.nyc: Now.
00:17:19.170 --> 00:17:19.950 Tommy D: We.
00:17:20.850 --> 00:17:22.260 Tommy D: Are back your boy.
00:17:23.430 --> 00:17:31.920 Tommy D: just below the roof of the House i'm in my attic I was gonna say that revolution song in the first segment there, but I didn't do it because my boy.
00:17:32.460 --> 00:17:38.100 Tommy D: Eric rock money doesn't you know I am but I call my boy, but the lead singer revolution probably does a better job than me but.
00:17:38.910 --> 00:17:45.870 Tommy D: You know I got that imposter syndrome sometimes to Joe you know, like I have it Tommy D, the character, he has no he never has that man.
00:17:46.770 --> 00:17:52.110 Tommy D: You know what i'm saying i'm so good good let's get right back into it, there is some stuff I want to mention.
00:17:52.410 --> 00:17:55.920 Tommy D: You know we'll we'll shout it out in the next segment, but you know it is juneteenth.
00:17:56.220 --> 00:18:05.760 Tommy D: This Sunday want to mention that it is father's day i'll do a little bit on the next segment about that because I want to get we left the on the cliffhanger like who shot jr Joe kickback where are we going.
00:18:06.510 --> 00:18:15.900 Joe Salamone: um so yeah you know growing up obviously look, am I going to say that I went through six seventh and eighth grade without any friends, no I you know I had you know friends here and there.
00:18:16.410 --> 00:18:27.090 Joe Salamone: You know, every aspect of every second was not terrible I you know it was you know that but, but unfortunately so much of my memories.
00:18:27.180 --> 00:18:27.540 Joe Salamone: of it.
00:18:27.810 --> 00:18:34.380 Joe Salamone: Are kind of scarred with the what was bad because of how bad it was at times you know there were there were.
00:18:35.160 --> 00:18:44.280 Joe Salamone: When I first moved into town, I was getting you know i'd get brought into the woods to play man tons and stuff and then you know get left kind of in places where they knew they weren't going to find me.
00:18:44.850 --> 00:18:49.950 Joe Salamone: You know, and you know be wanting to make friends you don't want to come out from the hiding place and ruin it.
00:18:49.950 --> 00:18:51.150 Tommy D: Because you're waiting right so you're.
00:18:51.150 --> 00:18:53.370 Tommy D: Waiting you're playing the game right so.
00:18:54.180 --> 00:18:54.810 Tommy D: yeah yeah.
00:18:55.590 --> 00:19:06.090 Joe Salamone: yeah you know so it's you know things like that, and again, if I were to go back I don't really know how much of it was actually malicious in the intention.
00:19:06.090 --> 00:19:06.600 Tommy D: Like I think.
00:19:06.660 --> 00:19:07.680 Joe Salamone: like that and that's.
00:19:07.740 --> 00:19:09.780 Tommy D: It you're like what boys will be boys.
00:19:09.900 --> 00:19:20.520 Tommy D: Right like that kind of throwaway thing, but it goes back to like I say like these relationships, I have guys and now we're adults and I, we still give each other businesses, you know, like, as I said, but.
00:19:21.060 --> 00:19:25.380 Joe Salamone: i'm out that was something that you mentioned in the beginning that I didn't want to miss I.
00:19:26.130 --> 00:19:32.430 Joe Salamone: I think that is exactly what some of the problem we have in today's society is is that we think.
00:19:32.880 --> 00:19:45.330 Joe Salamone: You know, and I talked about it when I go into schools is the idea that there's a difference between unkind behavior there's a difference between mean behavior and there's a difference between you know bullying behavior.
00:19:45.360 --> 00:19:45.810 Joe Salamone: That on.
00:19:45.990 --> 00:19:48.510 Joe Salamone: versus teasing things like that you know the and it's.
00:19:48.720 --> 00:19:59.400 Joe Salamone: it's important you know a lot of people think it's kind of semantics, but it really is important because not every single time somebody does something to you that's kind of crappy Does that mean that they're a bully or you're a target of a bully.
00:19:59.520 --> 00:19:59.760 Tommy D: All right.
00:20:00.420 --> 00:20:10.140 Joe Salamone: But it What it does is and it's very important to remember, because to your example of you know, useful of friends, I have plenty of friends that we go back and forth with you a you know your audience.
00:20:10.170 --> 00:20:18.840 Joe Salamone: yeah that's what teasing is yeah you're doing it in a light hearted way you may be making somebody may be the central piece of the joke.
00:20:19.020 --> 00:20:23.010 Joe Salamone: But the person knows that you don't mean anything by it.
00:20:23.100 --> 00:20:24.720 Joe Salamone: You know these are guys that like we.
00:20:25.110 --> 00:20:28.560 Tommy D: Do the night ends and you're hugging and kissing each other and based on the.
00:20:29.040 --> 00:20:37.260 Tommy D: You know, so, while i'm getting emotional but that's like the thing of it is it's critically, you said unkind versus mean versus bullying so there's a.
00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:44.250 Tommy D: Like anything else, I guess, but there's a spectrum there's a spectrum of what this is and we don't have to say it's funny because.
00:20:44.730 --> 00:20:50.880 Tommy D: I watched my own kids interact with their friends and I don't see too much of them, giving each other, a hard time and you know.
00:20:51.300 --> 00:20:57.480 Tommy D: i'm thinking specifically about my older son because it's so it's mainly sports it's mainly sports with these guys so.
00:20:58.020 --> 00:21:02.700 Tommy D: You know where i'm always automatic quarterback because i'm old and I can't run job, but you know I.
00:21:03.480 --> 00:21:09.300 Tommy D: Plus i'm not going to start running down, you know they might be holding my friend grass I can't like turn an ankle or something because i'm old again.
00:21:09.780 --> 00:21:23.430 Tommy D: But like like I I don't see them and again i'm not in the conversations with the 11 year olds unless i'm playing the game with them, so I don't know but I don't know if kids are maybe it's because they know not to do this stuff so you know, maybe it's the education of it.
00:21:23.790 --> 00:21:26.340 Joe Salamone: It really it really depends.
00:21:27.390 --> 00:21:33.810 Joe Salamone: I would like to say that I agree with you, however, i'm in middle school is still the worst.
00:21:34.440 --> 00:21:39.360 Tommy D: So why do you think that is what, why is that the worst they they finding their way they gotta gotta let.
00:21:39.660 --> 00:21:41.790 Joe Salamone: them read my kind of awkward age, I mean.
00:21:41.820 --> 00:21:42.060 Joe Salamone: Like.
00:21:42.180 --> 00:21:48.840 Tommy D: Any kind of like create a personality to right so like the peacock in and, if I can knock you down that I look like this kind of junk.
00:21:49.080 --> 00:21:57.600 Joe Salamone: They they're not quite sure where they fit in so they're kind of there's a lot of a for lack of a better phrase, a more of like a chameleon.
00:21:57.660 --> 00:21:59.310 Joe Salamone: Complex going on, where they're.
00:21:59.520 --> 00:22:01.590 Joe Salamone: they're not sure where they really fit so.
00:22:01.590 --> 00:22:10.710 Tommy D: they're testing out right they're testing their own i'm watching it with my older one right now age wise 12 and it's like wow like this is something else.
00:22:10.770 --> 00:22:19.320 Joe Salamone: You know, and I think a lot of it has to do you know whether or not a school does everything 100% right and listen they're trying.
00:22:19.710 --> 00:22:29.970 Joe Salamone: But I think at the end of the day we all, we all could think of a school that maybe didn't handle something, the best way, maybe they if they have the opportunity to go back would change the way they handled it but.
00:22:30.450 --> 00:22:44.250 Joe Salamone: By and large, every school district out there has some focus of bullying, could it be better in some cases sure, but there is only so much of this that you can really accomplish in school, it has to start from the Foundation they're getting from home.
00:22:44.430 --> 00:22:44.700 Tommy D: of it.
00:22:44.790 --> 00:22:46.440 Joe Salamone: If they're not being taught.
00:22:46.860 --> 00:23:01.650 Joe Salamone: what's right from wrong what's Nice and what's not what's kind and what's not you can't send a kid into school for six hours a day, and expect the school to be able to teach them every single thing about being a human being that they need to know, and the problem is, is that.
00:23:03.000 --> 00:23:09.810 Joe Salamone: The parental and school relationship needs to be a supplemental symbiotic relationship not them versus them.
00:23:09.900 --> 00:23:17.370 Joe Salamone: It can't be constantly butting heads the school can't you know the school can do wonders for six hours in a day, but if it all gets.
00:23:17.400 --> 00:23:21.630 Joe Salamone: undone because it's not supported at home, then the cycle just continues.
00:23:21.660 --> 00:23:29.640 Tommy D: As I mentioned already, the term is not in the school, the majority of time if you say it say six or seven hours well that leaves a whole bunch fits for 615 16 maybe I could add.
00:23:29.970 --> 00:23:38.010 Tommy D: You know the rest of the 24 is not at the school, but you said supplemental and symbiotic I think that's critical and while.
00:23:38.340 --> 00:23:43.710 Tommy D: While not the same, but related as we did talk a little bit about substance use in the front of the show.
00:23:44.070 --> 00:23:52.170 Tommy D: You know I think the same conversation, and I just started having this conversation with our friend group meaning, my friends, who are the parents of my kids friends like that gang right.
00:23:52.590 --> 00:23:55.800 Tommy D: i'm saying like we need to be very mindful.
00:23:56.370 --> 00:24:03.270 Tommy D: About drinking and drugs, and all of this stuff because, again, it is related to this, but I think what we're talking about but it's.
00:24:03.540 --> 00:24:11.460 Tommy D: That symbiotic relationship with the school with the Community like it's just where I live, there's this coalition against substance abuse it's a local organization.
00:24:11.730 --> 00:24:20.940 Tommy D: and a friend of mine is on the board of that and I said to him because he's a he's a business owner in the Community that's the train everybody if you hear it, this is what happens when you're on long island there's a train everywhere so.
00:24:21.270 --> 00:24:30.990 Tommy D: um my friend who's on the board of that organization is kids are grown, but he I said to him, why are you rob I said, why are you involved with this, this is a couple years back.
00:24:31.620 --> 00:24:41.730 Tommy D: And he goes, because this is my community and I, my kids went through the schools here in too many children i'm just going to say it, are tragically dying because of substance issues so.
00:24:42.600 --> 00:24:49.230 Tommy D: I think that goes back to the point, though, about it's got to be your point symbiotic it's got to be together and connected.
00:24:49.680 --> 00:24:58.680 Tommy D: And it can't just be my expectation as a father is i'm going to drop them off this building for six or seven hours and then they're going to be good citizens because of the building that and.
00:24:59.520 --> 00:25:05.820 Tommy D: No knocking the leaders of the school and the teachers and the guidance counselor but it's my job, and my wife's job to to be.
00:25:06.150 --> 00:25:21.330 Tommy D: A bigger part of that right like that's the stuff you're talking about so I want it, I want to hear about program I know you have a lot to say so, I want to hear that what your response and then programmatically what it is that l I ca be long island coalition against bullying is doing.
00:25:22.770 --> 00:25:23.640 Tommy D: In the schools and whatnot.
00:25:24.150 --> 00:25:25.500 Joe Salamone: So to button up that last.
00:25:25.500 --> 00:25:27.330 Joe Salamone: piece, I think that it's.
00:25:27.930 --> 00:25:40.110 Joe Salamone: I personally and I always walk a fine line because I am transparency, I don't have children, but I, in my estimation believe that it's a parent's right to to create the human side.
00:25:40.560 --> 00:25:49.770 Joe Salamone: of it have a kid and it's a school's job to kind of continue to nurture that and educate that but teaching manatee In my estimation really starts from.
00:25:50.010 --> 00:26:02.160 Joe Salamone: home but it's, not to say that every kid who has, who is a bully or who engages in that kind of behavior comes from a home life that is terrible there are very good parents out there that unfortunately.
00:26:02.490 --> 00:26:10.470 Joe Salamone: Usually, it means that their kid is dealing with something it's you bullying is usually a reaction to something it's a reaction in the wrong way but it's not because you're terrible people.
00:26:10.620 --> 00:26:12.390 Joe Salamone: they're reacting to things in.
00:26:12.660 --> 00:26:13.740 Joe Salamone: A negative way so.
00:26:13.740 --> 00:26:20.610 Tommy D: let's say that again say that again because it doesn't mean and, for some reason billy Madison really billy Madison and.
00:26:21.210 --> 00:26:26.820 Tommy D: Oil the oil family or oil rules, they were really like the jerks all the way through as billy Madison was going through school.
00:26:27.270 --> 00:26:33.870 Tommy D: And then they have the driving off the cliff and that was like a very good thing for because it was a cute junk that the whole family is gone, but that.
00:26:34.260 --> 00:26:48.810 Tommy D: That looks like Mr Doyle probably was a jerk I guess in that example if you haven't seen happy Gilmore I don't know if you guys missed a bunch of movies to Joe about that, though let's say that again it's not that they're bad people but they're about the reaction piece again.
00:26:48.990 --> 00:26:57.930 Joe Salamone: they're they're not bad kids that you know they're they're reacting to something that's in their life that's not making them feel good and and bullying is a.
00:26:58.200 --> 00:27:06.810 Joe Salamone: Unfortunate tool in their bag that they think is going to kind of help them get through and actually that's a perfect segue to kind of what we do so.
00:27:07.350 --> 00:27:10.470 Joe Salamone: We have we do an exercise in most schools.
00:27:10.890 --> 00:27:19.980 Joe Salamone: called the invisible backpack and actually we do it at our golf outing to we actually have our golfers wear a bag, full of golf balls to kind of accentuate the point, so what the invisible backpack is that it's something that.
00:27:20.280 --> 00:27:24.990 Joe Salamone: You and I as we're talking here are wearing it's a bag that no one else can see.
00:27:25.200 --> 00:27:36.300 Joe Salamone: But it's filled with all of our struggles our problems, things that are not right with us things that are you know upsetting us, whatever the case is but we're not wearing a sign that says i'm dealing with this this this and this.
00:27:36.570 --> 00:27:42.450 Joe Salamone: And that that exercise works both in how you can make somebody feel like what it's like to be bullied.
00:27:42.720 --> 00:27:54.150 Joe Salamone: and also what it's like to make somebody feel like they are the bullied a an individual who's engaging in bullying behavior which is really the proper way of saying it because engaging in behavior means you can change behavior.
00:27:55.140 --> 00:28:09.330 Joe Salamone: When you're engaging in the bullying behavior you are dealing with the weight you already have we don't necessarily know what that way, it is, but you think that by making somebody else feel worse, you are somehow exercising the weight, you have and getting.
00:28:09.360 --> 00:28:19.080 Tommy D: out so that's that's on some subconscious level that's the that's what this and I love this engaging and bullying behavior because, if I call someone a bully.
00:28:19.380 --> 00:28:25.680 Tommy D: Well they're a bully right that's a label right and it's like wow i'm a bully and that's what it is, and I joked about the oils from that movie but.
00:28:25.950 --> 00:28:32.700 Tommy D: But like ah it's just do you're doing, a thing which means you can leave step over here and not do the thing anymore right.
00:28:33.150 --> 00:28:48.660 Tommy D: So I think that's critically important you set it up front two words have meanings and there's this distinction about what we say and really what we tell ourselves and others because it just gets it gets stuck in there and we carry it around I love this invisible backpack that yet.
00:28:49.230 --> 00:28:54.660 Joe Salamone: converse with you when you are a victim of targeting from someone who's engaging in this kind of behavior.
00:28:54.990 --> 00:29:05.250 Joe Salamone: Everything you're already dealing with is compounded and your bed gets that much heavier so that's why the concept of words having meaning is so many kids and we could talk about this in the next segment.
00:29:05.820 --> 00:29:21.330 Joe Salamone: So many kids think of well well that was obviously a joke clearly that was a joke, but you know what the person, you said that to you have no idea what's necessarily in their bag, when you said it that may be as an isolated singular thing it's not the end of the world.
00:29:21.480 --> 00:29:23.100 Joe Salamone: But, adding that to.
00:29:23.160 --> 00:29:27.450 Joe Salamone: What they are already dealing with is what sometimes we make that bag too heavy.
00:29:27.780 --> 00:29:37.170 Tommy D: Do you remember, like in chemistry class I wasn't like great science student, but I remember, now there was like you'd have like a like a beaker, I guess, and they were like they were talking meniscus.
00:29:37.380 --> 00:29:43.170 Tommy D: I think it was like it was the top of you could see the water like if you looked at it, but you can I didn't see was higher than the JAR it was in.
00:29:43.410 --> 00:29:48.780 Tommy D: Right like if I filled all the way up and I talked about that sometimes, and I talked about in my own stress life and I go.
00:29:49.350 --> 00:29:55.680 Tommy D: Sometimes my glasses, all the way up there, so you start pouring some more water and forget it it's already um it's just going to.
00:29:56.040 --> 00:30:00.360 Tommy D: pour out over the side I think that's what you're saying and I like that, as a visual because it's like.
00:30:00.870 --> 00:30:06.240 Tommy D: Maybe I just can't handle much more, and maybe you know as a kid or as an adult or whatever, and maybe like.
00:30:06.630 --> 00:30:12.390 Tommy D: don't give me a hard time and i'm not saying this is not individualized not about me i'm speaking as awesome as me like.
00:30:13.080 --> 00:30:18.360 Tommy D: it's probably was it was a throwaway thing I just said, so my thought was cute whatever I thought, but you know what.
00:30:18.600 --> 00:30:35.730 Tommy D: here's what this is something that I try to live by because take this with you everyone, and this is from Robin Williams and I think this makes joe's point everyone you meet is fighting battles, you know nothing about be kind always dylan let's go to a quick break we'll be back.
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00:32:36.450 --> 00:32:44.040 Tommy D: come through the static, that is a command, just like push the static, to get out of the way come up a couple flights of stairs from the kitchen.
00:32:44.550 --> 00:32:50.970 Tommy D: and join me in my attic don't live don't like literally do that because I don't have enough room for everybody to come up here in the attic but, like you got it right virtually all right.
00:32:51.270 --> 00:32:58.200 Tommy D: here's what I want to say juneteenth is this Sunday today's the 17th of June 2022 as we mentioned this so juneteenth.
00:32:58.530 --> 00:33:05.970 Tommy D: Also it's a national holiday now also known as you believe a emancipation day Freedom Day black Independence Day, it is a federal holiday.
00:33:06.360 --> 00:33:17.550 Tommy D: Commemorating the emancipation of enslaved African Americans, it is observed for celebrating African American culture and originally originated in galveston Texas so.
00:33:17.850 --> 00:33:25.410 Tommy D: I just wanted to point it out, I think it's critically important to understand Look, we know our original sin as a country we don't need to you know.
00:33:26.190 --> 00:33:32.850 Tommy D: Really, a whole lot of negotiating, it was a bad scene, and I think it's important that we talked about that, just so happens to fall on.
00:33:33.300 --> 00:33:39.480 Tommy D: father's day as well, so I shout out to my dad who's been a very important part of my life love you dad.
00:33:39.870 --> 00:33:52.380 Tommy D: And my father in law as well and, being a dad is a whole other situation that i've been working through last 12 years talking about evolving Joe salamone talk about like wow like I mean literally my life on.
00:33:53.040 --> 00:34:00.120 Tommy D: On November third when my oldest was born all those years ago like literally changed in seconds like phone.
00:34:00.420 --> 00:34:07.380 Tommy D: Like I can do whatever I want oh my God, I have someone's life in my hand like that is a game changing situation, so if you are a dad out there.
00:34:07.740 --> 00:34:22.950 Tommy D: Happy father's day to you, and if you have a dad will wish him a happy father's day alright so um there's more to come on things I want to share throughout this show but let's go we're talking about the invisible backpack I like feeling carrying that weight right let's go there.
00:34:23.730 --> 00:34:25.170 Joe Salamone: So um.
00:34:26.400 --> 00:34:32.670 Joe Salamone: Obviously there and there's a lot to unpack even in that one analogy, which is kind of what we really strive to do.
00:34:34.560 --> 00:34:39.660 Joe Salamone: As an organization is kind of like unpack the layers a little bit, so I.
00:34:40.680 --> 00:34:48.780 Joe Salamone: Years ago I you know when that when the organization started, obviously, the first question we knew we had the passion we knew we had the drive we knew we had an issue to tackle.
00:34:49.170 --> 00:35:02.790 Joe Salamone: Then it became like well how are you going to tackle it like you got the WHO you got the what now you got to figure out the how now you know, obviously, things have continued to evolve in the last nine years September will be nine years that we've been around.
00:35:03.030 --> 00:35:04.050 Tommy D: Congratulations show.
00:35:04.140 --> 00:35:07.320 Tommy D: that's a big deal man as a grassroots nonprofit so big deal to make it.
00:35:08.130 --> 00:35:09.420 Joe Salamone: So I it.
00:35:10.680 --> 00:35:24.330 Joe Salamone: So the very basic thing I, at a time where two things are not really happening trust and something to smile about that's where we have these care packages that we send we call them smile packages.
00:35:25.080 --> 00:35:33.090 Joe Salamone: And we send them to any child who we find out is being bullied they can be requested online are right on the website.
00:35:33.540 --> 00:35:44.100 Joe Salamone: And it literally people ask us all the time, can we have like the girl scouts make a bunch of packages well the unfortunate part is no because it's what makes the answer of know is what makes them so unique.
00:35:44.520 --> 00:35:50.370 Joe Salamone: Each package that we send is specifically tailored to the person that's going to receive it.
00:35:50.610 --> 00:36:05.220 Joe Salamone: And so there's a form online that we either fill out with you when you were talking to one of our response team members or you could fill it out on your own as a parent a friend, whoever but you're telling us what this kid likes to do.
00:36:05.280 --> 00:36:06.540 Joe Salamone: One their hobbies are there.
00:36:06.540 --> 00:36:13.740 Joe Salamone: special interests what sports teams what TV shows like what music do they like um what what makes them tick.
00:36:13.950 --> 00:36:16.680 Joe Salamone: If they had a wish list, right now, what would be on it.
00:36:17.760 --> 00:36:35.760 Joe Salamone: And really it serves a dual purpose The first one is it's a band aid because it doesn't do a whole lot to cure the issue that they're dealing with, but at the same time, it helps establish trust and helps open the door that there are people out there that do actually want to help them.
00:36:36.120 --> 00:36:40.380 Tommy D: But that's it that's that connectivity piece Joe that you talked about earlier right like you said.
00:36:40.680 --> 00:36:49.890 Tommy D: You know you remember that there were were some brighter and happier times and and I think there's something about the human brain where we remember the crappy stuff like more I don't know what that is i'm.
00:36:50.160 --> 00:36:52.650 Tommy D: told you ready, I am not a doctor of anything.
00:36:53.040 --> 00:37:04.380 Tommy D: But I like Dr like Johnny fever like you know wk rp and Cincinnati For those of you know, like that kind of doctor, maybe I am but i'm not a psychiatrist i'm not a psychologist and I think mid Collins, is the only one listening we've got that.
00:37:04.680 --> 00:37:19.110 Tommy D: Dr Johnny fever joke, but I will say this um it's it's looking me i'm so i'm so called on joy I lost my train of thought, because i'm trying to be silly and make jokes i'm in help me out because I literally did lose my train of thought so where.
00:37:19.410 --> 00:37:19.680 Joe Salamone: The.
00:37:20.520 --> 00:37:22.170 Joe Salamone: connectivity the connectivity.
00:37:22.230 --> 00:37:28.710 Tommy D: So yeah so the connectivity piece is like that child who might feel like they don't have anyone, all of a sudden.
00:37:29.310 --> 00:37:41.520 Tommy D: there's these people that are reaching out that know the their hobbies their interests, their music things that are important to them right so now that could that yes, a band aid, but I see it also as a gateway to start to open this this child off right.
00:37:41.700 --> 00:37:49.470 Joe Salamone: And that's that's that's exactly really what it is it's the idea that you know people remember the kindness of strangers.
00:37:50.040 --> 00:38:00.600 Joe Salamone: And they you know that's key, but it also helps us open the door for two different reasons, one, it may help to it may open the door for a conversation with their parents.
00:38:00.600 --> 00:38:00.810 Joe Salamone: and
00:38:01.230 --> 00:38:10.950 Joe Salamone: kids themselves, and it may open the door between the parents and us so maybe they do want to take more advantage of some of the things that we do have to offer.
00:38:11.610 --> 00:38:22.380 Joe Salamone: But, again, is that package going to do anything to make their situation go away absolutely not so there's got to be some substance that's baked underneath that in order to try to do that.
00:38:22.620 --> 00:38:28.740 Joe Salamone: And that's where we get into more of like the personal development, things that we do so, one of the biggest things that we do, and unfortunately.
00:38:29.070 --> 00:38:37.740 Joe Salamone: it's not as commonly sourced as we'd like to see it, but we actually have a referral network of therapists.
00:38:38.070 --> 00:38:56.010 Joe Salamone: Mental health psychologists psychiatrists connect you know, in a network that we have built that that they by working in our network take a reduced private pay rate and then we provide financial subsidies to the families, along with the referral that says you're in.
00:38:57.030 --> 00:39:05.610 Joe Salamone: North Babylon we've got somebody right down the road in deer park or bayshore we try not to stray more than 15 minutes away from them, so that we remove all the barriers.
00:39:06.120 --> 00:39:11.880 Tommy D: I like let's make this easy you know in front of my Michael libra which says like let's reduce the friction and then reducing friction.
00:39:12.270 --> 00:39:13.200 Tommy D: let's get on close.
00:39:13.380 --> 00:39:14.370 Tommy D: Okay, you can't afford it.
00:39:14.490 --> 00:39:18.120 Tommy D: let's subsidize that let's get out in front of this and solve the problem right.
00:39:18.210 --> 00:39:26.880 Joe Salamone: Actually, so, and now that so many people are so used to the zoom situation it's even easier even literally have to leave your House so.
00:39:27.210 --> 00:39:33.930 Joe Salamone: We pay we give families who would like to see a therapist a $500 subsidy per family.
00:39:34.380 --> 00:39:38.490 Joe Salamone: to arm them to pay for however long that will stretch.
00:39:38.790 --> 00:39:50.850 Joe Salamone: If it's there's no insurance will pay 100 $100 a session, if there is insurance will pay co pays and you can stretch that $500 to whatever you can read, we can reimburse you if you've already laid it out, we can.
00:39:51.090 --> 00:39:59.490 Joe Salamone: The therapist can bill us directly so we've put a lot of time into that we don't get involved in the therapy aspect of it we just want to make sure that you're going.
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:10.290 Joe Salamone: And that you're getting the help that you need and and in psych psychological settings and conversations between three and five sessions is generally what's called crisis intervention time.
00:40:10.500 --> 00:40:15.060 Tommy D: So that's like weird like triage like okay so three to five sessions.
00:40:15.120 --> 00:40:21.000 Joe Salamone: three to five sessions, so our our program is built around giving them five sessions.
00:40:21.480 --> 00:40:28.350 Joe Salamone: So if they want to go beyond that they're welcome to we don't get involved really beyond that, unless it's a real you know, case by case basis.
00:40:28.830 --> 00:40:34.950 Joe Salamone: But then other things than the therapy, because there are other things, or maybe in addition to therapy, that you can also be doing.
00:40:35.310 --> 00:40:47.880 Joe Salamone: um we're big proponents of martial arts and I always say, not because we want to teach kids how to beat each other up but because Anybody who knows, the WHO has ever been to martial arts training knows that so much about.
00:40:48.360 --> 00:41:05.220 Joe Salamone: martial arts is the self confidence and that's why it's so important it's to be able to tell you, like listen, I know that if I needed to resort to violence, I could probably lay you down, but I have the mental bandwidth and the self confidence in myself to not have to get to that point.
00:41:05.460 --> 00:41:05.790 Tommy D: They didn't.
00:41:06.030 --> 00:41:10.620 Tommy D: threaten me wait, did you just threaten me on my own show i'm just realizing you did okay.
00:41:11.160 --> 00:41:15.600 Tommy D: I just asking, I just want to make sure I understood it correctly, because I don't know if we have to address a.
00:41:15.750 --> 00:41:16.860 Tommy D: But you probably could.
00:41:17.070 --> 00:41:19.860 Tommy D: i'm old and week you probably could beat me up Joe I guess that's what you.
00:41:20.190 --> 00:41:28.110 Tommy D: know the self confidence and the other thing I always and I have not trained in martial arts or practice martial arts, but there's also, as I understand the discipline piece is.
00:41:29.160 --> 00:41:29.400 Tommy D: Right.
00:41:29.850 --> 00:41:36.480 Tommy D: But the self confidence is what again I try to i'm having this this scenario, my own family and i'm just.
00:41:37.080 --> 00:41:46.440 Tommy D: Where you know they're 1211 nine and seven right and I just say talking about self confidence and I you're talking about imposter syndrome earlier there's this point where.
00:41:47.190 --> 00:41:58.620 Tommy D: I don't know if we can ever be teflon Joe where like it just bounces off me like I don't care right like I don't I don't even know whoever's the strongest you know most confident I think some stuff still will get through the Armor right.
00:41:59.370 --> 00:42:08.220 Tommy D: But if we don't build that foundation again talk about evolution i'm i'm still working through this personally, but as I watched my for young people, my children.
00:42:08.670 --> 00:42:17.100 Tommy D: And i'm like oh man, because some of this stuff is it's nonsense that they're reacting to and it and I, relatively speaking, for a 44 year old man and see you this it's not right.
00:42:17.430 --> 00:42:24.300 Tommy D: But as a nine year old looks up at it it's not it's like this is like really bad so so go back to that self confidence thing.
00:42:24.600 --> 00:42:34.290 Tommy D: How do we get them to build that foundation and get them to be stronger that most of the time you can go, what are you even talking about that's ridiculous you're saying that to me, I am, who I am beat it, you know, like.
00:42:34.890 --> 00:42:43.020 Joe Salamone: A lot of times it really does really come to us to as as the adults in the room to kind of get them to kind of as you use the word before triage.
00:42:43.260 --> 00:42:56.250 Joe Salamone: You know you don't have to react to every single situation, the problem with today why the advice is so much harder for kids to accept is because it's not really happening this way yeah happening.
00:42:56.940 --> 00:42:57.690 Tommy D: I know I know.
00:42:58.050 --> 00:43:08.760 Joe Salamone: And unfortunately like when I was going through it, the worst time that I had was whatever happened in school, whoever repeated what they saw or what happened on the bus, but what.
00:43:09.720 --> 00:43:11.490 Tommy D: ended when you got to the House right.
00:43:11.760 --> 00:43:19.620 Joe Salamone: I got off the bus I went home I shut the door and if I didn't choose to go back outside until school, the next day, the day was over the horror was done.
00:43:19.740 --> 00:43:22.440 Tommy D: Here, what you go through it, for whatever that means yes.
00:43:22.560 --> 00:43:34.590 Joe Salamone: And now, today, the problem is it just doesn't end I mean you can you know one person and, unfortunately, look at the very simple scenario of how we all unfortunately even adults fall into this.
00:43:34.950 --> 00:43:43.470 Joe Salamone: We are more interested in grabbing a phone to record a fight than we are and trying to break it up or get people to stop the fighting.
00:43:44.040 --> 00:43:49.860 Joe Salamone: Especially in kids, no one has any interest in jumping into the fight or I shouldn't say no, and that's a horrible generalization.
00:43:50.010 --> 00:43:56.580 Joe Salamone: That most kids in the hallway are going to see a fight, and the first thing to do is try to take a picture of it or a video of it and they may not post it.
00:43:56.850 --> 00:44:02.490 Joe Salamone: But what they are doing is sending it around to each other through private snap groups and did you see what just happened in the hallway.
00:44:02.490 --> 00:44:06.150 Tommy D: They didn't do what they didn't do is go, what are we doing here.
00:44:06.330 --> 00:44:07.380 Tommy D: Like they didn't do that.
00:44:07.410 --> 00:44:13.350 Tommy D: So that's really and look in the in the in the hallway in a school.
00:44:14.940 --> 00:44:17.220 Tommy D: tragic situations in this country aside.
00:44:17.370 --> 00:44:19.380 Tommy D: But in the hallway in a school for the most part.
00:44:19.680 --> 00:44:30.810 Tommy D: If two knuckleheads are fighting, you know another kid can get in the in the way and the worst he's going to get is you know, maybe a shot in the face from one of these fistfight right so i'm not saying everybody needs to get in and break up fights.
00:44:30.870 --> 00:44:31.710 Tommy D: On the subway.
00:44:31.830 --> 00:44:36.360 Tommy D: But you're talking about in the hallway you can kind of, say, like guys, what are we doing here right it's.
00:44:36.360 --> 00:44:38.730 Tommy D: Not it's not very dangerous is my point to.
00:44:38.970 --> 00:44:51.720 Joe Salamone: Everybody everybody asks the same thing on how do we get them to be stronger but it's things like that, because we're never going to win the war and that's what really this is every day is a battle in a larger war it's been fought for years, but.
00:44:52.590 --> 00:45:07.230 Joe Salamone: The struggle that we're in now is very different, because look at it just take the one example of any number of these moms groups or parent groups on Facebook and look at the way people treat each other there with their name and their picture right there like.
00:45:07.440 --> 00:45:22.380 Joe Salamone: When we seem to be saying, the problem is over there it's not here if we were trying to all make a collective effort, because it's incredibly hypocritical for somebody say don't treat each other that way, but then they'll turn around and be like, but did you see what you just put on Facebook.
00:45:22.440 --> 00:45:25.170 Tommy D: And that's the thing and it's not it's not anonymous like.
00:45:25.770 --> 00:45:34.980 Tommy D: I see some of it i'm not big on Facebook, because of what you're talking about and a guy with my personality, you know would probably I stayed away from it for like last 20 years just.
00:45:35.160 --> 00:45:38.040 Tommy D: Because of this, show and business and other things i've gotten more involved with it.
00:45:38.610 --> 00:45:42.900 Tommy D: But it's a lot of that is nonsense and crap and to your point if you.
00:45:43.770 --> 00:45:51.120 Tommy D: Not only you, like all your stuff is there, he has pictures of my kids and i'm going to act a fool here's pictures of my family and i'm going to act stupid and be very rude.
00:45:51.450 --> 00:46:00.330 Tommy D: I don't understand that, but there is portion of it like we don't want to generalize like you said earlier, there are portions of that tool that i'm watching out that you and me on the screen over here on my left that is not.
00:46:00.750 --> 00:46:07.800 Tommy D: All negative so all right look we do this, like it's kind of like it should be the theme of the show we never run out of words to say.
00:46:08.220 --> 00:46:14.370 Tommy D: Well, we always run out of time in which to say those words which just means I have to do this, show for many, many years into the future.
00:46:14.550 --> 00:46:21.330 Tommy D: And some of my guests will just have to come back and have regular conversations, although I will be going to joe's office because, although I am not.
00:46:21.600 --> 00:46:30.000 Tommy D: As big of a Lego maniac, and that is not i'm not passing judgment it's an old commercial zach zach he's a Lego maniac That was a commercial.
00:46:30.300 --> 00:46:39.810 Tommy D: Well, Joe salmoni is a Lego kind of Sir so when we come back from break today we're going to talk legos because they're all over his Office, if you haven't seen them yet, but there's a bunch of Lego.
00:46:40.620 --> 00:46:50.670 Tommy D: creations on on joe's desk and otherwise we'll talk about that, and I really want to talk about join the last thing, where do we go from here, what do you need who's the organization connecting with now who do you want to connect with in the future.
00:46:50.880 --> 00:46:53.850 Tommy D: we're way over time let's take a quick break and come back and bring it to a close.
00:46:57.480 --> 00:47:06.450 www.TalkRadio.nyc: Everybody it's cami D, the nonprofit sector connected coming at you from my attic each week here on talk radio dot nyc I hope program philanthropy and.
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00:48:46.800 --> 00:48:47.310 www.TalkRadio.nyc: Tommy.
00:48:51.360 --> 00:48:55.260 Tommy D: Tommy did the show it's called philanthropy and focus and I got a quick story for you.
00:48:56.220 --> 00:49:05.340 Tommy D: On an early summers evening in the emergency room waiting room of the Good Samaritan hospital out on long island strong island our island West islip is the town.
00:49:05.640 --> 00:49:17.520 Tommy D: A family walks into the waiting room and they are accompanied that this young man, accompanied by his parents his has special needs intellectual developmentally disabled mentally handicapped in the different vernacular.
00:49:18.630 --> 00:49:24.390 Tommy D: three young people in their 20s sit there, and all of a sudden, they start giving this young man and and his family, a hard time.
00:49:25.740 --> 00:49:33.930 Tommy D: My buddy Joe salamone who's my guest on the show was seated there and watch this and it brought back memories for Joe and it brought back some of the stories we've talked about for Joe.
00:49:34.290 --> 00:49:42.750 Tommy D: And you know I like this phrase, I totally rip this off from a guy that used to work in a company together and used to say pissed off for greatness we're pissed off for greatness and i'm pissed off.
00:49:43.020 --> 00:49:46.290 Tommy D: For greatness, because you know what this is the kind of thing Joe saw something.
00:49:46.650 --> 00:49:53.130 Tommy D: I said at a video I shot about this show I don't know that I could have had the same discipline that Joe did and not like.
00:49:53.370 --> 00:49:56.700 Tommy D: grab one of these kids because i'm a knucklehead and I might have done something done done that.
00:49:56.910 --> 00:50:09.960 Tommy D: Or at least that would have gotten their face, I think, but Joe had the fortitude to say you know what there's something here and i'm going to solve this problem and that's what the long island coalition against bullying is right, I mean it all comes out of that nature oh.
00:50:11.010 --> 00:50:16.170 Joe Salamone: yeah and if, if I had one regret over the last nine years it's the.
00:50:17.550 --> 00:50:36.270 Joe Salamone: Not it's a regret that I didn't do anything in that moment, but I wish that in some way I can either the universe tells them in some way or whatever the case is I didn't know who they were I probably will never know the names or anything.
00:50:37.440 --> 00:50:42.570 Joe Salamone: But I want them to know that just because I failed to do something that night.
00:50:44.280 --> 00:50:51.420 Joe Salamone: i've been spending every day since that night doing something, based on the unfortunate thing I saw happened to their family.
00:50:51.690 --> 00:50:58.170 Tommy D: Well i'm kind of i'm kind of happy that you didn't do something, because maybe if you did something that night you wouldn't feel as.
00:50:58.440 --> 00:51:04.530 Tommy D: As responsible to do all the work you're doing now, and if you're a pistol for greatness and you're just going to keep working harder.
00:51:04.860 --> 00:51:13.020 Tommy D: hey you know what I thank you for that Joe you're a leader and you're changing the freaking world you're a change maker that's the people I hang out with, and I mean that you're a hero.
00:51:13.200 --> 00:51:25.680 Tommy D: Because you're helping all these people who need your help, so thank you for that talk to me about you, we want to talk events, we want to talk a yoga boardwalk Gala coming up tell me this is your moment or three moments to get it all out.
00:51:26.790 --> 00:51:37.020 Joe Salamone: So uh yeah so we got frankly tired of like the stuffy black tie ball type gala's and we were like let's change it up a little bit.
00:51:37.230 --> 00:51:42.690 Joe Salamone: So we usually do it in October, because we always try to do an event in October to commemorate bullying prevention month.
00:51:42.990 --> 00:51:53.970 Joe Salamone: But we decided let's shift gears like totally drop a bomb on it and do something more fun, so we moved it to an event in in August August 4.
00:51:54.600 --> 00:52:01.680 Joe Salamone: Thursday August 4 from six to 10 it's at the pavilion in sunken meadow right on the boardwalk right on the beach that's why we're calling it our boardwalk benefit.
00:52:02.490 --> 00:52:11.070 Joe Salamone: it'll have food and drinks it's networking, you know you know where you find an open chair sit down talk to somebody making new friends make new business contacts.
00:52:11.640 --> 00:52:12.570 Joe Salamone: there's going to be.
00:52:13.200 --> 00:52:23.130 Joe Salamone: cornhole competitions there's going to be giant jenga you know all this kind of fun stuff so that it's raising money, obviously, which is much needed but it's also having a good time and a memorable evening.
00:52:23.370 --> 00:52:28.620 Joe Salamone: And you know you know I tell business people might come with a business card, you know you're gonna you're gonna end up doing it.
00:52:29.640 --> 00:52:43.050 Tommy D: As a nonprofit sector connector wherever I go i'm networking like oh that's just and that's what networking is, and not just networking to sell more stuff networking to meet Joe salmoni who might be, you know I don't you do some work with.
00:52:44.100 --> 00:52:45.270 Tommy D: Big brothers big sisters.
00:52:45.420 --> 00:52:54.570 Tommy D: Yes, mark cox's organization he's a leader over there right like you probably met somehow through networking if you didn't know them already somebody introduced you right.
00:52:55.020 --> 00:52:59.340 Joe Salamone: hey I hit Baird development director of development meredith michaels.
00:53:01.110 --> 00:53:08.700 Joe Salamone: Great i've known her for years she actually is the former girlfriend of a former board member so that's how we actually.
00:53:08.700 --> 00:53:09.660 Tommy D: met working.
00:53:10.140 --> 00:53:11.130 Tommy D: Hard just romantic.
00:53:11.160 --> 00:53:14.790 Tommy D: Sometimes it's business sometimes it's philanthropy but test network and.
00:53:15.540 --> 00:53:21.900 Joe Salamone: It definitely big shout out to our friends over big brothers, you know we love them, I expect I hope they love us.
00:53:22.560 --> 00:53:25.110 Joe Salamone: we've got a great thing going with them really stressing.
00:53:25.710 --> 00:53:34.110 Joe Salamone: Stressing the connection again back to connectivity between you know P kids and mentors and the importance of the mentor mentee relationship.
00:53:34.350 --> 00:53:45.090 Joe Salamone: And it doesn't matter who the one person in your life is everybody should have at least the one and that that goes such a long way, so that's what we really focus on with them, as well as other education stuff like that, but.
00:53:45.840 --> 00:54:00.510 Joe Salamone: You know so where you know where we kind of going we're striving for more partnerships, obviously we want more people to be involved we've got bored committees, you know we've got things like that we're relaunching a youth board in September to get middle school and high school kids.
00:54:00.570 --> 00:54:03.540 Tommy D: what's the age what what are you looking for what age group on that youth board.
00:54:03.840 --> 00:54:05.070 Joe Salamone: Eighth grade and higher.
00:54:05.310 --> 00:54:12.060 Tommy D: wow I think I have a prospect for you i'll just leave it at that we'll talk offline about that um so.
00:54:12.630 --> 00:54:22.770 Tommy D: I have a lot more that I want to make sure we hit in here, so I just shared the benefit the link, for the benefit on Facebook, but let's just say you're not watching or listening on Facebook and you're listening to the streaming version of this.
00:54:23.070 --> 00:54:24.360 Tommy D: I want you all to go to.
00:54:24.960 --> 00:54:28.530 Tommy D: lie cab or do you like it is like that, or like has a nickname or yeah.
00:54:28.740 --> 00:54:40.410 Tommy D: Well, I cab.org Li CA B, which stands for long island coalition against bullying and I love it as two hands and bracing with like like cab on the island is logo I love the local I.
00:54:40.650 --> 00:54:47.760 Tommy D: You know I need to I need a hoodie i'm not asking for one i'm going to purchase one, so I hope you have one If not, I speak, speaking of hoodies makes me think of my friend Fred topher.
00:54:48.240 --> 00:54:53.520 Tommy D: From tombo visual creations and we're doing some work together for some of my nonprofit friends, so we could talk.
00:54:53.970 --> 00:54:57.930 Tommy D: If you if you're looking for somebody to help you out with that gang always reach out to me and i'll keep a friend.
00:54:58.590 --> 00:55:02.970 Tommy D: So that i've shared the website i've shared the place to purchase tickets for that I.
00:55:03.540 --> 00:55:12.150 Tommy D: I want to be at this event, I mean this is like really cool and I think i'm dressed for it if it's a boardwalk event a hawaiian shirt you know and i'll probably put like.
00:55:12.360 --> 00:55:26.340 Tommy D: My cuckoo he knots the shells that I got from Hawaii and all that stuff because I that's kind of the scene of going forward we go out to the beach so that's that's special leave them with one thing they need to know Joe just generally about this stuff and about the connectivity maybe.
00:55:27.540 --> 00:55:35.520 Joe Salamone: A find the one person there's always a person in your life that even for an adult there's always one person that wants to help you.
00:55:35.790 --> 00:55:44.340 Joe Salamone: Obviously that's more important for a kid because when you're on that island, I know how lonely that island is but i'm telling you now you're not the only person there.
00:55:44.610 --> 00:55:52.200 Joe Salamone: And you're you're you're really not on an island, there are plenty of people around you they could be teachers, they can be coaches, they can be parents.
00:55:52.380 --> 00:56:02.130 Joe Salamone: You know, and it doesn't really matter, and I think anybody who really loves the kid is not going to matter it's not going to care they're not going to care, who the one person is for you as long as you have it.
00:56:02.400 --> 00:56:13.740 Joe Salamone: Because the dangers of not having the one person and feeling forever like you're alone is to perilous you know to to take for granted, so um.
00:56:14.550 --> 00:56:28.350 Joe Salamone: You know and and again The other thing is find a hobby find something that you can do in your life that allows you to get stress out, you know, safe and legal ways I should say to get your stresses out for me as Tom you mentioned it's my legos.
00:56:28.770 --> 00:56:31.530 Tommy D: legos quick give me give me your favorites really quick around the room you got like.
00:56:31.530 --> 00:56:38.550 Joe Salamone: 30 my favorite one I don't know where you could see it is the Titanic right there that's the second largest Lego set.
00:56:38.940 --> 00:56:50.700 Joe Salamone: In the event, they have the Coliseum is down there I got the challenge or the White House you can't see it, but the empire state building back there capitals over there that right here is the.
00:56:50.730 --> 00:56:53.820 Tommy D: homeless home alone House you showed us that dirt before we got started today.
00:56:54.630 --> 00:56:55.230 Tommy D: My thing.
00:56:55.440 --> 00:57:00.240 Tommy D: That you think far the one person find the hobby make connections all right um.
00:57:00.720 --> 00:57:09.420 Tommy D: Look there's a couple things I want to say really quick I know we're out of time, but Michael part is my buddy I want to give you a shout out he put a post talk about the good things on Facebook put a post out here.
00:57:09.870 --> 00:57:18.750 Tommy D: Regarding black Wall Street and a trip he just took down to Tulsa Michael my buddy from BC di has been on the show the bronx cooperative development initiatives been here.
00:57:18.990 --> 00:57:27.000 Tommy D: And I want to hear more about that black Wall Street thing happy juneteenth happy father's day Happy Birthday to my boy who comes out right after this.
00:57:27.240 --> 00:57:30.570 Tommy D: The SMB guy Steve fry it is his birthday just give.
00:57:30.840 --> 00:57:40.140 Tommy D: Some more shout outs Scotch a beagle foundation memorial foundation, I was at their event Linda I love you I love all the friends, you made, I love all the politicians that you have that are supporting.
00:57:40.470 --> 00:57:44.730 Tommy D: Responsible gun legislation, and we need to talk about that nobody's taking your guns gang.
00:57:45.060 --> 00:57:51.150 Tommy D: we're just trying to be responsible, so we don't have these tragedies I think we're the only country in the world that has these tragedies we'll talk about that.
00:57:51.540 --> 00:58:03.600 Tommy D: On a nother show, I wrote down more things I want to say I said Happy Birthday to Steve Fries stay tuned for Steve fried Joe sell them only thanks for being my friend, I can't wait to see the Lego set and person everybody make it a great weekend actually being hit Joe.
00:58:03.990 --> 00:58:04.770 Thank you very much.