Dismantle Racism with Rev. Dr. TLC

Thursday, July 29, 2021
Facebook Live Video from 2021/07/29 - I, Too, Sing America

Facebook Live Video from 2021/07/29 - I, Too, Sing America


2021/07/29 - I, Too, Sing America

[NEW EPISODE] I, Too, Sing America

In 1925, Langston Hughes published the poem “I, Too, Sing America,” eloquently putting into words the yearning for equality by many people who are black. While many things have changed, inequalities abound. For black and brown communities the realities of these inequalities must be juxtaposed with the strength, beauty, and brilliance of their culture. How does one navigate such a society? How does one instill hope for brighter tomorrows and claim their place in America?

Join Rev. Dr. TLC as she talks with Schercitha Miller, as they share the joys, complexities, and sometimes painful experiences of living in America. Their strong family legacy of social justice is the bedrock for their commitment to serve, uplift, and empower all people, in general, but Black Indigenous People of Color, in particular. You don’t want to miss this dynamic mother-son duo as they share their personal and professional experiences with dismantling racism.

Tune in for this important conversation at or watch the Facebook Livestream by Clicking Here.

Show Notes

Segment 1

Terrlyn begins the show with breathing exercises. Reminding us to breathe and to become conscious of our breathing. This helps us to center and focus. Breath in unity and breath out division. Breath in awareness and breathe out our ignorance. Acknowledge that you are enough. Terrlyn starts the discussion by defining internalized racism. She defines it as when a POC values skin that is lighter over skin that is darker. When you believe white culture is superior to all other cultures. She also connects this to the commonly used term colorism. She points out the effects that colorism has had on Hollywood and the black community. Terrlyn introduced her guest Scheritcha Miller. Miller has been in the healthcare industry for over 42 years. She has her masters in healthcare administration as well as Management and Leadership. Right now she is working on getting her doctorate. Miller goes to talk about her experiences with colorism. She shared stories about how strangers and family have been the cause of her trauma and internalized self-hate. Miller talked about how her mother would give her bleach baths and her cousins would discourage her from aiming high in her career because of her darker complexion.

Segment 2

After the break, Miller shared more about her experience growing up with a darker complexion and the bullying she endured. She found herself not knowing her self-worth. She was surrounded by girls who were treated as though they looked more beautiful because of their looser curled hair or lighter skin. She mentioned that it wasn’t until she had children of her own that she was able to acknowledge her beauty and self-worth. Miller also talked about forgiving her mother for how she treated her growing up. Terrlyn added how it is healthy to forgive older generations for the lack of knowledge and awareness.

Segment 3

After the break Miller talks about how being darker affected her romantic relationships throughout her life. Miller recalls several times her ex-husband would insult her out of anger, calling her things like “monkey”. Miller shared how these instances would affect and compound her own poor sense of self. Terrlyn and Miller talked about love yourself and knowing your worth in order to not be affected by the hate that is inflicted on us.

Segment 4

Coming back from the break, Terrlyn asks Miller what would she say to encourage people who were victims of colorism and their families? Miller encourages parents to embrace their children for who they are. As an employer, Miller suggests not to judge people by the color of their skin or even name. She encourages employers to get to know their possible employees for who they are. Towards the end of the show Terrlyn asked her audience if there’s a difference between a black male vs. a black female in their daily life or professional life.


00:00:32.310 --> 00:00:46.530 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Welcome to dismantle racism, where our goal is to uncover dismantle and eradicate racism and create a world where racial equity is the norm, I am your host the Reverend Dr T lc.

00:00:46.920 --> 00:00:52.680 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Today we are going to be discussing the wounds of internalized racism.

00:00:53.340 --> 00:01:07.980 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: So I want to invite us to settle in get ready for a dynamic show and as always we're going to begin the show with asking you to just breathe when we breathe and become conscious of our breath.

00:01:08.790 --> 00:01:25.200 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: It is a sign that we are life itself and it helps to prepare us for the conversation I had so I want you to just to Center and to focus and I invite you to take a deep breath in and breathe in unity.

00:01:26.550 --> 00:01:28.800 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: and breathe out division.

00:01:30.900 --> 00:01:32.820 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: breathe and self love.

00:01:34.110 --> 00:01:35.940 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: breathe out self hate.

00:01:37.650 --> 00:01:39.660 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: breathe in awareness.

00:01:41.190 --> 00:01:42.690 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: breathe out ignorance.

00:01:44.340 --> 00:01:47.100 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: breathe in wholeness and peace.

00:01:48.540 --> 00:01:51.630 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: breathe out pain and rejection.

00:01:52.920 --> 00:01:56.940 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: And now, as you just breathe in and breathe out.

00:01:58.530 --> 00:02:03.810 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: I invite you to relish in the knowledge that you are enough.

00:02:05.460 --> 00:02:16.110 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Regardless of what you've been told about the skin you're in the body that houses your spirit your background or your social status.

00:02:17.310 --> 00:02:23.430 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Just breathe in I am enough.

00:02:25.980 --> 00:02:31.500 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: breathe in I am enough.

00:02:33.600 --> 00:02:36.180 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Now sigh it out and less.

00:02:38.520 --> 00:03:03.660 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: So internalized racism is when black indigenous people of color begin to believe the ideas and the practices of the oppressor that's really steeped in racism, we began to treat ourselves and others, based on widely held beliefs that support whiteness as being the superior race.

00:03:04.920 --> 00:03:10.410 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: One of the areas that is most prominent is the color of our skin.

00:03:11.490 --> 00:03:34.620 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Our tendency within our own community, particularly within the black community, but I think that it reaches across other communities is to value skin, that is lighter over skin that starker and it's all about getting closer to whiteness and again seeing the the white culture as the superior.

00:03:35.790 --> 00:03:45.390 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: This type of treatment is known as colorism and you've probably heard of it if you've not heard the exact name, you might understand this whole idea.

00:03:45.720 --> 00:03:57.030 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Of colorism when you look around and you see who are the people as it relates to people of color who are the people that are shown in limelight or and Hollywood more often.

00:03:57.660 --> 00:04:20.430 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Things have changed a little bit, and so we do see some darker skinned people now that graced the cover of magazines, we do see more people in Hollywood, but we still could do a better job and we also notice when we think about this whole idea of thinking about dark skin being.

00:04:21.690 --> 00:04:31.830 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Less valued, we notice, even in cases of when they are there's a suspect and that suspects might be actually lighter skin.

00:04:32.550 --> 00:04:41.820 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: They actually start to dark in the scan a little bit and make them look a little bit more menacing because darkness is considered bad or dangerous.

00:04:42.510 --> 00:04:53.040 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: I will be talking with today's guest sure sure keep that Miller about these wounds of internalized racism in general but colorism in particular.

00:04:53.820 --> 00:04:58.380 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: And so, if you receive our newsletter I just want to point out, or if you saw the post.

00:04:59.040 --> 00:05:04.560 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: I know that you were expecting today that we would have sure Keith up on with her.

00:05:04.980 --> 00:05:18.990 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: son councilman Kevin Booker but he could not be with us today, he will be with us in a couple of weeks, and we will go back and take a look at I to sing America but we thought that it was important in our conversation.

00:05:19.620 --> 00:05:31.230 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: to really take a look at internalized racism so i'd like to welcome a sure keep the Miller, to the show and before she comes on, I want to tell you just a little bit about her.

00:05:31.530 --> 00:05:41.580 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: She has been in health care for over 42 years and has served in health care management for 20 years she has a master's degree in healthcare administration.

00:05:41.820 --> 00:05:54.300 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: And a master's degree in management and leadership and she's working on her doctorate right now and she's a doctoral student at the Omega graduate school in social leadership so she comes with a wealth of experiences.

00:05:55.050 --> 00:06:03.210 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: In leadership in the healthcare field, and today we might talk a little bit about that, but we thought we would dig in deep and talk about the things.

00:06:03.390 --> 00:06:13.650 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: That really impact, our culture that sometimes we don't like to talk about publicly but we're going to get into it today so sure kiko welcome to the show i'm so delighted you're here.

00:06:17.220 --> 00:06:23.550 Schercitha Miller: Thank you, Dr avery Thank you so much for inviting me it's a pleasure and I.

00:06:23.700 --> 00:06:28.260 Schercitha Miller: Think i'm still having me without my my son being absent, so thank you.

00:06:28.650 --> 00:06:41.460 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Oh, but of course because you're a dynamic woman in your own right here, so we are just so so excited that you are here, so I want to start out as I always do with asking questions around.

00:06:41.760 --> 00:06:53.790 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: What grounds, you spiritually because, in my work, I believe that we have what's called secret intelligence and our secret intelligence is that ability to go within us to that divine place.

00:06:54.300 --> 00:06:58.800 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: That helps us to manifest our greatness, and the greatness of others and so.

00:06:59.460 --> 00:07:11.280 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: I believe that is the essence of all of our relationships that sacred intelligence is our relationship with the sacred ourselves and others So could you tell our audience about.

00:07:11.610 --> 00:07:21.450 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Your connection with the sacred, however, you define that and whether you have a secret practice that helps you in your day to day functioning.

00:07:22.440 --> 00:07:36.450 Schercitha Miller: Yes, my functioning from day to day is waking up in the morning, I have several different employees from different areas that send me various scriptures I get one every morning faithfully from.

00:07:37.020 --> 00:07:46.200 Schercitha Miller: A person in greensboro North Carolina and then I get one from someone from jacksonville so and then I get another one from someone from Miami in Oklahoma so.

00:07:47.310 --> 00:07:58.050 Schercitha Miller: Those various people pray for me and continue to keep me grounded and how I keep myself grounded is to read those but to pass them on to others.

00:07:58.350 --> 00:08:12.720 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: hmm mm hmm all right great because I know that with some of the challenges, you might face in the healthcare field, in general, but even as it relates to racism that is experienced the micro aggressions and.

00:08:13.410 --> 00:08:30.840 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Even the the macro aggressions I imagine that it helps to keep you grounded and just being in conversation with you beforehand, I know that is something that's really important to you, but we're going to jump right in with our conversation on internalized racism I don't want to.

00:08:32.250 --> 00:08:43.980 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Waste another minute before we get into that because I know that in talking with you that you had some experiences with colorism so tell us a little bit about that.

00:08:45.000 --> 00:09:03.780 Schercitha Miller: um answer matter of fact, just I think it was like over a bottom maybe six weeks ago, I had a gentleman on say to me i'm sure kesa you're a beautiful woman, I will love, how you are, but if you are just a little bit lighter you are just be gorgeous.

00:09:05.040 --> 00:09:05.790 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: wow.

00:09:08.070 --> 00:09:10.560 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: What does that do to you when when you hear that.

00:09:11.010 --> 00:09:23.730 Schercitha Miller: Well, for me, because i'm a confident woman and I love, who I am and I have so much self love I just said to him wow Thank you, but I love, who I am and I love my color I think I have a beautiful complexion Thank you.

00:09:23.790 --> 00:09:36.900 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: hmm what's what's interesting is is that perhaps if you were lighter skin you, you may not have the same beauty to him did that ever even occur in the conversation.

00:09:38.280 --> 00:09:46.110 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Chiquita, I know from talking with you that that's just one of many so take us back to childhood.

00:09:47.310 --> 00:09:52.890 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: To me a little bit about what was it like growing up as a darker skin woman.

00:09:53.430 --> 00:10:03.510 Schercitha Miller: Well um I was the darkest complexion of woman on my mom's side of the family, for the first cousins of the girls.

00:10:04.080 --> 00:10:15.840 Schercitha Miller: And so, by need in the darkness, I always felt like I was the outside child sort of speak and then growing up, I never understood the concept of.

00:10:16.410 --> 00:10:23.610 Schercitha Miller: When you take a bath and I understand it's still being done today that my mom used to place bleach and common in the water.

00:10:24.540 --> 00:10:40.980 Schercitha Miller: To see if I was going to become lighter or just scribble my skin I think she really didn't expect to have a dark conflicted child, but I mean hindsight of your husband start complex if you may have a dark complex child.

00:10:41.310 --> 00:10:42.930 Schercitha Miller: I need this just reality.

00:10:42.960 --> 00:10:56.220 Schercitha Miller: But so i've been through that i've been through things where other people have said, similar things about being more beautiful, if I were polite or conflicted or.

00:10:57.510 --> 00:11:06.540 Schercitha Miller: dark skinned at women aren't that smart you're going to have a hard time in life, I even had a cousin in South Carolina say to me.

00:11:07.260 --> 00:11:19.590 Schercitha Miller: When I relocated down to North Carolina is a transplant as we're called and he says well you're never get a management position down here because you're too dark and that's in the upper state of South Carolina.

00:11:20.190 --> 00:11:29.880 Schercitha Miller: So, and I was like really so if you tell me I can't do something I promise i'm going to do the opposite and color is not my barrier.

00:11:30.270 --> 00:11:49.290 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: um so so can we go back just for a minute to childhood and your mother, giving you baths and clorox and comment, and now we know that people have a lot of bleaching creams that they use, and that is quite common for folks to do that.

00:11:50.460 --> 00:11:52.620 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Were you aware, at the time.

00:11:53.730 --> 00:11:57.930 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: of her giving you these baths that she was trying to make you lighter.

00:11:58.560 --> 00:12:09.930 Schercitha Miller: Now, I was not aware of it at all, but I do remember and recalling when I was a child, that she did wish I was a lighter skinned.

00:12:11.040 --> 00:12:11.880 Schercitha Miller: daughter.

00:12:12.270 --> 00:12:12.660 i'm.

00:12:13.740 --> 00:12:14.250 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: to you.

00:12:14.880 --> 00:12:34.770 Schercitha Miller: Well, as I grow as i've grown older start getting older, because it was like if you had a lighter skin child with sorter curly care or whatever you know that was considered as a beautiful child it's kind of like the analogy of you, having a white down in the dark out.

00:12:35.040 --> 00:12:35.640 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Would you want a.

00:12:35.850 --> 00:12:39.180 Schercitha Miller: Child and to go through, and I think Ken Ken Clark did that.

00:12:39.480 --> 00:12:39.930 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: On.

00:12:40.260 --> 00:12:45.000 Schercitha Miller: The children went to the light and shine the light the white doll for the blacked out.

00:12:45.480 --> 00:12:54.120 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: So yes, in fact, in fact, with that study that Kenneth Clark study when they would ask the Child, which, which is the good dial in which is the bad.

00:12:54.120 --> 00:13:09.750 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: dog, they would always pick the white doll is the good dog and then the bad the black doll that's the back door, and then they would ask the question which one is most like you, and they would look and it's a very painful when you actually watch.

00:13:09.930 --> 00:13:21.990 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: As because you can see the child is there's a recognition that oh that looks like me, I must be bad and so those messages get steeped into us very early.

00:13:22.980 --> 00:13:37.470 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: about our self worth, in fact, but we're going to have to take a really quick break and when we come back, we will continue our conversation with stroke eat the Miller my guest today on dismantle racism i'm your host Reverend Dr tlc we'll be right back.

00:15:54.030 --> 00:16:11.850 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: i'm back with today's guests are Keith the Miller, she keep that we were talking before the break about some of your experiences growing up with being a dark skin woman and you talked about your experience with your mother wishing that you were a lighter skin.

00:16:13.080 --> 00:16:16.530 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: woman or girl, did you feel.

00:16:17.760 --> 00:16:34.290 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: At the time, any different than the other people, you know I know you have high self esteem now, but what was it like for you, especially being used at the darkest of all of your cousins did you ever feel any rejection or pain associated with it.

00:16:36.510 --> 00:16:37.500 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: I think you're muted.

00:16:40.770 --> 00:16:53.850 Schercitha Miller: yeah you have muted me, yes, I had one cousin who passed away in 2018 she and I were very closed, and she told me a story that I want to share.

00:16:54.540 --> 00:17:05.940 Schercitha Miller: happened in South Carolina when I was very young, I think she said, I was like two years old, and she is she may be a shade a lighter maybe two shades lighter than me.

00:17:06.630 --> 00:17:19.500 Schercitha Miller: And she said she was six and yeah she was six, and I think I was too, and she said that our family would not get near us because they said all don't let those kids touch us will get dirty.

00:17:21.180 --> 00:17:28.200 Schercitha Miller: So, and they would jump on the cars and stuff our uncles and stuff which up on the cars, because they didn't want us to touch them.

00:17:29.670 --> 00:17:30.360 Schercitha Miller: So.

00:17:30.900 --> 00:17:47.130 Schercitha Miller: I said to her, I said well how did you feel she said, I felt kind of bad, but what I did is I grabbed your hand and held you rotate because you were young so, and from that day on she's been like sort of she was like sort of the protector of.

00:17:48.480 --> 00:17:53.760 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: So what impact, do you think this has had, knowing that.

00:17:54.780 --> 00:18:13.920 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: folks considered you dirty those kids I won't say folks but those kids considered you dirty but you also receive those subtle messages growing up, that there was something wrong with darker skin what impact did it have on you even emotionally or psychologically.

00:18:14.670 --> 00:18:24.480 Schercitha Miller: I think growing up, I think, personally, I thought i'll say through elementary school I I felt like.

00:18:26.310 --> 00:18:37.470 Schercitha Miller: My self worth was not worth enough because I was not have lighter skin, because you know in school, you have the lighter skin girls with the long hair and.

00:18:37.770 --> 00:18:53.250 Schercitha Miller: And everybody would consider them so beautiful but then they will look at you as because you're darker or you don't have all the I want to say, not so much of the white features, but close to them.

00:18:54.330 --> 00:18:56.040 Schercitha Miller: They were prettier than you are.

00:18:56.310 --> 00:19:01.530 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: hmm And what about this i'm sorry continue statement.

00:19:01.530 --> 00:19:02.130 Schercitha Miller: Now go ahead.

00:19:03.180 --> 00:19:14.400 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: So so that's a little bit about how it impacted you, but now your self esteem has shot up, so what helped you to get past it because.

00:19:14.790 --> 00:19:25.020 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Because, just like you said, someone told you very recently that you wouldn't get a job because of darker skin so that means we still hold these things in our heads and.

00:19:25.020 --> 00:19:26.340 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: People still.

00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:35.130 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Talk about it, so what changed for you to say i'm not going to give in to that belief.

00:19:35.730 --> 00:19:40.380 Schercitha Miller: Well, you know what Dr every, believe it or not, my children did that.

00:19:41.100 --> 00:19:43.530 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: hmm how so yeah.

00:19:43.590 --> 00:19:52.350 Schercitha Miller: Because I always saw myself as I want to say dark black light the the.

00:19:53.640 --> 00:20:06.150 Schercitha Miller: Like the chalkboard sort of speak, or maybe even darker like tar and my kids were like mom, why do you keep thinking you're so dark because I always thought I was like that dark.

00:20:06.870 --> 00:20:07.560 Schercitha Miller: and

00:20:07.620 --> 00:20:20.220 Schercitha Miller: My kids said to me one day mom getting the mirror mirror so when Kevin and K RON said get in the mirror and we took a picture together, there was like mom look.

00:20:22.290 --> 00:20:24.030 Schercitha Miller: I was like wait a minute.

00:20:25.470 --> 00:20:37.050 Schercitha Miller: And my esteem just all of a sudden start shifting because I was like wait a minute I am a beautiful woman in my own skin.

00:20:37.410 --> 00:20:44.520 Schercitha Miller: i'm here, I give someone that much power to put me down to say that i'm this when i'm really that.

00:20:44.820 --> 00:20:49.110 Schercitha Miller: um no, I have to give the gratitude to my children.

00:20:49.530 --> 00:20:56.070 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: i'm wonderful that's a beautiful story and really it is so important for us in.

00:20:56.550 --> 00:21:02.070 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Particularly in the black Community because I can't speak for the other communities, I just know what happens in our Community.

00:21:02.490 --> 00:21:20.400 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: In terms of the ways in which we can devalue people even unintentionally and subtly and the media is always out there saying to us white is superior and, if you look like this, then it's pretty, and so we have to be extra conscious, I think.

00:21:20.700 --> 00:21:34.980 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: When we are talking with our children about what's beautiful, even when we're highlighting someone walking down the street saying oh they're beautiful but not saying someone else's I will never forget when.

00:21:36.210 --> 00:21:55.740 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: President Obama the night that he won and he was out on stage and um you know all the chairs and all of that going on, and so I was huddled in in bed with my husband and my two little ones at the time, and we were all excited.

00:21:56.970 --> 00:22:00.510 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: But even though it was late at night, they were in bed watching it with us.

00:22:01.290 --> 00:22:21.840 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: And then, when President Biden then Vice President Biden came out on stage with his grandchildren my husband commented on how beautiful the little girls for and my head spun around, and I said, but so Sasha and malia and it's not that he didn't think that they were beautiful.

00:22:23.100 --> 00:22:25.620 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: But the comments was about.

00:22:26.700 --> 00:22:34.770 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: The white girls and I knew enough to know, particularly in my line of work, how easily our.

00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:52.470 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Our sense of self can be deflated or inflated I quickly talked about the beauty of Sasha and malia because I knew that the image my girls needed to see and to compare themselves to with Sasha and malia and I think that.

00:22:53.130 --> 00:23:05.640 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: One of the things that happens with colorism is how we go in and we focus on that lighter skin to call it beautiful exactly yeah so I want to ask you about.

00:23:08.370 --> 00:23:21.600 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: So your mother honestly then didn't reinforce this concept that you were beautiful as a darker skinned woman so How has it impacted your relationship with your mother or did it at all.

00:23:22.260 --> 00:23:27.720 Schercitha Miller: um actually i've learned, as I was growing up my mother passed away when I was.

00:23:28.800 --> 00:23:50.640 Schercitha Miller: In my 20s and but before then before she passed away, I have to say that I kind of forgave her because I forgave her because I felt like this is something that was embedded in her and I found out also that my mom's family comes from Irish descent.

00:23:51.870 --> 00:24:05.640 Schercitha Miller: So being wider and being people who had various different color eyes and you know this was what was right to them at that time um was more acceptable.

00:24:05.970 --> 00:24:16.110 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: um I so appreciate you talking about what is embedded in us and it's lesson really for all of us and our listeners that.

00:24:16.680 --> 00:24:24.180 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: You know, to not hold on to to what folks didn't know that they were doing right right.

00:24:24.540 --> 00:24:35.250 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: You know my Angelo really, really, really talks about you know when we know better, we do better, and sometimes our older generation didn't know they just really were a part.

00:24:35.970 --> 00:24:43.830 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Of the system now that doesn't mean everybody, though, because I grew up in a household I didn't know my grandmother but.

00:24:45.090 --> 00:24:55.290 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: I I think my sister's one of my sisters in in particular is probably your complexion and she always talked about my grandmother, who was lights can always telling her how beautiful she was.

00:24:55.740 --> 00:25:07.050 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: And so I do know that there are people out there who tell their children, no matter the skin you're in you are beautiful but as a culture.

00:25:08.100 --> 00:25:24.210 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: We know how little we value darker skin sometimes that you can't help, but to get those messages that are there so i'm really grateful that you were able to be in this place of forgiveness, but also in a place of healing yourself.

00:25:24.720 --> 00:25:31.140 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Of the things that people say and do as it relates to that, I also think that.

00:25:33.030 --> 00:25:44.460 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: it's important for me to say that light skinned people don't always have it easy because i've talked to enough light skinned people who have felt the pain.

00:25:45.150 --> 00:25:52.050 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: of other black people saying well you just think you're right, you know, like and i'm talking about really, really light skinned.

00:25:52.860 --> 00:26:03.360 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: People and so they also feel rejected, so we really can't look at people and think Oh, just because you're lighter you have it better because.

00:26:03.870 --> 00:26:21.780 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: From what I understand and working with some of them is that I was never good enough for white people, and I was never black enough for black people and so we're doing a lot of damage to ourselves that's our culture.

00:26:22.080 --> 00:26:22.770 Schercitha Miller: Yes, because.

00:26:22.800 --> 00:26:33.600 Schercitha Miller: I have a close friend of Florida and she's very light skinned did, and she and I had a late night conversation one night, and when I was down here, and she was.

00:26:34.170 --> 00:26:47.190 Schercitha Miller: saying to me, we were having the same similar conversation, and she says for Keith for me, it was very difficult being very light skinned it because, as you stayed at Dr avery she wasn't good for either side.

00:26:48.450 --> 00:26:51.240 Schercitha Miller: I always felt like I didn't belong anywhere.

00:26:52.950 --> 00:26:55.860 Schercitha Miller: didn't want to accept me because they said I was too light.

00:26:56.310 --> 00:27:03.840 Schercitha Miller: And really black and then whites were saying I was too dark and I wasn't really white and I was like wow.

00:27:04.260 --> 00:27:05.370 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: um and.

00:27:05.820 --> 00:27:14.130 Schercitha Miller: But I said, but it doesn't matter what they've said you're still a beautiful woman and I consider you a beautiful black woman.

00:27:15.840 --> 00:27:19.530 Schercitha Miller: um I just embrace every time I see her.

00:27:19.920 --> 00:27:26.160 Schercitha Miller: Yes, we have to not tear each other down because of our skin tone, we have to continually.

00:27:26.550 --> 00:27:34.860 Schercitha Miller: continuously lift each other up so by me even like sometime i'm in the lower part of South Carolina and you and I talked about that.

00:27:35.250 --> 00:27:51.780 Schercitha Miller: And a lot of the women from the charleston area and lower very dark complex women now these women are absolutely beautiful black women absolutely but their self esteem.

00:27:53.190 --> 00:28:03.540 Schercitha Miller: seems to like being torn down some some of them that i've met and the first thing I see is oh my God What a beautiful woman you grow, you are beautiful.

00:28:03.570 --> 00:28:04.200 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: You know and.

00:28:04.470 --> 00:28:08.640 Schercitha Miller: that's, the first thing I let a woman, no I don't care where you are a girl you got it.

00:28:08.820 --> 00:28:10.260 Schercitha Miller: You know I nails like.

00:28:10.290 --> 00:28:26.700 Schercitha Miller: tricky thing you're so funny I said girl I you better go ahead, you got it, you have a magazine me to continuously because, even though I was torn down I don't have that ability or that heart within me to tear down someone else.

00:28:27.000 --> 00:28:29.700 Schercitha Miller: I am going to continuously embracing.

00:28:29.730 --> 00:28:48.750 Schercitha Miller: Up lift now, we were going back to my childhood, I want to say, and I have to give kudos to an ox my mom sister, who is also almost star conflicted as I am, and she says to me, the one that least we thought would make it is the one succeeding, the most.

00:28:50.550 --> 00:28:57.060 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: uh huh wow you know that's a it's beautiful and sad, at the same time.

00:28:57.270 --> 00:29:03.960 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: uh huh that we place someone's ability, a we kind of.

00:29:05.250 --> 00:29:14.160 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: decide what someone's ability is based on the color of their skin and what's sad about, that is because that happens as it relates to.

00:29:14.550 --> 00:29:22.920 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: The ways in which white people often see us and treat us as well and we're doing it within our own race we're believing the height.

00:29:23.610 --> 00:29:29.970 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: That if you're darker you're not smart you're not capable you're you can only do certain things.

00:29:30.360 --> 00:29:38.490 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: we're going to have to take a break, but we're going to be right back with my guest today should keep the Miller, and when we come back i'd like to dig a little bit into.

00:29:39.030 --> 00:29:47.520 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: relationships and colorism when we come back I am your host Reverend Dr tlc this is dismantle racism we'll be right back.

00:29:50.370 --> 00:29:53.760 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: On informed about menopause and how it impacts on your life.

00:32:19.350 --> 00:32:42.270 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: We are back with dismantle racism my guest today is to keep the Miller, she keep that before the break, we were talking about colorism and I wanted to ask you a question about how did being darker skin impact your relationships, but your romantic relationships in particular.

00:32:46.410 --> 00:32:47.940 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: And unmute yourself, please.

00:32:52.620 --> 00:33:03.720 Schercitha Miller: i'm sorry um I think that it impacted me arm my relationships dearly I can recall several times that.

00:33:04.890 --> 00:33:13.320 Schercitha Miller: My ex husband would say things like you know dark or you know say.

00:33:14.520 --> 00:33:17.460 Schercitha Miller: Harsh words like monkey and.

00:33:18.630 --> 00:33:29.790 Schercitha Miller: And then he showed me that a lot of the women that he had affairs with were light skinned women with wavy here.

00:33:30.360 --> 00:33:31.860 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: sort of yeah.

00:33:33.360 --> 00:33:36.210 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: And I would imagine that didn't do much for yourself a scene.

00:33:37.200 --> 00:33:41.280 Schercitha Miller: At the end, the beginning, but then I was like Oh, you can have them.

00:33:44.400 --> 00:33:49.440 Schercitha Miller: And the beginning it didn't do too much, because then I was thinking more or less of myself.

00:33:49.920 --> 00:33:54.120 Schercitha Miller: But then I learned that within time that.

00:33:55.170 --> 00:33:57.030 Schercitha Miller: i'm love me.

00:33:57.570 --> 00:33:57.930 huh.

00:33:59.460 --> 00:34:00.570 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: huh we.

00:34:00.600 --> 00:34:09.870 Schercitha Miller: have to, we have to come to a place within ourselves that you don't give someone that much power over you, no matter how much they try to tear you down because.

00:34:11.370 --> 00:34:13.080 Schercitha Miller: make you feel self worth.

00:34:13.560 --> 00:34:23.970 Schercitha Miller: know if you're in a relationship where someone is making you feel self worth your self worth isn't worthy then that's something that you need to consider to move out of.

00:34:24.450 --> 00:34:27.120 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Right right because I always say.

00:34:27.360 --> 00:34:28.590 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: We get to choose.

00:34:28.710 --> 00:34:29.640 Schercitha Miller: Right, we can choose to.

00:34:29.760 --> 00:34:31.290 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: stay in those relationships.

00:34:31.680 --> 00:34:46.740 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: and have that experience or we can choose to walk out of it, but I want to say this, though, if you already believe that you are unworthy and particularly if your ex husband was a lighter skin met man.

00:34:46.950 --> 00:34:48.090 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: We know that some people.

00:34:48.090 --> 00:34:51.180 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: feel like oh i've reached the goal, because I have a light skin.

00:34:51.540 --> 00:34:52.020 Schercitha Miller: Oh yeah.

00:34:52.080 --> 00:34:56.790 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Partner now, and they are willing to stay in it and deal with whatever.

00:34:58.050 --> 00:35:07.800 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Now counter to that because I always want to give both sides they're also the cases of where a darker skin man could marry a lighter skin woman.

00:35:08.460 --> 00:35:20.700 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: And then treat her like dirt because of their own issue so i've heard both sides of this and I think the point that in talking about colorism today, I know that.

00:35:21.780 --> 00:35:33.510 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: People who are darker skin don't want to hear the other side, sometimes as it relates to lighter skin, because they will say, are you saying that they had a hard time, just like I did.

00:35:34.020 --> 00:35:42.990 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: I think what happens sometimes when we talk about racism and when we talk about oppression people begin to compare their victimization.

00:35:43.500 --> 00:35:51.750 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: There is no hierarchy on victimization and we need to understand that, but we need to understand, especially.

00:35:52.410 --> 00:35:56.850 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: i'm talking now in the African American Community, but I believe it to be the case in other.

00:35:57.660 --> 00:36:10.950 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Communities of color, we need to especially understand that this is a part of white supremacy white being considered supreme when we get into these arguments about skin color.

00:36:11.250 --> 00:36:22.050 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: It is really important for us just to embrace one another and it doesn't only happen, I know we're talking about colorism, but there are other ways in which.

00:36:23.070 --> 00:36:35.730 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: We feed into internalized racism, one is often around language if we don't speak a certain way, or if we do speak a certain way will say, well, why are you talking white.

00:36:36.570 --> 00:36:37.440 Schercitha Miller: Oh, my God.

00:36:40.530 --> 00:36:41.520 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Did I hit a nerve.

00:36:41.790 --> 00:36:53.970 Schercitha Miller: Oh, my gosh so let me share this with you when I first came to North Carolina I was so excited I was elated because it was like oh my gosh i'm around all these.

00:36:54.480 --> 00:37:08.280 Schercitha Miller: black people and all these hbc us and all of this, so when I started working and they were like you don't fit with us, and I was like.

00:37:08.730 --> 00:37:28.380 Schercitha Miller: Excuse me now i'm elated because i'm like oh my gosh and they said you sound too white um so I had to say, to someone what is sounding so white, because every white person does not have proper language and every white person is not.

00:37:29.400 --> 00:37:34.290 Schercitha Miller: Does not announce the words, the same so what you're talking about what is sounding white.

00:37:35.430 --> 00:37:35.790 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: hmm.

00:37:36.030 --> 00:37:37.620 Schercitha Miller: I like oprah I was like.

00:37:40.650 --> 00:37:44.490 Schercitha Miller: I was just like I was I just I couldn't believe it I.

00:37:44.790 --> 00:37:46.950 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: think one of the things that happens is.

00:37:47.670 --> 00:38:00.090 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: folks also don't understand different dialects it's because in the northeast you sound differently than you sound in the south and etc, but I think that is also a misnomer that black people do not speak.

00:38:01.590 --> 00:38:05.880 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Either standard English or the king's English because here's the thing.

00:38:07.170 --> 00:38:15.900 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: To be quite frank, I actually heard a white woman just very recently to really talk about that.

00:38:16.680 --> 00:38:25.650 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: The speaking white thing is a language of the the oppressor because, why is it that white standards again are considered.

00:38:26.520 --> 00:38:38.880 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: The standard why couldn't it be a southern dialect why couldn't it be ebonics, for instance we've decided what was best, but I want to say, from an educational place.

00:38:39.420 --> 00:38:48.690 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: When we talk about people sounding white or when we talk about people who have multiple degrees, or perhaps people who are just very smart.

00:38:49.080 --> 00:38:56.310 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: And we say that there, they are emulating what it means to be white we are really devaluing the contributions.

00:38:56.640 --> 00:39:13.770 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: of African people in this world, people who come from the African diaspora, because it is my understanding, not to go back and check this fact, but as my understanding that the first university was started in Africa and was the University of Timbuktu and they had.

00:39:14.970 --> 00:39:28.650 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Multiple languages that were spoken there, and if we really want to get back to it, history has shown us that the first person was of African descent So what are we really saying when we say that.

00:39:29.160 --> 00:39:39.600 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: whiteness is what supreme and if you are not engaging in something that signifies that that that you're less than and so to me.

00:39:40.020 --> 00:39:57.510 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: that's a part of what internalized racism is all about not being able to value our culture to value there's a way that I speak when i'm something that not not every black person, but I love being bicultural because I can go into.

00:39:57.600 --> 00:40:06.330 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: As speaking in a comfortable dialect when I want to i'm still you know conjugating my subjects and verbs but there's a flavor.

00:40:06.840 --> 00:40:21.720 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: In my language that is not present when I might be engaging with like a white colleague now my white friends, you know we listen, I am, who I am, but I think again there's a danger.

00:40:22.800 --> 00:40:28.650 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: In deciding, and I know that there are people out here who would disagree with me, probably some people in my family who are listening.

00:40:29.100 --> 00:40:51.840 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: But there's a danger in deciding that I must speak the king's English or a standard English at all times to be considered, you know intelligent or worthy, because I know people who may not know how to conjugate their subjects and verbs, but they are smart as a whip exactly.

00:40:53.430 --> 00:40:54.630 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: yeah and.

00:40:54.660 --> 00:41:05.670 Schercitha Miller: When i'm with my when i'm with women black women there's one woman that I just met recently and she's in her doctoral degree to for business administration.

00:41:06.120 --> 00:41:20.910 Schercitha Miller: Now you would never believe that you see us, you will never believe, like morale for dinner that we are like two students in a doctoral degree in both have you know most of duel masters and we sit there and we're just like girls.

00:41:21.150 --> 00:41:23.790 Schercitha Miller: Because, sometimes we need to just be us.

00:41:23.970 --> 00:41:34.620 Schercitha Miller: You know, like you just say if I need to to have a conversation where i'm in a society where you know okay I gotta act more professional and but sometime I just want to be me.

00:41:35.040 --> 00:41:35.550 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: You know.

00:41:35.880 --> 00:41:40.320 Schercitha Miller: You have to be, and she and I we just like we just kick it and I love it.

00:41:40.830 --> 00:41:41.160 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: You know.

00:41:41.490 --> 00:41:45.540 Schercitha Miller: And when I go see to go and i'm visiting various different States.

00:41:47.160 --> 00:41:56.520 Schercitha Miller: And I meet people say like frontline staff or something I need them i'm like God you doing you know and people appreciate you.

00:41:56.580 --> 00:42:02.190 Schercitha Miller: Because you're not trying to be as they say so above them i'm not above anyone.

00:42:02.610 --> 00:42:02.910 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: um.

00:42:03.210 --> 00:42:04.500 Schercitha Miller: I think that way.

00:42:05.130 --> 00:42:14.430 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: And I think what you're saying is, and this is important because it's important for those who are in corporations to understand that when you are one.

00:42:15.090 --> 00:42:26.730 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: of any particular community there there's a need to have someone with whom you can connect and so when another person of color comes in.

00:42:27.360 --> 00:42:38.460 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: there's a ease and a flow of the conversation that you can have that you can just relax a minute so for most people of color we're the only one in any group.

00:42:39.300 --> 00:42:53.550 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: there's this need that we have to perform at a certain level and we can't let our guard down, I mean I remember when I was in graduate school, I was one of 26 people in my class and I was always just.

00:42:54.300 --> 00:43:08.070 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Very serious usually in class or or you know, the people who I was closest with that laugh and have fun and I just remember folks saying you need to lighten up, you need to let go and I would just think honey you just don't even know me and you won't.

00:43:09.480 --> 00:43:21.390 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Because my life outside of here is that your business, but when I was saying, with my friends, then, because the idea is I don't have to be judged by you, but.

00:43:22.440 --> 00:43:34.620 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Do you want to say because we're talking about internalized racism, it is not just white people who have that attitude about us and we, as a culture.

00:43:35.130 --> 00:43:48.450 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: have to be okay with other folks who do not fit a mold that's based on white standards we have to be careful that we don't brush them aside too quickly.

00:43:49.140 --> 00:43:59.610 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: and be able to embrace one another, we have to be careful with our children that we're not steering them along the path where they have to act, a certain way.

00:43:59.910 --> 00:44:13.710 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: prim and proper and a lot of this is steeped in our culture, rape, even even when I went to Howard university I would remember people talking about the paper bag tests, you know.

00:44:14.400 --> 00:44:15.810 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: les brown paper bag.

00:44:15.840 --> 00:44:34.320 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: To ask the color of that brown paper bag, then you could get in this organization, if you were not now of course we didn't do what they didn't do it in the organization, I belong to, but it was a conversation right so we're we're gonna have to take a quick break so.

00:44:34.320 --> 00:44:36.630 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: I thought, when we come back if you want to.

00:44:36.630 --> 00:44:43.890 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: say something about that we will my guest today is to keep the Miller we'll be right back on dismantle racism.

00:47:17.580 --> 00:47:21.630 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: We are back with dismantle racism i'm your host Reverend Dr.

00:47:21.630 --> 00:47:33.600 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: tlc my guest today is should keep the Miller should keep the as we are winding down I had just mentioned something about the brown paper bag, did you want to make a comment about that.

00:47:36.330 --> 00:47:36.930 Schercitha Miller: Yes.

00:47:38.550 --> 00:47:39.780 Schercitha Miller: I have heard that.

00:47:41.220 --> 00:47:51.210 Schercitha Miller: analogy a lot about the brown paper bag and if you were not of you are darker than the paper bag, then you don't fit you don't fit.

00:47:53.550 --> 00:47:55.200 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: yeah yeah.

00:47:55.410 --> 00:48:04.080 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: yeah it's amazing what we do in our culture in you know getting back to even what you were saying about relationships.

00:48:05.790 --> 00:48:22.830 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: People sometimes wouldn't select anyone to marry if they were darker than the paper bag The other thing is sometimes when people would see folks who seem like they were the opposite in terms of skin color.

00:48:23.730 --> 00:48:33.570 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Well, they they seem like they were opposites just based on the skin color but their values may have been the same people will say Oh, how did they get that person or how did they get together.

00:48:34.500 --> 00:48:55.920 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: You know, as if they were not meant to be together, I want to just ask you you've you've said a little bit about this already, but what would you say to encourage people who had difficulties with colorism and what would you say just to their their families, by way of.

00:48:57.330 --> 00:49:00.180 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Being supporters and encourage their children.

00:49:02.340 --> 00:49:15.480 Schercitha Miller: I would say to any parent embrace your child for who they are tell them every day, every night anytime you can think about it, how much you love them tell them how beautiful, they are in their skin.

00:49:16.320 --> 00:49:31.830 Schercitha Miller: On my grand son is very light complex it and it's so funny and people were thinking that he was a biracial child and he is fart he is not and.

00:49:33.150 --> 00:49:39.780 Schercitha Miller: I say to him all the time how how handsome I go hi handsome you know how are you i'm.

00:49:40.440 --> 00:49:51.030 Schercitha Miller: I use those kind of words, because those words weren't shared with me anyone knows me knows that the first thing I say to employees and stuff I always say how beautiful, how are you today.

00:49:51.570 --> 00:50:02.010 Schercitha Miller: And I don't care what color you are because sometimes we never know what was said to a person that you can change that whole dynamic of their day.

00:50:02.460 --> 00:50:03.660 Schercitha Miller: i'm a.

00:50:03.930 --> 00:50:05.970 Schercitha Miller: Okay, I was told I was beautiful.

00:50:06.210 --> 00:50:07.230 Schercitha Miller: You know, oh.

00:50:07.650 --> 00:50:13.770 Schercitha Miller: So I say to any parent again always encouraged beauty always let your child knows.

00:50:14.250 --> 00:50:22.470 Schercitha Miller: Saying if they did two plus two, and they made a mistake and said five don't beat that child up about the five let them know you know what baby.

00:50:22.890 --> 00:50:36.960 Schercitha Miller: let's Riyadh this again we got to, we have to it's for and reward them look at my handsome child look at my beautiful daughter I knew, you were smart never tear down the trial because it starts when they're small.

00:50:37.230 --> 00:50:52.620 Schercitha Miller: Right and you have to be encouraging as a as a parent that's one thing I have to say and not patting myself on the back, I will never tear my children down because I always felt that you are who you are you're your own self worth.

00:50:53.070 --> 00:50:53.340 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: hmm.

00:50:53.610 --> 00:50:57.540 Schercitha Miller: you're not in love with yourself don't expect to give love to someone else.

00:50:59.190 --> 00:51:08.970 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Chiquita i'm wondering, though let's go back to something that you said, those are really important words for parents, but I wonder what you would say to.

00:51:09.570 --> 00:51:16.530 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Employers because you said, someone told you you'll never get hired because of your dark skin.

00:51:16.830 --> 00:51:30.570 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: And the thing about implicit biases is that people don't know what they don't know and they don't realize that you're discriminating against someone because of the color of their skin what words, would you have for employers.

00:51:31.920 --> 00:51:34.620 Schercitha Miller: I would say to employers.

00:51:36.510 --> 00:51:51.630 Schercitha Miller: Do not judge, just like some people say that because of your name a lot of employers row the name in the in the garbage if this sounds like say similar to my name or to someone else's name may throw it in well that's racism.

00:51:52.740 --> 00:52:03.480 Schercitha Miller: Because you're racist show and racism against your name I would say to an employer don't judge a woman or man, because the color of their skin.

00:52:03.750 --> 00:52:13.380 Schercitha Miller: Now i'm not even saying just black people in general but i'm saying people overall because racism is not just in just the black community.

00:52:13.710 --> 00:52:25.080 Schercitha Miller: I mean the Latino family of the Latino culture is very is gone through a huge dynamic of racism, of being lighter, especially in the Cuban environment.

00:52:25.980 --> 00:52:36.780 Schercitha Miller: So I would say just a person for who they are see what they're bringing to the table don't just say to them Oh well, she's too dark or she's too light judge them for them.

00:52:37.290 --> 00:52:38.640 Schercitha Miller: Understand that person.

00:52:38.910 --> 00:52:41.460 Schercitha Miller: Do that into when you're interviewing that person.

00:52:42.630 --> 00:52:51.450 Schercitha Miller: don't judge them by books, when I was in management, the first thing I wanted to know is, I want to know about you tell me about you.

00:52:51.930 --> 00:53:05.910 Schercitha Miller: I couldn't see the colors of who that person was, I just wanted to know about them, I didn't care of your light skin dark skin Hispanic Asian I didn't care what color, but I wanted to know about you, what are you bringing to the table.

00:53:06.510 --> 00:53:09.540 Schercitha Miller: Because your color doesn't define what you're going to bring.

00:53:09.900 --> 00:53:15.690 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: um you know it's interesting sookie because when you when you talk something else comes up.

00:53:17.490 --> 00:53:35.400 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: And then I was thinking about this idea that you're talking about what happens in the Latin X community, I have always found people from the islands, who will say we don't have those issues here at particularly if they were you know I remember, I had a friend.

00:53:36.690 --> 00:53:48.750 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Who was for Dr and she said, oh no we don't ours isn't about raises more about class socio economic status the truth of the matter is, it is always about raised, because the people who tend to be.

00:53:49.110 --> 00:53:56.160 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: And in the most impoverished areas are often the darker skinned people and i've found that no matter where.

00:53:56.400 --> 00:54:04.980 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: I travel that there's always you know when I was in India on the billboards lighter skin Indians, there were not people who look like me.

00:54:05.280 --> 00:54:15.510 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: And so, when when we when we want to talk about oh it's about class and not race most definitely there's an intersection ality but.

00:54:15.960 --> 00:54:29.250 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: This color of our skin and race does play a part in it the other thing that we did not have an opportunity to talk about today, so if any of our listeners are out there and interested in being on the show to have a discussion about this.

00:54:29.640 --> 00:54:41.010 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: I would love to know, is it different for a black male versus a black woman or any other person of color is it different.

00:54:41.940 --> 00:54:51.390 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: For you, your experiences, do you grow up feeling less than do you enter into a job situation feeling like people are going to be hostile.

00:54:51.630 --> 00:54:59.370 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: You know, towards you or not hire you so if you're out there and you're interested in this conversation, please connect with me.

00:54:59.790 --> 00:55:17.730 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: I would love love love to have this conversation on the show we are drawing close to our time to say goodbye sure keep it, are there any final words that you would like to say to us and then i'd like you, if you were to just offer us a blessing to end the show with today.

00:55:18.600 --> 00:55:25.770 Schercitha Miller: The worst that I like to say is I there's the author Jasper mcbride and he always in the book is about the color of water.

00:55:26.790 --> 00:55:29.400 Schercitha Miller: When we think about the color of water, there is no color.

00:55:30.630 --> 00:55:35.160 Schercitha Miller: It is about just being drinking that water that's clear and we all drink from it.

00:55:35.910 --> 00:55:40.800 Schercitha Miller: So need to come together as one and think of color water, which is.

00:55:42.150 --> 00:55:52.650 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Beautiful beautiful and to me, that means that we all need one another, we need to embrace one another, I do want to say to our guest today that.

00:55:54.210 --> 00:56:05.250 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: If you're interested in learning more about colorism or if you're interested in just waking up more to racism internalized racism racism in general.

00:56:06.060 --> 00:56:18.300 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: I do offer programs that brings bring us into this awareness, but also designed to eradicate racism that's what this show is about bringing you into awareness, because the more you know.

00:56:18.690 --> 00:56:26.880 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: The more you are able to act and to dismantle racism, we need to be able to uncover it so if you want to know more about.

00:56:27.450 --> 00:56:33.690 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: My programs, please do look at my website sacred

00:56:34.350 --> 00:56:51.900 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: And also subscribe to the show tell your friends about the show and let's get this conversation going in order to join a movement to dismantle racism should keep that Thank you so much for me on the show, is there any way that people.

00:56:52.680 --> 00:56:57.270 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: can connect with you, or would you like them to connect with you, through reaching the show.

00:56:57.510 --> 00:56:58.860 Schercitha Miller: Reaching through the show.

00:56:59.190 --> 00:57:02.550 Schercitha Miller: As reach out Thank you so much.

00:57:02.700 --> 00:57:10.290 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Thank you for your willingness to just come on and talk about something that's so so deeply personal I do appreciate you.

00:57:10.380 --> 00:57:11.910 Schercitha Miller: Thank you, I appreciate you.

00:57:12.600 --> 00:57:20.400 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Thank you to my listeners, and I do want to invite you to stay tuned to the conscious consultant hour with Sam leibowitz.

00:57:20.640 --> 00:57:33.750 Rev. Dr. Terrlyn Curry Avery: Where Sam helps you to walk through life with the greatest ease and joy, this is dismantle racism on your host the Reverend Dr tlc be well being cursed be blessed see you next time.

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