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Extra Innings

Monday, March 1, 2021
1
Mar
Facebook Live Video from 2021/03/01 - Revealing Schizophrenia with Randye Kaye

 
Facebook Live Video from 2021/03/01 - Revealing Schizophrenia with Randye Kaye

 

2021/03/01 - Revealing Schizophrenia with Randye Kaye

[NEW EPISODE] Revealing Schizophrenia with Randye Kaye

Randye Kaye makes her living as an actress - if you stretch to include voiceovers, writing, podcasts, radio, and public speaking. Her presentation topics fall under three main umbrellas: Happier Made Simple (Power of Words), Human Connection (Power of Kinship) and Serious Mental Illness in the Family (Power of Love). She is the author of Ben Behind His Voices: One Family’s Journey from the Chaos of Schizophrenia to Hope, and creator/co-host of two podcasts: The Life Talk Show and Schizophrenia: Three Moms in the Trenches.


Tune in for this important conversation at TalkRadio.nyc or watch the Facebook Livestream by clicking here.


Show Notes

Segment 1

Albert Dabah introduces tonight's special guest Randye Kaye and tonight’s podcast title “ Revealing Schizophrenia.” Albert states that tonight's show is going to be about mental illness, especially schizophrenia. Randye Kaye makes her living as an actress. She is the author of “ Ben Behind His Voices: One Family’s Journey From The Chaos of Schizophrenia.” At the age of 15 Randye son started developing symptoms of schizophrenia. Randye mentions that schizophrenia starts to grow and develop in the teen years of boys. Randye also mentions that she did a lot of research to find out what was wrong with her son. Randye's son got sent to rehab a couple of times and took many medications in his teen years. I started writing my book when my son was 25 and published it when he was 28, Randye uttered. “ Ben” Randye son loves to help people and that’s why he works as a restaurant server Randye tells Albert and the listeners.

Segment 2

Albert’s older brother dropped out of High School when he was 15 years old and Albert 3 years old. The only subject Albert and his brother got the chance to talk about was Baseball. They only talked about Baseball because Albert’s older brother who died over suicide loved and enjoyed playing Baseball. Albert remarks that one of his sisters did not want him to publish his film “ Extra Innings” because then her grandkids would never get married. Albert also mentions that his older sister always encourages him to play Baseball and to keep chasing his dreams. Albert uttered that his favorite part of the film ( Extra Innings) was when the little kid told his father “ You don’t even know me…” because it brought a lot of emotions and old memories to the table. Before the section ended Randye tells Albert and the listeners that when her son dropped out of High School he told her that he wanted to be a writer.

Segment 3

Albert asks Randye how is her daughter doing with all of this going on? Randye responds by saying that her daughter loves him and that she will always look up to him. And after schizophrenia hit things got really weird. It was really hard for her because he has always been there for her and always by her side but she had told her mom ( Randye) a couple of times that now she is the big sister and that is her turn now to take good care of him. Randye uttered that schizophrenia has taken everything from her son. Later on Randye mentions that schizophrenia has positive and negative thoughts and actions. Randye made the important decision as a mother to send her son to a group residence of rehab to help him develop the same mind and way of thinking he had before. “My mission is to help my son get back on his feet” Randye uttered.

Segment 4

“How do you support yourself from all of this?” Albert aks Randye. The idea was to hide it all inside the closet due to all of the stigma that was going on. Randye likes to do a lot of research when she is dealing with a family that is dealing with mental illness. “ A” is for acceptance, “ R” is for respect, “ C” is for communication skills, and “ H” is for hope and humor, Randye mentioned. Albert remembers that there was one time he experienced a glimpse or humor between him and his brother before he died. Randye tells Albert and the listeners that you don’t hear a lot about schizophrenia until something bad really happens. Albert and Randye discussed that everyone believes that if you removed the stigma of schizophrenia everything will run perfectly. Before the podcasts ended Albert thanked Randye for her story and her son “Ben's Story."


Transcript

00:00:53.820 --> 00:01:04.530 Albert Dabah: hi there, my name is Albert dabba and I am the host of extra innings covering all the bases, I am a therapist life coach and film producer.

00:01:05.070 --> 00:01:11.940 Albert Dabah: On tonight's show of extra innings will we be talking about our mental health and specific specifically about schizophrenia.

00:01:12.510 --> 00:01:27.420 Albert Dabah: and how it affects society and, in particular, how it affects families extra innings was actually began as a film project that I started to write many years ago and through my production company Simba productions produce the film.

00:01:28.860 --> 00:01:52.440 Albert Dabah: I directed the film and I acted in the film as well, and it is now available on Amazon prime so on tonight's show we have randi kaye Randy is an actress who I met several years ago at an awareness event and she spoke beautifully about her experience with her family about schizophrenia.

00:01:54.000 --> 00:02:04.800 Albert Dabah: Randy has also an author of some books, she does voiceovers podcasts and she'll tell you all the rest Randy how are you tonight.

00:02:05.460 --> 00:02:12.180 Randye Kaye: i'm good, how are you I just dropped a five year old off at her mother's house and tone to be here.

00:02:12.630 --> 00:02:14.280 Albert Dabah: so that you can make it.

00:02:14.520 --> 00:02:16.650 Randye Kaye: yeah i'm glad to be here glad to be here.

00:02:17.010 --> 00:02:30.300 Albert Dabah: So um we spoke, the other day about being on the show and I hadn't spoken to in a while and you gave me a little bit of an update specifically about your son, we talked about.

00:02:31.530 --> 00:02:34.470 Albert Dabah: Who you wrote a book about called.

00:02:35.820 --> 00:02:38.520 Albert Dabah: I haven't hit been behind his voice there it is.

00:02:38.550 --> 00:02:39.420 Randye Kaye: yeah it is.

00:02:39.540 --> 00:02:41.520 Randye Kaye: Yes, the paperback book came out.

00:02:41.610 --> 00:02:44.550 Albert Dabah: hey how many when did you write the book, how long ago was that.

00:02:44.610 --> 00:02:48.000 Randye Kaye: it's actually this summer, will be the 10th anniversary of the book.

00:02:48.060 --> 00:02:54.930 Randye Kaye: wow I know it's crazy and I can't remember when your awareness event was, but I know the book was.

00:02:55.350 --> 00:02:59.490 Randye Kaye: You have selling and we had been aware of each other and the voiceover yelled.

00:02:59.520 --> 00:03:02.040 Randye Kaye: Somehow I don't think we ever worked together but.

00:03:02.520 --> 00:03:09.900 Randye Kaye: We were just talking before I don't remember how we found each other, but I was delighted to be part of it, because I know of your story and.

00:03:10.320 --> 00:03:25.020 Randye Kaye: It was just exciting to be in on the ground floor of this beautiful beautiful film if you haven't watched it watch it on Amazon prime it's so moving and just a beautiful independent film I highly recommend it on so many levels.

00:03:25.260 --> 00:03:28.230 Albert Dabah: Thank you really Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.

00:03:29.460 --> 00:03:39.000 Albert Dabah: i'd like to maybe we can begin tonight by maybe talking about your book and why you wrote the book I know it's about your son, and you can enlighten the.

00:03:39.600 --> 00:03:49.290 Albert Dabah: The the audience about schizophrenia, and what what is that all about, because I think it's a it's kind of a word, sometimes I find myself getting tongue tied when I even say it.

00:03:50.100 --> 00:04:01.590 Albert Dabah: And I had my brother was good so frantic as well, and so I know something about it, and maybe you can begin by telling us your story and your family about.

00:04:02.610 --> 00:04:05.610 Albert Dabah: Your book and why you why you wrote it and we'll go from there.

00:04:05.670 --> 00:04:26.430 Randye Kaye: Sure, thank you, I knew nothing about it, I had no mental illness anywhere in my family I knew nothing about schizophrenia, all I knew was that I have a son and a daughter, and my son is older and he started to in perspective time wives he's 38 now so when he was about 15.

00:04:27.540 --> 00:04:47.640 Randye Kaye: He is started to have some problems now many adolescent boys have problems, and if you were to line up symptoms of adolescent angsty and early symptoms of schizophrenia, it could line up like I just thought I had a troubled teen on my hands a good kid a sweet kid but.

00:04:49.140 --> 00:04:51.960 Randye Kaye: grade started to slip and.

00:04:53.610 --> 00:05:06.300 Randye Kaye: He started to not want to go to school, he started to get withdrawn again if you've had a teenager yeah so what but you grew up with it in your family, so all you knew was your brother.

00:05:06.570 --> 00:05:12.270 Randye Kaye: The way he was this was my son, who was a straight a student hundred and 48 IQ.

00:05:12.600 --> 00:05:22.200 Randye Kaye: Was the Johns Hopkins scholar in seventh grade everyone said he's going to go to Yale law school and support you, even though I was a single parent raising them.

00:05:22.560 --> 00:05:33.510 Randye Kaye: I really I was doing a really good job, but who knew that brain illness would come and steal my son from me, we had a very angsty high school experience and just.

00:05:34.080 --> 00:05:47.220 Randye Kaye: When my friends kids were getting better my son was getting worse, I later learned that schizophrenia in males typically comes as a gradual onset which begins, often in the in the mid teens.

00:05:47.640 --> 00:06:01.380 Randye Kaye: And what it looks like to them, I can only guess, but I feel that he was starting to hear voices and he was starting to get paranoid, and he will never say that he will never admit that I don't think he is aware of it, or has insight into it.

00:06:02.280 --> 00:06:14.280 Randye Kaye: But my social and wonderful son started to get more withdrawn he ended up transferring high schools, then dropping out of high school then refusing to shower then.

00:06:14.940 --> 00:06:24.690 Randye Kaye: Writing reams and reams of poetry that made increasingly less sense as it went on, and not knowing anything about it.

00:06:25.350 --> 00:06:33.480 Randye Kaye: And that's a lot of my book is about those early years because had I understood schizophrenia and known about early detection, I might have.

00:06:34.440 --> 00:06:45.390 Randye Kaye: been able to step in sooner I just thought Oh, you know it's called normalizing a lot of families do it oh what am I doing wrong as a parent what drug is he using is he using drugs.

00:06:45.930 --> 00:06:50.280 Randye Kaye: Maybe I just need to give him some space and he'll hit bottom and figure it out for himself.

00:06:50.850 --> 00:06:59.730 Randye Kaye: So I did all those things that I thought would fix the problem, including sending him to a troubled teen program which he loved but there was still something quite off.

00:07:00.180 --> 00:07:09.150 Randye Kaye: skip ahead and include five months wandering homeless and Idaho because everyone told me, let him hit bottom there's a something called tough love.

00:07:09.690 --> 00:07:17.970 Randye Kaye: And I began to learn and I began to consult people and I began to read up about mental illness and schizophrenia, and what it might be.

00:07:18.240 --> 00:07:23.550 Randye Kaye: And it became increasingly clear that my son had a brain illness not stubbornness, not a drug problem.

00:07:24.120 --> 00:07:33.900 Randye Kaye: But when your son calls you and says, I think there are a psychic vampires here and they're stealing my soul, you can either say what kind of drug is he on or what is happening to his brain.

00:07:36.210 --> 00:07:49.890 Randye Kaye: I sent for him, he came home and we went through a period of medication roulette what might work what might not work, he was very, very reluctant, but I was clear to him that he could not come home unless he was willing to cooperate.

00:07:51.000 --> 00:08:00.660 Randye Kaye: And we went through a few years of figuring out what was wrong what might work and really waiting for him to be sick enough to go to the hospital because.

00:08:01.860 --> 00:08:10.290 Randye Kaye: that's where the healing can begin it took a long time, and a lot seven jobs in one year that he got and lost.

00:08:11.310 --> 00:08:13.290 Randye Kaye: Because he can handle it for a day or two.

00:08:14.910 --> 00:08:28.770 Randye Kaye: And in 2003 when it was 21 he was hospitalized five times and, finally, at the end of that year we found a medication that began to balance his brain and bring him back to us not 100%, but I would say 65%.

00:08:29.700 --> 00:08:36.060 Randye Kaye: And nutshell of the rest of it that medication really helped him to stabilize enough that he could be.

00:08:37.410 --> 00:08:56.280 Randye Kaye: discharged to a group residents, where they continue to work on the other three pillars of recovery it's not just about taking medication and you're better it's about treatment structure love or community and purpose and he worked his way up with a few glitches toward.

00:08:57.300 --> 00:09:03.930 Randye Kaye: Completing 60 college credits and working at that point people told me, I should write a book.

00:09:04.410 --> 00:09:12.690 Randye Kaye: And that's when I wrote the book and then, when the book was written it was right before he got employed I say at the end of my book, which again is 10 years old.

00:09:13.170 --> 00:09:23.640 Randye Kaye: My son is wonderful, he made a speech at his sister's wedding his part of our family is he the kitty used to be, he is not but with medication and purpose and structure and community.

00:09:24.270 --> 00:09:35.100 Randye Kaye: will take it he's back 65% he may never work again and we have to stop judging people by what job they do and that's where I ended the book after the book came out.

00:09:36.060 --> 00:09:42.150 Randye Kaye: And he had a relapse and then went back and had to adjust to a shift in treatment.

00:09:42.990 --> 00:09:54.810 Randye Kaye: He came home to live with us, and he worked his way up to working full time as a restaurant server so good that people went on yelp to say how wonderful he is some people gave him a 50% tip.

00:09:55.080 --> 00:10:07.020 Randye Kaye: that's how good he was with an illness that generally if untreated isolates you and i'm going to say you do seem crazy on schizophrenia it's about so much more than stigma.

00:10:07.470 --> 00:10:14.310 Randye Kaye: And he was doing really well handling his own finances until covert hit and with the.

00:10:14.790 --> 00:10:25.500 Randye Kaye: You know all restaurant servers can hear it with the with coven he lost his job so he lost his purposes, structure and his community and he started presenting this treatment and spitting it out and.

00:10:26.160 --> 00:10:35.010 Randye Kaye: The last chapter of it is I he had a breakdown on August 29 i'm surprised, it took that long and he was hospitalized for five and a half months.

00:10:35.790 --> 00:10:45.030 Randye Kaye: He is back out but he's not on the medication that works, and so, whereas he was back 65 to 70% before he's back, maybe 40% now.

00:10:45.540 --> 00:10:54.090 Randye Kaye: it's an illness that doesn't quit it doesn't get cured it just gets managed and it takes a lot and it takes a lot in the village so that's.

00:10:54.510 --> 00:11:03.270 Randye Kaye: that's where we are that's basically our story, I wrote the book to share our story, because I had so many practitioners go, what are you doing wrong as a parent.

00:11:03.810 --> 00:11:12.270 Randye Kaye: What trauma does he have instead of what's wrong with this brain, how can we fix the illness that is causing his brain to malfunction.

00:11:12.960 --> 00:11:22.080 Randye Kaye: And there are a lot of obstacles like that, so I wrote it for practitioners, I wrote it for people with schizophrenia to understand what their families have gone through, because the love is pure.

00:11:22.800 --> 00:11:30.810 Randye Kaye: But the rest is difficult and I wrote it for families to not feel so alone so that's a bit about the book a bit about my son.

00:11:30.960 --> 00:11:34.980 Albert Dabah: Well, I mean there really is something how old how old is your son now.

00:11:35.190 --> 00:11:37.110 Albert Dabah: 38 his name is Ben right.

00:11:37.740 --> 00:11:43.740 Randye Kaye: Well, not really, but when I was writing the book which he didn't want me to write is there, well, you can write it if you change my name, so he.

00:11:43.740 --> 00:11:44.790 Randye Kaye: chose the name Ben.

00:11:45.300 --> 00:11:48.300 Randye Kaye: So when I speak of him publicly I use the name Ben.

00:11:48.600 --> 00:11:49.080 So.

00:11:50.580 --> 00:11:51.750 Albert Dabah: So how old is he now i'm.

00:11:51.750 --> 00:11:56.220 Albert Dabah: 3838 and when he wrote the book how old he was mid 20s.

00:11:56.280 --> 00:12:04.980 Randye Kaye: I wrote the book I started it when he was like 25 and I finished it when he was like 28 so when they've got published, he was 28.

00:12:05.580 --> 00:12:06.480 Albert Dabah: Did he read the book.

00:12:06.930 --> 00:12:07.950 No, no.

00:12:09.030 --> 00:12:11.940 Randye Kaye: But he did he did he can it's.

00:12:13.680 --> 00:12:14.730 Randye Kaye: You know the movie.

00:12:15.780 --> 00:12:17.670 Randye Kaye: The invasion of the body snatchers.

00:12:18.180 --> 00:12:19.140 Albert Dabah: You kind of yeah.

00:12:19.170 --> 00:12:21.690 Randye Kaye: they're pod people like aliens come down.

00:12:21.930 --> 00:12:26.640 Randye Kaye: And they look like you, but they're not you it's almost like stepford wives, if you want it's like.

00:12:26.760 --> 00:12:35.850 Randye Kaye: You they walk and talk like you, but it's not really used so that's what my son seemed like it was like the invasion of the body snatchers it's like you look like my son he spoke, like my son.

00:12:36.090 --> 00:12:39.840 Randye Kaye: But something was missing, something is always missing behind the eyes and.

00:12:40.290 --> 00:12:52.800 Randye Kaye: You know, we can we can talk about that, because there are positive and negative symptoms to schizophrenia, many people don't understand what it is, and I, you know I know we have a break coming up, and we can talk about exactly what schizophrenia is afterwards.

00:12:53.190 --> 00:13:03.570 Randye Kaye: But when he when I wrote the book he and it came he was like I don't want to read it, and I got a lot of attention, but he did come to my book, launch party.

00:13:04.320 --> 00:13:05.190 Albert Dabah: Oh really okay.

00:13:05.250 --> 00:13:15.870 Randye Kaye: Good yes, and he did get a job and his his manager had a nephew with schizophrenia, and he asked if he could take a copy of the book to his boss.

00:13:17.400 --> 00:13:29.070 Randye Kaye: So you know he loves to help people my son is always the love to help people, which is why he loved being server so he has no interest my daughter has not read the book says, I lived it I don't need to read it so.

00:13:29.550 --> 00:13:30.840 Albert Dabah: I will just daughter Hello.

00:13:31.080 --> 00:13:37.590 Randye Kaye: My daughter's 35 she says little sister, but she says she feels like is big sister now something i'm sure you understand.

00:13:38.160 --> 00:13:43.320 Albert Dabah: yeah yeah yeah so is he is he at home now or is he you.

00:13:43.350 --> 00:13:45.780 Randye Kaye: Know he's he's very.

00:13:47.040 --> 00:13:51.000 Randye Kaye: it's hard to give a short answer to this it's very difficult for families.

00:13:52.380 --> 00:13:54.900 Randye Kaye: to live with someone who is unpredictable.

00:13:55.260 --> 00:14:09.510 Randye Kaye: When he lived with us for nine years I said here's the rule you take your meds you can live here you don't take your meds you can't and I don't trust him to do that anymore and it's time for me to step back and let someone else be his social worker and i'll just be as mother.

00:14:09.990 --> 00:14:20.640 Albert Dabah: gotcha okay well we'll continue with this and in a minute or so thank you Randy for being here tonight and we'll be right back to continue our conversation, thank you.

00:17:18.600 --> 00:17:20.940 Albert Dabah: hi we're back with randi kaye.

00:17:22.080 --> 00:17:23.880 Albert Dabah: we've been talking about her son.

00:17:25.560 --> 00:17:46.380 Albert Dabah: i'd like to you know what occurred to me during this break was when I first heard the word schizo Franek and it was about my brother and I guess it was around 19 I was about 12 or 13 so around 1964 so you know, obviously, things are a lot different than.

00:17:46.560 --> 00:17:48.450 Randye Kaye: How much older was he then you.

00:17:48.630 --> 00:17:50.070 Albert Dabah: 12 years older than me.

00:17:50.250 --> 00:17:52.830 Randye Kaye: Okay, so you were 12 it was 24 already.

00:17:53.010 --> 00:17:55.020 Albert Dabah: yeah yeah and.

00:17:56.130 --> 00:18:06.030 Albert Dabah: Well, actually 26 yeah and he's no great 24 and he he.

00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:07.650 Albert Dabah: left.

00:18:09.150 --> 00:18:18.450 Albert Dabah: High School he dropped out of high school when he was around 15 or I understand, and so I was like only three years old, I didn't know what was going on.

00:18:18.660 --> 00:18:20.730 Randye Kaye: I you never really knew him well.

00:18:20.820 --> 00:18:22.320 Randye Kaye: You know, probably glimpses.

00:18:22.680 --> 00:18:31.800 Albert Dabah: yeah and i'm the youngest of four, but I did get to know him growing up in a in like this kind of way like.

00:18:32.670 --> 00:18:52.530 Albert Dabah: It was like the only thing Randy that he ever talked to me about except on one occasion, he would talk to me about baseball and, but when he talked to me about baseball he didn't talk to me about baseball from the time he grew up he talked about it earlier than that what he read about.

00:18:52.800 --> 00:18:53.160 Randye Kaye: uh he.

00:18:53.250 --> 00:19:06.720 Albert Dabah: talked about babe Ruth and and all the players that played back in the 30s and and it was it was for me, was an education and he was so passionate when he talked about it.

00:19:07.290 --> 00:19:29.610 Albert Dabah: And I didn't realize till much later that he introduced me to the game that really grounded me because you know losing two siblings to suicide was such a trauma in our family and I, I think I think I took it the hardest being the youngest my sister who's five years older than me.

00:19:30.840 --> 00:19:39.810 Albert Dabah: She got married at 18 and she's just totally into religion and that that's the answer to everything and she has.

00:19:40.500 --> 00:19:42.390 Randye Kaye: The Jewish religion or digitally.

00:19:42.480 --> 00:19:43.530 Albert Dabah: Jewish orthodox.

00:19:43.590 --> 00:19:45.210 Randye Kaye: orthodox okay that's very.

00:19:45.360 --> 00:19:46.290 Randye Kaye: consuming okay.

00:19:46.320 --> 00:19:55.680 Albert Dabah: yeah very seven children and listen to this yes 62 grandchildren and I don't even know how many great grandchildren I know your mouse help and.

00:19:56.430 --> 00:20:05.760 Randye Kaye: I thought you know i'm I am Jewish as well, but i'm in the reform movement and that's a topic for another time it's very it's a very, very different world.

00:20:05.790 --> 00:20:06.960 Randye Kaye: So it is yes, it.

00:20:07.140 --> 00:20:17.190 Albert Dabah: Is when she read the script that I wrote you know it's probably about the script changed a bit, but you know is fairly the same was about a year before I actually did the film.

00:20:18.210 --> 00:20:20.580 Albert Dabah: um she said Albert I have to talk to you.

00:20:21.600 --> 00:20:26.910 Albert Dabah: She was very like Sir, I have to talk to you, and she lives about an hour West i'll come and meet with you.

00:20:27.300 --> 00:20:40.590 Albert Dabah: So I did, and the first thing, she said, is, I read the script and if people know that it's our family my grandchildren won't be able to get married that was her first and biggest response.

00:20:40.650 --> 00:20:42.570 Randye Kaye: And I was like Is that true or that was her.

00:20:42.570 --> 00:20:43.050 Randye Kaye: fear.

00:20:44.010 --> 00:20:47.940 Albert Dabah: Or was she told that has her fear they're all getting married and everything I can.

00:20:48.120 --> 00:20:49.350 Randye Kaye: Clearly 62.

00:20:49.800 --> 00:20:50.640 Albert Dabah: yeah nothing.

00:20:50.850 --> 00:20:52.110 Randye Kaye: someone's getting married in that.

00:20:52.110 --> 00:21:03.420 Albert Dabah: Family, oh no, it was just it that's part of that stigma that that real that the knowledge or not being educated and not really knowing and understanding.

00:21:03.690 --> 00:21:13.920 Albert Dabah: And the first question I asked her down your kids know as the seven kids and she said, the older ones I said what the older ones know, then the probably the younger ones, no, but the truth was the the older ones didn't know.

00:21:14.430 --> 00:21:30.150 Albert Dabah: She never told them and I said you never talk about our brother and sister to anyone, she goes no and I was astounded because for me and my sister, who was not diagnosed schizophrenic she was more bipolar.

00:21:31.500 --> 00:21:40.110 Albert Dabah: She really was like my best friend at 18 I was she was 10 years older than me, so I was eight and she moved to California, but she like in the film.

00:21:40.770 --> 00:21:53.040 Albert Dabah: In the woman who plays in the film places so well, she was great yeah I I swear I didn't have to give her a note or two, I would just say yeah mm hmm you got you know um.

00:21:55.080 --> 00:22:01.470 Albert Dabah: She was she was my best friend she she always encouraged me to play baseball to go for my dreams.

00:22:02.910 --> 00:22:04.020 Albert Dabah: which I think is a.

00:22:05.460 --> 00:22:16.740 Albert Dabah: As a parent is a wonderful thing to tell your kids to go for your dreams, I mean just go for it, I mean you never know what's going to happen yeah you might be disappointed, but go for it and.

00:22:18.030 --> 00:22:24.300 Albert Dabah: And you know because of her I did play baseball I didn't listen to my parents, I was.

00:22:24.900 --> 00:22:31.290 Albert Dabah: There was one game and all star game they said it was on a Sunday, so they said they would come because, on Saturday, they wouldn't come.

00:22:31.950 --> 00:22:43.320 Albert Dabah: And they promised, they would come with an all star game and i'll never forget and and one of the other parents, one of my friends, who was on the team.

00:22:43.860 --> 00:22:53.790 Albert Dabah: You know, part of the Syrian Jewish community and he was too, but more of on the outskirts but my mother knew his mother, so I said, you know phil's mother's going to be there come.

00:22:55.230 --> 00:23:04.980 Albert Dabah: They didn't show up, and it was a great game I got a big hit we won the game, I came home and they were just hanging out on the porch with their brothers and sisters and I was so disappointed.

00:23:05.850 --> 00:23:17.460 Albert Dabah: But i'm I realized that's who they are, you know this is i'm not you know I just have to fight for what I want, and I did and.

00:23:19.020 --> 00:23:25.080 Albert Dabah: there's one point in the film that i'll just bring up that I really think is one of the most important parts of the film was the kid tells the.

00:23:25.380 --> 00:23:32.820 Albert Dabah: Father at the end and I play the father and father says, you know i'll disown you if you keep going out with this non Jewish girl, and all that.

00:23:33.120 --> 00:23:49.290 Albert Dabah: And the kid says to him, you know what you don't you don't know who I am you have no idea who I am and I think that's how they were, and when you know, we had a lot of screenings of the film before coven in all different parts of the country and.

00:23:49.320 --> 00:23:51.390 Randye Kaye: It was a pleasure, remember that yeah.

00:23:51.540 --> 00:23:51.960 yeah.

00:23:53.190 --> 00:23:54.870 Albert Dabah: That was the old days oh.

00:23:55.170 --> 00:23:56.730 Randye Kaye: My God i'm what got them back.

00:23:56.850 --> 00:24:04.830 Albert Dabah: hey and one guy asked me how did you deal with such a mean father and I said I never ever thought he was mean I just thought he was.

00:24:05.670 --> 00:24:14.700 Albert Dabah: You know all fashion, he was stubborn he wouldn't change his mind, and this is the way he was but I didn't think never thought I always felt in love me.

00:24:15.240 --> 00:24:23.790 Albert Dabah: Just the way show me love and the problem was my sister couldn't see that she just fell he doesn't love me he doesn't love me but getting back to my brother.

00:24:25.020 --> 00:24:38.010 Albert Dabah: um he was a very bright also a very high IQ I don't know exactly what it was, but I remember hearing that I have an old letter of his I found I don't know about a two years ago, and one of these books and.

00:24:38.400 --> 00:24:52.440 Albert Dabah: He said I as a kid I wanted to go to art school in Europe and I never knew that um I think he was someone who never really spoke his voice, you know and we.

00:24:52.710 --> 00:25:04.800 Albert Dabah: spoke his life, in other words, he never spoke out about what he really wanted, I think he was like in the movie he says, I want to be a writer, and I remember that, but he was so stuck in his mind.

00:25:06.510 --> 00:25:13.860 Albert Dabah: You know, it sounds like your experience with your son is so different, so I think it's a friend can mean I mean I don't know but.

00:25:13.890 --> 00:25:18.300 Randye Kaye: Now my son my son wants to be a writer when he dropped out of high school.

00:25:18.660 --> 00:25:18.960 Albert Dabah: mm hmm.

00:25:19.020 --> 00:25:30.420 Randye Kaye: it's like well i'm going to write i'm gonna write poetry and look i'm a i'm a working actress and I know there's the difference between a want to be actress and a working actress and everybody working actress makes compromises.

00:25:30.600 --> 00:25:44.160 Randye Kaye: Right, you know you do commercials you do you read you know we we take work i've been in shows that I didn't even like but I needed the medical insurance like we know as we grow up that our dreams do take compromise.

00:25:44.790 --> 00:25:46.200 Randye Kaye: To some extent and.

00:25:47.250 --> 00:25:57.390 Randye Kaye: Most teenagers don't see that, so I was like look I I am just if you want to be a poem go for it, however, you also have to pay your bills.

00:25:58.140 --> 00:26:03.360 Randye Kaye: On help you this much, but the rest, you have to do you know, again I didn't realize he had a brain illness at the time.

00:26:04.050 --> 00:26:19.020 Randye Kaye: He still he writes, but he isn't a discipline writer and just spills onto the paper, he has unrealistic dreams and part of that is there's a what I think about schizophrenia, and maybe.

00:26:20.040 --> 00:26:33.540 Randye Kaye: For your brother as well i'm seeing my son through a parent's eyes you're seeing it through a younger brother who wished he could have worshiped you know what what might have been, you know who he could have been and the glimpses that you got to see have this.

00:26:34.950 --> 00:26:47.070 Randye Kaye: Big Brother who would have been awesome you know he just would have been awesome it's not fair, and he tried to be awesome and he tried to encourage you, and that's what I just call glimpses and I don't know if he was on medication or not.

00:26:47.280 --> 00:26:48.120 Albert Dabah: He was yeah.

00:26:48.570 --> 00:27:00.330 Randye Kaye: So, you know that helps and it depends on the medication some medications are more well suited than others, so you know i'm not here to just to prescribe anything but i'm.

00:27:03.420 --> 00:27:11.820 Randye Kaye: But with schizophrenia it steals the things you could have done your your brother wanted to be a writer and my son wanted to be a writer, but.

00:27:12.330 --> 00:27:22.320 Randye Kaye: What one of the things the illness steals is what's going on in the frontal cortex the part of the brain that makes sense of things that puts logical things together so.

00:27:23.040 --> 00:27:29.850 Randye Kaye: A teenage girl may want to be a movie star but eventually life is going to step in and say, well, you need a manager and you need an agent, and you.

00:27:30.120 --> 00:27:36.120 Randye Kaye: Go to auditions and you're going to lose some of them and eventually you learn, there is a process to becoming a star.

00:27:36.720 --> 00:27:44.700 Randye Kaye: With schizophrenia it's easier to stay lost in the i'm going to write a book that will change the world like you stay in the unreal and you.

00:27:45.300 --> 00:27:55.380 Randye Kaye: You never really know what your inner thoughts or what seems to me to be voices are telling you we all have inner thoughts, we all have like.

00:27:55.770 --> 00:28:05.820 Randye Kaye: You know, an angel on one shoulder and a devil going play baseball don't play baseball you know we all have that, but we also have a frontal cortex that gives us the logic to make sense of it.

00:28:06.510 --> 00:28:15.030 Randye Kaye: So you know that's what I think with schizophrenia being a mental disorder in which people interpret reality abnormally.

00:28:16.200 --> 00:28:20.850 Randye Kaye: could be a combination of hallucinations i'm just reading this straight off the Mayo clinic.

00:28:21.090 --> 00:28:24.810 Randye Kaye: hallucinations delusions and extremely disordered.

00:28:24.810 --> 00:28:39.990 Randye Kaye: Thinking disordered thinking is the huge thing disordered thinking and behavior and it impairs daily functioning and it can be disabling and it doesn't generally get better so all those hopes and dreams are wonderful, but they they're missing.

00:28:41.790 --> 00:28:57.750 Randye Kaye: For many they're missing some tools that we would need and that when I learned my son has schizophrenia I stopped blaming him for everything he couldn't do that was the big thing for him and I was terrified for him, at the same time.

00:28:58.410 --> 00:29:00.630 Albert Dabah: um yeah must have been some.

00:29:02.010 --> 00:29:04.260 Albert Dabah: I guess really some kind of revelation.

00:29:06.120 --> 00:29:21.030 Randye Kaye: revelation yeah I mean it explained everything it was devastating it was devastating and yet I could stop hating my son because there comes a point at which I was hating him for what I just couldn't understand him when I realized it wasn't his fault.

00:29:22.050 --> 00:29:23.700 Randye Kaye: yeah that's when everything changed.

00:29:23.940 --> 00:29:33.870 Randye Kaye: And that's one of the things I want people to know it wasn't your brother's fault, he couldn't think any different any tried and that's what you know that's where it breaks you, you see how hard they try.

00:29:34.980 --> 00:29:38.430 Randye Kaye: I know my son is slipping when he tries extra hard to be sociable.

00:29:38.790 --> 00:29:41.670 Randye Kaye: Like Fries so hard, but the seams are showing.

00:29:41.820 --> 00:29:42.150 Albert Dabah: yeah.

00:29:42.210 --> 00:29:52.770 Albert Dabah: You know alright well we'll be right back more with Randy and thank you, thank you again, this is a really a very good conversation for me thank you.

00:29:54.210 --> 00:29:54.930 Albert Dabah: We right back.

00:32:41.190 --> 00:32:54.600 Albert Dabah: hi we're back with Randy K on extra innings podcasts covering all the bases Randy we've been talking about your son, I was curious, how does your daughter your older daughter right she's.

00:32:54.780 --> 00:32:56.160 Randye Kaye: she's younger she's younger.

00:32:56.490 --> 00:32:58.920 Albert Dabah: Sorry, have is she deal with.

00:32:59.940 --> 00:33:05.520 Albert Dabah: With your with your son and yourself how does it all come together or not.

00:33:06.300 --> 00:33:14.310 Randye Kaye: Like me, she loves him and they're only two years and 10 months apart so.

00:33:15.540 --> 00:33:22.020 Randye Kaye: until she was 12 or 13 shed a normal big brother.

00:33:23.190 --> 00:33:34.380 Randye Kaye: She had over a decade to fall in love with him before the illness said in so you never really got to know your brother before the illness.

00:33:34.410 --> 00:33:44.550 Randye Kaye: right but, but she did, and she worshipped him, I mean he was the Big Brother that all her friends said oh you're so lucky Ben is your big brother because.

00:33:45.240 --> 00:33:57.360 Randye Kaye: You know, he was kind, and you know they had their moments don't get me wrong, you know who's who's going to sit shotgun and you know that they had their stupid fights like every sibling in the world.

00:33:57.870 --> 00:34:06.720 Randye Kaye: But overall, he was kind to her, he was cute and her friends were like your brother so cute he had like 40 best friend she wanted to be him.

00:34:07.710 --> 00:34:16.530 Randye Kaye: Like she wanted the social life that he had when he was in eighth and ninth and 10th grade, and she looked up to him and then suddenly he began to change.

00:34:17.100 --> 00:34:28.680 Randye Kaye: And he began to isolate and then he started talking about weird stuff like, why should anyone finish high school, what does anybody need to go to school.

00:34:29.130 --> 00:34:41.640 Randye Kaye: And then he got a girlfriend and was totally obsessed with her and then he started dressing weird and then he started refusing to shower and suddenly she went from having the Big Brother that everyone envy to having the Big Brother that everyone thought was weird.

00:34:43.860 --> 00:34:55.170 Randye Kaye: So, and then, as things started when he dropped out of school and hit you know didn't want to work that he did want to work and then he thought work was a government plot, and we thought.

00:34:55.890 --> 00:35:03.990 Randye Kaye: You know all stuff that I can look back now and go paranoia I thought it was what kind of policies smoking because I knew it was smoking pot at that point.

00:35:04.470 --> 00:35:11.610 Randye Kaye: or just excuses, not to work like before you understand schizophrenia, you know it's just normalizing but.

00:35:12.480 --> 00:35:19.500 Randye Kaye: She suddenly we were the House everyone came to, but what is your crazy brother, going to be there because he was acting crazy, he was just.

00:35:20.310 --> 00:35:22.740 Randye Kaye: his head and washes heroin months and.

00:35:23.160 --> 00:35:34.470 Randye Kaye: Then he dropped out of school and he wanted to wander around the country looking for his father, I should mention that their dad abandoned the family, when my kids were three and five and I raised them alone, without child support we choose stressful.

00:35:34.950 --> 00:35:41.490 Randye Kaye: But I without schizophrenia, we would have done just fine you know, we had a Big Brother we had you know, a loving family.

00:35:43.350 --> 00:35:45.240 Randye Kaye: So it was hard for her and.

00:35:46.470 --> 00:35:59.100 Randye Kaye: When she was about 15 and I was just it was clear that he had schizophrenia when you come home in your car and your brother's being led to an ambulance and handcuffs because, as the.

00:35:59.910 --> 00:36:05.820 Randye Kaye: Police said to me i'm sorry we have to do this it's, the only way to get to for us to get him admitted.

00:36:06.450 --> 00:36:17.280 Randye Kaye: But to drive up and see the brother that you worship being led to an ambulance and handcuffs is terrifying and so she's but she's made peace with it now it is what it is, she said to me.

00:36:18.690 --> 00:36:26.400 Randye Kaye: mom I don't waste any time wishing and thinking about what it would be life like if it was health if he was healthy because there's just no point he is not.

00:36:26.880 --> 00:36:37.110 Randye Kaye: And I had a Big Brother now, I have a little brother and their relationship is I mean they love each other so much and they now they've us out they text each other and.

00:36:38.490 --> 00:36:51.300 Randye Kaye: But you know, is it what I hoped for, when they were six and three, and you know, he would take her hand and help her make a sand Castle and course, like any parent.

00:36:51.720 --> 00:36:59.880 Randye Kaye: You envision them growing up, and each getting married and having children and the children will be cousins well the eldest took all of that away from us.

00:37:01.050 --> 00:37:06.870 Randye Kaye: He is unless they put more money into research and a cure.

00:37:07.590 --> 00:37:17.790 Randye Kaye: he's going to be the uncle that we all hope will hold it together and in treatment, it was really was doing while he was working he was proud of his work at least a car.

00:37:18.030 --> 00:37:27.690 Randye Kaye: He had friends, it was close enough was he married with children and did he finished college know all of that was ripped away from him, but he worked so hard to.

00:37:28.380 --> 00:37:36.150 Randye Kaye: To get close to what most people saw it as a normal life and at the restaurant they had no idea had schizophrenia the medication you was on was that good.

00:37:36.630 --> 00:37:42.870 Randye Kaye: yeah I should mention that in schizophrenia, there are two types of symptoms, there are positive and negative symptoms and.

00:37:43.650 --> 00:37:55.380 Randye Kaye: Positive symptoms are not good, positive it's things that are added to your personality like hallucinations and voices and I just I have chapter guideposts in my books I forget I may as well.

00:37:55.410 --> 00:37:57.120 Randye Kaye: use this for reference the.

00:37:57.180 --> 00:38:07.440 Randye Kaye: essence of inflated self self concept, you may recognize some of these as you think about your brother rudeness and hostility constant tension and nervousness.

00:38:07.710 --> 00:38:13.050 Randye Kaye: And as the illness progresses hallucinations and episodes of psychosis it's not constantly there.

00:38:13.440 --> 00:38:20.490 Randye Kaye: But then even more heartbreaking or the negative things the things that the illness takes away from your personality, because it's not.

00:38:20.790 --> 00:38:27.810 Randye Kaye: A mood disorder like bipolar where they get a period in the middle, where they're charming it's a thought disorder your thoughts are always disordered.

00:38:28.200 --> 00:38:38.520 Randye Kaye: So what it takes away is your ability to focus your capacity for intimacy the warmth and thoughtfulness and relationships my son learn to fake it.

00:38:39.510 --> 00:38:42.810 Randye Kaye: Based on his past experience and what he knows, but.

00:38:43.710 --> 00:38:52.590 Randye Kaye: The warmth wasn't there behind his eyes pride and taking responsibility, I have to say he got that back because the medication, it was on worked on some of the negative symptoms.

00:38:53.130 --> 00:39:02.580 Randye Kaye: Willingness to follow a treatment plan when l that is definitely taken away from you, because there is a medical phenomenon, known as no signal.

00:39:03.150 --> 00:39:16.050 Randye Kaye: And what it is, is lacking insight into your illness stroke patients often have it when they don't realize that something's wrong and skits people with schizophrenia, most of them have it.

00:39:16.530 --> 00:39:23.970 Randye Kaye: My son is not stubborn he's not in denial, he simply does not believe he's ill, because all this part of the brain isn't functioning.

00:39:24.540 --> 00:39:32.850 Randye Kaye: And so the illness itself takes away the willingness to realize you're ill and the will and the willingness to follow a treatment plan so.

00:39:33.390 --> 00:39:43.080 Randye Kaye: You know those Those are the things so back to your original question it broke her heart but she's gotten used to it, you know we always say it is what it is now what and.

00:39:45.150 --> 00:39:53.610 Randye Kaye: You know, having your 37 year old son live with you and come home at 2am and you have to stay up to give them medication isn't ideal, but I said, you know we'll take it is.

00:39:54.480 --> 00:40:09.480 Randye Kaye: over him being psychotic will take it, but you know the game of chutes and ladders, that is what happened with Kobe to my son after nine years of rebuilding his life and getting off social security and managing his own money.

00:40:10.620 --> 00:40:18.120 Randye Kaye: he's right back to where he was when he was 21 because the illness took away all four pillars of his recovery.

00:40:18.510 --> 00:40:20.580 Albert Dabah: Is he is in the hospital now or is he.

00:40:20.640 --> 00:40:29.730 Randye Kaye: He was for five and a half months, he was discharged about a month ago, and I made the difficult decision as many families do to say.

00:40:30.240 --> 00:40:36.510 Randye Kaye: He cannot come live with us right now, because he's unstable he's not willing to take the medication that works so well for him.

00:40:36.900 --> 00:40:44.490 Randye Kaye: And so I said, please find him a residence and not easy and covert times and he is in.

00:40:45.330 --> 00:41:03.270 Randye Kaye: A working very hard to get as benefits back because he was working and not on social security, but now he's clearly disabled again and again five and a half months in a psychiatric hospital, which is almost unheard of these days, and now with this medication is on now not really able.

00:41:05.100 --> 00:41:06.630 Randye Kaye: To do what he did yet.

00:41:07.020 --> 00:41:10.050 Albert Dabah: Say bacteria in some kind of apartment now so.

00:41:10.080 --> 00:41:18.690 Randye Kaye: he's he's in a group residence, which is called transitional living and so they're a staff there 24 seven This is where he was.

00:41:19.110 --> 00:41:27.030 Randye Kaye: In the seven years I cover of his recovery in the book he was it was in this is a different place because that place is closed down, he lives about.

00:41:27.480 --> 00:41:43.590 Randye Kaye: 20 minutes from me, it is a very nice home in another town in Connecticut and he is he has his own room and he he came and packed he has some of his own stuff they eat meals together.

00:41:44.220 --> 00:41:55.950 Randye Kaye: For the first 30 days, he can get driven to where he needs to go, the idea is to help them get back on his feet, which I, you know which it's better for him of his mom he doesn't do it.

00:41:57.720 --> 00:42:06.480 Randye Kaye: there's a concept called frozen in time, which means that emotionally you kind of stay where you were when the illness hit so emotionally he's rather adolescent.

00:42:07.470 --> 00:42:19.410 Randye Kaye: And, like many adolescents capable with treatment of balances brain of doing well in the outside world, but his relationship with me can be filled with resentment, even though he loves me and tells me he loves me and.

00:42:19.770 --> 00:42:26.250 Randye Kaye: You know his respect his self respect has been taken away by losing his job anybody who's unemployed can understand that so.

00:42:26.580 --> 00:42:36.090 Randye Kaye: he's in a transitional living and a nurse comes to make sure he takes his medication and he has a treatment team and the idea is in a year to help him graduate to.

00:42:36.480 --> 00:42:46.830 Randye Kaye: an apartment where maybe there are other apartments in the building and the staff lives in the building and they check on them, he this is how to take the steps to get his life back.

00:42:47.310 --> 00:42:48.510 Randye Kaye: yeah so.

00:42:48.750 --> 00:42:55.950 Albert Dabah: So Randy how How has it personally like been for you, I mean it sounds like such a up and down roller coaster which.

00:42:56.370 --> 00:43:06.030 Albert Dabah: we're going to have a break soon we'll get back to it but it's something that I personally like I can't even imagine my mother talking like the way you are because she was so.

00:43:06.480 --> 00:43:18.780 Albert Dabah: Not educated on what to do, particularly back then, and the medications i'm sure we're not as good as they are now even though you keep having to having to try different ones to get the one that works.

00:43:19.350 --> 00:43:32.400 Albert Dabah: But i'm really curious because you know it saddens me to think back of my brother and what happened and to think about what you have to go through and and also, I guess what I want to ask you, when we get back is like.

00:43:33.060 --> 00:43:39.330 Albert Dabah: You know what support do you have for yourself to get through this because I think that would help other families to know.

00:43:39.930 --> 00:43:54.120 Albert Dabah: That you know There probably is a you know different support groups, I would think I joined a support group for just not I mean right before covert I went for six months, once a month to people who lost their loved ones who suicide.

00:43:54.390 --> 00:43:54.750 Randye Kaye: mm hmm.

00:43:55.290 --> 00:43:57.510 Albert Dabah: which I found amazingly.

00:43:57.870 --> 00:43:59.280 Albert Dabah: helpful yeah yeah.

00:43:59.760 --> 00:44:09.840 Albert Dabah: Either yeah so we'll be back in a little bit and talk more about this subject, which I think is so so important for people to know Thank you Randy.

00:44:10.020 --> 00:44:10.500 Randye Kaye: Thank you.

00:44:12.090 --> 00:44:14.520 Albert Dabah: you're listening to talk radio.

00:46:27.450 --> 00:46:44.430 Albert Dabah: hi i'm Albert we're back with Randy K so Randy we left off talking, I asked a question about so how, how do you get your support for handling everything that you're handling with your son because it's got to be.

00:46:45.720 --> 00:46:50.700 Albert Dabah: So tough to deal with the really the ups and downs of.

00:46:51.240 --> 00:46:55.620 Albert Dabah: of how your son does and what he goes through, and.

00:46:56.880 --> 00:47:04.290 Albert Dabah: Different conversations you have different medications over the years and phil tell me about that i'm curious.

00:47:04.350 --> 00:47:17.970 Randye Kaye: yeah Thank you so I did quite the speaking tour after my book came out and I actually still i'm doing a book Club in a couple of weeks and i'm doing a mental health talk at the end of the month, all virtual, of course.

00:47:18.480 --> 00:47:28.650 Randye Kaye: And when I speak about this, I I created this acronym called spells out search for what families need when mental illness strikes and.

00:47:29.070 --> 00:47:46.170 Randye Kaye: You know I think of the time that your family dealt with it, and your parents didn't have access to a lot of what I have access to, and probably the idea was to hide it in the closet because of all of the stigma and that's something we should touch on to before we end.

00:47:47.220 --> 00:47:51.330 Randye Kaye: So families definitely need search and SS for support.

00:47:51.810 --> 00:48:05.160 Randye Kaye: Where I found support was the National Alliance on mental illness nanny and am I or nami nami nami whatever and am i.org it's a national organization with affiliates in every state.

00:48:05.490 --> 00:48:26.910 Randye Kaye: I will say some affiliates are better than others, and there are some things about nami that politically, some of us question, however, for me, nami was about education they were support groups and my favorite ones were when there was a speaker to teach me something so.

00:48:28.440 --> 00:48:33.600 Randye Kaye: The turning point for me was because of nami and it's a course called family to family.

00:48:34.050 --> 00:48:43.560 Randye Kaye: And it is free at the time it was a 12 week course they've since shortened it to eight, the nami family, the family course which I now teach at least once a year.

00:48:43.860 --> 00:48:50.280 Randye Kaye: And i'm also the Connecticut trainer This is all volunteer work I train other people to teach it but in 12 weeks.

00:48:50.610 --> 00:48:57.750 Randye Kaye: I learned about mental illnesses what they are, what the symptoms are it's all it covers all the mental illnesses and they said they give you a.

00:48:58.230 --> 00:49:09.570 Randye Kaye: feast of facts and you take what you need so because of that, and the supplemental reading I did like surviving schizophrenia and memoirs like the one I ended up writing I began to understand.

00:49:10.080 --> 00:49:24.870 Randye Kaye: Pardon me understand my son's illness so support was huge there are support groups for that in the support groups like anything you go oh i'm not the only one yeah huge eat for education, for me, family, the family was huge.

00:49:25.890 --> 00:49:38.340 Randye Kaye: On my at the end of my book, I have some books that I recommend but I updated all the time on my website for the book Ben behind his voices.com a is for acceptance.

00:49:39.840 --> 00:49:50.640 Randye Kaye: My mantra is as much as I wish it were different my mantra is it is what it is, he has this illness it sucks I hate it, what can I do to help him.

00:49:51.000 --> 00:49:58.500 Randye Kaye: It is what it is, I don't waste a lot of time wishing that were different, a month saying it doesn't pop up occasionally but.

00:49:59.040 --> 00:50:12.090 Randye Kaye: And at odd times, but as for acceptance cut and what without support and education it's really hard to get to acceptance those things are the are the footing for acceptance and ours for respect.

00:50:13.260 --> 00:50:21.480 Randye Kaye: And that brings up stigma the families of people and, by the way, it's at least one in five families in the nation has a.

00:50:21.780 --> 00:50:31.230 Randye Kaye: Close loved one with some sort of mental illness some say it's one in four, but many are talking about it and schizophrenia, the last mental illness to come out of a closet.

00:50:31.710 --> 00:50:46.080 Randye Kaye: Because there aren't celebrities talking about it any movies made about it, or just freaking heartbreaking there's not you know it's it's a different kind of illness and it gets a lot of bad press.

00:50:46.830 --> 00:50:59.100 Randye Kaye: And there's a lot of rumor about it and you don't hear about schizophrenia, unless you hear about a mass shooting or something and that's not fair, because there are plenty of people who are working so hard like my son, but the.

00:50:59.910 --> 00:51:13.380 Randye Kaye: The problem is, they don't know they have the illness, so there are very few people and, especially, very few men because, generally hits women later when they've had more chance to mature I know a lot of women who understand they have schizophrenia they're managing their illness and.

00:51:15.240 --> 00:51:24.060 Randye Kaye: But for my son that's not something he's willing to talk about so ours for respect people with schizophrenia deserve respect they're not homeless by choice.

00:51:24.900 --> 00:51:27.060 Randye Kaye: they're homeless, because there were no other options.

00:51:27.720 --> 00:51:37.290 Randye Kaye: And the hospitals were closed but that's a whole other show and respect for the families C is for communication skills, I have to say that learning how to communicate with my son was huge.

00:51:37.590 --> 00:51:50.880 Randye Kaye: Instead of I never tried to convince him, he has schizophrenia it won't work it's not my job for nine years he did well because I simply said you don't have to believe you need to take medication, but if you want to live here that's the rule.

00:51:52.410 --> 00:52:01.260 Randye Kaye: And if he said I don't like it, I learned to say I know you don't like it, you know you reflect back it's typical your life coach you know it's typical communication skills of.

00:52:01.500 --> 00:52:09.090 Randye Kaye: Reflecting back really listening to people really hearing what they have to say so, see for communication skills and he has for hope.

00:52:10.230 --> 00:52:11.940 Randye Kaye: And he has also for humor.

00:52:13.050 --> 00:52:15.900 Randye Kaye: If and when we can find the humor In it we do.

00:52:16.530 --> 00:52:21.510 Randye Kaye: yeah I you know, I will say when I pick my son up from the hospital last month.

00:52:23.160 --> 00:52:31.680 Randye Kaye: And it was weird I hadn't been able to visit him, it was coven so I couldn't even hug him, I mean it was I we had some zoom meetings that's it.

00:52:32.400 --> 00:52:39.330 Randye Kaye: And I curbside delivery picked him up you know they said okay you're out, they will send them out like picking someone up from prison, it was crazy.

00:52:39.720 --> 00:52:50.310 Randye Kaye: And he got in the car and and I know he must have done some 12 step stuff and worked in groups and he was pretty stable on his MED, not what he was, but he was stable than the voices were quiet.

00:52:50.730 --> 00:52:55.470 Randye Kaye: The voices he doesn't admit that he hears or even maybe know that he hears and he.

00:52:56.010 --> 00:53:01.050 Randye Kaye: He started apologize i'm sorry for everything I ever did then sorry i'm sorry this and I said.

00:53:01.410 --> 00:53:08.160 Randye Kaye: Oh, my God i'm getting an apology, can I get this on tape and I, you know open my phone and open up the APP and he did it like he laughed.

00:53:08.790 --> 00:53:18.870 Randye Kaye: The fact that he could laugh with me and was willing to say dear my mother's phone I apologize for everything I ever did that hurt her okay signing off now is I don't can't you know just.

00:53:19.530 --> 00:53:27.630 Randye Kaye: If you can find a moment of humor it's a glimpse so search are the things that help and I just I know where.

00:53:28.050 --> 00:53:37.710 Randye Kaye: we're running short but maybe we can talk about stigma a bit because a lot of people think if you just remove the stigma of schizophrenia everybody will run and get treatment.

00:53:38.250 --> 00:53:48.360 Randye Kaye: I don't believe that's as true for schizophrenia, as it is for bipolar and depression, I think stigma definitely gets in the way of the mood disorders depression and bipolar.

00:53:50.460 --> 00:54:00.900 Randye Kaye: And you know, there are others there's OCD and there's panic disorders and there's a whole spectrum and borderline personality and ptsd there are a lot of mental illness illnesses on this spectrum.

00:54:01.350 --> 00:54:09.810 Randye Kaye: and the reduction of stigma would certainly help with many of those but for schizophrenia it very few people I don't know any person.

00:54:10.440 --> 00:54:14.640 Randye Kaye: Who has told me I stopped taking my meds because of the stigma of taking medication.

00:54:15.090 --> 00:54:19.980 Randye Kaye: They stopped because they don't like the side effects they stopped because they don't believe they're ill in the first place.

00:54:20.280 --> 00:54:28.110 Randye Kaye: They stopped because they don't want to need medication, they want to take full credit for their own recovery there's a lot of reasons to stop.

00:54:28.470 --> 00:54:36.960 Randye Kaye: One of which is the same reason, some of us stop taking antibiotics halfway through and think we'll save the rest for next time, when we know we're supposed to take the full 10 days so.

00:54:38.550 --> 00:54:49.290 Randye Kaye: That so just reducing stigma about schizophrenia isn't enough, we need a cure, we need support for the families and we need practitioners to listen to families.

00:54:49.620 --> 00:54:57.840 Randye Kaye: and support them, because we have the information that you may not be able to get in 15 minutes, I always call my son's practitioners and.

00:54:58.560 --> 00:55:11.880 Randye Kaye: update them and and say here's this history, they don't know that he used to be a fantastic restaurant server all they see is somebody struggling to not hear voices so search helps.

00:55:12.060 --> 00:55:13.920 Albert Dabah: yeah well that's that's.

00:55:15.090 --> 00:55:21.300 Albert Dabah: You know I wrote that down search nami i'm very familiar with we've showed extra innings to.

00:55:22.410 --> 00:55:30.060 Albert Dabah: Two different live nami screenings with a panel and an opening brooklyn one in rockland county we're having a virtual.

00:55:31.020 --> 00:55:38.010 Albert Dabah: Great watch it on Amazon on Sunday we're going to have a talkback I mean a week from this coming Sunday.

00:55:39.090 --> 00:55:39.660 Albert Dabah: and

00:55:41.610 --> 00:55:48.060 Albert Dabah: But it, you know this isn't as you talk about it and talking when when when you mentioned umer I was trying to think that I ever.

00:55:49.050 --> 00:56:03.270 Albert Dabah: That I ever you know, have any umer see a smile out of my brother and I, and I think I did because I just feel like I did you know that it was like you said, use the word glimpse before and I think that was a glimpse.

00:56:04.770 --> 00:56:09.300 Albert Dabah: Not much, but enough for me to.

00:56:10.620 --> 00:56:23.220 Albert Dabah: remember him as someone who really you know, had some kind of hope in his life, but it was like in the movie the movie really does reflect.

00:56:24.000 --> 00:56:32.610 Albert Dabah: it's not exactly the way things happen, you know many people said how close, is it to what happened, what percentage I couldn't even I can't answer that but.

00:56:33.930 --> 00:56:36.720 Randye Kaye: It was your your own recollection of what happened.

00:56:36.780 --> 00:56:41.010 Randye Kaye: Is the recollection of a 12 year old boy so it's colored by your own.

00:56:41.100 --> 00:56:42.570 Your own hippocampus.

00:56:44.190 --> 00:56:44.580 Randye Kaye: Are you.

00:56:44.850 --> 00:56:53.130 Albert Dabah: were then and, but when he when he died, I actually was 18 and not like in the movie when he died, I was 18 and but but.

00:56:54.900 --> 00:57:02.880 Albert Dabah: it's it's I can I can I I i've learned so much tonight just listening to you about what you've gone through.

00:57:04.770 --> 00:57:14.280 Albert Dabah: which really tells me a lot about what this illness is about, and I think, hopefully, the other listeners will get that as well.

00:57:14.550 --> 00:57:15.330 Randye Kaye: I hope so.

00:57:15.510 --> 00:57:25.620 Albert Dabah: Oh, I wanna I want to thank you so much for sharing your story and Ben story, and if anyone wants to read the book it's called Ben behind his voices.

00:57:26.250 --> 00:57:40.080 Randye Kaye: One family's journey from the chaos of schizophrenia to hope you can still get it on Amazon the website is Ben behind his voices calm, or you know my website is Randy k.com you can find that on there as well.

00:57:40.770 --> 00:57:44.100 Albert Dabah: Alright, great well, thank you Randy for being here tonight.

00:57:44.130 --> 00:57:45.210 Albert Dabah: And and.

00:57:46.230 --> 00:57:58.740 Albert Dabah: To all the listeners out there will be here next Monday night at six o'clock and again, you can watch extra innings on Amazon prime Thank you so much Randy take care and we'll be in touch be well.

00:57:59.460 --> 00:58:00.600 Randye Kaye: bye bye bye.

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