Life Coach Sharon Birn shares her experiences of working with people with disabilities and many other challenges.
Albert Tabah introduces his special guest tonight Sharon Birn. Albert asks Sharon what is a life coach. A life coach is a form of health specialist that helps individuals make changes in their lives to reach greater fulfillment. Life coaches will help you articulate your priorities, define the hurdles that hold you apart, and then come up with solutions to resolve each barrier, Sharon tells Albert and the listeners. Sharon also mentioned that life coaching focuses more on the present and therapy focuses more on the past. Sharon also specializes in rehabilitation and also has the power and ability of helping people with disabilities.
At a very young age Sharon noticed that her purpose in life was to help people the way they want to be helped. Albert mentions that we have to live and adapt with the results we get out of things. Sharon helps people to get where they want to be in life. Sharon tells Albert that she is a firm believer. The way you think, the way you approach a situation can affect the results we get out of any situation, Sharon tells Albert and the listeners. It’s her goal to help people to be more productive and thoughtful, Sharon mentioned. Before the section ended, Sharon uttered that she does not take notes while working with a client because she wants to be fully engaged in the conversation.
How can someone pick a therapist or a life coach, Albert asks Sharon. Sharon answers by saying that there has to be a type of connection and understanding that brings you two together. Life coaching is about shifting how you think, Sharon mentioned. Losing 2 siblings over suicide really impact Abert in many different ways. Sharon uttered that there are a lot of people suffering mental illness but are too afraid to seek help because they feel they are going to get judged from others. Sometimes we don’t do the right things or act the right way and that’s normal Albert tells Sharon and the listeners.
To start off the section Sharon mentioned that it’s ok to have negative feelings. Sharon's disability does not define her because she is a bigger person. Sharon is a full time wheelchair disabled person. The most personal growth happens at our darkest experiences, Sharon uttered. For those who are diagnosed with mental illness, there is no difference for someone who is diagnosed with a physical illness. Albert tells Sharon that he grew up with a lot of shame and guilt. Sharon remarks that the best thing you can do is ask how you can offer help when you see or know someone that is struggling with depression or anxiety. Sharon uttered that when you are dealing with other people you have to get rid of your timeline and focus on theirs.
00:00:31.350 --> 00:00:50.850 Albert Dabah: hi there everyone, my name is Albert dabba and I am the host of extra innings covering all the bases extra innings is based on a feature film that I wrote and directed and it's called extra innings it's based on a true story of mine that I wrote it takes place during the 1960s.
00:00:52.110 --> 00:01:00.300 Albert Dabah: In brooklyn it's a story about my family growing up in the challenges that we all face tonight on our show we have a special guest.
00:01:02.370 --> 00:01:17.670 Albert Dabah: Her name is Sharon burn she is a life coach and one of the things i'd like to ask the iron right off the BAT is what is a life coach what does a life coach do because i'm sure there's all kinds of different kinds of life coaches and.
00:01:18.840 --> 00:01:22.620 Albert Dabah: And i'd like to start the conversation by talking about that Sharon.
00:01:23.430 --> 00:01:31.290 Sharon Birn: Okay well Albert first i'd like to take a moment just to thank you for having me on your show tonight, I really appreciate the opportunity to be here with you.
00:01:32.130 --> 00:01:40.710 Sharon Birn: And, to answer your question as far as to what a life coach does um there are life coaches, who specialize in certain areas, and they.
00:01:41.070 --> 00:01:55.110 Sharon Birn: Just do that but, for the most part, a life coach kind of helps a person go from where they are to where they want to be, and that goal, could be anything from losing weight to.
00:01:55.920 --> 00:02:00.240 Sharon Birn: learning how to create more positive habits to learning how to think.
00:02:01.110 --> 00:02:08.340 Sharon Birn: You know, to change your thinking so it could be anything it's whatever the person wherever the person wants to go in their life.
00:02:08.760 --> 00:02:18.300 Sharon Birn: If they're having difficulty doing that, for whatever reason, a life coach will help you look at where you are where you want to be, and then help you with the how you get there.
00:02:18.780 --> 00:02:19.410 Albert Dabah: I see.
00:02:19.470 --> 00:02:20.370 Sharon Birn: What does that make sense.
00:02:20.550 --> 00:02:39.570 Albert Dabah: yeah makes sense um you know because there's all kinds of, for instance, last week I had George and TAO on my show she's a psychoanalyst there's mental health coaches there's all kinds of therapies that people go to for help and.
00:02:40.860 --> 00:02:52.950 Albert Dabah: So I think it can be confusing for you know general public for well you know what's your therapist with a life coach what's a psycho therapist and all that maybe you could explain a little bit about that.
00:02:53.160 --> 00:03:01.140 Sharon Birn: Absolutely would be my pleasure, so the way I define the difference between therapy and coaching life coaching.
00:03:02.280 --> 00:03:15.360 Sharon Birn: is basically this um they both have their place, first let me start by saying that each one has a purpose and they're both very important, but the difference is the differences, I see is that therapy.
00:03:15.960 --> 00:03:29.460 Sharon Birn: It focuses more on the past and more what happened in your life that's kind of affecting you now, and maybe preventing you from getting to where you want to be, and really delves into all that stuff.
00:03:29.850 --> 00:03:42.000 Sharon Birn: Whereas coaching and life coaching focuses more on the present and where you want it, where you are to where you want to get to, as I said in my previous in your previous question, and my answer.
00:03:42.360 --> 00:03:52.320 Sharon Birn: But we do talk about the past, but only as it's relevant to preventing you from getting to where you want to go, you know now.
00:03:53.550 --> 00:04:02.970 Sharon Birn: So um if you've had let's say difficulty with money right and you're kind of focused on how you're not.
00:04:03.360 --> 00:04:12.600 Sharon Birn: Having enough money and you're really struggling in that vein, then what we will do is we may talk about some of the money messages you've got growing up.
00:04:12.900 --> 00:04:20.220 Sharon Birn: But we won't stay there we'll just take some of those messages and show you how those messages are affecting your action now.
00:04:21.060 --> 00:04:31.230 Sharon Birn: and possibly preventing preventing you from getting from where you are now to where you want to be and we'll talk about how you can kind of rethink about those messages, so that you can move forward.
00:04:31.980 --> 00:04:41.040 Albert Dabah: I say so you um and reading some of your bio about yourself and knowing you from I may actually.
00:04:41.760 --> 00:04:55.260 Albert Dabah: know you from hiring you as a life coach as I was going as I became a life coach i'm a certified life coach and I do have an msw degree and worked as a therapist years ago.
00:04:55.860 --> 00:05:06.510 Albert Dabah: So i'm have begun working as a life coach now um you have also, I think specialized in rehab rehabilitation Is that correct.
00:05:06.720 --> 00:05:16.950 Sharon Birn: Yes, I specialize my I have a master's in education, with a specialization and rehabilitation counseling and basically what that allows me to do is.
00:05:17.460 --> 00:05:27.390 Sharon Birn: I can counsel anybody any human being, but I have the extra added arm education and training to understand the needs of.
00:05:28.200 --> 00:05:41.250 Sharon Birn: Different people with different types of disabilities, so that if they come to me for counseling I understand their diagnoses and kind of the different layers that that might put on their life and how to help them.
00:05:42.300 --> 00:05:45.810 Sharon Birn: manage that, as well, so that's what rehab counseling is all about.
00:05:46.290 --> 00:05:57.120 Albert Dabah: uh huh uh huh and had headed you on one of the things I want to get into is in a minute or so we're gonna go to a break in about a minute, but i'd like to.
00:05:58.200 --> 00:06:04.440 Albert Dabah: You know how people go into different professions there's all reasons why someone goes into something.
00:06:05.580 --> 00:06:13.470 Albert Dabah: And sometimes we change our minds and shift and go into another career and if you can after the break.
00:06:14.340 --> 00:06:21.900 Albert Dabah: tell us a little bit about why you went into life coaching what what inspired you because I think that's something that people.
00:06:22.830 --> 00:06:30.000 Albert Dabah: are always interested in when they're looking for careers to go into some if we go to seminars and go to workshops.
00:06:30.540 --> 00:06:49.290 Albert Dabah: We we go to school college or whatever it is, and we get motivated by maybe someone's talking, so why we're gonna take a break down when we get back come back with Sharon and talk about what inspired you to get into the whole coaching field.
00:06:51.450 --> 00:06:52.200 Albert Dabah: Okay, thank you.
00:09:50.610 --> 00:10:02.070 Albert Dabah: hi we're back with Sharon burn a life coach and the question is to right before the break was what inspired you Sharon to get into life coaching well.
00:10:02.340 --> 00:10:09.750 Sharon Birn: I think it was a few things, but first from a very young age, I knew that I was born to help people.
00:10:11.220 --> 00:10:26.730 Sharon Birn: So life coaching was another avenue that would allow me to do that, but ultimately also what inspired me to get into life coaching was, I wanted to help people, the way that they wanted me to help them and not the way bureaucracy.
00:10:27.750 --> 00:10:35.190 Sharon Birn: told me that I had to help them, and by that I mean when you work for somebody else you have to fit into what your job role.
00:10:35.700 --> 00:10:42.210 Sharon Birn: or job title and job role allows you to do you're not allowed a lot of times to go outside that.
00:10:42.750 --> 00:10:51.900 Sharon Birn: realm even if you have the information that could be very helpful to somebody so given that I had decided that it was time for me to.
00:10:52.620 --> 00:11:03.450 Sharon Birn: move forward and hopefully take my journey to the next level and become a life coach so that I would be able to help people the way they wanted to be helped in addition to that.
00:11:03.840 --> 00:11:11.550 Sharon Birn: i'm i'm a very action oriented person, even in my own life, and I believe that there's a lot in life that.
00:11:12.450 --> 00:11:29.430 Sharon Birn: is beyond your control and i'm very into taking control of the things and the aspects of a situation that we can take controlling and given that life coaching is very action oriented that was another piece that don't meet you my interest in like coaching.
00:11:30.570 --> 00:11:37.380 Albert Dabah: uh huh so so I said, you know, one of the things you just said that I think is really important is that there's a lot of things that are out of our control.
00:11:38.010 --> 00:11:48.150 Albert Dabah: um you know we ourselves were talking about that the other day that there's certain things we can't do anything about, but we have to learn how to live.
00:11:49.080 --> 00:11:59.520 Albert Dabah: With the results of those actions that sometimes affect you that you can't do anything about So how do you how do you how do you help someone who feels like.
00:12:00.600 --> 00:12:04.710 Albert Dabah: You know they really want to do something, but they're they're blocked from doing it, how do you.
00:12:05.790 --> 00:12:12.270 Albert Dabah: You know I guess you what you probably try to do is help them see the whole picture and try to pinpoint what they can do or.
00:12:12.420 --> 00:12:23.280 Sharon Birn: Maybe, yes, that is true, Albert but in addition to that, we have to look at is what's blocking them something that they can do something about.
00:12:23.730 --> 00:12:27.900 Sharon Birn: Or is what's blocking them something that they're not going to be able to do something about.
00:12:28.470 --> 00:12:36.420 Sharon Birn: In terms of what they want to do so if it's if it's something that they can do something about that's holding them, you know stopping them from.
00:12:37.230 --> 00:12:43.560 Sharon Birn: achieving something they want, then I would help them come to a level of acceptance of that situation.
00:12:44.460 --> 00:12:56.130 Sharon Birn: and a way of thinking about it that's a little bit more productive and healthy, in a sense, in coming to the acceptance of okay that's something that i'm really not going to be able to do something about.
00:12:56.760 --> 00:13:08.010 Sharon Birn: If it is something that they're blocked on, but they can do something about, then I generally will ask them a bunch of questions that will hopefully bring them to a clear understanding.
00:13:08.460 --> 00:13:20.670 Sharon Birn: Of what aspects, they can control, and then we talk about how they can take steps forward to start controlling those aspects of it, so they can get closer to where they want to be.
00:13:21.210 --> 00:13:34.110 Sharon Birn: An example of the difference is, I think, excuse me, I think i've shared this with you, before Albert that i'm a full time realtor user so obviously I am not going to climb a flight of stairs.
00:13:35.700 --> 00:13:40.170 Sharon Birn: Without help and even sometimes with help i'm not going to be able to climb a flight of stairs.
00:13:40.500 --> 00:13:55.560 Sharon Birn: That is something that I will never be able to change unless something scientifically happens within my lifetime to correct cerebral palsy so i've had to come to an understanding and an acceptance of the fact that my physical mobility is going to be limited.
00:13:56.730 --> 00:14:06.510 Sharon Birn: But on the same token, if there's something that I need like let's say I need to go to a certain doctor's office or I want to go to a certain.
00:14:07.410 --> 00:14:22.590 Sharon Birn: theater event of those flights of stairs and i'm not going to be able to go to that one unless they have an elevator but just because I can't go to that particular venue doesn't mean that I can't find the experience that i'm looking for somewhere else.
00:14:23.100 --> 00:14:32.190 Albert Dabah: So you mentioned cerebral palsy how did that that's something that affected you when you were young, I mean began long is that right.
00:14:33.000 --> 00:14:35.730 Sharon Birn: Yes, I was born with I was born with my disability.
00:14:35.970 --> 00:14:37.410 Sharon Birn: I said, I think that.
00:14:37.530 --> 00:14:56.490 Sharon Birn: fits into the, if I may add, I think that's it that is part of your question is I also teach people, one of the things though i'm a firm believer in Is that how we think about a situation or how we perceive and experience greatly affects.
00:14:57.570 --> 00:15:16.560 Sharon Birn: What we get out of that situation or experience and it greatly affects the outcome that we experienced from those situations so i'm a firm believer and I learned this very young, in my life that how we think about a situation and how we perceive a situation will greatly impact.
00:15:17.610 --> 00:15:18.360 Sharon Birn: How.
00:15:19.500 --> 00:15:21.180 Sharon Birn: How we navigate the world.
00:15:22.050 --> 00:15:24.810 Albert Dabah: Sometimes, excuse me so sometimes we may have.
00:15:26.010 --> 00:15:31.230 Albert Dabah: A view of something that's really not what's really going on.
00:15:32.460 --> 00:15:44.940 Albert Dabah: Because we may we may not we may be skewed because of some kind of challenge that we have within that we're struggling with so we're not seeing the full picture I mean sometimes it's hard to see the full picture.
00:15:45.900 --> 00:15:55.380 Sharon Birn: But in addition, if I may it's an old adage but it's one that works like do you look at your glass is half full or half empty mm hmm you know that's a choice.
00:15:56.520 --> 00:16:08.100 Sharon Birn: You see what i'm saying you people may not realize it, but you get to choose, do you want you wake up every day and look at your glass is half full or do you wake up every day and look at your glasses half empty so.
00:16:08.910 --> 00:16:13.530 Albert Dabah: I know i'm just kidding I would say my mind right now is half empty it's empty.
00:16:14.010 --> 00:16:18.720 Sharon Birn: So if you if you're making the choice whether it's conscious or unconscious.
00:16:19.020 --> 00:16:26.520 Sharon Birn: To look at your glass as half empty, then that's something that I would talk to you about you might not even be aware that you're doing it, hence the unconscious.
00:16:26.850 --> 00:16:40.020 Sharon Birn: But I would try and bring that into your level of awareness, because that's going to affect how you move about the world and how you whether you're successful in navigating situations or not, you know.
00:16:40.770 --> 00:16:55.050 Sharon Birn: I constantly if I constantly listen to all the negatives and naysayers in my life that told me that I wouldn't succeed at anything or, at most things, then you and I wouldn't be sitting here tonight, having this conversation.
00:16:55.440 --> 00:16:55.890 Albert Dabah: Right.
00:16:56.100 --> 00:17:01.200 Sharon Birn: So it's my goal to help people understand what their.
00:17:02.310 --> 00:17:07.980 Sharon Birn: Inner talk what their self talk is telling them and what their self talk is.
00:17:08.550 --> 00:17:20.070 Sharon Birn: is telling them and have their self talk become more effective for them and more productive, so if you're a person that tends to kind of see your glasses have half empty.
00:17:20.340 --> 00:17:33.240 Sharon Birn: i'm going to ask you what are your thoughts, what are you thinking about what kinds of things have you heard that are making you believe that your glass is half empty, and start to see if we can ship that just to using your glass is half full.
00:17:34.590 --> 00:17:40.740 Albert Dabah: Do you find do you find and then the people that you your clients that you work with.
00:17:42.030 --> 00:17:44.130 Albert Dabah: Do you find at times.
00:17:45.300 --> 00:17:53.130 Albert Dabah: You might need you know a lot of sessions with them from the get go from the beginning, how do you assess.
00:17:54.360 --> 00:18:00.510 Albert Dabah: A person who might call you, for the first time and say whatever it is they're.
00:18:01.560 --> 00:18:06.540 Albert Dabah: challenged challenges are at that time, how do you start i'm curious.
00:18:07.800 --> 00:18:20.700 Sharon Birn: Well, I think I I tend to be and i've been told by others that i'm a really good listener, so I do a lot of listening and I really kind of.
00:18:22.320 --> 00:18:33.090 Sharon Birn: go off what the client is telling me, so I generally will recommend that somebody work with me for two to three months, because I believe that there's.
00:18:33.420 --> 00:18:43.410 Sharon Birn: You know, a learning curve, where we have to get to know each other, and they have to learn a big and trust me and then the real work happens, but in terms of you know.
00:18:44.610 --> 00:18:52.020 Sharon Birn: Where do I start this may sound cliche but I start where the client needs me to start, so I don't.
00:18:53.550 --> 00:19:05.490 Sharon Birn: I, I do not kind of navigate where the sessions go I let the client navigate where each session goes, because the client will bring up what's important to them.
00:19:06.210 --> 00:19:17.850 Sharon Birn: on any particular day or meeting, but if there are recurring themes that are happening, I make sure that I bring those up you know within the sessions, as the client is bringing stuff up.
00:19:19.530 --> 00:19:20.100 So so.
00:19:21.360 --> 00:19:21.780 Albert Dabah: Sorry.
00:19:22.320 --> 00:19:24.150 Sharon Birn: So if a client is kind of.
00:19:25.590 --> 00:19:32.130 Sharon Birn: Historically, bringing up a victim kind of mentality, I will bring that to their attention.
00:19:32.670 --> 00:19:47.640 Sharon Birn: Of course gently and politely, and you know and sometimes not so gently, because sometimes clients need you to be a little bit more tough love in your approach in order to get them to move forward so hopefully that answers your question and i'm sorry you're going to say.
00:19:47.790 --> 00:19:52.320 Albert Dabah: No, well, I was I guess it's it's it's kind of like.
00:19:53.520 --> 00:20:15.480 Albert Dabah: As as a life coach or a therapist you know I think one of the challenges is how to listen and listen actively and, and I mean actively by really being present and taking what someone says, and you take notes, for instance, when someone's talking.
00:20:15.540 --> 00:20:18.900 Sharon Birn: I don't take notes, while i'm on with the person.
00:20:19.950 --> 00:20:28.050 Sharon Birn: Except for very rare occasion if they want me to remind them of something or they want me to remember something i'll tell, I will say to them.
00:20:28.290 --> 00:20:36.000 Sharon Birn: At that moment, while i'm going to write this down, so I don't forget to bring this up next time or that you wanted me to bring it up, but in terms of taking notes.
00:20:36.300 --> 00:20:49.320 Sharon Birn: While i'm having a session with somebody know generally I wait generally I wait till after the session to do that because I if i'm taking notes, then I can't really be fully listening to what they're saying.
00:20:50.250 --> 00:20:51.120 Sharon Birn: Right um.
00:20:51.480 --> 00:20:54.960 Sharon Birn: And it's part of being an active listener, is really being.
00:20:55.500 --> 00:21:04.860 Sharon Birn: Totally engaged in in that session with that person being engaged in there in what they're saying also if you're doing it virtually on zoom.
00:21:05.130 --> 00:21:16.770 Sharon Birn: or on facetime or any other you know video method to be paying attention to their body language and things like that and I don't feel that you can fully be doing that, if you're taking notes or.
00:21:17.160 --> 00:21:26.190 Albert Dabah: yeah you know, I understand that that makes sense um one of the things i'd like to we're going to go on a break soon i'd like to get back and.
00:21:26.700 --> 00:21:36.240 Albert Dabah: kind of talked about how does, how does someone, how does someone pick who to work with that seems to me that it can be.
00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:49.530 Albert Dabah: Challenging because i've heard many stories from people that they went to a therapist or coach and was told whatever they were told, and they were totally disgusted and felt like it was no help at all.
00:21:51.150 --> 00:22:07.710 Albert Dabah: And I believe in getting counseling or help when someone needs it, it really has helped me in my own life so when we get back let's let's talk about that, because I think it's I think it's a tough a can be tough with so many people out there.
00:22:08.880 --> 00:22:21.000 Albert Dabah: To find the right person for them so okay we're gonna take a break now Sharon and we'll be back very soon, or about life coaching Thank you.
00:22:24.270 --> 00:22:25.140 Albert Dabah: Talk radio.
00:22:25.350 --> 00:22:26.130 Albert Dabah: And my see.
00:25:09.540 --> 00:25:20.580 Albert Dabah: hi we're back at extra innings and we're with Sharon burn and a life coach and one of the questions I asked her right before the break was.
00:25:21.120 --> 00:25:33.210 Albert Dabah: Sharon how, how is it How can someone pick a therapist or a coach I mean what what should they look for and and how does someone find the right person for them um.
00:25:33.570 --> 00:25:34.650 Sharon Birn: I think that.
00:25:35.820 --> 00:25:49.530 Sharon Birn: You may not find the right person, you know the right therapist or a coach right off the BAT it may take a few consultations and trial and error, what you need to look for, is what I believe is a connection.
00:25:51.300 --> 00:26:00.630 Sharon Birn: If you feel that that that you have a connection or that you're feeling like you're really being listened to and that you're really being understood.
00:26:01.770 --> 00:26:13.050 Sharon Birn: Even in the first meeting with the person, then I think that's a good, you know a good jumping off point to say that maybe you'll try a few sessions, with the person, because, as you stated before the break.
00:26:13.440 --> 00:26:25.200 Sharon Birn: There are a lot of us out there, but we're not all meant to be for everybody, you know we all therapists and life coaches, we all have things that we specialize in or.
00:26:25.740 --> 00:26:35.670 Sharon Birn: That are you know that our experience has drawn us to both professionally and personally so you're going to look for somebody that has an understanding of.
00:26:36.090 --> 00:26:45.000 Sharon Birn: Maybe the area that you want helping but, even so, like I said, for me, the most important part of it all is the connection that you.
00:26:45.630 --> 00:26:56.610 Sharon Birn: The two of you make together and the mutual respect and understanding that you have for each other, and then, especially the coaching service has for the person that is seeking the help.
00:26:59.430 --> 00:27:07.890 Albert Dabah: You know what makes me think about that is that it's it's a it's a relationship it's building a relationship with someone.
00:27:08.490 --> 00:27:30.750 Albert Dabah: And someone who you feel can connect to the possible pain that you're feeling if you're feeling depressed and lonely and you just don't you know, trying to find life's direction for yourself um and you talk to someone who really listens feels like they're really listening.
00:27:31.830 --> 00:27:43.620 Albert Dabah: I myself got back into life coaching recently, as you know, as we've spoken to and and I engage with someone, the other day.
00:27:44.430 --> 00:28:01.650 Albert Dabah: And after this session, you know I offer a free consultation it's one of the things you had talked to me about that it's a good thing to do, to see if you connect and you know we connected any hired me for eight sessions right off the BAT and I was like wow.
00:28:02.250 --> 00:28:11.190 Sharon Birn: Oh, that that speaks to the importance of the connection yeah the person feel that there's a connection and that you can relate.
00:28:12.540 --> 00:28:31.080 Sharon Birn: And if the person feels that you're approachable you know I think all of those things, make a difference, I mean, as I said to you earlier, the foundation of all my coaching, no matter what coaching or counseling i'm doing, whether it be anxiety depression bereavement.
00:28:32.520 --> 00:28:41.280 Sharon Birn: Developing positive habits shifting the way you think you know because that's really that's really a thing you know, being able to shift how we're.
00:28:41.610 --> 00:28:48.450 Sharon Birn: perceiving a situation or how we're thinking about a situation or how we're thinking about how somebody is treating us so.
00:28:48.810 --> 00:29:00.150 Sharon Birn: I think that the you know, the foundation of all my coaching really comes down to that shifting how you think so it doesn't matter what i'm coaching you on it's.
00:29:00.750 --> 00:29:06.960 Sharon Birn: When i'm doing bereavement counseling, how do you look at the situation, how do you look at the loss, you know.
00:29:07.440 --> 00:29:20.340 Sharon Birn: It can either having a loss is very traumatic and either take you down a very dark path for very, very long time, or you can take you down a dark path for a little while because you're so.
00:29:20.880 --> 00:29:27.750 Sharon Birn: You know you're so hurting at that moment, but if you start to think about well would I give up the time I knew that person.
00:29:28.320 --> 00:29:31.560 Sharon Birn: And the effect they had on my life and the impact they had on my life.
00:29:32.040 --> 00:29:48.600 Sharon Birn: In order to negate the pain that i'm having now most people would answer that question with an affirmative no so no matter what kind of coaching or counseling i'm doing the foundation of everything for me is how is a person perceiving the world in which they're living.
00:29:48.900 --> 00:29:56.700 Albert Dabah: Right I, I agree, I think, I think, for instance, like if a person is grieving you know many times.
00:29:58.320 --> 00:30:01.740 Albert Dabah: A friend might say, you know you'll get over it you'll get over it, or something.
00:30:01.740 --> 00:30:11.970 Albert Dabah: like that and there's some degree and that doesn't seem to work, I think, because it's almost like bypassing the fact that that person is has a right to grieve in.
00:30:12.300 --> 00:30:12.540 Sharon Birn: fact.
00:30:12.750 --> 00:30:21.540 Albert Dabah: That right to grieve in a person needs to grieve I mean i'll give you, for instance, and you know, as you know, my story and and and film extra innings that you've seen.
00:30:21.840 --> 00:30:23.610 Sharon Birn: Which is a fabulous film, by the way.
00:30:23.940 --> 00:30:25.650 Albert Dabah: Thank you so much.
00:30:25.740 --> 00:30:26.340 Sharon Birn: you're welcome.
00:30:27.090 --> 00:30:31.260 Albert Dabah: um and losing two siblings to suicide.
00:30:32.280 --> 00:30:53.370 Albert Dabah: was obviously very traumatic for me and each one in their own time and they, for me, you know I had many people are some people friends of mine, asked me by making the movie did you did you get closure on it, and my response is no I don't think there's closure on that.
00:30:54.450 --> 00:31:00.480 Sharon Birn: I don't think you're ever get closure completely and I think that's what people don't understand I didn't mean to interrupt you all but.
00:31:01.260 --> 00:31:11.520 Sharon Birn: there's no right or wrong way to grieve there's no right or wrong way to experience depression or anxiety, or any of these things that people struggle with and.
00:31:12.540 --> 00:31:21.300 Sharon Birn: it's all about the human experience and about each individual person, so I think that when we try to put societal.
00:31:22.110 --> 00:31:30.570 Sharon Birn: norms on these things that's what really gets us tripped up you know part of the reason that I do the kind of coaching I do.
00:31:31.140 --> 00:31:36.900 Sharon Birn: And the counseling that I do now, as opposed to what I did when I was working for someone else.
00:31:37.650 --> 00:31:59.880 Sharon Birn: is also because I feel that there's a lot of people in this world that are experiencing mental illness and hidden diagnoses and disabilities or very misunderstood mislabeled mistreated and I wanted to be able to bring that message forward, because as far as for as far as we have come.
00:32:00.930 --> 00:32:09.630 Sharon Birn: to eradicate the stigma on mental illness, we have not come far enough and people who experienced depression, anxiety.
00:32:10.980 --> 00:32:21.810 Sharon Birn: You know dyslexia ADHD all the things that are hidden and not necessarily seen like I said not to be redundant they're so misunderstood and it was so frustrating for me.
00:32:22.260 --> 00:32:27.720 Sharon Birn: to watch these people that I help, and I also have a son, who was diagnosed with.
00:32:28.350 --> 00:32:39.780 Sharon Birn: All of these ADHD anxiety and depression, who I watched be so misunderstood by the school system and my relatives and my friends, and it was just so important for me to kind of.
00:32:40.590 --> 00:32:52.140 Sharon Birn: shift what I was doing to help the people who you can't see their limiting for me, you can see my mobility impairment, so you can kind of wrap your brain around it, but for somebody who's.
00:32:52.770 --> 00:33:05.340 Sharon Birn: Dealing with anxiety and depression that can have such a grip on you, but you you become paralyzed and people think, oh no, they just have to learn to get over it, they just have to force themselves to do it.
00:33:06.030 --> 00:33:16.500 Sharon Birn: And there's not any person with any mental illness that doesn't want to do things differently, they do, but it's really difficult and because of that they take a lot of.
00:33:17.520 --> 00:33:22.710 Sharon Birn: mistreatment and a lot of misunderstanding, I know I keep using those words but those are the words that really come to mind.
00:33:23.880 --> 00:33:35.790 Sharon Birn: When talking about that and so that's part of the reason also why I began to do the work that I do now was because I wanted people to understand situations like.
00:33:36.960 --> 00:33:47.790 Sharon Birn: You know the clients, I was helping in the parts that they couldn't see and situations like my son was experiencing and situations like you've experienced in your family and the.
00:33:49.110 --> 00:33:54.990 Sharon Birn: You know it's been years for you, but that doesn't mean that you're over it, you don't get over at time just.
00:33:56.160 --> 00:33:59.430 Sharon Birn: It shifts and it changes, but it doesn't go away.
00:33:59.610 --> 00:34:08.700 Albert Dabah: You know it's it's it's interesting because you know it has sensitize me too many things that some people wouldn't be sensitized to.
00:34:11.550 --> 00:34:19.710 Albert Dabah: I mean i'll tell you a story is kind of funny i've talked to you about my my my girlfriend lizzie and we were watching a movie last night and I started to cry.
00:34:20.580 --> 00:34:29.880 Albert Dabah: And during the scene and she said you're crying at that scene and I just really felt the scene of How sad, it was.
00:34:30.570 --> 00:34:53.220 Albert Dabah: Because it's not difficult for me to feel the pain of someone else at time i'm really open to listening to whether it's a film, I mean that's what the films are made for to engage you and show you humanity, it depends what film, of course, make you laugh make you cry and.
00:34:55.440 --> 00:35:10.020 Albert Dabah: I I see how by for my own self how you know, or if I do something wrong how I feel terrible about it, and I want to apologize for it, or I want, I want to do the right thing.
00:35:10.860 --> 00:35:17.160 Albert Dabah: And sometimes it's it's it's difficult, you know we don't always do the right thing we don't always say the right thing.
00:35:18.810 --> 00:35:33.030 Albert Dabah: But I think we have to really think like you know, like you say the glass headphone might be positive about things and go go forth in a positive way that doesn't mean there's not you can't be you know you know feel sadness, or something like that.
00:35:33.420 --> 00:35:39.480 Albert Dabah: But because there's a lot, you know there's a lot of that around we're gonna have to go to a break.
00:35:40.440 --> 00:35:55.080 Albert Dabah: And I think you know this pick up on that, because sometimes people are really afraid and we'll talk, I want to talk a little bit about the stigma of mental illness, the stigma of feeling, you know depressed what what is that about how can we help that, how can we, you know.
00:35:55.530 --> 00:35:59.250 Albert Dabah: Absolutely okay all right, thank you, Sharon we'll be right back.
00:35:59.340 --> 00:36:00.090 Sharon Birn: Thank you, our.
00:38:17.070 --> 00:38:24.840 Albert Dabah: hi we're back at the extra innings podcast with Sharon burn and we're going to pick up on, we were talking about the stigma.
00:38:25.320 --> 00:38:39.360 Albert Dabah: of mental illness or put it as the stigma of when someone's feeling bad or depressed and sometimes they just don't know what to do about it and they feel if they talk about it, it shows weakness Sharon and tell us your experience and.
00:38:39.600 --> 00:38:40.950 Sharon Birn: What will you think about well.
00:38:41.280 --> 00:38:51.990 Sharon Birn: First, I want to say, because I am and I have said it on this podcast that I am a big believer in how you perceive situation really affect the impact they have on you and the outcome.
00:38:52.530 --> 00:39:15.270 Sharon Birn: But I also want the flip side of that is a very important flip side of that coin is that it's okay to have negative feelings it's part of the human experience to have said or what we would consider negative or not so positive feelings and to be very candid I.
00:39:16.350 --> 00:39:26.430 Sharon Birn: have grown up with a disability and know my disability is not everything that is not the only thing that i'm about and it doesn't define me.
00:39:27.660 --> 00:39:33.060 Sharon Birn: But there have been many times, where I have been depressed at you know growing up.
00:39:33.870 --> 00:39:42.720 Sharon Birn: And struggled with impacts that my disability had on me and there were other times, where I was just upset or angry about something completely different.
00:39:43.170 --> 00:39:56.730 Sharon Birn: But I would give myself, and I still do this up to 24 hours to have what I call a pity party Okay, sometimes most times I don't even use the 24 hours, but I give myself that much time.
00:39:57.210 --> 00:40:10.110 Sharon Birn: And then, and because I think that experiencing those emotions are very important, because to just try and ignore them and not validate them and not deal with them.
00:40:11.070 --> 00:40:23.940 Sharon Birn: doesn't make them go away, and I also believe that some of the most important personal growth that anybody can experience happens in our darkest moments, but let me say this um.
00:40:25.140 --> 00:40:36.420 Sharon Birn: After you're done with your pity party, I do think that's where I become I told you before that i'm very action oriented person and that's where I flip the switch, and I say okay.
00:40:37.350 --> 00:40:45.840 Sharon Birn: i'm done for now feeling bad about this or feeling sorry for myself, whatever it is what aspects of this situation, can I do something about.
00:40:46.530 --> 00:40:55.290 Sharon Birn: It may not be the whole thing, but I pick one aspect of that situation that I can do something about and I start focusing on that as a way to move forward.
00:40:56.550 --> 00:41:05.490 Sharon Birn: So I think that one of the ways how that relates to what you're asking me is, you know how do we get around the stigma of.
00:41:05.910 --> 00:41:12.150 Sharon Birn: People who are diagnosed with mental illness or people that are struggling with these things is to remember that.
00:41:12.930 --> 00:41:24.780 Sharon Birn: it's part of the human experience for all of us to experience these things, and these emotions, but for some of us it's more and for those that are diagnosed with a mental illness.
00:41:25.290 --> 00:41:45.840 Sharon Birn: or it's no different than being diagnosed with a physical illness like diabetes or high blood pressure or or lupus or cerebral palsy or thousand more that I can mention millions more that I mentioned, they are truly medical.
00:41:47.430 --> 00:41:53.400 Sharon Birn: Situations medical conditions men medical illnesses that just happened to affect the brain.
00:41:54.480 --> 00:42:06.300 Sharon Birn: So rather than put somebody down for it, or just tell them they need to get over it, I think that we need to be a little bit more open minded to what might be going on.
00:42:07.230 --> 00:42:13.710 Albert Dabah: yeah no I I totally agree and I think that's that's the hard part because there are you know, there are people who.
00:42:14.790 --> 00:42:27.240 Albert Dabah: Just you know we kind of walk around with blinders on and don't really look at a whole situation or think more about themselves in their own family than anyone else, and that.
00:42:27.810 --> 00:42:46.170 Albert Dabah: Unless something hits them directly it's hard for them to understand why someone would feel a certain way, you know when I decided to write my film um you know I I didn't know if I could write it I didn't know what would happen, I had no idea, but I knew there was something.
00:42:47.250 --> 00:42:52.950 Albert Dabah: That was inside me that I had to get out and I knew I grew up with a lot of.
00:42:54.150 --> 00:42:58.230 Albert Dabah: guilt and shame and, yes, things occurred within my family and.
00:42:59.670 --> 00:43:07.140 Albert Dabah: You know it when when there are within your family two people committing suicide it.
00:43:08.730 --> 00:43:26.100 Albert Dabah: it's not just the act of suicide is what led up to it and and and I was very aware and it took me, you know I mean it, it took me to actually write it out and and and and express it that way and.
00:43:26.640 --> 00:43:34.950 Sharon Birn: Well, I think in terms of what you were asking me as well, Albert if I heard you correctly, so correct me if i'm wrong, but you asked what we can do.
00:43:35.760 --> 00:43:45.390 Sharon Birn: You know, to help you know, change the stigma and not have their be as much as one or even have their reward and I think it's about education.
00:43:45.780 --> 00:43:56.580 Sharon Birn: I mean, I know that the whole lot of education going on about mental illness now, but I think there needs to be more, and I think there needs to we need, we need to do it until.
00:43:58.110 --> 00:44:10.590 Sharon Birn: until the day where somebody can say i'm struggling with depression i'm struggling let's get to Friday i'm struggling with anxiety i'm diagnosed with this i'm diagnosed with that, until it becomes commonplace is somebody saying.
00:44:11.580 --> 00:44:17.160 Sharon Birn: i'm a diabetic and I need to take insulin I think that we have to be willing to do it until.
00:44:17.820 --> 00:44:18.090 Right.
00:44:19.170 --> 00:44:26.010 Sharon Birn: If we don't know and we're not sure The other thing that I want to encourage people to do is just ask.
00:44:26.790 --> 00:44:35.970 Sharon Birn: If you're not sure what's going on and it doesn't mean that there has to be a diagnosis of a mental illness, but if you see somebody struggling and you're not sure what to do.
00:44:36.510 --> 00:44:46.530 Sharon Birn: Just ask, I mean or if you know somebody is depressed if you know someone who struggles with depression or anxiety or anything, one of the best things you can do for that person.
00:44:46.980 --> 00:44:58.560 Sharon Birn: Is say what can I do for you, how can I help and sometimes that person might say I don't know and they're being serious they're not trying to brush you off.
00:44:58.860 --> 00:45:07.620 Sharon Birn: So that's where you can say that a person well since you don't know what I can do and i'm not sure what to do, what if I just sit with you, what if I just stay with you.
00:45:08.550 --> 00:45:18.540 Sharon Birn: Instead of getting mad at them for giving you a general general or generic answer understand that for many people with mental illness, they don't know.
00:45:19.560 --> 00:45:28.380 Sharon Birn: Somebody that's depressed can't always tell you in the moment well i'm depressed because of that somebody with anxiety certainly can't can tell you that they're feeling anxious.
00:45:28.680 --> 00:45:43.680 Sharon Birn: But they can often tell you what is making them anxious at that moment yeah and that's a real thing, but we they wish they knew what was causing their anxiety or depression, at that moment, so they could fix it.
00:45:44.190 --> 00:45:57.030 Albert Dabah: What yeah and I think, to add to that I think sometimes people really I mean to get to that point where they know something where they can see what it is that's bothering them is they need to vent and vent with the person that's really listening.
00:45:57.390 --> 00:45:57.870 Because.
00:45:58.980 --> 00:46:00.900 Albert Dabah: You know whether you know it could be a trauma.
00:46:00.930 --> 00:46:14.970 Albert Dabah: something that happened exactly that they they don't realize why it's still affecting them because people you know might say, oh it's been a year ready, you know so that happened, it was terrible, but you know you need to move on, or something like that.
00:46:16.710 --> 00:46:18.000 Sharon Birn: I think we need to get rid of.
00:46:19.110 --> 00:46:32.370 Sharon Birn: When we're dealing with other people, whether it's a friend family member client what whatever we need to get rid of our own timelines what we see is the not what we would consider the norm, or the norm for us.
00:46:32.700 --> 00:46:40.890 Sharon Birn: Right, there is no, there is no set timeline for how somebody gets over from our House at work through something.
00:46:41.220 --> 00:46:51.300 Albert Dabah: Well that's what that's why, when people said, you know, do you have closure when you did the movie I said no it's not closure, I mean it's it's opening it up to the world and let people know and i've seen people be.
00:46:51.750 --> 00:46:56.460 Albert Dabah: At the film, you know with live screenings and different reviews are different people.
00:46:56.460 --> 00:47:02.100 Albert Dabah: right back to me and saying wow I never knew that when.
00:47:02.550 --> 00:47:22.110 Sharon Birn: I think what i'm hearing you say, and I think what i've heard a lot of my clients say it's not a certain thing like your movie doesn't necessarily give you closure, it allows you to get your feelings out and and bring a message to the world that you're hoping will be helpful.
00:47:23.370 --> 00:47:35.640 Sharon Birn: To yourself and many others, but it's not about closure on when you experience a traumatic event I don't know that you can ever have full you're on that event.
00:47:36.180 --> 00:47:50.100 Sharon Birn: I think, as you evolve as you evolve as a person that went through that traumatic event that traumatic event kind of evolved with you and your growth, but I don't know that there's ever a closure on it, I don't know that there could ever be.
00:47:50.370 --> 00:47:56.640 Albert Dabah: yeah well we're coming to an end to the show here, I just want to say Sharon welcome How can people reach you how.
00:47:57.360 --> 00:48:10.140 Sharon Birn: People can reach me many different ways, but one one way for short is they can email me at shine shine burned calm, they can check me out on my website, which is.
00:48:10.800 --> 00:48:23.400 Sharon Birn: possibilities are infinite.com and it's the word possibilities, the letter R the word infinite.com and you know you can definitely reach me one of those two ways.
00:48:24.300 --> 00:48:31.230 Sharon Birn: My phone number my direct phone number is on my websites, you can get that that way as well and.
00:48:31.950 --> 00:48:42.030 Sharon Birn: reach out to me any way that I can help anybody that's really what I was born to do honestly that is not just me saying something so or saying it but.
00:48:42.330 --> 00:48:50.190 Sharon Birn: I was born to help people, so if you feel after the hearing me tonight that I might be able to help you or somebody that you know, please reach out and don't hesitate.
00:48:50.700 --> 00:49:10.020 Albert Dabah: Oh Thank you so much for being on tonight Sharon burn and again i'm Albert dabba watch the film extra innings if you have a chance on Amazon prime i'm also a life coach where you can go to a dabba coaching COM Thank you so much, Sharon for joining us tonight.
00:49:10.140 --> 00:49:11.460 Sharon Birn: Thank you for having me Albert.
00:49:11.790 --> 00:49:12.780 Albert Dabah: speak to you soon.
00:49:13.020 --> 00:49:15.210 Sharon Birn: All the better bye bye all right.