Nancy Slonim Aronie was the Visiting Writer at Trinity College in Hartford, Ct. where she taught classes in Literary nonfiction, wrote a monthly column in McCalls Magazine, and was the recipient of the Eye of the Beholder Residency at The Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston.
Aronie won the Teacher of the Year award for the three years she taught for Robert Coles at Harvard University.
She is the author of Writing from the Heart; Tapping the Power of your Inner Voice (Hyperion) and the founder of the Chilmark Writing Workshop on Martha Vineyard dard. She teaches Jumpstart Your Memoir; Writing from Your Heart.
In this episode, Albert speaks with Nancy about expression through writing, and their outlooks on mentally healthy living.
Albert introduces Nancy to the audience as a very beautiful caring friend and mother. Nancy owns a couple of writing workshops throughout the United States and how each and one of them are wonderful. Nancy is mentioning that when she was younger she had never attended a workshop but she loves writing. Nancy Slonim Aronie has taught college english and also high school english. Nancy states that her workshops are all about being real and being able to express yourself through writing. After that Albert expresses that when it comes to writing it's all about writing from the bottom of your heart and learning new things you never knew about yourself. Before this section ended Nancy recommended Albert to start meditating before and Albert remarks that he has been meditating and a lot of good things have gone his way.
Nancy starts off by saying that her son was diagnosed with diabetes just at 9 months old. Since that day Nancy declares that she has been the best mother and friend a child could ask for. Nancy's son grew up to have special needs but Nancy describes as always being joyful, delighted and fortunate. Unfortunately Dam Nancy’s son died at the age of 38. Dam always looks at both of his parents as heroes because they were the only ones that supported him, the only ones that made him happy, and most importantly the only ones that made him feel loved and cared at all times. Before the section ended Albert remarks that, “ … life is being willing to have a broken heart and being willing to feel joy…”
Nancy starts off by saying that she does not teach writing. She believes that everyone develops the writing skill naturally and also by being passionate about it. Nancy remarks that Art is not is not teachable. Albert jumps in the conversation by mentioning that he communicates with his girlfriend that he met 6 months ago by writing. Albert and his girlfriend communicate by writing down Haikus because they are romantic and also simple. Later on Albert recites that when you are listening to opinions, you should always listen to the positive ones and the negative ones.
Now Nancy is telling an amazing and wonderful experience she had with her son before he died that she even recorded. Later on Nancy and Albert discuss that you should never care about what others think. Because Life is simply too short, other people don’t know you, and also because it’s an unnecessary stress. The show ended by Nancy acknowledging that you should never judge people and never take stuff personally because if you do, you will always be miserable.
00:00:34.380 --> 00:00:41.730 Albert Dabah: Hello, everybody. Good evening. My name is Albert Dabba and I am the host of extra innings.
00:00:43.140 --> 00:00:53.730 Albert Dabah: extra innings is a podcast show that I began recently and it is the same title of the film. I made called extra innings, which is now on Amazon Prime.
00:00:54.540 --> 00:01:18.000 Albert Dabah: I also have a production company called Simba productions for the last 40 years that produced extra innings, and I have worked as a therapist have an MSW degree and recently received a life coaching certificate so tonight on our show, we have the most amazing women I've ever met.
00:01:19.110 --> 00:01:21.750 Albert Dabah: She's a woman I met at kripalu
00:01:22.860 --> 00:01:31.590 Albert Dabah: Center in the Berkshires and Lenox Massachusetts teaching a writing workshop or leading a writing workshop. I'll say.
00:01:32.760 --> 00:01:41.460 Albert Dabah: Called jumpstart your memoir writing from the heart. Her name is Nancy Ernie Ernie. Sorry. Nancy Ernie
00:01:42.810 --> 00:01:43.320 Albert Dabah: And
00:01:44.880 --> 00:01:56.370 Albert Dabah: She has so many stories, she can talk about. So I'll begin by asking Nancy to talk a little bit about how she got into
00:01:57.900 --> 00:02:16.140 Albert Dabah: Leading these workshops. And by the way, before she gets going. I'd like to say that I have taken four or five of these workshops, one in her beautiful studio buyer home in Martha's Vineyard So Nancy, welcome to the show tonight and say hello to everyone.
00:02:36.090 --> 00:02:39.240 Nancy Aronie: Okay, now you can hear me. Yeah, no, it looks like
00:02:39.300 --> 00:02:39.510 Yeah.
00:02:41.100 --> 00:02:54.270 Nancy Aronie: Yeah. So I'll start again. And I'll tell you how brilliant you are and how much I love the film and how much I love you and how honored I am to be your guest on your podcast. Thank you wanted to know, um,
00:02:55.410 --> 00:03:05.670 Nancy Aronie: How and why I started the workshop. So their workshop is called writing from the heart. And I would say I had never planned to do such a thing, but I had been in
00:03:06.210 --> 00:03:17.910 Nancy Aronie: A writing group very late in life. And I was invited to be part of this group and they were all published fancy, fancy writers and I got there, they had been meeting for years and
00:03:18.870 --> 00:03:31.020 Nancy Aronie: The first person who read. She was like a pre designated reader and she read her piece, and it was fabulous. When she finished the first person who responded sounded like this.
00:03:32.610 --> 00:03:41.580 Nancy Aronie: You know her it I found out that your characters were really rather one dimensional. I mean, I couldn't relate to them give vault.
00:03:42.210 --> 00:03:48.900 Nancy Aronie: And then, one by one, everybody in that room said something negative to her and I had never been in a writing
00:03:49.290 --> 00:03:56.880 Nancy Aronie: Group before and I had, you know, I was a writer and I had to had some things published but these were these I thought these would be my mentors.
00:03:57.420 --> 00:04:14.430 Nancy Aronie: And I just was kind of very sad and frightened and intimidated by this kind of response. And then there was food and I you know I'm, I'm, I'm a desert gal. I'm actually an equal opportunity eater. I'll have, I'll have anything
00:04:16.470 --> 00:04:17.160 Nancy Aronie: They had
00:04:18.300 --> 00:04:18.960 Nancy Aronie: They had
00:04:20.190 --> 00:04:35.580 Nancy Aronie: Some, some unbelievable dessert table and I glommed and I socialized and I left, and the next week. They had another pre designated reader and she read her piece. It was stunning. I know good writing stunning
00:04:37.560 --> 00:04:45.480 Nancy Aronie: The first person who responded must have had her jaw wired shut, but the same surgeon because she said, you know, Harriet.
00:04:46.530 --> 00:04:56.340 Nancy Aronie: Are really have to admire your perseverance. I mean, you just don't quit. Do you, dear, you just don't quit. Do you deer, the deer on the end of it. Oh my god.
00:04:56.850 --> 00:05:04.350 Nancy Aronie: And then, honestly, one by one, everybody in that room made some kind of criticism, some kind of negative thing.
00:05:04.920 --> 00:05:15.900 Nancy Aronie: And I, I didn't say anything. You know, I was like, thinking they're going to think I'm a little Pollyanna so I didn't even say anything, even though I knew the piece was good and then they had
00:05:17.100 --> 00:05:27.150 Nancy Aronie: They had peach cobbler. The first time with you know real peaches and real lard, which you should have. If you're going to have peach cobbler. And then this was like a blueberry thing was fabulous.
00:05:27.690 --> 00:05:39.780 Nancy Aronie: And I ate and I schmoozed with the people that I didn't like already and I got home and my husband said, how was it. And I said, oh my god mean spirited, these people are just not nice, not nice people.
00:05:40.500 --> 00:05:50.640 Nancy Aronie: And he said you going back. I said, Yeah, yeah, I'm going back I'm reading next time. And he said, and you're not nervous. I said, no, they wouldn't do it to the new person. Oh.
00:05:51.090 --> 00:06:03.900 Nancy Aronie: Albert. Why didn't you call me on the phone and say, go. So I went and I read something that I was very sure of that. I felt very confident about and they did such a job on me.
00:06:05.070 --> 00:06:14.580 Nancy Aronie: That I actually put the APPLE CRISP in my mouth afterwards and couldn't swallow in the car crying.
00:06:15.090 --> 00:06:25.770 Nancy Aronie: And I didn't write for two years. I didn't write for two years, even though I knew they were wrong. I didn't write for two years and I still can't get over the fact that we give our power over to people that
00:06:26.370 --> 00:06:36.690 Nancy Aronie: Have no right to have our power. So I didn't write and I finally did and we had a very successful Plexiglas business and we made a lot of money for a short while.
00:06:37.530 --> 00:06:44.220 Nancy Aronie: And then we lost everything. And I had to take my little tennis outfit off and I had to get real. And I had to get a job.
00:06:44.700 --> 00:06:51.540 Nancy Aronie: And it was too late to get a teaching job school had already started and I put a little ad in the paper. And I said, writing workshop in my home.
00:06:52.170 --> 00:07:07.500 Nancy Aronie: And about 12 people came and I kind of knew them all. Little bit. And guess what, same thing happened they criticize each other they judged each other. They put each other down. I saw shoulders go up faces get constricted.
00:07:08.670 --> 00:07:21.600 Nancy Aronie: And the writing that generic writing that very safe and not interesting and I didn't know I had never facilitated I had taught college English in high school English, but I had never taught a workshop
00:07:22.350 --> 00:07:39.930 Nancy Aronie: I was calling it writing from the heart for God's sakes. This was not heart. This was green, so it ended and I swore that I would never do it again. I said, I'm just not good at this. And then I did again and this second workshop when the people came to my home.
00:07:41.430 --> 00:07:46.830 Nancy Aronie: I said, you know, I've only done this once and I failed miserably but I learned something.
00:07:47.880 --> 00:07:57.810 Nancy Aronie: Creativity requires safety, you will be safe here, I have one rule. And that is when you finish reading, we will tell you what we love.
00:07:58.950 --> 00:08:08.730 Nancy Aronie: And that's what I do. To this day, and of course it works. It works for me when I was first married and I used to call Joel on the phone and I'd read him a piece, an engineer.
00:08:09.510 --> 00:08:13.710 Nancy Aronie: And he would say I think he got I think you got two pieces in their bed.
00:08:14.400 --> 00:08:22.560 Nancy Aronie: And I, you know, I'm going to swear, but you can cut it out. You can believe it out. And I would say, fuck you, you know nothing about writing and I would hang up and basically
00:08:23.160 --> 00:08:29.280 Nancy Aronie: I had two pieces in there. I tend to teach him what I really need is for you to tell me I'm brilliant
00:08:29.580 --> 00:08:41.130 Nancy Aronie: Find something you loved. Tell me that. And then you can give me the criticism afterwards but don't start out with the criticism because then I'm just destroyed. I'm too sensitive. It's too early. It's too soon.
00:08:41.610 --> 00:08:51.420 Nancy Aronie: I've had professional writers who've had books. They're still beginners every time you sit down, you're a beginner that rule of tell so and so what you loved
00:08:51.930 --> 00:08:59.760 Nancy Aronie: It's just nourishing and it's just safe you want re criticism, go find an editor, but in my workshop. This is about being
00:09:00.210 --> 00:09:04.620 Nancy Aronie: This is about being real. This is about saying this is who I am, this is what happened to me.
00:09:04.980 --> 00:09:16.980 Nancy Aronie: And about getting the kind of feedback. So you go back to the drawing board and you do more and you do more and you do more and you're juiced it's about being inspired and and being willing to take the chance of saying this is who I am.
00:09:18.180 --> 00:09:18.600 Nancy Aronie: That's
00:09:18.660 --> 00:09:27.810 Albert Dabah: This. Yeah, yeah, Nancy. That's great. And what it makes me think about is being in your workshops, what you just said because
00:09:28.890 --> 00:09:41.370 Albert Dabah: In taking your workshops, I really felt that whole idea of surrendering and taking risks, and it doesn't matter what you write, how you write it
00:09:42.990 --> 00:09:44.520 Albert Dabah: Like let it go.
00:09:46.620 --> 00:09:58.590 Albert Dabah: And and honestly I remember the first one I was the only man in the workshop and and then every other one, there seemed to be two men to be men for men.
00:09:59.910 --> 00:10:02.790 Albert Dabah: So that was, you know, nice.
00:10:04.140 --> 00:10:07.140 Albert Dabah: But I think the thing that I really felt was a sense of
00:10:08.190 --> 00:10:17.550 Albert Dabah: Everyone was giving and and some mean everyone had different experiences in their lives and different degrees of writing experience.
00:10:18.000 --> 00:10:29.970 Albert Dabah: And I never. I mean, there were some people that in the four or five I took that were brilliant in terms of words, they were using that I never ever could. You know, some, some people are amazing.
00:10:30.930 --> 00:10:43.140 Albert Dabah: But I really felt what's really underneath it all is what you say writing from the heart because you could throw all kinds of words together. But is it from the heart and
00:10:44.130 --> 00:11:00.840 Albert Dabah: And I think it's all good it but when the whole idea of writing from the heart means that you're risking yourself to say what is your really feel, and I, I mean, quite honestly, I in this new relationship. I told you I have with the woman.
00:11:01.110 --> 00:11:10.410 Albert Dabah: Yeah, and I thank you so much. I give you so much credit for this relationship because and I tell her name is Lizzie and
00:11:10.860 --> 00:11:23.370 Albert Dabah: I had a breakup, or someone broke up with me and I was devastated. I thought I was gonna go somewhere and you told me when I told you about this. You said very directly. When you meditate.
00:11:23.850 --> 00:11:34.980 Albert Dabah: Which I have had started meditating, about a year before and you said to me. Put that in your meditation you want someone looking for a long term relationship and someone with an open heart that's all you said
00:11:35.790 --> 00:11:46.260 Albert Dabah: And that's all I needed to hear. And then five or six weeks later, and this is during covert I met this wonderful woman, and it's six months to tomorrow that we've met.
00:11:47.790 --> 00:11:58.620 Nancy Aronie: honey bunch. You know, I've been listening to Deepak Chopra again and he said something the other day that is just amazing attention increases.
00:12:00.030 --> 00:12:14.640 Nancy Aronie: Intention transforms so attention. Anything you pay attention to, like, I want to meet someone like I need to have enough money to get a car like I want to get something published that's attention. It's going to increase because everything's about energy right
00:12:15.720 --> 00:12:23.760 Nancy Aronie: Intention when you actually set the intention and say this is I want to meet someone, I want to launch or I want I want somebody to be in my heart.
00:12:24.420 --> 00:12:35.670 Nancy Aronie: That's the intention and it transforms its energy and it transforms and it manifests. I know I'm a manifester I get it sounds really weird, but I do get everything
00:12:36.840 --> 00:12:40.650 Nancy Aronie: So the thing about the writing. The reason that works is because of the vulnerability
00:12:41.220 --> 00:12:50.220 Nancy Aronie: If I mean there's a lot of clever writing out there. There's a lot of good wordsmiths but the vulnerability is the part that says, I'm not perfect.
00:12:50.880 --> 00:13:03.210 Nancy Aronie: I screwed up. And then I can identify and say, Oh, me too. Our stories are totally different. Our details are totally different. But guess what I also know loss. I also know grief.
00:13:03.750 --> 00:13:20.550 Nancy Aronie: I also know what it's like to walk around saying I can't make just hurt so much. I just want to just crawl into a little ball and have someone take care of me. So we all share that, that it's when you're covering it up and pretending. Everything's fine. That doesn't work. Yeah.
00:13:21.450 --> 00:13:30.510 Albert Dabah: Yeah, well let's pick up on. We're going to go into a commercial in a short little time now. So I'd like to pick up on what you just ended with
00:13:30.840 --> 00:13:42.810 Albert Dabah: About how we're all have that vulnerability in us and we all share this. It's just a matter of how we share it and express it. So we'll be right back with Nancy
00:13:43.890 --> 00:13:44.460 Albert Dabah: Irony
00:13:48.210 --> 00:13:48.480 Albert Dabah: Hey,
00:16:01.410 --> 00:16:12.030 Albert Dabah: Hi there, we're back. How you doing, we're back with Nancy irony and we were left off talking about
00:16:13.080 --> 00:16:25.380 Albert Dabah: Vulnerability and grief and loss. I'm in my film extra innings. It deals with family, it's based on a true story. My true story takes place in Brooklyn in the 1960s.
00:16:25.830 --> 00:16:39.120 Albert Dabah: And tragically, I lost my brother and sister to suicide and it wasn't like just, you know, an event boom suicide it everything within the family things lead up to people doing what they do.
00:16:39.780 --> 00:17:00.810 Albert Dabah: People being depressed people being happy people being depressed and unhappy and, you know, life changes all the time, and how we deal with it. I'm Nancy, I know in your life. You've had a loss and grief, you've had so many things happening in your life. You've met so many inspirational people
00:17:01.890 --> 00:17:07.020 Albert Dabah: Maybe if you can share with us some of whatever you'd like to share about that.
00:17:07.710 --> 00:17:15.780 Nancy Aronie: Well, you know, my, my Sunday I got diabetes at nine months old and at the time. He was the youngest diabetic and medical history.
00:17:16.590 --> 00:17:23.490 Nancy Aronie: The doctors didn't even know what to do. And so we were quite lost. I remember they gave us a diet sheet of what to feed him.
00:17:24.000 --> 00:17:29.490 Nancy Aronie: And, you know, we're looking at the sheet and it's Campbell's with mushroom soup. He's a baby.
00:17:30.000 --> 00:17:36.180 Nancy Aronie: And Campbell's string means and Campbell's this and count the things that was salt and everything and
00:17:36.690 --> 00:17:44.430 Nancy Aronie: It was sponsored by camp. They didn't know anything about health food. They didn't know anything about real nourishment. They didn't even know how to test his blood sugar.
00:17:44.730 --> 00:17:50.970 Nancy Aronie: We used to put this little plastic bag over his tiny little penis collect the urine to test it.
00:17:51.510 --> 00:17:58.920 Nancy Aronie: And he would get like sores on his belly and wake up in the morning and I mean it's a miracle that he was able to be a lover, which
00:17:59.280 --> 00:18:04.530 Nancy Aronie: He had no trouble with. But I mean, when I think about the attention that was paid to that part of the poor little body.
00:18:05.010 --> 00:18:10.050 Nancy Aronie: And then it turned out that that they were invalid those tests they weren't even because it was old urine.
00:18:10.500 --> 00:18:18.060 Nancy Aronie: They knew nothing. And so we started to really educate ourselves and we were no health food stores. Yet, there certainly was no internet
00:18:18.330 --> 00:18:24.180 Nancy Aronie: So everything we found out we were researching. We go to the library. We were trying to find out Jerusalem artichokes.
00:18:24.480 --> 00:18:30.840 Nancy Aronie: they lower the blood sugar. Who ever heard of Jerusalem artichokes. I mean, do you go to Jerusalem for them. Everything about
00:18:31.170 --> 00:18:36.090 Nancy Aronie: The learning curve was stunning and my husband, I very different. We were a great team.
00:18:36.420 --> 00:18:46.140 Nancy Aronie: I was doing the emotional he was doing the science. We were figuring out how to do this. But, you know, Dan grew up extremely angry. I had a little TV local TV show with
00:18:46.590 --> 00:18:52.470 Nancy Aronie: Chronically ill kids and they would come on and I would talk to them, you know, they had every disease possible
00:18:52.950 --> 00:18:58.920 Nancy Aronie: And when I get to Dan, I had Dan on the show. That's why it took the show in the first place so that he gets some valid.
00:18:59.550 --> 00:19:12.750 Nancy Aronie: Self esteem. Yeah. I asked him what the hardest part for him, was anyone. I've never had a hot fudge sundae was like oh leaves the guy would go out for Halloween and get one bag.
00:19:13.230 --> 00:19:19.860 Nancy Aronie: Of candy and bring it home and I would trade him and buy the candy from him, so he could buy Matchbox cars and all this stuff.
00:19:20.310 --> 00:19:29.010 Nancy Aronie: And the other bag of candy. He would hide in his closet. This guy became such a pro at fooling us anyway he he he was angry.
00:19:29.430 --> 00:19:36.330 Nancy Aronie: Funny beautiful and at 22 he got Ms. Now, they were both autoimmune. They were both
00:19:37.050 --> 00:19:50.580 Nancy Aronie: A devastating diseases, and he was already angry. I have a take on it myself. I personally feel like he held himself in such rigidity, because he was so angry and so terrified. We were terrified.
00:19:51.030 --> 00:19:59.490 Nancy Aronie: That he probably didn't have any flow in this poor little system, but it's 22 we got Ms. By the time he was 25 he was in a wheelchair.
00:20:00.360 --> 00:20:09.900 Nancy Aronie: By the time he was 27 his hands were trembling so badly couldn't do his own shot and we heard about this brain surgery, you could have and that they would drop a
00:20:10.950 --> 00:20:25.140 Nancy Aronie: Chip over the thalamus to try to fool the thalamus and so that the the hands would would be steady. So we did that operation was a 12 hour brain surgery, while he was awake.
00:20:25.710 --> 00:20:39.960 Nancy Aronie: And he came out of it and he was able to write his name, but his speech was affected. So he would sometimes talk like this. So we would take them into get an adjustment and they would turn the dial was an implant basically
00:20:40.650 --> 00:20:47.340 Nancy Aronie: And they would say, okay, Dan, pick up the pen and he could pick up the pen perfectly and they say now count to 10 he'd go walk
00:20:47.640 --> 00:20:56.670 Nancy Aronie: Through it was, oh my god. So then they adjust the dial and they'd say, Now pick up the pen and he changed a little bit. And they say, Now counting he could do 123
00:20:57.660 --> 00:21:06.450 Nancy Aronie: Anyway, he, he got really, really sick and he deteriorated and he died at age 38. Now the beauty.
00:21:07.110 --> 00:21:15.270 Nancy Aronie: And I am convinced that there's always beauty in everything but your job is to feel the sorrow can't skip this arrow part
00:21:15.570 --> 00:21:25.710 Nancy Aronie: So I, I grew up in a household where we were really allowed to have all our feelings. So I was able to sob. And I was able to laugh in the same sentence and it's not bipolar, by the way.
00:21:26.190 --> 00:21:33.990 Nancy Aronie: It's just feeling deeply all of your feelings. I'm so sad for the people that can't go up and they can't go down because everybody gets nervous about that.
00:21:34.350 --> 00:21:41.220 Nancy Aronie: Just Let people have their feelings. So he was, he became a teacher really and by the end, I
00:21:41.730 --> 00:21:50.640 Nancy Aronie: I got my priorities straight. Because before. Damn that sick. Most important thing to me was wall to wall carpeting and getting invited to a Carly's early Simon's brunch.
00:21:51.210 --> 00:22:03.510 Nancy Aronie: And when he got sick. All I did was spend time at his house, taking care of him. And it became a privilege, it became an honor. Plus, he gave me so much material to write about. I mean, he was he was my
00:22:04.080 --> 00:22:16.140 Nancy Aronie: He was my muse, basically. And then when he died. It's so interesting because he was not an easy, kid, angry and kill myself and I mean he just we went through a lot of a lot of pain with them.
00:22:17.100 --> 00:22:28.050 Nancy Aronie: But he ends up turning us into heroes. I mean, people would say, you're so courageous and what you did with Dan. It's like it's telling someone their courageous.
00:22:28.320 --> 00:22:31.110 Nancy Aronie: When they're in the middle of doing something really difficult.
00:22:31.350 --> 00:22:43.500 Nancy Aronie: You don't feel courageous, you're just putting one foot in front of the other, you're just doing what you have to do parents do what they have to do. Everybody does it just about everybody does it. Some people can't do it. But most of the time you do it so he really became
00:22:44.520 --> 00:23:03.870 Nancy Aronie: A wise man. By the time he died, he had surrendered. He wasn't angry anymore. He was absolutely beautiful. And I filmed him. I made a documentary. I mean, I, in retrospect, I was putting a camera between my pain in his rage and it worked because he was an ego guy and he loved it one time.
00:23:05.700 --> 00:23:16.380 Nancy Aronie: He had a polarity therapist named Tom and he had an acupuncturist named Kerry and at that point he wasn't able to pee anymore. So we had to categorize him.
00:23:16.950 --> 00:23:23.400 Nancy Aronie: And I had said to him, is there any time you want me to turn the camera off. And he said, No, I want you to film everything
00:23:23.940 --> 00:23:27.990 Nancy Aronie: And I got down to his house and my husband was I opened the door.
00:23:28.350 --> 00:23:44.370 Nancy Aronie: And Harry was just leaving and Thomas just arriving and my husband was sort of on the floor with a Pepsi bottle actually huge oversized bottle categorizing Dan and I and I took the camera and I went, oh my god, Tom, Dick and Harry
00:23:46.230 --> 00:23:55.950 Nancy Aronie: Got my first laugh from him was so great, but you know that experience was phenomenal. To do that to do that film. And he having the experience of
00:23:56.400 --> 00:24:07.800 Nancy Aronie: Him packing a life into 38 years and teaching me what was really important in life. It was worth everything and I you know I don't know if you've ever heard the phrase sacred contract. Have you ever heard of that.
00:24:08.400 --> 00:24:16.650 Nancy Aronie: No. Well, Carolyn mace, who's a phenomenal wise teacher and why SS. I don't know if you pronounce it mace or mice.
00:24:17.700 --> 00:24:18.780 Nancy Aronie: She wrote a book called
00:24:19.860 --> 00:24:29.760 Nancy Aronie: Evolution of the spirit and the next book was called sacred contract. But the first one. It was a chapter called sacred contracts and she talks about how
00:24:30.390 --> 00:24:39.390 Nancy Aronie: Now of course you have to have the assumption that you believe in reincarnation in many lifetimes, which I happen to but I'm married to a scientist, that's not as trip.
00:24:40.050 --> 00:24:51.540 Nancy Aronie: And she says that you make a sacred contract with somebody that you agree, the two of you will come back in another lifetime as teachers for each other's souls.
00:24:52.170 --> 00:25:03.780 Nancy Aronie: And when you do come back. You know, you will recognize that you will be teachers for each other. Well, the recognition came to me as soon as I read the chapter. I went, That's what Dan and I are doing here.
00:25:04.110 --> 00:25:13.140 Nancy Aronie: So as tragic and as difficult as that relationship was underneath it all the whole time. I knew he was my professor
00:25:13.770 --> 00:25:18.060 Nancy Aronie: I knew that our souls were working. This was our work that we have chosen to do
00:25:18.570 --> 00:25:30.840 Nancy Aronie: And so it had a beautiful component and a difficult one. And to me, that's what life is is being willing to feel the broken heart and being able to have total ecstasy and joy.
00:25:31.440 --> 00:25:46.650 Nancy Aronie: And not push those two away and try to just maintain a way of being able to function and get up in the morning, go to a shit job. It's much more about being able to be so happy. And so sad and and function. Yeah.
00:25:46.710 --> 00:25:51.480 Albert Dabah: Yeah, you know, as you're saying this, Nancy. I'm getting tears in my eyes.
00:25:53.130 --> 00:26:01.770 Albert Dabah: You know it's making me think since you before we started the show tonight. We talked a little bit about the film and, you know, how do I feel about it and how it's doing
00:26:02.400 --> 00:26:06.900 Albert Dabah: And. And one of the things that in what you were just talking about makes me think about
00:26:07.230 --> 00:26:21.810 Albert Dabah: How I've started to feel the same way about my brother and sister is that you know it's taken me forever to make this film to write it together off the ground and all that, but it's all been worth it. And it's, I feel like I live with them now and
00:26:22.860 --> 00:26:23.670 Nancy Aronie: And and and
00:26:23.910 --> 00:26:26.370 Albert Dabah: They really have taught me so much.
00:26:27.960 --> 00:26:44.490 Albert Dabah: My brother and sister and my brother introduced baseball. To me, which is my passion i mean it's it's it's a grounded me. It made me feel like I knew something like if there's anything I know I feel baseball is what I know.
00:26:45.300 --> 00:26:53.070 Nancy Aronie: So in terms of a sacred contract with those two people who were your muses to make this film.
00:26:53.430 --> 00:27:01.440 Nancy Aronie: What if we do live many lifetimes. And what if they were standing in front of God. And they said, Okay, I'm here to serve. Give me a job.
00:27:01.680 --> 00:27:08.550 Nancy Aronie: And the job was, well, we want you. You're going to have a brother in one of these lifetimes and he's going to be a creative type
00:27:09.000 --> 00:27:15.360 Nancy Aronie: And you're going to have a tough, you're gonna have a tough situation you're going to be depressed, you're going to be miserable going to take your own life.
00:27:15.660 --> 00:27:21.150 Nancy Aronie: But that's the work I want you to be doing if you're willing to do that, then I'm going to put you in that lifetime.
00:27:21.540 --> 00:27:30.960 Nancy Aronie: And see ya and and what Carolyn may says you're in your, your, in your cloud with your angel. And the angel said to me, What do you want to learn in your next lifetime nasty. And I said,
00:27:31.650 --> 00:27:39.210 Nancy Aronie: What I need to learn is to not be in control. I'm a control freak I control everything. And she said, I got one for you. And she said to Dan in the cloud.
00:27:39.630 --> 00:27:46.290 Nancy Aronie: And what do you want to learn. Dan and Dan said, I want to learn to not be a victim. I have been a victim in so many lifetimes. I'm sick of it.
00:27:46.680 --> 00:27:56.790 Nancy Aronie: And and your angel says, Oh, I've got a lifetime for you guys and kicks you out of the cloud and as your tumbling to Earth to your new birth. She goes, oh, and you're not gonna remember any
00:27:58.920 --> 00:28:05.610 Nancy Aronie: Well, of course you don't remember when I read that chapter, it didn't. I didn't remember here. I remembered here.
00:28:06.720 --> 00:28:25.110 Nancy Aronie: And it was like, wow, I'm sure that's what Dan and I are doing. So now that I've talked to you a little bit about sacred contract think in terms of those two people being partners with you. I mean, look what you've done for other people. This movie is healing people
00:28:26.190 --> 00:28:39.690 Nancy Aronie: You've created something that has reached out and touched hundreds if not thousands at this point of people. And what if this worth something that you guys had said, Okay, let's, let's do it. Yeah, yeah.
00:28:39.960 --> 00:28:40.320 Albert Dabah: Thank you.
00:28:40.380 --> 00:28:43.980 Nancy Aronie: Willingness to feel the pain. That's the big one. Well,
00:28:44.040 --> 00:28:47.340 Albert Dabah: That that is the big one willingness to feel the pain.
00:28:48.660 --> 00:28:51.630 Albert Dabah: Well, let's pick that up after this commercial
00:28:51.930 --> 00:28:52.530 Nancy Aronie: All right.
00:28:52.890 --> 00:28:53.850 Albert Dabah: Let's talk some more.
00:28:54.060 --> 00:28:55.650 Nancy Aronie: Okay, thanks.
00:31:16.140 --> 00:31:19.770 Albert Dabah: Hi. We're back with Nancy errani
00:31:21.900 --> 00:31:31.650 Albert Dabah: Who basically if you're just tuning in teaches these wonderful workshops all around the country, and I believe in other parts of the world.
00:31:33.210 --> 00:31:40.320 Albert Dabah: And I think one thing, Nancy that you have said is that you say that you can't really teach writing, is that correct
00:31:40.530 --> 00:31:48.450 Nancy Aronie: Yeah, I really think you can make it safe. So, I mean, there are hints, certainly there there are
00:31:49.080 --> 00:31:55.800 Nancy Aronie: Sacks that you can give but i think i think everybody is a natural. I think if you're a storyteller and I think everybody's a storyteller.
00:31:56.160 --> 00:32:00.990 Nancy Aronie: You pick up the phone and you call your best friend and you go, oh my god, you're not gonna believe what happened. I'm sitting
00:32:01.380 --> 00:32:08.700 Nancy Aronie: In the car I'm at the light on mountain road and Albany Avenue. I've got James Taylor cranked
00:32:09.240 --> 00:32:17.190 Nancy Aronie: It was the worst night of my life. I didn't sleep. I've got I make ups down to my cheeks. I've been crying all night. I look over and he's sitting in the Jeep Wrangler next to me.
00:32:17.550 --> 00:32:29.280 Nancy Aronie: And he's wearing the sheepskin jacket I gave him all my god I can't believe it. You are so articulate and so passionate and you are filled with details when you are talking and now you're going to write
00:32:30.270 --> 00:32:45.270 Nancy Aronie: Having show up in my automobile of the vendors. I know that's what school did it took away your voice and everyone has a voice in their voices got taken away by Uncle George or by school or by a bad whatever
00:32:46.350 --> 00:32:54.360 Nancy Aronie: My job in the workshop is to reclaim to get you to reclaim your, your, your voice and it's really just about being in a safe place to sound like you
00:32:54.930 --> 00:32:58.140 Nancy Aronie: I don't want you to sound like a writer. I don't want you to use big words.
00:32:58.680 --> 00:33:07.950 Nancy Aronie: You know, teaching, teaching skills and there are skills, but it doesn't make you a writer. I think everybody's a natural artist, writer, singer, all of it.
00:33:08.370 --> 00:33:12.930 Nancy Aronie: It's just about feeling safe enough to take the chance to let come out of you.
00:33:13.860 --> 00:33:22.200 Nancy Aronie: And then there are guides that, you know, you definitely need an editor to say okay this went on and on and on, let's cut this the sentences. Brilliant.
00:33:22.680 --> 00:33:31.530 Nancy Aronie: Let's. We don't have to elaborate down there are definitely things you can do, but I don't think it's a, I don't think it's a teachable. I don't think art is teachable.
00:33:33.240 --> 00:33:44.940 Albert Dabah: You know, we left off about willingness to feel pain. Um, I also think that in telling the story or opening up yourself.
00:33:45.450 --> 00:33:55.050 Albert Dabah: It's the other side. I think that the same one side of the other is the willingness to feel the love because I find
00:33:55.800 --> 00:34:09.330 Albert Dabah: And I'll be, you know, really open about what I'm thinking right now is when I'm with my new girlfriend. I find myself meditating in the morning.
00:34:09.840 --> 00:34:28.800 Albert Dabah: And I say let's write Lizzie. I feel like writing Lizzie something and something nice. I don't know what I'm going to write. I have no idea. And I sit there on my phone and I start texting and I look up like little word sometimes like just for spelling
00:34:30.840 --> 00:34:43.860 Albert Dabah: And feel stupid sometimes, like, you know, how do you spell annoy, or whatever, like whatever they but I want to get it right and then I'll look at it and it's short sometimes to a little longer.
00:34:45.000 --> 00:34:49.200 Albert Dabah: And through that I've been able to communicate how I feel about her.
00:34:50.520 --> 00:34:56.610 Albert Dabah: In a bike riding and then she started to write me um
00:34:57.810 --> 00:34:59.640 Albert Dabah: What do they call it again. Oh gosh.
00:35:01.320 --> 00:35:01.740 Albert Dabah: What
00:35:01.920 --> 00:35:07.590 Albert Dabah: I guess haikus and they're beautiful and she's ever written them before.
00:35:07.860 --> 00:35:19.980 Albert Dabah: Oh, wow. And we're like, exchanging these beautiful messages and they're really messages of love of how we're feeling what's going on.
00:35:22.680 --> 00:35:25.530 Albert Dabah: One day I pissed her off. I said something about
00:35:27.750 --> 00:35:45.150 Albert Dabah: Her being anxious or something but I meant it more like shy or whatever and AND WE HAD A WHOLE THING ABOUT IT AND IT WAS THIS LIKE A but but but it's also like vulnerability learning. Like, you don't know how someone's going to take something
00:35:45.510 --> 00:35:45.930 Albert Dabah: You know,
00:35:46.230 --> 00:35:55.860 Albert Dabah: You don't sometimes know are they sincere how sincere, are they, you know, we all have been had different, you know, been hurt by different things, different people.
00:35:56.310 --> 00:36:13.980 Albert Dabah: Are they just saying it or they be asking you, and this and that. And I think for that you have to kind of know yourself, and like I had someone, someone wrote on Amazon, where the film is on amazon prime that you can write a review and someone wrote this is the worst film I've ever seen.
00:36:15.030 --> 00:36:25.650 Albert Dabah: But right underneath it. Someone wrote this film should win an Academy Award, and I laughed. I said, that is so hilarious for you, uh, you know, configured.
00:36:25.920 --> 00:36:30.960 Nancy Aronie: I know that I always tell the story of the painting the painting of the sunset.
00:36:31.560 --> 00:36:44.130 Nancy Aronie: Um, this guy has a painting of a sunset and most of it is blah Ray almost depressing. And then in the right hand corner of the painting. There's a swath of magenta. That is so vibrant and so beautiful and
00:36:44.850 --> 00:36:49.140 Nancy Aronie: And he takes it to the framework and he goes back a couple of weeks later and the framers is, you know,
00:36:50.460 --> 00:36:55.710 Nancy Aronie: I didn't have a frame big enough so I had to fold over that pink thing.
00:36:57.480 --> 00:37:06.540 Nancy Aronie: And my telling of the story is, it's up to you to push the frame out and see the magenta because there's always beauty and there's always gray.
00:37:06.990 --> 00:37:13.560 Nancy Aronie: There's always going to be someone that's the worst film I've ever seen. And there's always going to be someone that says, and you have to decide.
00:37:13.950 --> 00:37:29.220 Nancy Aronie: I think your laughter as responses so healthy because some people would have only heard the negative and been miserable for the whole day or week or life. Instead, you were able to see the ludicrous of it. I mean, it's just it is ludicrous really
00:37:29.580 --> 00:37:34.410 Albert Dabah: I think, I think we're really helped me with the whole looking at the film.
00:37:35.010 --> 00:37:44.970 Albert Dabah: Is that I know is not for everyone, it's a, you know, I've been heard just a tough pill, whatever that means is there's sadness and pain in it.
00:37:45.630 --> 00:37:56.220 Albert Dabah: And and suicide, you know, gets people upset, obviously you know there's there's a real stigma about, you know, mental illness and
00:37:57.120 --> 00:38:10.650 Albert Dabah: And my, my whole thing really became I didn't start off thinking this, and I was writing, but it was like I wanted to do what I can. As I kept talking to people about suicide mental illness. I mean, I'm talking like doctors people who study this stuff.
00:38:11.070 --> 00:38:11.220 Nancy Aronie: You know,
00:38:12.480 --> 00:38:25.710 Albert Dabah: That there is a huge stigma. It's us out there and I mean my own sister, you know, didn't want that mix. You said you can't make the film. If you make the film my grandchildren won't be able to get married with a Noah's Ark.
00:38:25.890 --> 00:38:27.870 Nancy Aronie: Oh, there's so much shame around it.
00:38:28.050 --> 00:38:37.890 Albert Dabah: Oh, Shane blew me away with that but I understood it you know and and i and i see that by, you know, we all make mistakes we all
00:38:39.450 --> 00:38:56.550 Albert Dabah: Say things sometimes the wrong things. But we need to be aware of them and you know sometimes we have to say I'm sorry. Sometimes we have to. And that can be tough sometimes because we think all we know we're right. Um, but I think really that whole vulnerability
00:38:57.660 --> 00:39:17.070 Albert Dabah: Looking at the pain, looking at but but that other side is that joy. Like I joined a group for people who lost their loved ones to suicide and you know one story after another, of people breaking down whether was five years ago, three months ago or 20 3040 years ago.
00:39:17.520 --> 00:39:17.910 Yeah.
00:39:18.930 --> 00:39:34.020 Albert Dabah: But what I said at one of these meetings was, you know, it was like a long silence, no one was talking and I said you know why we're all here. We're all here because the person that we lost. We loved. And let's think about that love that we have for that person.
00:39:34.200 --> 00:39:34.740 Nancy Aronie: Good.
00:39:35.040 --> 00:39:44.370 Albert Dabah: And we lost someone we love and what they like. Like said what they gave us what what joy. They gave us and yes it's sad. It's really sad.
00:39:45.540 --> 00:39:56.820 Albert Dabah: But really doing our best to focus in on on the good stuff. And what we learned from that. And I think that's really important you you would
00:39:58.230 --> 00:39:58.590 Nancy Aronie: Okay.
00:39:59.160 --> 00:40:10.140 Albert Dabah: I was gonna say you've had many different people in your in your workshops and you mentioned that you've met over the years like mentors. I don't know if there's any you'd want to bring up or anything that you learn from some of them.
00:40:10.800 --> 00:40:21.090 Nancy Aronie: You know ROM das is my, my main teacher. I didn't he wasn't in my workshop. God knows you know took my workshop Fareed Zakaria you ever watched him on
00:40:21.420 --> 00:40:23.340 Albert Dabah: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:40:23.610 --> 00:40:36.060 Nancy Aronie: Job. I didn't know who he was, at the time, and somebody commented by saying she should really good, you should have a column. And he said, well, actually I do. And I'm thinking, Yeah, you know, the Trenton news. Well, where Newsweek.
00:40:38.310 --> 00:40:53.130 Nancy Aronie: Was this but I found rhombus in 1977 I read be here now, which was landmark hippie book and it definitely changed my life. It was the first time I ever heard of being here having
00:40:53.610 --> 00:41:11.880 Nancy Aronie: A present moment, knowing there was such a thing as a present moment, everything that came out of his mouth. He was Jewish. He was funny. He was self deprecating he was lovable and he was vulnerable and I will I drove around with his tapes and he definitely was a mentor, a teacher.
00:41:12.930 --> 00:41:16.560 Nancy Aronie: One of my favorite stories was he, he had a friend.
00:41:17.730 --> 00:41:18.780 Nancy Aronie: What would he call him.
00:41:19.920 --> 00:41:26.490 Nancy Aronie: A friend from the other side. Now, how many people can you tell this to I have this really good friend that's
00:41:27.030 --> 00:41:34.290 Nancy Aronie: You know, disembodied I have a disembodied friend named Emmanuel and he would ask a manual questions. And he said, Emmanuel
00:41:34.620 --> 00:41:41.250 Nancy Aronie: I'm trying to meditate every day. I'm trying to eat right, I'm trying to be a better person. Why does should still happen to me.
00:41:42.030 --> 00:41:50.610 Nancy Aronie: And Emmanuel said ROM das you're at the University of life. Take the curriculum is that fabulous.
00:41:51.150 --> 00:41:58.380 Nancy Aronie: So you can't judge people because they're taking their course of study. It's different from the one you're taking
00:41:58.830 --> 00:42:10.410 Nancy Aronie: Even the president. We just had. I can't judge anyone. I just have to say what happened to him what happened to her. What happened to this one is a totally different wound from what happened to me.
00:42:10.860 --> 00:42:16.890 Nancy Aronie: And how I'm healing it and how I'm manifesting it and how I'm figuring out how to be a better person on this planet.
00:42:17.250 --> 00:42:27.150 Nancy Aronie: I'm taking my curriculum, I cannot look at you and say you're wrong. I can only say you're doing what you're doing. I can't take it personally taking stuff personally is
00:42:28.080 --> 00:42:33.150 Nancy Aronie: It doesn't work because you're always going to be miserable because you're always going to think it's about you. It isn't about you.
00:42:33.750 --> 00:42:46.590 Nancy Aronie: When somebody is being mean to you. It's their issue. It's not yours. That's probably the best way to, you know, stay balanced and not get knocked over. You know, The Four Agreements. Did you ever hear. The Four Agreements.
00:42:47.100 --> 00:42:48.120 Albert Dabah: But I don't recall
00:42:48.420 --> 00:42:50.970 Nancy Aronie: Tiny, tiny book I'm
00:42:53.580 --> 00:43:04.980 Nancy Aronie: The first one is a be impeccable with your word. The next one is. Don't make assumptions. The next one is don't take anything personally. And the fourth one is, do your best.
00:43:05.790 --> 00:43:23.490 Nancy Aronie: And that's, like, you know, that's like if you lived by those you'd probably be a happy person. The guy is Don Miguel Ruiz, are you i z. And when we come back from the break, remind me to tell you a story that's an unbelievable about him.
00:43:23.970 --> 00:43:25.860 Albert Dabah: Okay. Well Don Miguel Ruiz
00:43:26.070 --> 00:43:31.830 Albert Dabah: Yeah. Yes, he will be back shortly. And we'll continue on with this great
00:43:32.370 --> 00:43:33.810 Nancy Aronie: Work. Thanks.
00:45:56.070 --> 00:46:06.450 Albert Dabah: Hi there, we're back at extra innings with Nancy irony. And I'd like to pick up where we left off. You mentioned Don Miguel Louise is that
00:46:06.450 --> 00:46:08.250 Nancy Aronie: Correct. Are you it
00:46:08.280 --> 00:46:20.490 Nancy Aronie: Really yeah so I was teaching in Austin, Texas. And I'm very fancy spa and in the middle of, well, maybe the day before I was supposed to be flying back to the vineyard.
00:46:21.150 --> 00:46:30.600 Nancy Aronie: My son called Dan and he said that he was going to kill himself. He said, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. So I had to teach another day with my heart broke broken
00:46:31.200 --> 00:46:45.780 Nancy Aronie: And the next day I was sitting by the pool was my last day, I was going to fly out later that afternoon and I just kept thinking about how can I keep him alive. You know, I just, I don't know what to do. And there was a very heavy guy.
00:46:47.100 --> 00:46:55.350 Nancy Aronie: In the hot tub and I was cold and I wanted to get in the hot tub. But I didn't want to talk to anybody. And I was being very judgmental about his being heavy
00:46:55.830 --> 00:47:03.990 Nancy Aronie: Which is really interesting that I learned that about myself and finally I said I have to, I have to get warm. I'm chilled and I got in the tub.
00:47:04.860 --> 00:47:12.870 Nancy Aronie: And he looked at me. Oh, I think I said something like, are you on vacation and he said no. And he was with his nephew his nephew said no, he's teaching here.
00:47:13.710 --> 00:47:23.940 Nancy Aronie: And he floated over to me and I thought, oh, he's coming to close. He lifted me in his arms and he said, don't, don't worry, mother, he'll be fine.
00:47:26.520 --> 00:47:35.250 Nancy Aronie: He comes from toll tech ancestry. He knew all about Dan, I was sobbing. He held me like a baby in the water.
00:47:36.060 --> 00:47:45.870 Nancy Aronie: So of course I ran out and but you know I buy his book, all the time. So it's called The Four Agreements, don't worry, mother, he'll be fine. And Dan lived for many years more after that.
00:47:46.770 --> 00:48:04.320 Nancy Aronie: So Dan had open heart surgery and he came home, he always had a girlfriend, because he was gorgeous and he came home from Mass General and the day he was coming, he, he was in the house, his girlfriend Sarah was putting him on the bed lifting him from the wheelchair and she said,
00:48:05.790 --> 00:48:15.390 Nancy Aronie: Oh my god, the urine bag the bag. It's stuck in the in the wheelchair and she lifted him. She was able to lift him up and pull the air and bag and flip it onto the bed. I was filming everything
00:48:16.770 --> 00:48:28.740 Nancy Aronie: And about two weeks later I got a call from Hartford where I'm from. And it was a gallery owner and he said, Nance, you move to the venue to abandon us. We need you. We need you on stage, we want your funny stories come
00:48:29.400 --> 00:48:37.440 Nancy Aronie: And I said, I'm not funny. I'm crying all the time. My kid is sick. I'm not coming to get on stage and do anything. And he he didn't hear me, and he kept pushing
00:48:38.040 --> 00:48:46.050 Nancy Aronie: And all of a sudden, I thought, wait a minute. You know, I have 50 hours already of filming. Dan, I could bring down and I could
00:48:46.530 --> 00:48:51.930 Nancy Aronie: Get him on stage in the wheelchair and he'll get a standing ovation, even if I don't show up. Just show 20 minutes
00:48:52.410 --> 00:49:04.080 Nancy Aronie: So, there had been a gal in my workshop that had just graduated from film school so I gave her a bunch of tapes. I asked her if I pay you could just give me 20 minutes, it doesn't have to have continuity. It doesn't have to be anything. I just need
00:49:05.130 --> 00:49:10.920 Nancy Aronie: I just want to get on stage with Dan and show what he's going through. I want him to realize that what he's going through is not for not
00:49:11.850 --> 00:49:21.870 Nancy Aronie: So she said, Sure. And she gives me back a bunch of stuff and it was beautiful. I had no idea because I had been looking in a little camera and it was on big beautiful
00:49:22.920 --> 00:49:26.520 Nancy Aronie: She took out the part where Sarah said oh my god the urine bad
00:49:28.350 --> 00:49:41.640 Nancy Aronie: Why do you think Albert being a filmmaker yourself. I usually ask my class of 40 people. Why do you think she took out the word the line. Oh my god, the urine bag. What's your take on it.
00:49:42.780 --> 00:49:44.490 Albert Dabah: Shame or something like that.
00:49:44.850 --> 00:49:49.170 Nancy Aronie: Embarrassed didn't want to embarrass him shame to even mentioned such a thing.
00:49:50.130 --> 00:49:56.790 Nancy Aronie: Can I tell all the writers out there and all the filmmakers and anybody creative the urine bag is the story.
00:49:57.300 --> 00:50:10.320 Nancy Aronie: That's the part you don't cut. That's the unique, one of a kind, Snowflake of your piece you don't take that out. Don't worry about embarrassment don't protect the reader don't protect the film person who's watching
00:50:10.950 --> 00:50:18.090 Nancy Aronie: They'll be able to make a you don't have. Maybe it shouldn't be the first sentence in the piece. Maybe we don't know where it should go. All I know is
00:50:18.840 --> 00:50:26.520 Nancy Aronie: A when you write. Don't think about the audience. Don't think about the reader, just write the stuff haven't come out of you.
00:50:27.030 --> 00:50:37.620 Nancy Aronie: All of it, and then later you can edit. You can shape. You can put it in new places, but that's the most powerful part of that story is the fact that this guy had a urine that yes
00:50:38.790 --> 00:50:48.150 Albert Dabah: For sure. Yeah, I'm Nancy and the time we have left you know i know that you have impacted so many lives by your workshops
00:50:48.660 --> 00:51:08.940 Albert Dabah: When we've had some zoom sessions that you know I've gotten to see all these people and like i'm not i'm not amazed. It's just it was like the first time I was on the zoom with all these different faces. I was like, Wow, he's like bizarre and everyone having a story and all that and
00:51:10.020 --> 00:51:21.090 Albert Dabah: I know my story in my relationship with you, has been one of like such gratitude that I have, um, I remember looking you up when I
00:51:21.630 --> 00:51:32.310 Albert Dabah: Went to his identical Pablo. A couple of times for a couple of seminars and and yours jumped out at me and I looked online. I think it was YouTube and I saw you and you were so funny.
00:51:32.910 --> 00:51:45.210 Albert Dabah: And I remember when during I think the first time I took the workshop. I said, Did you ever do stand up and you said, yeah, stand up comedy use it and as a god, she's so funny. And she's the tallest Jewish woman I ever met. So
00:51:47.610 --> 00:51:52.680 Albert Dabah: And and but you really have inspired me and I see how you inspire others.
00:51:53.190 --> 00:52:12.210 Albert Dabah: And I'll bring it up again just this whole idea of, you know, relationships, and what it means to me now to be in a relationship with someone that feels like I'm, I'm gonna I'm gonna be turning 70 right and I was interviewed by the other day by this woman pastor and she was wonderful.
00:52:13.380 --> 00:52:17.370 Albert Dabah: I can't pronounce her last name, so I won't even try right now, but she
00:52:18.630 --> 00:52:29.460 Albert Dabah: She said to me. So this was your first films he right. That's amazing. Your first film. How old are you when you made the film. And I said, I made it two years ago. So 67 she goes 67. Wow.
00:52:29.910 --> 00:52:34.770 Albert Dabah: That that's amazing to make your first film and 67 and I thought that. And I go,
00:52:35.340 --> 00:52:44.100 Albert Dabah: Yeah, I guess it kind of is, in a way, you know, I always love films and I wasn't like I always dreamed to be a filmmaker, but I always love films. I'd love to acting and
00:52:44.430 --> 00:52:53.250 Albert Dabah: I use it. I think I did daydream about being a filmmaker and time. Definitely. When I saw some great films they inspired me. But it also like about love.
00:52:53.970 --> 00:53:00.120 Albert Dabah: You had sent me up on three different with three different women during the years we know each other, and they were all nice and everything.
00:53:00.900 --> 00:53:09.570 Albert Dabah: But nothing, you know, worked out. And so when you told me recently, you know, meditate and, you know, you know, think about someone with an open heart and I met Lizzie.
00:53:10.050 --> 00:53:22.200 Albert Dabah: And here I am like, we're like, you know, like we say we're the last chapters of our lives, let's let's really, you know, and I and I keep saying, I just want to communicate.
00:53:22.560 --> 00:53:28.890 Albert Dabah: I just want to tell you how I feel, you know and and and and see you so you're so sensitive Albert
00:53:29.400 --> 00:53:39.210 Albert Dabah: You know, DON'T be insecure about that. I go, I'm just letting you know how I feel. Maybe I'm feeling insecure today. So I'm just letting you know that and she say I love you, you know, it's okay.
00:53:39.660 --> 00:53:50.760 Albert Dabah: And, and, you know, it's, it just feels great to feel that something that I felt I never felt to this degree, particularly at this time. This is
00:53:50.820 --> 00:53:55.710 Nancy Aronie: One, you know, this is making me very happy. She's validating the best part of you.
00:53:57.060 --> 00:54:11.070 Albert Dabah: Yeah. Yeah, I feel like. And so much of that is I really gained from these workshops. And, you know, other stuff that I've read, I remember reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.
00:54:11.100 --> 00:54:21.960 Albert Dabah: Yep, that guy. And that was my first workshop that I took it at Apollo with her. And I remember just thinking about, you know, writing out what I feel.
00:54:22.890 --> 00:54:33.600 Albert Dabah: And looking back at it just writing it. And if I was angry at times. It made me feel a little bit better just to write in journals and I've done that for years. I still do it on and off. Not as much as I as I did.
00:54:34.380 --> 00:54:42.210 Albert Dabah: But I find that whole idea of the willingness to be vulnerable to open up to communicate to say how you feel.
00:54:43.920 --> 00:54:49.800 Albert Dabah: Is is me and I've learned so much of that in the workshops with you to
00:54:51.030 --> 00:55:00.270 Albert Dabah: To just let it come out and I ever. And what I one thing I always remember because so many of the people when they would get up to talk, they
00:55:00.720 --> 00:55:15.600 Albert Dabah: They'd make an excuse, before they even talk and and I always I always felt don't make an excuse. Albert you wrote it, own it. This is not life and death. This is just an expression
00:55:16.290 --> 00:55:25.680 Nancy Aronie: You know when I taught at Trinity College, it had just started being coed, I think it was like the second year there were girls there.
00:55:26.220 --> 00:55:35.910 Nancy Aronie: And I would call them and I taught English. It was called a literary nonfiction. So it was exactly writing from the heart. But they would never call that in academia.
00:55:36.570 --> 00:55:44.400 Nancy Aronie: And so I'd call on the guys and then we just read and then I plan on the girls and they go, um, this is gonna sound really stupid.
00:55:45.540 --> 00:55:55.320 Nancy Aronie: Or I don't think I did it right, or I'm not sure I don't really want to read because I'm not know. So that was the class was Tuesdays and Thursdays.
00:55:55.800 --> 00:56:03.420 Nancy Aronie: So Tuesday that happened Thursday. It happens the next Tuesday and having the next Thursday. I came in. I said, Okay. You're killing me. There was a woman's movement.
00:56:03.810 --> 00:56:10.530 Nancy Aronie: This up speak on think I did it right. I can't hear this anymore. You're breaking my heart all these women for you.
00:56:11.100 --> 00:56:16.380 Nancy Aronie: Made your voice available. Now, this is what you're going to do from now on, I'm going to call on you.
00:56:16.680 --> 00:56:30.960 Nancy Aronie: And in your head, you're going to think to yourself, these people are so fucking lucky to hear my brilliance and then they may have beat that out and then you're just going to read. Well, when I said that word. I mean, I, you could just see them thinking I love her.
00:56:32.520 --> 00:56:39.480 Nancy Aronie: I'm coming back. This is college. She just swore anyway they would you could see them when I call them. You can see them going through it.
00:56:39.870 --> 00:56:50.100 Nancy Aronie: And eventually they started saying it out loud, you are getting ready to hear my brilliance and then we just read but it, you know, it's, it takes a lot of courage to to be open.
00:56:51.090 --> 00:57:01.410 Nancy Aronie: To trust everybody's been burnt everybody's been burnt to a crisp. They were either burnt at seven years old or 17 or three. Everybody has a wound everybody and
00:57:01.800 --> 00:57:11.610 Nancy Aronie: Most people come through their wound that's what they see, first you go to a movie with a friend, you're going to see two different movies. You're going to see the movie through your wound. She's going to see the movie through her wound
00:57:12.060 --> 00:57:19.560 Nancy Aronie: If you stay in the wound. You are, you are loyal to your suffering. That's, that's just a fabulous phrase.
00:57:19.890 --> 00:57:30.360 Nancy Aronie: If you can heal from that wound, you'll still have it. It can be your music can be your material, but it is not ruling you you are in charge of it you are willing to feel it.
00:57:30.930 --> 00:57:37.890 Nancy Aronie: It's definitely part of you, it didn't, it happened, but it's not who you are. It's what happened to you, not your identity.
00:57:39.330 --> 00:57:40.860 Nancy Aronie: You know, that's
00:57:40.890 --> 00:57:52.170 Albert Dabah: That's pretty powerful Nancy, good stuff really good stuff. I mean, I think what you just said just is like everyone who hears that and they can take that in and really
00:58:06.720 --> 00:58:07.530 It's universal