The Journey Through to Awareness

Monday, January 4, 2021
Facebook Live Video from 2021/01/04 - 100 Pennies Part II - Where is God?

Facebook Live Video from 2021/01/04 - 100 Pennies Part II - Where is God?


2021/01/04 - 100 Pennies Part II - Where is God?

[NEW EPISODE] 100 Pennies Part II - Where is God?

Join Dr. Dau and her guest, Gaetane Martin, author of the book 100 Pennies, for Part II as we continue the journey through into awareness exploring God's Graces of Love and Forgiveness in the midst of human disfunction.

Tune in for this philosophical conversation at or watch the Facebook Livestream by clicking here.

Show Notes

Segment 1

Dr. Georgeann Dau introduces her guest Gaetane Martin, the author of the book 100 Pennies, and the two begin to discuss the content and inspiration behind the book. Gaetane explains her childhood, and how she lived with survival being the major focus of her day to day life. Georgeann explains how abandonment and rejection are big factors behind trauma that children have, and that children tend to put the blame of family issues onto themselves. Gaetane discusses how through her mother, and her mother’s family she was introduced to God and Jesus, and through Church she was able to start her journey through healing. Gaetane explains what dissociation is, and how throughout her childhood she was dissociating to deal with the trauma she was experiencing, and how important it was to realize that what she was doing was dissociation.

Segment 2

Gaetane explains when she first felt God’s presence in her life, and how she always felt an energy throughout her life. She continues to explain her growing with God, and how her wounds she gained throughout her life became sacred wounds. Georgeann and Gaetane discuss how even though throughout her childhood Gaetane felt imprisoned by her father, she knew with the guidance of God that she was going to be able to leave one day.

Segment 3

Gaetane explains her relationship with the teachings of suffering with the church, and how for a large part of her life she disagreed with the church’s teachings of suffering as she had suffered so much already. But, she came to the realization through the guidance of God that this was how her life was supposed to be and she understood the meaning behind the teachings regarding suffering. Gaetane also explains her journey moving to the United States, and how she was able to continue her spiritual journey as well as her healing process. That through her spiritual and healing journey she was able to see the person she truly is without any restrictions.

Segment 4

Gaetane explains her journey that she and her daughter experienced, and how she was overprotected of her, as well as her son as well. During that time in her life she was trying to live as a person that she was not, and because of this her daughter suffered. Georgeann and Gaetane discuss dissociation, and how it is used as a defense against the trauma one experiences. Gaetane explains her process of facing her anger and rage that she had felt throughout her young life, and then grieving everything she has lossed in her life because of her abuse and trauma.


00:00:36.600 --> 00:00:44.700 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Good evening and welcome back. Happy New Year to all of you listening. It's wonderful to be back with you all again.

00:00:45.840 --> 00:00:48.480 Dr. Georgeann Dau: And we are welcoming also tonight.

00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:57.000 Dr. Georgeann Dau: My guest gay tan Martin, who has been with us a couple of weeks ago.

00:00:58.110 --> 00:01:08.790 Dr. Georgeann Dau: And we're going to be looking at the more of the spiritual perspective on what it means to heal.

00:01:10.920 --> 00:01:12.390 Dr. Georgeann Dau: What seems like

00:01:13.500 --> 00:01:14.610 Dr. Georgeann Dau: They aren't forgivable

00:01:15.810 --> 00:01:20.070 Dr. Georgeann Dau: But we learn that through God's grace, anything is possible.

00:01:33.000 --> 00:01:33.330 Gaetane Martin: Okay.

00:01:33.360 --> 00:01:34.200 Gaetane Martin: Thank you. Oh.

00:01:34.230 --> 00:01:34.470 Yeah.

00:01:36.480 --> 00:01:37.140 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Hello.

00:01:37.290 --> 00:01:40.080 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Hey, it's to me. I do that often so

00:01:43.140 --> 00:01:54.960 Dr. Georgeann Dau: I welcome back. It's wonderful to have you here with with me and us tonight. So I'm, you know, I've been reading your book 100 pennies and it's an incredible read

00:01:55.710 --> 00:02:17.220 Dr. Georgeann Dau: And I recommend it to to all and certainly in the last time we were on the show together my show. This is a journey through into awareness is the name of my my radio show, and the radio station is talk radio dot NYC.

00:02:18.270 --> 00:02:19.080 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Certainly.

00:02:21.180 --> 00:02:29.760 Dr. Georgeann Dau: In the book you speak of and reveal so much hurt and trauma on all levels, physical

00:02:31.230 --> 00:02:44.760 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Psychological sexual and you're very generous to speak of those places here with all of us because it really was a lot of trauma that you experienced

00:02:45.330 --> 00:02:58.590 Dr. Georgeann Dau: And I know out of your healing and your relationship with God that it moved you and sparked you to write your book, which is really like a memoir.

00:02:59.970 --> 00:03:07.590 Dr. Georgeann Dau: In many ways, so I'm you know as a child, if I may ask you, what did you do with all your pain.

00:03:11.250 --> 00:03:13.620 Gaetane Martin: Thank you for having me again, by the way, Georgian

00:03:13.950 --> 00:03:15.300 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Oh my gosh. You're a treasure.

00:03:15.330 --> 00:03:39.810 Gaetane Martin: I to be here, what I did with from determined. I was very young. I would say three years old on until I was about 11 years old, I had the most beautiful life in the world. I didn't I, that was a lot of love between my especially my oldest brother, my relatives and my father loved me.

00:03:41.160 --> 00:03:42.060 Gaetane Martin: And I believe that

00:03:43.110 --> 00:03:44.790 Gaetane Martin: So I was special.

00:03:45.810 --> 00:03:46.740 Gaetane Martin: I felt

00:03:48.090 --> 00:03:48.960 Gaetane Martin: Very special

00:03:50.160 --> 00:03:51.060 Dr. Georgeann Dau: And what

00:03:51.600 --> 00:03:53.400 Dr. Georgeann Dau: You saw I'm sorry to interrupt you.

00:03:53.520 --> 00:03:54.150 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Gay dad.

00:03:54.540 --> 00:04:06.990 Dr. Georgeann Dau: I would about what you saw, though, you saw and i wanna i want you to talk more about why you felt love. But what about all that you saw your father do within the household.

00:04:07.620 --> 00:04:11.250 Gaetane Martin: I was older I what I remember.

00:04:12.270 --> 00:04:17.760 Gaetane Martin: A little bit older, my father drinking. And my mother crying all the time.

00:04:19.110 --> 00:04:22.950 Gaetane Martin: I was, I used to be very scared, actually, because he was really violent

00:04:24.390 --> 00:04:25.050 Gaetane Martin: Um,

00:04:26.520 --> 00:04:28.260 Gaetane Martin: Then that was very scary to me.

00:04:29.400 --> 00:04:36.300 Gaetane Martin: And that would kind of pass because my father was a periodic drunk. So he would drink until he couldn't anymore.

00:04:36.900 --> 00:04:49.410 Gaetane Martin: And then he would stop and things would get somewhat better. This was in the early years as, as you know, the disease of alcoholism progresses over the years. So they were young. He was young and I was young.

00:04:51.390 --> 00:04:57.930 Gaetane Martin: As I got a little bit older, starting school actually at six years old. We were very, very hungry at the time.

00:05:00.180 --> 00:05:05.070 Gaetane Martin: I wouldn't tell anybody that my brother and I were very close together.

00:05:06.960 --> 00:05:09.930 Gaetane Martin: We wouldn't tell my grandparents.

00:05:10.950 --> 00:05:22.440 Gaetane Martin: We would just sake and wait for someone defeat us. So there was never a time there was always survival. We always look for something to survive.

00:05:22.950 --> 00:05:25.800 Gaetane Martin: So that was never, I don't remember a time to sit there

00:05:26.340 --> 00:05:40.890 Gaetane Martin: And really, you know, really, really, cried and thought I was going to die. Where's where am I going to find food, where am I going to go, what are we going to do. Okay. Come, my brother. All right, let's go. And let's go look for food and we go and grocery store and steal food.

00:05:42.300 --> 00:05:48.300 Gaetane Martin: How we're going to do that, how we're going to so was like a survival type of thing until I got old enough

00:05:49.260 --> 00:05:51.390 Dr. Georgeann Dau: So sounds like you lived just a lot of fear.

00:05:51.930 --> 00:05:52.500 Gaetane Martin: All the time.

00:05:52.770 --> 00:05:53.820 Dr. Georgeann Dau: fear about what was

00:05:53.910 --> 00:05:54.750 Dr. Georgeann Dau: All of this going

00:05:55.170 --> 00:05:55.410 Dr. Georgeann Dau: On

00:05:55.680 --> 00:05:58.890 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Knowing where everything's coming from food love

00:05:59.220 --> 00:06:00.090 Gaetane Martin: Family time

00:06:00.780 --> 00:06:02.880 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Right, that's extreme trauma. Yeah.

00:06:02.910 --> 00:06:04.530 Dr. Georgeann Dau: You know, psycho analytically.

00:06:05.670 --> 00:06:12.960 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Abandoned men, the feeling of abandonment and rejection or the two. The two most difficult

00:06:14.820 --> 00:06:23.760 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Experiences for any child and you had so much of that gates and you're really a walking miracle in so many ways.

00:06:24.210 --> 00:06:33.720 Dr. Georgeann Dau: And beautiful on top of that now that I'm getting to know you. Right. Thank you, inside and out. So I'm the last session that you were here with me on the journey through

00:06:34.230 --> 00:06:49.440 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Um, you spoke about your father and every terrorize the family. Yes. And you sitting in counting the pennies and you know making a game out of it and being hungry and all of those very tragic said

00:06:50.820 --> 00:06:52.620 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Situations and

00:06:53.880 --> 00:07:08.370 Dr. Georgeann Dau: I know that you spoke about that you always knew there was another way of living. Yeah, other than what you were living. What, what, what do you mean by that. Can you talk about that. Yes.

00:07:09.390 --> 00:07:22.950 Gaetane Martin: Send very, very young and I go back a little bit like the question you asked me before. When you see there's always this deep, deep knowing and feeling that if you don't eat food you're going to die.

00:07:23.640 --> 00:07:25.410 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Yes, so

00:07:25.440 --> 00:07:33.930 Gaetane Martin: This was always there. And therefore, you look to eat because you don't want to die. So you're scared, all the time, right.

00:07:35.400 --> 00:07:36.960 Gaetane Martin: Getting a little bit older.

00:07:37.560 --> 00:07:49.170 Dr. Georgeann Dau: And experiment interrupt you moment saying important piece for our listeners, excuse me for interrupting that as a child, no matter what we experience.

00:07:50.220 --> 00:08:04.230 Dr. Georgeann Dau: We will always blame ourselves the child will never look to mother and father and blame them or see what they were instigating in the family.

00:08:04.890 --> 00:08:20.520 Dr. Georgeann Dau: What they were creating in the family, the child always makes it about what they did to deserve this. Yes. And that's unconscious and that's what's held through our adult life until it's worked through. So, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

00:08:20.580 --> 00:08:24.930 Gaetane Martin: Okay, because if you say something you really going to be abandoned.

00:08:25.950 --> 00:08:38.580 Gaetane Martin: Because they're going to know now, or the people want to know, then you keep that a secret. That's a secret that I lived with two hours until I started really on my healing journey to therapy.

00:08:40.050 --> 00:08:56.460 Gaetane Martin: Yes, so I would see then then I was older and and I seeing the violence and the guns and him running after my mother outside and trying to save each other. My brother and I, and then the other. The rest of the family came along and taking care of them and

00:08:58.350 --> 00:09:05.250 Gaetane Martin: So they wouldn't be hungry. The Way We Were my mother took me out of school, as I said, and I was 14 so

00:09:05.760 --> 00:09:13.200 Gaetane Martin: The family that was a bootlegging alcohol. So then we could eat and make money and then they came to open

00:09:13.560 --> 00:09:28.590 Gaetane Martin: Then there was a little restaurant. And then there was money and then those children. The last five of my siblings never went hungry. My brother Robert and I and my my other brother. We did my oldest sister didn't live with us up until then.

00:09:29.670 --> 00:09:40.920 Gaetane Martin: Until you live, but my during that time, though, since I was very, very little. And my mother. This was my mother. My mother gave me one of the gifts that

00:09:42.000 --> 00:09:42.300 Gaetane Martin: I

00:09:43.500 --> 00:09:58.200 Gaetane Martin: That was one gift. She gave me the gift of Jesus. My mother loved Jesus. She loved Christmas, she would. These were the early days that were not as crazy as violent, you see.

00:10:00.060 --> 00:10:06.990 Gaetane Martin: From that time on, and she would take the time to kneel by the bed and say prayers and teachers operators.

00:10:08.310 --> 00:10:09.360 Gaetane Martin: Every single night.

00:10:10.470 --> 00:10:13.530 Dr. Georgeann Dau: And where was your father during that time wasn't there.

00:10:15.540 --> 00:10:18.180 Gaetane Martin: He wasn't he was wherever you know he

00:10:18.960 --> 00:10:38.130 Gaetane Martin: He worked at times, and he was going at times she was waiting us and she was teaching us to pray. We go to church with her her family was very, very religious. They were Catholic very religious people, and it really did believe in God. So my mother never gave me the fear of God.

00:10:39.420 --> 00:10:41.460 Gaetane Martin: And my grandmother word

00:10:41.820 --> 00:10:42.870 Gaetane Martin: My grandmother would

00:10:42.930 --> 00:10:56.070 Gaetane Martin: constantly say, Hey, you know, look at him. The way he lives. He's evil. So you people better go to church and pray. Because you you know you're going to be evil. You are evil like him.

00:10:58.050 --> 00:11:09.150 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Yes. Remember what sin is, you know, sin means from the original Greek translation sin means missing the mark. Yeah, so when

00:11:11.040 --> 00:11:22.080 Dr. Georgeann Dau: The Bible speaks about sin or Jesus spoke about said it was about things that we do that create our own disharmony as human beings and

00:11:23.220 --> 00:11:32.010 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Jesus always chose to spend time with quote the sinners. Right. I say that in parentheses because

00:11:33.420 --> 00:11:35.070 Dr. Georgeann Dau: They had less to hide behind

00:11:35.700 --> 00:11:54.480 Dr. Georgeann Dau: So they were very real. They knew they were broken. We're all broken. The only differences, those of us that know it and work on ourselves through it. You had said that you felt very dirty, except when you went to church. Yes. Can you talk about that. Yes.

00:11:54.960 --> 00:12:01.440 Gaetane Martin: I felt dirty to my to add my whole life. Anyway, up until again, you know, went into really healing.

00:12:02.400 --> 00:12:21.450 Gaetane Martin: I would go to church and I, in my mind, and I guess my grandmother maybe at that stage, God only loves clean people God only loves the beautiful people and the people that go to church. God doesn't love anybody like you looking like all of you.

00:12:22.500 --> 00:12:35.490 Gaetane Martin: Your dirty already as time went along, being sexually abused. I felt filthy. And as you said before you don't send it, it's always your fault even not having anything to eat that your parents.

00:12:36.540 --> 00:12:52.110 Gaetane Martin: Listen, you know, your parents, you have to feed your children. Right. They didn't do that. So you weren't telling anybody. And this is all secrets and and shame and and living like this for years and years and trying to between

00:12:53.310 --> 00:13:02.820 Gaetane Martin: Trying to be queen that church, and I would go to church and I would prefer mom all the time, please me to stop make a stop crying.

00:13:03.930 --> 00:13:19.830 Gaetane Martin: Yeah, that dirt part of my life was really came very much from the incest and then not only that was being poor, and having no soap. Not even having your toothpaste to brush your teeth, teachers, telling you to go home because you stunk.

00:13:21.210 --> 00:13:24.660 Gaetane Martin: So you live with this, you know, many, many, many years.

00:13:26.010 --> 00:13:42.840 Gaetane Martin: That was a big part of my life in two teenage years and I knew all again. I knew this other life, my grandparents lived it that so called clean life that she was talking about. We were talking about all the time because physically

00:13:44.220 --> 00:13:48.000 Gaetane Martin: You could see. I could see. But there was something inside of me.

00:13:49.470 --> 00:13:56.190 Gaetane Martin: That I didn't have words and I couldn't explain that was like a light that would, there would be no

00:13:57.510 --> 00:14:02.640 Gaetane Martin: People don't live this way. I will not live this way with the rest of my day.

00:14:04.050 --> 00:14:07.830 Gaetane Martin: And just constantly I carry this to my whole entire life.

00:14:08.160 --> 00:14:16.650 Gaetane Martin: Really through my whole recovery that carried me through that really very, very clear message.

00:14:17.790 --> 00:14:18.780 I carried with me.

00:14:19.890 --> 00:14:33.390 Gaetane Martin: No matter how bad I felt no matter how dirty. I felt it didn't matter. I was going to live that life how I was going to do that. Well, I thought I was going to move away and change all of it that way. Didn't happen that

00:14:33.960 --> 00:14:46.200 Dr. Georgeann Dau: You know God always says another way than what we're thinking. But nevertheless, God is there, you know. Yeah. So I know that we speak of forgiving me on forgivable yes

00:14:47.310 --> 00:14:53.310 Dr. Georgeann Dau: You know, and it seems like a miracle to be able to forgive your dad and the family.

00:14:54.570 --> 00:14:55.020 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Right.

00:14:55.650 --> 00:15:09.300 Dr. Georgeann Dau: See you as a child with living. Um, I can only see that possible through your own healing and the hands of God. What do you think about that.

00:15:11.310 --> 00:15:16.110 Gaetane Martin: Let me tell you, I would have never ever in my life forgiven this person.

00:15:18.120 --> 00:15:20.070 Gaetane Martin: Years and years in therapy.

00:15:20.520 --> 00:15:26.970 Gaetane Martin: I was in therapy. I was in 12 step programs I became a got to know

00:15:28.200 --> 00:15:36.330 Gaetane Martin: My God, God much better to my spirituality and I still would not forgive this person i i would say I did.

00:15:37.770 --> 00:15:44.940 Gaetane Martin: It all along the way. I didn't until one day I met with this beautiful woman. It's not that many years ago.

00:15:46.110 --> 00:15:49.020 Gaetane Martin: We talked about my father. I had found out again.

00:15:50.130 --> 00:15:53.040 Gaetane Martin: What he had done something so on forgivable

00:15:54.900 --> 00:15:57.000 Gaetane Martin: And I didn't want to believe that again.

00:15:58.320 --> 00:16:07.530 Gaetane Martin: Because that and I was been so disassociated most of my life because of that I could have never survive if I didn't disassociate. It was a gift.

00:16:08.190 --> 00:16:12.300 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Do you want to explain to people listening what disassociated means

00:16:12.420 --> 00:16:28.890 Gaetane Martin: Sure I disassociated for the first time I was 11 years old when I realized what he was doing to me. I was so scared. What happens is it you make it go away. Somehow, now I can't explain it that way, it just completely, totally goes away, you're not there.

00:16:30.030 --> 00:16:34.650 Gaetane Martin: This is happening to you but you're not there, but you can't even say you're not there, because it's just gone.

00:16:36.480 --> 00:16:36.990 Gaetane Martin: But

00:16:39.360 --> 00:16:43.020 Gaetane Martin: People have trauma trauma do this this associate

00:16:43.170 --> 00:16:45.480 Gaetane Martin: The pieces i don't i don't know how they survive, but

00:16:45.510 --> 00:16:47.670 Gaetane Martin: For me, that was my saving grace.

00:16:47.700 --> 00:16:49.080 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Enjoy. Yes.

00:16:49.260 --> 00:16:50.370 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Today, yes.

00:16:50.400 --> 00:17:12.090 Gaetane Martin: However, over the, over the years, over the course of the years of my journey to healing. To me, the most baffling mystery in my life was dis dis Association. How in the world didn't I remember this. How in the world. This happened to me four years old boy, how

00:17:13.530 --> 00:17:14.160 Gaetane Martin: It turns with

00:17:14.610 --> 00:17:26.430 Gaetane Martin: You yeah years of therapy to find out, though, do you know to I can explain this. I take that way you know a little bit. When we come back, perhaps, but to know

00:17:27.510 --> 00:17:28.170 Gaetane Martin: All boy.

00:17:29.760 --> 00:17:38.760 Gaetane Martin: When I finally got it after all these years of therapy and of hard work and of writing and sharing

00:17:39.690 --> 00:17:46.530 Gaetane Martin: And praying. Well that's, yeah. I don't even say because it just natural to me it just it's a natural

00:17:46.560 --> 00:17:47.490 Thing for me. Yes.

00:17:48.570 --> 00:17:49.980 Gaetane Martin: With a lot of clarity.

00:17:51.480 --> 00:17:52.320 I saw that

00:17:53.340 --> 00:17:57.390 Gaetane Martin: You don't the mind does not ever forget anything, really.

00:17:57.930 --> 00:17:58.320 Dr. Georgeann Dau: New for

00:17:58.380 --> 00:18:05.160 Gaetane Martin: Me I I acted it out. Oh boy, all the things that I did that I actually doubt it. I do.

00:18:05.400 --> 00:18:18.120 Gaetane Martin: Why I wanted to hit my head against the wall, how many times. Why can't I just get this in. I did it little by little by little, when I would act out something and it hurts me

00:18:18.930 --> 00:18:20.820 Gaetane Martin: Would always others of course and my

00:18:20.820 --> 00:18:21.690 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Family night.

00:18:22.080 --> 00:18:28.380 Gaetane Martin: Then I got to know, old boy dishes dis associated. All right there we go we entering that storm now.

00:18:29.010 --> 00:18:46.470 Gaetane Martin: This was another part of my life that God I used to say God's taking me by the hand is walking me through the storm, you know, my I'm very visual. Oh boy, I'm entering. Yes. Now this is not going to be easy it each time I got to know my process.

00:18:46.530 --> 00:18:57.510 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Yes. That's why none of us who have we all have been traumatized on some level with our upbringing. We all make mistakes with the children. Sometimes the traumas more than others.

00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:02.280 Dr. Georgeann Dau: You know, psycho analytically.

00:19:03.480 --> 00:19:06.480 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Whatever you brought up or and lives inside of you forever.

00:19:07.590 --> 00:19:08.040 Gaetane Martin: Yes.

00:19:08.190 --> 00:19:14.190 Dr. Georgeann Dau: What we do with that through awareness is the opportunity. So we can never

00:19:15.810 --> 00:19:20.010 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Allow guilt to take us over. We can never

00:19:21.330 --> 00:19:34.050 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Make ourselves wrong for how we handled what went on, because it was a way that we survived that trauma. Yes. And when we're on the journey for healing, um,

00:19:35.010 --> 00:19:50.790 Dr. Georgeann Dau: It becomes very, very clear that that's exactly what we were able to use to get through it. But now it's our opportunity as we look at it to work it through. So we're gonna take a break. It's going so quickly.

00:19:50.880 --> 00:19:54.240 Dr. Georgeann Dau: We're gonna take a break and we'll be right back. Thank you.

00:22:25.500 --> 00:22:30.000 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Welcome back. I'm Dr. George and out and you're joining us

00:22:31.170 --> 00:22:37.380 Dr. Georgeann Dau: To the show a journey through and through awareness with my guest tonight gate and Martin.

00:22:38.910 --> 00:22:59.580 Dr. Georgeann Dau: So I'm gay tan. So, um, when do you believe that you became aware of God's presence. You know, I remember when I was a little and my first show here. I was talking about, um, you know how I came to actually my relationship with Jesus at age three, four.

00:23:02.250 --> 00:23:05.340 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Where do you believe that you first recognize God your life.

00:23:07.650 --> 00:23:09.660 Gaetane Martin: It's a good question. And also,

00:23:10.680 --> 00:23:16.560 Gaetane Martin: Maybe a bit difficult to answer for me because I naturally always

00:23:17.970 --> 00:23:19.410 Gaetane Martin: Always, always knew

00:23:20.760 --> 00:23:25.980 Gaetane Martin: There was a an energy inside of me inside. No, I

00:23:27.120 --> 00:23:38.430 Gaetane Martin: Very close friend, my very, very close friend just was speaking with a couple of weeks ago and brought that brought that up to me. We haven't conversation. And she said, I remember

00:23:39.060 --> 00:23:48.210 Gaetane Martin: You, you know, that was something you done about you inside of you that you had like you could see sure I didn't have that

00:23:48.930 --> 00:23:56.610 Gaetane Martin: You know, we have fun together in a way, but we love each other, always did, and she said you had that. And I said,

00:23:57.510 --> 00:24:06.000 Gaetane Martin: As a teenager. Well, I was in prison. I couldn't go out anywhere you I was kept there for him. Right. And she would see what I'd go your house.

00:24:06.570 --> 00:24:17.940 Gaetane Martin: Now, I could not understand what in the world said was, I could feel it. I could see it. And the reason that I say that I could go back as far as I can remember in my life.

00:24:18.420 --> 00:24:26.310 Gaetane Martin: Yes, and that that that that energy inside of me I couldn't explain it because I didn't know didn't have any words for it.

00:24:27.630 --> 00:24:40.410 Gaetane Martin: I used to pray like automatically. You know, especially the learned prayers, you know, and my with my mother and all. And as time went on I had such incredible clarity and knowing

00:24:41.820 --> 00:25:05.790 Gaetane Martin: Okay, like that instance that happened when I was 16 that I knew at that moment that would this would be all over any was the worst time of my life with him with them and raising my siblings was so sad. I was sad. I was angry. I was everything, every feeling, you can imagine in game yet.

00:25:07.050 --> 00:25:18.390 Gaetane Martin: I used to laugh a lot and I mean it I my friends used to come a decade teen and and I loved them. And I could feel their love. It was like, again, this was given to me.

00:25:18.630 --> 00:25:28.110 Gaetane Martin: Even I could have never in my life survived those Jewish young teenagers without that. So, up to now, all the way through. However,

00:25:29.700 --> 00:25:41.640 Gaetane Martin: My growing in God. My I love Jesus Christ, my whole entire life, hands down, didn't know how to describe it that much. I remember but I used to say, and I still see this. Hey,

00:25:42.120 --> 00:25:49.800 Gaetane Martin: You know Jesus came, me and he told us how to live and he lived it. But I don't say, I don't like the suffering. He's talking about and I was, you know,

00:25:50.370 --> 00:26:03.060 Gaetane Martin: But I looked at as you said before this, to me, was a truth that I've carried. Even now I carry with me. Even now, even more so now because I've walked to my suffering.

00:26:03.480 --> 00:26:13.230 Gaetane Martin: God, I got to believe that God, you know, it's in my suffering and those wounds became sacred bones.

00:26:13.950 --> 00:26:17.040 Dr. Georgeann Dau: There's always crucifixion before the resurrection.

00:26:17.070 --> 00:26:24.510 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Yes. And so many people say, oh, you know, you because I'm a convert to Catholicism. I chose the religion that didn't choose me

00:26:25.140 --> 00:26:32.820 Dr. Georgeann Dau: That you Catholics, you know, you're so into suffering as a way, it's not about that. It's that life, we can all agree.

00:26:33.360 --> 00:26:50.130 Dr. Georgeann Dau: That lot there will be suffering some sort of suffering in this life and you know Jesus showed us how to live with it and throw it okay 10 that just just for the sake of the listeners. When you talk about that you're in prison you and you're not talking about actual prison.

00:26:50.190 --> 00:26:50.490 Gaetane Martin: Know,

00:26:50.520 --> 00:26:59.310 Dr. Georgeann Dau: You were talking about that you felt in prison because your father kept you in a place based on the sexual abuse. Correct.

00:26:59.370 --> 00:27:09.810 Gaetane Martin: Yes, I was not only that I was, I kept seeing that prison because I was not allowed to go out and he felt when out of that house next door neighbor.

00:27:10.500 --> 00:27:22.440 Gaetane Martin: He would have somebody come and get me so I had no and to this day, and a lot of a lot of times I would say this is a miracle. Because I don't even know how I survived this in between these four walls. I do know.

00:27:23.100 --> 00:27:35.370 Gaetane Martin: When I was 16 I was had that message you will leave in every single day of my life. I knew, and I knew that I would know when to go and I did.

00:27:35.400 --> 00:27:36.570 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Yes, yes.

00:27:37.230 --> 00:27:42.390 Dr. Georgeann Dau: You say message from God. Where do I get so excited. Where do you feel this

00:27:42.780 --> 00:27:49.860 Gaetane Martin: Well, it wasn't at that time to me. I didn't, I didn't think that way. You know, I knew, though, that

00:27:51.750 --> 00:27:54.390 Gaetane Martin: What I feel it my whole center.

00:27:54.510 --> 00:27:55.140 Gaetane Martin: Yes.

00:27:55.380 --> 00:27:57.720 Dr. Georgeann Dau: I was just wondering, because it's different for everyone.

00:27:57.900 --> 00:27:59.880 Dr. Georgeann Dau: But that's where it is for me. Yeah.

00:28:02.220 --> 00:28:07.110 Gaetane Martin: And then in my mind my mind became was very clear and very open

00:28:07.320 --> 00:28:23.040 Gaetane Martin: Yeah, goodness that that moment I believed it. And I knew it. And again, now I was going to go and two years later, guess what, I met my first husband and I knew at that point.

00:28:23.850 --> 00:28:33.900 Gaetane Martin: That this was it to leave and no idea before where I was going, or I wasn't going to speak this language again. Now we're speaking English. I didn't even know what

00:28:33.990 --> 00:28:35.910 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Are the speaking, but

00:28:36.750 --> 00:28:41.070 Gaetane Martin: Going back to your question, I knew at 11 years old.

00:28:42.120 --> 00:28:48.210 Gaetane Martin: I knew exactly what was going on inside of me. I knew what he was doing to me was wrong.

00:28:48.270 --> 00:28:48.600 Gaetane Martin: And

00:28:49.080 --> 00:28:50.790 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Scary. And, you know, it was God.

00:28:50.820 --> 00:29:04.140 Gaetane Martin: It was amazing. Yeah. Well, later on, I knew I said because I couldn't survive that you see the reason that I so much speak about speak about God speak about my journey.

00:29:04.860 --> 00:29:19.440 Gaetane Martin: With what we call the last program, a higher power my journey. My belief is so many things happen to me in my life where it was so clear that was not another human being recorded, Dakota come to me and

00:29:19.830 --> 00:29:21.630 Dr. Georgeann Dau: So, just like in the time of

00:29:21.660 --> 00:29:32.490 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Christ. There's nothing that no human being could have done what he did. Now we're going to take a break in about 10 seconds okay and we will be right back.

00:29:33.360 --> 00:29:45.360 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Okay, so it's wonderful to have you here with me gates and thank you. We'll be right back. You're here with Gator and Martin and Dr. George and down. And this is a journey throw into awareness. We'll be right back. Thank you.

00:32:09.360 --> 00:32:29.160 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Welcome back to a journey through with my guest gateway Marta and I'm Dr. George and Dale. Welcome back. So, um, so I know gates and it's very exciting when I'm when you've met the Lord and you have a relationship with the Lord. And I'm so

00:32:30.300 --> 00:32:31.770 Dr. Georgeann Dau: What else would you like to share tonight.

00:32:33.840 --> 00:32:45.330 Gaetane Martin: One important aspect of what we were talking about before about suffering about and I didn't want to hear that I didn't want to any part of that because I was suffering so much to begin with.

00:32:45.510 --> 00:32:46.800 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Sure, and

00:32:46.980 --> 00:33:00.120 Gaetane Martin: I remember along the way throughout my throughout my recovery. My therapy and I did art therapy and I did talk therapy and I was involved in so many groups incense awareness groups and

00:33:00.660 --> 00:33:07.020 Gaetane Martin: Also traveled to Albany with for parents for Megan's Law as part of passing that law, but they are now.

00:33:08.550 --> 00:33:10.770 Gaetane Martin: One day I remember I

00:33:12.210 --> 00:33:28.920 Gaetane Martin: Was looking again of self at suffering and what my life and I would always say you I was given so many gifts from the time I was born, I was very smart and could learn anything in my life could have been could have been could have been

00:33:30.030 --> 00:33:34.980 Gaetane Martin: And one day I realized again see very clearly, listen.

00:33:36.600 --> 00:33:37.620 Gaetane Martin: Your life.

00:33:39.150 --> 00:33:42.810 Gaetane Martin: Was your life was the way we're supposed to be.

00:33:45.330 --> 00:33:47.490 This is what your life was supposed to be.

00:33:48.570 --> 00:33:52.080 Gaetane Martin: For some reason, if I would have heard that inside of me.

00:33:54.480 --> 00:33:57.120 Gaetane Martin: Before that, I would not have accepted it.

00:33:57.480 --> 00:34:10.800 Gaetane Martin: Oh, sure. I said, Okay, all right, because I can't change that I can't go back and change that I keep and I always wanted to. Now, I wanted to make it go away where this would never happen, and

00:34:11.400 --> 00:34:18.300 Gaetane Martin: And and I didn't even want anybody to know which French Canadian people here in New York would say, you know, what do you speak.

00:34:18.870 --> 00:34:33.210 Gaetane Martin: What are you from, and I would make it I THE ONLY THING I never changed about me was my first name when I came to me. So when I accepted that that's was my life. My life that's the way we're supposed to be. Then it became something completely different.

00:34:35.430 --> 00:34:40.230 Gaetane Martin: I that kind of acceptance allowed me to go forward again.

00:34:41.610 --> 00:34:51.900 Gaetane Martin: And now I knew that that like that always knew that I would find I was really was on really now I'm on my way to to find it and continuing

00:34:53.070 --> 00:35:06.240 Gaetane Martin: My work. I also wanted to say that when I moved out of Canada and came to New York to Brooklyn, boy, did I have fun. I was. That's when I live Italian neighborhood.

00:35:07.110 --> 00:35:12.450 Gaetane Martin: To an American neighborhood, and I didn't, I didn't speak English, you know, and

00:35:13.110 --> 00:35:20.160 Gaetane Martin: And I write about this in my book, but I talked about it. And when I tell those stories to people. Now we just roll. Laughing You know

00:35:20.580 --> 00:35:25.890 Gaetane Martin: Because the words that they use. I didn't know I, you know, and I would use these and I didn't know

00:35:26.490 --> 00:35:36.660 Gaetane Martin: And I do public speaking and one of my speeches about when I first moved to Brooklyn and how they spoke on the stupid Brooklyn. I thought that's how American people spoke

00:35:37.410 --> 00:35:48.570 Gaetane Martin: inside of me are so excited and was so happy that all boy I have it me, this is terrific all of this, but now I was really disassociated

00:35:49.860 --> 00:35:59.850 Gaetane Martin: And all of it, but it wasn't going away. I went to Manhattan. I learned to speak English. So I taught took the trains and so brave.

00:36:01.140 --> 00:36:09.780 Gaetane Martin: Such trends so brave so courageous and this was all I never thought of that for a minute that I had courage and I was brave. I just didn't I just went

00:36:10.050 --> 00:36:17.010 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Well, what you're saying is very powerful because the more you go through as a child, the more capacity, you have

00:36:18.150 --> 00:36:25.710 Dr. Georgeann Dau: As you go forward. Yes. Many times, not always, but you know in the in the wound can be the gift.

00:36:26.010 --> 00:36:30.600 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Yes, no, I always look at it as a coin has two sides. Yes.

00:36:31.830 --> 00:36:33.060 Gaetane Martin: Yeah, I have no direction.

00:36:33.060 --> 00:36:37.830 Gaetane Martin: So yeah, I went to. I went to Manhattan. I got a job right away in

00:36:39.870 --> 00:36:44.880 Gaetane Martin: But, and I had my daughter, but inside boy things one changing

00:36:45.900 --> 00:36:46.230 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Sure.

00:36:47.730 --> 00:36:49.170 Gaetane Martin: The rage da angered

00:36:49.290 --> 00:36:50.970 Dr. Georgeann Dau: The second this song.

00:36:51.300 --> 00:37:10.020 Gaetane Martin: This was all there in one day I met someone and again to God's grace someone that directed me to al anon, And in Al anon. I didn't want to go of my ex husband. My husband was an alcoholic. And this is where all the doors open for me in my life to al anon to therapy.

00:37:11.820 --> 00:37:21.270 Gaetane Martin: Everywhere. Everywhere I went for healing and also in my spiritual journey meeting this beautiful lady. God help me with that helped me with

00:37:22.500 --> 00:37:24.180 Gaetane Martin: Getting to know my soul.

00:37:26.730 --> 00:37:27.570 Had no idea

00:37:29.340 --> 00:37:30.150 What this was

00:37:31.440 --> 00:37:33.300 Gaetane Martin: And until the day

00:37:35.010 --> 00:37:36.150 That happen.

00:37:37.320 --> 00:37:38.190 I couldn't forgive

00:37:41.550 --> 00:37:55.920 Gaetane Martin: And this was my process of healing my soul, my soul. And as this lovely lady, put it one day she said you soul has been waiting, you know, and waiting for you. It was very, very emotional, and then very beautiful.

00:37:57.210 --> 00:37:58.470 Gaetane Martin: And she said,

00:38:01.290 --> 00:38:07.950 Gaetane Martin: That's when we talked about my father in everything that he had done, and she suggested that I

00:38:09.090 --> 00:38:17.880 Gaetane Martin: Really, she said, Take a moment and look, everybody in this world is born with this beautiful light, even when my father also had been very abused.

00:38:18.540 --> 00:38:19.890 Dr. Georgeann Dau: She said, absolutely. Yeah.

00:38:19.920 --> 00:38:21.540 Gaetane Martin: She said, when you can see

00:38:22.680 --> 00:38:25.350 Gaetane Martin: A little flicker of that light in him.

00:38:27.060 --> 00:38:34.590 Gaetane Martin: If you want to. This is when forgiveness, welcome. I never I didn't take that could happen because

00:38:35.280 --> 00:38:35.910 Dr. Georgeann Dau: To me.

00:38:36.150 --> 00:38:39.570 Gaetane Martin: You. Sorry. Yeah. Forgiveness is holy. It's a holy

00:38:39.930 --> 00:38:40.440 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Holy

00:38:40.650 --> 00:38:42.060 Gaetane Martin: It's not something that I do.

00:38:42.750 --> 00:38:43.050 Dr. Georgeann Dau: The

00:38:43.170 --> 00:38:43.860 Gaetane Martin: Same thing. Yeah.

00:38:44.190 --> 00:38:47.430 Dr. Georgeann Dau: That is phrase Jesus phrases is that in the Bible.

00:38:48.540 --> 00:38:50.820 Dr. Georgeann Dau: More than almost any word. Yeah.

00:38:50.850 --> 00:38:57.390 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Please forgiveness because it's not that it's a sin. If you don't, it's that we can't get past it.

00:38:58.410 --> 00:39:13.350 Dr. Georgeann Dau: within ourselves if we can't do it for someone else. So it sounds like somewhere with your work, your inner work that you were able to forgive pieces of yourself. Yes, that you were able to then find that within your dad. Yeah.

00:39:13.500 --> 00:39:16.290 Gaetane Martin: And then what you see. Forgiveness is freedom.

00:39:17.250 --> 00:39:17.970 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Say that again.

00:39:18.210 --> 00:39:19.590 Gaetane Martin: Forgiveness is freedom.

00:39:19.680 --> 00:39:20.070 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Joe

00:39:20.250 --> 00:39:21.390 Gaetane Martin: Absolutely. As long as you're

00:39:21.390 --> 00:39:22.530 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Enslaved right

00:39:23.010 --> 00:39:44.220 Gaetane Martin: And from that day on, my life changed and it kept on changing it changed, meaning a lot of the love and I still say because of my history and all the years of abuse and suffering and all that, really, I was called to love. I already

00:39:45.270 --> 00:39:52.470 Gaetane Martin: Was loving and again you lose that when you're constantly battered and abused and you're surviving and to

00:39:52.980 --> 00:39:56.640 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Lose it gator do we lose it doesn't just get buried

00:39:57.060 --> 00:39:58.440 Gaetane Martin: It gets buried buried

00:39:58.650 --> 00:39:59.940 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Because we come from God.

00:40:00.060 --> 00:40:00.390 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Invite

00:40:00.660 --> 00:40:01.950 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Your loss. Right.

00:40:02.400 --> 00:40:05.010 Dr. Georgeann Dau: We come from God, we already do love right

00:40:05.520 --> 00:40:12.660 Gaetane Martin: And then that I went through, you know, my therapy and I still actually I still have a wonderful therapist.

00:40:12.870 --> 00:40:14.760 Gaetane Martin: One day, and I say that

00:40:16.080 --> 00:40:19.740 Gaetane Martin: With love because this is my mental health maintenance.

00:40:20.880 --> 00:40:21.660 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Absolutely.

00:40:21.810 --> 00:40:26.310 Gaetane Martin: Yes, and I will keep that because I work so hard and it's been so difficult.

00:40:27.840 --> 00:40:52.320 Gaetane Martin: To, to get to where I am now to have a beautiful, beautiful life in a peaceful life in a quiet life inside in the snow tumultuous events and there's no this is I I changed my whole self inside out and we are asked to do that if we are going to walk in your

00:40:53.310 --> 00:40:55.170 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Amen to that. Amen.

00:40:55.230 --> 00:40:58.230 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Yes, and I try to help my patients, look at

00:40:58.500 --> 00:40:59.520 Dr. Georgeann Dau: It's not that

00:40:59.550 --> 00:41:03.360 Dr. Georgeann Dau: You will being changed into something you never were.

00:41:03.540 --> 00:41:05.520 Dr. Georgeann Dau: You know that there was something wrong with you.

00:41:05.610 --> 00:41:07.650 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Like you were meeting.

00:41:08.700 --> 00:41:12.150 Dr. Georgeann Dau: The truth of who you always were. This is so true.

00:41:13.170 --> 00:41:22.470 Gaetane Martin: I have never known myself as good as I do now in that real person that real girl that real

00:41:23.220 --> 00:41:31.020 Gaetane Martin: The beginning of my life that beauty that innocence. It's all here. And, and I see it, and I feel it and I live it.

00:41:31.710 --> 00:41:47.820 Gaetane Martin: You know, I can live in each talk about the resurrection, you know, again, the stories Jesus right I would see what the heck is he talking about I just bad guy with him on this call. So, whatever, you know, but then yet and always inside of those messages.

00:41:48.870 --> 00:41:49.500 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Always

00:41:49.710 --> 00:41:51.180 Gaetane Martin: Yes, the messages that

00:41:52.500 --> 00:42:12.030 Gaetane Martin: And I think we spoke about this before, is we talk about this never goes away, but we do i do anyway. I found a complete life and in my life. I found my life. My gifts, the strength, the courage. I was always there. I draw upon it. Now, in a very different way.

00:42:12.270 --> 00:42:12.780 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Yes.

00:42:12.870 --> 00:42:15.060 Gaetane Martin: To live a full life and to thrive.

00:42:15.390 --> 00:42:28.770 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Beautiful. Yes, we learn to navigate differently with them. Yes. Beautiful gates and really beautiful and I'm yes i love this psychological comments areas of the gospel.

00:42:29.580 --> 00:42:31.440 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Yeah, that's my passion, you know that.

00:42:32.400 --> 00:42:37.350 Gaetane Martin: For me it's, it was, it was so simple. I, I made it so simple.

00:42:38.460 --> 00:42:57.150 Gaetane Martin: I could not make it complicated was okay so it as, as I went along, go to work my suffering and let me tell you something. There were times when this was so hard. It was so painful to have to relive this horror and to remember it.

00:42:57.660 --> 00:42:59.850 Dr. Georgeann Dau: And that's why most people don't want to do the work.

00:42:59.880 --> 00:43:09.390 Gaetane Martin: Know exactly, exactly. You have to really be brave. You know, and you can draw upon this the source that's given freely given to us.

00:43:09.480 --> 00:43:11.490 Gaetane Martin: Yes, don't even have to ask for it.

00:43:11.550 --> 00:43:20.880 Gaetane Martin: Absolutely. It was freely given to us. We can we can draw from it or at any time. But it depends. Like for me right now. I live.

00:43:21.690 --> 00:43:38.700 Gaetane Martin: To be me. So, you know, and to look at the good and the darker sides and the ego and the true self and and to leave all that it's really beautiful my writing is so much easier things flow. My relationship with Jim my engagement just Christmas.

00:43:39.510 --> 00:43:40.440 Our engagement.

00:43:41.910 --> 00:43:54.150 Gaetane Martin: You this Christmas and my children. My children are such incredible, loving human beings, I, I have relationships with them to do that. I never thought that I would especially with

00:43:54.180 --> 00:43:57.180 Gaetane Martin: My daughter, my daughter is so precious right now.

00:43:57.660 --> 00:44:04.320 Gaetane Martin: You know, great. Yeah. And it's so real. Yeah, this girl is very real. I'm real yeah and

00:44:04.620 --> 00:44:11.010 Dr. Georgeann Dau: So I look forward to hearing more about this when we come back, it's time for another break it goes so quickly, doesn't it.

00:44:11.160 --> 00:44:21.150 Dr. Georgeann Dau: I know it. So we'll be right back with gates a mindset and a journey through it. So awareness. That's why I entitled it a journey through because you have to go through the pain.

00:44:21.360 --> 00:44:21.840 Gaetane Martin: Uh huh.

00:44:22.860 --> 00:44:24.840 Dr. Georgeann Dau: We'll be right back. Thank you.

00:46:51.270 --> 00:46:53.580 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Hi, welcome back. Here we are.

00:46:54.840 --> 00:46:59.910 Dr. Georgeann Dau: A Journey Through with K 10 my 10 so 10 you were talking a little bit about your daughter.

00:47:01.830 --> 00:47:02.520 Gaetane Martin: Yes.

00:47:04.380 --> 00:47:07.110 Gaetane Martin: My daughter and I

00:47:08.670 --> 00:47:12.510 Gaetane Martin: Our journey was very difficult. Laurie was born, I was only 22

00:47:14.490 --> 00:47:16.170 Gaetane Martin: Always suffered a lot to all that

00:47:17.400 --> 00:47:29.130 Gaetane Martin: That I was suffering in the way I was raising her me. I didn't abuse my children, you know, they say you're sexually abuse you do you know for me I overprotected

00:47:30.510 --> 00:47:41.520 Gaetane Martin: Over protecting and to a point where it was ridiculous. I didn't live this girl, really. I didn't wouldn't was not going to give him give her and my son's

00:47:41.850 --> 00:47:55.140 Gaetane Martin: Much freedom because I was always afraid in the back of my mind. Somebody would be abusing them. And at the time I was not on my journey to healing my daughter, as I said, it was only 22 I started my journey was 3433

00:47:56.610 --> 00:48:09.180 Gaetane Martin: And yes, she Lori suffered with this emotionally an awful lot in a lot of ways. And I became so angry all the time and I didn't want to be that way. I didn't

00:48:09.720 --> 00:48:24.120 Gaetane Martin: I love there and she knows this issue would always say, no matter what happened. Mommy, you always love you know us an awful lot and it was affectionate with them was very, very careful how I help them and

00:48:25.950 --> 00:48:47.550 Gaetane Martin: So yeah, Laurie had a difficult time I in those days. I was so disassociated and was trying to be someone that I couldn't be trying to be perfect and clean and as the years went by a film dirtier and leaves with more shame Alicia more fear, you know, and my daughter felt all of that.

00:48:48.690 --> 00:48:49.230 Gaetane Martin: She did.

00:48:49.920 --> 00:49:04.650 Gaetane Martin: And we so we had a difficult relationship for quite a while. We did some therapy together and mana sadness and more. We still lovely. We have a lot of fun. A lot. A lot of fun. All three of them. Now, you know,

00:49:06.300 --> 00:49:13.770 Gaetane Martin: What we've gone through our journeys together again suffering a lot of suffering. How could you not coming where I came from.

00:49:13.800 --> 00:49:15.660 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Well, of course, absolutely.

00:49:15.870 --> 00:49:21.270 Gaetane Martin: Yes. And, and also I repeat to myself. A lot of times you did this, you did that, how could you know

00:49:22.080 --> 00:49:23.520 Dr. Georgeann Dau: I could, you know, could you know

00:49:23.580 --> 00:49:24.480 Gaetane Martin: Yeah, all I do is

00:49:25.590 --> 00:49:37.620 Gaetane Martin: I survived. I never knew there was a future. I never knew if I don't do it now. All boy this is a dumb done never saved for a future of incredible jobs i i

00:49:38.910 --> 00:49:42.120 Gaetane Martin: All of it was lived through insects.

00:49:43.470 --> 00:49:56.850 Gaetane Martin: permeates every single part of a human being we need attacks and it's an attack on your soul anyone listening. This is a crime that is committed against you. So each time.

00:49:57.390 --> 00:50:05.580 Gaetane Martin: Yes time a perpetrator violates you take your innocence, especially I'm talking about incest. I'm talking about families.

00:50:07.140 --> 00:50:08.550 Gaetane Martin: It's so important.

00:50:09.810 --> 00:50:22.440 Gaetane Martin: In your family to know these things are not. Okay. Right. And a lot of times I am so grateful to God, I'm so grateful that I call myself intact that I'm fine.

00:50:23.250 --> 00:50:32.880 Gaetane Martin: I never did drugs. I never did it alcohol. I never did any of these things. I was never are promiscuous. I wanted to be good and clean but it was ridiculous.

00:50:33.450 --> 00:50:35.850 Gaetane Martin: It is ridiculous because nobody could leave this one.

00:50:36.120 --> 00:50:46.500 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Yeah, when you talk about this association. What I'm hearing us ways when we cannot face. What we lived through

00:50:48.660 --> 00:51:05.070 Dr. Georgeann Dau: We defend against it and, in your case, what I'm hearing is in that defense. You want it to be clean. Yeah, perfect as a defense against what you were really feeling or what made you feel about yourself. Yes. And we all do that on

00:51:05.700 --> 00:51:17.790 Dr. Georgeann Dau: In certain ways, yes, um, you know, if we were brought up to me to feel that we were stupid bye mommy and daddy no criticism, we can only give what we were brought up with

00:51:19.290 --> 00:51:27.030 Dr. Georgeann Dau: And then we grow up to have every degree in the book and try to live up to an expectation of that I'm brilliant

00:51:28.080 --> 00:51:35.850 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Even if we really struggle to keep up that facade. So yeah, so I'm hearing defense. We talked about

00:51:37.110 --> 00:51:39.720 Dr. Georgeann Dau: This associative. So, um,

00:51:41.640 --> 00:52:01.200 Dr. Georgeann Dau: It's wonderful to hear you talk about your recognition of your wounded Mrs being sacred wounds. I know. Richard Ross speaks a lot about that you read him as well as I do. I had the privilege of taking classes with him. Incredible man really brilliant man and I'm

00:52:03.660 --> 00:52:04.530 Dr. Georgeann Dau: neurologic

00:52:05.520 --> 00:52:14.100 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Yes, we were wounded. Yes. And then support and I want all the listeners to to hear that and recognize that that

00:52:16.590 --> 00:52:20.820 Dr. Georgeann Dau: In facing that in ourselves. That's what sets us free.

00:52:21.330 --> 00:52:28.530 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Yes, and you find the many ways now that are available.

00:52:30.030 --> 00:52:37.140 Dr. Georgeann Dau: To journey through whatever it is that we're feeling ashamed of

00:52:38.820 --> 00:52:40.080 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Strapped with

00:52:41.280 --> 00:52:43.440 Dr. Georgeann Dau: I'm prisoner of

00:52:44.880 --> 00:52:46.080 Dr. Georgeann Dau: whatever that might be.

00:52:47.280 --> 00:52:47.640 Gaetane Martin: I was

00:52:48.240 --> 00:52:50.520 Dr. Georgeann Dau: You're already love you were born in love.

00:52:50.970 --> 00:52:59.010 Gaetane Martin: Very much. And I was asked. Not long ago, this lovely lady and she's suffering right now. And she's going through

00:53:00.150 --> 00:53:09.540 Gaetane Martin: And she's very angry and she said to me, can you tell me how you process that anger that you had

00:53:11.250 --> 00:53:17.130 Gaetane Martin: My answer to this, because that's how I lived angry and then enraged

00:53:18.180 --> 00:53:29.250 Gaetane Martin: As I went along in healing that I recognized when I started to really recognize what was under. Yeah. Oh, boy. And I had to feel

00:53:29.700 --> 00:53:42.180 Gaetane Martin: Yes, sadness, so sadness DDD is just grieving the loss of innocence, the loss of so all of it. That was taken away from me.

00:53:42.750 --> 00:53:51.600 Gaetane Martin: No wonder I am so incredibly blessed that I didn't hurt anybody. I mean, it was that much. And this is what I had said to her,

00:53:51.990 --> 00:54:06.960 Gaetane Martin: I said, when you really look in startling me I write a lot, but my art therapy was the best therapy that I could have ever done for healing art therapy and expressed so much to. All right.

00:54:08.910 --> 00:54:16.560 Gaetane Martin: Then, little by little, I started to break down that anger and outrage that didn't belong to anybody around me.

00:54:17.670 --> 00:54:20.190 Gaetane Martin: You know that pain that shame.

00:54:21.270 --> 00:54:41.310 Gaetane Martin: That ugly, you know, abuse that didn't belong to me. I didn't do this. I wasn't part of this as a little girl. The blame the shame the dirt, but the sadness because of it. The years of losing so much of my life of my precious love life love

00:54:42.720 --> 00:54:47.880 Gaetane Martin: It. That's when the anger started to be a little less at a time.

00:54:48.990 --> 00:54:57.840 Gaetane Martin: And and cry and talk about what was under and then a trigger. Boy, I'd be triggered like needs to call a firecracker

00:54:58.200 --> 00:55:01.860 Gaetane Martin: I anything that has a better because

00:55:01.890 --> 00:55:04.440 Dr. Georgeann Dau: sadness is all sadness.

00:55:06.810 --> 00:55:11.040 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Anger is always a cover up for sadness and fear. Fear.

00:55:11.280 --> 00:55:23.850 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Fear, always. And you know what I'm hearing you talk about which so important for everyone to hear is that we must re experience in our adult life.

00:55:25.110 --> 00:55:45.510 Dr. Georgeann Dau: The depth of feeling from the trauma that went on in our youth. When it first happened. We have to experience that pain now because we have to journey through it. We all would like to not feel it, not face it avoid it, it doesn't work. No, it doesn't work.

00:55:47.070 --> 00:56:10.170 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Not only am I an analyst, but I'm only as good as I am, because I've had 40 years of my own personal analytical journey and you had said something very, very important to him. Before we end, you said everything, many, many things important dates and, but, um, you said that

00:56:11.880 --> 00:56:30.450 Dr. Georgeann Dau: That suffering is a godly journey. The ordinary life becomes a godly journey and until there has been a journey through the suffering, yes, I do not believe that we have the true healing authority or ability to lead anybody to any place.

00:56:31.830 --> 00:56:34.080 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Amen. And that's the truth.

00:56:34.170 --> 00:56:35.430 Dr. Georgeann Dau: That's true, because it

00:56:35.700 --> 00:56:36.960 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Doesn't matter how many

00:56:36.960 --> 00:56:42.750 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Degrees, someone has unless they have climb that mountain and journey through

00:56:44.730 --> 00:56:52.890 Dr. Georgeann Dau: You're not going to move anybody or yourself anywhere. So I want to thank you it's. I can't believe we're at the end of our time. I want to

00:56:53.040 --> 00:56:56.280 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Thank you get saying so much, so much for joining me.

00:56:56.280 --> 00:57:09.360 Dr. Georgeann Dau: Again, being presence here, and may God bless you, and may God bless all of us. I want to thank you for joining us tonight, and we'll see you next week. We have another good show next week detail. Thank you.

00:57:09.750 --> 00:57:10.080 Gaetane Martin: Thank you.

00:57:10.290 --> 00:57:13.560 Gaetane Martin: Again, thank you for having me. Thank you so much. Thank you.

00:57:14.730 --> 00:57:15.330 Dr. Georgeann Dau: God bless.

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