We as human beings are quite complex. Our early developmental years have conditioned us to view the world, ourselves and each other in layered perceptions and distortions.
These views are layered deep within us having us take on certain choices and behaviors that can be counter productive to our journey through to awareness.
Join us as we peel back the layers discovering the driving forces towards addiction and recovery. We'll discuss this and more with our guest Ryan Scharfenberger.
Tune in for this philosophical conversation at TalkRadio.nyc or watch the Facebook Livestream by clicking here.
GeorgeAnn Dau challenges listeners to challenge your mind and ask where God is. The answer, God is everywhere. GeorgeAnn welcomes special guest Ryan Scharfenberger. Ryan explains what happened in his life that opened him up to God. He credits a couples therapy session with his wife to opening him up to his journey of awareness and forcing him to take a deeper look at himself. Alcohol and drug abuse was the surface-level issue, masking deeper scars from past trauma.
Ryan talks about how his spiritual side makes him question if he’s ever really doing enough to connect with God. He’s found that his relationship with God is connected mostly through small gestures and acts of kindness throughout his day. Each relationship is different and important in its own way. GeorgeAnn explains how we can reach a truer sense of self for our own benefit. Ryan mentions his early childhood life and how he grew into an adult putting on a front to cover the scars of being abandoned by his father as a child. His “frat” lifestyle almost went too far right before he was saved.
GeorgeAnn and Ryan discuss how feelings shouldn’t be masked, but should be sat with and felt. Ryan shares he doesn’t remember much from his 20’s, and that he now craves the growth of his new life feeling all his emotions as they come to him. They also unravel the importance of peeling your layers to reach the core of who you truly are as a person. Like an onion, there are many layers waiting to be unraveled. “All growth starts in the darkness.” GeorgeAnn proclaims. At the end of this segment GeorgeAnn asks Ryan to share what it was like battling with his alcoholism and drug addiction after the commercial break.
In this final segment, Ryan answers the question from the previous segment. He shares the most interesting part of his journey, when there was a moment in time when he stopped and listened to the sounds of nature around him. This moment, hearing the leaves, bird and wind, was a moment he had never previously had. A moment of peace. Normally, his mind would be clouded with the voice in his head, the superego and triggering his need to suppress it. GeorgeAnn invites Ryan to come back on in the future and share more about his journey. Segment is ended with a closing prayer.
00:00:43.920 --> 00:00:52.770 Georgeann Dau: Hi, everyone. Thanks for joining us. I'm Dr. George and Dell and the name of our show is a journey through
00:00:54.000 --> 00:01:04.650 Georgeann Dau: And we have a very special guest with us this evening. For those of you are tuning in for the first time. I'm a psychoanalyst and spiritual director
00:01:05.490 --> 00:01:31.440 Georgeann Dau: And I work with people that are well that are looking to grasp a deeper understanding of themselves, their behaviors, their choices and their attitudes as life is working and maybe not working as well as they would like it to know one of the things that I've noticed is people that
00:01:32.640 --> 00:01:33.690 Georgeann Dau: Come into treatment.
00:01:35.850 --> 00:01:54.300 Georgeann Dau: Generally, our 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, because as we approach our second half of life we begin to recognize that some of the ways that we've dealt with life stop working. And there's a lot of reasons for that.
00:01:55.830 --> 00:02:12.300 Georgeann Dau: I have spoken in the past about our pre talking experience intrauterine to age seven, and what goes on inside of a child, depending on their home life, their experience in the womb.
00:02:13.410 --> 00:02:21.480 Georgeann Dau: Their experience with this siblings and all authority figures, how the child is made to feel in that environment.
00:02:22.530 --> 00:02:30.360 Georgeann Dau: And based on that, and a lot of other things which we will continue to talk about at some point, but not so much tonight.
00:02:31.470 --> 00:02:46.080 Georgeann Dau: We take on different attitudes towards life distortions perceptions that we count on to us in life, because we see them as the way, the truth and the light
00:02:47.520 --> 00:03:05.040 Georgeann Dau: As the way through. But we're called to awareness to a deeper sense of self, a truer sense of self and to go beyond the limits of our mind, because we are more than our minds, we have a deep connection with our Creator.
00:03:06.960 --> 00:03:10.740 Georgeann Dau: Whatever you want to call our Creator with God.
00:03:11.790 --> 00:03:12.450 Georgeann Dau: And
00:03:14.280 --> 00:03:34.200 Georgeann Dau: We're all connected. Every one of us, you know, if we were going to ask where God is. It would be like a fish asking where the water is God is everywhere right now here with us. And so as we begin to enter into our prayer time tonight because we are all always
00:03:35.490 --> 00:03:48.960 Georgeann Dau: In the audience of God. So I want to thank you for joining us tonight, and I want to thank my unbelievable special guest Ryan shelf and burger. Hi, Ryan. Thanks.
00:03:49.050 --> 00:03:51.150 Georgeann Dau: So much for joining us tonight.
00:03:52.350 --> 00:04:21.900 Georgeann Dau: Really appreciate it. You know, before we move on, on last week with Danielle Waldman was our guest. And for those of you that would like to contact her because she's a somatic healer, as well as a holistic life coach her email is Danielle de da da n IE LL e Waldman W el de ma n.com
00:04:23.100 --> 00:04:38.370 Georgeann Dau: So Ryan, I know that I've known Ryan for a little while now and very, very special man very bright smart and some always says a lot on the ball.
00:04:39.180 --> 00:04:59.190 Georgeann Dau: And when we met there were some ways that Ryan was conducting his life that were not working for him. And what's interesting about when life isn't working for us. It really has to bring us to our knees before we can acknowledge that it's not working for us and
00:05:00.390 --> 00:05:09.330 Georgeann Dau: Because most of the time we go through our life unconscious and we really don't know if something isn't working, unless it's sort of causes us a problem.
00:05:09.870 --> 00:05:24.210 Georgeann Dau: It's pretty funny. And then we all sort of pray, God help me with this so I'm Ryan became a patient of mine, and we have certainly over the many years become
00:05:25.500 --> 00:05:34.260 Georgeann Dau: Very, very good friends as well as a matter of fact, I have the honor and privilege and I would love to have her on the show, but she's only going to be two.
00:05:35.280 --> 00:05:49.380 Georgeann Dau: But the godmother of my favorite person in the whole world to name is century. So she's my beautiful little girl and Ryan's the wonderful father does a great job parenting. So I'm Ryan, what was it that
00:05:50.520 --> 00:05:57.240 Georgeann Dau: Began to sort of break down, causing you to seek out
00:05:58.890 --> 00:06:03.060 Georgeann Dau: Treatment wanting to possibly look at things a little differently.
00:06:04.410 --> 00:06:05.610 Georgeann Dau: Can you talk about that.
00:06:05.820 --> 00:06:14.460 Ryan Scharfenberger: Yeah, absolutely. Um, if I if I'm candid about it. I think that there's two
00:06:15.510 --> 00:06:19.860 Ryan Scharfenberger: Kinds of scenarios. One is you can be brought to your knees.
00:06:20.880 --> 00:06:23.070 Ryan Scharfenberger: Asking for help.
00:06:24.480 --> 00:06:35.010 Ryan Scharfenberger: And then another is someone possibly special in your life or that cares about you. So whether its family or it's a way for us to good friend.
00:06:37.140 --> 00:06:48.120 Ryan Scharfenberger: You know, suggests that maybe things aren't working the way that you're seeing them yourself. And for me on a relationship level.
00:06:49.260 --> 00:06:50.760 Ryan Scharfenberger: You know, my wife and I
00:06:52.560 --> 00:06:59.610 Ryan Scharfenberger: Wanted to eventually have kids and the way in which I was conducting my life.
00:07:00.660 --> 00:07:07.680 Ryan Scharfenberger: That was not going to be a path that my wife wanted to take with me.
00:07:09.000 --> 00:07:12.900 Ryan Scharfenberger: So it really started, I don't know, five or six years ago.
00:07:15.030 --> 00:07:18.510 Ryan Scharfenberger: From a couple's their analysis.
00:07:19.620 --> 00:07:25.110 Ryan Scharfenberger: And with that came individual analysis.
00:07:26.700 --> 00:07:44.910 Ryan Scharfenberger: And you know the the individual analysis in my opinion in working with you is really what kind of got me to see things a little bit differently than how I was seeing them take a deeper look at myself.
00:07:45.990 --> 00:07:55.590 Ryan Scharfenberger: And how I was behaving and showing up in the world. And it was by no means an overnight process. It's still ongoing.
00:07:56.520 --> 00:08:11.610 Ryan Scharfenberger: But, but that's kind of how it all started. And then, which I'm sure we'll talk about a little bit. There was, there was a big component of which was, you know, alcohol and drug abuse.
00:08:13.470 --> 00:08:18.390 Ryan Scharfenberger: Which I now know kind of where it stemmed from
00:08:19.650 --> 00:08:26.700 Ryan Scharfenberger: It certainly wasn't that I love the taste of alcohol or loved in the act of doing a drug.
00:08:27.720 --> 00:08:47.850 Ryan Scharfenberger: Employers a lot deeper than that. So that's kind of how it all started five years ago and sobriety has been over three years. So the combination of everything has kind of led me to where I am today, which is really the happiest place I've been in my life. Yeah, it's beautiful.
00:08:48.210 --> 00:08:49.800 Georgeann Dau: And, you know, just by you.
00:08:50.880 --> 00:08:58.230 Georgeann Dau: Truly humbling yourself and allowing yourself to say yes to being a guest on my show.
00:08:59.400 --> 00:09:04.800 Georgeann Dau: Says that says volumes about you without you even opening your mouth.
00:09:05.880 --> 00:09:17.460 Georgeann Dau: And you're going to help so many people that are listening tonight because many times people cannot face what they're ashamed of, and when I said before that.
00:09:18.390 --> 00:09:31.320 Georgeann Dau: Many times people don't know until they're on their needs that they are not on the right path that they do need health help and I'm you know for you.
00:09:32.790 --> 00:09:45.450 Georgeann Dau: And most of my clients, but especially you right now, you know, such a Spectacular. Spectacular human being that had these layers on top of
00:09:47.010 --> 00:10:10.950 Georgeann Dau: Your true self that with analysis, we were able to face work through the shame work through the embarrassment of what it means to possibly feel in regard to alcohol and drugs and the truth is, is that most of us are addicted to something, even if it's a gossip.
00:10:12.030 --> 00:10:12.660 Georgeann Dau: TV.
00:10:14.010 --> 00:10:16.050 Georgeann Dau: Food coffee.
00:10:17.550 --> 00:10:18.630 Georgeann Dau: I can go on and on.
00:10:20.130 --> 00:10:35.490 Georgeann Dau: So, you know, kudos to you that you faced it then. And you on such a great path now and that you're here to share from your heart about that journey because it will help those that are listening or maybe those that
00:10:37.320 --> 00:10:45.060 Georgeann Dau: The listeners might want to introduce because the shows are recorded so people can listen after the fact.
00:10:46.350 --> 00:10:46.830 Georgeann Dau: Um,
00:10:50.190 --> 00:10:51.810 Georgeann Dau: What is it, Ryan, that
00:10:53.640 --> 00:10:54.870 Georgeann Dau: Had you begin
00:10:56.790 --> 00:11:00.000 Georgeann Dau: To an intake of alcohol. What was it
00:11:03.450 --> 00:11:14.130 Ryan Scharfenberger: What did I it's I guess it's a two part question. It's, it's, what did I kind of think it was and who I was and what do I now know it was
00:11:16.590 --> 00:11:18.510 Ryan Scharfenberger: What did I think it was, it was
00:11:20.520 --> 00:11:35.850 Ryan Scharfenberger: It was loving to be around people loving you know the party atmosphere. The socializing. The way it kind of made me feel and loosen up
00:11:37.950 --> 00:11:39.450 Ryan Scharfenberger: You know, and that
00:11:40.500 --> 00:11:41.940 Ryan Scharfenberger: That kept going.
00:11:43.020 --> 00:11:45.480 Ryan Scharfenberger: And it wasn't until probably my
00:11:46.530 --> 00:12:03.270 Ryan Scharfenberger: MID 30s, that there were a few instances where it was like, I probably take it a little too far right, I, I go to the bar and immediately order two beers when everyone else's casually drinking one, but I, I didn't want to look at that.
00:12:04.500 --> 00:12:11.100 Ryan Scharfenberger: And. And what's so interesting to me and you and I talked about this is
00:12:13.140 --> 00:12:25.140 Ryan Scharfenberger: At least for me. My experience is, you can't just say okay I drink too much. I'm going to stop. I need drugs. Okay, I'm going to stop because that's
00:12:26.010 --> 00:12:43.260 Ryan Scharfenberger: That's a problem. It's not the problem. And until you start to look at yourself and dig a little bit deeper as to what the root causes for your drinking
00:12:44.100 --> 00:13:01.170 Ryan Scharfenberger: Or whatever it is that's making being mean to people, you know, whatever it is that's a cover up for the real pain or suffering that that you have from
00:13:02.310 --> 00:13:13.800 Ryan Scharfenberger: You know, when the greatest things that you've taught me is kind of that intrauterine zero to seven ages and how how meaningful that is and shaping you in the way that
00:13:14.760 --> 00:13:27.930 Ryan Scharfenberger: That you are in your life in your everyday life. You know, I always think I, I say this to you, but it's it's like trying to build a house without a foundation right like that, that those years or so instrumental
00:13:29.220 --> 00:13:32.730 Ryan Scharfenberger: In building the foundation kind of who you are as a human being.
00:13:33.480 --> 00:13:54.300 Georgeann Dau: Absolutely, it is absolutely is the foundation. No question. And you, you mentioned something very, very important amidst all the things you're saying is important that you know the big difference between analysis and therapy and therapies. Terrific. You know, it gives a lot of tools mantras.
00:13:55.380 --> 00:14:07.650 Georgeann Dau: Different ways of speaking to yourself, which is all very, very important analysis really helps to bring someone into the depth of their false self.
00:14:08.130 --> 00:14:27.870 Georgeann Dau: And face that so get to the core issue really important. So before we move on. We're going to take a brief break and all of you. I want to thank you for tuning in and we'll see you momentarily. Dr. George and Dale and Ryan Shaw from Burger.
00:16:46.200 --> 00:16:54.540 Georgeann Dau: Hi, welcome back. Dr. George and down a journey through into awareness and our guest Ryan Sharpe and burger.
00:16:55.560 --> 00:16:55.950 Georgeann Dau: So,
00:16:57.120 --> 00:16:57.600 Georgeann Dau: Ryan.
00:16:59.190 --> 00:17:01.050 Georgeann Dau: How, how would you
00:17:02.430 --> 00:17:03.390 Georgeann Dau: Talk about
00:17:04.530 --> 00:17:07.290 Georgeann Dau: How the this process of moving
00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:13.620 Georgeann Dau: Into awareness has supported your spiritual journey or has it.
00:17:17.220 --> 00:17:19.740 Ryan Scharfenberger: Yes, it certainly has
00:17:21.270 --> 00:17:23.550 Ryan Scharfenberger: And that's not something that
00:17:24.900 --> 00:17:35.820 Ryan Scharfenberger: Came easily to me or even now and you and I talked about this necessarily comes easy to me because
00:17:39.120 --> 00:17:47.010 Ryan Scharfenberger: I carry a level of guilt towards my relationship with God because
00:17:49.440 --> 00:18:01.710 Ryan Scharfenberger: I'm wondering if I'm doing enough. And then I'm wondering if I don't, you know, sit in prayer enough or go to church enough, you know, from the spiritual side of things.
00:18:03.390 --> 00:18:06.840 Ryan Scharfenberger: And then I immediately kind of have this thought of.
00:18:07.860 --> 00:18:11.220 Ryan Scharfenberger: You know, maybe just the way I'm showing up.
00:18:14.610 --> 00:18:25.890 Ryan Scharfenberger: In my daily life, you know, doing right by people treating people kind is is kind of my my gratitude.
00:18:26.760 --> 00:18:36.030 Ryan Scharfenberger: And God kind of moving through me to, you know, I obviously don't take credit for what I do. But maybe that's the relationship and I
00:18:36.450 --> 00:18:50.910 Ryan Scharfenberger: There is no right or wrong. I don't think that it's kind of what it is for you. So maybe that's what it is for me. Um, but I had to subscribe to the, the spiritual aspect.
00:18:52.440 --> 00:18:56.280 Ryan Scharfenberger: Of this whole process and and that
00:18:57.600 --> 00:19:03.000 Ryan Scharfenberger: That really came with, you know, sobriety for me.
00:19:04.590 --> 00:19:10.800 Ryan Scharfenberger: You know, we had worked. I had been analysis for a couple of years, which certainly
00:19:11.820 --> 00:19:21.300 Ryan Scharfenberger: Started to allow me to look at myself which and introduced me kind of back into the spiritual side of things.
00:19:22.380 --> 00:19:34.740 Ryan Scharfenberger: But which is maybe why why my god was was there to help him when I when I most needed it and and one morning after a long night out.
00:19:35.790 --> 00:19:37.410 Ryan Scharfenberger: For the most part,
00:19:39.720 --> 00:19:47.340 Ryan Scharfenberger: The feeling was lifted from me and and and there's just no possible way that that was me alone because
00:19:47.340 --> 00:19:48.150 Georgeann Dau: It's feeling
00:19:49.230 --> 00:19:50.910 Ryan Scharfenberger: The feeling of of
00:19:54.270 --> 00:19:56.910 Ryan Scharfenberger: Wanting to drink anymore wanting to drink anymore.
00:19:58.920 --> 00:20:01.530 Ryan Scharfenberger: Something bigger than me.
00:20:03.360 --> 00:20:06.630 Ryan Scharfenberger: Had enough right and
00:20:07.830 --> 00:20:17.580 Ryan Scharfenberger: Then there were countless countless hundreds of times where I either justified it or figured a way to wiggle out of it or
00:20:19.320 --> 00:20:24.450 Ryan Scharfenberger: Whatever it was, but that last time.
00:20:25.500 --> 00:20:27.600 Ryan Scharfenberger: The next morning it was
00:20:29.070 --> 00:20:40.350 Ryan Scharfenberger: That's it, you know and and that that just couldn't have been me alone because why would I have made that decision earlier. Right.
00:20:40.380 --> 00:20:41.160 Absolutely.
00:20:43.230 --> 00:20:45.870 Ryan Scharfenberger: Because who would really want to live.
00:20:46.980 --> 00:20:50.400 Ryan Scharfenberger: That way with gain, you know, shame, guilt,
00:20:51.900 --> 00:21:02.700 Ryan Scharfenberger: Physical feelings of tired hung over unproductive, you know, lazy disappointing people that you care about, right, I mean,
00:21:03.750 --> 00:21:13.680 Ryan Scharfenberger: No one would really ever choose to make those decisions on their own. So, but I did over and over and over again until the kind of last time, so
00:21:14.700 --> 00:21:33.240 Ryan Scharfenberger: So that's kind of where it really took shape for me and and it's something that I'm still, you know, working on and and I've kind of given myself a little bit of slack in that this is a long journey and a long road and and
00:21:34.410 --> 00:21:36.870 Ryan Scharfenberger: Kind of go with it as it as it comes to me.
00:21:39.600 --> 00:21:43.920 Ryan Scharfenberger: And that's really where I'm at, with my my spiritual side of of the German
00:21:45.540 --> 00:21:57.690 Ryan Scharfenberger: I'm aware of it and i and i and i wanted i want it to be more in my life. But for right now, it's the relationship is good and it's certainly a part of of me in my journey for sure.
00:21:59.250 --> 00:22:13.530 Georgeann Dau: And what you just said again is just very important because you you you are consciously speaking about God having a relationship with you and you accepting the relationship with God.
00:22:14.220 --> 00:22:23.670 Georgeann Dau: You know, all through Scripture and I sent you this by Bishop Robert Barron yesterday, really great if you have a chance to listen.
00:22:24.870 --> 00:22:39.300 Georgeann Dau: It defines again for us that all through Scripture. Old Testament and New Testament God is seeking out God's people. God wants relationship with
00:22:39.840 --> 00:22:59.790 Georgeann Dau: God's people. And we always think that we go to God. God is always reaching out for us always inviting us all through Scripture. It's about God, throwing a banquet. You know, they Jesus spoke about it in parables and the Old Testament to with the prophets.
00:23:01.140 --> 00:23:08.010 Georgeann Dau: Where they would speak of, like, the king is throwing a banquet and all are invited you know that is
00:23:08.670 --> 00:23:25.800 Georgeann Dau: A story about the fact that God is constantly inviting us into a deeper and deeper relationship. So, you know, you use the word relationships. So that's fantastic because that again you're speaking from your unconscious
00:23:26.580 --> 00:23:31.830 Georgeann Dau: You're not thinking about what you have to say here because I know you and
00:23:33.120 --> 00:23:45.300 Georgeann Dau: That's true for you. So you see, you're already doing it. And it's that place in all of us, because we think of God as a as a human.
00:23:47.190 --> 00:23:49.830 Georgeann Dau: And although we made in the image and likeness of God.
00:23:51.150 --> 00:23:57.090 Georgeann Dau: God's beyond that and the love that God has for us, all of us.
00:23:58.410 --> 00:24:04.770 Georgeann Dau: Is beyond any any love that we would ever experience from anyone in human form and
00:24:06.390 --> 00:24:13.440 Georgeann Dau: You know that that's really beautiful. So you're already doing it. Then we expect that somehow that God is
00:24:14.100 --> 00:24:20.970 Georgeann Dau: A taskmaster that you know if you love me. You're following me. You have to do this and this and this and this.
00:24:21.510 --> 00:24:46.320 Georgeann Dau: Anytime in Scripture where God is inviting us to move to do this or this or not to do this. It's for our benefit. It's for our benefit. So we can draw closer to the truest sense of self, which is God in us and have a better and fuller life. It's always for our benefit not God's um so
00:24:49.920 --> 00:25:11.100 Georgeann Dau: What would you say you've been in analysis for about five or six years now, which is a blink of an eye. Um, because this, you know, we're also multi layered and, you know, certainly you know you are with the complexity with which you live, you know, the more intelligence.
00:25:12.180 --> 00:25:25.380 Georgeann Dau: The more creativity, the more depth of feeling it can make life a little bit more challenging to live, but it's also an incredible gift. Um, so with the years that you've been
00:25:26.880 --> 00:25:28.020 Georgeann Dau: In treatment.
00:25:29.400 --> 00:25:31.080 Georgeann Dau: Can you talk a little bit about
00:25:32.730 --> 00:25:49.710 Georgeann Dau: Besides the alcohol and drugs, where, where would you tell everyone that you were, you were. And what's the biggest. What's the most significant contribution that your work and treatment has given you
00:25:52.200 --> 00:26:00.660 Ryan Scharfenberger: I mean it's it's a completely different life where I was.
00:26:02.430 --> 00:26:08.850 Ryan Scharfenberger: Me. I don't know if this is helpful, but, you know, if I
00:26:10.500 --> 00:26:14.070 Ryan Scharfenberger: If I give you know I'm 42 now.
00:26:16.740 --> 00:26:28.740 Ryan Scharfenberger: You know, I come from a family of, you know, two siblings and I have parents that were divorced when I was the age of chill. So I, I mentioned that because
00:26:30.030 --> 00:26:42.630 Ryan Scharfenberger: Where I was five years ago was a 37 year old or six years ago 36 year old that was
00:26:44.040 --> 00:26:48.540 Ryan Scharfenberger: Able to put on a front but at the core
00:26:49.620 --> 00:26:52.740 Ryan Scharfenberger: I was in two year old that was left with
00:26:54.030 --> 00:26:54.780 Ryan Scharfenberger: Feeling
00:26:55.800 --> 00:26:56.700 Ryan Scharfenberger: Alone.
00:26:57.810 --> 00:27:02.340 Ryan Scharfenberger: You know, without a father in the household. I'm either with
00:27:03.900 --> 00:27:17.280 Ryan Scharfenberger: Doing the best she could which was not great but she never had analysis and she never so so where I was, was a child and adults body.
00:27:18.450 --> 00:27:30.630 Ryan Scharfenberger: And that worked its way into every aspect of life. It was the drinking it was the drugs. It was the way I treated people. It was temper tantrums, it was
00:27:33.810 --> 00:27:43.530 Ryan Scharfenberger: Not being considerate of others not fully caring for others. I had a car.
00:27:45.000 --> 00:27:47.490 Ryan Scharfenberger: At the core. So wasn't, you know,
00:27:47.580 --> 00:27:51.270 Ryan Scharfenberger: I wasn't a shooter a terrible person that was, you know,
00:27:51.360 --> 00:28:04.830 Ryan Scharfenberger: running rampant through through society by any means, but really that's that's what I was, I was kind of a selfish. It was a me show kind of frat boys. You like to call it.
00:28:06.750 --> 00:28:14.250 Ryan Scharfenberger: And it was about to a couple more years. And it was about to, I think, start to come down on a pretty hard.
00:28:17.220 --> 00:28:17.730 Georgeann Dau: Yes.
00:28:18.060 --> 00:28:23.790 Ryan Scharfenberger: 1711 or two steps away from something stupid at work on
00:28:25.110 --> 00:28:32.310 Ryan Scharfenberger: Marriage would have been over shortly i mean i think i think i click Save that
00:28:33.780 --> 00:28:34.650 And now, so
00:28:35.820 --> 00:28:40.170 Ryan Scharfenberger: So, so that's a little bit of like where I was, um,
00:28:40.260 --> 00:28:58.110 Georgeann Dau: I want to, I want to absolutely spend more time on this, we need to take a couple of minute break. So I didn't interrupt. I'm very interested in this. It's a fantastic topic and I don't want to interrupt you, but we're gonna take a short break and we'll be right back.
00:28:59.730 --> 00:29:00.240 Georgeann Dau: Thank you.
00:29:01.470 --> 00:29:02.070 Georgeann Dau: Really great
00:29:03.120 --> 00:29:03.600 I see.
00:31:26.790 --> 00:31:27.900 Georgeann Dau: Hey, welcome back.
00:31:29.370 --> 00:31:45.810 Georgeann Dau: Dr. George and our and Ryan shot from burger so happy to be here with you tonight and I'm so delighted to be here with with Ryan. So, um, so I had asked, Ryan, you know, when the use of analysis, besides his sobriety.
00:31:48.180 --> 00:32:00.510 Georgeann Dau: What were the major contributions, he would speak of, of having the analytical work serve him in his life. And that's what we were discussing before the break.
00:32:02.250 --> 00:32:07.230 Georgeann Dau: So Ryan. Um, is there anything else you want to say about that or
00:32:08.820 --> 00:32:10.230 Ryan Scharfenberger: Yeah, I
00:32:10.560 --> 00:32:25.350 Georgeann Dau: interrupt you for one second, if I may. What I'm so moved by and because this is everyone because what we're talking about is moving from the small minds of the ego to a mature well mind to the ego.
00:32:26.430 --> 00:32:26.880 Georgeann Dau: And
00:32:28.200 --> 00:32:31.560 Georgeann Dau: I could do a whole show just on that, but the
00:32:33.480 --> 00:32:41.280 Georgeann Dau: The ego when it's unhealthy never wants to see face itself as anything other than
00:32:41.820 --> 00:32:51.270 Georgeann Dau: Great. And we're all great, but we're also have parts of ourselves that we struggle with that we all need to work with.
00:32:51.750 --> 00:33:03.420 Georgeann Dau: Towards freeing ourselves. That's why it's called the journey through because you never get rid of any of this. We just carry it differently because what we brought up around lives inside of us.
00:33:04.290 --> 00:33:13.320 Georgeann Dau: But you mentioned when you were talking about yourself. You spoke about the frat boy you spoke about selfishness, you spoke about
00:33:14.520 --> 00:33:27.420 Georgeann Dau: You know, the ways of your full self that you have moved through that has allowed you to be free. That's huge. That says so much and I'm so delighted
00:33:28.770 --> 00:33:32.580 Georgeann Dau: To hear that. Sorry, I had to. I had to say that.
00:33:33.600 --> 00:33:35.280 Ryan Scharfenberger: I'm so
00:33:36.570 --> 00:33:46.440 Ryan Scharfenberger: So yeah, that's, I guess you know where I was who I was and you know on the surface.
00:33:47.460 --> 00:33:53.010 Ryan Scharfenberger: Things might have seemed okay right or agree to some people in terms of
00:33:54.030 --> 00:33:57.660 Ryan Scharfenberger: You know, Mary House, whatever.
00:33:58.530 --> 00:34:00.120 Georgeann Dau: In your outer world not
00:34:00.870 --> 00:34:03.030 Ryan Scharfenberger: To crack on the outer world, right.
00:34:04.560 --> 00:34:06.360 Ryan Scharfenberger: To a person driving by
00:34:09.030 --> 00:34:10.920 Ryan Scharfenberger: Kim and and
00:34:12.960 --> 00:34:20.520 Ryan Scharfenberger: Looking at these parts of yourself myself were more challenging at first.
00:34:23.130 --> 00:34:26.430 Ryan Scharfenberger: And then as I started to
00:34:27.870 --> 00:34:31.080 Ryan Scharfenberger: Peel back peel back the onion.
00:34:32.700 --> 00:34:46.110 Ryan Scharfenberger: Which is a term I love to use and in terms of the the analytical work because there are so many layers and like the deeper you go, um, it's
00:34:47.250 --> 00:34:50.820 Ryan Scharfenberger: It's really like you know it's been transformed it for me. Um,
00:34:52.470 --> 00:34:54.690 Ryan Scharfenberger: I now am
00:34:55.740 --> 00:35:00.540 Ryan Scharfenberger: still married my relationship is 1000 times better.
00:35:01.890 --> 00:35:02.400 Ryan Scharfenberger: I've
00:35:03.420 --> 00:35:08.490 Ryan Scharfenberger: We do have a child, and she is an amazing child.
00:35:10.380 --> 00:35:20.850 Ryan Scharfenberger: You know I am. I always used to say that like I wish I was that guy. And what I meant by that guy was like the guy that was like
00:35:21.660 --> 00:35:26.250 Ryan Scharfenberger: You could just see, he was a good parent, he was a good guy. He wasn't
00:35:27.060 --> 00:35:46.800 Ryan Scharfenberger: He wasn't mean he you know he just carried himself in a way that I always, you know, looked up to this, this guy right it was almost like a fictitious person. Um, and through analysis and sobriety, you know, maybe I'm not that guy, but I'm surely a lot closer than I was, and I
00:35:46.860 --> 00:35:48.150 Georgeann Dau: Need to be that guy.
00:35:48.450 --> 00:35:54.450 Georgeann Dau: Because this guy here with me tonight is the best guy.
00:35:55.530 --> 00:36:15.570 Ryan Scharfenberger: I appreciate that. Yeah, you know i i. Now, one of the things that I'm most grateful for, is that I put my head on my pillow at night with a real sense of of peace and that's not that every day is amazing because
00:36:16.650 --> 00:36:24.060 Ryan Scharfenberger: You know, as we talked about in analysis, sometimes life is a little bit more difficult because you feel right like
00:36:25.170 --> 00:36:47.850 Ryan Scharfenberger: I now sit with feelings. I don't match them with I had this feeling, let me go out and drink or do drugs or do both, but it was usually both but yeah so so now i i i feel it's hard sometimes. But I, I have peace and I have
00:36:49.410 --> 00:37:00.780 Ryan Scharfenberger: The ability to show up for people. I have the ability to be, you know, a great employee, I have the ability to to show up as a husband and a father that
00:37:01.620 --> 00:37:23.340 Ryan Scharfenberger: You know, in this House, I think they really enjoy and like I said that that feeling of putting my my head down in peace. Every night with really no guilt or shame, like I used to is the greatest gift you know and and just an awareness. Right.
00:37:25.920 --> 00:37:39.690 Ryan Scharfenberger: That those things are allowing me to live life without these kind of blinders like I don't really remember between my 20s and 30s or early 30s. Right. It was like
00:37:40.710 --> 00:37:53.310 Ryan Scharfenberger: What happened was just going through unites going out on over not feeling. Yeah, so that's where I was. This is where I'm at and
00:37:54.840 --> 00:38:04.830 Ryan Scharfenberger: I crave the growth and the continued work of analysis because as you always say, your life will only get better and you said that to me when I first started and
00:38:06.030 --> 00:38:08.220 Ryan Scharfenberger: To be quite honest. I had no idea what you meant.
00:38:08.250 --> 00:38:10.680 Georgeann Dau: Right. But they said, yeah, it's a
00:38:10.830 --> 00:38:12.420 Ryan Scharfenberger: Minus right yeah
00:38:12.600 --> 00:38:14.970 Georgeann Dau: That's right, yeah. Fantastic.
00:38:16.350 --> 00:38:24.240 Georgeann Dau: And you know you you have, you know, we're made the image and likeness of God. So we really do have unlimited potential
00:38:26.730 --> 00:38:36.840 Georgeann Dau: Well, you know, the more inner work we do, the more we bring ourselves into awareness, the more analytical work we do, the more prayer we partake.
00:38:39.120 --> 00:38:50.400 Georgeann Dau: The more depth we reach you know in the Greek terminology. It's called Jesus use this term. It's called a, you know, the original Greek text.
00:38:51.150 --> 00:38:59.430 Georgeann Dau: Aramaic and blah, blah, blah. It was called ketosis and it means it's plumbing the depths of the hard impacted soil.
00:39:00.210 --> 00:39:12.210 Georgeann Dau: Which is in our core, the heart impacted soil Jesus would say, Oh, you're supporting the arts, where we soften the ground so God can get in there.
00:39:12.780 --> 00:39:22.080 Georgeann Dau: And really make us more pliable. You know, you might have heard me say, and I talk about. We want to be willow trees, instead of folks.
00:39:22.500 --> 00:39:42.060 Georgeann Dau: We're, we're so rooted in our beliefs and our distortions in our perceptions that we have no room for not only anybody else's body, but even for a and an enhanced version.
00:39:42.720 --> 00:39:53.790 Georgeann Dau: Of what's inside of us know we all want to have a way of looking at something having it in the box, putting a bow on it, putting it on the shelf.
00:39:54.270 --> 00:40:00.960 Georgeann Dau: And I've gotten that figured out now. And unfortunately, life is not like that life is not like that.
00:40:01.590 --> 00:40:10.170 Georgeann Dau: And there are layers upon layers. And yes, you do have that term peeling back the onion and it is a very old term and a very good term.
00:40:10.830 --> 00:40:25.710 Georgeann Dau: Because we have layers upon layers and you know when you get to the core. You know, you have this little, you know, thin core of of flesh of the onion and that's God in us.
00:40:26.820 --> 00:40:39.120 Georgeann Dau: Deep inside of us has gotten us God lives in us right Jesus talks about that he is the vine and we are the branches.
00:40:39.750 --> 00:40:54.090 Georgeann Dau: And that the more we are able to stay connected to that Vine in relationship with God with him, you know, for me as a Catholic woman, it's it's Jesus
00:40:54.840 --> 00:41:13.680 Georgeann Dau: But we can speak about it as the God of your understanding. But what Jesus did on that cross with God used what God did with Jesus. His sacrifice on that cross is beyond anything we can ever understand because before Jesus died on that cross
00:41:16.680 --> 00:41:21.300 Georgeann Dau: God was viewed as outside of humanity.
00:41:23.130 --> 00:41:25.620 Georgeann Dau: Out there, somewhere in the sky.
00:41:26.670 --> 00:41:40.710 Georgeann Dau: But when Jesus died on the cross and was transfigured and resurrected. He gave us what he called the perfectly in Greek from from our mayor, which means helper.
00:41:41.370 --> 00:41:54.240 Georgeann Dau: He gave and then we call it the Holy Spirit which lives in us that inside of us is the awakened seed of God that was always there.
00:41:55.590 --> 00:41:57.450 Georgeann Dau: That we can tap into.
00:41:58.590 --> 00:42:12.000 Georgeann Dau: At any time, in recognition, and I believe that recognition is a form of prayer. Ryan, in recognition of that existence and relationship and
00:42:13.320 --> 00:42:16.320 Georgeann Dau: We are given help. We are given
00:42:18.780 --> 00:42:20.700 Georgeann Dau: A new perception.
00:42:23.190 --> 00:42:36.810 Georgeann Dau: Over time, it's really quite a miracle. And it's hard to talk about in language. Um, if you notice I have to close my eyes for this because it's so deep. Um, but that's why you know
00:42:38.250 --> 00:42:46.530 Georgeann Dau: Whenever someone was walking through a village or they wanted Jesus to help them or heal them. They had to name it.
00:42:47.070 --> 00:42:56.670 Georgeann Dau: We have to know what we need. On some level, God's not a magician. We need to come like you talking about and that's what the analysis we did
00:42:57.120 --> 00:43:12.090 Georgeann Dau: We have to come to an awareness of what we need to journey through I have this going on. I feel awful. I have this substance abuse, I, I am struggling with a
00:43:12.930 --> 00:43:31.320 Georgeann Dau: Guilt, I am struggling with feeling hate, I am angry, I am if once we can bring that to prayer, God can begin to help us and heal us, but we need to take what has been living in the darkness.
00:43:33.180 --> 00:43:45.600 Georgeann Dau: In the deep compacted soil in the darkness and we need to be able to begin to bring it to the light, so it will be healed. And if you know we always look at nature.
00:43:46.230 --> 00:43:54.150 Georgeann Dau: And if we can recall that everything that starts any growth begins in the darkness underground
00:43:55.050 --> 00:44:11.370 Georgeann Dau: The smallest seed. The say a mustard seed which Jesus talks about is being the smallest. See, it's like a grain of sand it grows to be the biggest tree outstretched branches, where all the birds can can rest can rest.
00:44:13.470 --> 00:44:13.950 Georgeann Dau: And
00:44:16.890 --> 00:44:19.710 Georgeann Dau: As all growth starts in the darkness.
00:44:20.910 --> 00:44:32.310 Georgeann Dau: So that little seed is planted deep in the ground and then it's watered and it gets get energy from the sun and it gets the nitrogen and the oxygen.
00:44:32.760 --> 00:44:48.840 Georgeann Dau: You know the from the air, and the and the soil and the carbon hydrogen oxygen from the environment from the soil for it to grow and. My point being in this. I'm sorry. I'm so belabored
00:44:49.950 --> 00:44:50.820 Georgeann Dau: Is that
00:44:53.640 --> 00:45:04.590 Georgeann Dau: We look to make ourselves wrong when we make a mistake or when we feel we're walking in darkness, we hide with Shane No, no, no.
00:45:06.480 --> 00:45:13.740 Georgeann Dau: That is terrific. Because for us to awaken to and face.
00:45:14.760 --> 00:45:21.090 Georgeann Dau: What we're ashamed of what is in the darkness. Once it's brought into the light, we are halfway there.
00:45:23.940 --> 00:45:26.730 Georgeann Dau: We are not called to leave things in the dark.
00:45:30.660 --> 00:45:40.500 Georgeann Dau: And that's such an important point. And that's so much of what I hear you talking about tonight. Ryan in your journey so
00:45:43.260 --> 00:45:47.880 Georgeann Dau: What else would you like to say to people listening tonight about
00:45:48.930 --> 00:45:53.100 Georgeann Dau: What alcoholism is what it represents. And what
00:45:54.870 --> 00:45:56.610 Georgeann Dau: What's a message if you give people
00:45:57.780 --> 00:45:59.520 Georgeann Dau: Right, because you know
00:46:00.690 --> 00:46:10.140 Georgeann Dau: You, you said it before, actually, you know, the alcoholism. The drug abuse. It's a way to not feel not feel not face.
00:46:12.810 --> 00:46:28.200 Georgeann Dau: Shame the guilt, all of the things that we might have inside of us, which came from when we were little, when we were being told not to do something. We were ashamed. While we were taught
00:46:30.810 --> 00:46:31.920 Georgeann Dau: Know, so
00:46:34.500 --> 00:46:38.220 Georgeann Dau: I think you're an incredible father with Sandrine
00:46:39.630 --> 00:46:40.050 Georgeann Dau: And
00:46:45.120 --> 00:46:47.880 Georgeann Dau: I think that it's a
00:46:50.850 --> 00:46:58.800 Georgeann Dau: Light years of what it would have been like parenting edge and I've been in treatment or prayer.
00:47:02.190 --> 00:47:04.620 Georgeann Dau: And we have to take a break.
00:47:06.780 --> 00:47:14.850 Georgeann Dau: So we'll see you in a couple of minutes. Thanks for hanging with us tonight. Dr. Georgia and Dale and Ryan shelf and burger and Jeremy
00:49:38.610 --> 00:49:41.460 Georgeann Dau: Hi, welcome back to the journey real
00:49:42.810 --> 00:49:47.970 Georgeann Dau: So, um, so anyway, Ryan, I, I think I had cut you off.
00:49:49.980 --> 00:50:12.360 Ryan Scharfenberger: Yeah, I think, I think the question that you would ask in it had something to do with, you know, alcoholism, and I think that that's such an important topic to touch on, and it really, I think, I think you can go for for anything in terms of
00:50:13.500 --> 00:50:17.850 Ryan Scharfenberger: Like you said, addicted to or just struggling in
00:50:19.350 --> 00:50:23.490 Ryan Scharfenberger: In life in general and masking
00:50:25.320 --> 00:50:33.690 Ryan Scharfenberger: Masking your feelings or going, you know, we talked about going through life with blinders on. I'm
00:50:33.930 --> 00:50:35.310 Ryan Scharfenberger: Lou and
00:50:37.170 --> 00:50:44.760 Ryan Scharfenberger: I sit here and kind of like in amazement and because I don't
00:50:45.840 --> 00:50:51.960 Ryan Scharfenberger: You know, go through life like that anymore. And again, things are not perfect.
00:50:53.040 --> 00:50:54.990 Ryan Scharfenberger: I'm by no means saying that but
00:50:55.320 --> 00:50:56.190 Ryan Scharfenberger: They are so much
00:50:56.340 --> 00:50:57.720 Georgeann Dau: Better than perfect
00:50:57.750 --> 00:51:00.810 Ryan Scharfenberger: Right. They are so much better than then the life
00:51:00.840 --> 00:51:04.830 Ryan Scharfenberger: That I was living that I thought was great.
00:51:06.060 --> 00:51:06.900 Georgeann Dau: Yes.
00:51:07.080 --> 00:51:07.590 Georgeann Dau: It isn't it.
00:51:08.310 --> 00:51:13.110 Ryan Scharfenberger: Is really the the most interesting part about this journey is
00:51:16.950 --> 00:51:24.240 Ryan Scharfenberger: And it's really that it's turning the corner on the on the awareness, um,
00:51:25.380 --> 00:51:36.570 Ryan Scharfenberger: I remember when this first started to click for me. I was sitting out in my backyard. And I'll never forget this. I, I was sitting there with my eyes closed and like a chaise lounge.
00:51:37.320 --> 00:51:46.110 Ryan Scharfenberger: And kind of the wind was blowing and I and I could hear like the leaves and I can hear you know birds chirping over a year and birds chirping over there.
00:51:48.780 --> 00:51:55.800 Ryan Scharfenberger: The 3637 years old, I had never ever been able to stop.
00:51:56.970 --> 00:52:05.280 Ryan Scharfenberger: And living in the real moment and appreciate that moment in time, my
00:52:05.610 --> 00:52:06.390 Ryan Scharfenberger: Cell now.
00:52:07.590 --> 00:52:15.900 Ryan Scharfenberger: And that was, that was like it for me. That was the first time it was, it was like, wow.
00:52:16.800 --> 00:52:23.910 Georgeann Dau: What that is so powerful, where if you weren't hearing that. What were you hearing
00:52:29.250 --> 00:52:31.440 Ryan Scharfenberger: Loss, you know, where
00:52:32.910 --> 00:52:39.840 Ryan Scharfenberger: You know, what are people up to who is doing what tonight, you know, anything to distract me, which is
00:52:40.590 --> 00:52:46.890 Ryan Scharfenberger: You know I love when things nicely work themselves into like a, it's a nice segue.
00:52:49.980 --> 00:52:53.040 Ryan Scharfenberger: It was always on to the next thing, right, which
00:52:54.990 --> 00:52:57.120 Ryan Scharfenberger: Is important, because
00:52:58.830 --> 00:53:04.080 Ryan Scharfenberger: As I mentioned earlier in the show, you know, parents, the Moore's that too.
00:53:04.830 --> 00:53:15.960 Ryan Scharfenberger: And never really knowing what this feeling was this like empty chest feeling until we started to do our work and sobriety came into play and all the other good stuff, but
00:53:16.440 --> 00:53:32.730 Ryan Scharfenberger: I lived with a left alone feeling right and what I would do with that would either get angry drink, whatever, it would mean whatever it would be to not have that feeling right so so
00:53:33.090 --> 00:53:42.180 Ryan Scharfenberger: Yes, sitting in that chair would typically trigger the first 30 plus years and alone feeling right
00:53:42.510 --> 00:53:44.580 Ryan Scharfenberger: Because I did the work and
00:53:44.970 --> 00:53:55.590 Ryan Scharfenberger: Started to understand what that feeling was then I was able to sit in that chair and hear the birds hear the wind and hear the trees.
00:53:58.320 --> 00:53:59.820 Georgeann Dau: Yes. Crazy.
00:54:00.060 --> 00:54:04.290 Georgeann Dau: That's so powerful because what I'm hearing you talk about also is
00:54:05.790 --> 00:54:14.550 Georgeann Dau: What what what we're hearing when we're not able to hear the birds and the trees rustling we're hearing the voice in the back of our head.
00:54:15.030 --> 00:54:25.140 Georgeann Dau: Right. Which Freud coined the super ego. The voice of the critical parent, the critical authority figure of
00:54:25.980 --> 00:54:36.990 Georgeann Dau: Whatever it is, you know, um, you didn't call so and so didn't call your mother. Oh my gosh. Okay. Do you pay gap but prayed tonight about whatever it is. And we're not free.
00:54:37.530 --> 00:54:57.870 Georgeann Dau: So when we look at as Catholics and Christians, you know Jesus. Save to save this from what from ourselves because he gave us this helper, which we are able to awaken and see our false self and our true self, you know the the
00:54:58.950 --> 00:55:00.300 Georgeann Dau: The two wolves story.
00:55:01.440 --> 00:55:13.260 Georgeann Dau: Right. That's so great. So, yes. So for you, you are in your head planning. So, you know, Ryan. We have two minutes to us ending and
00:55:15.330 --> 00:55:17.940 Georgeann Dau: Would you like to ever come back on the show again.
00:55:18.540 --> 00:55:41.130 Georgeann Dau: Yeah, that would be great. And because there's so much information and really such an important example of a of a man on the journey. I'm facing himself and I'm, you know, really so beautifully humble and, you know, getting to the other side of life.
00:55:42.780 --> 00:55:54.120 Georgeann Dau: With gratitude and having a good life and it's just so great. So before we end, um, shall we end in prayer.
00:55:57.720 --> 00:56:02.880 Georgeann Dau: And I want to thank you so much for being part of this. So, let us end in prayer.
00:56:05.040 --> 00:56:10.470 Georgeann Dau: So precious Lord, we want to thank you for this time together.
00:56:12.270 --> 00:56:32.250 Georgeann Dau: We want to thank you for living in loving in us and through us may all that we do flow from our deep connection with you and all beings help us become a community in this world on this planet that vulnerable shares each other's burdens and the weight of glory and goodness
00:56:33.600 --> 00:56:37.110 Georgeann Dau: Listen to our heart longing for healing our world.
00:56:38.340 --> 00:56:54.240 Georgeann Dau: We love you, Lord, and we ask that you always teach us out of love and knowing that you are hearing us better than we are hearing ourselves. We offer these prayers and all the holy names of you, God. Amen.
00:56:55.380 --> 00:56:57.120 Georgeann Dau: Ryan. Thank you so much.
00:56:57.450 --> 00:57:02.070 Georgeann Dau: For being here with me. You're a treasure and I look forward to
00:57:02.070 --> 00:57:09.060 Georgeann Dau: Speaking very soon. Thank you, everybody. I hope you enjoyed the show, sending blessings out. Good night now.